Abismo de pasion #92 7/20/12: Poor Little Rich Boy Happy to Know that He's Not a Pervert At Last AKA He Won't Need to Be Neutered Afterall

Alternative Titles

• The Mean Muggers Strike Back
• "Florencia" Takes A Pregnancy Test, But Florencia Won't Know if She's Fake Pregnant For Certain Until "Florencia's" Results Are In
• Padre Lupe Goes A Gossiping

Butcher Shop With barely a whisper, Padre Lupe encourages Horacio to tell him the details of the Don Agosto’s death.  Horacio tells him that he only knows what everyone else knows.  Don Agosto committed suicide.  Liar!  Padre tells Horacio that he knows that he was with Carmina when Don Agosto died.  Horacio agrees, but denies that they were anywhere near the house.  Padre tells Horacio that he knows that he has reasons to cover for her.  I want to change and be a good man for my wife, says Horacio.  Padre is not buying it and switches tactics.  He tries using his RIGHTEOUS VOICE OF DOOM!  Padre tells Horacio that he had the opportunity to confess his sins, but didn’t.  Horacio says that just one of his sins would have collapsed the Padre’s eardrums and if he had confessed them, Padre would have never allowed Dolores marry him. 

Hospital Vincente’s Room Vincente sleeps.  His mother, sitting at his bedside, watches over him.  Braulio enters the room.  Tonia is concerned that Dr. Tovar hasn’t arrived yet.  Braulio informs Tonia that Agosto killed himself and Dr. Tovar is at the funeral with his family.  Tonia is shocked.  She’s upset that the Braulio was at the funeral rather than being there with her and their son.  Vincente no es me hijo, says Braulio.  He asks if Gabby arrived.  She doesn’t want anything from Gabby.  It hurts her that Vincente has been asking for Gabby.   Braulio says that Vincente needs a kidney and Gabby would be the best one to give it since he’s his real father.   Tonia wants to explain how she became pregnant by Gabby and married to Braulio.  Braulio doesn’t want to hear it right now.  I do!  Shut up and let her talk!  They will sit down together and talk later.  Vincente continues to sleep like an angel as his parent argues with his his…Braulio.  Braulio leaves the room. 

Butcher Shop After it becomes obvious that the RIGHTEOUS VOICE OF DOOM is annoying and ineffective, Padre Lupe returns to his tried and true guilt-inducing whispery voice.   Horacio simply gazes off into the darkness and considers turning on the lights in the butcher shop.  I’d appreciate the illumination so that I could see their faces better, but then the scene wouldn’t be as intense.  Padre tells Horacio the church doors are always open to him.  If Horacio is serious about being a good man, he will have to answer to the laws of both God and man.  The weight of his sin will destroy his life.  Padre brings out the big artillery and says that it hurts him that Horacio has/will destroy Dolores’ life as well.   Finally, Horacio cracks.  The love that I feel for her is sincere, he says.  He swears that he loves her more than his whole life.  Padre seizes the opportunity to take advantage of Horacio’s vulnerability.  He mentally reviews other voices that might assist him in extracting a solid confession from this degenerate.  Eureka!  He’s got it!  Lupe grabs a nearby USMC Drill Instructor cover (hat), runs over to Horacio and screams in his face!  PROVE YOUR LOVE FOR LO LI TA!  YOU WILL CONFESS YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS AND YOU WILL CONFESS ALL OF YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS AND YOU WILL CONFESS THEM NOW, RECRUIT!  Surprisingly, this doesn’t work either.  Horacio remains stone-faced (I think.  I wish someone would flip on the light switch).  Padre considers testing his soul-searching Kermit the Frog voice, but immediately decides against it.   

