Thursday, May 24, 2012

Abismo de pasión #53 5/24/12: Old sage meets new age, believe in the Love Candle


Alternate title: Ramona fesses up, but does anyone care?

Since I won’t be home until late tonight I did the recap from watching online. The sound kept going in and out so sometimes I was guessing and sometimes I just didn’t have a clue what they were saying. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.





Oh crap, I forgot we ended the last episode on such a bummer. Glum Padre helps Gael out with his box and bag, then Paloma run up with her sad eyes, “You were leaving without saying goodbye to me?” “Don’t take it personally,” he says. (AAARGH! Men!) He says he wasn’t going to tell anyone. (Oh, well that makes it OK then...not!) He needs some distance from the Elisa and Damian thing. Basically, she begs him not to leave because she loves him. He looks momentarily confused, says he wishes he felt the same way about her, it would make things so much easier, pero los sentimientos no se manda (can’t command your feelings). Adios Paloma. Wow, these two have great chemistry. A little air boxing between Gael and Padre (sniff sniff, how cute), a teary-eyed Paloma, and off he goes in Lucio’s spiffy truck, leaving Padre and Paloma crying on the sidewalk.



Over at Casa Castigo, Lolita is scolding the lit love candle, saying Elisa is right, no way could it work,  when suddenly Braulio sneaks in and scares the bejesús out of her. He came over with Dam and noticed the service door was open so he came in to say hi. Lolita gently snarls that Dam had better not give Elisa a hard time. On the contrary, says Brau, Dam’s come to make up, and he hopes Lolita will work with him to get those crazy kids back together. By the way, how’s it going with Horacio? Fine, she says, we’re going out tomorrow. How about Antonia? OK like always, Brau shrugs, but he’s having a hard time with Vicente. He turns to leave but can’t resist turning back to gaze longingly at her, “It was really good to see you again. Truly.” Oh he’s still got it so bad for the braided one. Lolita scolds the candle again and decides she’d better not blow it out for Dam and Elisa’s sake. Riiiiight.



Elisa visits her Padrino to tell him she and Dam are kaput, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. And no, she doesn’t want to talk about Gael either. OK, he says, how about talking about her tierras? Nope, she wants to cancel the contract. No way, he says, she already signed. He tells her she can’t mix her personal problems with work, she’s got to learn to rise above her feelings. He grabs her so they can go view her tierras. What are they going to drive? I thought Gael took his truck?



Over at Casa Chisme Enrique packs his bags, he’s heading out to the DF to find Flor. Sabrina’s in a snit, how could he do this when the parental units are having problems? Enrique says he’s got to live his life and she should do the same. Aiiii! Ice pick in ears, it’s BegoneYa and she’s not happy to hear he’s leaving. What will Alfonsina say? If he leaves don’t bother coming back. “Thanks for the 411 Mama. See ya!”



Looks like Paloma is a no-show at work; Doc Tovar is busily seeing patients and answering his own phone. Wouldn’t you know it, the office is always empty but today of all days Paloma is late. Hey, it’s just like real life! He snaps her head off when she comes in, “Look at the time!” She bursts into tears and bursts his anger balloon. “Gael left town and I love him more than my own life,” she sobs. Doc puts his arm around her (No! BegoneYa’s going to walk in!) and gives her a gentle kiss on the head. They’ll talk about it later. Whew, nobody saw.



Lucio and Elisa are at her tierras when Team Damian arrives. Lucio, Brau and Vicente head off to check out the rocks in the field. Damian apologizes for what happened yesterday. He never believed that thing about Paolo and he was just upset to see her kissing Gael. She admonishes him, “Correction, he surprised me with that kiss.”  And how dare Dam be jealous, she and Gael have been best friends for many years and she loves him. She can’t forgive Dam because he always doubts her. He swears he doesn’t and he can prove it. “I want to marry you as soon as possible.” Well dang, that sure shut those heart-shaped lips of hers.



“You’re crazy, she says. “Loco for you,” he insists. He doesn’t want to live one more day without her, anyway it’s the only way to stop the gossip. If they get married his father and her mother will have to accept their relationship. (Really? Where in heck have you been for the past 52 episodes?) He says they won’t tell anyone, they’ll get married, then break the news. It won’t be hiding really, because they’ll invite only those who are on their side. He gets on his knees and she promises to think about it. He’ll be in the church at 8:00 that night. If she doesn’t show he’ll never bother her again. One more big fat kiss as the music crescendos. Oh gosh, they look so happy, but it’s way too early in the TN for these two.



Elisa excitedly tells Lucio that Damian asked her to marry him. Lucio looks like he just swallowed an anvil and we know what’s going on in his head. Could those kids really be half-siblings?



Kenia visits Padre Lupe to tell him she’s Kenia, sister of Gael. She swears that she is trustworthy. Note that the first sentence out of her mouth is a lie, she has no idea where Irritat-Ing is, hopefully she left town. The only thing Kenia knows about Gael’s dad is that he was an important guy who died a long time ago. Padre points out that Irritat-Ing only came back to La Ermita for money, and what about Kenia? For Gael, she says, he is the only family she has. II didn’t abandon her but she was never a good mother, Kenia was always envious of Gael even though he was left on the church steps. Nobody can know the shame of having the worst mother in the world, boo hoo. This chica knows how to turn on the waterworks. “Help me, Padre, to protect Gael from that woman.” Padre tells her that Gael left town. “Without me?” she gasps.



The slick urban tunes and magic letters tell us we are in the Ciudad de Mexico. Flor is shopping, or maybe just looking what with her credit card problems and all, and calling Tio Tightshirt to get the latest chisme on Dam and Elisa. He tells her to forget Dam; he’s a lost cause. “Don’t be so sure,” she perkily warns.



Alfonsina stalks in and asks to whom Paolo was talking. Is he sure it wasn't Carmina Bouvier again? The first time she called it was about Elisa, but why has she been calling since? In short, she believes he’s no longer interested in Elisa and that he and Carmina have something going on, exactly what she’s not sure. “¡Qué Bárbaro! Alfonsina, You have a big imagination. Now permiso.



Elisa wonders why Lucio hasn’t said anything about Dam’s proposal. She wants to know what he thinks. Lucio flashbacks to Toadhead’s nasty words, that he’s sure she is the progeny of Stef and Rosendo. Lucio shakes it off and says he knows she and Dam have a lot of pressures. Marriage is very serious and is not  the way to end their problems. She swears it’s different because they truly love each other. Really. “Well, you asked my opinion and that’s what I think,” he says, “I don’t agree that you and Dam should do this locura.



Ingrid is enjoying a cup of coffee when Pop! goes the Sleazel! Yep, it’s the hobbling harlot with hideous ojos come to wreak havoc on Ingrid’s down time. She wants her necklace, the one her husband spotted in Merida. “Your husband?” asks Ingrid, “Gabino told me that guy’s wife died with Rosendo.” Orangina says yes she died, but her sister was Augusto’s first wife. Ingrid laughs, “Do tell, what kind of customs does this town have, where people marry ex-husbands of their sisters?” “Widowed,” snaps Carmina, as if that makes a difference. And it doesn’t because she demands her necklace back. “Wrong, it was your sister’s, and Gabino says you gave it to him.”  Carmina grins,* (and by grins* I mean bares her white hot fangs behind slightly curled, over-glossed lips), and tells II to give it up, it belongs in the family. “Forget it,” laughs Ingrid, “this necklace, now wait for it, ES MIO!” Orangina closes in and grins*, “You don’t know me, but I promise that you’re going to remember me, y mucho!”



As the hapless harpy hobbles out she sees Kenia drive up. “What in the hell are you doing here?” she demands. Kenia says she was coming to see the woman that she and Don Augusto ran into in front of the bank. She imagines Orangina was there to see her about the necklace, ? Orangina’s pumpkin head nearly splits in two when she hears Augusto was in Merida with Kenia. Kenia’s on a roll, she says as long as Orangina is there could she give something back to Don Augusto? She pulls the belt out of her purse, Augusto left it in her house last night and forgot to take it when he left this morning. For the first time the Naran-Ho is speechless. Then Kenia throws her purse in the front seat of her car and goes into the blue house. Que? Who would leave their purse in the front seat of a car, window open?



