Caray, Caray!

Dani is talking to Rod..the big question is who sold out MariAnna/Gavi? Only James & Dani knew the whole truth..well it wasn’t Dani & James swore it wasn’t him…Okay McMillan & Wife stop right here…No one will ever figure out it was Gavi belting out a song at full bore that clued Minnie & Isa in..let it go.

Gavi & Ma are hanging out in Tequila Central..it must be kakaoke nite. Gavi starts singing to the approval and applause of the other patrons…

Hundreds of miles away, Rod is gazing out a window & he goes into GaviVision…mentally hearing the words Gavi is crooning back at the bar, scary huh, how in sync these two are. Rod rehashes scenes from their bittersweet past.

Sofie & Francisco, Man Whore, enter into yet another room in the palatial haciendo. It would almost be cute, if ****wait disclaimer Sofie & Francisco could never be cute, she is pretending to be an untouched shy young virgin and he is pretending to care***
Francisco tells her he very much likes the hacienda and he very much likes Sofie as he prepares to show her how much right there on the sofa of rich Corinthian leather, thank the Gods, Pilar comes in at that very moment and saves Sofie’s unvirginity. Oh these kids today, Francisco excuses himself and Sofie & Pilar have a Mafia type sitdown to discuss Rod.

Pilar is feeling almost slightly guilty, as she tells Sofie how in love Rod is with the little gutter trash Gaviota. Sofie quickly mentally slaps her grandmother back to the real world. "Is this the woman you would want your grandson with?" "An uneducated migrant farm working whore?" "No, not really", confessed the unblinking Queen of the Darkness Pilar. Well then…

The Next Day

It is breakfast at the ranch, Elvis & Dani, Sofie & Francisco, SanWannna, unable to ever shut the hell up is questioning Dani about when she and Elvis will be returning to Mexico. Pilar comes in and begins to chastise Dani & Elvis that they can’t stay there in a state of unmarriage..Yeh what ever Pilar, you’d really crap if they stayed there in a state of marriage & what about your other granddaughter, if you’d walked in three minutes later last night, you’d of caught the tail end of a rousting game of hide the salami. Never mind Dani & Elvis plan to return to Mexico City…but first Frankie has a burnin desire to see the Tequila distillery.

Rod is sleeping in bed fully dressed having a Gavi dream, he is dreaming that they are at some street carnival & in True Rod fourteen year old fashion, he does one of those games where you shoot the little metal animals. Well Rod shoots three & he gives the gun to Gavi (seriously I thought she would shoot him), but no she hits a couple then goes all Annie Oakley on his ass & shoots over her shoulder & from the side, she is a sure shot…They then have an awesome kiss in the street and we go back to see Rod sleeping with a very sweet (and that is saying a lot coming from me) smile on his face..Oh Rod you are killin me here.

Back in Mexico City Isa is meeting with Videgaray about the divorce, Isa feels she is fully entitled to 50% of the Montalvo fortune, beings that Rod has humiliated her at least 1000 times & so on. Videgaray is hold on there little missy, it is an annulment, cause the marriage was never consummated, time for a "Que the Hell" look on Isa part & I gotta say actually I’d be just like her, as if that was my fault? Yeah like he should pay even more for shirking his duties…but anyway, Videgaray tells her she gets the apartment, the car, the jewelry (the few bobbles AssHat Rod bought out of guilt). Damn Isa is mad, she starts getting louder & Videgaray is doing the sorry she is crazy look at the other patrons in the restaurant. Videgaray finally tells her that Rod owns nothing, the hacienda is not his, the business nothing. The yet unborn male heir of either Aaron or Rod will inherit everything. TWB/Isa is seriously muy impacted I believe her uterus just did a cartwheel…

Gavi has gotten up and pulled herself together to go look for a job, she asks Clarita how she looks (she is wearing a blouse, sweater & jeans…No I don’t get the jeans part either). Clarita in her normal gushing way tells Gavi she looks great, but tells her not to lie, she has promised the saints no more lies. I am sure the Holy Beings found this rather refreshing, but I am almost also sure that they are laying 2 to 1 odds against it.

