Monday, April 30, 2007

Destilando Amor 04/30/07 "In a public display of unmanliness...Rod has a bit of a break-down"

Elvira, the old secretary is all shades of angry with Gavi, there is a big meeting coming up and she is certain, Gavi is going after the company...like a Dog on a bone...yep she said that. I don't know why this old bag doesn't just quit. Surely she recognizes spunk and perkiness when she sees it...Oh Old Lady the writing is on the Wall.

Back at the ranch Rod clutching his stomach, the keg of Tequila he downed the night before is not sitting well with him. Gavi is calling again trying to invite Rod to the big Junta on Monday the 27th. Finally Rod snatches the phone and yells into it that he won't come to the meeting. Gavi tells Licenciado Videgaray, who in turn has her call right back, Ofelia, says Sr. Rod is not there so Gavi hands the phone over to LVide...(sorry his name is just way too long). Ofelia gives the good LVide the news that TWB, has split, returned to Mexico DF. Gavi is sooooo evesdropping on this...

Meanwhile over at Creepy Acres...James is doing the John Deere in a tractor... Acacia (Wed Addams); comes up to give him a drink; James notices the bruise on her face where Creepy Tio smacked her the nite before. James questions her and says he will talk to Tio, Wed says NO!!!
She runs off across the fields.

Lil Gavi weasles the truth out of LVide, that TWB has abandoned Rod, eeewww she is muy impacted....they now sit down to a good old fashion discussion about the fine merits of Tequila, we get a Middle School Agriculture flick about how Tequila is made...yep
Tequila, and here is some information for inquiring minds about it's sister mezcal. ****The first time I was in Guerrero, this old man passed around a bottle of mezcal with Queso, chiles, onions and tomatoes in it...It burned all the way down...LVide is amazed that Gavi knows so much about Tequila...think how amazed he'd be if he knew how much she knows about Rod.

Minerrrrva flounces into the office, she gives Gavi the once over and says she can't get a hold of Aaron; he is in Miami. Oh my Gawd, he always answers Minerva's calls, he has taken a stray bullet from David Caruso...No Gavi says he is in a meeting, Minnie flounces out..Tattooing BITCH on her forhead would just be overkill.

Aaron and the nice cuz Patrico are in a meeting with "Johnny Molina", he is slick and I'm thinking not a good guy. It is part of Aaron's big plan to sell high end Tequila.

Sofie is running scared, TWB is talking divorce and Sofie sees the golden ducats slipping through her clawing fingers....she tells Granny Pilar, she'll go to the ranch herself and deal with Rod...Pilar frowns or smiles, I'm not really sure cause actually nothing ever really moves, in reflection; maybe her eyes just bugged a little bit more..She is rather disturbing to watch cause I never know if she is choking on a fish bone or just muy impacted.

Gavi tries to get some data for the meeting from the AssHat guy who hit on her in a previous episode, he won't give her the statisitics. I think Gavi just wants to make some awesome spreadsheets and maybe colorful pie charts, hey maybe even a wicked powerpoint presentation for the big junta...probably facts about cirrhosis, the illegal organ network and using the inferior product for pulque, the Mexican version of "Two Buck Chuck".

Perv guy calls Elvira and they come to the conclusion Gavi is a corporate spy. Ahhh
Senor Boris and Senora Natasha..

Gavi is trying to sneak some important documents outta the office..guard dog Elvira..tries to stop her; Gavi threatens her and Elvira unwilling to strip to a cami and matching thong and mud wrestle her for it, Elvira lets Gavi pass.

TWB & Minnnerrrrva are playing cards..oh sure it looks like a friendly card game...but full of subtle threats..like watching Tony Soprano play cards. Minnie says is the divorce just a threat to win Rod back...TWB smirks when no one is looking. I'm thinking she can buy a stable full of stable boys with the settlement.

Back at Creepy Acres...James comes upon Acacia, he tells her he loves her and wants to protect her..just then toot-toot, a horn, the truck pulls up..Acacia runs into the house. It is Rod, he is lonely and wants to hit the Cantina. James is up for that...Well so much for protecting lil Wed.; oh what do I know..it is probably animal sacrificing nite and she would be busy anyway.

Gavi is in her "MicroSoft Office" class. After class she gives the professor the data she has "stolen from the office", he will try to make sense of it. They briefly discuss databases. Oh Gavi, I see you haven't had MSAccess yes, it is part of the Office Suite and yes it is Sweet...try the help menu..it really does.

Over at the Cantina, Rod is sh*tface drunk...seriously drunk and yelling for them to play more Gavi songs...The Bartender so does not want to hear it. Oh crap now Rod becomes what everyone hates....the crying drunk, the loud crying drunk. Soon Rod is crying harder than second place runner up on Prom Night. I am now throwing my Rod's Rangerette Pom-Pom's under the couch. For the love of Gawd straighten up Man. Nothing like the biggest landowner in the area coming to the bar and crying like a little girl.

Back in DF, Gavi comes in from school. Ma is sewing away on that machine..what does that woman sew? She has been sewing for a solid year now and Gavi wears like two outfits. Is she still making those really 1980's bridesmaids dresses? Hey maybe Ma has a gig making those gowns for Aurora over on LFMB..don't laff TeleVisa will save money whereever it can. Gavi tells Ma the big news about Isadora and Rod splitting up, oh you can see the cogs turning...yep just like a TeleNovela..

Minnerrrrrrrva finally talks to Aaron who is all Mi Amor, she instantly starts nagging...she is convinced Gavi is a corporate spy...just then a knock at Aaron's door..Why is is Pamela, all in a lime dress with her contrasting red hair...well I guess Aaron will get to open and early Christmas present. He lies to Minerva and tells her it was just someone delivering a document, "so that's what the kids are calling it these days". Minnies voice reaches a pitch that has dogs howling all over MX DF, she demands Aaron return muy pronto. Aaron hangs up...nope that ain't gonna happen.

James drives Rod home, I would have just dumped his sorry ass out on the side of the road..Rod doesn't want to get outta the truck, James has to pull him out and Rod still has a bottle of Tequila in his hand, he is just sloppy drunk now, falling everywhere. Sofie steps out of the shadows, Rod starts laughing and greets her..James is a bit abashed. Sofie starts in...They get Rod into the house and Sofie starts with the guilt trip about TWB, Rod so doesn't want to hear it. Sofie says she wants to talk to Rod alone, and James says he is going home. Sofie asks where he lives and he says with friends...Rod starts laughing and tells Sofie that James is very much in love with a pretty girl. Sofie turns and wipes a tear from her eye...oh wait..that can't be right, she must have just had an eyelash in her eye.
James leaves.

Now then, the squeeky..yucky why can't you do TWB conversation starts up. Rod says he doesn't love her, even thou she is a swell gal and it is fun to have sleepovers and do each others nails and make smores...okay I made that part up...
Okay Okay, he basically says that he does not love her and because of that he no funciono*****I saw on CNN today where in China, they have been showing Panda Bears, Panda Porn..to get them in the mood...with great success, Sofie get thine brother to Beijing, your family branch is indeed an endangered species*****

Sofie really starts laying the guilt on with "Poor little Daniela and me, poor orphans, all cause your manparts want the jimadora"...I like when these people say Jimadora, they practically spit the word..it is so "South of the Mason Dixon Line" circa 1860. Well, to paraphase Woody Allen when speaking of his step-daughter "Soon-Yi", the heart wants what the heart wants...and in Rod's case so do the manparts.
Sofie is fumming she will return to MX DF for the meeting.

Gavi goes to use the telephone to give the professor some more information. After she annoys him, she calls Rod...he answers the phone, still drunk,"Hello, Hello who is there?" Gavi says nothing, but a man comes up behind and calls her Teresa...Gavi hangs up...Rod hears the Teresa...Is it? Could it be? Is it Gavi?

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Acorralada #75 Monday 4/30/07 Our fearless nurse plans to save the fabrica

We open to Friday's closing scene, where Diana gives a pep talk to the employees at the fabrica. Uplifting music tells us that Diana the satin-clad president will prevail! The employees all promise to give Diana their full support, and then one employee reminds Diana that the future of the company is in her hands. Uplifting music is replaced with the synthesizer of doom.

Jump to Hospital TeleMiami, where Andres has run into "Marfil." She's fidgety and breathing heavy and looking like she's about to jump out of her own skin and Andres wants to know why. Andres: What's making you so nervous? Is it because you're really Deborah, not Marfil? No, that can't be it - Ignacio told me that she drowned in the selva.
Marfil: No, it's just that you scared me. I didn't know that you were back.
They discuss Diana's amnesia and how as long as her memory is blocked, they're safe.
Andres badgers her some more about being nervous, and she assures him that she's not Deborah, she's Marfil, and she's going to enjoy the life that Deborah tried to steal from her!

We return to Diana's office, where several of the execs are discussing how things should be handled, and a debate ensues over whether it would be best to declare bankrupty or to stay and fight. They ask Diana what she thinks. Diana gives her typical glazed over look and says nothing.

Back to "Marfil" and Andres, where Andres has "Marfil" by the neck and wants to know the truth - is she Marfil or not? What kind of security do they have at Hospital TeleMiami? Andres seems to have his run of the place - he's assaulted Gaby in the hospital garage, Ignacio as he laid in his bed, and now Marfil right in the middle of a hallway! And let's not forget how close Marfil was to stealing Diana's newborn baby. Anyway... back to "Marfil" and Andres. Marfil tells him what a brute he is, and how she can't believe that her sister would have married him.

They're interrupted by little doormat, who wants to know what Marfil is doing there talking with this guy. Marfil's claws come out as she tells Gaby that she's not going to give her an explanation, because although she has new clothes, she still smells like a servant. She walks out, and as Gaby tries to follow, Andres asks her "where are you going, beautiful? Since I saw you at the mansion, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. In bed." She slaps his face, then we see a flashback of her attack in the garage, and suddenly she realizes where she knows him from! She knows that he's the one who attacked her. She recognizes his eyes - the eyes that disgust and repulse her!

Next we're transported to the studio where Larry's taping his telenovela. Rene is about to come unglued over the news of Pilar's pregnancy. Rene tells Lunkhead that there's no way Gaby will stay married to him if Pilar's carrying his baby, but Lunkhead is hoping that Pilar won't tell her. Rene gets a good laugh out of this. "You hope that she won't tell? You think she'll stay quiet? Ha! She's probably on her way to tell Gaby right now!" Rene gives a PSA regarding the use of condoms (globos) as he pulls a handful out of his pocket and throws them at Larry.

The perfume execs are arguing about the best way to recover financially. Maybe they should declare bankruptcy and sell all of the equipment, no - they should try to borrow it, but the banks probably won't lend it to them... Diana interrupts and tells them they must fight, and she won't allow anyone to question her decision. She challenges any doubters to leave the room. Nobody does, so she assumes that they're all in agreement and can work on a plan of attack to save the fabrica. Something tells me that all of these execs will be posting their resumes on monster.com before dark tonight!

Back to the studio, where Rene is still ranting at Larry. Larry tells him that he's usually careful, just not with Pilar. Rene really reads him the riot act over this - you think that Pilar is some "little white dove," a "Mother Teresa?" She was sleeping with you and Kike al mismo tiempo, guey! Rene advises Larry to go tell Gaby about the pregnancy himself, in person, before she hears it from someone else. Larry says he will, but first he has to go see Pancho, who's married his sister without being divorced.

Back to the hospital, where Gaby's sure that Andres was her attacker - she recognizes his voice! He admits that it was him, but it doesn't matter because she has no proof. She sounds like a chip off the ol' block as she swears that one day he'll pay for the pain he's caused! Andres give his best evil laugh as she walks away.

Gaby arrives in Fedora's room in tears, and tells her of the attempted rape, and that she's just figured out that it was Andres, the guy who works for Ignacio. Oh, don't you worry, Gaby - he's now been added to the list of vengeance. It appears that Fedora has forgotten how worried she was that her quests for vengeance were ruining her life. Commercial.