Casa de Castanon Living Room Darn it!  It’s immediately after the funeral.  This means that Elisa is going to be doing a whole lot or crying and require a whole lot of comforting.  Dolores slowly leads Elisa over to the couch as Lucio and Carmina trail closely behind them.  Carmina thanks Lucio for everything.  It was the least he could do, he says.  If they need anything else, they know where to find him.  Lucio asks Dolores where her husband is.  He went to open the shop and Padre went with him.   Carmina looks nervous.  Elisa is listlessly leaning against Delores.  Lucio comes over and gives Elisa a parting kiss.  He asks Dolores to make sure Elisa gets some rest.  Elisa tearfully asks Lucio why her father wasn’t buried next to her mother.  Carmina answers for Don Lucio:  Agosto thought that yo momma was a low down dirty hooooahhhh (Oh! Snap!  I think dems fighting words).  He would have never permitted it.   I buried him next to his son, says Carmina.  As Carmina continues speaking, Elisa becomes angrier and angrier.  Did this hooka just say something about my momma?   Don Lucio sprints from the room.  Dolores, diffuses the near-conflict by grabbing Elisa’s shoulders and escorting her from the room.  Elisa mean-mugs Carmina on the way out.  Elisa can barely walk from the grief and has to hold on to the door knob.  Dolores says that she call Dr. Tovar and ask him to check on Elisa.  Carmina rolls her eyes.   

Hospital Lobby Bruised, Gabby taps Braulio on the shoulder.  I’m here.  Braulio didn’t think he’d show.  Gabby continues to deny paternity, but says only there cuz he’s got two kidneys.   If Vincente needs one to save his life, then that’s what he came for.  Dr. Tovar, dressed in scrubs, enters the hallway.  Braulio tells him to perform a test on Gabby to see if he’s compatible.  Dr. Tovar tells Braulio that they don’t have time for that.  Vincente has already been prepped for surgery.    For a split second, Braulio gets excited and thinks that Vincente is his son after all.  No, sorry, says the doc, you are still not Vincente’s daddy, but great news!  Tonia is compatible; she will give up her kidney.   Dr. Tovar wants Braulio to sign some documents.  Braulio says that he isn’t going to sign anything.  He insists that the doctor test Gabby.  He wasn’t aware that Tonia was going to give up her kidney.  He looks at Gabby.  I’ll rip that sucker out of him right now!  The doctor repeats that they don’t have time for this and repeats that Braulio will need to sign the papers.  The doctor walks off.  A nurse brings Braulio some documents to sign.  Braulio multi-tasks by both signing the form and mean-muggging Gabby at the same time.  Gabby uncomfortably backs closer to the wall. 

Casa de Arango Alfonsina’s Bedroom  Florencia sits on the couch while Alfonsina nervously paces behind her.  Florencia is upset that Damien didn’t even turn back to look at her once he was aware of Agosto’s death.  She complains to his mother that he just headed for the door to comfort Elisa, Alfonsina sits down on the couch and Florencia immediately stands up and begins pacing.  Alfonsina tells her not to worry, Elisa is no longer her rival since she’s Dam’s sister.  Florencia wants to know if they are certain that Elisa is Rosendo’s child.  Alfonsina says it’s possible since her husband was a Rolling Stone and where ever he laid his hat was his home. (Temptations Sing!  And when he died, all he left us was alone with several million dollars, a profitable business and a sprawling hacienda with servants).   Florencia is not satisfied knowing that it is “possible”.  She wants to know for sure.  She sits down beside Alfonsina.  Alfonsina tells Florencia to calm down; Damien believing that Elisa is his sibling will work in their favor.  Florencia wants to make sure that Dam Fine never thinks of returning to Elisa (Good luck with that, sweetie!).   Florencia tells Alfonsina that she wants to travel to Merida for wedding decorations and a pregnancy test.   Alfonsina is simply giddy that her choice of scented candles and Barry White music contributed towards her inebriated son’s possible conception of her grandchild.  They two women embrace. 