Kenia brushes past Irritat-Ing and says she’s come for her things. She’s amazed at how many enemies mom has made in such a short time. Her advice, you got your money, now leave town and never come back!



Augusto visits the cenote hut to accuse Ramona of taking Stef’s jewels. (Dude, really? Have you seen her wearing them around town the past 15 years? Any expensive purchases? She is living in a hovel decorated with dried weeds.)  Predictably, she doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He blathers that when Stef left with Rosendo she took all her jewels, when she was discovered the jewels were gone and Ramona was the first at the scene. “You’re a nut job. I’m no thief.”  He doesn’t care if she has them, he just wants her to admit she took them. She says God knows she doesn’t have them, and she’s kept her mouth shut for many years. Fact is, Stef and Rosendo were returning back to La Ermita, not driving away like everyone thinks. Obtuseto says the key fact is that Stef was with Rosendo, and he stalks out of the hut.


Elisa sits on her bed enjoying her only pic of mom and Blanca. Lolita comes in and is excited to hear that Dam proposed marriage. He wants to keep it a secret for their odious parents. Lolita says matrimony is serious and shouldn’t be rushed into. Sigh, that’s what Elisa’s padrino said too. Lolita says if it’s really what Elisa wants to do she’ll help her. Besides, she can’t wait to see everyone’s reactions. (Hee, our Lolita isn’t quite the angel we like to think she is.)  The only one she’s worried about it Gael, but Elisa says he already left.


Poor Padre wanders around the lonely rectory holding Gael’s baseball gloves. Awww. Lucio comes to visit, he says Padre must feel very alone, empty, he knows how he feels. Padre says it hurts even more than when Fina sent Dam away as a child. Speaking of Dam, Lucio needs to ask Padre something very important. And then the sound went out and I missed the last part.


It’s night, and over at Hacienda Harangue-Oh Fina catches Dam trying to slip out of the house. She wants to talk. Remember when she and dad used to fight about Estefania Bouvier? The only difference is that now she and he are fighting about her daughter. (Lady, do you know how creepy that sounds? Listen to yourself.) Dam sighs, he won’t tolerate her being critical of Elisa. Fina presses on, can’t he remember the sadness they felt when Rosendo abandoned them for Elisa’s mom? Aaaand...here come the waterworks. The botoxed brow tries its hardest to furrow. Dam says she’s got to understand that neither he nor Elisa are at fault for what happened, and the sooner she gets that through her head easier it will be for all of them. Right. Like that’s ever gonna happen.
Gabino (giving us just a split-second ab shot, don’t blink) comes home to the love shack. Ingrid tells him she had a little visit from the Orange Push-up who wanted her sister’s necklace. He grunts and goes all crazy eyes while Irritat-Ing whines what are they going to do, because she doesn’t want that woman setting foot in this house. He’s on board with that. I think he says maybe they’ll return the necklace and get an even better one for Ingrid. Not sure.



The Brown Recluse sits in wait for her cuckolded cohabitant. “Where were you?” she demands. Assgusto says he was at the curandera’s demanding to know what happened to Stef’s jewels. Ramona told him that the night of the accident Stef and Ros were returning, not leaving. Orangina poohs and shrugs, why all of a sudden reveal that fact?  The key point is that Stef was doing it with Disgusto’s best friend Rosendo. So why don’t they stop obsessing about the past and concentrate on the present? She’s got him in her web so she pulls out the belt buckle. “Why don’t you tell me what in the hell you were doing spending the night at Kenia’s? Here is your damned belt!” He tries to explain the circumstances but she shrieks does he think she’s stupid? (A rousing YES! from viewerville.) He tells her ya basta with the tonterías, he’s going to bed. 



Flor is at the awesome DF restaurant with the night fountain view. Enrique joins her and she says she was glad to get his call and to hear he’s in town. He gazes at her all puppy dog eyes. He knows she was really mad at him last time he saw her when Dan caught them kissing under his nose. She says Dam was important to her, they were supposed to get married, but it was a mistake. He tells her she knows how he feels about her. Is there any chance? She thinks that would be difficult and might be too big a sacrifice for him. He insists and lays a big one on her. Props to Enrique for going after what he wants, but I don’t see this going well for him, at least in the short run.

The church is lit and Damian goes inside. He takes a seat and prays. Padre comes in and Dam says he was waiting for Elisa but clearly she’s not going to show. But wait! That familiar and beautiful mariachi music tells us otherwise. Yep, there she is at the back. “Yes, I’ll marry you,” she says. Dam can’t believe it and they kiss while Padre watches, sighing and smiling.


Avances: Later with these. Sometimes the online previews give too much away.But it I have it on good authority that Dam Fine and Elisa get more than one day of ignorant bliss, bless their clueless little hearts.

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El Talismán #82 Thu 5/24/12 The Creeping Boda From the Black Lagoon



“Yes, marriage means commitment. But so does insanity.” (Author Unknown)


El Alcatraz:

Well, we’ve all been expecting the most dysfunctional wedding ever, and the Negretes don’t disappoint. First the two major shareholders square off over which one will get to keep his squeeze at the ranch: the Pig says Camila’s got to go, and Tony says it should be Doris. As usual, they’re all hat and no cows and nothing gets resolved. I think they should just let the girls fight it out.

Angel tries to cozy up to Flor, but after four months of simpering she’s picked today to grow some avocados and marches over to bitch Camila  out. I hate you! You ruined my life! Everything is your fault! (Are we sure she’s not related to Elvira?) Meanwhile Tracy and Alberta wring their hands in the kitchen about Camila sacrificing herself like a Christmas turkey, and the Pig tells the Piglet to keep the fake doctor on ice in case there’s a problem.


Bachelor Orfanato:

Mariana and Pedro continue discussing her unsatisfactory interview with Camila. I know you two love each other, she insists; why aren’t you trying harder to fix this? Well, if she loves me so much, why won’t she confide in me? Mariana doesn’t know. Pedro gripes that nobody knows anything, nobody understands anything, least of all him. (That’s pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?) Suddenly Mariana gets that “I See Dead People” look again – little does she know that this time she really IS seeing dead people, as Lucrazy-in-disguise ducks around the corner of the garage.

Mariana shakes off the specter and changes the subject. Pedro tells her more about her past and what a nice guy her Dad was, and she admits she’s having a hard time remembering to see him as “just a brother.” Finally she takes her leave – or at least tries to. Out by her car she’s ambushed by the Undead One, who tells her to stay away from Pedro, smacks her bloody, and rabbits off in her high heels.

Mariana staggers back to the patio and tells Pedro what just happened. He pronounces himself baffled – the only demented chick he knows is Lucrezia, and she’s dead. Now Mariana thinks she’s starting to lose her mind (again.) Better lock up the baby clothes.


Maison Brigitte:

Doris is going on and on about la estúpida de Camila, and Brigitte points out that ship has sailed and she’d better just concentrate on the Pig. “What if he dumps me?” Doris frets. Brigitte says don’t be silly, he’s crazy for you. Then Doris tells her another woman has appeared on the scene…someone from his past who’s a tiger in bed and a real threat…Elvira! (Brigitte doesn’t seem as surprised at this characterization as I am. Maybe she has a beanie on under her hairdo.)


Back at the 'Traz:

The guests are milling around the sala while Tony menaces Camila out on the porch. Elvira recognizes the fake doc at the hors d’oeuvres table but doesn’t have time for more than a vague threat before they’re called to order for the big, festive paper-signing ceremony thing. Tony dispatches his document with typical surliness, and it’s Camila’s turn. She picks up the pen and…faints dead away. Doctor! Is there a doctor in the house?


