Caray, Caray!

We begin today with a recap of yesterday's finale, in which Max, in a really ugly tight blue sweater of some sort, confronts the evil Octave, who is still in her "jaunty" nautical-themed Love Boat attire. "Did you steal F/G's fortune?" Octave wants to know how he could even conceive of such a hare-brained idea, deftly avoiding the question. Max tells her Diana's attorney told him.

Back to Luscious Lunkhead's room where Rene is asking him about "the servant" Larry's married to. Larry gets cranky and defends Little Doormat, saying her name is Gaby and she doesn't deserve the pain she's suffered. Rene, in his usual grandiose hand gestures, tells Luscious Lunkhead that LL is obviously in love with his wife and but too dense to even know it. Doe-eyed look from LL.

F/G, still in her red polka-dot dress, with the bizarre black velvet cabbage-sized flower around her neck, is turning down the bed for Dimwit Diana, who looks dazed as usual. F/G tells DD she needs to rest after her busy day. DD is going to need all her strength for tomorrow. F/G kisses Diana on the forehead. "Your kiss is like that of a mother," exclaims Diana. Heart-warming music plays in the background.

Now we're in Diego's room at the hospital where Pancho is at Diego's side. Diego-the-Stalker wants to know where Diana is. Pancho says she went home to rest. Diego asks, "Is it true I'll never walk again?" Alas, Pancho says it's true, "but don't worry, I will always be at your side." Heart-tugging violins play in the background as Diego says all he wants is Diana.

RM is back in her bed after dinner. She tells Isabel that the therapy is taking too long, to which Isabel replies therapy is a slow process. "Isn't there something else we can do?" I—"Well, there is a hospital in Houston that caters to people in similar conditions. They have special equipment that provides electrical currents and warmth, which expedites the healing process." ***Why on earth this hasn't been brought up before is beyond me. We've already established RM has a ton of money in the bank and could probably afford to buy the Houston clinic if she wanted.*** The good news is that there was no mewling in this scene. Yippee!

Max is still confronting Octave, with a busty red-acetate-robed FM in the background, arms folded in such a way as to offer maximum cleavage. Yolanda makes the mistake of walking into the room at this point. Octave tells Max to ask his aunt about the kind of trash F/G is. F/G even murdered her own husband! "Is it true? asks Max. Yolanda is impactada.

F/G has now returned to Paco's bar, still in her best wedding-guest attire. She tells Paco she can't perform after all the trauma of the day. "No hay problema" says Paco. F/G goes on to proudly state how she told Max what a low-life, scum-sucking, sea-hag his mother is. "I'm sure right now Max has a thousand questions for his mum. I'm sure she'll deny everything, but at least I've planted the seed of doubt." Paco is saddened by F/G's all-consuming hatred of Octave.

The scene among Max, Octave and Yolanda continues, with Octave laying it on thick and heavy to Max, and wanting Yolanda to back up her story. Yolanda hems and haws and finally, vaguely states that F/G was sent to prison for killing her husband. Octave tells Max that F/G was her best friend, but that F/G stole Octave's husband. Max orders Yolanda to tell him the truth, not what his mom is coercing her to say. Yolanda "ums, and ahs" to the point where Max FINALLY catches a clue as to what's happening. At this point the scene shifts to RM and Isabel.

RM is telling Isabel that they both need to go to Houston and rent an apartment. RM has more than enough money for them to stay there for an extended period and get all the therapy she needs. Isabel can be her personal slave—I mean assistant. Further, if Isabel goes with her, Isabel will get a healthy stipend for her efforts. Isabel seems to be digging this idea.

Little Doormat and Diana are having girl-talk in their room. Little Doormat tells Diana that Max came to the hospital but F/G prevented him from seeing Diana. Gaby goes on to tell Diana that F/G tore Max a new orifice about what a lying sack of. . . his mother is. Gaby mentioned F/G being in jail. Diana says, "speaking of jail, there something I've been meaning to tell you. Our mother is apparently in jail." A bucket of foreshadowing is introduced.

