Abismo de pasión #77 6/28/12: A boda, besos, brindis, and barbaridades

Alternate Title: I’m not Lolita, My name is Doris, Lolita left you, Long ago.


Redux, Marta said it best: Lolita comes in in Augie’s pickup with Lucio and Elisa. Augie and Lucio leave Lolita and Elisa in truck while they check that Loopy has everything ready. Brau comes by to Lolita’s window in the truck. Brau congrats Lolita on how pretty she is. “Horacio is taking a great woman, you don’t know how much I envy him. Years ago I would have been the man marrying you.” … you left me and you forgot me… “no, I never forgot you. in all these years not a night has gone by in which I did not think of you, remembered the taste of your lips, the smell of your skin. I still love you. (awkward look on Lolita’s face)
(and we leave it there)

Lo Nuevo:
Ha! Remember I was mad at Braulio for choosing this moment to tell all that stuff to Lolita? Well Lolita’s not liking it either. “It’s not fair,” she says, “Why choose this very moment to tell me this? It’s not fair, so vete!” They rehash the details of their past, she reminds him he waited about 5 minutes after she dumped him to hook up with another and now she’s his wife and they have a kid. It’s Lolita’s turn to be happy now. Brau agrees, and says she will always be special to him. She loses it and breaks down in tears, poor thing. Gosh I felt just terrible for her.

Useless Vicente is over at Hacienda Harangue-O sucking up to Gabino, (in a low-cut and sweaty t-shirt!), and doing a paperwork trade. Gab slips him some cash so Vicente will show him all the ProCe paperwork. Tonia catches them and Chente runs off. Gab and Tonia do their usual argument with Gab rubbing it in her face that the chamaco is his and not Braulio’s. (Dude, you would be more effective if you didn’t get that toothpick accidentally stuck on your lip.) And guess who was eavesdropping and now knows that Gabino is his daddy?

Let’s go to the Blue Lagoon where Pal is getting ready for the wedding and Ramona is moping over her colorful seeds or beads or whatever. Ramona thinks Lolita is making the worst mistake of her life. “Otra vez la burra al trigo,” sasses Paloma, using my favorite dicho. She thinks Ramona is being a wet blanket as usual when it comes to love. Ramona bodes ill for Lolita and predicts that Paloma and Gael will never end up in a church. Paloma messes up Ramona’s beads out of spite.

Useless V happily muses over what he just heard, he loves the sound of Vicente Mendoza. He sees Tonia and comments that she’s not really happy with his current papá. Wouldn’t it be cool if he could snap his fingers and just like that papá would disappear? (Egad this kid is a creep!)

Ingrid has summoned Gael to the cantina. She’s looking for Kenia. (At least somebody is!) She makes Gael promise to let her know if he hears anything about his sister.

Padre is having a one-on-one with Horacio and is urging him to confess his sins. He suspects Gabino Mendoza is involved. Horacio says life has been very surly to him. Everyone makes mistakes and he has the right at a second chance, right? Padre says sure as long as you sincerely repent; he can tell something is really tormenting Horacio. Horacio says when he came to this town he was determined to improve his life, whiten his teeth, walk the straight and narrow. He is in tears now, will he confess? But they are interrupted by Lucio so no confession for Horacio today.

The church bells are ringing and Don AssForFace paces outside the church waiting for Lolita and Elisa. The Tovars arrive and BegoneYa asks about Carmina. When she hears Carmina isn’t feeling well she suggests maybe her “gordo” can go check her out. “Good idea,” says Assgusto ominously, “your husband’s visits always seem to make Carmina feel so much better.” (Snort!!)

Don Ass is approached next by Dam, Gael and Paloma. Dam tries to talk and Don A says now is not the time. “It’s never the time, is it?” queries Gael.

Just then Elisa runs up the steps and gives dad the 411 about Lolita and Braulio. Lolita doesn’t want to cancel the wedding but she can’t stop crying.

Let’s travel to the bustling city of Mérida, where it looks like Flor and Alfonsina are...car shopping? Que? Ohhhhh, Fina’s wants to buy Flor a car so she won’t feel like such a prisoner in La Ermita. Flor is pithed for about half a second if Fina thinks she can buy Flor’s cooperation, but then she relents (Fina says cost is no object) and starts happily checking out the cars. In another half second she’s made her choice.

