El Talismán #98 Fri 6/15/12 Bodas and a BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG! (Complete)

Old sins cast long shadows. M Hercule Poirot

La Joint Boda de Sarita, Gabriel, Genoveva and Tomás:

Something besides a boda is up at El Tal.  There is “The Plan.”  The living room is all decorated, the guests are gathered.  Tracy has talked Panchito into taking her to the wedding and they arrive last.  She’s in a sharp looking aqua dress and he’s in a fancy Piggorio look-alike red shirt and blue jeans.  Antonio is also in blue jeans, Camila in a shiny beige off the shoulder, gathered front, tight fitting dress (no baby bump yet).  If Lucrazy weren’t crazy, she’d be a natural recruit for the next formal wear catalog from Talbot’s.  She looks gorgeous in her red, floor length, bosom-revealing gown.  A real knockout.  Pedro is tieless but not clueless.  There are whisperings and shifty looks among Pedro, Margarito, Antonio and Valentín.  Lucrazy is alert and watchful—she’s not going to let Pedro out of her sight.  Camila asks permission of Antonio if she can go up and see the brides.  Obviously Antonio would be embarrassed to say no in front of all these people, so he accedes to her request.  Once upstairs, Camila relaxes with her friends.  The brides know of “the plan” but wonder why Camila doesn't just call the police already.  Camila pins Sarita's hair and both she and Geno thank Camila profusely.  Downstairs, Pedro and Antonio engage in very small talk.  When is the sorpresa, asks Antonio.  Soon, answers Pedro.  Antonio suggests that maybe it’s time for Pedro to marry Lucrecia.  Padre talks to Pedro alone.  He must be in on “the plan,” too, since he warns Pedro to please act natural around Antonio so he doesn’t suspect anything.  Padre is ready to begin.

Upstairs, Camila starts out the door only to be surprised by Lucrecia, who came up to get some papers or something for the Padre.  She warns her to Stay Away from Pedro.  She knows Camila is still in love with Pedro and married or not, she’s a threat to her snagging Pedro, so Stay Away or Else.  Camila gives as well as she gets.  She tells Lulu to ask Pedro why he doesn’t love her.  It’s none of Camila’s business.  Sarita and Geno give a couple of good yanks to their very elegant strapless wedding gowns and touch up their hair with a special Suave product within reach and they are ready, too.  They leave the can of spray stuff on the bureau for a camera close-up and exit.  Pedro comes up to escort the brides down.  He’ll be walking Sarita up to Gabe and Geno’s father (we guess) is doing the honors for her.  Tracy is crying the hardest.  Panchito apparently told her that if he had a ring on him right now, he’d ask her to be his novia.  She’s in heaven dreaming of her own boda now.  Lucrazy is daydreaming of her wedding day to Pedro.  Pachelbel’s Canon accompanies the brides.  This is a double wedding and both brides are beautiful.  Gabe is definitely in love with his bride.  No buyer’s remorse here after all.  Tomás tries to take a peek down Geno’s décolletage as she recites her vows.  No buyer’s remorse here either.  The vows go on without incident and they are pronounced husbands and wives.  Everyone claps as the couples get to kiss.  Now it’s time to paaaarty.  Champagne flows.

O.M.Gawd, a new character shows up!  On the last day?!  She must have won the drawing to be an extra at the wedding with a few lines of dialog from among the thousands of entries.  It’s Carmen.  Sarita does her excited mouse squeak.  Carmen hugs the Padre, so she must be a graduated orphan.

Antonio and Pedro cross paths again.  Antonio clues Pedro in that he knows the baby Camila is expecting is Pedro’s, but it won’t do Pedro any good because as her husband, he’ll claim the child as his.  He’s planning on taking Camila far away to raise the child together.  With a sly look on his face, Pedro clues Antonio in that that is why there are such things as DNA tests.  Antonio says, ha-ha, you’ll have to find her first (Antonio is quite delusional, no?  He wanted El Alca all for himself, yet he’s going to move away so Pedro can’t order a DNA test on him.  Hmmm.)

