Caray, Caray!

Is this the last ride of The Hat: Esme Style?  She leaves Pablo to rather literally "watch" over the kids as she goes out for veggies for soup.

Lo is having a hard time getting the cops to understand that she's a woman accustomed to being obeyed.

Vicky is in the DF now and HatBro is on his way.  Mariano meets with her to reassure her that Pablo will be back to his old tacky-painting self soon enough.  Doc Javier shows up at Vicky's because he heard Pablo disappeared while he was with her.  From a flashback, and her face, we find out that Javi has something to do with her Deep Dark Pain that she didn't want to tell Pablo about.

Ines is getting released, per Osorio.  Too bad Osorio has been working on that instead of on any number of other matters where his expertise and non-stupidness would have been useful.



Ooh, HatBro is PISSED to see Javier at his DF digs and wants him OUT.  "Largate!"  That's "get out!"  OK, so Javier thought that since Pablo disappeared when he was with Vicky that Pablo might be with Vicky and Esme might have come there looking for Pablo.  And he wanted to support Esme.  Wow.  Way to be insensitive to your ex.  At least, that's what I'm guessing she is, from the look on her face like she's wondering if it's ok to kick a blind guy in the shins.  "There's no Esmeralda here.  It's amazing that you're here offering your support to everyone…except the ones who wanted to offer it to you.  My brother's right.  You're not welcome here."  Javi wants to 'splain, but HatBro is having none of it.  "I didn't want to impose," offers Javi.  "Well, you failed!"  You tell him, HatBro!  Mariano just stands there marveling that maybe other people have messy personal lives too.  Whodathunkit?!

So…Vicky and Javier…She thought she wouldn't see him until she gave him the painting she was going to paint for him…at the cabin.  She thought she didn't have feelings for him anymore, but no.  She's still in luuuuuuuuuuurve with him, just like the day he rejected her.  And you know what's the saddest thing about all that?  That she's making this speech to an empty room.  The second-saddest thing is that this is the most intrigue and drama we've had on the show in a while.  HatBro interrupts and no, of course Vicky's not ok.  Pobre de Vicky.

Javi wants to talk to Mariano because he HAS to know about Esme.  Mariano explains she's got a warrant out for her arrest, so she's not going to be found if she can help it.  "But I want to heeeeeelp her…I luuuuuuuurve her" Javi whines.  Once again, thank you, show for completely ruining Marcelo Cordoba for me.  Mariano tells him it's none of his business, but Javi still won't shut up about how "ese mujer me interese" (that woman "interests" me…but given that "no te interese" means "It's none of your business" this comes off to me more like he's saying that Esme IS his business, which…STFU, dude!).  He won't stop until he has her love.  He and Mariano face off.  Dun, dun, dun.

Amnesia!Pablo unlike Original Recipe Pablo, is allowed to hang out and help with things like chopping vegetables and tasting soup.  His soup skills, apparently, suck worse than his _______ skills.  What?  Make your own snark, will ya.  What do you think this is?  A recap?

Amnesia!Pablo hangs out with Leti.  Esme says it's too bad they both know what would make them happy and they've never fought for it.  Oh.  You mean like with your constant running away and his constant being a puppet?

Ines meets another prospective couple who may or may not be rich, but they're definitely snobby.  The social worker warns Ines to be NICE, damnit!  Mrs. Snobby looks horrified.  She and the mister warn Ines that SHE is the one auditioning, here.  They'll decide if they want to take possession of her womb fruit, not the other way around.  Mr. Snobby reminds her she's just a filthy criminal.  Mrs. Snobby says she'd better not act like she's doing them a favor, handing over some kid who's going to turn on them one day, with his defective genes.  Maybe Ines is starting to get a clue, and tells them not to mess with her kid!  Mr. and Mrs. Snobby yell at the social worker for bringing them to this "pocilga" (sty) when they thought they would be meeting a prospective womb fruit bearer.  Presumably at a nicer location.  Ines has an angrysad.  And then the skies open up and rain on her because her day wasn't sucking enough already.

Amnesia!Pablo sleeps with Pablito in the hammock, while Esme gets the cot with Leti.  Look, I'm sure it's possible to raise kids in these conditions, and people do it every day, but right now, I'm feeling really nervous about the narrow cot that it's too easy for one of those kids to roll right off of.  And how are they supposed to learn to turn over and crawl?  On that floor?  With the open fire and the comal right in the middle of it?  Anyway.  Esme wakes up Pablo and says time's up.  Time for him to go to the doctor and then go home.  At some point, she figures, they'll be together again.  Leti is NOT loving this plan.