Padre talks Lolita down from her weeping jag. She admits she’s not sure of anything right now. Padre says Brau shouldn’t have approached her because he’d never leave his wife and kid. Horacio adores her, does she not feel the same for him? Lola says she quieros him mucho and darn it, she just wants to be happy.


Back at the car dealership Flor is happy with her snappy new convertible, but her happiness is short lived when the salesman brings Fina’s check back and announces “insufficient funds”. “QUE??” demands the botox queen. She orders Flor back to the clinic alone so she can visit the bank, then reams out the poor salesman for wasting her time, LOL. She’s such a beeyatch.

Let’s go back to the church and see what kind of trouble we can find there.

Squeeee! The wedding march always makes me feel excited. Here comes Padre, Gael and Paloma, Dam and Elisa carrying the rings, followed by Lolita and Don A. Horacio takes Lolita’s hand and they stand before the Padre. Blah blah blah, we all know the drill, let’s get to the good part. “If anyone know any just cause why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever be silent. Hey you Carmina slinking in the back, do you have something to say?” Carmina and Horacio stare at each other. “Nope, sorry for being late,” she says. Everybody looks like they just got a bad case of indigestion, especially Doc Tovar.

Sweet scenes of Elisa bringing the ring, bride and groom putting the rings on, Lolita’s smiles, Dam and Elisa stare at each other, Horacio looks happy, Carmina’s eye bug out in the background. Paloma and Gael place the lazo over the couple. They leave the church and everyone claps and demand besos. Braulio hides in the bushes and cries, poor sap. Now I feel bad for scolding him earlier.

Fina is at the bank getting all over El Gerente for her supposed lack of funds. How could they commit such a huge mistake? No mistake he says, over the past few days all her funds have been transferred to the account of a Guido Landucci. Get a load of her face y’all, it’s classic.

Things aren’t going well at the ProCe either. Guido’s in a tizzy because the machines aren’t running. He demands an explanation from Braulio. Brau says there are no habaneros to process because all the deliveries have been stopped for the past two days. Guido bellows for Gabino. Gab explains that all the checks have bounced and since they can’t pay then they can’t get habaneros. (Now this is really stupid because if this were the case then surely someone would have mentioned this to Guido earlier on, right? But let’s move on.)

Guido yells for Maru (now you’re using your head) but she’s got the day off for Dolores’s wedding. Guido instructs Paolo to get in touch with the bank immediately.

Back to Fina who says it’s impossible that her account “is in zeros”. Bank gerente dude says it is possible because Fina authorized Guido Landucci to pull from her accounts. El Gerente shows her the paperwork signed by him transferring all her money to him. It looks like Fina has been the victim of fraud. Just then he gets a call from Guido and she instructs  him not to take it. From now on every bit of this business will go through her!! El Gerente looks like he just lost his nuts in that conversation.

Braulio visits Padre to whine about Lolita. Padre gets all over Brau’s case for trying to ruin her day. Brau is sure his Lolita won’t be happy with that guy. Padre points out she is not “his” Lolita, call her Doris. She married a good guy and she deserves to be happy. Now Brau should go back to his family and leave Dolores alone. Pop! goes the sleazel. Guess who is lurking and eavesdropping?

Flor is at the clinic and surprise of all surprises, the doc has bad news. She has something called Matriz Infantil (uterine hypoplasia?) and can’t have kids. Gosh, too bad she didn’t get that car because now she can’t have kids, unless she double-crosses Fina. I say go for it Flor.

That creepy insane violin music announces Carmina’s entrance into Padre’s inner sanctum. She wants a few minutes of his time. Just to confirm that whatever she tells him in confession is protected by his complete discretion, correct? Duh, he says, they’ve had this conversation before. She says she has to confess that Padre just married Lolita to a murderer. Horacio is the one who killed Blanca, por favor. (Now wait a minute, they didn’t even go into a confessional. I call non-confession on a technicality. Can we do that?)

“Dios mio!” That’s Padre of course, “Your evil has no limits.” Amen to that brother. Carmina gets the giggles at his reaction. “No lie,” she says, “remember you said that Gabino and I have secrets? This is one of those. Horacio is Gabino’s hit man.” Padre tells her to shut her face. She giggles again and grants herself absolution, (oh that sense of humor!). She tells him to commend Lolita with his God, because who knows what awaits her with a murderer, que bárbaro!! “Oh, and see you at the party!” Creepy exorcist music.