In Piggorio’s Gloomy Room-1:

The Pig is in bed, hog-tied (sort of) and in comes Lucas.  The Pig doesn't speak or move, but says Dios Mio in his head. He can't believe Lucas is there. Lucas sees he’s still alive, Oh, Happy Day (not really).  Lucas and Doris gloat over his condition and discuss their plans for him as if he couldn’t hear them, while of course wanting him to hear it all.  Doris can't wait to be Mrs. Pig Negrete and all that entails. She tells Lucas she wants a legal marriage license now, not a fake one.  After The Pig is gone, Antonio might check the documents and discover they are fake.  She doesn’t want to risk it.  The drawback is, that paralyzed he cannot sign the marriage license.  Lucas can arrange that but brings up payment.  It’s going to cost her a million dollars, chump change for what this rancho is worth.  Doris’ head is swimming with dollars, once she is married to Piggorio, of course.  No prob—they call Jaime, Doc-Not, who happens to be visiting Rita and Rennie.  The conspirators tell Jaime they need something to reverse the paralysis, even if it’s temporary, so he can sign stuff and say Acepto.  Jaime says he can lower the dose temporarily so the Pig is able to move and speak, and then up the dose and he'll be dead in days.  Jaime says he’ll be right over.

Elvira Moves Out of María’s Place:

Armando and Elvira apparently were not invited to the wedding, so they are together at María’s.  She’s musing about her own, very own, new apartment.  Army is, say what??  Yes, she’s got Rennie’s apartment.  All she has to do is pay off a couple of months left on the mortgage with money she’s going to get from Antonio.  Her son does not believe she’s back to trusting that Rennie nor going to get money from the Ant.  Elvira swears that this time it will be different, there’s no reason for Rennie to try to cheat her since he’s leaving for Florida today and the Ant has already promised the money.  Elviral invites Army to come live with her, but he’d rather stay where he is.  He’s sure Rennie is deceiving her.  No, no absolutely not, Elvira replies, she’s checked it out and it seems to check out (honey what exactly did you check out, tell us).  If he wants to stay at María’s, that’s his business, she’s going to go pack.  Elvirus is now ready to roll and her parting conversation doesn’t go well.  She tells Army he’s so ungrateful.  He reminds her that if it weren’t for Tía and Angel, who knows what would have become of them.  ElVirulent thinks he’s exaggerating.  She warns her son that Angel could run him off any time.  He only used you to get to Florencia Negrete.  Cara impactada.

Army lays it on hard.  He says she’s been everything *except* a mother.  The lady protests that all she ever did was give him her love, helped him become a man, have him help her—his mother—and his sister Camila.  He tells her not to bring Camila into this conversation.  Hasn’t she realized yet, that of all the things she did to her family, the worst was that she ruined Camila’s life?  For that he will never forgive her.  She can’t believe that her children didn’t value everything she did for them.  SLAM goes the door.  Elvira is so outta there with her little red suitcase.

M&M visit El Capitán:

Manuel and María have arrived together at the police station to ask El Capitán how the investigation into Mariana’s murder is going.  Well, El Capo says it’s still on-going.  Manuel is not convinced they’re doing enough.  It’s not right to set aside the death of an innocent woman.  El Capo is a little offended.  He has no intention of setting the investigation aside.  The deed will not go unpunished.  They tried to get a statement from Don Gregorio, but unfortunately, he’s ill and couldn’t do it.  Manuel doesn’t believe a word of that.  El Capo assures him it’s true.  He has suffered an embolia (we keep thinking they are calling it an imbroglio—how fitting) and can’t speak—and as a doctor, Manuel should know what that involves.  Manuel is cara impactada.

