Caray, Caray!

All the wrong people are getting together tonight. And even the right folks who hook up soon split apart again. Just another hurtin' night in Telenovelaland. Muñeca appears to sell her body, if not her soul, to Garduño in return for getting Christian back. Jorge teams up with Fedra (they both have incriminating info about the other) in order to win Mari/Vicky and her fortune. (See! Manzanita told you he was a bad guy!) Brandon and Ilitia make love (it wasn't just sex, he proclaims) but fall out in the morning when she admits she could never live a life of “poverty” with him. Kristel decides to drop both Lorenzo and his little package Christian in the hopes of furthering her Top Model Career. And Captain José is still trying to figure out how old buddies Juana Felipe and Bernardo could have turned to a life of crime. Evidently the obvious answer “Because it pays” didn't occur to him.And since Univision is still making casseroles by combining two different episodes, we also have a great scene of Emiliano trying to beat the bejesus out of Lorenzo, when our aging slimeball comes to ask Emi for the hand of his daughter. Suffice it to say the request didn't go well. But it sure was fun to watch!

As the show begins, for one heart-stopping moment, we think that Muñeca is willing to be Garduño's woman in return for offing Lorenzo. Whew. What a relief to know she only wants Low to pay by losing custody of Christian. And what she really really really wants? Why a night of candlelight, wine and a game of Maratón with her favortite adversary. Garduño (“Call me León”) is only too happy to oblige...on all counts.

We have our obligatory clichés: “Esto no puede ser” after Ilitia and Brandon's first go-round in the sheets. We swore it wouldn't happen again, he laments. “It was bigger than both of us”, she replies. (not touching that one). This is the third time we've made love and twice you were drunk, muses Brandon. He's clearly experiencing post-coital depression. A common ailment. Ilitia allows as how she's messed up, stressed about being adopted and what not. But what really torments her is what she feels for Brandon. She really desires him (me gustas mucho) So c'mere big guy. And he does. Presumably for Round Four.

The Maratón game seems to be going swimmingly but is interrupted by a call. It's Magela (the model agency head) letting Muñeca know her daughter is drunk (muy pasada de copas) and if she's not straight by morning and ready to work, no agency will ever hire her again. (This part was left out in tonight's casserole.)

That ends the Maratón game, but a new one begins. Garduño, now on a first-name basis, wants to know how he can help his worried woman friend. What can he do to lift her spirits? he wants to know, while tenderly covering her hand with his. He counsels that nothing can be done for Ilitia until the next day. But as for Christian...no problem. Lorenzo is his slave, he sold his soul to me (as he says this, he slides behind Muñeca chair and caresses her hair (yuck!) so I can promise that tomorrow you'll hold and kiss your little Christian again.

But wait! In the next scene, we see Kristel at Magela's apartment to pick up Christian? Will this mess up the rescue attempt? Stay tuned.

Fedra and Jorge (whom she delights in calling “Mi George”) are playing an extended cat and mouse game. She tweaks him for being the lame husband of Marianela while wanting Vicky. Who's been in her son Eman's bed. But now she ups the ante by affirming that she knows the Meatball and the Spaghetti are one and the same. No way says Jorge, whipping out his wedding photo. “Que mal foto-shop” snaps Fedra. And my friend Bernardo is in jail for forging documents. Do you want to go to jail for forging photos? Sum total of this go-round. Jorge and Fedra have interests in common. But since she's trying to bring down" the woman he loves", he can't be her ally. Clearly only a temporary setback.

Oh my. Kristel's still at the apartment and having plunked Christian down on the floor, she struts her stuff for Magela. Top Model right? D'ya think you could make me an even bigger name than Ilitia? Sure. With your body and attitude (a delighted Christian seems to agree) you could be hot stuff. But not if your “big dream” is to get married. Nopis. Kristel is ready to do whatevah to be famous. Good-bye Lorenzo. Good-bye Christian.

Now the 411 on Jorge. He's walking down Memory Lane, remembering his rushed proposal and also Tia Carlota's suspicions. She told him right off that if Marianela accepted his proposal (even though Tia thought she was still in love with Eman), he would have to renounce all rights to the fortune she would inherit from her dear departed dad. You offend me Doña Carlota, huffs Jorge. No matter. This is a huge amount of money. One people would kill for.

And yes indeed, muses Jorge. Fedra did kill for it....and did me a favor in the process. (Oh he's bad bad bad!) His memories then take him further to a day when Marianela, in her fat suit, is holding the doll that Doris saved for her. The doll that held the important papers concerning Fedra's past. (Okay, the previous two paragraphs weren't in tonight's viewing either. But I think they're important. They already show that Jorge may be in this for the money.)

Oh dear. Round Four (or was it three?) isn't ending well. Ilitia appears to be having regrets. Brandon's chapped that for her, he's only a policeman, a “muerto de hambre” (poor devil) incapable of giving her the life of luxury she wants. Well, yeah. She's never known “poverty” and doesn't want to. Now that you're 'satisfied', and you know what I mean, he snarls, I'm going down to have breakfast. And off he stomps, in spite of her plaintive “no se vayas”.