Ines is dragged into an office where Fernando and Rita are waiting for her, with Osorio.  She assumes they're there to fight about the kid, but Rita gives her the good news that she's free.  Ines doesn't believe it.  Fernando hopes she'll take advantage of this opportunity.  Rita smiles at her in a way I'm surprised doesn't crack her face in half.

Here we go again with the complicated whistling sentry system and Esme in The Hat.

Pablo carries the babies and says he'll go to the doc and then come back and be fine and they'll never be apart again.  See, Leti keeps crying, because she knows what a crock that is!  Pablito seems to be sleeping.  Or he just doesn't give a crap.  Esme runs in and grabs Leti and says it's time to go.  Looks like it's just Pablo going, but before he can get far, Garabato comes up, dragging a couple of cops behind him and screaming to Esme.  One of the cops pulls a frickin' GUN on Esme and the two kids he's there to presumably deliver safely to their father.  He tells her to give up the babies nice and peaceable-like.  As we go to commercial and they fade out on Esme and her two suspiciously small bundles, I think that if this were a different show, those wouldn't be the babies she's holding and the real babies would be two states away.

Back from commercial and Esme is baby-less as each of two cops has a baby while one cop has Garabato, another has Esme, yet another has Pablo…there's a whole freakin' squad there, just to take down one grubby urchin with fabulous hair.  Remind me to slip the dude who has Esme a $20 for making her flail around so much she finally lost that stupid hat!

Gi.  Hysteria.  "I've been found out!"  Lo couldn't care less.  She suggests they have mimosas, since Esme has been busted.

Esme's still busy screaming and crying while the cops stand around looking like the have no idea what to do.  Finally, mercifully, the director signals the two who were holding the fake babies to start walking.  Amnesia!Pablo can't understand why they're taking his babies…"The father of those children is Juan Garza!"  Dun, dun, dun!  Amnesia!Pablo freaks out as he hears this again for the first time.  And he doesn't believe it any more than he did before the amnesia.  Esme is packed into the back of a car while the rest of the thousand cop extras hold on to anyone who might be tempted to chase after them.

Augie catches up on Lo's day and gloats that she's gonna be in BIG TROUBLE with the kids once they find out what she's done.  Even Gi doubts Lo's skills at manipulation.  Hey, of the three wack jobs in this room, which one has been most effective so far? I may not like Lo, but…respect the beads, man.  Respect the beads.

Damian and Amnesia!Pablo go to explain to the head cop guy that Juan Garza is a fake and so is the judge.  The cop tells them to wait for the wheels of justice to churn slower than a plot helmed by LaToodle.  Pablo gets up and makes a Big Speech about how they're not going to abandon Esme.  She's not alone!  Do you hear me!  She's not alone!  The cop adjusts his jacket like "Juar-ever."

Mariano explains to Lo that they never took Pablo to the hospital, but never mind why…he needs to talk to her.  "You're the only one who knew where Esme was.  Why'd you tell the cops?"

Fernando wants to wring Juan and the judge's necks.  Blanca tells him to chill--it won't help.  Fernando is on the verge of finding out who's behind everything, and he wants to kill them.  Blanca doesn't want him to keep talking violence, but she's not too happy about having Esme behind bars herself, so….

Damian goes to threaten the judge, who is still not worried.  Ferret-Face Juan smarmily accepts the kids, saying he's going to take them out of the country so they won't be stigmatized by their "condition."  I assume he means the fact that they're not growing?

Ungrateful Ines flops about at Rita's.  She doesn't intend to stick around.  She doesn't know what she's going to do about the kid.  Garabato hears her talking about selling the kid again and offers to buy his spawn from her with his inherited millions.

Juan brings the babies over to Eugenia and Lorenza at Monica's apartment.  Lo says their contract isn't done until they take the babies back to the dump…because she doesn't know how to get there.  Juan is losing patience and just wants his money.  Lo gives him the check, but takes it back and says she'll give it to him at the dump.  "How are we going to leave a couple of babies in the trash?  The rats will eat them!"  Nice objection Juan.  But, more practically…How are you going to take ESME'S babies to the dump where EVERYONE will recognize them and not think that they won't just give them back to her…or Pablo…or Fernando…or Rita?  Whatever.  Can y'all just hurry this up already.  Eugenia sends up a prayer to Dios to protect Lo from the trouble she's headed for.