Around town:

  • Pedro finds out from Mariana that Manuel’s lost love is Camila’s aunt and says, “The world is a head-scarf.” For realz.
  • Several people make foreshadowing-type remarks about how Manuel & María had better watch out for Elvira, coz she’s trouble.
  • Reny, Rita & the fake doc bicker over small piles of chantaje-change.
  • The Pig muses out loud about how cute Elvira is. (I don't know where he's keeping his beanie, but there must be one.)
  • Lucrazy has a hissy-fit coz she doesn’t have anybody to play with and trashes her cabana.
  • Tracy & Alberta send Valentín to the far, far corner of the property to gather herbs. (Hey, I don’t write this stuff; I just report it.)


Avances:

Camila finally signs the fateful contract, and Antonio tries to collect…in the bedroom.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

El Talismán #81 Wed 5/23/12 Cameela Lies, Cries and Confesses All to Padre

 

What good are many friends, mon ami, when you have one bad enemy? M. Hercule Poirot

Today on El Talisman:

Pedro, Cameela, the Gasbag and Tonio are still talking about Cameela marrying Tonio. Cameela wants to talk to Pedro, alone out in the hall. Pedro and Cameela leave together. The Gasbag is left with Tonio, when, guess what happens? Anyone!!!!! You won't beleive it, but Lucrazy is calling The Beltbuckle on his cell phone. He doesn't answer it and the Gasbag happens to look at the phone and says, wait for it, it is really good, Isn't that Lucrazy? How could it be Lucrazy if she is dead??? HUMMMMM. The Beltbuckle blows the Gasbag off and tells her it isn't Lucrazy they recycle cells phones at Alcatrash to save money. Naw, he really didn't say that, but he wanted to. (Note to the Beltbuckle, really dude, you couldn't have gotten her a burner phone, untraceable to boot, for the one bad enemy you are truly estupido, jus' sayin'). He changes the subject on the Gasbag and warns her if Cameela rats him out to Pedro he will make sure the Gasbag ends up in la carcel (Thanks Blue Lass and Rosemary la Otra). Lucrazy is calling him back again, being very frustrated cause he won't answer the blasted phone, he picks it up and tells The Gasbag it is a call from the ranch. He picks it up and says wadda want GUSTAVO, really dude. Lucrazy tells him to get his asshatedness back to Alcatrash and by the way it is VERY URGENT. He tells her he will get there when he gets there, GUSTAVO. She hangs up and is pithed so badly she throws the cell phone. (Ed note: I just have to say the only actor that can throw a cell phone is Sergio Sendel, he is the master of those, ask the prop people at Uni, jus' sayin'). Tonio is wondering what is taking the indio so long.

Cameela and Pedro are in the hallway of the apartment building and Pedro is begging Cameela, why are you marrying this guy, I know you don't love him, you love me, right, RIGHT! (Note to Cameela, aw come on now, he so knows that dog don't hunt, just fess up already). She keeps insisting she has mysteriously (I added that for effect) fallen for the Beltbuckle and nothin' and noone is changing her mind. Got it? She asks him to forgive her. (Note to Cameela: Are you SERIOUS, come on now. Fess up already would you forgive Pedro if he did this to you? Jus' sayin'). She asks him to vette and leave her in pax. He goes. She cries. After he leaves, she goes back inside and the Beltbuckle wants to know what she said. She tells the Belbuckle she told Pedro what he wanted her to. Cameela tells her *blessed* Mama, er, the Gasbag that it is all your fault. Oh, The Gasbag is laying on the guacamole. Oh, the Beltbuckle lurrrves you. (Note to Cameela, go to El Capitan and fess up already, you don't have to go thru this agony, jus' sayin'). Cameela cries. The Virus to end all Viruses tells Cameela to calm down. The Beltbuckle tries to get close to her, and she reaches up to slap him, but he stays that arm and tells her he is her future (say what? You soooo don't get it dude. She hates your guts jus' sayin'. Sleep with one eye open. You may have no avacadoes when you wake up in the morning. Member I gave you fair warning.). Oh, and the Beltbuckle tells her, now are you ready for this, our wedding night will be sooo wonderful. (Note to Beltbuckle: You sure bout that dude? I thought I heard Cameela talking about Supergluing a part of your anatomy, jus' sayin').

Army and Angel are still at the cafe and Army tells Angel he has found a job. I guess it's not a great job, but Army doesn't care, as long as he gets enough money together, he can go to Canada and be with his amor di mi vida, Fabi.

Tracy, Alberta and Flor are all in the kitchen talking about the upcoming wedding. Flor is really pithed off, she blames Cami for everything including her dear sister's banishment to Canada. (Note to Flor: Canada is beautiful, get a job, save the money and go be there with her, you'll love it). No matter how many times Alberta and Tracy try to tell Flor that Cameela is a wonderful person, she is so not buying it. Doris comes into this little convo as does Valentin. He tells the assembled ladies that the wedding is tomorrow. About this time the Beltbuckle, Prince of Darkness, has come into the room and informs them the wedding is tomorrow, that's right, tomorrow, like don't ever forget it! The Prince of Darkness tells Flor she better be there, and Doris better be gone. She gets in his face and tells him SHE will be the Duena of ESA CASA. Flor, the one with the avacadoes, doncha know, gets in the Prince of Darkness' face. He looks like he is about to slap her, but gently touches her face and reminds her she will RESPECT Cameela. The Prince of Darkness has left, along with the smell of sulpher, and Doris gives her a big ole hug. Doris has left and now Alberta and Tracy are setting up the wedding from hell and Flor is still pithed off at Cameela. Flor says she hates Cameela with every ounce of her being. Tracy tells her that Cameela is a victim, same as Flor. Flor wants to know the chisme on that, but Tracy tells her that is all she needs to know.

Pigorio and Valentin are having a little meeting. Pigorio tells him he saw Mariana, and wait for it, same old, same old, kill her like yesterday. Valentin is so not down with that. Pig tells him he will never have pax until she is dead, punto.

Mariana has come to the hospital to visit Manuel, and interrupts Maria and Manuel. Mariana apologizes, but Manuel tells her it is ok. I think Mariana did an end run around the receptionist, but Manuel said it was ok, if she came in. Manuel has to go somewhere, and Maria stays with Mariana. Mariana thanks Maria for giving Manuel a second chance.

Pedro is all alone, poor fella, and thought bubbles about Cameela being in love with Tonio. (Now Dude you are supposed to be the galan here, didn't all those tears hold a big clue for you?). He just doesn't beleive it.

Tonio has made it back to Alcatrash to the little cabana housing his looney tunes sister, and she is in a dither about Mariana of all people. She is just now realizing that other women, besides HERSELF, mind you, might be interested in her hunk of man. He tells Lulu to callete, don't talk and he is marrying Cameela tomorrow. Yes, he is really doing it. She congrats him and is over the moon, but what about her and PEDRO ES MIO? She tells the Beltbuckle she is sooo in lurrrrve with PEDRO ES MIO. Your getting Cameela, so why can't I get Pedro es Mio? He tells her, your upset (Note to Beltbuckle: Ya think?) Your sooo obessed with Pedro. (Note to both: really you are both obsessed.) She says she will be marrying Pedro es Mio so there! Lulu wants to know what Papa Pig thinks of all this? The Beltbuckle doesn' t care what he thinks. He tells her he told Doris not to give Cameela trouble. The Prince of Darkness has a meet, after leaving the cabana from hell, to meet Dr. Doh-mo (Thanks Rosemary la Otra). Evidently Dr. Doh-mo has fixed the pills and inserted the new poison. The Prince of Darkness can't wait for his Papa Diablo to die a slow suffering death for what he has had to deal with all these years.

Mariana has come back to El Tal and Pedro tells her it is absurd, doncha know, that his Cameela es MIO, is going to marry that asshat Beltbuckle. She has no words. Pedro tells Mariana that Cameela wouldn't tell him a thing, but he is sure the Beltbuckle is holding something over Cameela, ya think! Mariana insists that Cameela does love him. He is sooo confused.

