Caray, Caray!

Jeronimo comes to Coni’s apartment to pick up the blackmail money. Coni is not home from the party, but, in the meanwhile, Jacqui puts the moves on Jero saying she regrets the end of their relationship. Jero, ever jorny, begins to growl and paw at Jacqui. She calls him her Doberman, and advises “Calma, calma”. (Good dog, Jero). He obeys his mistresses command.

In la vecindad, Moni and Lobo have returned from the Grupo Semeño party and Lobo (bad dog!) moves in to punish Valentina with a goodnight grope. Punish, you ask? Yes, punish. Lobo has cottoned on to the fact that M&M have some serious history and is not amused at being used (mad dog!). A rough kiss ensues, but is not returned by Valentina. Why? Well, she tells Lobo that she has lots of history with Mauricio—she loves him but is unable to forgive him for cheating on her with her best friend, Estrella. Lobo looks impactada. Sad dog, sad dog.

Naturally, in the way of telenovelas, we in the audience see a lurking Mau, who observes the whole scene and manages to misinterpret it entirely. Sigh.

Back at the Grupo fiesta I am happy to say we are finally finished with Andres’ INTERMINABLE pop warbling (yesterday’s capitulo). I am telling you, the kid needs lessons from our Hombre. I could cut him some slack if I had heard one solid note sung in a major key, but NO…what we got was wanna-be-Mariah warbling, which only works if you really do have nearly perfect pitch and a multi-octave range. Think Minnie Rippington. Anyway, the only one who seems to be impressed is Luisa, who casts fatuous looks at the stage while Ivan walks off in a huff to be cornered by the man-eating Alexandra. Grrrr.

Now Beto, or, more properly, Roberto “Beto” Ochoa as he styles himself, presents the last act at the Fiesta—a Magician (mago) in a neon blue turban-hat. In fact, it’s such a lame looking turban that this could be the turban equivalent of a clip-on bow tie. The camera pans to the audience where Coni, looking absolutely gorgeous in a black cocktail dress, is very proud of her man Beto and gives him a winsome smile that knocks my socks off. The camera moves right, bringing Marcos into view. He is (somewhat aggressively) brandishing an engagement ring in Nieves’ face. You will recall that in yesterday’s episode he asked Nieves to marry him and he is still awaiting a reply. Nieves questions the size of the offering (Ay, Nieves, NEVER question the size of a love offering!) and bats her eyes in what appears to be surprise. (Viewerville knows Nieves is faking surprise because Beto already let slip Marcos’ intentions). Just as this tender moment is unfolding, El Mago has finished his perusal of the audience seeking a volunteer and has chosen—Nieves!—to join him in the magic act. He explains that his next act of magic will be to make a beautiful woman disappear. And they say timing is everything.

For once the ever-dapper Marcos is caught off-guard and is left waving the ‘tan chiquito’ engagement ring at Nieves ample backside as she heads to the stage for her next adventure. To assist him in the disappearing act, El Mago has recruited some serious blonde talent, a hot tamale in a tomato red dress who ushers a blindfolded Nieves into a large box that looks like a satin-cutained tin coffin standing on it’s head. El Mago makes magician-like sounds, Abra cadabera, abre usted, etc. When the scarlet-garbed blond assistant reopens the box Nieves has disappeared!

Isabel runs into Mau in the courtyard of la vecindad, tortures him for a moment about his reemplazo (replacement-Lobo) and then toddles of with Alicia for a cup of coffee. As usual Alicia is nattering on about what KIND of coffee they will have.

Back at Moni’s place, Lobo is sitting at the kitchen table and she makes him a plain cup of black coffee. Moni asks him what happened with his ex. We learn that she is called “Carolina” and that their relationship of many years duration ended when she cheated on him with his manager, who was like a father to him. ¡Como no! (I can’t imagine why we need to know the ex’s name unless she is somehow going to appear in the story later on).

Back at the Grupo Semeño fiesta, Alexandra joins Luisa center stage with a sharp hip thrust, elastic cleavage and a Mardanin orange-colored dress. Whoa. Serious hubba-hubba. She gives Luisa the once-over with her eyes and announces her intentions. The she-wolf lunges! Alexandra likes Ivan—very much. He is a man and needs a woman like herself—not a girl. (I must say I have to agree with her). Alexandra notes that Luisa is cute…but…Luisa pouts (or maybe she is terrified or furious or sad, but quien sabe when the actress has but one facial expression). Andres comes over to Luisa and she asks him to do her a favor and take her home. Moments later Ivan returns and the Scheming Tangerine Alexandra informs him that Luisa has just departed with the singer from the band, looking very happy. (Bad dog, Alexandra).

“Los pies”, Coni complains about her poor sore feet as she returns from the party to her apartment. Behind her, Jaqui swooshes by from stage left to stage right and offers her daughter a quick hello. Jacqui is in her robe and looks like she is ready to roll. (Of course, when have we ever known Jaqui NOT to be ready to roll)? Coni answers a call from Isabel with a charming, “What do you want, Isabel”? Behind Coni Jacqui now makes a return swoosh across from stage right to stage left, holding a can of whipping cream as she asks Coni not to disturb her. Just then, who should make his own move, skipping from stage left to stage right, but Jorny Jero, dressed only in boxers and a T-shirt. It cannot be!

Meanwhile on the telephone, Isabel is proposing to help???? Coni. They agree to meet early tomorrow morning. Coni, now off the telephone, is muy impactada at the sight of Jeronimo and asks what he is doing. Jero replies that he wants the blackmail money from Coni. Oh no!