More games. Eman and Mama Fedra. He wants to know if she had anything to do with Vicky's upset last night. And what about this José whom she introduced as her lawyer the other day? Our Eman, though not nearly as dim as Emiliano, is still no match for Mom. She evades all his queries with an “I don't want to talk about the Past” and a pointed reminder that what he'd better do is work on saving his marriage. Drop this Vicky dame.

A somewhat pointless discussion in Vicky's office at the agency. (probably will be cut if they're merging episodes). Doris is gushing at how romantic the idea of dinner in a puente peotonal was. Jorge thinks it was a lousy idea and wants these shenanigans to stop. Eman's in love with a fantasy. No, sez Doris. She exists. The sweet Marianela is deep inside you, Vicky, and that's whom Eman loves. Vicky recalls her pain when Eman burned his letters to Marianela. Doris whips out her own cliché. You must “luchar por su amor”, for “el hombre de tu vida”. (Surely no translation needed. Even if you've only been watching telenovelas for a week.) From there they segue into worries about Fedra knocking out Vicky to get her fingerprints. They decide Marianela from come back immediately and Doris gets busy on the fat suit. The scene ends with Jorge, reminiscent of Garduño, kissing Vicky's head and vowing to do whatever he can to protect her. (This scene was truncated also. But who needed those clichés anyway?)


In another deleted scene, Fedra's hitting the bottle while musing that she has to get rid of Captain Chema or else that bruja's predictions will come true. No Love and Compassion for you, old amante. I'll get rid of you just like I did Lorenzo.

Shazam! In storms Muñeca. Fedra actually looks scared for a moment and then jumps up to fake hug and fake console her for her loss. What loss!? He's not dead!" Que bueno"Fedra weakly replies. What I want is to see Kristel, continues Muñeca. And presto, she appears. Only to to hand over Christian. Muñeca hugs him fiercely and little Chris smiles like the little Lorenzo he is. Quite content to nestle against any and all attractive bosoms.

Papa Lorenzo isn't doing as well. Comes home, not to an amante, but several armed men, plus Garduño and his lawyer. With papers. Sign these. A divorce. Without a penny from Muñeca. And no custody of Christian either. Impassioned protests. Cool reply: I'm going to have your woman. She's close to el Lirio de Plata and therefore a good investment. Which you didn't take care of. So she's mine. Either as a divorcée or a widow. You decide.

He signs. And weeps. “Que tengas un bonito dia” is Garduño's final thrust as he and his posse clear out.

A little tension back at the Mansion de Terror. Kristel smarmily apologizes to both Fedra and Muñeca for taking their husband or lover as the case applies. Fedra and Kristel both have “whoopsies” looks on their faces as Muñeca storms out in disgust. Now it's time for a little mother-daughter reconciliation. Heck, Kristel is so like Fedra, she's a mirror. And bless you darlin' you scare me to death! And you terrify me, mami, chortles Kristel. Fake hugs. Fake peace. But they're fun to watch, aren't they?

Jorge and Fedra are fun too. They're continuing cat and mouse, now in her office. She's threatening to bring him down along with Vicky now that she has proof that Meatball and Spaghetti are from the same Skillet (sartén). He then vows to tell everyone about her “amorios”. Big deal. Muñeca already knows and Emiliano had an affair with Netty. So what else ya got?

Well, he's got copies of those papers his father-in-law Luis Felipe kept about her origins “Juanta Felipe Pereth” he lisps. Checkmate.

Back to jail. Chema's hanging on the bars wanting to know more about how Bernardo and Juana Felipe wound up living happily ever after, thieving and killing, in the Ruiz y de Teresa mansion. Seems the Ruiz y de Teresa son (cue a younger version of Emiliano, muy guapo!) is strolling on the rocks, just as Juana Felipe, emerges from the waters like a modern day Venus. She smiles and he's a goner. (Too bad this scene was cut. The younger Emiliano is worth a view.)

But what about her son? Where is he? Bernardo turns away.

And we're suddenly back with Marianela. Chunky, cheery and in her fat suit. Eman knocks at the door of Vicky's office. Doris panics but not our Mari. Let him in, let him see me, she says confidently.

But they decide caution is the better part of valor. Instead Mari/Vicky whisks into the bathroom, pleading a case of the trots due to her intolerance of spicy Mexican food. That pretty well ensures that Eman won't bust into the bathroom. Whew!

Jorge and Fedra are still negotiating. He accuses her of knocking out Vicky to get her fingerprints and she's chortling that thank God the whale lost some weight. Otherwise it would have taken three gallons of chloroform to make her lose consciousness. As far as she's concerned, she's holding all the castanets but he threatens to reveal her sordid love affairs to one and all. Pish tush! Muñeca already knows and Emiliano rumpled the sheets with that cheap actress Netty. So you got nuthin' mi George. Not so fast. Good ol' George pulls out some copies of the papers that Gretel burned. Thus he has proof that Eman is probably not Emiliano's son. If so, he won't get a dime of the Ruiz y de Teresa fortune. And we're talking a lot of money (lana) smiles Jorge, his eyes lighting up. And what will your son think when he learns you were a port of call prostitute, selling your body to all and sundry. Sooooo....shall we be allies, or enemies to the death?