R&R Vacate To Vacation in FL:

On cue, Jaime arrives at Rita and Rennie’s to see their bags are packed, ready to leave on a jet plane.  But first, Renato wants his share of the money Antonio is going to pay them.  He can’t, he hasn’t been paid yet, but promises to send the money to Rennie (says one grifter to another).  Rennie says he’ll be in touch and send him his contact information.  He and Rita want to be kept informed on what’s going on with the Negretes—there’s a lot of money in play—oh, and include the bank account number where he’s depositing the check.  Jaime gets the phone call from Lucas and skedaddles.  As Rita and Rennie head for the door, Elvira shows up, pithed because they were supposed to have been long gone.  Renato tells her off—she’s the worst thing that ever happened to him in his life.  ‘Til Never, Elvira.  The two make it to the airport and through security (we bet the TSA guys fought over who would give Rita a pat down) and are waiting for their flight to Florida, (land of moneyed widows).  They chuckle over what Elvira will discover about the apartment. 

In Piggorio’s Gloomy Room-2:

Doris and Lucas are now snuggling on the bed, right in front of the Pig. Lucas has his arm around Doris and they are just rubbing it in to the Pig. The Pig doesn't move, just stares at them, and swears venganza.  The drug Jaime has promised might not take effect until night time and Doris is concerned about Antonio, Camila and Florencia being in the house.  She’ll take a chance, though.  Jaime finally arrives with the poison-reversal dosage; he can’t just pick it up at the corner drugstore, don’tcha know.  Oh, and who, btw, is going to pay him?  Doris will—after she inherits the place (and Jaime is apparently ok with this).  Jaime says by this evening the Pig will be able to move. Piggorio is now pretending to be asleep.  Lucas makes Jaime stay with the Pig.  Doris can’t be expected to watch him all by herself.  He is to call Lucas as soon as he gets some speech and movement back, capish?   Doris is like finally she will be the Dueña of Alcatrash.  She has a strange gleam in her eyes, and throws her arms open wide, bwwwhhhhhaaa.

“The Plan”:

Festivities at the boda are on high.  Pedro slips away; Margarito starts moving toward the exit;  Antonio and Valentín are alerted; Camila looks suspicious; Lucrecia starts to follow Pedro, but Antonio stops her and brings her back telling her to keep an eye on Camila and for no reason let her leave the house.  He’s going to see where Pedro went—and no, don’t worry, he’s not going to do anything to Pedro.  Val delays Margo from leaving by saying, long time, no see, amigo, why not have a trago together.  Margo declines. 

Pedro is racing across the lawn toward El Alcatrash, Margarito chases after him.  Margaro thinks he’s nuts to do this alone.  Pedro says he has to.  Margaro returns to the reception and tells Lulu that Pedro went to get more champagne.  Pedro makes into Val’s office, separate from the main building and gets down to business.  He forces the cabinet door open, where he is sure the vials are and holds them up in triumph.  Oh, oh, here comes Antonio through the door behind Pedro.  What have we here, he says, caught with the hands in the dough.  Antonio is so sorry to have found him because he’ll have to shoot him for trespassing.  The d*ck-head delays long enough for Pedro to go off before the gun goes off.  The flasks break.  Pedro trashes the office and taunts Antonio to shoot already.  Ooops, he does (we could have sworn the “sorpresa” was to put blanks in the gun beforehand).  Pedro goes down face first.  Mama Mia, he’s Muerto—at least that’s what Antonio thinks.  He doesn’t even kick him or turn him over—bad job, dude.  Fortunately for Camila, the shot was to the shoulder and not in his avocados.

Flor and Angel have sneaked back to El Alca because daddy’s not home and mommy doesn’t care, to smooch in the hallway (come on Angel, find an empty room.) They hear the shot ring out and go to see what happened.  Doris also hears the shot and wonders what it was.  She tells Flor sadly that sooner or later her daddy is going to go to jail.  Cara impactada de Flor.

Antonio is outta there.  Running back across the lawn towards El Tal, he shoots Margaro, on his way to see what happened.  He’s fatally shot (not quite) in the stomach.  Bleeding profusely, he knows he bought the farm.  But wait, here comes Pedro, holding his shoulder to kneel and cradle Margaro.  After some anguished pleading not to die, Pedro manages to pull out his cell phone and calls for an ambulance.  He leaves Margaro and heads toward the reception.