Hey, it’s not a full moon for once. The reception is in full swing and Don Ass is already staggering around proposing toasts. Horacio thanks everyone and announces that starting tomorrow they can buy the best meat in town at his new place. Maru and Lucio are sitting together and she tells him that ever since Guido was made head honcho at the ProCe things have really gone downhill. He’s made one mistake after another, nobody is happy with him, he fired poor Enrique for no reason, and he rehired his stupid younger brother. Lucia basks in the schadenfreude of it all, but Maru points out the ProCe might go under. (Lucio says Gabino must have a knotted liver, higado nudo. Have we heard that one yet?)

The Tovar women gossip about Lolita’s hair and Carmina coming to the church. The Tovar men gripe about Enrique’s termination. They are interrupted by Don Ass who wants a private word with Edmundo. He tells the Doc to make up some excuse but they need to largase from his casa inmediatamente; his family is not welcome. Doc drags his surprised family outta there.

Dam mentions to Elisa that Don A is acting very weird. (Really? Because it’s business as usual from my perspective.) Every time Dam tries to talk Don A cuts him short. He made his request two weeks ago and still nada. Gael suggests they just give up hope. That doesn’t go over well and the boys start arguing about it. Paloma sidetracks them by noticing Padre Lupe hasn’t arrived, so Gael and Dam decide to look for him. Gael actually voluntarily kisses Paloma! Is this a first?

The guys leave which allows Elisa to get all teary and sadly comment that she’s leaving with her father forever, sob. What a bore.

Alfonsina and Flor arrive home and Flor asks Fina what’s been bothering her. Is it the bank? Fina denies it. Flor asks about her car and Fina says she didn’t like the model; they’ll go back next week.

As predicted, Flor lies about her visit with the doctor. Everything is just fine! Good for her, I hope she sticks it to the old bat. Fina instructs Flor to have Guido report to her the moment he gets home, and bring the nutcracker with him.

Don A and Lucio summon Horacio to the study to tell him that tomorrow Elisa and Don A are leaving forever. Don A is entrusting Horacio to help Don Lucio sell the house and with whatever Lucio needs. He says Horacio can’t say a word about their leaving to anyone, especially Doris. Horacio and Lolita can stay there until they find a place of their own. Lucio offers to let them stay at his place, but Horacio says they will find their own casita, no doubt cogitating about the irony of his sending this kind man’s beloved wife to a fiery death.

Horacio leaves and is met by, wait for it, The Tangel-Ho herself, lying in wait outside the door like a one-headed hydra. She asks him if his blood ran cold when she entered the church. He admits it did and he thanks her for not ratting him out. He makes a comment about her family leaving the pueblo and he wishes her a good trip. (Heh, he’s probably so glad she’s leaving town. He thinks!) “What are you talking about?” she demands. He says what her husband just told him, that the family is selling everything and leaving first thing in the morning.

Orangina busts into the den and asks to talk to Assgusto alone. She demands to know why he is selling his tierras and leaving the house. He reminds her that she has asked him many times to sell out and leave. She gripes about his plans for them, does he intend to sell everything, pay Alfonsina back and then leave them with nothing? He wants to clarify things for her. Tomorrow he and Elisa are leaving town, but without her.

Gael and Dam arrive at the rectory to look for Padre. There is a knock at the door. It’s Fina; she tells Dam she’ll come back later. “Mama! Come in because I’m going back to Elisa’s house anyway.” She makes a wisecrack about Don Ass yelling to the heavens if Dam goes there. BlabberGael breezes in and says things have changed. “Really?”, she says, “do you mind telling me what caused this so sudden change of attitude?” Dam tries to shut Gael up but Gael blabs that she’s going to find out anyway. “Find out what?” Gael says she’ll find out that Dam asked for Elisa’s hand in marriage and Don Ass is considering it. Cara impactada de Fina.

Avances: Damian renounces his inheritance, he only wishes he could renounce his last name. He finds out that Don A and Elisa plan to leave town and he tries to stop them. His little mouth goes into a perfect “O”.

Dicho of the Day:
Otra vez la burra al trigo = it’s the same old thing with you, you’re back to your old tricks (Lit. the female burro once again goes to the wheat)