Now we're into the next episode. Emanuel's been dispatched to the pharmacy to get the Mexican version of Kaopectate. And back at the Mansion de Terror, Lorenzo has stormed in demanding to see "Her". Whom? sniffs Delicia. Kristel's not here. And neither is Fedra, she snickers. Emil appears, in high dudgeon, wanting to know why Lorenzo is yelling for his daughter. And the fun begins. Well...okay. Not yet. We've suddenly back with Brandon and Ilitia.

She's in a fetching but skimpy bathing suit and he's hyperventilating. Lordy, she's not going out like that, half-nude is she!? Indeed she is. This is a bathing suit fashion show. Not maternity dresses. And besides, I haven't got any cellulite or stretch marks as you very well know. Brandon breathes a little harder and appears to change color. Well, I'm really going to have to watch the guys if you're parading around like that. (Poor guy. He's clearly a goner. But Ilitia...not so sure...) As he turns to go, though, she admires his manly backside and murmurs sweet nothings to herself about his savage gorilla appeal. (Okay, she's a half-gonner. But the Ruiz y de Terese fortune still holds as much appeal for her as it seems to do for Jorge.)

Back to our boys, Emi and Low. Lorenzo is nervously explaining that he and Muñeca are now divorced. Good, rumbles Emil. She's been sick of you for a long time. And I of her, cheerily replies Lo. And I've met someone new. Love her with all my heart body and soul! Your daughter.

E- Whaaaaat!? My daughter!? What kind of man are you? A pervert? A degenerate!? First you steal millions from my agency, then after Mau dumps her at the altar, you move in and seduce her!?

This tirade is delivered as Emi chases Lo round and round the dining room table and then the chase and fight moves out to the pool.

Oh shucks. Just when it was getting good, we're back in the office. Vicky's back in her Vicky body; Doris has packed Marianela in a big sack and Eman's returned wondering what that huge bag is for. Er, um, it's a giant chicken. We've got a new client for instant soup and that's one of the props.

Well, hey, he's not that interested anyway. He wants to nibble on Vicky's neck and tell her how he couldn't sleep all night thinking about her. She's in her NoNoNo routine. People might come in. Square things with Ilitia first. The usual. He's like "It's just a piece of paper." (Wow, I can remember hearing that argument in my youth.) And I can't live without you. Grab grab. Kiss kiss kiss kiss. Borrrrring.

So back to Emi and Low. Pausing to catch his breath, Emi gasps "Did you lay a hand on her?" Low looks at all ten fingers, shrugs and indicates "Sure did Pops" On to the pool. Lo is now near collapse and wheezes that they're both too old for this. And he's about to have a heart attack. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR MY DAUGHTER, THAT'S WHAT! AND YOU'RE A COWARD. Nope, you're the coward sneers Lo. You never had the guts to divorce Fedra and marry your Netty. At least I'm taking steps.

Lots more fighting. Lo seems to be having a ball leaping in and out of the water in mock battle. Emi's definitely tiring. And now they have a shocked audience. First Benigno and the maids. Then Kristel arrives, horrified, and shrieks in English for them to STOP. Axel and Gretel join the scene. Nereida informs them that Lorenzo has had a fling with that "facilonga" (easy bit) of a sister. Gretel wants to know if Kristel is planning to bed every man she knows. (well, pretty much, yes.)

Oh well. Back to the office. Eman caves and promises to wait for Ilitia to return and sign divorce papers. A few kisses and a nibble on the knuckle will have to hold him until that day.

Now we see Vicky, in need of fresh air after all that nuzzling, sitting in the park outside the agency with Jorge. She's telling him she can offer him nothing but friendship. And he's not liking it. So he leaves, but not without telling her that she needs him and that Fedra is determined to get her at all costs.

But evidently not before Mauricio does. Right after his exit, Mau comes up from behind, grabs her around the throat and warns her not to scream. He's armed and dangerous.

Previews:
Ilitia, Fedra and Jorge are having a pow-wow on separating Vicky and Emanuel forever! Fedra's advice is for Ilitia to get pregnant as soon as possible. Ilitia perks up at the idea.
Doris sees Mau pushing Vicky into a car and sounds the alarm.
Mau leers at Vicky and vows that she's going to be "his".
Netty and Glad are hysterical and tell Emanuel he must do something to rescue Vicky.

Vocabulary:
desvelarme = to reveal myself, to let myself be known. (Muñeca to Garduño. And he's all for it.)
te comen las ansias = you're nervous, anxious, worried (Fedra to Jorge)
ponernos las pilas = get a move on (Doris, talking about the need to bring back Marianela, in order to fool Fedra)
no me dejaste otra salida = you left me no other choice (Garduño to Lorenzo)
sonando las castañuelas = lit. playing the castanets fig. "I hold all the cards". Fedra to Jorge.
rest of the vocabulary is embedded

Dicho of the Day

Dios los cria y ellos se juntan. Bird of a feather flock together. (Choose which characters you think this applies to.)

Labels: llena