Mentir Para Vivir #74 Tue 1/21/14 You've Been Boinking the Biggest Skank in Town and You Didn't Even Catch a Computer Virus From Her?

Santa Dominga:  Oriana hears the door creek open and quickly turns off the bedside lamp.  Her head hits the pillow and she pretends to be comatose.  It seems that Jose Luis has been drinking tequila, slurping oysters and listening to Barry White songs all evening.  He is now in the mood for a night of love.  He’s knows that she’s not sleeping; he saw the light go out and he will not be swayed.  Suddenly, the falcon swoops!  Somehow, Oriana finds the strength to fight him off.  Confused, he mentally reviews the effectiveness of his mating technique.  He’s got a Richard.  Check.  He’s aroused.  Check.  Why isn’t she?  It’s a mystery.  He smells his armpits.  It must be his deodorant.  He’s irresistible; he’s certain of it.  Next, he resorts to begging.  I’m horny and little Jose Luis needs your help, he says.  He shoots puppy dog eyes at her.  Oriana springs from the bed and pulls a white silk robe over her Victoria Secret lingerie that scarcely covers her heaving pale bosoms.  She says that she's getting the heck out of Dodge City and heading back to her grandmother’s house.  The fox springs up and drags her back to the bed to be ravaged! Just when looks like he is about to take her by force, he stops when she declares that she will hate him forever!  Her words immediately deflate little Jose Luis, ummmm his ego.  After dismounting from her, he goes to her purse, removes her identification and leaves.  Shaken and crying, she lies sprawled in bed.  A little while later, he returns in a sarcastic mood.  He's looking for his medication.  Oriana, is still lounging in bed wearing man tempting Victoria Secret wings.  He finds it and leaves her alone for the night. 

Casa de Homero:  Homero tells Ricky that Oriana might have to work undercover (little does he know how correct he is) for several months or several years.  The phone rings.  Mike tells Homero that the love birds are in Santo Domingo visiting Joaquin, but they will be returning home tomorrow.  Nothing incriminating was found in the safe.  Homero tells Ricky about a video tape that Jose Luis made as life insurance against Joaquin.  Ricky is thrilled!  If they find that DVD, then Oriana is off the hook, right?  Homero says no, Oriana is working for the Feds and she has to produce some sort of evidence against the mob.  Otherwise, she will lose her immunity against prosecution.  Homero thinks that Raquel might have the DVD or it might be hidden in a bank safe deposit box or somewhere in Rhodalina’s bedroom. 

Child Psychiatrist Office:  The next morning, Ricky visits the school shrink seeking help for Jose Luis’ bad seed.  To mark the occasion, he has decided to wear a purple ascot that closely matches the Hello Kitty/Barbie Townhouse décor of the office.  The doctor says that it’s too soon for her to have a valid opinion of Rhodalina’s diagnosis.  She has recently become aware from her brother, Tito’s vet, that Ricky is the richest man in town.  She would like to treat Rhodalina in her private practice and plans to take full financial advantage of the Breton financial status and has already contacted a realtor to scout out some prime properties for her summer home.  Rhodalina will require hours and hours of sessions at the maximum rate allowable by the court.  Anyways, from what the doctor can tell, Rhodalina is a brilliant little girl.  Ricky wants to know if Rhodalina has been sad and nervous at school.  The doctor says Rhodalina’s reactions seem normal, but she will definitely require more lucrative sessions.  Yes, she takes Black AMEX.

Back in Santo Domingo, Oriana has been awake all night vigilantly guarding her virtue.  For some odd reason, she has failed to change out of her Frederick’s of Hollywood silk robe.  Oriana is still sitting in bed looking quite fetching when her horny husband enters the room carrying his brief case and planner.  Jose Luis apologizes for his distasteful behavior.  She runs into the bathroom and turns on the shower.  This makes sense because it’s always wise for a terrified victim to run into a room with one door and remove her clothes when there’s a horny rapist outside.  Jose Luis puts down his brief case and planner and limps over to the bathroom door.  He stands outside and assures her that he has taken all of his medication.  When he doesn’t get a response from her; he leaves.  She appears again, still wearing her Victoria Secret Angels costume (she only was pretending to take a shower) and rifles through the planner that he had placed on the dresser.  The bedroom door opens.  She throws the planner back down on the bed and runs back into the bathroom.  Jose Luis doesn’t remember that he had put the planner down on the dresser.  He yells at her not to take too long.  They are waiting. 

Fabiola comes bouncing down the stairs and jumps into Piero’s waiting arms.  He swings her around in a circle like they are actors in a telenovela or something.  Her baby will be fine.