Not “The Plan”:

The wedding reception is in full swing, when Ooops, Antonio shows up out of nowhere and grabs Camila around the neck, from behind and points the gun at the guests—Hostage Situation—Call 911.  Antonio says nobody move or he’ll shoot Camila.  His demented self is blathering on about loving Camila more than anyone else at the wedding—waving his gun around.  He adores her; she’s his wife; she *HAS* to love him.  Antonio would rather have her dead than with that indio.  He turns to her in her panic and instructs her that she’s going to *learn* to love him (he repeats this endlessly for the next 35 min or so, so we will not repeat it again).  Camila screams, “Suélteme,”  she’s not going anywhere with him.  He doesn’t obey but starts screaming for the keys to the truck—where are the keys to the truck—gimmie the keys or I’ll start shooting everybody.  Lucrecia wants to know where Pedro is.  With a maniacal grin he says Pedro is Muerto.  Lucrazy lunges at him, but the folks hold her back.  Tomás tries to reason with Antonio.  Tranquilo, hombre, Camila is his wife, she’ll do what he wants, she’ll go with him.  Camila is still screaming she doesn’t love him, never will.  Gabriel finally hands over the keys.

Kidnapping in Progress:

The only way Antonio has to keep Camila from jumping out the other side of the truck is to knock her out cold.  Antonio is outta there.  Pedro comes running and tries to get into the back of the truck, but it’s weaving madly and he gets dropped by the side of the driveway.

Antonio and Camila are holed up in what looks like a hotel room.  Brilliant idea, since it’s The Only Hotel Inn™ Fresno.  Camila is bleeding from the forehead and Antonio is lovingly applying cotton balls (what his are made of) to staunch the bleeding.  He says he’s still willing to forgive her.  All she has to do is fall in love with him; that’s all. Camila is agitated, the only one she’ll ever love until she dies is PEDRO.  The Giant Beltbuckle starts to get rough with her, Pedro is Muerto; she’s in love with a dead man.  Doesn’t she realize all that he could have given her, if she had just loved him?  Camila wants him to let her go.  He can’t.  All he ever wanted was a happy family like any other normal couple, but no, just look at how she paid him. It’s Camila’s fault that he turned into this (we say, who writes this stuff anyway).

Antonio tries to feed Camila soup.  She refuses.  He appeals to her maternal feelings; do it for your baby.  He cares for the child as if it were going to be his own.  Cam says her child needs nothing from him.  She screams at his fantasy of having a perfect family with her.  Antonio tries again to get her to have some soup.  She throws the dish full soup at him.

Antonio has trussed up and gagged Camila.  He’s pulled the curtains.  He’s cleaned up the soup from his face (Damn Aaron looks fine with his HAIR unglued, falling across his forehead in dark and curly locks.  What a hunk.  If he’d looked like this when he first met Camila, she’d surely have fallen for him instead of Pedro.  Then we’d have had an entirely different telenovela titled, El Alcatraz.  Too late, that yacht has left the dock.)  Antonio is still singing the same old song about how happy they would be with her at his side, with this baby and all the other children they will have.  Camila is crying through her gag while he shakes her.  He would have given her everything, what more does she want?

Miraculous Recoveries in Progress:

Pedro is ok.  He’s at the hospital recovering with a sling around his arm and wearing a traditional white hospital nighty.  Dr. Raúl is leaning over him.  They were able to get to Margaro in time and he’s in serious condition, but will probably recover.  Pedro struggles with the Doc to get out of there and go after Camila.  Doc tells him that no one knows where they are, but the police are looking for them everywhere.  Padre comes in next, but isn’t very hopeful.  El Capitán is next, but is very hopeful.  All exits are covered, highways, airports, even other states have been alerted, but so far, no sign of them.  Pedro just can’t sit there with his brazos cruzados while Camila is out there.  El Capo understands how he feels, but even if Pedro knew where they were, how would he resolve the situation by himself. 

