El Talismán #92 Thu 6/7/12 Avocados & Abogados

Recap by Blue Lass

The Only Restaurant in Fresno:

We open on Pedro and Camila making Kissy-Kissy with a capital K in the middle of the restaurant. Between smooches, Pedro tries to get some info out of Camila, but she’s still making poor life decisions and won’t tell him anything. Meanwhile, Tony and Lu are over by the restrooms arguing about what happens next. If Pedro denounces me, Tony points out, I’ll go to jail and Camila will run right back to him – is that what you want? Lucrazy wants to know how she’s supposed to stop him, and Tony says – wait for it  – “I dunno, pretend you’re crazy or something.” Well, at least he didn’t ask her to pretend she was sane – that would have been hard.

Lu promises to think of something to distract him, but when they return to the table the Kissy-Kissy is still going on. Tony demands to know what’s going on, and Pedro just looks at Camila and utters a weighted, “I have made a mistake.” He grabs Lu and scarpers, leaving Tony in the rather awkward position of having to tell his wife that this is the last time, I mean it, the last time I want to see you kissing other men in public. Pathetic.

Apartamento María:

Elvira is still musing over Renato’s “offer.” I WANT and I NEED my own apartment, she says to herself. And that settles it, at least in her mind. When María walks in, her sister greets her marmot-style: “How much money you got?” María wisely declines this little investment opportunity. Elvira starts to build up steam.

María says that if Elvira doesn’t like living there with her, she needn’t worry; she’s going to be moving in with Manuel. Oh, and they’re getting married. OUT COME THE INCISORS. “You’re too old to get married! Do you want a man who slept with your sister? I will never allow you to be happy!” (Jeez, what happened to that nice promise to God? Do we need to give Armando a tumor now?) María stays admirably calm through the whole thing. That woman deserves a medal.

El Tal:

Pedro hauls Lucrazy into the house and tells everyone she’s alive and she’s his novia and whatever. Margarito is beyond confused and it sounds someone’s squeezing a peacock in the sala. Pedro gives Margo some over-the-top rolling-eye action and thought-bubbles to himself that Lu’s his ticket into El ‘Traz. Margo tells him he hopes he knows what he’s doing.

Lu certainly knows what she’s doing: getting naked in Pedro’s bed. Pedro tries to avoid the inevitable, but he can’t stop thinking that the only way to get to Camila is through Lucrezia. He pastes on a somewhat crazed wolf-leer and starts taking off his clothes…

Mercifully, we cut to commercial, and when we come back he’s lacing back up and looking grim. Lu tells him not to worry, it happens to all men sometimes. She still lurrrrrrves him and the important thing is that they’re together. He waits til she falls asleep and then sneaks out of the torture chamber. When she wakes up and finds him gone, she just starts babbling to herself about how she’s the Reina del Talismán and she has to get knocked up as soon as possible. (She does know there’s a crucial middle step, right? I’m never quite sure with her.)

The Only Under-18 Hot Spot in Fresno:

Angel is plying Flor with fro-yo, and it’s going well. He even gets her to make kissy-kissy with a small k. Doris walks in and demands to be introduced to her daughter’s “friend.” There’s some shuffling and blushing and Angel finally admits he’s Camila’s cousin. Surprisingly, Doris acknowledges that we are none of us responsible for the deeds of our relatives. Angel eagerly agrees but adds that Camila is a good egg – it’s Elvira they have to watch out for. Truer words were never spoken.

El ‘Traz:

The Pig wakes up from a terrible dream of Antonio spinning him around in a wheelchair and howling, “Are we having fun yet?” (Really? All that violence and depravity and that was the scariest thing he could think of?) Doris is there to calm him down. I have to get Antonio to largarse de mi rancho, he tells her – first thing tomorrow. She sweetly suggests he remind Antonio to take Camila with him when he leaves. Oh, and call me a lawyer, he says – I need to write a will. Doris looks pretty happy, for Doris.

There’s a knock on the door, and Doris goes to answer it – and comes back screaming. Lucrezia is back from the dead, with Pedro right behind her! The Pig is really, really, really, really, really pithed. I cried for you, he tells her – I cried for you! Clearly being caught crying is much worse than having a dead daughter. So, Pedro says, you’re dropping the charges, right? Well, DUH.

Around Town:

-        Manual mopes around the apartment looking at photo albums and getting all weepy-britches over Mariana.

-        Pancho refuses to rat out papa, while Tracy points out in an interesting bit of possible foreshadowing that she wouldn’t be surprised if the Pig found a way to pin Mariana’s murder on him.

-        Antonio tells Tracy and Alberta (who seems to have gotten into Doris’s makeup kit) that he and Camila are expecting. He refers to the baby as “Antonio Joon-Yair” and everybody looks nauseous.