Now I am back in Mrs. Greer’s fifth grade class and we are watching the movie about Tequila Distilleries. Roman is giving the tour. I can’t stand it…I simply can’t stand it…for the love of Gawd did you see what Sofie was wearing…It is all I can do the continue this, there simply is no excuse for that bad fashion. Pilar at the age of "well eternal" is far more fashion forward than Sofie…uggggggg long black skirt, navy blue hose & a strange ivory, with a small black design blouse that comes like half way down her hips…NO NO NO…you are drawing attention in a most unflattering way.

Alright, I will try to continue…Frankie is all about the Tequila & the possibility of getting into the family…We get to see the tour group walk around with shower caps & face masks in the clean room & NO Sofie would look no better as a doctor.

Pilar goes in and wakes Rod, he will turn over a new leaf and try to get over his deep depression and move on with his life. If Rod would only watch any cable news channel he would be well aware there is help for this problem, better living through pharmaceuticals.

Gavi is meeting with a guy at a Fabrica, she tells him her usual, English, French & a little German spiel. The guy is pretty impressed and asks her about her former employment. Gavi says she worked for Montalvo Tequila. Her bosses were the cousins Aaron & Rod. The guy want to call & talk with them, Gavi tries to fend him off, he mentions stealing from a company & Gavi has a flashback to the missing monitor and when Aaron found out she was Gavi. Gavi tells the guy she can give him Roberto Avellaneda & Eduardo Saldivar as personal references, but no he has to have a work reference…Gavi won’t do it and leaves.

Isa & her Ma are meeting with Isa’s lawyer…The lawyer tells her that Rod is being more than generous and to take the deal. The lawyer leaves; Ma is scared whoa is me, poor Pa.
Fedra just lets herself in to Aaron’s apartment and goes into the bedroom, Minnie is there enjoying a fine breakfast or brunch. It’s time to go wreak more havoc on Gavi’s life.
Isa & Ma go to visit Ricardo in jail….You can see jail is gonna be real hard on Ricardo…he is not going to do well in the big house… Ricardo is being moved from jail to prison…the wheels of justice moved pretty quickly in Mexico…..Hey here is an idea Ricardo…get some of your buddies to call in a political favor with Felipe Caldron…he can commute your sentence..What’s that you say Ricardo? That only works in Banana Republic third world countries like The United States? Well it worked for Scooter, just a suggestion. Isa says to Ma all is not lost.

Meanwhile back at the Ranch, the field trip is over & the kids have gotten off the bus, they can hardly contain there excitement as they tell Pilar all the fun new things they learned. Frankie is in major swarm mode..he is laying it on thick with Pilar & tells her of cognac & how fine Montavlo is. Dani & Elvis are doing awesome eyerolling at Frankie’s comments. Elvis says something about his next visit and Pilar totally cuts him off. Dani pats Elvis’s arm. Pilar is one Episcopalian Mass from a summer house at Hyannis Port, she is such a WASP.

The phone rings and Sofie says she’ll answer it. Dani asks where Rod is and Pilar says he left and she doesn’t know where he went.

It is Isa on the phone, she coyly asks if Rod is there, when Sofie says No, Isa enraged says he is with Gavi, but Sofie says no, that he won’t be seeing Gavi. Isa asks if Rod has mentioned her. Sofie tells her NO, but does Isa want to get back with Rod? I’m thinking before homecoming? But Sofie says no she was just curious and the divorce is still on. Isa makes boring small talk and makes the mistake of asking normally couldn’t get a date if she bought one (oh wait she did) Sofie; if she is having fun. Sofie just can’t wait to tell of what a great trip it is since she brought a guest, "Quien" queries Isa while no doubt stiffling a yawn.
Why Frankie, that’s who, Sofie answers. Gotta Go, TWB hangs up and proceeds to smash up the fine glass knick knacks on the coffee table, no doubt the servants will be happy not to dust once they clean up the million tiny shards of glass. Isa’s Ma is muy impacted. Isa is furious cause Rod has not even asked about her…but really we know it is cause Frankie is hanging out with her in-laws and may soon actually be in her in-law.