Merida Clinic SSSSSssssssPaolo and Sabrina are at the clinic arguing. His big surprise in Merida was to get her a pregnancy test.  You don’t believe that I’m knocked up, Paolo?  He says that he doesn’t trust home tests.  He wants her to take a blood test under Florencia’s name.  Once he’s certain that she’s carrying his son, he’ll speak to her parents about marrying her.  She insists that she is pregnant.  Sabrina doesn’t want to take the test because she can’t stand the sight of blood and hates needles.  Paolo asks her to do it for him.  She agrees and tells him that her father has connections in Merida; he might find out.   Paolo reminds her that if she takes the rabbit test under Florencia’s name; her father won’t find out.  He tells her that if she doesn’t take the test and prove that she’s pregnant, he won’t talk to her parents.  They walk over to the counter.  He introduces Sabrina as Florencia Landucci, his niece.  Sabrina stands by quietly.  She’s deserves a category all by herself on the Dumb Chick List.  Make room for the Incredibly Stupid section.  

Casa de Arango Alfonsina’s Bedroom Florencia tells Alfonsina not to get so excited.  Her Aunt Flo is only a couple days late, so she may not be preggers.  Right now, she merely suspects that she’s fake knocked up (she can’t be sure until Incredibly Stupid pops positive and she has the results in her pretty little hands).  Alfonsina suggest that she do a home test.  Florencia says that blood tests are better.  This way both Alfonsina and Damien can be absolutely positive that she’s with child.  Alfonsina agrees.  Florencia asks if she would like to go with her, Alfonsina says she can’t cuz she’s got stuff to do.  They can go tomorrow.   Florencia wants to go today.  She wants to visit the linen shop, pick out some center pieces, pick up the falsified pregnancy test results so that she can trap Damien, and then do lunch.  We can do it all at the same time and it will be fun.   Alfonsina says in that case then, they can make a day of it.  They’ll pick the results up together.  They embrace and Alfonsina calls Florencia “daughter”.  Florencia leaves the room and Alfonsina sighs with pleasure.   Commercial.

Hospital Lobby Worried and alone in the lobby, Braulio asks a nurse for an update on his family.  How’s my wife and my, my…uh Vincente?  The nurse tells him that they are still in surgery.  She’ll let him know something as soon as she knows more.  Breaking News!  Elisa has dropped dead!  Why else would Dolores not be at her side?  Dolores has momentarily managed to tear herself away from the Queen of Drama and walks towards Braulio!  She whispers his name.  How are things?  She asks about Vincente.  He explains that Vincente needed a kidney and Tonia was the donor.  They hold hands.  She’d better get home before Elisa regains consciousness.  She tells him that she will pray for his family and that he needs to have faith that everything will turn out well.  He thanks her for her concern.  She tells him to ask the doctor to stop by and see Elisa who is doing very badly.  Dolores turns to leave.  Braulio calls her back and asks her to stay with him; he needs her support.  Dolores checks her watch.  Elisa’s blow to the head was just enough to knock her out for an hour or two.  She touches his face and stares at his full lips (Horacio is my husband.  I must not lick Braulio.  Horacio is my husband.  I must not lick Braulio).  She will wait with him until they get out of surgery. 

Merida Clinic Waiting Room Instead of gossiping, Mrs. Kravitz should really teach her daughter to cross her legs when wearing short dresses.   Florencia Landucci!  Here we are!  Paolo drags Incredibly Stupid towards the counter.  He tells her that he will wait outside.  She protests.  She wants him to come in and hold the stick while she urinates on it.  It will be so romantic when the rabbit dies.  Just kidding!  She’s scared of needles.  Paolo says that he is too.  He prefers to wait in the lobby.  Sabrina follows the nurse.  Paolo tells the other nurse that he wants the results sent to Dr. Tovar’s office in La Ermita since he will be the OBGYN.  What doesn’t Dr. Tovar do?  The nurse says that he can pick the results up at n the La Ermita Health Center.  Paolo is so desssssssspicable that I am becoming deeply attracted to him.  I think I need therapy.

