Weekend Discussion: Mandatory Forgiveness and Its Evangelists

Disclaimer: I am not a practitioner of any organized religion, nor was I raised in one. I know that the ability to grant forgiveness is a primary goal in most organized religions, but if “To err is human, to forgive divine” I will leave forgiveness to the angels.

We are always being told that forgiveness is for the forgiver rather than the person who offended him or her; forgiving is letting go to avoid living with rancor and hate. I can buy that notion if the offending act was committed in ignorance of the resultant suffering, whether the offender simply did not know the person would be offended or if s/he lacks the mental capacity for understanding such things. I can accept the idea of forgiveness if the offender apologises sincerely and makes amends (even if that can only mean getting out of the injured party's life). I cannot extend the same absolution to persons who knowingly commit malicious acts regardless of their motives for doing so.

Unconditional forgiveness can only happen after the death of the transgressor, if the person whom he or she offended need to do this to get on with life. It makes no logical or social sense to forgive a living person if they have not made a concerted and sincere effort to change their behavior, especially if this person is still going to be part of the injured party's life. A person like that takes forgiveness as a license to continue the behavior.

I wonder whether most Forgiveness Nazis are very religious and/or whether their ability to forgive has ever been put to any real test. How many of them had severely toxic parents, were bullied in school, were betrayed in love, or were cheated in their workplaces? I'm going to bet that very few did. Nobody like that is qualified to preach forgiveness to the rest of us.

Dr Susan Forward, in her book Toxic Parents tells the reader “You don't have to forgive.” Her opinion (based on her patients' cases) is that forgiving often prevents the offended party from facing the music and doing the necessary psychological work to correct what the offenses against them have done. Instead, they forgive as though this were the magic that takes away their pain because it's what their clergyman says God tells them they should do. And ten years later they wonder why they still have the same problems.

That is what novela characters often do, including when it is undeserved.

In the Fairy-Tale World of Telenovelas

There is a variety of examples on the application of forgiveness and instances where it is skirted over:

Triunfo del Amor

Bernarda was evil enough in her hypocrisy to earn the privilege of excommunication... and clever enough to get it reversed later by a cardinal in the presence of the bishop who excommunicated her. That takes a unique level of evil.

I thought I heard Victoria and Maria both say they had difficulty forgiving Bernarda. Maria rejected Bernarda in the later episodes and Bernarda's death prevented any statement of forgiveness. I'm sure Maria and Victoria were fine with that.

Juan Pablo wanted to forgive her; he was taught in the seminary that forgiveness is all-important. The fact that she was his mother made this an impossibly frustrating situation for him. I think that in some way he was also trying to get her to love him; I doubt she ever truly did. He was a means to an end for her. The future happiness of Maria (no longer desemparada) with Max and their children was his reward for suffering so long with such an impossibly evil mother. Her death released him.

In this case we could say “To err is human, to forgive is asinine.”

Corazón Salvaje (2009 version)

When Rodrigo is arrested at the end, he realizes he has grossly mistreated his surviving daughter and her lover. He begs their forgiveness and gets it. He does seem genuinely remorseful and he is in no position to do them any more harm. Whether he was at peace when he died shortly after that is debatable.

Interestingly, in Yo Compro Esa Mujer he was unrepentant. Anna Christina does not forgive him, but this might be because she has no idea where Rodrigo and Mathilde are in the finale episode.

Fuego en la Sangre

Gabriella's daughters forgive her after she's dead (or buried). By then they know she was a sick bitch and they have the comfort of knowing that they were not the cause of her evil and that she can harm them no more. Juan even says that he hopes God gives her what she deserves. The brothers later made the same comment about Fernando when he committed suicide. That is more realistic in my book because they recognize unrepentant evil and know that only death ever ends it. They and their loved ones are now safe from it with all their enemies dead and they need dwell no more on it.

Padre Tadeo had trouble with both of the arch-villains of this tale, eventually to the extent of refusing to listen to their “confessions.” Gabriela was excommunicated in his presence, perhaps at his recommendation. She gave him no reason to regret that decision.

En Nombre del Amor

Carlota Espinosa de los Monteros certainly deserves no forgiveness, mental illness notwithstanding. However, she was forgiven by Rufina in the manner prescribed to us. Rufina gets closure and never has to lay eyes on her again. There is no final meeting between Carlota and Paloma before we see her turned on her side in the wheelchair. Macarena probably forgave her before she died, but didn't get a chance to say it.

Carlota would be steeped in her hatred until death, whenever that would come for her.

La Que No Podia Amar

In this tale it is easy to see who does and does not deserve forgiveness.

Bruno is an easy case to decide; he deserves no forgiveness. His actions were malicious and he wasn't sorry for a single one of them. He murdered two people, tried to murder others, and embezzled money over a period of years. He is possibly the reason Rogelio didn't get out of the wheelchair. For that the only relief Rogelio gets is that Bruno will never hurt anyone else again because his prison sentence will actually result in his own death by way of prison violence. Rogelio gets justice, but he doesn't need to forgive Bruno. Nobody else should, either and we are not told whether anyone did.

Cinthia is mentally ill, but legally competent in the sense that she understands she committed crimes. She caused several deaths and almost killed Ana Paula. That deserves no forgiveness. Maria forgave her numerous times until she saw that it did no good. I also don't recall any mention in of forgiveness with regard to her once she was finally caught and incarcerated at the end. We are spared visits to her in the prison by those she hurt and there was no discussion of forgiving her because of her mental state.