And we're back to a continuation of the scene between Max and Octave. Even FM finally walks off in disgust. Octave says she took over the perfume company when F/G went to jail. Max accuses her of stealing the company and Octave counters it's the perfume company that has made them rich. Max, as expected, states he'd rather be poor and how ashamed he is of his mother. After Max leaves Yolanda and Octave discuss Octave's confession. Octave smugly points out that Max only knows the partial truth; he has no idea F/G was innocent and that F/G's husband was killed by his father.

Gaby wants to know why Diana thinks their mother is in jail, since Granny M has always maintained their parents were dead. Diana tells Gaby she heard it from a neighbor. Gaby wants to know what mom did; Diana doesn't know. "When I asked Granny M, Granny M repeated our parents were dead, but acted really nervous." G—"Do you think Granny M is hiding something from us?" D—"I do."

FM is gossiping to Bruno about the confrontation between Max and Octave. "Octave is a thief! Imagine that!" FM apparently now thinks Octave is her hero. FM also thinks there's some other skeletons lurking in one of the thousands of closets at Psycho Mansion.

Octave and Yolanda show up in F/G's room at Paco's Bar. Lots of posturing. Fiera v. Fiera while poor Yolanda cowers behind Octave. Each tells the other "You're in BIG trouble now." Of course that's not exactly what is said, but you get the idea. F/G and Octave each tell the other to be afraid, and that the other one will be going to jail forever. F/G asks Yolanda if she's afraid; Yolanda is quaking in her boots. Octave, of course, can't be intimidated. Octave is clearly a Joselyn wanna-be.

We are treated to an airborne Rene launching himself at a leather sofa while Larry looks on. Larry has on his tight olive t-shirt, but has now added an extremely dorky-looking camouflage hat. Lunkhead is telling Rene that Pilar wants to get married and he should probably find an attorney to talk to Gaby. He can't face her after he's treated her so badly. He's "Oh so confused!" Rene, in his usual effusive way, thinks it would be a huge mistake to marry Pilar. Pilar is a liar. Despite replaying the scene several times, I can't tell if Rene thinks Larry should be with Gaby or not. Can anyone out there help me with this?

After Rene leaves, Lunkhead calls Little Doormat, who is curled up on the sofa, crying and looking completely forlorn. She's whispering Larry's name when the phone rings. Speak of the devil. . .Larry says "Soy yo, Larry." Little Doormat is impactada.

Lots of predatory circling in F/G's room, with Yolanda begging to leave. Yolanda wants no part of this cozy little scene. Enough said. . .

FM shows up in Max's room to stir the pot about his mother's admission. She wants to get a drink, a Screwdriver. Max looks surprised. "You've always detested vodka!" Oops!

Lunkhead and Little Doormat are on the phone. Gaby wants to know why he's calling. "Is it to talk about us?" L—"Yes. Pilar wants to get married." Gaby tells Larry that Pilar doesn't love him. In fact, the day he sent Gaby to get his cell phone, Gaby caught Pilar in bed with Kike. "Why didn't you tell me?" asks Larry. "Because I didn't want to see you hurt. However, if you love her and want to marry her despite all that has happened. I'll sign the divorce papers." Gaby hangs up on Lunkhead, and you can see the hamster running overtime on its little wheel in Larry's head. "Gaby? Gaby? " I guess Larry was in the "Hot Bods" line when the brains were passed out.

F/G v. Octave continues. Come on now, we get the idea. Let's move on.. . . Dramatic music reaches a crescendo!

Max continues to press FM about her sudden change in drink preferences. FM makes some lame excuse. Max says he's noticed something different about her, but he can't quite put a finger on what it is. She looks the same but she's different some how. She even kisses differently. FM tries to blame it on the two-year coma, but Max is having difficulty accepting that excuse. FM tries to seduce him, but he's suddenly developed a headache. He stands there with his bathrobe open showing part of his bare chest. More gratuitous chest shots of all our young nubile/studly actors. FM says she'll be in the Jacuzzi if he's interested. She heads to the bathroom and starts freaking out that Max is going to figure out she's an impostor.

Gaby goes into the bedroom crying. Diana asks why and Gaby tells her about Larry's phone call asking for a divorce. Diana says F/G is right. "We need to take revenge on these Irascible boys for wreaking such havoc on our lives." Diana convinces Gaby to join the "I Don't Heart the Irascibles" club.