At the fabrica, Diana is signing documents as the receptionist and Emilio watch over her. Emilio asks if she's too tired to do another meeting in half an hour, but our little heroine is ready to roll. Send 'em in!

Jump to Lala's backyard, where creepy Pancho is telling Paola how delicious she smells. Lala has taught her to cook, and she's prepared dinner for him... next we go into the same old discussion about how he's married to her and Caramelo. Just as he charms his fiera into going back to bed with him, Larry busts into the yard and gives him a good punch in the mouth. A brawl ensues with Larry, Pancho, and Rene all in a pile.

Back at the fabrica, Diana promises Emilio that she's going to fight to save the company. Little does she know that Beatriz is on the horn with Octavia updating her with the day's events. Ocatavia predicts that the factory will be closed within 15 days, and she will enjoy the world when she knows that the doors of the factory are closed forever. Cue the synthesizers.

At Bar Don Paco, Caramelo is giving Paco the silent treatment. Paco wants to compare his new wife with the naco that Caramelo has married. She refuses - she loves Pancho and she won't let Paola have him. "Just like you love that shameless woman, I love Pancholon."

Back to the rumble in Lala's back yard, where Rene manages to pull Pancho and Larry apart. Pancho threatens to call the police, and Larry tells him to do it - then they can tell the police that he's a bigamist! Rene tells them to knock it off before someone breaks a rib. Circus music plays as Larry leaves and Pancho tells himself that he was born in the wrong place - he should have been an Arab surrounded by women.

Paco is still trying to talk some sense into Caramelo. He wants to call the police, but she swears that it will kill her. She's sure that he's going to come back to her - she just has to get pregnant! Great idea, muchachita. That always works. Paco tells her it's a bad idea - that's a tactic used by vulgar women.

Diana's still burning the midnight oil at the fabrica, with Emilio at her side. All of the meetings went well and tomorrow she wants to go three cars for her, Gaviota, and Gaby. What a great idea when the company's in financial ruin! Emilio is happy to see her changed from the timid and quiet nurse that she once was. That woman is gone, and this one is not interested in love, even with Maximilliano. She loves nobody, right now she's only interested in saving the company. Commercial break.

We return from the commercial to Emilio telling Diana that she's young and beautiful, she's just been lookin' for love in all the wrong places. She gives him the sob story about marrying Diego, who she doesn't love and never will. Nothing new here.

Hospital TeleMiami: Paco has arrive to visit Fedora. Doormat tell him that she's improving now that Diana has returned, and leaves him alone with sleeping Fedora. She awakes and gives him the same old speech about the pain he's caused.

At the fabrica, Emilio tells Beatriz that he and Diana are leaving. She responds that this place isn't going to last long under Diana's rule. Diana and Fedora are inept and without glamour. Diana overhears and lets her know that goes into a long winded speech about how she'll show all these haters how it's done! Beatriz fumbles a hollow apology and Diana lets her keep her job.

Paco wants to recap his own pains, pains he suffered at the hands of Fedora. "You didn' know that you loved me. I was waiting for your passion. Now I just want your friendship." No dice, Paco. You married her Octavia - you've made your bed and now you can lie in it, hombre! Commercial break.

Back from the commercial, Paco is still begging for Fedora's forgiveness and she's not giving it.

Ignacio's apartment: Sylvia and Camila look like they're dressed for a Halloween party or something, with Sylvia all decked out in skin tight red bell bottoms and matching halter top while Sylvia's broken out the black spiky wig a'la the '90s. She's sporting a nasty shiner from Camila's previous attack, and is wearing a brace around her neck. That doesn't stop her from trying to find out why Camila's in such a good mood. She's happy because she and Maxi kissed - a real kiss with passion. More scheming from these two about how to get Max back. Maybe they should go ahead and tell Max that Diana's baby is his - he'll hate her for lying and then fall madly in love with Camila otra vez. Sylvia says this head of mine doesn't have hair, but it has ideas! Commercial break.

We return to Fedora's bedside, where she and Paco are carrying on their heart to heart. She's sorry, but she doesn't want to, and she can't forgive him. He knows that she's a good, noble person, who's forgiven many others, can't she just forgive him too? *Seriously, who's he talking about? Fedora neither forgives nor forgets!*

At Lala's, Pancho is talking to his mama (who's wearing a tiger striped blouse that Paola must have picked out in exchange for cooking lessons) about what happened between him and Larry. She tells him that Larry has a right to defend his sister, and when Max finds out, he should expect more of the same. Pobre de Lala. She just doesn't know what to do with this shameful son of hers! Just then the phone rings - Paola's been found in a park, totally drugged.

Max makes his first appearance of the show in a hideous purple button down and matching tie that really clashes with Camila's fire red getup. She's trying to seduce him, as usual, but he tells her that he can't erase Diana from his heart. Even in Camila's arms, he can't forget Diana. Credits roll.

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Acorralada # 73 Friday, April 27, 2007 In Which Diana Makes a Decision, Yolanda Cries a River, and Diego Plays a Prank

We begin our day’s adventures in TeleMiami with a replay of the Bruna-Diana confrontation. Our Heroine is in fiera mode and proves that she can pinch every bit as hard as Our Virile Villainess. Octavia slithers in. The dueña of Paco’s Blue Heaven has come down in the world: She may have a “lady’s companion” but she’s reduced to making halter tops out of upholstery remnants. Diana has come to tell her that they’re equals, along with the usual “You’ll pay for your crimes.” Bruna interjects, but as far as domestics are concerned, Diana checked her egalitarian beliefs at the door. Maids, she says loftily, have no right to butt in on the conversations of their betters. Her delivery is almost as stilted as a high school sophomore attempting Oscar Wilde. More arguing until Octavia calls Max. Jr. a bastard, at which point Our Heroine gives her a head-rattling slap. Lady O needs to wash her mouth before talking about Mini Max. Close-up of Diana la Fiera.

Meanwhile, Dr. Evil is resting quietly in his room at TeleMiami General. The door opens slowly; we see a cane and two legs in ragged denim. The camera pans up to reveal our old friend Andrés, thug-of-all-trades. He looks down at Ignacio, then grabs a pillow and begins to smother him. “Die, maldito, die!” I find myself cheering for Andrés while Dr. Evil flops around like a mackerel.

Back at Paco’s, Bruna holds Octavia protectively. Her Ladyship is impactada. She presses a hand to her injured cheek. Diana promises more of the same if Octavia insults Max Jr. again. During this exchange Bruna maneuvers between them, ready to intercept any slaps or pinches, but the ladies only scream at each other until Paco enters. He falls for Lady O’s rather grotesque imitation of a Distressed Ingénue. Bruna gets her two centavos in, calling Diana loca. This provokes a heated denial from Our Heroine. She’s not crazy, she’s full of hate because Octavia and Bruna are vermin. Paco takes offense at this, but Diana’s on a roll. She tells him that marrying “that viper” was the worst mistake of his life. Octavia is warned that if she continues messing with Gaviota, she’ll find out what the new Diana Soriano is capable of. Lady Di grabs her handbag and exits. Paco wants to know what’s going on. Lady O keeps up the charade of innocence wronged and is rewarded with a consoling embrace. Close-up of Octavia over Paco’s shoulder. She looks rather nauseous and her eyes move from side to side to indicate that she feels acorralada.

We go now to Dr. Evil’s Lair, where Camila’s rockin’ that Carnaby Street Swinger look again, this time in shades of red. Enter Max. He’s a happy camper. He found a job. As Camila sashays over to the bar to pour some drinks, Max adds that he’s going to be a consultant for Gaviota’s rival. Our Carnaby Street Sex Kitten is impactada for no apparent reason.

Meanwhile, Andrés continues to smother Dr. Evil. “Die, you damned dog!” Ignacio finally struggles free and threatens to tell the other doctors on him if he doesn’t leave. A rehash of their jungle adventures leads to mutual recriminations. Andrés digs the end of his cane into Ignacio’s throat, vowing to make him pay. He demands to know what Iggy did with “Debora”. “She fell and drowned.” Well, it’s partially true. She had plenty of help, but Dr. Evil’s feeling modest and leaves out a few details. Besides, what does Andrés care? He hated his wife. Andrés is not satisfecho with that. Did Ignacio push her or not?

Over at the perfume factory, Diana has gone from Fiera to Sra. Presidenta. Like most of Fediota’s staffing decisions, this makes one question how she ever managed to become a perfume tycoon in the first place. En fin, Emilio informs Diana that the company is teetering on the edge of ruin, they’ve lost millions, they need to act fast. Our Heroine is unfazed by her complete lack of experience in business and finance. Together they will save the fábrica from ruin.

Back at TeleMiami General, Dr. Evil clutches his throat, gasping as he insists that “Debora’s” demise was just an accident. Andrés doesn’t believe him. He jabs the end of his cane into Iggy’s neck again, snarling that he was the one to mete out Debora’s punishment. Dr. Evil wheezes that their big problem right now is Diana. She’s back. Andrés brings him up to speed on Diana’s partial amnesia. Again we are reminded that as long as Diana’s memory fails her, they’re safe.

And speaking of Our Heroine, she wants Emilio to call a staff meeting to announce her new position. Then they’ll all work really hard and save the perfume factory.

Meanwhile, Debora is on the couch at Emilio’s, enjoying a cup of coffee. Yolanda is on her way out. Our Little Blonde Weasel asks where she’s headed. Big Doormat fills her in on Gaviota’s attempted suicide. Debora, predictably enough, reacts with contempt. She asks why Yolanda’s going to visit the family’s worst enemy. “I have my reasons,” is the guarded response. Yolanda turns to leave when Debora asks about Our Heroine – does anyone know who kidnapped her? No, Diana has blocked out the whole experience. Yolanda finds all this interest suspect, but she’s in a hurry, so she leaves without asking any questions of her own. In case we weren’t paying attention five minutes ago, Debora gets a close-up to tell us Diana’s memory loss means that everyone involved in the kidnapping can breathe easily.

At Villa Vengeance, Diana tells Gaby, Lala, and Nancy that la fábrica’s a sinking ship, but she plans to take the helm and bring it safely to shore.

Cut to TeleMiami General. Yolanda is with Fediota. The String Quartet of Doom plays menacingly in the background as Big Doormat asks Gaviota’s forgiveness. Dueling close-ups. Commercial.

When we return, Yolanda is still begging forgiveness. She blames Octavia’s domineering personality and her own weakness. We get a piano moment as Yolanda vividly describes being just a puppet, with Lady Octopus pulling the strings. “Took you long enough to figure that out,” Gaviota replies before launching the usual diatribe. Yolanda gets on her knees and begs forgiveness again.

Up at the Villa, Granny M has joined the group and calls on God to bless Diana’s undertaking. The others chime in with encouragement and offers of support. Our Heroine asks where Diego is. She needs to tell him, too.

And speak of the devil, here he is on the patio. Wardrobe must be pinching pennies. Camila, Octavia, and Paola have all worn something a second time, and now Diego is wearing the same tacky white loafers we’ve seen on the Brothers Irazabal. Anyway, he grabs hold of a pillar and pulls himself out of the wheelchair. He stands. Grunting and panting, he takes a couple of tiny steps, then pumps his fist in triumph. He can walk. go diego rah

Back at TeleMiami General, Gaviota refuses to forgive Yolanda and tells us yet again why. She gets so worked up that she’s practically screaming by the time we get a close-up of Yolanda, still on her knees, sobbing and pleading.

Over at Paco’s, Lady Octopus is ranting and raving at Bruna, who stands, as usual, with her head slightly bowed and hands folded before her. After Her Ladyship recovers her composure, the pair of them rip on Diana. Bruna works herself up to a near-frenzy. Octavia, on the other hand, has settled into Queen Cobra mode. “It was an evil hour when Max fell in love with that woman,” she intones. She slowly turns her head. She blinks.

And back to Gaviota’s room. “What do I stand to gain by believing you?” she asks. Another rehash of the Alarcón sisters’ crimes against Fediota. She ends by telling Yolanda to ask for God’s forgiveness and get out. Big Doormat sinks to her knees again as the Orchestra of Doom plays on. She begs and pleads while Gaviota stares back, shaking her head ever so slightly.