El Virus, Cameela, Army, Angel and Maria are gathered together to mourn the loss of Cameela's brains, and her avacadoes. El Virus is telling Cameela I'm your Mama. (Note to the Virus: I hope you roast for all your evil deeds. The anvil that crashes on you can't be big enough). Cameela cries. Tia Maria and her primo Angel, and her brother Army all tell her not to marry the asshat already., but Cameela is towing the sad, party line and says she just has to, and that will be the end of the subject, cause she is pleading the 5th. (Not really but the same thing). Padre has come to the Virus infected apartmento to see Cameela. She doesn't want to talk, but Padre tells her you have some serious 'splaining to do. She and the Padre go off to have their serious convo, and Army, Angel, and Maria gang up on the Virus and tell her this is all YOUR fault. You are making your poor daughter Cameela suffer over your own misdeeds. The Virus looks like she is getting ready to blow, but doesn't quite get there. Instead we are treated to a *slight marmot screech*. The Virus asks Maria if she is coming to the wedding?. Maria tells her not on your life. It's horrible what you are doing, and you are ruining your daughter's life.

Padre has taken Cameela to a, wait for it, perfect setting by the way, to a church. Yay, Padre, she will have to tell the truth here, or go to the you know! She tells Padre, oh, Padre, please understand I have to marry that Beltbuckle, the Prince of Darkness. Padre wants to know her secret. He knows she is holding something back. He tells her secrets are not mountains, good one Padre. She still won't rat out the Prince of Darkness. Finally, finally Padre has worn her down. She will only tell him with confession (Note to Cameela: How could you? Now you know he can never, ever say anything). So he tells her, as you wish, and she unloads everything on the Padre, every last detail. (Ed note: You can actually confess in front of a priest now, no confessional booth necessary as long as you let them know you want the sacrament of confession). She tells him it would be bad for Pedro and her *sainted* Mama if she doesn't go thru with this wedding. The Padre can't beleive it. This is just horrific to him. He tells her she is ruining her life, all for the Prince of Darkness, but Cameela tells the Padre she could never forgive herself if her *sainted* Mama went to prison. (Note to Cameela: Stop feeling guilty, just 'memeber about the superglue, if you go thru with this, jus' sayin'). Padre tells her she is ruining her life, ya think? She says she feels bad doing this to Pedro. Padre tells her she needs to tell Pedro the truth and stop pleading the 5th. She says she won't. Padre also wanted her to go to the policia to rat out the Prince of Darkness, but she wouldn't go.

Pigorio and Panchito are in the office at Alcatrash and Pigorio asks if Cameela is really marrying the Prince of Darkness tomorrow? Panchito says oh yes.

Cameela is all alone in her room, thinking of Pedro and that *hawt* night in LA and then the Prince of Darkness, threatening her. She prays, Oh Dios Mio, ayuda mi. Just then there is a knock on the door. The Virus opens it and it is Mariana come to call on Cameela. Of course the Virus thinks she is there about what else, on the count of three, *El Cheque es Mio of course, but Mariana looks at her like, have you lost your mind? and says I have come to talk to Cameela. Of course, the Virus tries to dissuade her, but Cameela comes out of her room and tells the Virus she will speak to Mariana. Mariana tells Cameela that Pedro is very upset, and she wants to know why Cameela is marrying the Prince of Darkness, when just a while ago she interrupted Cameela's wedding to Pedro? The whole convo is about WHY? Cameela tells her now Mariana will have a second chance with Pedro. Cameela says I am marrying the Prince of Darkness, ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies. Not really but essentially that is how the convo went. She won't spill the frijoles to Mariana. She tells Mariana you just don't understand, ask me no more. Mariana says she doesn't want Pedro to suffer, and she knows darn well that Cameela is so not in love with the Prince of Darkness. Cameela tells her, she isn't saying anything else. Mariana really wants to know why Cameela would marry someone she doesn't love? Cameela tells her to vette, she says now is your chance with Pedro. Mariana leaves, and Cameela cries.

Now we have Papa Pig and his sluttily dressed ex-daugher-in-law having a little powwow in the bedroom. He tells Doris nothing will ever seperate me from you. You are ES MIO. He tells her she won't leave Alcatrash. He asks for his pills. (Note to Doris: Don't touch that bottle) She brings the pills to the Pig. She gives him smoochies, yuck (Note to Doris, do you have enough Listerine? Jus' sayin"), He tells Doris he is sooo happy with her. She knows Cameela is coming to live at Alcatrash. Doris tells him she is upset, because of Cameela and the Prince of Darkness her fabby Fabi is in Canada.

Maria has gone back to the hospital and consults with Manuel. She is soo upset her poor neice has to marry the Prince of Darkness. Manuel says that Cameela really should go to the police and fess up. Maria says she won't because she doesn't want to hurt her *sainted* mother. Oh, please already. Maria says she has to respect her neice's wishes. Manuel says it is a heavy cross to bear.

Cameela, Army and Angel are having a last supper together. Cameela tells them not to worry about her. Then guess who calls, of course, it is the Prince of Darkness, just wanting to touch base, so to speak. He tells her along with the Virus, the boys can come to the wedding too. Oh Yay.

It is the day of doom, the apocalypse for Cameela so to speak. She is with the Virus, Army and Angel. Cameela is in a wonderful, sparkley, white dress, her wedding gown, sans veil. She is looking lovely. Virus tells her the Prince of Darkness is a wonderful guy (Oh please where is the anvil for this virus). What a wonderful wedding it will be. Cameela gives her the death ray, and tells her, this is no, wait for it, wedding, its a funeral! (Note to Cameela, maybe someone will stand up at the wedding when they say if anyone has a reason why these two shouldn't be married. I wish you best of luck).

Valentin comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness. The Prince of Darkness tells him this must be the PERFECT wedding. Papa Diablo comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness and wants to shake his hand. The Prince of Darkness won't do it. Papa Diablo tells his Prince of Darkness that you marry, you leave Alcatrash!

All of El Tal has gotten together and talked endlessly about how could Camella do this to our Pedro, some using power tools, and the Padre was in the mix too, but without a power tool. Oh, and Santiago has been freed from the social services, Liliana has a heart after all, and Padre is the one that got him out. He is very happy to be with Pedro again, and also can't beleive that Cameela is with the Prince of Darkness.

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Wedding from Hell Begins. Will it go through? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

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Una Familia Con Suerte #264 Wed 5/23/12 FINALE!!!!!


I took over from Ez as the last hour rolled around. I gotta say, I really liked this telenovela until they started cramming ten hours a week down our throats. I think it was disrespectful to the show and to the viewers. Anyway here goes!

Pina and Sebas, post-wedding, feeding each other. Is it cake? Ez thinks it's ravioli. Not very effective food porn, not appetizing in slow motion. Ez thinks Pina dropped her spit-covered straberry back on her plate.

Phew, it's the next day, Tomas and Lupita are back in the chapel. Lupe is going to confess something... Since Tomas hasn't had sex with her he just says he hopes she isn't pregnant - BUT HE'LL SUPPORT HER NO MATTER WHAT. Hah, hah, she just wants to confess looovvvve. FF>

It's the fifth or sixth night of the full moon, but of course as we know there is always a full moon in Mexico. Usually I skip all the scenes with the babies but they're getting baptised so I watch. Pancho tells a joke about baptism but I was talking so I missed it. Was it funny?

Who is that kissing Adoracion at the baptism? Pascualito? He says he'll marry Adoracion and make her happy. The mama approves.

Pepe makes an adorable speech about llloooove to his preggers Sirena.

Ezra will attest that I predicted this next scene last night. Vince and his newly-adopted dog and incredibly bushy beard walk along the highway. He remembers all the love that's been offered to him over the years and cries. Pancho leaves the baptism to go fetch Don Octavio. I predicted that Vince would end up on the very same bridge Dona Fer was going to jump off at the beginning of this novela. I predicted this yesterday!!! There he is! Reviewing mentally all his disgraces. And there's Pancho, out of his lurid blue advertising-mobile, staring up at Vince on the railing! Commercial!

