El Talismán #97 Thu 6/14/12 Tomorrow, Tomorrow…

Gregorio’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Slumber Party:

Everybody is finding Papa Bear’s bed just right today. Now that Doris is gone, Elvira climbs in and arranges herself in various seductive poses, reminding him of what he’ll never enjoy again. Oh and by the way, she tells him, all that money you were so fond of? I now have direct access to it through my daughter. Elvira promises to come back and visit…again and again and again. But first, she must give him the goodbye he deserves…a hefty slap. Take that!

Doctorcito comes in to give Gregorio his next injection and Panchito shucks and jives his way to the bedside, promising he won’t be any trouble. Aw, gosh, he just wants to be near his Papa. Okay, says Dr. J, but you owe me one – if I ever run into trouble at El ‘Traz, you have to help me. Sure thing, boss, yessir. While the doc is distracted, Pancho palms the medicine bottle. Gag thought-bubbles a lot of stuff we don’t care about re: how he should have treated Pancho better when he could still move his limbs. Too late, rutabaga.

La Casita de Frascos:

Amid the high-anxiety smoochies, Pedro manages to tell Camila he has a plan. Gabriel and Sarita will get married TOMORROW and everyone from El ‘Traz will be invited, including the servidumbre. He will take the opportunity to case the joint for the medicine flasks with Mommy Dearest’s fingerprints – all she has to do is make sure Antonio stays at the wedding.

Camila rabbits off to tell Antonio to put down the pistol and take her home; she’s nauseous. Pedro pauses to say goodbye to the cabinet – “I will come for you TOMORROW!” he pledges – and is surprised by Valentín, who wants to know – all together now – “¿Qué haces aquí?” Pedro swears he was just out for a stroll and Camila who? Val threatens to tell Tony that Pedro was sniffing around; Pedro threatens to tell El Capitán that Val killed Mariana. Cara muy impactada y twitchy de Valentín. Round one to Pedro.

Antonio’s Casa de Amenazas:

Out in the sala, Camila is having another one of those “what planet are you from?” conversations with her mother. Camila confesses that the baby is Pedro’s, and Elvira tells her to just keep quiet about it. Not for long, Camila says, because Pedro’s gonna fix all this TOMORROW. Your baby will be rich, quoth the Nutmother; what else do you want? Oh, I dunno, maybe not to be held captive for the rest of my life by a psycho pistolero monkey?

Antonio is skulking around in the hallway growing his beard on fast-forward, and overhearing this conversation makes him even snarlier than usual. He gets Elvira alone and tells her if she knows what’s good for her, she’ll find out the details of Pedro’s little plan and report back to him toot-sweet. “What about my dinero?” she asks. All right already, he says; I’ll do a wire transfer. But after TOMORROW, Camila is shut up in the house until the baby’s born, and I only want to see you if you’re changing diapers. What a mensch.

Elvira dashes into Camila’s room, cries some crocodile tears, apologizes for being Joan Crawford in a headband, and promises to help with the Pedro Plan. Camila appears to fall for it hook, line and sinker…but does she really tell her mother the whole story? And does Elvira really pass it all on to Antonio? Guess we’ll find out TOMORROW.

El Departamento Three-Way:

Elvira shows up to tell Rennie she’s ready to buy him out. He says he & Rita are flying out TOMORROW and she can move right in. Since they’re still married, no property transfer is necessary. She suspects a trick, but he says he’d do anything to be divorced from her. She flounces out after wishing them a lovely plane crash and death. Rennie promises Rita a whole new world of adventure and absolutely no more with the getting married.

Back at the ‘Traz:

Doctor Jaime comes back to give Don G his evening injection, and Panchito slips the brown bottle back into his maletín. After he leaves, Pancho tells the pig that he swapped the “medicine” for vitamins, and he’ll be up & around in no time. Stalwart piglet! Too bad he only uses his life-giving powers on one-celled organisms. Oh well; maybe he’ll have a chance to save a human being later.

Around town:

-        Geno and Tomás announce that they too are getting married TOMORROW, and Antonio says, “What are they putting in the food over there?”

-        Angel asks Flor to be his novia, and she gives him the capital-K Kiss.

-        Doris calls Lucas on the phone and tells him that she must marry Gregorio TOMORROW.

-        Pedro admits to Gabe and Margarito that he should probably have a Plan B in case something goes wrong. Ya think?

Setup for the Showdown:

Against all odds, it appears that TOMORROW has actually arrived, and El Tal is in a flurry of wedding preparativos. Margarito joshes with Gabriel that it is his last chance to escape, and Gabe answers that he doesn’t have anywhere to go. I think he’s joking. Pedro has gotten Sarita to make Lucrazy her madrina just to keep her out of everyone’s hair. Oh, and he’s paying for the wedding, so I guess poor Sarita figured she’d better go along with it.

All the El Tal men are looking dapper in black and white, and Lucrazy struts in wearing the skintight bright red dress with slutty side cutouts that every bride dreams of seeing on her maid of honor. Cue the bullfight music: Camila makes a grand entrance on Antonio’s arm, and the two couples flare nostrils across the room as a super-duper drumbeat of doom builds to a crescendo…

Amigos, this bodatón is gonna be OPERATIC.