Meanwhile, Diego tells us that he just needs to strengthen his legs and he’ll be the same man as before. This is not encouraging news. Commercial.

We return to the parlor at Villa Vengeance, where Granny M is now having doubts that Our Heroine will really be able to save the perfume factory. I can’t say I blame her. She doesn’t want to leave the mansion and go back to being poor. Again, I’m right there with her. But the business world is a man’s world. And that’s where Granny Miguelina lost me. Diana also begs to differ. If Octavia can do it, so can she. She can be just as mean and evil, etc. Granny M listens to this nonsense for a bit, then says she’s heard enough. She wants to change the subject.

Gaviota’s room. Yolanda is still trying to wear her down, but the only person Fediota wants to see begging forgiveness on her knees is Lady O. Not a chance, Yolanda sobs, her sister has no conscience, no feelings, Gaviota doesn’t know what she’s capable of. “Like killing the lawyer Reynosa?” Yolanda’s denial is unconvincing. She stands up. Fediota suggests that Yolanda show how sorry she is by ratting Octopus out. Tearful protestations. “I was my sister’s puppet, blah, blah, blah.”

Granny M’s idea of changing the subject is to lecture Diana about the long hours she’ll have to work, the problems this will cause with Diego. Our Heroine replies that she will always have problems with Diego. “You never loved him as a man,” says Granny. Cue the Melancholy Wind Ensemble. After some contradictory statements on both sides, they agree that it was a big mistake to marry Diego. But Diana will never leave him while he’s disabled. “An if he gets well and manages to walk again?” Cue ominous piano music. She’ll ask for a divorce so he’ll be free to find someone who will love him.

Cut to Diego rolling away from the window or door where he was eavesdropping on the above conversation. “So Diana wants me to get well in order to divorce me? Well, I won’t give her that satisfaction.” Here Diego gives us a rare glimpse of his impish sense of humor. To prevent Diana from divorcing him for Max, he will keep his recovery a secret and stay in the wheelchair for the rest of his days. That Diego. What a cutup. We should start calling him “Chuckles” or something.

Hospital. Gav’s room again. This is working my last nerve. Yolanda has been at it for five scenes now, and her tenacity stopped being admirable two scenes back. She drops to her knees again and vows not to leave until Gaviota has forgiven her. I never thought I would write these words, but thank God for Gaby’s entrance. I think she raided the Marfil-Debora closet this morning. She’s wearing a low-cut, mint-green camisole that shows a surprising amount of cleavage. She asks what’s going on. Yolanda tells her. Little Doormat counsels forgiveness.

In another part of the hospital, Debora traipses gaily into Ignacio’s room. Her purse is larger than her black leather skirt – maybe she’s carrying a bull whip along with all her Maybelline products. She tosses the bag onto the foot of the bed, strikes a nonchalant pose, and tells Dr. Evil they’re in luck. Diana has amnesia, yap-yap-yap-yap-yap in that annoying singsong voice. They share a laugh. Ignacio then says Andrés gave him the news when said accomplice came by earlier to kill him. Debora’s cheery mood evaporates. She is so impactada that she has to turn away from the bed. “Andrés came back from the selva?” She doesn’t like this at all. Her reaction arouses Dr. Evil’s suspicions. He begins to speculate on her behavior, on “Debora’s” insistence that she was Marfil, etc. Our Little Blonde Weasel does a poor job of denying that she’s really Debora. Ignacio seizes her wrist, pulls her close, and demands that she tell him who she really is. Close-up of Debora, looking guilty. Close-up of Dr. Evil, with his fiera glare. Close-up of Debora, in a quandary. Commercial.

Back to Gaviota’s room. The sappy piano and violin duet tells us that Gaby has prevailed. Fediota tells Yolanda that she is forgiven. But not without another rehash and a lengthy warning. Exit Yolanda, off to church to ask God’s forgiveness.

At Villa Vengeance, we hear Diana’s thoughts and high-heeled shoes as she approaches Diego. She hopes he’ll give her a divorce and be able to find happiness. I hope I’ll get a seven-figure trust fund for my birthday. We’re both in for a disappointment. En fin, Diana Soriano, Rookie Presidenta, is off to save the perfume factory. With Our Heroine supplying the optimism and Emilio doing the actual work, she knows it can be done. She wants Diego to help her, but he refuses. He won’t give anyone an opportunity to mock the cripple. (Too late for that, pal.) Points to Diana for being exasperated by this old dirge. She tells him he needs to find something constructive to do, so he doesn’t become full of bitterness. (Just what does she think he’s full of right now?) Exit Diana. Once again Diego vows not to divorce her. Commercial.

At Dr. Evil’s Lair, Max and Camila are celebrating. During the course of this rather dull scene we learn that Max plans to take advantage of Gaviota, Inc.’s financial weakness to make his new employer número uno in the fragrance industry. Camila manages to bring up Our Heroine and dis her. Our Hero gets angry, which turns Camila on. While she kisses him with the calculated abandon of a porn star, Max resists half-heartedly.

And now for something completely different. Well, kind of. We’re at the studio, where our aspiring James Dean enters his dressing room. He’s closely followed by René, who’s babbling and gesticulating. While René gabs, Luscious Larry treats us to the sight of his washboard abs as he strips off his jacket and shirt. Eventually René notices that he’s doing all the talking. “What’s up, guey?” (The closed caption actually reads “buey,” or ox, which also works for our boy Larry.) Lunkhead tells the dreary tale of his last encounter with Pilar. René’s eyes widen; his jaw drops; he claps one hand to his forehead and the other to the crown of his head; he drops wide-eyed and open-mouthed into a chair. I think he’s trying to tell us that he is muy impactado.

Back to Intracoastal Five-Star Rentals. Max has managed to pry Camila loose and sternly give her the “just friends” speech. She reprises “I Needs a Little Sugar in My Bowl.” Max offers no visible resistance this time around.

At the fábrica, Sra. Presidenta Diana is being introduced to her team. What follows could be a scene from an MGM musical circa 1940, along the lines of:
Emilio: “We just can’t let those old meanies at the bank foreclose on Widow Jenkins’ farm!”
The gang throws out ideas.
Diana: “I know, kids! Let’s put on a show! We’ll have music and costumes and lights and everything!”
Emilio: “Aw, gee, Diana, you’re swell!”
After which one of the gang points out that the success or failure of their venture depends on Our Heroine. Diana realizes that this is not “Babes in Arms”. Her smile fades and she looks down, thinking, “Damn. You’re right. That sucks.”

Roll credits

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Sunday, April 29, 2007

Duelo April 27 - Don Loco is uncharacteristically forgiving, he must be up to something.

After Emiliooo knocks the gun out of Don Loco’s hand and says “now you and me, unarmed” Don Loco says, in effect, “You and what army?” They stare at each other for a long few seconds while Soledad whimpers.

In Mexico City, the other doctor from the hospital visits Malena, wanting to know where Dr. Love is. He wants to know if Dr. Love is having trouble with Don Loco. Malena is also stupid, she believes that Don Loco surely allowed Dr. Love to take care of Mariana.

Don Loco finally says fine, if Alina thinks she’ll be happy with Orlando, she can learn from her own mistakes. He won’t interfere. But, he tells Emiliooo, you know darn well she doesn’t love the lieutenant. Suddenly Emiliooo is all polite and asks ‘con su permiso’ from both Montellanos as he leaves.

Thelma has some crazy idea that Orlando’s wedding should be kept a secret or something, she is over thinking everything. Singing Aunt breezes in, she’s very happy that Max is going to take her to San Mateo this evening for a date. Orlando doesn’t want to hear any of it and leaves. Thelma wants to know why she forgot so quickly what they heard last night, SA says he apologized and then goes on and on forever about how nice he is, la la la. They finally fade out because she won’t shut up.

Coral is in the cab, she says they finally lost whoever was following them. The driver has had enough, he takes her bags out of the car and leaves here there. In the middle of nowhere, the driver keeps saying “It’s your problem.” She picks up her suitcase and starts walking.

Luba and Gaspar talk about how they have an image to keep up, that they are a witch family and everyone should fear them. Then she complains about Thelma some more.

Angel el estupido greets Suzi very coldly, she has come to take care of him, but he just tells her “yeah great thanks but no thanks” Suzi and her excellent tight pants turn right around and leave. Then Angel tells himself that he acted like an ass with her. You think, you idiot?

Don Loco isn’t acting super duper crazy, so Soledad’s radar is going off like crazy. She wants to know what he’s thinking, being so quiet. He acts like he is tired of exacting his vengeance, he’s going to find a wedding present. Soledad flips out and wants to know where he is going for real. If his goal was to drive her crazy, he succeeded. She has lost it. Ha Don Loco then calls her out on the same thing, he tells her she’s crazy. She starts begging him to not let the wedding happen. She proceeds to have a novela style fainting attack, dramatically falling on the sofa. Don Loco for some reason starts lifting the dress up off of her legs, he sees blood everywhere, leaking from her prior injury.

Vera tells Mexican Larry to stay away from Luba and the cave. ML leaves and Rosita enters. She has a problem. Vera says everyone has a problem, like Alina… Rosita wants to know all about it. No no, Vera says, nothing. These two, give me a break. They play the passive/aggressive ‘woe is me’ game too much. Vera finally tells her that Alina has to marry Orlando.

Don Loco goes to Luba’s cave, he wants her to cure Soledad. He and Luba run off back to the house. Gaspar hopes Luba can cure her.

Thelma asks Emilioooo where he has been. He says he doesn’t have to tell her where he goes. Emiliooo says that Orlando has to marry Alina to restore her honor. Thelma says that Don Loco surely will block the wedding. Emiliooo says no, he spoke with DL, he will allow the wedding. Alina has come halfway down the stairs and hears this last part, she doesn’t look impactada or anything. Just whatever. These actors can’t even summon up a good impactado look anymore, the basic staple of novela acting. They are all truly just mailing it in now.

After the commercial Alina talks to Emiliooo and Thelma. She wants to know how he convinced DL to allow the wedding. He says something about DL not being able to oppose a member of the military. Whatever, like DL cares about something like that. Thelma acts all nice to Alina, “be happy” and other crap. What a snake. She talks about what a great guy Orlando is. Ha yeah right. Alina actually thanks Emiliooo for helping her, he apologizes for kissing her the other day. They start to talk about that and Emilioo finally says whatever, you have to marry him, he storms off.

Granillo is dressed up like a woman, he is complaining to Edelmira that he has to do the same menial work as the other girls, he is cleaning tables. Edel tells him to shut up, he still has to finish and then do yesterday’s accounting. As Edel leaves, Castulo enters and calls Granillo “Gorda.” Granillo says that’s no way to talk to a Dama. Ha. Castulo grabs him and wants to know what the guy in here last night was talking about.

Crazy doctor wants to hypnotize Santos to find out more of who he is.

Granillo says the guy was named Ramiro, he doesn’t know anything else. Castulo says Granillo has to find more info if that guy comes back again.

Rosita argues that Alina doesn’t love Orlando, but she obviously doesn’t realize that it doesn’t matter.

Adela is out looking for work since Don Loco ran her off. She finds Nora, who offers her a place to stay.

Luba wants to know how Soledad got hurt, DL says none of your beeswax, just fix her up. She says fine, and somewhat sarcastically says “as you wish.” DL asks about the cofre, she says it is still lost (she gets a good bugeyed look when he asks her about it), he says when she finds it he wants to see what is in it.

Don Max paces impatiently while SA shops in every single store, with poor Ifgenio having to carry everything. He is distracted by the knowledge that Santos is his son.

Alina walks in the forest and whines about having to marry Orlando, who she hates. DL rides up and asks her where she got the stupid idea to get married. He says she isn’t allowed. She says Emiliooo told her that DL allowed it, DL says that Emiliooo misunderstood. She will never be allowed to marry Orlando. WTF. Why does he waste so much time with this crap? Whatever, marry whoever you want, just get out of here.