Hospital Doctor Tovar has completed the transplant and comes out into the lobby.  Both Tonia and Vincente are doing fine.  Braulio and Dolores hug; he asks to see Vincente.  The doctor tells them that the two are recuperating. He’ll have to wait.  Dolores, realizing that she’s been too touchy-feely with Braulio forces herself to back out of his embrace (I must not lick Braulio.  I am a married woman).  Braulio thanks her for staying with him at such a difficult time.  She has to get home before Elisa wakes up.  She tells the doctor that Elisa is still doing badly and asks him to stop by. 

Casa de Arango Alfonsina’s Bedroom Dam Fine is cussing out Alfonsina.  He wants to know why she didn’t tell him that Agosto is dead.  Why didn’t she give him Maru’s message?   It slipped her mind completely, she says.  Dam Fine tells her not to treat him like he’s Dam senile.  He accuses her of doing it on purpose and tells her not to deny it.   Fine, she says, I won’t deny it.   He didn’t have anything to do with Agosto’s wake.  He tells her that she can’t continue to treat him like a child.  She can’t decide what he can and cannot do.  He wanted to be there for Elisa because Elisa would have done the same for him.  Alfonsina doubts it.  She wants to change the subject.  Damien tells her that as each day passes, he knows that they will never have a normal relationship.  She says that she is the only one making the effort.  He says that the only time they got along was when he lived in Italy because they never had to see each other.  After he gets married, he’s moving with his wife so she can’t try to control them.   The procesadora will be fine in the Gabby’s hands since she’s never going to fire him.   She tells him that it is not necessary for them to move.  She has a surprise for him.  Dam Fine says that he has never liked surprises and leaves the room. 

Casa de Castanon Elisa’s Bedroom Dr. Tovar is completing his examination of Elisa.  Something is seriously wrong with her this time.  She is not crying; there’s no hint of a tear anywhere.  I’ve never seen her this way before.  I’m very worried about her.  He asks why she won’t eat.  He tells her that although she’s going through a bad time, she has to snap out of it.  Otherwise she will make herself very sick.  She says that she doesn’t have the strength for anything.  He knows that she’s tired of fighting, but she must continue fighting all the same.  She is very young.  She’s a strong girl, he says.  Get your strength from your loved ones.  He says that she should rest and then exits the room.  No tears.  No wailing.  She’s just a sad lump. 

Casa de Castanon Living Room Dolores is talking to Camina. She says that they should have told Don Lucio. Carmina says that they have to handle their problems themselves.  Dolores tells Carmina that she has no heart (ya think?). Dr. Tovar interrupts the conversation.  Dolores wants to know how Elisa is doing.  She’s well, says the doctor.   She’s depressed and needs to rest. Give her something to eat and drink.  Dolores mean-mugs Carmina and then goes to check on Elisa.  Carmina calls the doctor back into the living room.  She thanks him for everything and complains that no one is concerned about her.  She lost (OK killed…semantics) her husband and no one seems to care.  She knew Elisa didn’t have anything seriously wrong with her.  Dr. Tovar says that Elisa needs support and a lot of understanding.  Carmina tells the doctor that he was the only friend that Agosto had (and you, his only friend, boinked me). Oh she’s good!   Dr. Kravitz tells Carmina that Agosto stopped by and asked about her pregnancy.  She asks what he told Agosto.  He tells her that he told Agosto the truth, but he had the strange feeling that Agosto already knew the answer.  He simply confirmed what he already knew.  You were knocked up before you got married.  He feels bad because he may have contributed to his death.  Carmina tells the doctor to leave because he is not making her feel any better about killing her husband. 