Rod stops in at the bar in town & James is there. He tries to talk to James, but James walks away, Rod makes nice and James gives him this lame ass punch in the stomach which I am sure didn’t hurt at all, there is some man tussling and hugging…yes in some societies it was a bit much…hey I’m not here to judge, okay I am here to judge, but I’ll give the boys a pass. Rod talks about Gavi & James talks about Meliton wanting to sell the ranch & move Acacia off to a place where you can be free and people won’t judge you just cause you sexually abuse your under age niece, ahhhh paradise.

Fedra & Minnie are at the office, Minnie calls Avellaneda & drops the dime on Gavi…she is a thief and a husband stealer. Avellaneda doesn’t want to believe it, but Minnie is laying it on thick. After the call she as Fedra if she has heard from Aaron, Minnie is unsure of his love (ya think?), Fedra lying through thousands of dollars of dental work…says Aaron adores Minnie & once Minnie has a kid, everything will be swell.

This concludes with…Sofie eternal AssHat gossip telling Pilar that she is sure Isa wants to get back together with Rod…Yipppppppeeee says Pilar

Isa along with the tap dancing uterus is back at the fertility doctor’s office, she tells him she wants to be pregnant like yesterday, the doctor has a really creepy look on his face. I bet I could get this guy to create a half goat half man (I always thought those guys were way entertaining..they can drink a lot and play the flute) jest sayin….
Okay the second half is coming later today………………………



PART DOS……
Ed…disclaimer…certain content of part two maybe disturbing to the more sensitive of the reading audience…proceed with caution…Gawd knows I found this disturbing and I am far from sensitive…

We open with Gavi lamenting her unsucessful job interview. She tells Clarita the problem is she only worked for Montalvo & she’ll get no reference there, well she did work for the Hotel, but that was under her real name Theresa Hernandez. I guess it would be a bit hard to explain how she changed her name from the common Theresa Hernandez, to the more exotic name of MariAnna Franco, that she borrowed off a fake passport…Too Much Information.

Over to the Tequila Saloon in the town of Tequila…Rod tells James how love has done a number on his life…and James says how Meliton won’t let James anywhere near Acacia. Rod says he has an idea.
Just a small complaint…I guess maybe some people do wear those funky "Little Lord Fauntleroy" ties, but I feel this is not a good look for James..it makes him look even less threatening than he normally does.

Gavi is telling Clarita she doesn’t know what to do..all the jobs want experience or at least real references, soon there will be no money & Clarita remembers the great apartment, the swell tele & the plans to live on the island in the cabana with the mother-in-law floor plan. Gavi spits out…hopes dashed by that rat bastard traitor Rod.

Over at Casa de Pilar, the folks have returned to Mexico DF., Villegarey is waiting in the study for Pilar and Frankie lays it on thick with Pilar…

When Pilar leaves the room, Sofie asks if Frankie would like to stay for dinner..no he must go. He does this really creepy thing where he leans in and tells Sofie how he wants to take her to dinner for Lobster (an aphrodisiac) and some kind of crap about antennas, and he is moving his hands all around her face like a magician and her eyes are following his hands. At this very disturbing point…I am totally expecting him to pull a peso outta her control-top-pantyhose, oh wait, he doesn’t have a peso. Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk
Maybe I should cut Sofie some slack here, cause she doesn’t really know Frankie is a man whore, so she doesn’t realize that she could get a much better man whore. She thinks Frankie is really enamoured with her, that is so cute.

Pilar goes in to see Villegarey, who tells her about meeting with Isa. Oh yes, Isa is a great mujer…Not so fast there, says Villegarey, she is a money grubbing opportunist, who plans to nail your family for half of a fortune. ‘Que the Hell’, responds Pilar and her eyes would have widened were it physically possible. Well keep me apprised and she sends Villegarey on his way.