Max and SA stop to eat at a little restaurant. Turns out that it is Hottie Mom’s place, she sees Max and goes nuts, calling him a killer.

DL and Alina discuss further, DL finally says if Alina doesn’t obey, Soledad will get hurt or killed.

Hottie Mom continues to go crazy on Max in the middle of the restaurant. Max and SA pick up their stuff and take off in a hurry.

Wild and crazy doctor hypnotizes Santos. He talks about a Rosa and Santos has a vision of making out with Rosita. He wakes up and brilliantly realizes that Rosa is a woman.

Alina begs, DL yells, if she disobeys Soledad will suffer. Alina cries some more.

Emiliooo stares at the heart necklace and talks to himself. Whine whine, she can’t marry Orlando, I’m going crazy.

The real doctor tells Thelma that the baby will be fine, everything will be fine, even giving birth here in SE.

Adela and Nora take a walk. They see a hole in the ground, Nora says it is a hunter’s trap. I’m sure we are being told this for a reason, later someone will get stuck in one. We get a long lok at the hole, then down in the hole, then… it’s the cofre! Someone threw it in a hole. What the hell is going on here? This thing teleports around on it’s own.

Luba works on curing Soledad. She says with the cofre she could end the suffering, but with it lost she can’t help. Now she won’t shut up about the cofre. She had it for years, nothing, now that it’s gone, suddenly it is the most important thing ever. Soledad wakes up and tells her how she shot herself in the leg by accident, trying to shoot DL. Soledad wants news of Alina and Orlando.

Gaspar talks to a frog about his munequita, since he can’t talk to his mom about it. He hopes the baby isn’t tonto like him.

Alfonssina in another excellent tight dress treats Mariana roughly, ‘taking care’ of her. Throwing her around while fluffing pillows, etc. Sergio comes in and tells her that Hugo is here for her, he wonders what that’s all about. Alfonsina runs to Hugo, they start making out in the middle of Don Loco’s office. In walks Don Loco! For some reason, he yells “Hugo!” I would have expected that he yelled at his woman Alfonsina, but no, he yells at Hugo. Or Gasca. Or whatever you want to call him. Ooops, the s**t is about to hit the fan. Don Loco says he understands everything now. Gasca says he was stupid, he thought Alfonsina was just a plaything for Don Loco. DL runs Alfonsina out of the room. Somehow Gasca manages to apologize his way out of it. DL asks him, “you found Soledad’s bracelet in Jose’s bed, right?” Gasca says yes.

Luba tells Soledad that she thinks the thing with Alina and Orlando is nthing serious. Soledad says she thinks it is, Emilioooo came and asked permission for her to marry Orlando.

Vera tells Alina that Rosita came looking for her. Vera says something about the wedding, Aina says there won’t be any wedding.

Max tries to play Hottie Mom off as some crazy woman, Singing Aunt is giving him the third degree. Max convinces her that he does not have a son.

DL tells Gasca that he needs someone who isn’t part of the regular local people to talk to, Gasca says he’s the one, he’s all ears. I expect DL to try and spring some sort of trap here, he let the whole Alfonsina thing go way too easily.

Hottie Mom and her employees sit down and discuss the Don Max situation. They decide that Max is a bad man.

Santos decides to go out and find Granillo again to see if he can help.

Alina talks to Donkey, who barks as if talking back to her. She doesn’t say anything interesting. She has no way out.

The doctor examines Angel, he tells him that he is very strong, anyone else would be in much worse shape. Angel tells how he was an ass with Suzi, he wants to send along an apology.. Emiliooo comes in, the doctor says he’ll be back tomorrow with an antibiotic. Emiliooo tells Angel that Alina will marry Orlando. Angel is slow motion going to commercial impactado.

Coral tries to hitch a ride back to San Mateo, she stands by a sign that says 20km back to town. For some reason nobody will stop to pick her up. Her outfit isn’t revealing enough I guess.

Angel doesn’t understand, of course, Alina hates Orlando. Emiliooo says whatever, the important thing is to get Alina out of this place.

DL talks about Soledad’s new lover, then about Alina. He wants to ruin everything. Gasca says tell me all about it.

Angel whines some more, Emiliooo yells at him and leaves. These two are so useless.

Rosita talks to herself about how strange Alina’s wedding plan is. Braulio and Hottie Mom come in, they have the money they need to pay off Castulo for information. Earlier at her restaurant, when they all decided Max was a bad man, Hottie mom and the others talked about money, that must have been related to this.

SA looks at baby clothes and is excited. Thelma is more and more worried about having the baby and what will happen after that. SA goes on and on, Thelma tells her to shut up. She doesn’t want to talk about the baby any more. She actually tells SA to tell her about her date with Don Max. Wow she must be desperate to change the subject to ask for THAT.

Luba has some orange flashbacks of the Orlando/Alina ‘courtship’, Alina running away on a horse, Orlando following with something hidden behind his back, him saying that Donkey interrupted whatever he was doing with Alina, etc. Luba told him that Donkey only makes trouble with bad guys, not good guys. She vowed that Orlando will pay. Soledad shakes her out of her memory. Luba says that she doesn’t think DL will allow the wedding. Luba thinks “mi cofre… me cofre….”, like when the old crazy lady was going to the woods to die, thinking “cocolbosh… cocolbosh….”

Alina packs her things, I think she is going to make escape attempt # 529. She throws everything into a huge burlap bag and runs from her room.

DL is drunk and comes to see Soledad. Now he tells Soledad that he WON’T interfere with Alina’s wedding. What is he up to? He says he wants to recover his love and happiness with Soledad. This better not turn out like Asuncion in Alborada, where that asshole husband of hers was forgiven after being nice for five minutes. The end of this novela someday better feature the death or incarceration of Don Loco or I will hate it even more than I already do.

Alina pauses on her way out of the house, perhaps she is trying to figure out how to sabotage her own escape and blame it on being concerned with her mother. I really like her tight tanktop.

Monday – Alina, who changed clothes somewhere along the way, is still escaping through the wilderness and is scared by some snakes.

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Zorro-April 27, 2007: Esme joins forces with Pizarro and Diego comes home

Show opens with the meeting of the two Zorros, Diego-Zorro and Tobi-Zorro. Since Diego doesn’t realize he’s Zorro, he asks, he asks if he(TZ) is Zorro. He looks at the wanted poster again and looks at TZ and says then I must not be Zorro. TZ meanwhile is a little frightened and confused because the “real” Zorro is not wearing the entire costume. They have a confused look staring contest.

Back to Renzo and Esme discussing how good Esme plan is for Piza to bring in Diego to help in the rescue. Esme wants to see Diego again. Renzo I guess is probably coming to terms about Esme’s love for Diego as they discuss that Diego knows about the baby and that Esme stayed with Monty for his (Diego) and the baby’s sake. Esme goes on about Diego how special it is between them. I imagine Renzo feels like someone is sticking a knife into his heart at each mention of the name Diego. Renzo sweety I feel bad for how your hurting but you never had a chance. Esme apologizes for talking about Diego so much but she’s worried about him (ulcer count -1). Renzo tells her don’t apologize he knows where he stands and Diego is very lucky to have a women like Esme, brave and willing to sacrifice a lot for him. Esme fears for Diego’s safety again (ulcer count -2).

Back to the two Zorros, DZ wants to find out who this Zorro is and rides toward him. Meanwhile TZ is worried that the “real” Zorro will kill him but he puts on his brave face and takes out his sword. Meanwhile guards appear out of nowhere and start shooting. There is mounted sword fighting between the two Zorros and TZ manages to knock DZ off his horse. A fallen Diego starts feeling around the ground and finds his sword.

At the de la Vega’s Alej is digesting the news of Diego’s disappearance. Alej can’t explain how Diego got lost with Monty’s men having the house surrounded. Bernie signs something that Alej interprets to mean Diego wasn’t at the hacienda, he was riding around in the mountains and that’s where he got hurt. I love the sign for Diego (swiping a hand over your face, almost like a mask, wouldn’t that work more for Zorro?). Alej buys this flimsy excuse, I mean wouldn’t have Alej or Yumi seen him riding around at some point? Dena suggests having somebody go look for him and Alej tells Bernie to have Juan organize a posse to find Diego. Yumi says she’ll go as the men are needed for the war but Dena doesn’t want her to. Dena is worried about something bad happening to Yumi out in the mountains (ulcer count -3). Yumi tells her that she knows the mountain like the back of her hand she won’t get lost. Alej detains Yumi saying that Diego could have gone anywhere and f she gets lost then they have to search for two people instead of one. I don’t understand this part of the story if Yumi grew up in the mountains and knows them very well why all the worry about getting lost. Yumi does a small smile at Alej’s concern and we go back to Bernie organizing everything. Alej worries about Diego (ulcer count -4) as in his state anything can happen. Alej how right you are!

We go back to TZ & DZ for some sword fighting and at one point Diego punches TZ. They have this funny non-macho facial expression chin pointing thing. Well Diego is doing it more macho-ish, TZ just looks like he’s puckering his lips together. The two Zorros then line up next to each other and there’s some individual swordplay with guards. Its kinda hard to describe so bear with me. There is a circle of guards with the two Zorro’s in the middle and more sword play. Diego at point feels ache in his shoulder wound so I imagine, he’s going to need a Bengay massage when this is over. I don’t know how but TZ got covered in his cape and he’s on the ground crawling around meanwhile the guards are surrounding DZ and says he’s not Zorro. I am just smiling at this point he looks cute in a tonto kinda way. DZ looks around and fingers a running away cape covered TZ as Zorro and the guards give chase. TZ mounts his steed and before riding off, a guard gets a shot at him. DZ runs off and is pulled aside by Padre Tomas. PT tells Diego to be quiet and to listen to him. PT distracts the guards and tells them that Zorro took his horse and ran off over there (who knows where he was pointing to but whatever). DZ tells PT that lying is a sin and PT tells him to shut up. PT tells Diego that they are in danger and they have to leave the city. DZ doesn’t understand what he has to do with Zorro. I think PT is just aggravated that he keeps repeating himself but tells DZ that he will explain everything in due time, he understands he’s lost his memory but not his intelligence. PT saw his good sword fighting but he has to learn to pretend. Diego doesn’t understand anything. PT tells him he’s going to take him to see if he seeing his father will help jog his memory. PT asks DZ to whistle, after some arguing DZ whistles and Tornado comes galloping. DZ is surprised to see Gaspar. PT rolls his eyes at the name Gaspar.

Back at the prison, Monty throws a tortured and beaten Dolores into Esme’s cell. Rat faced jerk, he needs to pay big time. Monty warns Esme that is what happens to people who don’t collaborate with him or don’t take him seriously. Esme calls him an animal (duh, you just realize this now?). Monty tells her that he’s not playing and worry more about that bastard she’s carrying. What Dol went through will much worse than she’s going to endure. Esme tells him he’s going to pay dearly for all he’s done. Monty asks if that’s a threat and to be careful cuz his men found the gypsy hiding place, his men are on the gypsies heels. Esme doesn’t believe Monty. Monty could care less but to him its easier if he captures them without her help, very satisfying for his ego. Now he’s got more pressing matters to attend to. While it hurts him, she’s going to learn to talk either the nice way or the hard way. Esme tries to wake up a beaten Dol. Dol repeats that she didn’t say anything. Renzo calls out to a guard, he wants to get bandages and water for Dolores. Renzo tells Esme that they have no choice.

Monty walks up to two guards talking. They salute and Monty wants to get in on the chisme. The guards tell Monty that they already told Pizzaro but Monty wants the information anyway. The guard, Cifuentes says that Alej in his military uniform took over the hacienda and they say he is an excellent military man. Monty tells the guard doing that does not make someone an excellent military man and orders them back to their post. I thought it was pretty good but then again Monty hates to be one upped so anything anybody does better he would have issues with. Monty tells the air that Pizzaro has some ‘splaining to do.