Santiago is praying over a comatose Margaro telling him that even though he wasn’t his real father, he’s always been good to him and Margaro can’t leave him. >>FF (this was the only one, can you believe it.)

Now it’s Lulu who comes to the hospital to see Pedro.  She complains that she had to throw a tantrum to get in, Mi Amor.  The reason, he replies, is that he didn’t want to see her and left instructions not to let her in.  He finally gets his avocados back and tells her to get lost.  He never cared for her.  Lulu is crushed.  He goes on—all she ever did was pressure him and that’s not how things are done.  Lulu reminds him that he promised that if she changed, they’d have a chance.  Wait a min there, he yells over top, how can she say she loves someone she’s harmed so much.  With that he dismisses her with a Lárgate, pero ya, Vete.  Pedro has veted himself out of the hospital and hops in La Viejita with Gabriel at the wheel.

Val Gets Grilled:

El Capitán has him at the station.  He wants to know where Antonio has taken Camila.  Valentín swears he knows nothing.  He only saw what everyone else did at the reception.  And no, the Beltbuckle never told him what the plan was, although he told him there was a plan.  Like the disappearance of Mariana, maybe, aims El Capo.  Val wants to know what does one have to do with the other.  Antonio told him to go to the wedding, even though he didn’t want to.  Whirling around and what about the explosion near the airport, El Capo tries again to trip him up.  Val says No, No, No.  Careful bud, says the captain, they have plenty of information on him and the Negretes, but not sufficient proof, or not sufficient enough proof to prosecute.

In Piggorio’s Gloomy Room-3:

The Pig is still in bed, but not letting anyone know he can now move and speak. The Pig wants Panchito.  Back from the wedding, Panchito comes in, just as if he heard his Papa Pig with ESP. Jaime leaves Panchito while he goes to get something to eat. As soon as Jaime is gone the Pig says he can move his arms and hands. He doesn't want Panchito to say anything, he just wants Panchito to listen. He tells him to go get a notary, move it, go, and don't let anyone see him and tell no one.

Lucas comes back and says oh, still alive.  He tells him that if he signs on the dotted line, he’ll have a painless death.  Doris comes in with the Judge. The Judge says, oh, so sorry you are sick. The Judge asks the Pig if he is voluntarily marrying Doris and The Pig says sí.  Ah, Mi Amor now they can get married, Oh, Happy Day.  The ceremony is short and sweet (not really). The Pig signs and now Doris is la Sra. Doris de Negrete de Negrete, Queen of El Alcatrash!! Finally, bwaaaahhhhhaaa. Lucas has a sh*t eating grin on his face. Doris and the Judge leave and Lucas tells the Pig, too bad he has to die.  Well, everyone has to die.  It was all a matter of business, nothing personal. The Pig tells Lucas to enjoy Doris while he can.  Don Gregorio tells himself to hang on until the notary arrives.

Panchito has brought the notary to Alcatrash. He tells the notary to be quiet and follow him, and don't let anyone see him. Doris and Lucas are coming out of The Pig's room, and Panchito has to quick, pull the notary into an adjacent room so no one will see them. They are hiding out, as Lucas and Doris are happily counting their chickens before they hatch, so to speak.  Lucas is sooo happy he wants to get en flagrante with Doris asap. Doris is like here at Altrash, why not it’ll be hers soon.  The Pig is wondering why it is taking Panchito and the notary so long to get there. Jaime is with the Pig and tells him business is business.  In a little while he'll be already to go to the grave. Doris has brought Flor in to say goodbye.  Flor is just so upset. She sits on her Granpa Pig's bed and cries and says she’s so sorry for all the bad she and Fabi did. She is crying and kissing his cheek. The Pig is thinking he's sorry he won't be around for Flor and is apologizing in his head to her.

El Presidente Arrives in Fresno:

Amid all the commotion in various parts of Fresno and its environs, President Obama has arrived to deliver an important speech.  From the steps of The Only White House Inn™Fresno, he announces that he’s personally suspending the deportation of young people under 30 now who were brought to the U.S. by undocumented parents under the age of 16.  Bravo.  Santiago is safe from ICE.