Pancho tries to talk him down. Even though Vince tried to kill him, he doesn't hate him. Pancho says it's alcohol that's been the problem. Vince says it's alcohol that takes away the pain of a mediocre life. "I lost my dignity and my only son. I don't want to start again. I'm tired of living."

Pancho's phone rings, it's Rebeca, but he doesn't answer. Now here comes the priest and Pancho isnt here! And here comes Candy in the nun-mobile with all her new sisters.

Back to the bridge. "Let's talk as we've never talked, like cousins. I know you have goodness in your heart. And Freddy needs you." "He said I don't deserve his love. It's true.  I tried to destroy everyone. I want you to know I've always envied you. You had no advantages but you were always in a good humor, intelligent, you have an incredible family. I can't enjoy life the way you do. I've lost too much." "Iracheta, I lost my wife when Temo was born, my parents died, Dona Fer died, but no matter, we need to go forward. Don't you want to see your grandchildren running all over the place? You can be near your son." "I want to die! But before I die I want to ask your pardon." Vince drops. Commercial.

Vince, what a aguafiesta! First he wrecks Pina's wedding, then he wrecks this boring baptism. What a diva, what a drama queen.

Back to the baptism. Pancho and Don Octavio show up at the last minute, the impatient priest says we can begin, Pancho says no we can't. "Can we have one more godfather?" And here's Vince? All cleaned up and showered and in a brand new suit after he just fell off the bridge? And sober? That was very very quick!

Boring baptism accompanied by Candy and her nun friends singing a flaccid pop song. Candy and the new improved Vince make goony eyes at each other.

It turns out that, just like with Fer, as Vince plumged to his death Pancho grabbed his hand at the last minute. But dangling there, Vince still wasn't convinced. "Cousin! Freddy doesn't deserve the sadness he'll feel. Do it for Pollis!" Finally Vince agrees not to die and lets himself be pulled up. The two of them sit exhausted on the bridge. Pancho invited him to the baptism but after a shower: "You smell bad, like sulphur and an apache calzone." ??

Candy is about to get into the nunmobile to go back to the convent but Vince runs after her. Her friend says "don't flee happiness" and the van leaves without her. Vince says: "Your brother saved my life. They both pardoned me. You look like a virgin. Do you forgive me too?" Yes she does. He asks if they could try again. She takes off her wimple. They kiss. "Let's go, anywhere you want!" Candy, noooooooo!!!

As they hug he feels a prick - it's one of Violeta's poison rings. But he doesn't die. Then Octavio says he wants to live with them all despite his Alzheimer's. Huge bear hug.

Back home, Chela is crying. Enzo asks why. Personally I think she's overstimulated and needs a nap. She says they're tears of happiness. Then the cast gets on stage before a crowd of regular Mexicans and we hear the theme song one last time. FF> and out!


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Una Familia Con Suerte #263 Wed 5/23/12 Oh yeah, some stuff happened.


Well friends, here we are! The final episode begins with a tiresome hour of replays, which I did not feel guilty about skipping.

Violenta preps her goons for a little home invasion. They get the drop on the Lopez' police detail, tie them up with cheap packing tape and proceed to crash the Lopez family gathering. When they get in, they tie up the maid with the same tape, and Violeta has her men collect everyone's phones. Pancho is funny when it's turn - he just pulls one crumpled kleenex after another out of his pocket!

Wicked-Schizo-Amazon-Barbie wants Pancho to decide which Lopez will die first. But before this evil scheme can play itself out, she hears one of the upstairs babies on the monitor... She threatens everyone, leaves the rest of the family downstairs with Samuel (Flunkie #1), and takes Rebe and Flunkie #2 upstairs to the nursery. She seizes the nearest baby and begins to shake it menacingly, but she has a moment of doubt snaps back into only-slightly-crazy Amazon Barbie... the two barbies struggle inside her head, and Rebe gets the baby back. Then bad-mamazon comes back and grabs the other baby.

Downstairs, Ana tries to bribe the mercenaries, buying the boys enough time to punch them into submission. They all grab guns and rush upstairs, sneaking around like secret agents or something. Pancho sneaks into the nursery and disarms the last guard. Then he kicks the gun away, but it goes off! That's what he gets for trying to act like Bond. Violenta inches towards the window and raises the baby girl. Amusingly, she doesn't actually get the baby to the window. She's holding the baby 5 feet up (maybe more, given those heels) and everyone is terrified. Monica gets in a tearful plea, from one "mother to another," telling her that time in Paris was unforgettable(yeah, getting a bad hairdo while your mom buys poison, what great time that must have been!). Nonetheless, Violeta gives up the baby and hugs her daughter.

Tomas leads a team of cops to the casa Lopez (it seems like he's in charge of absolutely everything the police do...), and arrests Violeta, who is cradling an imaginary baby. Tomas says she had seduced a French scientist to get the poison, and now she will spend the rest of her days locked up. She says "I doubt it, siempre salgo con lo mio." And poisons herself.

Enzo is much relieved to hear his health is better, and we get another PSA about eating less fat. Enzo gets the doctor to say that sex is perfectly OK. Chela is embarrassed. Hahaha. In the bedroom, Chela looks a little nervous as Enzo swings on a vine in a loincloth and beats his chest.

Arnold "baby" gets into Ray's car for their date. Basically, the story is that he's confused. I'll say! Going from closeted-sex (tee-hee) with Barbs to a dude with a purple silk scarf around his neck in just a few short episodes... Then he is treated to a weird and awful karaoke serenade at this gay bar/club/restaurant. This is basically all the closure we get on Arnold in this finale.

Pina has recovered completely and is busily flipping a few shits about her wedding. See, her wedding planner has been preoccupied lately. Wonder why?

Tomas, now in his capacity as head-of-missing-persons-department (man, they fast-tracked him, from prisoner to boss of police in a few months), lets Freddy know that Vins has not been spotted. They found the car but not the guy.

Cut to a park where Vins appears to have stolen an outfit from a homeless man (as in, not what he was wearing when his bender began) and grown 2 inches of beard overnight. He now has a following of two filthy dogs.

Candi is ready to be a nun, she just has one great work left to do. Sister Superior (rolling her eyes at Candi's zeal) sends her off in a van to put blankets on homeless guys in a park. She happens to be putting a blanket on Vins and begins to recognize him. He looks up and sees an angel. "I'm dead, you're an angel." She thinks she's crazy and runs away to the convent.

Adoracion won't leave Sebs and Pina alone. She's enamored of the two, particularly Sebastian, and won't leave them in peace. He gives in and lets her see pictures of the wedding plan.

Also, has anyone read all of the things on Ado's "o my go" shirt?

Tomas proposes to Lupita. These proposal scenes are really all starting to seem the same.

Fred is worrying about Vins, but Pina thinks Vins just used his money to disappear.

There've been so many weddings in this show that they skip the lead up and jump right to the chase: all of a sudden, an awesome-looking Pina is walking down the aisle with Sebastian and getting interrupted by Vicente (who read about the wedding in the newspaper he was using as a blanket.

Needless to say, no one is happy to see him. Sebastian calls him "piltrafa" (a scrap, a skinny piece of meat that is little more than skin). Someone asks where he'd been and he says "I went on vacation in the street." Says Pancho: "Why don't you go home, clean up, and go to some institution that can help you." "Your beard is dirtier than your clothes." "It's all your fault, Pancho." "I'll go, but give me back my bottle!" He dissolves into a sobbing puddle of nenenenes...

Once he leaves, they try to get the wedding back on track.The judge, in a trendy cap, tries to get out a song, but everyone has had enough nonsense and they finish the wedding.

Melly's back, and the dog is in a tux! Sickening sappiness! I barf a little when the dogs start talking.

But Vins didn't go to Rehab! He went back to the park and the boozing. Guess someone should have kept an eye on him.