Back to Padre Tomas and Diego. PT goes into who Monty is and the whole deal with Zorro (who he is, he fights for the poor, etc.) and that Diego is Zorro. Diego is surprised that he does all this and he looks pretty proud of himself. PT asks Diego if he’s noticed how well he handles a sword. Diego tells him yes, there is agility and reflexes that he doesn’t understand. PT tells Diego about who is mom is and he was named Tisha (little impatient fox) and all that. Diego’s mind is still drawing a blank but PT says that it will eventually come to him. Diego apologizes for acting like an imbecile. PT says the only Diego has to do is trust him. PT tells Diego that nobody knows Zorro’s real identity not even the brotherhood. Which is about bring on more questions but PT tells Diego another time. PT tells Diego that nobody can know he has that wound, because Zorro received the wound not Diego. Diego’s not worried notbody willl see him naked. PT reminds Diego that he is married. Diego is impactado.

Meanwhile at the Sanchez de Moncada, Mangle is going crazy rifling through all the drawers and can’t believe her father left her penniless. She can’t find anything and she doesn’t want to be at the mercy of the filthy hunchback. She then decides to search the studio.

PT tells Diego that he is not in love with wife, he’s in love with somebody else. Diego is all confused. PT tells him it’s complicated to explain which in a way I agree and I am watching the novella. Plus if PT were to explain everything then we’d have to go to the first episode of Zorro and that would take a lot of time. So instead PT tells Diego he’s married and puts the wedding ring on his finger, wow his hand looks big and gives him a shirt to wear. PT explains to Diego that Diego likes poetry (meanwhile Diego is trying to remove the ring, hehehe and places it on his other hand?), non-violence, literature, and Diego is a bit of a reputation with the ladies. Diego comprends a little and says that while I am at home, I am in disguise. PT explains you play like someone refined so that nobody suspects him of anything. Diego then asks PT about his horse, he’s friendly with him and all that but when he called his name he threw him off. PT laughs and tells Diego that the horse is his, they are like one person and the horse is a little testy with him because he keeps calling him Gaspar when his name is Tornado. He was a gift from the brotherhood according to the story, Tornado’s family was taken up to the sky in a giant whirlpool of a tornado and Tornado escaped by his ferocity and velocity. Tornado is his, he is Zorro’s horse. Diego says the name Tornado with honor and to tell you the truth so I like it, it fits perfectly, way better than Gaspar.

Cut to Monty asking Piza what does he know about the de la Vegas, Piza tries to lie and they got close the hacienda and the de la Vega’s escape. Monty calls the lie and that he knows the truth. Piza doen’t bat an eye lash and says he didn’t want to bother Monty with bad news. He says all the men looking for SK being that is a priority. Monty gets mad and says he makes the decisions in this outfit and he wants info. Piza tells Monty that there casualties and it was very well planned and Monty tells him DUH, Alej is a military man and your guys are a pile of manure (estiércol). Sure Monty keep piling up the hate, you ain’t scoring any points for your side. Monty orders Piza to draft anybody even injured soldiers (is this proper military protocol, or even wise I think not) and arrange for a few to guard the prison but Piza is going to retake the hacienda. Piza tells Monty that the prison can’t be left unguarded but Monty says nobody is crazy enough to try anything with him there. Monty tells Piza to take Garcia with him and put him in the front lines, maybe he’ll get shot. Monty tells Piza to arrest Alej and Diego and to not fail him else he’ll think somebody is up and Piza knows how error is punished.

Back to Padre Tomas and Diego. PT has brought Diego home and the peons and workers are cheering. Diego is a little surprised by the homecoming but PT tells him he is very well liked. Even Bernie walks up and PT tells him Bernie knows everything about Zorro and is Diego’s right hand. PT gets angry because Diego and Bernie are just staring at each other awkwardly (but hey they sorta had a spat before). Diego apologizes and Bernie gives a big hug. PT tells Bernie to put Tornado in the bat cave and tells Diego let’s got meet your father.

Cut to Dena and Yumi having a heart to heart (this is way to weird even though Dena doesn’t know the whole story). Dena tells Yumi she thought Yumi didn’t like her. Yumi tells her, she respects her stuff like that. Dena then says that since she doesn’t have Esme she wants closeness with Yumi and for Yumi to call her Godmother. Dena confesses to Yumi that she felt jealous at first (I would continue to feel that way if I were you) but when Yumi arranged to bring Dena to the hacienda and offered to look for Diego, she got to understand her feelings. They share hug sort of, actually Dena does the hugging, Yumi probably feels guilty or at least I hope so considering. Bernie comes in and signs that Diego has appeared and both of Alej’s women run out.

Diego confesses to PT that he’s nervous about meeting his dad and not recognizing him. PT says don’t worry about it, he’ll explain the situation that he fell and got a bump on the head and has amnesia. PT tells Diego to be very loving to his dad, his dad is crazy about him. Alej shows up in his military uniform and is all smiles and gives Diego a hug. Diego probably winces in pain (the hug hurt the shoulder maybe) and Alej asks if something is wrong. Diego tells him that he just hurt his head when he fell off horse. Alej tells PT may God bless him for finding Diego and PT tells him its his right. Alej tells Diego he knows about the amnesia and asks if he remembers him. Diego doesn’t answer and you can tell Alej feels a little upset/worried (ulcer count -3 ) but PT says not to worry, everything will come back.

Back to Mangle getting upset and crazy because daddy dear left her penniless. She pulls out books from shelves and finds a box with a letter. She says its perfect and now Olmos can’t cheat her like he did her father. I wonder what it is. She takes the box and letter with her and goes to change clothes. I guess her little temper tantrum made her all sweaty.

Cut to Olmos and his buddy (the one that shot at Esme) discussing the finer details about a house purchase in a remote location. Olmos’ plot didn’t go as planned and when the Duke finds out he wants to be a million miles away with the one thing he has always wanted.

Cut to Mangle being rude and nasty to Isidoro and telling him to take her home. As Isidoro is about to leave Olmos shows up. He calls her Miss Mangle and Mange corrects him and tells her its Mrs. Mangle, show respect. Olmos says he’s sorry for the mistake. Mrs. Mangle tells Olmos she she’s going to be in charge of her daddy’s stuff so update her on everything and to get her a copy of the will. Olmos tells her that FS never trusted him with it and Mangle seems to believe it but warns that he better not be lying and leaves. Olmos tells the air that he respects Mangle but doesn’t trust her and when FS dies she’s going to be his woman. EWWW!!!!

Back to the de la Vegas. Alej asks Diego if he has any questions before his ladies greet him (actually he said Yumi & Dena but you know what I mean). Diego tells him where do I begin everything is so new. Basically Diego gives a rundown about his mom which Alej expands a little (Toyprunia/Regina explanation), Alej’s military background and that they are apparently rich, Alej’s remarried and that he Diego is married. Diego is basically still drawing a blank, he thought being home would spark something, but it ain’t happening. Alej tells don’t worry he’s seen these stuff in war. PT tells Diego don’t force his memory. ALej promises to do everything possible for him to remember. I wonder what exactly, I mean is he going to give him another bump on the head? Mangle finally comes home and a peon tells her the good news that Diego has returned but his memory is out to lunch. Mangle smiles and says its like having a new husband. She’s going to have Diego all to herself and no Esme memories. Hmpf we’ll see how long that lasts.

Back from commercial we go to the prison with Esme is telling Piza that she needs medicine and water for Dolores. Piza assures Esme she had nothing to do with it and he’ll send a guard in with the supplies. Esme asks Piza to get pen and paper. Piza thinks its for SK and tells her its pointless. Esme tells him its for Alej and to make sure it gets to him. With the letter, Alej will be more inclined to help in his plan. Piza smiles (at least I think it’s a smile) and tells Esme that she must agree with is plan. Esme tells yes and he better be on the up and up else he will be sorry (I believe her so long as Renzo isn’t the one that will make him pay because he hasn’t shown a good track record yet).

Back to de la Vega’s, Alej asks Diego if he’s ready to meet his wife, Mangle. Diego says I suppose but I must know her real well for me to have married her. PT and Alej just look at each other (ulcer count 4 and 5). Diego half smiles and says its going to be a shame when she realizes I don’t recognize her. Alej tells Diego, he’s going to talk to Mangle to make their meeting easier.

Cut to MP and Nutty. I guess we have to use her real name now drat I was liked calling her Nutty. Oh well SS is washing MP’s feet and they are talking like old times. SS tells MP that she felt ashamed because she wasn’t baptized and tells of her aunt telling her she was a child of sin. MP tells her she shouldn’t be embarrassed and that what her aunt said isn’t true we are children of God and we all have a purpose. SS says she feels liberated ever since exorcism. MP gets all teary eyed and talks about the ironies of life and she left the nunnery for an illusion and now she feels dirty.

FS and Herman Aaron share a talk about how they came to God. Aron tells FS that he lost his family in the most absurd way. FS shares that he came to God through the passion for a woman. That passion lead him to almost take her life and now he’s come to realization she will never be his, never was.

Back to SS and MP. MP says she was mistaken in trying to recapture her happy life with FS instead of remembering why she left him. SS tries to tell MP she’s causing herself hurt recalling this stuff. MP tells about how she believed in FS’s honesty and he betrayed her again. SS tells her that she shouldn’t take blame on herself. MP says she’s worried about what might happen to FS (ulcer count -6) and the path he’s going to take and the one she’s going to have to take (ulcer count -7) SS tells MP that to look in her heart, because like MP used to tell her God always guides our paths.

At the de la Vega’s Diego meets Mangle. She’s caressing his hand like crazy (who can blame her but I don’t want her to do the caressing only Esme). Alej tells Diego that Mangle has been updated and Diego does a small smile. Mangle tells Diego there is nothing to worry about, he’s home and she’s going to take care of him. Diego looks scared but says he’ll do his best to behave like a good hubby. Alej takes this reunion to bring everybody up to remind everybody they are at war, he’s to start a draft and rescue Dolores and rest of the staff. Diego wants to help, not sure what’s the deal with war but Monty is a tyrant and his duty is next to his dad. Alej appreciates the effort but he’s in no condition to fight, stay home and let Mangle take care of you. Alej asks PT if he wants to stay at the home, he’s worried about his safety (ulcer count -8). PT says don’t worry, Monty’s men won’t try anything against him, besides he got pressing matters at the mission. PT tells Diego he’ll be back, they have some more to discuss. Mangle then tells Diego they have a lot to talk about and leads him away.

Alej then asks PT if he thinks Diego will recover. PT says he doesn’t know but amnesia is usually temporary and for the good of everybody he hopes Diego recovers soon. They both look worried (ulcer count-9 and -10).

Back at the prison and weak Dolores tells Esme that Monty the animal thought Diego had ran off with Esme. Dol says she didn’t know what he was talking about. Dol then tells Esme that SAM told her that woman in jail is SK’s mom. Esme tells Dol that she’ll tell her the story later but right now she needs to rest, they beat her a lot. Dol asks about Diego and Alej. Esme tells her that Alej got his hacienda back but knows nothing about Diego and she needs to know how he is. Dol assumes Diego is okay cuz if they found him, he would have been arrested. Meanwhile Piza is trying to figure out whose side SAM is on. Piza tells him that Monty has organized a witch hunt and the first on the list are the de la Vegas. SAM tells Piza that his relationship with the de la Vega’s will not affect his duties. Piza tells SAM that he knows he respects Diego and tells SAM that’s working a rebellion against Monty which is risking his life and he wants allies and SAM would be very useful. SAM doesn’t know where Piza is going with this. Piza tells SAM that Monty wants to take over hacienda de la Vega and kill them but Piza wants de la Vega’s to help overthrow Monty. SAM salutes and Piza can count on him.

Back to the gypsies who are in the wide open spaces again. Jonas is concerned with SK’s wound but she says its fine only a scratch. Hermes says its his fault they are slow going to a hideout. Hermes says to leave him behind but SK will have none of it. Hermes tells SK she has to return to Spain to reclaim her crown. SK says its not so easy cuz after the king is the Duke who is a dangerous man, ambitious and he would kill to obtain power.