Elvira Moves Into Rennie’s Place:

Elvira is luxuriating in her new, very own pad.  She looks so happy and self-satisfied (and so alone).  She grabs a coffee and the remote, turns on the tv just in time to hear that Flight 666 from Fresno just exploded in mid-air.  No survivors.  (Tell us that this isn’t lame.  They copied Doña Bernarda de Iturbide in Triunfo de Amor, letra por letra—poor innocent victims, we said, and viewerville didn’t get to see her suffer.)  Elvira’s stunned.  But, Elvira just picks herself up, dusts herself off and starts trying again.  She goes to a lawyer, probate, no doubt.  She’s dressed in appropriately in black.  No her late husband had no family, except a..a..a..niece, but she died in the same crash.  Well, the helpful lawyer will check the records to see if it was in Renato’s name and if everything is in order, the apartment is hers.  She mentions the mortgage.  He sees no problem if she continues to make the payments.  Elvira is relieved since there are only a couple of months left to pay.

Rescue in Progress:

Antonio is pleading with Camila, if she had only loved him, they could have been enjoying life.  As it is, they have to flee and he’ll lose everything he had.  Camila is still gagged so no one can tell what she’s trying to say.  The Beltbuckle finally loosens and removes the gag.  Camila whimpers, please, let her go.  The BB says no, they can ever be separated.  She *is* going to fall in love with him, understand (we know, we promised, but this is absolutely the last time we say it).

Camila pretends to be asleep on the bed with The Ant, him with the gun still in his hand. She moves slowly, takes the cell phone and calls 911.  At that point he wakes up and Camila provokes a fight.  He doesn't know the cell call actually went thru and the police at the station track down his location.  They call El Capitán who is with Pedro and Padre at the hospital and tell him that the call originated from The Only Hotel Inn™ Fresno.  El Capo marshals his forces and stakes out the hotel.  He is sure this must be where Antonio has sequestered Camila since the truck he was driving was found nearby.  Detective Hawt comes running up to tell the Capo that they are in Room 24.  (Eww – we are so over our crush on Hawt Detective.  Did you see him run?  We might give him a break, this is a critical situation.)  They plan the assault.  They turn to see Pedro hopping out of La Viejita.  El Capo shakes his head, just what they needed, eh?  What on earth is he doing here, he asks Pedro.  He needs to leave and not interfere.  Gabriel is ok with leaving, but Pedro insists on staying.  So they put Pedro in the back of a patrol car (no cuffs and the window is down—tsk, tsk, bad police procedure; someone will need to take a refresher course).

Inside Room 24, Antonio is telling Camila what they will have to do to evade discovery.  They’ll have to leave at night to minimize the risks.  Camila looks miserable.  All of a sudden, they hear, “Antonio Negrete—we have you surrounded.”  Said Antonio goes NUTS.  The gorgeous bandito puts a gun to Camila’s head and inches her toward the door.  Pedro goes NUTS on seeing Camila in danger and he’s still in the patrol car.  When nobody is looking, he reaches through the open window and lets himself out.

Obviously Antonio has not planned far enough ahead.  He abandoned the truck, so all he can do is stand there, gun to Camila’s head.  El Capitán, man of action, waits for no (other) man.  He takes the first shot and gets The Belt in the leg.  How he managed to miss Camila is a wonder in sharpshooting.  The Belt keeps shouting, Es Mía, Es Mi Esposa, but lets go of Camila and she drops to the ground.  A cop runs to her.  The Belt starts firing at the cops and he goes down in a hail of bullets. (Aaron, honey, you can die on our front steps anytime; you are a pro—best dying scene in a long time.)  Freed from the patrol car, Pedro rushes to embrace an hysterical Camila, while in the background, they can hear Antonio calling her name as he dies.  Pedro and Camila cry emotionally in each others arms hugging and kissing at their good fortune.