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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Abismo de pasión #52 5/22/12: Add Hypocrisy to Carmina and Augusto’s Sins




We saw yesterday that:

·      Damian is a hag.
·      Augusto will forever be tinned cat food to your recapper.
·      Carmina is a very bad candidate for the clandestine services of Mexico.
·      Paolo has a praise-worthy body and a teeny-tiny mind.
·      Even Gabino is a better mother than Ingrid.
·      Elisa needs to stay hydrated (so many tears!) and should be signing up for ass-kicking empowerment classes.  We know she has got the boots. And the Boobs. Did I say that?

Not a Whole Lot of Trusting Going On In La Ermita

Gael and Father Guadelupe are having a meal.  “Did you ever find out the relationship between Kenia and Ingrid?” asks the Father. “Kenia is her daughter, “ says Gael. “Her daughter?” responds an incredulous Padre. “Her daughter,” repeats Gael.  Notice that he didn’t say, “My mother, my sister,” right here.

This launches Lupe into a conversational riff on how this explains Kenia’s interest in Gael in general and her interest in investing in the Habanero Project in particular. Padre also takes this opportunity to try to manipulate Gael back from his decision to leave La Ermita permanently. “See, you have to get to know her,” cries a resourceful Lupe. “The problem is I don’t trust her,” says Gael. “She is a liar like Ingrid. This is really hard for me, Padre! I don’t have a family! No mother, no sister.”  “Well”, says the Good Father, “For me, I am really interested in getting to know her”.

Señor Tinned Cat food Has Coffee at Kenia’s

‘Gusto Cat food is sitting on the loveseat at Kenia’s Casa Rosa drinking his coffee.  Kenia inquires about his comfort (who cares, he is tinned d-e-a-d-m-e-a-t) and jumps up to rub the kinks out of his neck caused from sleeping on her too-small loveseat while the breathy “ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh, ah-ah-ah-ahhhh, ah,ah,ah,ah” music plays. (I thought that was Esefania’s music, writers! Whaaaaat?) “Gusto Cat food stops her before he gets a stiffy and says he has a complicated day at work and has to go. He needs to go to the bank in Merida…well Holy Guacamole, what a coincidence! Kenia also needs to go to the only bank in Merida, capital of the Yucatan State, population 970,377. Fancy that! OK, Kids, let’s go together. Fine, but first “Gusto Cat food has to go home and shower. Ok, then, it’s all settled. At least she will have protection for today, it seems. Maybe Augusto will get his gun while he is at home.

Ed. —Kenia is playing Augusto, but why? It cannot be his peerless good looks. He has a great house but no money. I continue to be puzzled by her motives. Furthermore, Kenia is a bright enough girl to realize that Carmina is a Toxic Tia (not the first one we have seen in a telenovela). She didn’t kill her sister but she rejoiced at her sister’s death and last night she told he lover that Yo-gusto Cat food was the love of her life. If she believes that is true, she might actually become deadly if moved by jealousy. WATCH OUT KENIA! But, I digress…

The Cheque, Yes, the Cheque

Over at the Blue Love Shack, Ingrid is in a big hurry to get to, you guessed it, the only Bank in Merida. She is now in possession of Kenia’s bank statements (In Ingrid’s name, as I recall) and she wants to get everything sorted so that the money is ALL HERS AGAIN—almost but not quite rubbing her hands together with glee. Gabino thinks she is a bit, well, intense, but Ingrid knows her offspring, after all, she trained the little grifter ™ (Thanks, Sylvia) well. Kenia escaped last night and, even with a head injury, she is probably already trying to get the account changed so Ingrid cannot touch it. Ah Ingrid, you have a mother’s intuition after all.

Gabino doubts Ingrid’s motherly instincts and suggests that she cares more for D-I-N-E-R-O than for her only offspring but Ingrid turns the comment neatly by questioning Gabino’s morality.  Verily, your recapper thinks, these are two peas in a pod.

Ingrid promises to be discreet while going to the bank by herself. Then she puts on Estefania’s pearl and diamond necklace (gift of Gabino courtesy of Carmina who stole it from Stef’s jewel box after she died) to go to the bank in the middle of the morning and heads out to recover her ill-gotten gains.

Meanwhile, just as her mother suspected, wily Kenia is on the phone with the bank. She wants to cancel all the documents. No, she doesn’t have the account numbers. The clerk should look them up!  When the clerk won’t do that, Kenia announces she will come to the bank this very day and withdraw all her money.

Trouble brewing.

Where O Where Is Don Yo-gusto Cat food

Over at Casa Castañon this beautiful Yucatan morning, Carmina is hobbling around looking pitiful and she has RELATIVELY little makeup on. I think she wants folks to feel sorry for her. This is not even a remote possibility since, once again, last night Viewerville observed Carmina mussing up the sheets with Pitiful Paolo. Note to Carmina: Pitiful looks better on Paolo the incipient rapist than on you, m’dear. You just keep working the crazy. You have me convinced, for sure.

Anyway, sob, Carmina, tells anyone who will listen—read Elisa, Lolita and us—that ‘Gusto Cat food DID NOT COME HOME LAST NIGHT! O the drama, Carmina.




Well, as someone pointed out in yesterday’s comments, why not look at the Cantina. It seems he has spent many a night at his Local, drunk off his butt and unable to point his horsie home.  But Carmina is going for the sympathy vote, when in walks “Gusto Cat food himself, looking like the cat who just ate the canary.

“Where were you, or at least tell me who you were with?” cries a should-be squirming-with-guilt Carmina? Elisa can’t help but be co-dependent and remark that she and her Aunt were really worried. Yo-gusto Cat food ‘fesses up, or at least seems to. “I was with someone who needed me. Edmundo Tovar. He is breaking up with Begone-ya and needed a friend.” Well, now this is quite a situation. ‘Gusto Cat food confesses to Carmina, his wife, that he stayed out all night getting drunk with her ex-lover. Meanwhile, Carmina was having sex with Paolo, the man whom her husband is trying to force to marry his daughter and Carmina’s niece Elisa. Now, THAT’S melodramatic.

As ‘Gusto Cat food walks off with his nose in the air to take a bath and get ready to meet Kenia, to go to the bank, with whom he really spent the night (innocently) Carmina muses that he might be lying. Elisa rushes to defend her father by saying, “My father is not a liar, not like you, Aunt”.  Hmm, seems everybody in this scene was half right.

Mama Lolita Protects Her Niña Elisa

Over at Casa Arango, Lolita has come to visit Damian. When ‘Tonia answers the front door she gives Lolita some sass, telling her to come around to the kitchen, but Damian interrupts them and politely tells ‘Tonia to take Delores to the sala. Lolita, however, has come to have words with Damian, and she isn’t interested in sitting in the living room drinking coffee.

She stands right there in the hall and tells Damian she is not supportive of  him being in a relationship with Elisa. He was gone for a long time and Elisa suffered much because of the townspeople. Now she has to suffer because of him! He tries to get a word or two in edgewise, but she isn’t having it.

“You don’t have to explain anything, Damian. I love Elisa like she is my only child. No one will do her harm.”

On the way out she runs into Horacio, who offers to carry her milk in the market today. He thinks she might still be mad at him. She says she is not mad at him or anybody (liar) but has to get on with her day. Fine, then, he will accompany her. No, she doesn’t need his help.  This goes on for a while back and forth. He mentions that he has been thinking that she might someday be his girlfriend.

She does not agree with this, but allows her to accompany her to the market. I am sorry viewers. I hate this pairing. Lolita is a fab character and Elisa’s stalwart defender and the writers are going to pair her with an arsonist and murderer, however handsome and repentant? Blech, as Sylvia would say.

Now we are treated to a comedy of manners courtesy of Gael and Padre Lupe. They are in front of Kenia’s house and she is not home. Undaunted, Lupe decides to wait and sits himself down on the sidewalk and wait for her. Meanwhile he blesses the passersby with a “Good afternoon, children. Go with God.” Gael complains bitterly that they are making themselves conspicuous by sitting on the curb in front of La Casa Rosa de Kenia.  Gael tells him that Kenia said that Ingrid does not have good intentions toward him. “All the more reason to talk with Kenia, my son,” says Padre.

