Caray, Caray!

[Done from memory, without notes...because WHY SHOULD I WORK HARDER THAN THE WRITERS?]

Roger gets all prettied up for the jailhouse wedding. We know he's a good guy now coz they finally found him some shoes that don't clash with his suit. Paty has more fabric in her left sleeve than the whole rest of her dress, casual. They kind of fast-forward through the ceremony, which in typical Mexican fashion has five times more document-signing than kissing, but juarevs -- everyone's all smiles. No lasso of love, but I guess it's not the venue. Domi catches the bouquet, and she and Cantu do the happy dance.

Afterward the beaming couple repair to the rose-petal strewn prison infirmary conjugal suite, where Paty strips down to a particularly fetching Federico's of Monterrey number that has Rog's eyes popping. She bounces around on the bed, urging him to come and get it, rise and shine, throw away those crutches and walk, baby -- and he does! It's sort of a cross between Joanna Spyri's Heidi and a Viagra commercial, and yes, that's as creepy as it sounds. I don't think the monkeys should be allowed to collaborate. They have such different visions.

In the afterglow, Rog tearfully confides to his wife that he may never see her again, because of the death threat and all. Que que what? Then you must escape -- escape from prison! As soon as possible! She eyes the wheelchair and appears to get a brilliant idea, which we never hear another word about for the rest of the episode. I think they let the dormouse have that scene, and he climbed back into the teapot and went to sleep and no one noticed.

Many hijinks ensue in the Purple Towers as the employees plan the surprise party for Jesus, including a silly device in which everyone starts whistling as soon as he walks in the room. He's expending way more effort trying to figure out what the gremio is up to than getting Rog transferred to a nice safe wheelchair prison, which I don't understand. Doesn't he like surprises? As part of the prep the chicos rehearse some choreography that includes several signature Julio moves, including Gum on the Shoe, Stomp the Balloon, I Showered Today, and Sand in My Clothes. A good time is had by all.

Meanwhile, Suarez confronts Vero idling in front of Alma's building and recites a litany of her crimes for which they have no evidence. She tells him it's a free country and she can stalk her daughter all she wants, so there. He says he'll be watching her, but he doesn't make the magic poke-each-other's-eyes-out gesture that Jesus always does, so it doesn't count. She drives off snottily.

Back at the prison, Darwin brings Ury the thing, you know, that thing he asked for. It's a whittled-down red plastic object that is probably supposed to be a shiv but looks more like a barrette. With 400 pounds of cranky muscle behind it, I guess it might do some damage. Meanwhile, Monster brings Rog his thing, which turns out to be a sharpened screwdriver. Ha ha! Roger's thing is way bigger than Ury's! And harder, too! That's definitely going to push his picadillo button.

In other news:

- Delia tells Jesus he's no longer on probation. Hugs.

- Jesus tells Vale that Roger "had to go on a trip." Sigh.

- In some kind of tourism plug, Paty takes Vale and Rai to the Museum of Science and Technology, which they find very chido. Yawn.

Thank Monkeys for an episode with no kidnapping, stomach noises, baby giggles, prison beatdown, or umbilical cords. Isn't it pathetic what we need to be grateful for these days?

Avance: Ury threatens Rog with the barrette. Oooooo.

Labels: Manda