Back in Spain, the Queen is screaming the King has been killed. Duke orders the guards to search the castle. Queen is afraid for her life but the Duke promises to watch her day and night. He hugs her. I think this Queen should be careful who hugs her in the future.

Back at the prison, some guards discuss the TZ and DZ showdown. Esme sees this as a sign that Diego is okay and runs to a sleeping Dol and tells her did you hear that, Diego is okay. Good thing Dolores didn’t hear her, else how would Esme explain Diego is alive when the guards were talking about Zorro. Esme is happy that Diego is alive, he’ll never forget her or his son.

Meanwhile Mangle is showing Diego their honeymoon suite where they’ve had lots of steamy nights together (in her drunken stupor dreams I imagine), don’t you remember. Diego says no (well I doubt he’s going to remember events that never happened). Mangle says it doesn’t matter and starts kissing him with gusto. Mangle tells him that she will help him remember with her kisses and caresses (bleh). Diego asks how long they’ve been married and Mangle tells him a few days and technically they are still on honeymoon. Mangle is happy that they are together and nobody will separate them. Diego looks at her funny and tries to play it off like he’s very lucky to be married to somebody beautiful as her. Mangle goes to shut the door and Diego makes a face like he would rather be getting bumped in the head. Mangle thanks Diego for the wonderful words and now she’s going to show him why he married her. She throws herself at him and poor Diego doesn’t know any better so he responds to the kisses.

END OF EPISODE/ulcer count -10 (Where’s the ulcer medicine?)

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Destilando Amor, 04/27/07: "Drunk as a Skunk and In Such a Funk"

Minnie walks into Aaron's office as he's rushing to get last minute things done before his 4 PM flight. She informs him that Isadora is divorcing Rod and that Rod is so obsessed with that jimadora hooker of his, he couldn't care less about Isa's leaving. They agree that Aaron needs to convince Rod to ask Isa to come back and to have her persist in her useless quest to seduce his cousin. Otherwise, if Rodrigo finds his migrant "working girl", she'll end up pregnant and Aaron and Minnie forfeit the fortune if their baby turns out to be a girl.

Aaron calls in Gavi and tells her to call up Rod at the hacienda so he can talk to him. Back outside the office door, Gavi freaks and asks/tells Elvira to make the call, but Elvira snaps back that Gavi doesn't give her orders and refuses. "Get back and do your job!" Gavi makes the call and Sayinyawanna answers the phone.

Rod has turned from the Gentle Green Giant to The Hulk on steroids. He is out in the back screaming and threatening poor Crispin that he has only one more month to find the real Gaviota. He says he's more in love with her than ever and it is just killing him. Then he throws the old guy out.


At the same time SJ tries to tell him about the company being on the line for him, but Rod screams at San Juana that he doesn't want to be interrupted when he's busy. SJ runs back to the kitchen and tells Gavi that he isn't in right then and has no idea when he's getting back.

Hilario is sulking there in the kitchen. SJ has been trying to get Hilario's attention and to cheer him out of his strange mood, but he snubs her and just walks off.

Minnie says Rod is just refusing to come to the phone. They need Grammie P's help with this. Aaron tells her to settle it herself. He doesn't have the time or the inclination because when he gets back he's got to convene an important board meeting with the family and Rod's got to be there since he's in charge of the other half of the family enterprise. Talk over. Aaron sends her off to Grandma's house, then tells Gavi to try Rod again and to make sure his cousin gets a message that there is going to be an important board meeting for the entire Montalvo family on the 27th. Above all, Elvira isn't to touch anything of his while he's gone away.

Grammie P and Sourpuss Sofia are not going to stand by and let Rod's marriage go to hell in a handbasket because who needs all the baggage a messy divorce leads to. Minnie comes by then and is hot under the collar because this new foxy Mariana has slyly managed to twist Aaron's arm into not just giving her the receptionist's job; but the brass-balled b!tch has now gotten him to throw out Minnie's handpicked unsexytary and to replace her with Mariana herself.

Grammie tells Minnie to lay off Mariana despite her jealous suspicions and Aaron's track record since she is in a "delicate" state, and upsetting herself could jeapardize her pregnancy.

Aaron is anxious to discuss the progress of the newer, higher priced tequila manufacturing project with them all. He fancies himself gaining the admiration of the entire Montalvo family with the success of this new product.

Icedora meets with Minnie and Sofia for lunch just to tell them she has definitely left Rod and isn't ever going back. She has had enough humiliation and rejection to last a lifetime. (The woman has her pride, ya know?) Absolutely nothing she tried got his attention. (My hubby says he gives her an A with two thumbs up in a circle for those efforts.....)


Minnie suggests she hold off and wait for the family meeting so they can take advantage of it to corner Rod then. Icedora says it's too late for that. She's going to collect for all her spilled tears and she is going to take Rod for half his entire fortune. If looks could kill right then, Sofia would have already sliced and diced Icedora and fed her chum to the sharks.

Rod is in a super funk. He closes himself up in his office with a fifth of tequila and listens to Gavi's tape. The guy is desperate to find Gavi and to make mad passionate love to her after that witch's brew from the night before it seems. He is on a drinking binge and screams to everyone who comes to the door to leave him the hell alone. He is one sloppy mean drunk, too, breaking and smashing everything in sight, including his grampy's picture. He is on a tear and is crying over his tequila. He blames himself for screwing up with Gavi so badly because of his macho man jealousy. (If Gavi only knew the pound of flesh she was collecting out of this.....)

Gavi calls again, but SJ cannot get Mr. Rodrigo to even talk to her let alone take any phonecalls, so she says he's still not back yet and has no idea when he's returning. Gavi then leaves Aaron's message about the important family board meeting on the 27th that he absolutely needs to attend. Rod, in between T shots, remembers the first time he and Gavi drank Tequila together and thinks about how much he needs her now.

Hilario tells Roman that he is too afraid to bother Rodrigo, but he is actually just suffering one hell of a guilt trip over getting it on with the boss's wife, figuring there is definitely no long term job security for him if and when that little news nugget gets out. Ofelia worries about Isa's sudden leaving being the cause of Mr. Rodrigo's going on a wild drunk. She's afraid he'll do something crazy to himself. Roman shakes his head and explains that his wife leaving him was actually an act of liberation for the man. It is Gaviota he's going nuts about, not Isadora. Ofelia is all a big wide-eyed OMG.


Since Roman is worried about his boss he tells Hilario to go grab the truck and bring back Mister James. James will be the only one who will be able to get through to Young Mr. Rod.

That same evening after work, Margarita has invited Gavi to join her and her boyfriend for a drink. Margarita's boyfriend has a buddy who will be sort of a blind date. At the club Blind Date Buddy (Manuel) of course asks Gavi if she's got a boyfriend. She answers no way. She doesn't need that kind of debilitating suffering and then laughs that love gives her a rash. Bind Date Buddy is forward enough to ask her if she's not interested in guys with small wallets, then, like him. Gavi laughs and says they're there to have fun. Margarita says she figures she got badly hurt by some guy sometime in the past. Gavi won't admit there was or is anyone in her life.

James gets Rod to open the door up and to let him into the room. Rod tells him he knows Isa left him when she realized the truth of the matter. He can't even breathe anymore he is so taken with the need to find Gaviota. James is so flustered he tells Rod that what he needs is a priest to exorcise him. "You're possessed, Rodrigo!!" (No. I'd say it is just the other way around, James, considering your guest stay at the Addams' family ranch.)


Rod asks him if he really thinks Gavi actually bewitched him. "--What are you saying?" Would she need to do that to entice her man? "You got to be crazy! Women usually do that sort of thing to attract men, not to keep them away from them." (No, guys. It was Isa who did this to the Rodster, and she botched the job 'cause she didn't bother to tell the old gal when she bought the potion that her Burly Bear was already in love with somebody else before marrying HER.)

James blasts Rod for losing his wife and destroying his marriage over a woman that he'll never see again, who probably doesn't want to have anything to do with him ever again and who is probably already involved with somebody else. Otherwise, she'd have contacted him somehow. (If it was the blind leading the blind before, it just became the blind being led by the deaf, dumb and -----.)

Rod refuses to accept the thought of giving her up forever and always like that. He begins yelling like a wounded wildebeast. He pounds on Jame's chest and screams at his best friend over and over that Gavi is coming back in the spring for the harvest, and that she will want to see him.

Rod tells James that he was never in love before and then when he fell in love with Gavi he wanted to live it to the fullest. His damned sense of responsibility made him go back to England. Then when he came back things with her just got so complicated. He just let his damned jealousy take over his good sense and now all he's done since he got back is step in it over and over again. Other couples break up but they get back to gether and get to give it a second chance, but he says that doesn't seem to be in the cards for him. (I think I started looking for my own tequila bottle about here.)

James says he needs to rise above this like he did with the tragic deaths of his grandfather and parents. After all, James adds, if he got over Sofia's dumping him and then found love again with Acacia, then Rod can fall in love again also. (Wha-?? I don't think you even wanna go there, Baby James. Nope. We don't really wanna have that discussion, you an' me.) Rod tells him that if he met Gaviota again even if he had to suffer it all over the same way, he would fall in love with her just like before, however much it hurt.

In the meantime, Sayinyawanna tries again to cheer Hilario up with another roll in the hay, but Hilario snubs her. This time around, though, she tells him to get stuffed.

Finally James tells Rod to get back with Isa and to make an effort, to find the desire to make things right with her. "Echele ganas". After James leaves him, Rod picks up the tape player and says out loud to Gavi, "If you knew how much I am suffering, we'd be together again already. We'd be loving each other now." He goes to sleep still playing her songs and calling out her name.

At the apartment in the city later that same evening, Icedora tells her mother her real plan is to frighten Sofia and her grandmother enough to get the family to force Rodrigo to take her back. Seduction didn't work. She doesn't have to lift a finger. She only has to sit back and wait now, or one-half of his fortune is her consolation prize. Isa's momma is thrilled with her daughter's ingenuity.

That night Grammy P and Sofia discuss the upsetting news about the impending divorce also. "Isa took her claws out." Those eyes bug out of Grammy P's head again, and she is really starting to sound like a stuck record. "I told Rodrigo there will be NO divorces in this family!" --particularly if that divorce is just to let her grandson free to go running after some whoring migrant and shame the family.

Sofia worries that because of some stupid whim of her mush-for-brains brother, they stand to lose half of their possessions while Isa ends up taking it to pay off her father's business debts!! She suggests that Rod will only listen to reason if Grammy talks to him. "Do it then, Grammy. Do it!!"

At the same time, Sofia thinks to herself that if Grammy really knew the truth about Gaviota, that she really went innocently to Europe looking for Rodrigo simply to tell him about their baby, then Grammy might just sit on her hands. Sofia figures that wouldn't do at all and would wreck her plans to get Isa pregnant and put the fortune securely under her brother's control.

Grammy P tells her to buy plane tickets for the two of them to go to the hacienda and speak to Rodrigo ASAP. "Right away, Grammy!" Sofia thinks to herself there is no way she is really going to let Grammy P talk to him let alone about his Gaviota "problem". Once they arrive she will make sure they don't get a chance to speak to each other.

Since it's aparrently a kareoke night, Gavi gets to sing her heart out and afterwards the whole bar cheers for her. It's late so Gavi decides to take a cab home then, instead of sticking around with the group any longer. She figures Clarita is probably worried about her. Blind-Date Buddy Manuel tells Margarita that Gavi seems to be a woman already in love, deeply hurt, but definitely in love.

When Gavi gets home she tells her mother about the nice evening she had. Gavi also suggests Clarita should go looking for a nicer and more comfortable apartment now that she's to get a raise in pay. Clarita then asks her if this new young man she met today might just be the prince charming she needs now. Gavi says no. Despite the pain of a lifetime hurt Rodrigo caused her, she will always love him.

