Caray, Caray!

Okay. I am totally freaked out. Those creepy writers have kept Gretel in the wine cellar for two years....in the same pair of jeans and t-shirt! We still have no info on the bathroom arrangements (a pail?). And clearly there are no shower facilities. Not a toothbrush or hairbrush in sight. Just one stringy blanket and some food scattered here and there. Give. Me. A. Break. Hell's Bell's, give Gretel a break. It's absurd. But alright, let's get on to the rest of the new stuff that happened last night.

You remember the business from before, right? Emanuel doing his Garbo I vant to be alone schtick. Mari vowing to live and not be vanquished. And then the little Matilde pregnant pastiche from Amor Real, where she passes through each column and is more and more pregnant...only this time it's Manny, passing through trees, getting out of his wheelchair, then walking and finally running well enough to compete again.

Also, Mari jumps into the pool a fattie (how'd you like to be the person chosen to play that part?) and as she swims across, becomes leaner and more sculpted until voilà. Disney music plays and she emerges from the pool svelte and gorgeous in a bikini. Still don't like her hair though.

So, onto the new stuff: She and Tia Carlota are discussing the changes. Two years ago she couldn't swim across the pool. Now she's a champ. Well, she did it for her parents. Just them? queries Carlota. Are you sure it isn't for Emanuel as well? Heated denials. Yeah, right.

Back in Mexico, Eman's winning a race. He's an International Champion and Fedra's thrilled. That's my boy! Illitia likewise. That's my fiancé! Big smooch. And......

Big creep. Lorenzo, I mean. He's doing his usual number off in the woods, taking leering photos of a new young model and promising her a spot in the next tanning lotion commercial. Good to know he hasn't changed at all during the last two years. Consistency is his greatest quality.

Nearby, Fedra's dousing her champion son with champagne, Kristel is giving Ilitia all the credit for the triumph (behind every great man is a woman) and Axel is pooh-poohing the whole thing. Manny did it for himself, he maintains...by his own strength. The girls pretty much ignore him and Ilitia trots up to present the trophy. And now comes that special moment. Emanual dedicates it to......drumroll...... his cousin Marianela. Way to go fella. Ilitia looks pissed.

Eman's still the subject of conversation twixt Carlota and Mari. Tia reminds her he called every day for so long. And she also remembers Mari looking at the phone pensively. How could she forget him? Well, he hasn't tried for a month now, notes Marianela.... and besides, he tried to poison me! How do do expect me to have any feelings for him at all!? Satisfied that she's over him, Carlota crows, Then now I know you're ready to return to Mexico and claim what's yours!

No way, vows Mari. Undeterred, Carlota muses that one day, like it or not, she'll have to go back. Anyone want to take bets on how soon it will be?

Back at the race, Axel continues to rain on Ilitia and Kristel's parade, pointing out that if Marianela comes back, "Adios boda" (good-bye wedding). We can but hope.

Well, Emanuel's race (which looked pretty dinky) must in fact be Big News in Mexico because the closing ceremony, if you will, is on TV and who should see it but Gladiola, presently engaged in giving Netty a pedicure. Umbrage and outrage at the dedication to cousin Mari. What a cynical guy! How dare he!? And it's all his fault that Netty is so unhappy and missing her little niece. And what about Gladiola, missing her little daughter Doris, adrift in that Land of Perdition, the US!!

Well, of course Doris is having her own triumph, winning first place in some Make-up Competition and dedicating the prize to her family whom she misses terribly.

So, a tidy little wrap-up here before the ads. Mari has triumphed over fatness; Eman over paralysis; Doris over second-rate make-up skills. Time for everybody to get back to Mexico and start mixin' it up!

Brief recess while I confer with the guys replacing our furnaces (we have two). Yes, it's 20 degrees outside, the door's been opening and closing all day, both furnaces off but now I learn I might have a little heat while I watch the show. Right now it's brrrrrrrrrrr. But...I missed something while we were talking. The police are closing in on somebody. Will figure it out later. Because now we switch to the orphanage where Muñeca is clutching a valise of cash. Some Robin Hood criminal type, sought after by the police, has just funded the orphanage with some needed cash. This guy can't be all bad, muses our Doll. Just then-- uproar. It's the baby of the orphanage who just fell from a tree, the little rascal. Yes, it must be Begoña's baby all grown up. Doesn't sound good for Begoña. But maybe she's better off dead than stuck in a wine cellar in the same pair of jeans and t-shirt for two years. Just sayin'.

Okay. Back to the police. They storm a place and come up empty. Then a man enters. You're el Lirio de Plata, they yell. No, I'm not. Hmmm.. did I talk THAT LONG to the furnace men? I have no idea what's going on here. And neither does the guy they take into custody.