Dani runs into Villegarey & gets kinda snotty with him. She basically accuses him of outting Gavi & Rod. Villegarey say no…Pilar overhears Dani talking and does that old person thing, where they sit in one room and yell cause they think they are missing something. Villegaray says don’t tell Pilar and call me…Dani says okay. Pilar finally ambles in and Dani covers by saying she was on the phone with Elvis saying good nite. Now personally I am not sure which Pilar would find more disturbing.

Back over at Dry Gulch Acres, Rod & James are sitting in the pick up at Meliton’s waiting for his return. I’ve heard stories about things like this….a bottle of Tequila, two guys in a pick-up, it is dark…needless to say, Acacia would be up for adoption in about thirty minutes and Meliton’s body would never be found. The Government in Guererro built a huge dam on the river to send water to Mexico City, they then had to put a huge fence up around it with guards as it became a dumping ground for bodies with rocks tied to the feet….Jes sayin. Anyway Meliton rolls in and everyone exits the trucks. Rod says he wants to buy Dry Gulch Acres, for the prosperous peanut crop, no doubt. Meliton is intrigued. On one condition, Rod says, Acacia stays. Meliton pulls out a rather non-threatening rifle, very small barrel and probably one shot and points it at our boys. Rod pretty much just laughs it off. Meliton say Acacia is not for sale. He tells them to get off his land or they’ll be pushing up daisies. Acacia runs out screaming "No Tio No". Well to sum it all up, the ever-hysterical Acacia breaks up the Mexican StandOff & the boys get back in the truck. James is shouting some day Meliton will pay for his abuse of Acacia. Meliton tells Acacia should they return and he isn’t there to use the gun on them.

Over to Mexico DF, Frankie is going his apartment when he runs into his benefactor, Estaban…after words a deal is reached, Frankie has 30 days to pay Estaban back and land his fish, the wealthy Sofie. Estaban goes in the apartment and TWB, comes home. She & Frankie exchange words in the hallway, he follows her into her apartment. Isa is none too pleased that Frankie has weaseled his way into her in-laws lives. Well it seems this must somehow be her fault as he is suffering over her. There is some serious lip mating here, nasty wide mouth kisses and sliding all over. When they separate and the camera focuses on their faces I expect some nasty wetness, but they must have cut the scenes and toweled them off.

Gavi & Ma still discuss the whole lack of a job thing. Clarita has a light bulb moment, though in her case it is kind of a small nite lite bulb moment, Gavi needs to get a job singing, yeah that’s it cut a demo, damn she’ll be at the top in like a week. Gavi scoffs, no says Clarita, she saw it in a TeleNovela. I gotta say I am getting a bit weary of the TeleNovela references cause hasn’t Clarita noticed that should Gavi bare the Varon, she would no doubt have to dump the kid off at a church, in the pouring rain in Mexico City, while only wearing a thin blanket on her head? Twenty years would pass & then she would have to spend six months begging her kid for forgiveness, while Isa would be living large?

Now back to the lip locking, Isa asks if Frankie loves Sofie? More than life itself, he replies…Nah I’m lyin, he says he is just with Sofie due to his suffering over Isa. She dives in for another, soul sucking kiss and when they separate, she tells him to stay away from her and from her family. Frankie goes in for another kiss and Isa’s Ma is at the door, it is a three way of Muy Impactedness. Frankie departs and Isa’s observant mother queries, what is between you two?

Rod & James arrive back at the Ranch and Roman is all shades of delighted to see Mr. James with Rod, I am sure he is thinking, Thank Gawd, Rod has a little friend to play with and maybe he will quit sitting around crying like a little girl. Roman tells Rod some guy is there to see him. The boys exit to the left, Roman is left the think of the whole Gaviota debacle.
All the sudden Rod has this swell idea, to promote the area as a huge tourist attraction the making of Tequila, the arts, the crafts, the music…I’m thinking it could be the Tequila Crawl, much like the old Philippine crawl, my brother told me about during his Marine stint, or the famous "St Patricks Day Pub Crawl," we engaged in back in my formative years in St. Louis. American College kids would come in droves. Too bad Aldo, turned into an Angel back over on LFMB, cause I am totally sure he could have covered the food part. This appears to be a fine idea and will help out the locals. Rod now has something to do besides lay in a bed with wadded up sheets crying about Gavi. Well done…Well done.