As the party winds down Marcos is pissed that Nieves has truly disappeared. He unmasks El Mago as Don Cesar and is ready to take action when El Mago pulls a trick out of his sleeve. Pouf, there is a large amount of smoke and Cesar disappears.

Beto and Mauricio are en la vecindad. Mau knows that Monita has gone into her home with Lobo. Mau discovered them kissing but he trusts Beto to make a distraction to interrupt Lobo and Monita. Beto says he has the situation under control. Mau knocks on the door, runs away to hide and leaves Beto to answer to an angry Moni. (Wow, Mau, that took some stones). “What do you want Beto”? Beto, thinking on his feet, asks Monita if she wants to help find his Mama because she disappeared at la fiesta. Moni isn’t buying it. She slaps Beto and orders him back to his Mommia.

In her apartment, L Mommia Constanza drops the maletin (briefcase) full of money that she got from her Daddy in front of Jero. And now, wow-wow, we have found what makes Jero truly happy. He disappears into groans of orgiastic excess, kissing and caressing the greenbacks. Finally he remembers that Jacqueline is waiting and he skips off to get drinks and enjoy an evening of passion.

Nieves’ blindfold is coming off. She has been kidnapped—by Don Cesar. He has prepared them a candlelit love nest, and begins the verbal seduction, “No puedo perder…Tu es la mujer de mi vida, Nieves me engañaste”, cries Don Cesar. (I cannot lose you, you are the woman of my life, Nieves, you cheated me…) Cesar continues his love talk; he believes he will make her very happy. “Vuelve con mi, regresa a mi, Nieves,” Cesar croons. Nieves is overcome by these romantic words of love and falls into Don Cesar’s open arms. (Don Cesar is so darling and romantic that I think I would fall into his arms, and he is NOT my type).

Isabel comes home to Monita’s and Lobo takes his leave of them both. Hissy says that Lobo is muy guapo and Moni confesses their kiss but her heart is still with Mauricio.

At Coni’s place, Jero heads back to Jacqui’s bedroom caressing his malatin like, no doubt, he hopes he will soon be caressing Jaqueliney. Seduction begins but Jero is no Hero. He can’t get truly into it until he shows Jacqueline the money. Sigh. Such a romantic scene (NOT!) and the maletin (the real source of Jero’s desire) moves just out of viewerville’s sight as Jero promises Jaqui the world and she proclaims him rich as a King. With the extra lubrication provided by el dinero they do the deed.

The night of passion has passed and Jero wakes up to an empty maletin and a note from Jaqui thanking him for the money. He curses himself for a fool (too right!) and a stupid person (Duh!) and slaps his own face after each insult. He tries to call Jaqui but receives no answer because…

Jaqui and Costeño are meeting Mau at the airport! Jaqui waxes poetic about the experience of Venice by moonlight because she and Costeño are on their way to Italy. Jaqui hands Mau the much-traveled (bank to Marcos to Coni to Jeronimo to Jaqui) maletin full of money and says that this is the best she could do to recover Mau’s money for him. Now she is off to a sweet trip with Costi. “Costeño, mi amor, vamanos”! And with a “Toodles” glance over her shoulder, she sashays on to the plane. What a woman! I’ll miss her.

We now have a moment with Nieves and Don Cesar in the afterglow of love and 1000 candles. They have on matching pink feathered headbands and thank each other for the magical night of love. Sweet.

Cut back to Moni’s place, where Isabel and Coni begin their rendezvous with an exchange of nasty attitude. Unbeknownst to Isabel, Alicia is lurking within with her laundry basket, and hears all of Hissy’s evil plans for Monita. Yes, Isabel says that in their upcoming fight, Coni will best Moni in the ring and that on that day Valentina will die. Coni’s face shows that she cannot believe it (Yeah! She does have a conscience!). “What are you saying Isabel”? Coni asks Isabel if she is really serious.

Isabel says, “Yes, I am serious, Valentina is going to die”. Coni is shocked and tells Isabel that she is capricious, to which Isabel replies that, “Death is capricious”. OK, Isabel has moved into a clear diagnosis of BSC (Bat Sh!# Crazy). Right now, she could give Carlota from ENDA a run for her money. “Do you understand the opportunity I am offering you”, Hissy asks Constanza? Coni looks truly horrified while Alicia—still lurking with the laundry—finally grocks just who Hissy is.

Quick cut to a nightmare inside Rolu’s head. (Who cares)? Rolu dreams he is falling—again. This time Arnie has pushed him off the balcony. Xime hears Rolu cry out and bustles in to explain the nightmare by recapping his previous history of falling off of high places. (Yawn.)

Jero is desperate. He has just ripped off Oscar and, been ripped off in turn by Jacqueline. He tries to call Jacqui. No luck there, so he is on the horn to Gabriella. Where is the money she promised him? He tells her that the detective is a goner and offers Gabi one last chance to trap Oscar.

To the great relief of your recapper and Gancholandia Coni says “No”, to Isabel’s hideous offer and weakly suggests that she will win anyway. Just then, Isabel pulls out the dread red envelope, given to Hissy by evil Oscar, in which she has the incriminating photos of Coni and “dead” Sal. “Valentina will die, anyway”, hisses Issy. Still eavesdropping, Alicia looks like she is going to suffer a stroke as she hears the full extent of Isabel’s perfidy. Isabel threatens Coni to force her to cooperate in Hissy’s dastardly scheme, and our lanky beauty finds herself trapped between the gangster and the cobra. Which way will she turn?

Gancholanders: Please correct anything that needs correcting and add anything you find edifying. I am sure I missed some details.

Elna June

Labels: gancho