Lucina and Ricky are gossiping about Raquel like two old bitties.  Yes, Lucina tells him.  It’s true that Raquel is Jose Luis’ lover.  She doesn’t care that he’s in the mob.  He gives her cash, cars, jewelry and rents an awesome apartment for her.  Jose Luis is a good sugar daddy to her, unlike another cheap, ascot-wearin’, metrosexual millionaire pretty-boy that she boinked a couple of months ago…ahem.  Lucina doesn’t mention any names or anything, but he gets the point.  Ricky brings up the identity theft thing.  There might be a way for all of them to save themselves.  He wants to know if Raquel has the DVD.  Lucina doesn’t think so.  If Raquel has the DVD, she’s already watched it and will use it as leverage to get more of what she wants from Jose Luis.

Ruben and Cesar are meeting for drinks at an outdoor café.  Ruben looks worried and comes right to the point.  He asks Cesar if he had sex with Raquel.  Yes, several times and she makes me feel so dirty!  Ruben informs Cesar that Raquel also had sex with Sabastian.  Ruben advises Cesar to get himself to get tested for everything including the common cold virus right away!  Cesar thinks that God is punishing him for having sex with Raquel when he was thinking of being a priest.  Raquel is the only woman that Cesar has ever boinked.  Ruben thinks that God is punishing him for mooching off of Paloma and neglecting his children.  They comfort one another.    Ruben tells Cesar that he loves him and promises not to tell Matilde that about this.  

The Falcons have arrived home.  Oriana is ignoring her husband.  He apologizes again and she says that she wants to see her grandmother ‘cuz she’s dying of cabin fever.  Jose Luis wants her on lock down.  He’s afraid that she will see Pretty Ricky.  Yeah, you’re damn skippy that I will see him.  He’s got my kid!  Jose Luis asks for Fedelia’s phone number so that he can call his daughter.  Marilu answers the phone and gives it to Fedelia.  When Rhodalina hears that her father is on the phone, she freaks out and both she and Tito run screaming out of the room.  Jose Luis is certain that they have poisoned Rhodalina against him.  She can’t still be mad about him punting her pooch.  Fedelia tells him that she is not going to make the girl talk to him if she doesn’t want to do so.  She tells him to call the judge if he has any other questions.  Oriana tells Jose Luis to try to see things from Rhodalina’s point of view.  She’s a six year old who has lost everything and Tito is her anchor and Jose Luis is her monster.

Paloma tells Matilde that she will kick her out if she keeps picking on Fabs.  Fabiola and Piero return.  Fabiola shares her news about the baby!  Matilde asks Fabs when she’s getting married.  Paloma immediately instructs Nadia to pack Matilde’s bags and tell Jorge to drop her off where she wants to go. 

Aresti Breton:  Ricky is working! Yes, I’m talking about Pretty Ricky!  Yes, the guy with the ascots!  He’s in the Aresti-Breton building and he’s just sat down at his desk.  Piero enters Ricky’s office and they discuss the Cotton Pickin’ Union and Cotton Pickin' Weavers.  They also need to hire a new bookkeeper; the new one that they hired doesn’t know the ropes yet.  After working all of thirty seconds, Ricky rushes home.   Marilu calls to inform him that Rhodalina’s father messed up her equilibrium.  Trust fund baby steps people!  Remember, trust fund baby steps!  We can’t expect much from him.  When he enters Rhodalina’s bedroom, she jumps into his arms.  She afraid that her father will kidnap her just like the villain kidnapped the little girl in Paloma’s fairy tale.  She wants him to punch her daddy in the nose.  He assures her that there are a lot of people there to protect her.  After she calms down, Fedelia and Ricky go into the living room.  Fedelia wants to know why Ricky just can’t be happy boinking Marilu.  She’s pretty, she’s young, she’s fertile and she’d be more than willing to mate with him and bear his children.  Why is he attracted to toxic relationships with high-maintenance women?  First he brought home a nut job, epileptic nympho with a child that wasn’t his and now he’s brought home a mob wife with a bi-polar psycho for a husband with a child that isn’t his.  Marilu is a normal non-delinquent who loves him…why not her?  Ricky says that he’s sticking with Oriana.  Fedelia wants to know what Ricky will do if Oriana chooses Jose Luis?

Oriana tells Jose Luis that she is going to visit her grandmother.  Jose Luis says, hell no.  Mike offers to escort her there and promises not to stop the car if he sees Ricky’s car there.   Mike also says that he will not let Ricky on the property if he should come over while she’s there.  Jose Luis agrees.  She thanks Mike for his help.  Mike tells her that he has been undercover for 4 years and he hasn’t learned anything about the Caribbean Investment Company. 

Casa Bonita:  Raquel looks at her pee stick and freaks.  She is sooooooo knocked up!  Who’s the daddy?  Sebastian?  No, too long ago.  Cesar?  Could be!  Jose Luis?  Also a possibility.  She prays to God that it’s Jose Luis.