Gavi and her mother discuss the phonecall to the hacienda. Clarita asks what Gavi will do if and when Rodrigo Montalvo finally does come up for the board meeting, and they see each other again. She'll suffer for sure. Gavi admits that even though she wanted the job to get some good business experience by working there she somehow feels closer to him. Either way, she plans to have everything ready and then to let Elvira take the bows in front of the family during the meeting. Eventually she'll find work somewhere else where she won't be haunted by Rodrigo's memory, as soon as she's gotten enough experience.

When James gets back to Melitón's ranch Acacia is sitting outside moping. She asks him where he's been off to. He explains and then asks her if she would spend the night with him. Acacia says no, she can't because of her uncle. "When are we going to speak to him?" "--Never!" She wants him to swear he'll leave as soon as the peanut harvest is over and never look for her again. Then she surprises him with another desperate kiss.

Melitón starts screaming for her about then and she runs off. James gets this puzzled look on his face, like "what the heck is happening here?" (Can he really be that naive about Acacia's relationship with her uncle after the other night??? How can he still be after her if he suspects anything at all like that? Yechhh!)

Inside the house, Acacia enters her uncle's room, but stays by the door. Melitón gets out of his bed and starts scratching himself in all the wrong places. He orders her to get into his bed but she refuses point blank. He beats her face with his fist, knocking her down and against the wall. Her nose is bleeding. He grabs her by the hair. "My house, my rules!" (My Gawd.)

While all this is taking place Roman finds Hilario sulking near the house. Hilario has been remembering Icedora's insults towards him. He 'fesses up to his daddy that he fooled around with another woman. Roman can handle that news and says hopefully SJ doesn't know, but somebody will eventually get hurt if he doesn't break it off with one or the other. Hilario admits then that it was a married woman. Roman jumps up and runs off telling him that was foolish and has to stop immediately. Hilario agrees it won't happen again.

Before going to sleep, Clarita and Gavi have one more conversation about work. Gavi mentions that Aaron Montalvo's wife is crazy jealous of every woman, but with reason. This surprises her mother who tells her to keep her eyes wide open so that he doesn't take after her skirts the same way, then take a broom to her (in a manner of speaking) like playboys generally do. Gavi says he's so far been decent towards her.

The next morning Gavi gets in trouble from Elvira for supposedly keeping her out of the loop for the meeting preparations. Gavi says it wasn't intentional. She just thought to learn the ropes herself and save Elvira the prep work. Elvira yells at her and accuses her of trying to take over her job responsibilities also just to shine in front of the Montalvo family. Gavi says it wasn't that way, but oh well.

Rod comes downstairs with a a hell of a hangover. He is asking Roman to go with him to the distillery. Ofelia runs in to advise him that there is another call from the corporation. Aaron's secretary is wanting to speak to him. Ofelia gives him the message about the meeting on the 27th and says they've called a few times now. Roman tells him they've been trying to reach him for a while. Rod says he doesn't want to go to talk to anyone and is in a rotten mood. "Let's just settle this business once and for all. Give me the phone." He starts speaking rudely into the receiver (without knowing it is Gavi on the other end). "Hello. You tell my cousin I'm not interested and I am not coming to any board meeting!!"

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La Fea Más Bella #263 4/27/07 Recap with footnotes*

(*That's #261 by Univision's count; but it's 263 hours.)

The veneer wears thin

Fern and Aldo compete with one another to get Omar to apologize for calling Lety ugly. He does so to applause. This nets Aldo a couple of hugs from Lety, while Fern gets a mere handshake. Meanwhile, Ariel and Ana-Leticia remain in the boardroom and sulk. You would think that Fern was asking them to sell off all their worldly goods and eat out of garbage dumpsters. In A-L's defense, she's stupid and she believes everything Ariel tells her. I'm not sure what Ariel's excuse is.

Lety's phone rings. And rings. Lety realizes that it's Omar calling for Aurora. While Omar bounces in his seat waiting for her to answer, Lety tells Aldo she doesn't recognize the number and tries to blow it off. Aldo offers to answer the phone for her, and even reaches for it. Lety puts on her Big Girl Panties and asks him why he wants to answer her phone. He sort-of apologizes and says he thought it was odd that she didn't want to answer. She asks if he's doubting her. He says that wasn't how he meant it, but he doesn't flash the Chiclets at her either.

Frustrated, Omar hangs up. And then redials. Lety answers this time. "Aurora?" Omar asks hopefully. "Wrong number," Lety says and hangs up. She makes a "satisfied?" face at Aldo. His face says no. She turns off her phone and says they won't be bothered again. His face is still stone.

Omar mutters to himself that it was certainly not a wrong number. He tries again and gets the out-of-service message. This is clearly a first-in-a-lifetime experience for him.

Aldo accuses Lety of being nervous. She accuses him of being jealous. He doesn't deny it - he says she's being weird. She asks him to trust her. (Their beautiful future is off to a great start!) They leave for lunch.

"A person can die of sadness"*

(*Said by Fernando, many many months ago.)

Ana-Leticia is crying in Marcia's office like there's no tomorrow. Ariel waves at her and says to Marcia, "Look at her. Do you like this? Do you like watching her cry like this?" Marcia pleads with her sister to understand. "I don't understand and I don't want to understand!" A-L wails. Marcia explains for the nth time that Fern is just trying to end the crisis ASAP so they can get back to how things were before.

A-L calms down just long enough to ask Ariel to confirm this. He says yep, things should be back to normal by 2020 or so. A-L starts wailing again. Marcia points out that Ariel's the one who made her cry this time. Marcia says the sacrifice is to save their future. A-L says that all she cares about is right now. Marcia tries to talk some sense into her, but Ariel yells "no, no, no" like a little kid. He invites A-L to leave with him. She says she needs to stay there and cry for a couple more hours. Ariel grabs his seemingly empty briefcase and leaves his sisters alone to bond over teardrops. But wait - A-L's face is bone dry!

The New PG*

(*Where the hell is Psychic Guy, anyway? We need him!)

The Photographer Guy (New PG) visits Omar in his office and shows him a very blurry photo. Omar asks who it is. NPG's mother? His sister? No, NPG says it's the Mujer Misteriosa - the picture he took last night.

"I thought you were a professional," Omar says. He complains about the quality. The NPG asks Omar what he wants - speed or quality. The woman never stops moving. Omar has a brilliant suggestion - NPG needs to be more efficient. NPG says Omar sounds just like his boss. He has somewhere else to go, so he takes the blurry photo, laughs at Omar (not sure what that's about), laughs at Fern who's on his way in, and leaves.

Fern thanks Omar for supporting him. Omar says he's doing it for Aurora. He says she's changed his life. Fern says that if she has that much power over him, she must be very interesting - maybe he should get to know her. Omar says "Over my dead body." (Sure, Omar, and if you only knew where to put your dead body to keep that from happening, you'd be making progress!)

Meanwhile, NPG goes to visit Manuel, the image consultant, who is wearing a purple gingham shirt under his pinstriped jacket. Honest. I'm not making this up. I don't have that good of a sense of humor. Or fashion, apparently, because it looks surprisingly good on him. NPG gives Manuel a cockamamie* story about how he's doing a piece on retro fashions and he heard that Manuel's an expert. Manuel, the sucker, says that in fact, he's been working on that with a woman, outfitting her in the cinematic styles of yesteryear. NPG excitedly says that's perfect - Manuel can hook him up with her! Manuel's expression is inscrutable. Will he take this guy up on his offer? Or throw him out on his ear?

(*I like that word and I'm not going to stop using it!)

And what do Stephen King's groupies look like?

Aldo and Lety are chatting in the park when four young women approach. They ask if he's Aldo DomensaEEN. They read his book and they looooooooved it. Finally, the Chiclets are unleashed! He asks if they're studying gastronomy, hospitality, etc. They say they're studying hospitality, and ask for his autograph. Lety makes all kinds of weird faces as he obliges. I can't fault her for this, because I was making the same exact faces. They squeal amongst themselves about his nice smile while he produces the Mexican equivalent of a John Hancock.

After the groupies leave, Lety mimics their happy chatter and jokingly asks Aldo for his autograph. He jokingly tells her to contact his agent and make an appointment. He asks if she's jealous. "Look, the donkey's talking about ears," Lety replies. (This exchange is much more playful than I'm probably making it sound.) He admits that he was jealous before, and asks for kisses. Blech. Now I'm thinking a LFMB drinking game with drain cleaner isn't such a bad idea. (The credit for this revolution in home entertainment should go to commentor Marie from Mass.)

They go for a walk and rehash some old thoughts about Conceptos. They still need to make some money, and Lety says it'd be nice if they got another project on the same scale as the gastronomical tourism thingy. He agrees. At that moment, a phone rings, and Aldo reaches into his pocket. This is amazing to me, because all the ringtones on this show lately have been exactly alike - unbelievably loud and shrill, so how can they tell whose phone is whose? It doesn't matter - that question is trivial compared to the enormous coincidence of the phone call itself.

"It's the girls with the autographs!" Aldo jokes. Actually, it's his publisher. Fortunately, it's within walking distance, as is everything else in Mexico City.* They start walking - joking that maybe they'll run into the autograph girls on the way.

*Mexico City is a mere 571 square miles according to Wikipedia (that's just the Distrito Federal, not the greater metro area). This means that everything is within walking distance no matter where you are... if you've got great feet and aren't in too much of a hurry. And don't get hit by a truck.

(To put this in some perspective, NYC is 469 square miles, and my homely home city is just 24.)

In the Vortex

Alicia is looking in a mirror so she can see what it looks like when she grimaces and scratches herself. For some reason, this sight leaves Tomas impactado. Yeah, it's definitely love. Or an outdated eyewear prescription. (You make the call!) With a melting heart, he watches her rub her nose with the back of her hand.

Ana-Leticia comes out of Marcia's office, still wailing loudly, but in a very dry and tidy fashion. Alicia glances at her and resumes her scratching, smiling in the mirror as she takes a toy dressmaker's doll off her desk so she can scratch her back too. A-L gets impatient and grabs Tomas so he can hear her better. He holds her stiffly and pats her shoulders awkwardly and reluctantly offers to let her talk, if she needs someone to talk to.

Alicia shifts her mirror to watch the spectacle unfolding behind her. A-L is hanging all over her Tomy and asking if he's got time to hear about her thousand problems. Tomas says he only has time for two, but he'll listen to those. Alicia's jaw drops in disbelief as Tomy asks A-L out to lunch. She says she can't eat, because she has no money. (Alicia makes an indescribable face, but if anyone wants to take a crack at it, go ahead. A crack at describing it, I mean. It's not nice to take a crack at someone's face, no matter how much you'd like to.) Tomas offers to pay. A-L agrees to this and suggests shopping afterwards! "Desgraciado," Alicia hisses. The cuartel hiss amongst themselves too, intrigued.

Alicia happily tattles to Marcia. Marcia says "Ha, you're jealous!" Alicia claims that the only reason she's annoyed is because she's hungry. Smiling, Marcia invites her to lunch... but Alicia scolds Marcia for leaving her homeless, and says she can be awful sometimes. "Okay, if you're going to complain, never mind," Marcia says, and heads for the elevator. Alicia changes her tune and says she won't complain... until after dessert. And away they go.

Lowly clerical worker seeks affordable dwelling

Fernando is looking at apartment ads in the newspaper. "One bedroom... good neighborhood... cheap." There isn't even the faintest twinge of self-pity in his voice. Say what you like about Fernando, but this is not the spoiled twit they introduced to us a year ago. Omar comes in to ask how it's going. Fernando says he's enlisted a real estate agent to sell his house, and hopefully it will sell fast, and he's looking for a rental.

Omar asks why he's only looking at 1BR places. Won't that be a little crowded for them? Fern says he isn't planning on living with Omar. Omar tries to change his mind - it'd be like old times, helping each other out with woman problems, etc.* "And we could share expenses," Fern adds mischievously. Omar says he never thought he'd have to share women, much less one like Aurora. Fern notes that Omar's making a fool of himself. Omar says that Fern would too, if he knew her, but he's not her type. Fern says he's not interested.