Procesadora Damien’s Office Padre tells Damien that he’s been trying to call him, but the phone at that hacienda has been busy for days.  Dam Fine says his mother probably took the phone off of the hook.  Damien wants to know if there will be a mass for Don Agosto.  Padre says Carmina doesn’t want one.  He doesn’t know if Elisa wants to do a mass.  He’s come to tell him that Elisa needs him more than ever.  Dam Fine says that he knows, but he’s not sure that she will accept his visit.  Padre rises from his seat and strangles his hat.  He knows that Dam Fine is not in love with Florencia.  He tells him to go get Elisa and take her from that house.  Something’s not right with her aunt; she’s EVIL.  Damien asks why his uncle is so desperate.  Padre tells Damien to marry Elisa and give her the love that she’s never had in her life.  Damien says that he wants to love her hard and he wants to love her good, but she’s my sister!  Dam Fine goes on to explain that he’s tried drinking, drugs, hypnosis, acupuncture, yoga, boinking Florencia, electric shock therapy, a psychiatrist, voodoo, a witch doctor and watching Tony Robbins DVDs.  Nothing works!  He wants to violate Elisa!  Padre Kravitz interrupts his nephew.  Damien, he says, in my rush to tell Gael and CNN, I forgot to tell you that Elisa is not your sister.  Dam, I thought you would have seen in on my Facebook page by now.  Damien looks shocked.  Commercial. 

Procesadora Damien’s Office Damien runs around his desk and grabs his uncle.  Uncle, what are you saying?  Elisa and I aren’t siblings? Are you sure because I want to violate my sister over and over again!  The next step was castration!  Padre assures his nephew that Carmina lied; she falsified the Deny Natal Accusations test and a frontal lobotomy will not be necessary at this time.  Elisa is not your sister, says the Padre.  So, I’m not a pervert?  Damien bends over with relief.  His uncle encourages him to go to Elisa immediately. 

Casa de Castanon Elisa’s Bedroom Dolores brings Elisa a tray of food and asks her to eat.  Tearless, Elisa says she’s not hungry.  Her mother’s picture and her father’s black glasses rest on her nightstand.  She plays with her amulet as she lies in bed in her funeral clothes; a little pink blanket covers her legs.  She is so bummed.  Dolores tells her that Dr. Tovar says that it’s very important that she eat.  Elisa says that she will eat later.  Dolores tells her that what happened was terrible.  Dolores wants to know where she went last night.  She went to see Damien, but no one opened the door.  She needed to see him.  She couldn’t tell him that they weren’t siblings because he didn’t open the door.  Dolores says that she has to make Damien listen to her.  He has the right to know that he does not have the hot tamales for his sister.   Elisa points out that it’s useless.  He didn’t even show up for Agosto’s funeral nor did he send his condolences.  Dolores thinks that Damient may not know about Agosto.  Elisa says that in La Ermita everybody knows everybody’s business.  Padre Lupe has a Twitter account.  She has to accept that he is with Florencia and she’s lost him.  Darn it.  She’s way too depressed to cry and I feel sorry for her.  I can’t stand to see her this way; she’s just lying there.  Why isn’t she hysterical?   Sniff. Sniff.  (It’s just my allergies acting up again).   

Procesadora Gabby is searching the file cabinet for something.  Maru asks him what’s up.  He says that he needs the agriculturist’s contracts from ten years ago.  She wants to know why.  Basically, he tells her to mind her own business and just tell him where he can find them.  She says they’re in the archives. 

Casa de Don Lucio (Hopefully, this conversation is right). Padre is earning every bit of his paycheck today.  He is visiting EVERY ONE.  Lucio tells the Padre that he is very sad.  They discuss the inconsistencies of Agosto’s death.  Lucio says that he heard there was an autopsy (when does Tovar have the time?)  There was a report, but it only shows the approximate time of death.  Padre says that Gael told him that Agosto was in a good mood until he heard about Kenia’s death.   Lucio says that the last time he saw him, Agosto was depressed about having to sell his property to Gabby.  He felt like a failure.  Padre says he won’t accept that Agosto killed himself. 

Procesadora Gabino’s Office Gabby has found a folder in an archive box.  He locks the door to his office, opens the folder and practices forging a signature. 