Acacia is sleeping and has a creepy dream that James and Rod come through her bedroom door, she is screaming No, No, No….she awakens and she is terrified…

TWB, tells her Ma the plan to get impregnated, Ma tells her, a child won’t solve their problems. Isa says "au contraire", Pilar is a blunt old woman and she will never let a great grandchild be raised without a father, this will indeed clip the leash back on Rod. Pa will be freed from jail.

The Next Day

Hilario is brushing a horse, SanWanna strolls in and comments that James is back…she makes a nasty remark about Elvis and it seems SanWanna may now her eye on James. Hillario just laughs.

James is recalling a moment with Acacia in her bedroom where he is kissing her and she is lying stiff as a board…this too is a bit disturbing…he smiles thinking how difficult his life is without her. That was not a very passionate or happy past scene, she just looked zombie like…James you think this is a happy memory? Maybe James’s whole sexual experience consists of Sofie & Acacia, cause then I can see thinking the Zombie stiff as a board thing normal.

Clarita awakens Gavi in an overall fit of perkiness..She gives Gavi a pink dress to wear, Gavi doesn’t want to, but Clara says Gavi needs to look the part to sing Ranchero…Oh No the sound of an Anvil….

Whhoooooossssshhhhhh…All the sudden through the miracle of modern technology we are transported to New York City and there are Aaron & Pam sleeping in bed. The cell phone rings, it is Aaron’s lawyer, he is has all the papers ready for the divorce. Aaron tells Pam, she will soon be the lucky winner of the Next Mrs Montalvo Contest. Oh Bichi….

Gavi & Clarita arrive at Titan Music, Gavi is wearing her pink dress, think Ellie Mae. For some reason the past two years of living in Mexico City, evaporate and Gavi & Clairita are shaking off the dust of some unpaved rural town. They are wide eyed and act really, really rural. The guards direct them to an information module. Some snotty receptionist gives them the run-around. Well actually Gavi & Clairita think they will get in to see the head honcho, cut a demo and be out eating Quesadillas, by noon. The receptionist says her boss is in a meeting and can’t see Gavi as she has no appointment or no recommendations. Clara whispers to Gavi & I am saying NO NO NO to the television screen.. Ugggggghhhh, of course Gavi does not take my advise, she bursts into song right there. Oh now this is the most disturbing of all….I am just cringing…people are staring and Gavi is belting out some song…The receptionist yells Basta, stop…Gavi is all like, okay I have a whole repertoire, she starts the Gaviota song…no don’t.. I am begging by this point…The receptionist gets on the phone, the guards come in. Clarita in a display of hampered intelligence thinks the guards are there to escort them to the Jefe’s Office..Gavi realizes they are being kicked out. The guards take them out and the two ladies further embarrass themselves by protesting loudly…finally they are deposited in the street. Gavi is nearly run over by a big SUV that is pulling up at the door, some executive types climb in the back and Gavi is shoving her hands in the window, while belting out another tune. The executive presses something into her hand…Clarita thinks it is a business card..but no it is a coin, looks like about USD maybe fifty cents…Gavi is humilated…well Good at least I’m not in a shame spiral by myself…
Sorry but that was just such a sucky cringe worthy scene….Oh yes I would stick that in my little purse with things against Rod..for later use against him…

Now back to NewYork..Pam is in a bubble bath and she has certainly used all the available bubble bath in lower Manhatten, the phone rings and it is, crazy ass Minnie, she asks when Aaron will be returning and she is sorry for all of her crazy jealousy…she has a big surprise for Aaron when he gets home..camera pans out and she is standing in a fully equipped baby nursery..I hope those little stuffed animal heads have been double stitched cause I think they are gonna take some serious abuse.

Now then stay tuned

Cause it looks like Creepy Chimera creating doctor (yes I still have my heart set on a half goat half man creation), tells Isa she is already pregnant….

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