Zoom zoom. Back in Spain. In a restaurant. With Tia Carlota and Mari. Now forgive me, but I still think Mari's hair looks awful. Kind of limp and uninteresting. And Ilitia's hair is wretched. Those stupid bangs and shaggy lengths! Jeez. Is she trying to look like the old Mari, only thinner? Her asymetrical cut was so flattering and fashion forward. Wha' happened!? On the other hand, I DO like Muñeca's ironed-flat hair. And the point is, I guess, the Passage of Time. With women, coiffures change. Except with Fedra. Same serpentine ringlets.

Well, the Passage of Time has not dimmed Carlota's quest to repair the hideous damage she's done to Gretel, Paula and Max. She's got the detective still looking for Gretel and won't die before she's righted the wrong. And BAM! God strikes her dead.

Well, okay...not dead. But He gives he a helluva blow and next thing we know she's in bed in blue jammies exhorting Mari to make the trip for the publicity junket anyway. Don't worry about her health. She has someone to take care of her.

Chamber of Horrors time. Gretel. Yes, the Passage of Time has made a rip in her t-shirt sleeve. Otherwise, it's the same outfit. And same hair of course. And same litany. I'm Gretel. I have three siblings..... Enter Fedra dearest with a plate of food and a tad of repugnance. As Gretel scurries like a wild animal off with her chow, Fedra notes that Bernardo really needs to clean up in here more often. Really. This doesn't. bear. thinking. about. Shoot the writers someone please! Gretel has turned into a crazed animal. But frankly how could she be anything but? Carlota's going to be roasting somewhere big-time for her part in this.

We find ourselves with the police chief now. He's bound and determined to make this poor boob they've collared confess to stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. The fella looks confused. And unlikely to be the culprit. So let's get back Fedra and her little family gathering. She's toasting Emanual's dual triumph in sports and relationships. He's about to be married to Ilitia whose patience and tender care helped him regain use of his legs. Jacqui, who's become the girlfriend of Eman's best bud, slithers over and gives him a kiss. Ilitia gives her the evil eye. But then toasts to Love as an Epidemic. Their romance is catching. Here here! Emanual starts musing about Mari again and Ilitia breaks in with "Ya es 'too much'!" You should have dedicated the prize to me. Yep. Our Ilitia is pissed. And totally reverted to bitchaholic. We know this doesn't bode well for the Boda. Let's think about that while we're subjected to more ads.

Nope. Not boding well at all. Seems it's the next day but Manny stood Ilitia up last night. Here she was with champagne and everything and he's a no show. Well, he's tired. And please, no questions. Don't try and control me. But you should be thinking about me all the time, she protests. Dark days ahead. No doubt about it.

Back to Carlota and her blue jammies. Mari's getting ready to leave for her publicity trip. How nifty is it that she's in the same business as Emanual, no? But what should arrive but Another Letter from HIM. Almodena (lady who's caring for Carlota) thinks she should read it...and answer it, goldurnit! After all the letters he's written, it's the least she could do. Mari begs to differ. And leaves.

But what's this? A stretch limosine. White. Another wedding? Nope. Exit the barrio lawyer. Followed by Netty who has evidently reclaimed her telenovela stardom. A small clot of fans shrieks and cheers and waves papers to be autographed. Netty obliges.

Back to the police. And confusion as far as I'm concerned. Chief is cogitating. This Lirio de Plata must be an orphan. We need to check out the orphanages to find a record of him. He's very intelligent, subtle, shrewd. He always picks parties of rich folks to make his strike. Hmmmm. Just then the door opens and Oliver, looking like he spent the last two years in the wine cellar with Gretel, pokes his ghastly head in. And gets rousted. Is this how you respond to a rise in rank!? You're not worthy of the uniform! Go home! Take a bath! Clean up! Oliver's sulking. Leave me alone. I'm stressed. Police chief leaves but Brandon's not having it. He grabs Oliver in a big ol' man hug and cradles his head while Oliver bleats about "this pain in my heart and soul". Dude, you have it so much easier than poor Gretel. So man up and find the girl already!

Emanual's back at work, grousing at people on the set about a wrinkled piece of fabric. In other words, He's Not Happy. And Dad knows it. Emiliano takes him aside and begs him not to marry Ilitia. He knows Son will be miserable if he marries the wrong woman. Ah, but Emanual has no choice. Ilitia stood beside him during all his recuperation. Pushing his wheelchair. Encouraging him. And where was Marianela? Couldn't even answer one letter! Ever! Manny stalks off. Emiliano looks perturbed. End of scene.