In Piggorio’s Gloomy Room-4:

 

Enrique, the Notary, an old friend of the Pig's enters and the Pig tells Panchito to guard the door from the outside while the Pig has a conference with Enrique. After Panchito leaves, Pig tells him this is the last job he'll ever have to do for him and to listen well and to do exactly as he says.

Now Jaime is alone with the Pig and Panchito has come back in. He tells Panchito he is in charge and Panchito asks his Papa how he is? Jaime just laughs and says oh, this is HIS Papa. He leaves. As soon as Jaime leaves, the Pig talks to Panchito and tells him to listen, just listen cause it's important. To the infernal strains of a Devil’s Chorus, he tells him his legal name now is Francisco Negrete.  Just then Lucrazy bursts in, interrupting a sweet father-son moment to ask him to forgive her for all she has done.  She is crying and he puts his arm around her. She needs his help you see, to get Pedro back. (Look Lulu, Papa is dying, he can't help, jus' sayin'). He just holds her as she cries.  Doris and Jaime come back in.  Doris drags Lucrazy away from Papa Pig and exit while Jaime examines the Pig and says his heart is very weak, and will give out soon. Panchito wants to know really, how is his condition and Jaime tells him, his organs are failing, his mind soon will too, and he doesn't have long. Panchito is extremely upset, he wants Jaime to help the Pig, do something. He tells Panchito he is sorry.

Ding Dong the Bell Tolled for Thee:

Alberta has just heard about The Beltbuckle’s rusty end and is telling Doris.  For some reason, it’s Tracy that will relate the news to El Piggorio and Panchito.  Panchito is so upset he is a little rude to Tracy because he’s trying to get Jaime to do something for his father. Tracy has come to tell them something, but Panchito doesn't want to listen.  Finally she yells out that the Beltbuckle is dead!  Just then The Pig yells at Jaime, "doctor," takes his arm out from under the covers, points the gun he had in his hand at Jaime and tells him this is for Antonio and shoots him dead,  right in front of Panchito and Tracy. Panchito has the deer in the headlights "luke" and is shocked, but the Pig isn't done yet. The Pig now says, he ain't waitin for no death, he’s coming for it, raises the pistol and shoots........

We interrupt the scene with this well known little ditty, from the Wizard of Oz:

Ding Dong the Pig is Dead

Shot himself in the head

Ding Dong the Wicked Pig is dead.

Sing it high, sing it low

Ding Dong the Wicked Pig is Dead

Un Mes and/or Mess Después:

1) The happy newlyweds are having a picnic at El Tal.  On the menu is Domino’s Pizza, delivered.  They are certainly enjoying the pizza.  It shows.  Geno and Tomás announce they are staying in Fresno.  It’s a great place to start a family—no, no, they aren’t expecting, yet.  Sarita and Gabe are thrilled and Gabe actually starts talking about a family-starting business, but not just yet.  Sarita still owes him several more stories (like Saucy Red Riding Hood / Big Bad Wolf).

2) Camila is with Armando and Angel at María’s cum Angel’s apartment.  She’s finally getting her interrupted civil ceremony tomorrow in order to be married to Pedro every which way she can.  But wait, the doorbell rings, No Puede Ser, it Elvira wanting to talk to Camila—Alone.  Did she hear correctly?  She’s marrying Pedro?  Camila reminds her she’s actually already married to Pedro, doesn’t she understand that?  Camila doesn’t want to argue; she loves her mother, wants her to be happy, but please leave her in peace.  Elvira won’t quit while she’s not ahead.  She tells Camila that someday she’ll know who Pedro really is and predicts that Camila will come crying back to her and she’ll be there to console her because Pedro is not the right man for her (for pity sakes, woman, leave it alone; get a life; start with anti-sour grape shots and stop spreading unwanted germs).  Camila carefully considers what to say to her mother.  She decides that Elvira is a lost cause, a lost soul, so with a minimum of sarcasm says, great, she’ll call her.

3) Pancho and Tracy are in the El Alca kitchen chatting.  Pancho gets all mooney and romantic and Tracy gets her ring and a marriage proposal.  He doesn’t want to wait.  He wants to leave because he knows Doris will inherit everything as Don Gregorio’s widow.