This is a delightful scene in which Loopy Lupe is using the situation to distract Gael from the seriousness and painfulness of the situation with his erstwhile mother and sister. Finally, as they give up and leave, Padre pushes his luck trying to get Gael to go over to the procesadora to clear things up with Damian.  This is an utterly delightful scene.

Elisa Is Depressed and Now So Is Paloma

Paloma comes into Elisa’s room where Elisa is still depressed and in bed. She tells Elisa that she is going to continue working for Dr. Tovar and then asks Elisa what is wrong. “Again you cry.” “Damian y yo ya no somos novios.” Whaaaat? Asks Paloma. “Because I am not going to be with a man who lacks confidence in me.” Right on sister. “Damian is an asshat lout.”

“Last night I was looking for Gael…” “Why were you looking for Gael?” asks Paloma? “Don’t you know? Gael says he is leaving La Ermita for EVER!”  Seriously, Elisa, you could have broken that to your best friend a little more gently.

Over at La Procesadora

Gael is looking for Ingrid and runs into Gabino. Gabino says she has not reported to work for a couple of days. Gael says he WISHED that Gabino would have known more about Ingrid’s whereabouts, given that Gabino and Ingrid are such good friends and all. The air is thick with Gael’s sarcasm but Gabino plays dumb, which can’t be easy for him, because dumb he ain’t.

Gabino comes in and yells at and tries to menace Braulio. It is not working. Braulio reports that he now takes his orders directly form Señor Damian Arango. Have a nice day, Gabino.

Later Gabino hunts down young Vicente in the procesadora yard and offers the 16-year-old barely literate (if his teachers are to be believed) juvenile delinquent a job as his personal assistant in the absence of Ingrid. WTH???

Braulio confronts Vicente about this—what is Gabino thinking offering his son such a job? Vicente says that Gabino sees his potential, unlike Braulio. If Braulio keeps him from taking this job, Vicente will never forgive his father!

Father Lupe Visits His Lemon Sucking Sister

Alfonsina has been sucking on lemons again.  She shouldn’t do that, you know. In addition to making her have a nasty frowning expression, it is said to be bad for the enamel of the teeth. Just ask my mother.

Lupe tells his sister Alfonsina that they need to talk about Elisa Castañon. Alfie plays innocent, and not very well, I might add. Lupe accuses Alfie of poisoning Elisa’s well with Damian. Well, Alfie says she will do anything to keep that woman away from her son. “Because like it or not, brother, I am not going to let the daughter of the woman who took my husband to have my son.”

“Sister, you do not know how sad this makes me. All this hatred is not good for you. God knows it is not what I want but I predict that if you don’t change you are going to end up alone, very alone.” That sounds like an anvil set up if I have ever heard one.

Haps At The Only Bank In Merida, City With a Population Of 970,377 Souls

Augusto drops off Kenia in front of the Bank while he parks, but inside, Ingrid has the numbers all wrapped up. “Muchas gracias, Sra. Navarro,” drones a clerk, as Ingrid gets up to leave, with all her business concluded.

As she is leaving the bank she runs into Kenia entering the same modest institution, and Ingrid taunts her  daughter that the money is now, once again , ALL HERS, hahahaha. Kenia reminds her that her silence has a price. “Not one more cent!” snaps an angry Ingrid. But Ingrid’s luck is about to run out, because just now, Yo-gusto Cat food is coming into the bank and clumsily runs into Ingrid.

He immediately spots Estefania’s necklace! “Where did you get that?”, he asks. “It was a gift.” she answers.  “I want to know how it came to be in your hands!” ‘Gusto growls.

Ingrid says the necklace came from her Mother, it was a gift but Augusto insists it was a gift he had made for his wife. A security guard breaks up an incipient and undignified tussle over the jewel and Ingrid gets away as Gusto Cat food continues to insist that the necklace seems very much like on he had made for his wife.

At Casa Castañon

Horacio walks Lolita home. He is not carrying any bags. Hmmm. After discussing the many years she has worked at CC, he asks her out on another date tomorrow. Carmina is spying on them.

Carmina tortures Lolita. “Who was the guy who walked you home?”  “A friend.”  I didn’t know you had friends.” Carmina you are a bitch.

“What is his name? What is his last name?” Lolita doesn’t know or won’t tell. She excuses herself.

Gael Continues His Goodbyes


Gael now says goodbye to Don Lucio. He asks Lucio to take care of his Chamaco. Lucio says sure. Gael says he repents of nothing and does not intend to come back. Then generous Lucio gives Gael the keys to his car. What a sweet man.

Gabino Is a Cranky Pants

Gabino is back at the Blue House of Shame when Ingrid comes flouncing in with her dramatic account of what happened at the bank. Gabino looks hot and mad. He tells her he has found her son. His name is Gael. “What makes you think Gael is my son?” Ingrid replies.

The air is thick with sarcasm as Gabino starts in, “Because CURIOUSLY, I remember he was with Father Lupe at the Hotel. CURIOUSLY, when he came looking for me at the Procesadora today he said that Kenia is like his sister. Very CURIOUS, no?” Ingrid doesn’t want to say anything.

“Why can’t you tell me the truth?”, Gabino implores Ingrid. (You see, bad guys have relationship problems, too. Think Tony Soprano…) I think you knew Gael was your son all along.” Our Ingrid folds and says yes, Gael is her son and Rosendo is his father. Gabino is muy impactada.

Ingrid points out that she had plans for her son—as an Arango. Does Gabino understand? But he hates her. (Now there is a surprise!)

She did not want to confess all to Gabino. Anyway, why should she trust him? When he is a thief! Now, she really has Gabino’s goat. I mean, arson, murder, misery yes, but thievery??? Never, says Gabino. Have we finally hit Gabino’s code of honor?

Don ‘Gusto Cat food Remembers

Back at home, ‘Gusto remembers giving Estefania the necklace. She loved it—it was the most beautiful jewel she had ever seen. He had it made especially for her. I love yous all around. Now he tosses Stef’s room looking for the jewels. Carmina’s comes in. Why are you looking for her jewels after all this time, asks the tiny brown spider? Augusto relates the haps at the bank. “Who was this woman?” asks Carmina.  Cat food-to-me says “I don’t know, I have never seen her before.  She was very beautiful and I am sure the jewel is the same.”

Ingrid Wins Every War Of Words

Ingrid starts in, “So this guy at the bank had the jewel especially made for his wife and he was sure that this was it!” (Hello, if it was custom, wouldn’t it be engraved or personalized). Ok, Ok, Gabino admits he got the pearls for doing a favor for Don Augusto Castañon’s wife. Ah ha! Gabino neglects to say WHICH wife, I might add. “And she died with Rosendo in the car accident”. Ingrid jumps to the wrong conclusion. For some reason that I do not understand, Gabino is protecting Carmina. Maybe he just doesn’t trust Ingrid. Duh. The plot thickens!

Some Other Plot Points

·      Kenia finds a letter waiting for her at her house.
·      Elisa is still depressed over her breakup with Damian.
·      Lolita lights Ramona’s pink love candle.
·      Gael and the Padre talk more about Ingrid and Kenia. Padre asks Gael to forgive his mother and sister.
·      Damian, Vicente and Braulio hide and watch as Carmina gets in a cab and leaves Elisa alone at home. Damian needs to talk with Elisa.

But Just As Gael Is Leaving La Ermita

Paloma flies up to say to Gael” Were you going to leave without saying goodbye to me?”

So wrapping things up in La Ermita for the night, which one of this miserably married couple do you see as the greatest hypocrite:

1.     Carmina
2.     “Gusto Cat food-To-Me
3.      
Cast your vote now, over on Caray, Caray!

Avances
·      Kenia introduces herself to Padre Lupe
·      Damian tries to ask forgiveness of Elisa but she says no
·      Ingrid and Carmen have an interesting little confab over Stef’s pearls
·      Ramona and Paloma talk about Gael leaving

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Una Familia Con Suerte #261-262 Tue 5/22/12 revenge of the Amazon Barbie

Yes folks, we've reached the penultimo of the ultimos capitulos, and things are getting real.