Hospital Tonia’s Room Alfonsina has come to the hospital to find out why Tonia is still lounging around after that elective kidney transplant surgery.  The house is dirty and she’s hungry.  The other girls aren’t as efficient as Tonia.  How long is this recovery going take and where is Braulio?  Somebody has to do some foreman work!  Alfonsina tells Tonia that she’s happy that she’s doing well.  She heard that the surgery was a complete success.  Alfonsina has asked about her little snitch (I mean Vincente) and he is also doing well too.  Tonia tells her that Braulio knows that Vincente is the spawn of Gabino.  Alfonsina is stunned and calls Tonia a fool.  Dr. Tovar walks in and wants to know how the patient is doing. The doctor tells Alfonsina that Tonia needs to rest and explains that kidney transplants are necessary.  Tonia will have to remain in the hospital for a while.  Tonia asks about Vincente.  Doctor wants to watch him for three to seven days.  He’ll also have to be under strict medical control and will need regular blood tests.  Tonia wants to know if she and Vincente can share a room.  Doctor looks at Alfonsina and tells her that he needs to talk to her. 

Procesadora Gabino’s Office Gabino has perfected the signature.  He throws the scratch paper in the trash bin, not the shredder.  I said Gabino was good-loooking.  I didn’t say he was smart.  Braulio meets him in the lobby and gives him an update on Vincente.  Gabby doesn’t care.  Dude, he’s your kid, says Braulio.  Gabby denies it and says that Vincente is Braulio’s problem. 

Case de Castanon Foyer Dam Fine has arrived!  Hurray!  He asks Dolores for Elisa.  She says that she is in the bedroom.  He says that he needs to see her.  Dolores says she’s resting and tells him to come back later.  He insists; he begs.  She wants to know why Damien didn’t open the door when Elisa was outside shouting his name.  He says that they don’t have time to discuss this now.  She relents because like me, Dolores loves a begging man.  Darn it!  Carmina heard the doorbell and comes into the foyer.  She hears the conversation and tries to stop Damien by telling him that the house belongs to her.  Damien points out that the house also belongs to Elisa and shoves her out of the way.  OK, he didn’t shove her.  I made it up, but he mean-mugs her and walks towards Elisa’s room.  You heard him, says Dolores to a flabbergasted Carmina.

Casa de Castanon Elisa’s Bedroom Elisa is just staring out the window.  You already heard?  She tells him that she saw him arrive.  Damien marches in the bedroom and immediately starts groveling.  He apologizes for not being with her.  He just heard what happened.  I would have been here sooner.  She won’t even look at him as she responds.  She says there’s nothing to forgive.  She is still wearing that stupid little halo braid.  He tells her that he couldn’t sleep last night, so he came looking for her.  She turns to him and asks what time did he come.  He said that he came early, but Carmina wouldn’t let him in.  He just wanted to know that she was ok.  Even though Carmina didn’t tell him about Agosto, he knew something was wrong.  She tells him that she wasn’t there when he came because she was at his house yelling and screaming for him.  He tells her that no one told him that she’d been there.  He tells her that he saw her with Gael on the way home.  She tells him that she’d left to go visit him in the middle of the night.  She had to see him.  Now she understands why he didn’t respond to her.   There’s moisture; her eyes are glistening.   She wanted to tell him that her father had died and they are not siblings.  He tells her that he just found out this morning; his uncle told him.  Oh, and that I’m not a deranged pervert.  He grabs her hands and tells her how sorry he is that her father died.  He kisses her hands loudly.  A tear rolls down her cheek.  See?  All she needed was a little dose of Dam Fine.  He wipes her tears away and tells her that he loves her with all of his heart.  Nothing will ever separate them, he says.  He pulls her into his arms.  Mi Elisa.  Mi Elisa.  With tears in her eyes, she holds tightly to his big shoulders. 

Sniff.  Sniff.  (Darn these allergies).