Next day at the only hospital in TeleMiami. Lala is sitting at Diego's side and stating she wants to make his favorite flan. Diego doesn't want flan. Diego wants Diana. "Why didn't she stay the night with me?" Dang, this guys creeps me out! Right on cue Diana arrives and Lala heads home to take a bath and change clothes. Right as Diana is asking Diego how his night went, in walks Doc Evil. Diego wants to know why he's there. Doc Evil replies that Diego is his patient. Diego gets himself worked up into a lather and accuses Doc Evil of paralyzing him.

Isabel tells RM that she's obtained all the information about the hospital in Houston. All they need to do is call and RM will be admitted. RM wants the call placed yesterday. Isabel asks if they should tell Bruno and Debora about their leaving. Absolutely not! "They'll find out when I confront them after I'm healed!"

Diego continues to be mad that Doc Evil is his physician.

Pilar and Larry are hiding out somewhere with lots of shrubbery around them. Larry has his purple shirt unbuttoned half way down his chest. Thank heavens he has ditched that ridiculous hat. Pilar tries to kiss Larry but he pushes her away. Pilar is back on the marriage bandwagon and wants to know why they have to continue to sneak around. Larry points out they can't exactly hang out at Psycho Mansion, mother wouldn't like that. Pilar continues to protest saying he needs to tell mommy he is divorcing the servant and marrying her, at which time Larry uses the spine he was given and says "I'm not going to marry you." He tells her he found out about her getting caught in bed with Kike right before the wedding. Pilar is impactada.

See above. Diego continues to be mad that Doc Evil is his physician. "Get me out of here right now!"

Max is at the office telling Emili-Oh that Octave is a thief. She stole the mansion, the factory, everything from F/G. Now F/G is turning Diana against him. "Oh, woe is me!"

Larry and Pilar are arguing. Pilar asks how Larry can take the word of a servant over her. Gaby is manipulating him. "What about Peyote?" asks Larry. "She confirmed what Gaby told me." Pilar tells Larry that Peyote was mistaken. Larry says the only manipulator around here is Pilar. "Gaby wouldn't lie. Gaby is pure". . .blah blah blah. Glycerine Tears of True Dolor are running down Luscious' cheeks.

Back to the hospital. Will this ever end? I meant to point this out earlier, but Diego's squawking about not being able to provide for his family reminds me. How are they going to explain Diana's baby now? Diego was paralyzed before their wedding night. I suppose it will come up sooner or later. This question is far more interesting to me than the actual conversation between the two of them, in which Diana says she will work and provide for both Diego and the baby. "A job won't be a problem now that I have been declared innocent."

Emili-Oh is telling Max he should go to the hospital and see Diana. M—"What if the big, bad, scary F/G is there?" Emili-Oh tells Max not to be an idiot again.

After some discussion about Diego wanting to leave the hospital to get away from Doc Evil, Diana tells F/G she's ready to the join the Vengeance club.

Diego and Diana are outside. Diego wants to know who shot him. Could it be Max? Diana says Max isn't capable of shooting anyone. Diego, in stalker mode, is furious. "Why are you defending him? Do you still love him? You do, don't you. Answer me!" ***News flash…how many different ways has Diana told Diego she doesn't love him, she still loves Max. Is Diego just now hearing what Diana's been saying for months? What a narcicist!***

Max, in a lavender shirt and tie, goes to visit Granny DS, also head to toe in lavender. Even the dolls are in lavender. All the lavender is distracting. Max and Granny DS discuss Diana and how sad they are that Diana is no longer a part of their lives.

More dull conversation between Diana and Diego. Diego is going to be the only father that Diana's baby is going to know. B-O-R-I-N-G!

FM walks up behind Max and throws her arms around him. She asks him what he's thinking. FM says to herself Max will never know Diana is having his child.

Pancho joins the family soirée on the patio. He wants to know why Diego left the hospital. Lala says Diego wanted to leave. Diana joins in saying she's a nurse and can care for him. Pancho, with furrowed brow, tells Diana if she ever leaves Diego for Max, he will personally kill her. Lala is impactada! Diana has that usual dumbstruck look.

Credits roll!

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