Red Alert. Tia Carlota, still in the same blue jammies, has taken a turn for the worse. Almodena decides to call her family in Mexico. Mientras tanto, Mari's at the airport with a weedy looking guy named Jorge. Guess he must be Manny's competition. He's got that fruity Spanish accent and is all flirty, calling her "hermosa", removing her glasses and hinting she could be model material herself if she wanted to be. Yuck. Well, for sure he wants her to work in his publicity agency. In the creative section. 'Cause she's so creative. Experience not necessary. Just love your work (and me, subtext). She says "yes". To the work, anyway. Not liking where this is going.

Bernardo and Fedra. Also not liking where things are going. Seems they've heard about this Lirio de Plata guy too. Hell, it must be Chema. Come back from..... wherever. It's no coincidence. And could be dangerous for Fedra. She could be recognized. Aha! Chickens coming home to roost. About time. Just then the phone rings. It's Almodena. Bernardo answers, passes the phone to Fedra, who plays like she's worried about "her aunt" and vows to arrive on the very next plane to see how she is. Grinning idiotically, she reassures Bernardo that she's going to get her hands on every last centavo of Carlota's money and that's that. Bernardo fusses that it's too close to the wedding to be gallivanting off to Spain but Fedra's cool with that. She'll zip in and zip out (and no doubt dispatch Carlota to the next world) and make it to the church on time. No problem.

Big problem with Mari though. Skivvy little Jorge hands her a Mexican newspaper. You guessed it. Emanual and Ilitia's marriage is front page news. Our plucky little Mari sheds some tears behind those humongous , unflattering glasses. Jorge doubts that she's over her grand amor. She swears she is. Just...well, the picture shook her up a little (me movió el tapete) They agree memories must be buried and their flight is announced.

Ah memories. Seems Nereida has parlayed her memories of the Kristel-Mauricio tryst videotape into an elevation of rank. She's now Head Housekeeper, with a swank outfit, and frequent dustups with Kristel. The latest scandal is someone has burned one of Kristel's frocks and she wants someone to pay for it. Nereida declines, and also makes a malicious remark about Mauricio's frequent trips out of town. Trouble in Paradise? It will be interesting to see what he's been up to in the last two years. But first, more ads.

Now we're in the final countdown of the episode. Here's how it wraps up. Netty has a Secret Admirer who keeps sending her flowers. Shall we guess it's Emiliano?

And Fedra's off to Spain. But telling Emiliano she's off to Switzerland. To check on Gretel. Who's finally allowed to see people. But noooo, not you Emiliano. You stay here and tend to the wedding while I fly off to see how her treatment's going. Bye! Emiliano looks perturbed. Again.

Jacqui and Eman's skanky buddy are filming a commercial about a product that gives you kisses without bad breath. Insensitive doofus buddy envies Manny's coming nuptials and canoodling with that luscious body named Ilitia. Manny sighs and notes that his buddy still doesn't realize it takes more than a body to make a man happy. Fine, says doofus, but let's relax and toss back a few brewskis and talk about it.

Nereida's flown into the kitchen ready to raise Hell and fire Delicia over the scorched dress. Paula and Delicia make fun of her and her pretentions. And Axel forbids her from firing anybody. Good stuff.

Bad stuff at Ilitia's. She's being a Bridezilla about the colors the wedding planner picked out for the tables. She wanted beige and burgundy, this idiot brought her vanilla and old rose. Out! Bye! Come back with better stuff. Chauffeur and maid watch this with squinchy disapproving faces. Bridezilla doesn't notice. She wants them to fetch her stylist and the poor wretch designing her wedding cake. But wait! She's smiling. A huge bouquet has arrived. Joy. It must be from Emanuel. She opens the note.

And a sinister note it is indeed. "I'm nearby. And I have a very special wedding present for you. Mauricio Fonseca."

Ooooh. Creepy. Muñeca, who is hovering by her daughter's side, looks perturbed. So does Ilitia.

A lot of Perturbing tonight folks. And that's it.

Previews:
Fedra wants the wedding to be the social event of the year.
Eman's buddy is worried that he has one foot in church while his mind's still on another woman.
Eman says he needs to have Marianela look him right in the eye and tell him she doesn't love him before he'll believe it.

Vocabulary:

ama de llaves = housekeeper (a rank above mere maid. and one Nereida holds now)
me movió el tapete = shook me up. (sometimes has a romantic meaning, but not here)

estirar la pata = kick the bucket, die. (what Tia Carlota's about to do)
todo se va a arreglar = everything's going to be alright (Brandon's reassurance to a distraught Oliver)

Dicho of the Day

Aunque la mona se vista de seda, mona se queda. Lit. a monkey dressed in silk is still a monkey. Fig. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Delicia and Paula, making fun of Nereida in her fancy outfit and presumptuous ways.

Labels: llena