Weekend Discussion: Witticisms; Telenovela Greeting Cards-9/15/12

 
In one of this week's discussions, the Abismo gang noticed a repeated sequence of various characters expressing sympathy to someone because his mother was such a very, very...grave disappointment. It occurred to us that we could make a killing in Telenovelaland by developing a line of appropriate greeting cards for just these sorts of situations...por ejemplo:

Tu mamá es ramera, yo sé
Qué pena contigo mi güey
Pues ni modo, compadre
Lo que hizo tu madre
No fue por tu culpa --
¿o qué?

(Thanks, NovelaMaven!) 

What kinds of greeting cards do you think might come in handy for our imaginary friends? Feel free to dig in in either Spanish or English (or Spanglish) with themes, rhymes or designs.

Here are a few more ideas to get you started:

Congratulations!
...on your fake pregnancy
...on your successful embezzlement scheme
...on losing your virginity/fetching up pregnant (combined card)

So sorry
...your rapist got out of jail

Best wishes for a speedy recovery
...from your fall down the stairs
...from your golpeazo
...from your pivotal automobile accident

So have at it -- we know how clever you are!