Ines won't sell the baby to Garabato.  I suggest you show up with cash next time, dude.

Juan grouses about having to carry both babies.  WTF is Lo wearing?!  Did she tuck her pants into a pair of rubber boots or is that what they're supposed to look like.  Clown pants!  She's wearing clown pants, y'all!  She demands Juan climb the highest hill of garbage and put the babies on top.  The fact that he hesitates makes him slightly more human than she is.  Damian and the PI are waiting at the top of the hill…which isn't even all that high.  Lo tries to run away in her space boots, but Fernando is in her path.  Mariano comes up and introduces Pablo to his mother.  "Right now I'm glad I can't remember you, because I'm sure I'd reject you!  Don't call me son, lady!"  Mariano calls her a liar and asks if she's going to keep pretending.  Fernando says he's finally confronting her face-to-face and she's going to find what follows unpleasant.  I have to guess that what happened atop the hill of garbage was as follows…

Juan G: Um, hey guys, I'm kinda slipping on this garbage and these babies are heavier than they look.  Could you maybe give me a hand, here?
Damian: Oh, sure *grabs Juan under one elbow while the PI grabs him under the other*
PI: Listen, you're all dressed up like a gentleman, but I'm betting that (1) you're not used to those shoes and (2) there's no way you could outrun the entire barrio.
Juan G: Aw, crap.  Yeah, you've got me.  And since I just lost out on a paycheck, I wouldn't get far, even if I ran.  Why don't I just hand the babies over to you and you can look like badasses and I'll squeal on Ms. Big Beads over there?
Damian: Sounds good.  Hand one over.
PI: *takes the other kid, juggles it around a bit* OK, but somehow I've got to grab you at the same time, so…ah, got it *settles the kid in his left arm while grabbing Juan with his right* now make sure you look like I'm making this painful or no one's going to buy it.

Do you have a better explanation for how the babies jumped into Damian and the PI's arms and the PI simultaneously got hold of Juan?

The babies are handed off to Pablo and Mariano while everyone keeps yelling at Lorenza.  She claims to have followed Juan out there, but Juan rats her out.  Fake baby alert!  Pablo bent one twin's neck just a little too far forward and handed the bundle off to Damian WAY too violently in his rush to attack Juan for calling them "La Gata's bastards."  To his credit, Damian keeps up the pretense that the yoga brick and a melon he was just handed is really a baby.  Was Juan the Ferret getting decked by Pablo as satisfying for you as it was for me?

Rita hears the fight going on outside and she and Garabato go investigate.  Ines is only interested in her quesadilla, but trudges out after them.

Lo blames it all on Pablo for loving Esme.  He kinda looks at Mariano like "Is that how it went?  'Cause I have no clue."  Mariano can't believe she's still being so crappy to her own son.  "I tried to be good, but I just couldn't do it!"  Rita shows up and is thrilled to see her son.  Ines saunters up and says here's the last thing she needed--her dad showing up.  Damian has to break it to Rita that Juan or Chucho or whoever he is didn't tell her he was out of jail because he was busy delinquent-ing.  But soon he'll be back in jail, along with the judge and, "everyone else who was involved."  Lorenza whines that Mariano can't throw her in jail because "I'm your mother!  I'm Pablo's mother!  I did it for his own good!  This was a mother's sacrifice!  You can't let your mother spend the last days of her life in jail!  You can't!"  Mariano's response? "Wanna bet?"  Comedy gold!

Esme, Damian, and Osorio walk into Casa De La Santa Cruz.  Fernando and Blanca are happy to see Esme.  Everything has been cleared up.  Pablo arrives with Leti and Mariano hands over Pablito.  "Thanks for bringing my kids, Pablo."  For cryin' out loud!  Has she learned NOTHING?!  Pablo says she has nothing to thank him for (You too, dude?) and even though he doesn't remember anything, he thinks they're his kids.  Esme is all relieved 'cause nothing hurts worse than being away from your kids.  You're seriously going to say that in front of Blanca, after what you just put her through?  Lots of slow-mo Esme and Pablo making eyes before the credits roll.

Tomorrow: Lo still isn't in jail…so she can interrupt Virginia's wedding.
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Next: Episode 107

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