The curtains rise on Tomas fruitlessly searching Violeta's place for the poison, but finding only a safe full of wadded-up and crumpled bills. Bitter words fly between the two.

Meanwhile, Pancho is busily turning the other cheek and attempting to offer his assistance to a be-frazzled Vins. His outfit is rumpled, he needs a shave, and he's pounding down his "mi whiskis" like there's no tomorrow. Pancho chides the man for hiding in alcohol, and Vins, who looks like a total train-wreck, protests that this way he still retains a shred of dignity. Sorry bro, that ship has sailed. As if *trying* to separate himself from that last shard of dignity, Vins goes on to blame everything that has gone wrong since the novela started on Fernanda and Pancho. If *he'd* been president, he would still be happily married to Pina (as if), and everything would've been just peachy. Pancho says there's still time to change. Vins smashes his whiski glass in anger (the first of several, this episode), Pancho exits, and Vins wonders aloud whether Pancho had a point.

Pina is gushing to Arnie about all the luscious foreign fabrics that she will include in her wedding (it's like nobody, not even the writers, believes he's straight) when Raymondo appears, begging a word with his beloved Mr. Flowers. He admits to giving Arnold all those gifts and kisses him on the cheek. Arnie looks shocked, and that's all we get on this subplot for today. My mom made a good point, that usually the last day of a novela has lots of weddings, but most of the characters are married already. Maybe Arnie and Raymondo will tie the knot tomorrow and beef up the wedding count...

Monica and Pepe go to Chela and Rebe, respectively. Both are spilling the beans about Moni's pregnancy, but Monica is teary-eyed and Pepe is ecstatic! Apparently, Monica is thinking about an abortion, and both conversations revolve around this reality. Both women are holding babies, which I thought was a funny counterpoint to the abortion discussion. Rebe says that Pepe shouldn't tell his girl what to do, but rather support her in everything.

Pancho takes his Vins worries to Pancho, and she is rather horrified to hear that her ex would rather die than see her marry Sebastian.

Fred and Ana are enjoying their honeymoon (I guess they got over that whole I-only-got-close-to-you-to-find-evidence-your-dad-is-a-criminal thing pretty quickly), but Pancho calls to tell Fred what bad shape Vice is in and ask him to come back and talk to him. Then Pancho goes to the convent to see if he can talk Candi out of the whole nun thing (Candi: "I had to come here to get peace and think and relax and sort out my life." Pancho: "couldn't you do that in Hawaii?"). Failing that, he tells her what bad shape her ex is in and begs her to come try to redeem him somehow. She gets permission to leave the convent to go help the family (Sister superior is kind of funny - "so.... you will leave the nunnery to go to the guy who made you so miserable you came here? really?"). Fred tries to get his Dad (who is muttering about the Lopez and their "labyrinth of mediocrity") to at least stop drinking and let him help. Vins is spiteful and tells him he *was* his father but no longer. Fred doesn't give up, works up some tears, and tells vins that he used to be his idol. We'll fight together, pops. They are going to go to rehab in the morning, I think. Most of the Lopez kids come up to gawp at Monica and cheer about the baby on the way (she decided against the abortion). I see that Temo has FINALLY combed his hair. Enzo gets a little wacko/manic when he hears about the baby. Maybe he's getting crazier because Chela won't sleep with him. Meanwhile (sorry for the repetition, but what better word is there for a novela transition?), Violeta's evil-voice-in-her-head is getting a little more insistent, and it congratulates her for her plan to hurt Tomas' wife. For his part, Tomas is with the cops and the body of Violeta's latest victim, who I think is the hapless dude who told crazy Amazon barbie where to find Lupita. Then there is a really weird scene with Chacho, who appears to have won a blue car. Pancho is happy for him, there's some awkwardness about witnesses and signing for the car, and then Chacho honks and drives off into the sunset. Talk about random, yeah?

Pancho drops Lupita off at la guarderia, but sees Violeta going after her. Pancho leaps into action, running out and sending everyone away so he can have a little confrontation with crazy-babe. For her part, she struggles with her inner eviler-self (who wants to kill Pancho) and satisfies herself with merely threatening him and storming off. Tomas shows up with some cops to console Lupita. They kiss, and Pancho covers his eyes.

The next morning, Vins sees Pina's engagement announcement in the paper, smashes another whiski glass, and sets off to do something bad.

Pina borrows Sebastian's Avon car for her ride home (I wonder if a manly-man like Sebastian was embarrassed about driving a car with a huge cosmetics logo on the hood?). Thinking it's Sebastian in the car, an already-drunk Vins gives chase! Neither of them is driving particularly safely; she's texting and he's smashed. He rams her off the road and her car tumbles down the hill, lands upside-down, and bursts into flames (well, a little bit of flames)!!!!!

Pina survives (and even crawls out of the car), but she's a mess. The makeup team did a doozy of a job here, with blood all over her face and goozing out of her mouth. There's a quick cut to Vins' car at the top of the hill, and then Pina's car *really* explodes. There's some needless suspense here drawn out over a commercial break, but what happened is that Vins realized what he'd done, dragged her clear of the wreck (I laughed when he saw her, oozing blood and battered, and asked "are you ok?"), bawled over her for a bit, and then called the ambulance.

Fred and Candi both arrive at Vins' house to save him from himself (on Pancho's urging), to find it empty. They see the shattered glass and the newspaper open to the engagement page and rush off to get Pancho. They all pile into La Burra and head off in search of Pina. They find a morose Vins and yell at him. Fred is the maddest, but Vins just tells him he's not worth the waste of his son's time. Fred tells his Dad that he will never ever ever forgive him for this. The gang (except Vins) head off for some more hospital scenes.

Pina is clearly getting tired of people asking her if she's ok. When Ana asks, Pina says sarcastically "supers bien." Glad she kept her sense of humor.

At his place, Pepe finds a mysterious note from Moni, explaining that she's left to do something important for her family. In fact, she has gone to barbie's den, to tell her to leave everyone alone. It's funny, because Monica doesn't even come up to her Amazon mom's shoulder. She doesn't have much luck with the "please leave me alone" gambit, and her mom just says that she's sick of all those nacos, so Monica pulls the pregnancy card. She doesn't get good results. Violeta tells her she should abort it, just like Violeta had tried to do to Monica. "I didn't want you, and I don't want a grandson." But Monica doesn't lose it until her mom insults Enzo. Then she slaps her mom, who seems to smack her with a wine glass. Great chat, mom! Pancho and Enzo arrive and are, in turn, insulted: "vulgarcitos." Monica lets them know that Violeta has already admitted to two murders. Pancho: "who else?" After they leave, her evil voice says "they'll all die." Does she even have enough poison?

One of the gags of this episode is that, whenever someone sees Candi in a habit, they freak out and ask REALLY? Ana now tries to talk her aunt out of it, to no avail.

Pina, on her hospital bed, admits to Fred that she has some regrets. She tells her son how proud she is of him for staying strong even when he disagreed with her (like with Ana, and when he sticks up for his dad).

Speaking of the man who put the VICE in Vicente, he's in baaaad shape. He's swilling cheap tequila and swerving back and forth in his Mercedes. He stops the car in the middle of the door, exits, and stumbles to a halt in some random neighborhood. He slumps against a concrete wall and starts shivering. A dog trots up and--get this--he hugs it! Some dude walking by sees the drunk hugging a dog and drops a coin by Vins' feet. Pathetic.

At the hospital, Pina is back on her feet. She sure has bounced back fast, given how recently she was oozing pints of blood out of her mouth alone. Pancho: You look great... ready for the triathlon? Pina: more like a bubble bath.

Tomas, on the line with interpol, has discovered that the poison is - duh duh DUH!- French. His counterparts across the pond will begin searching for the person who made it.

Meanwhile (there it is again), Violeta is scheming. She delivers the final words of the episode: Tonight will be *unforgettable*!

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