Wow, that was a totally pointless scene. Wish I'd known that before I started looking words up.

Omar leaves, and Fern looks at Aurora's picture in the newspaper. He's still skeptical of her charms, but admits after hearing so much about her, he's curious.

*There's this regional bowling show I watch on Saturdays. Last week, one of the commentators remarked that a bowler - a man - had been having "female problems" the last time he was on. I gaped at this for a little while until I realized the commentator meant "girlfriend problems." Where I come from (same place as them, I thought), "female problems" usually means one's uterus or ovaries are acting up.

The Smell of Money; and, I accidentally stumble upon an awesome Japanese hit song

Aldo and Lety go to the book place. The book guy says the book is selling well, and gives Aldo his first royalty check. They don't say how much it's for, but it's enough to surprise Aldo and get another hug out of Lety. Lety gives a dull analysis as to its popularity (his writing is creative and wise, plus the title "Flavor of Life" is so attractive). (Try this one if you prefer anime video and French titles.) (Or the original pop version, but I don't like it as much.) (Never heard of this song before tonight. Now I want to have it implanted in a chip in my brain.)

The book guy says they want to do a whole series of "Flavor of Life" books. "It's all thanks to you, Leticia," Aldo says. "I didn't do anything," Lety replies. The book guy says he should have known that there was love behind it. He wants to launch the book series ASAP. Okay, dude, we get it because you said it twice in ten seconds. I think he's in a hurry. In fact, he wants Aldo to write another book. (I get this funny feeling that he means right now and he's going to chain Aldo to a typewriter in his basement if he doesn't hop-to.)

Aldo's lucky he isn't being sued.

Le Noir for Las Dingbats

Still scratching, Alicia asks Marcia how she can be so crazy as to sell everything she owns. Marcia says she'll just have to live modestly for a short while. (Newsflash, Marcia: you're not going to be able to afford to eat lunch at Le Noir much longer, either.) This concept doesn't mean anything to Alicia, nor does Marcia's explanation that sacrifices are sometimes needed for long-term success. "You'll regret it," Marcia's fleabitten friend predicts. "I'm telling you. If you don't have, you don't exist." She takes a long sip of swanky Le Noir water. She adds that an intelligent philosopher once said, "I have, and later I exist."

Marcia repeats what she's already said a million times, it'll take a while to build it all back up. Alicia thinks Marcia's being self-destructive. Boy, if ever someone on this show needed a fortune cookie... but I don't think Le Noir serves those. Or if they did, they'd be like ten bucks apiece.

Alicia throws herself at Marcia's feet (in the restaurant) and loudly begs her not to let herself become poor. Marcia blinks multiple times and bears Alicia's behavior in the best possible humor.

Marcia is still complaining about Alicia's embarrassing behavior when they get back from lunch. "Don't say I didn't warn you," Alicia says. Marcia says that Alicia is a little crazier every day.

Sara asks Alicia whether the things she's scratching are fleas or bedbugs. The rest of the cuartel laughs. Tomas and Ana-Leticia come back from lunch; A-L's mood is greatly improved. Tomas calls her "Ani-Lety" and says he can take her to lots more places like that. Tomas sees Alicia glaring at him and is momentarily deflated. Then he offers to talk to "Ani-Lety" in his office. The cuartel hisses at Alicia, and Martha teases her that she wishes she could listen in on that. "I'm not gossipy like you," Alicia says. "I'm going to see Marcia." She goes in that direction, then sneaks towards Tomas's office when the cuartel is distracted with something else.

Ani-Lety is wailing again in Tomas's office. Tomy tries to cheer her up with some inane chatter, and it seems to work for a few seconds, then she gets depressed again, thinking she's going to be homeless. Listening at the door, Alicia overhears him say that he recently got an apartment that she can use. Ani-Lety does another happy-sad.

Trouble brewing

After lunch, Lety works alone in her office. Where's Aldo? Uh-oh, maybe the book guy really did lock him up in the basement! Omar calls. Lety answers with her Aurora voice. He calls her the most priceless woman in the universe, blah blah blah. She says "you're the same as always." He protests that he hasn't yet had a chance to show her how much he likes her. "Please, Aurora, I love you." Lety warns him not to use those words so lightly. (Fernando comes into Omar's office, whistling loudly... I think I just figured out how Lety's secret is going to be revealed, because something similar happened on General Hospital today.) Omar complains that she's treating him as if she's punishing him. He says that with her, he's paying for all of his sins. Lety says he's making her feel bad, so to prove that she's not so mean, she'll meet with him tonight.

She calls Manuel and says he's her fairy godfather. She tells him she needs to look better than ever, to seduce all those men.

Fernando is in the bat-cave, listening at the door, not really sure what he's listening to other than Lety's goofy laughter. "Reporter? No, no, then I can't go to your studio. Yeah, I've got a date. Okay, I'll wait for you here."

Male bonding

Aldo's at his restaurant job, discussing the menu with his boss, saying he knows that here in the city people mostly like red meats, but he'd like to add shellfish and other seafood. The boss is okay with that - in fact, he's pleased. The boss's phone rings (I take back what I said about all phones on this show ringing the same - this one goes tweet-tweet instead). Someone's waiting for Aldo. Aldo is gratuitously impactado.

It's his dad. "I heard it, but I couldn't believe it. That you're working in a restaurant that isn't yours." Yes, shocking, some people live their whole lives that way. You know what, if something bad were to happen to Humbo, like if he got run over by a truck on his way to the golf course, I think Bozo and Fausto would make a good couple. Aldo asserts that while the restaurant isn't his, the menu is. Fausto scolds Aldo for not asking him for the money instead - he wants to share.

Aldo changes the subject and invites his father to congratulate him. Not for the menu, but for Lety - she's his novia now. Fausto cries tears of joy. (Where'd I put that drain cleaner?) He tells Aldo to hurry up - and get married, have kids, give Fausto cute grandchildren. Aldo promises to give him incredible grandchildren. They hug and cry.

The M. L. S. of D. has been quiet lately... maybe a little too quiet...

Fern is in Lety's office, talking about business... but Lety notes that he's talking very fast. He tells her that she's smiling more every day, and he's glad to see her so happy, because she's very happy, right? She says "Yes, thank you very much for asking." She's even happier to find that someone has paid an outstanding bill. Fern says he just spoke to Ricky Armstrong, and guess what? Guess what? Guess what? He's going to make his final payment to them too! Lety thanks Fern for his work.

PM shows a man into the room and announces that he's brought that dress she wanted. Fern wants to know what's up with the dress - is it a disguise or something? Lety laughs and says sure, it's a disguise for a femme fatale. Fern says he and Omar are going to visit Klaus (I can't remember which gig that was - I think it was the Sportwind/FIFA thing?) and won't be back till tomorrow. He gets up and pokes PM on the arm playfully. "Femme fatale," he laughs and leaves.

PM asks Lety's permission for the cuartel to leave a bit early. Lety asks if it's to harass that damn mystery woman. PM smiles hopefully.

Alone at last, Lety peeks into the box and gloats. "I'm going to be ready for our date, Mr. Carvajal."

Silly

Fern and Omar prepare for their visit to Klaus. Omar admits that he's very nervous about his date with Aurora. Already Aurorified in a white dress, Lety peeks out of her office and sees them talking. Fern is telling Omar that Lety is the prettiest woman. Omar scoffs. Fern is trying to find his keys. Omar complains that Fern is always screwing up and then they have to solve his problems. Fern says he doesn't care how Omar gets home, but the keys are in his office.

Lety wonders how the next couple of minutes can play out without her getting caught. She hides behind the door as Fern and Omar come into the presidencia. Fern wants to know why Omar is following him. Omar is worried that maybe the keys aren't in Fern's office, but he goes back to the Vortex to wait.

While Fern looks for his keys in the batcave, Lety looks into the Vortex, where Omar is pacing nervously, worrying that he'll be late. Lety slips into the boardroom and prays not to get caught. Next, the two men decide to search Omar's office. Lety rushes off to the elevators and waits - she can't easily climb stairs in those shoes. She hears Fern's voice and hides again, this time in Aldo's office. Next, they want to check out Luigi's area... she prays some more. Fern remembers visiting in Aldo's office. Fern opens the door - she is standing right there. But something on the floor in the hallway has caught Omar's eye - it's the keys! They leave. "That was close!" Lety sighs.

Fern and Omar are surprised at how quickly the elevator arrived. Lety comes out of hiding, and now she has to wait.

Warming Up

The cuartel are hanging out at Martha's place. It's her turn for tonight's Aurora-Watch. They are preparing for the evening's events. Sara is talking about hitting someone in "strategic locations." Irma gently reminds them that the poor guy's a reporter, not a thief, but Sara says you never know when a bad guy could show up.

Martha advises her husband that it's time to go to Lety's house.

That's what friends are for

Apparently, Alicia has managed to wheedle another invite out of Marcia. She's fuming about Tomas's kindness to Ana-Leticia. Marcia's not extremely supportive, but I have to admit that this is the most sensitivity I've ever seen her show Alicia: she explains that people have their limits, and Alicia never gave Tomas any hope, so she can't blame him for looking for someone new. Suspiciously, she asks if Alicia feels something for Tomas. Alicia denies it. She changes her answer: Yes. She feels something. Something like rage. Because he's given "her" apartment to Marcia's sister!

Alicia says she's tired, and makes for Marcia's bedroom. Marcia turns her away and says no, she's not going to lose another night's sleep over Alicia's snoring. Alicia tells her to understand that she, too, could be without an apartment at any moment, and let Alicia enjoy her last few days in this bed which Marcia has enjoyed so much already. Marcia herds Alicia towards the door and urges her to seek Tomas's help - he's her last hope.

More filler

The boys have arrived at Omar's apartment. (I had thought they had a meeting with Klaus, but it appears not.) They discuss Aurora vs. Lety again while Fern juggles some decorative balls. Omar swears that for the first time ever, he's truly in love. Fern scoffs. Omar excuses himself and says he has to get ready for his date, because Aurora's waiting.

Omar's phone rings. Fern answers. "Aurora" says she didn't recognize his voice. Fern disguises his voice further, and Aurora tells "Omar" she'll be a little bit late. She's preparing a surprise! Fern hangs up and complains that women these days are much too easy. Not like his educated, refined Lety.

Omar continues to get ready for his hot date with doom. Fern laughingly says he just spoke with Aurora. Omar calls him an ass and accuses him of talkin' trash about him to Aurora. Fern laughs some more and makes him beg. Desperate, Omar begs. Fern says Aurora promised him a surprise. For a moment, Omar assumes this means he's going to bed. Then he slaps his own face and says that's a bad habit. No, instead he hopes that this will be the day that she says she's in love with him! "Today's the day!" Omar enthuses. Fern laughs some more.

Love is wasted on lovers

Later, at Lola's house, Saimon tries to give PM a gift. She tries to bicker about past offenses. He gets gets on her knees and begs her to accept the gift. She seems tempted, but says she can't forgive someone who's doubted and accused her. He begs more strenuously. She says she won't forgive him, but she takes the box and peeks inside. He dances hopefully and takes the gift away from her. Then he pushes it back at her. She tries to get him to talk to the hand, but he kisses it instead. She takes her hand away. He whines, and she points to the door. He slinks away with his tail between his legs.

PM wonders what the gift was.

The oranges

Aldo and his dad are eating at the restaurant, which is called Los Naranjos. Fausto says the story sounds like a movie. Aldo talks about how swell it is and they discuss how lucky he is. Fausto asks if Aldo's given up on the idea of owning a restaurant by the ocean. Aldo says no, the sea will always call to him, but right now he's building his relationship with Lety. Fausto tells Aldo to talk it over with Lety. Zzzzzzzzzzz. My question is, where are the oranges? I was told there'd be oranges.

Extreeeeeeeme close-up!

Aurora is on the phone with someone, arranging the unnamed surprise. She says it has to be perfect - she doesn't want her amigo to ever forget it.



Next week
Aurora tells Omar to prepare for his punishment. Unfortunately, Omar's not there to hear her!

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