4) Dr. Raúl tells Camila and Pedro that they are going to be the parents of a baby girl.  They are overjoyed and yes, they are going to name her Mariana.

5) Doris breaks the news to a zoned-out Lucrecia that she’s off to the manicomio today, right after they read the will.  Lucrecia is sad because if she’s locked in a manicomio, Pedro won’t be able to find her when he comes for her.  Doris says foggeddaboudit, she doesn’t want any loquitas in *her* house.  Next she goes to the household help and tells them she’s letting them go and they should be prepared to leave immediately after the will is read.  They are useless and she has no need of them any longer.

6) Here comes Enrique the Notary to read El Piggorio’s will.  Doris can hardly contain her excitement.  She knows Don G left everything to her, so chop, chop, get with the program, it can’t be very long.  Enrique tells her she’s quite correct, it’s comprised of few lines.  She listens as he begins, “I, Gregorio Negrete, being of sound mind and body…” and urges him to get to the good part “….leave everything to the most loyal person in my family—as long as that person keeps the household staff on, treats them well, pays them well, takes care of my granddaughters and my only daughter, Lucrecia.”  To Doris, he leaves the thing she wanted the most—his love, bwwwwaaaahhhhhhaaaa.  His heir is to be Francisco Gomez, aka Pancho, Negrete, his son.  Doris has a cara impactada, especially when she hears the codicil that she’s the one who has to, Wait For It, LARGATE DE MI RANCHO immediately.  (That's what you get for aiding and abetting, just sayin'.)

7) The last that is seen of Doris, she is over at Ho-House crying to Brigitte who takes pity on her.  Life must go on, is her philosophy, as she hands her a glitter mask, saying, “Catherine is back.”   At least Doris *has* a steady job (for which she should be grateful, in this economy, just sayin’).

8) Panchito observes Looney Lu imagining Pedro at her side.  Panchito gently tells her not to worry, he’s found a way to help her.  Instead of wringing his hands, he’s been wringing his hat, which is now in shreds.  Looney Lu is to start treatments tomorrow.  Lu just looks straight ahead murmuring that she knows Pedro can’t live without her and he’ll come for her.

Días Después:

Armando comes to Elvira’s new, very own, apartment to say goodbye.  Right after Camila’s wedding ceremony, he’s leaving for Canada.  He leaves Elvira on a sad note.  Then she hears a knock on the door and thinks it’s Army coming back to her.  A bunch of men are standing there.  They are the repo men along with an official with an eviction notice.  But, it’s MIO, she only owes another month to pay off the mortgage.  Señora, the note on this apartment hasn’t been paid for two years.  He instructs the repo men to start clearing the place.  Renato got the last laugh.

La Extra Final Final No More Bodas At El Tal:

The radiant couple descends the carpeted stairway (Whew!! Camila made it all the way down without falling.  Good omen.)  The Aceptos are accepted by the Judge and that’s it.  Smiles and kisses, more smiles (of relief we would say) more kisses, a little speech from Pedro on how sick and tired he got after all the drama, but en fin, there is a big POR FIN.  SE ACABO!

Post Script

BOOM!  Flight 666 explodes in the air.  No survivors.  Tiger print fabric cascades to the ground (in our imagination).  RIP Rita and Rennie.  You both offered the viewing audience (all 8 of us) some awesome crotch shots.

Answers to the Match the Quotes Game:

1.  Elvira - Todo esto es MIO

2.  El Capitán - Te tenemos rodeado

3.  Valentín - No se nada

4.  Renato - Hasta Nunca, Elvira

5.  Camila - Dejame en PAZ

6.  Lucrecia - Mi AMOR

7.  Antonio - Dame las llaves del camion

8.  Rita - No seas tonto con nuestro dinero

9.  Jaime - Business is Business

10. Dr. Raúl - Va a ser una Niña

End of Final Recap - co-authored by Anita, Madelaine and Rosemary La Otra, additional tweaking and posting by Blue Lass.