Is Vanessa's repentance real? I think so. She therefore earned Ana Paula's forgiveness. She needed it big time because they are each other's only relative at that point. Also – despite her earlier selfishness – she had a conscience. It just took 168 episodes to wake it up.

Rosaura may or may not have repented; we will never know whether her final speech to Ana Paula was sincere or not. Her actions caused the domino effect throughout the story and cost several lives. That makes it difficult to assess in view of her fear (which we knew). If she had not had the nightmares that drove her to confess to Ana Paula, she may never have confessed to anyone. This may have saved what is left of her life. We don't know what her sentence was, only that she was sure she would not survive it because of Cinthia (who should have been locked up in some form of solitary confinement for everyone's safety). Possibly she was playing for sympathy one last time. Ana Paula should not have forgiven her, but did not comment on the others.

Abismo de Pasión (as of the week of 9/3/12, US airings)

This disorganized tale has three females and two males who do not deserve forgiveness:

Alfonsina may not be as delusional as Roselena, but she has committed some of the same crimes against Damian. She sent him away when he most needed a parent and has done many things to prevent him being with the woman he loves including (but not limited to) conspiring with the spoiled brat he is currently married to. She refuses to entertain any notion beyond the lie that Estefania was her husband's other woman and compounds that sin by insisting that the innocent Elisa (who is still a virgin in Episode 125) is also a slut. Early in the story she was willing to have Gabino run over Damian's three friends before his own eyes when she was taking him away; later she connived to steal Elisa's lands.

Ingrid abandoned her son and later taught her own daughter to be a scam artist like herself. She walked away from Kenia when she was critically injured with no more thought than if she were highway roadkill, and manipulates her own son with no thought of danger to him.

Carmina outdoes both of them. She sullied her sister's good name, abuses her niece, and encouraged the girl's father to abuse her emotionally as well. She has forged medical reports to further the estrangement between Elisa and Augusto. She has killed twice and may do so again. Nothing will save her from the deepest level of hell at the end.

Augusto should have been forgiveable, but was not. He should have known better about his beloved Estefania. At any time in the 15 years since her death he could have had a DNA test to prove that Elisa was his child, but chose not to. She forgave him, but should not have done so that quickly. Someone should think about this, however, if anyone still thinks he committed suicide.

Gabino should never be forgiven. He's amoral and appears to enjoy killing and rape. He does anything to further his greed. It is too far from the end for him to remain in a coma or to end up in a persistent vegetative state so it will be a while before anyone needs to decide whether to forgive him or not.

Un Refugio para el Amor (as of the week of 9/3/12, US airings)

Roselena is completely unrepentant of her actions. The justice system would send her to prison for at least 20 years for the kidnapping of Luciana and the desecration of two graves. Divine justice will take care of her for breaking up the marriage of her firstborn. She would do it all over again, she has refused to see a psychiatrist, and she knows how to play the guilt card. She refuses to see that Max didn't cheat on her with Aurora. Her “love” for her children is selfish and possessive. She may believe that Jana should be the Tita of her family and attempt to prevent her having any romance in her life. Since Patricio is so vulnerable she may harm him in order to prevent facing the law. With Rodrigo exiting the house for good she will have a stranglehold on her two younger children, so if Jana has at least normal intelligence she should bolt as soon as she is legally of age.

Roselena's hypocritical confession in this week's episodes was a massive manipulation. During her next private conversation with the priest she will still refuse to repent, as she did in front of Rodrigo, and he will say the same things to her he has all along: No absolution without repentance. She tricked premature forgiveness out of Jana and Patricio, but that can't last long.

Mati keeps forgiving and enabling Roselena because she is in denial.

If Max doesn't have Roselena committed now he is putting himself and his children in further danger from her delusions and what she does to maintain them. If she does any more harm to Luciana Rodrigo may hold him responsible for not taking action and we will agree with him.

Max could go to prison for what he did to Claudio, who is being a saint for not insisting upon it and for not wanting to take the 50% of the company or any of Max's personal fortune. It could be argued that Roselena's madness is his real punishment. If he doesn't have her committed (and we might not have much story if he does) he'll be doing damage control until she dies... or until she kills him.

Gala and Julie are another matter altogether. The former is equally delusional in thinking she can force Rodrigo to stay married to her; the latter is amoral in using her daughter as a meal ticket. We will soon see if either of them will ultimately cross the line and do actual physical harm to Luciana and/or her baby... or to Gala's own child. She is drinking alcohol (although we haven't seen her drunk) so we don't have any great hope at the moment that this child will make it to full term. Their need for revenge and their vicious natures also override their greed because the magazine they put together to humiliate Luciana had to have cost a lot of money to commission, publish, and distribute. If Rodrigo has any brains he won't give them a cent.

How does this play for the audience?

What I want to see more of is the kind of rejection Maria threw at Bernarda in the later episodes of Triunfo del Amor. I want to see protagonists tell off these evildoers and later have better memories of their actions so they find a way to fight back. I want to see villains understand that others are on to them. That will make for tougher writing, but better storytelling.

What we need in the long term is a lot more variation on the approach to forgiveness and the choice whether or not to apply it. Not only that, but since forgiveness in these tales is often expressed at the end, we need to see its consequences