Casa de Falcon:  Jose Luis places his planner in the safe and locks it.  Antonio and Jose Luis discuss criminal enterprise business over drinks.  They will withdraw their money from Trejo Bonfill in the morning and give the employees a severance package.  Antonio says it will be difficult because Don Alfredo has to sign the check.  Jose Luis tells Antonio to get the don drunk and then make him sign the check.  Jose Luis asks about Sabastian.  Antonio says that no one has seen or heard from him ever since he was shanked.  Jose Luis wants to know if anyone else knows the true nature of their business.  Antonio says Sebastian and another name.  Raquel calls Jose Luis and tells him that she’s got great news.  She wants to meet with him today!  He says that he’s busy, but agrees after she throws a hormonal hissy fit.  Jose Luis hangs up and tells Antonio to seduce Raquel and get her out of his hair.

Aresti Courtyard:  Leonardo has come to flirt with Fabiola and invite her to his art show.  Fabiola tells him that she’s got AIDS.  He says that he already knows because the doctor told Piero, Piero told Ricky, Ricky told EVERYONE else and his grandfather told him.  Leonardo gallantly kisses her hand.  She tells him that she doesn’t deserve a boyfriend and asks him to forget about her.  He tries to get a smoochie poo, but she turns her head.  Outside, Oriana tells Mike to keep his mouth shut about what he sees at Paloma’s house.  He keeps watch as she goes in.  Fabiola is thrilled to see Oriana and shares the news that her baby, the spawn of Sabastian, will not be affected by the HIV virus.  Leonardo gives Oriana an invitation to his art show.  Oriana asks Leonardo to tell Homero that she needs to meet with him.  Leonardo leaves. 

The two women go inside to see Paloma; Matilde has barricaded herself in her bedroom.  Fabiola asks Paloma to allow her mother to stay.  After Fabs leaves, Oriana tells Paloma that Jose Luis was in the mood for love last night and tried to take it.  Paloma thinks that eventually, he will.  Oriana tells Paloma not to tell Ricky that Jose Luis dared to try to have sex with his wife while she was lying in bed she wearing a Victoria Secret Angel costume.  Paloma agrees.  Their conversation is interrupted by Nadia who has come to announce a visit from Ricky.  Ricky greets his honey bunny with a tearful kiss and a big hug.  Paloma gives the two some privacy.  Leaving Little Ricky alone in a room with Oriana and a bed may not be the best idea.  Ricky is very experienced and efficient lover who can get a lot accomplished with minimal amount of effort.  Uh Oh, the sexy time music is starting!  Here comes the slurping sounds.  He should have her stripped naked and sexually violated with a quickness!  Help me!

Oh my gosh, it’s a Christmas miracle!  No, it’s my birthday!  They’re not going to have sex!  In the next scene, with Ricky sitting quietly next to her, Oriana calls Homero and lets him know that she’s back in town.  She tells him that she’s tired and would like to meet with him.  Homero tells her to hang in there.  Ricky asks to speak with him.  He tells Homero that they can meet at the church.  After hanging up with Homero, Oriana tells Ricky that she wants to see Rhodalina.  Ricky tells her that Rhodalina was traumatized after Jose Luis called her.  Oriana knows about the call because she was standing next to him when he called.  Ricky is going to ask the judge to restrain Jose Luis from contacting or seeing Rhodalina.  Oriana thinks that Jose Luis will freak.  Ricky asks when they will see each other again.  She doesn’t know.  She gives him a hug. 

Ricky is visiting Mariano at the school/church/whatever.  He asks him for a favor. 

Casa de Falcon:  Oriana has returned home to find Jose Luis enjoying cocktail hour all alone.  She tells him that he needs to go to AA because his kid is afraid of him.  He grabs her and accuses her of seeing his arch enemy, Pretty Ricky!  Oriana tells him that she will admit to everything and he will go to jail.  Jose Luis doesn’t care as long as it will prevent her from seeing Pretty Ricky.  Oriana storms off.  Jose Luis calls Mike and the Matias, the butler.  Mike will drive him around today and Matias’ job is to forcibly prevent Oriana from leaving the house. 

Judges Office:  Ricky visits the judge and snitches that Jose Luis’ phone call freaked Rhodalina out.  He wants the judge to block Jose Luis from seeing his kid.  The judge agrees, but says that Jose Luis can appeal. 

Hospital Lobby:  Cesar has received his test results in record time!  He’s has not been exposed to HIV.  The father and son embrace and praise God!  Ruben wants to know how Cesar avoided catching AIDS or even a youtube viral video after being with a skank like Raquel.  It’s another Christmas miracle, says Cesar!  Another possibility is that Raquel is not infected. 

Casa de Raquel:  Jose Luis has stopped by to visit the deceased cesspool.  He tells her that they are pulling out of the Cheap Woven Blankets that Are Sold to Stupid American Tourists Business (I'm not bitter) and getting into luxury real estate.  He tells Raquel to sell her share of the Casa Bonita Brothel.  She is the new President of the his real estate company.  She tells him that she is soooo knocked up and he’s father of Raquelmary’s baby!  He looks shocked. 

Tune in for tomorrow Paquita’s epic episode!  It’s the clash of the bad seeds!  Raquelmary’s Baby meets the Spawn of Sebastian meets Rhoda Penmark!