Caray, Caray!

　

What good are many friends, mon ami, when you have one bad enemy? M. Hercule Poirot

Today on El Talisman:

Pedro, Cameela, the Gasbag and Tonio are still talking about Cameela marrying Tonio. Cameela wants to talk to Pedro, alone out in the hall. Pedro and Cameela leave together. The Gasbag is left with Tonio, when, guess what happens? Anyone!!!!! You won't beleive it, but Lucrazy is calling The Beltbuckle on his cell phone. He doesn't answer it and the Gasbag happens to look at the phone and says, wait for it, it is really good, Isn't that Lucrazy? How could it be Lucrazy if she is dead??? HUMMMMM. The Beltbuckle blows the Gasbag off and tells her it isn't Lucrazy they recycle cells phones at Alcatrash to save money. Naw, he really didn't say that, but he wanted to. (Note to the Beltbuckle, really dude, you couldn't have gotten her a burner phone, untraceable to boot, for the one bad enemy you are truly estupido, jus' sayin'). He changes the subject on the Gasbag and warns her if Cameela rats him out to Pedro he will make sure the Gasbag ends up in la carcel (Thanks Blue Lass and Rosemary la Otra). Lucrazy is calling him back again, being very frustrated cause he won't answer the blasted phone, he picks it up and tells The Gasbag it is a call from the ranch. He picks it up and says wadda want GUSTAVO, really dude. Lucrazy tells him to get his asshatedness back to Alcatrash and by the way it is VERY URGENT. He tells her he will get there when he gets there, GUSTAVO. She hangs up and is pithed so badly she throws the cell phone. (Ed note: I just have to say the only actor that can throw a cell phone is Sergio Sendel, he is the master of those, ask the prop people at Uni, jus' sayin'). Tonio is wondering what is taking the indio so long.

Cameela and Pedro are in the hallway of the apartment building and Pedro is begging Cameela, why are you marrying this guy, I know you don't love him, you love me, right, RIGHT! (Note to Cameela, aw come on now, he so knows that dog don't hunt, just fess up already). She keeps insisting she has mysteriously (I added that for effect) fallen for the Beltbuckle and nothin' and noone is changing her mind. Got it? She asks him to forgive her. (Note to Cameela: Are you SERIOUS, come on now. Fess up already would you forgive Pedro if he did this to you? Jus' sayin'). She asks him to vette and leave her in pax. He goes. She cries. After he leaves, she goes back inside and the Beltbuckle wants to know what she said. She tells the Belbuckle she told Pedro what he wanted her to. Cameela tells her *blessed* Mama, er, the Gasbag that it is all your fault. Oh, The Gasbag is laying on the guacamole. Oh, the Beltbuckle lurrrves you. (Note to Cameela, go to El Capitan and fess up already, you don't have to go thru this agony, jus' sayin'). Cameela cries. The Virus to end all Viruses tells Cameela to calm down. The Beltbuckle tries to get close to her, and she reaches up to slap him, but he stays that arm and tells her he is her future (say what? You soooo don't get it dude. She hates your guts jus' sayin'. Sleep with one eye open. You may have no avacadoes when you wake up in the morning. Member I gave you fair warning.). Oh, and the Beltbuckle tells her, now are you ready for this, our wedding night will be sooo wonderful. (Note to Beltbuckle: You sure bout that dude? I thought I heard Cameela talking about Supergluing a part of your anatomy, jus' sayin').

Army and Angel are still at the cafe and Army tells Angel he has found a job. I guess it's not a great job, but Army doesn't care, as long as he gets enough money together, he can go to Canada and be with his amor di mi vida, Fabi.

Tracy, Alberta and Flor are all in the kitchen talking about the upcoming wedding. Flor is really pithed off, she blames Cami for everything including her dear sister's banishment to Canada. (Note to Flor: Canada is beautiful, get a job, save the money and go be there with her, you'll love it). No matter how many times Alberta and Tracy try to tell Flor that Cameela is a wonderful person, she is so not buying it. Doris comes into this little convo as does Valentin. He tells the assembled ladies that the wedding is tomorrow. About this time the Beltbuckle, Prince of Darkness, has come into the room and informs them the wedding is tomorrow, that's right, tomorrow, like don't ever forget it! The Prince of Darkness tells Flor she better be there, and Doris better be gone. She gets in his face and tells him SHE will be the Duena of ESA CASA. Flor, the one with the avacadoes, doncha know, gets in the Prince of Darkness' face. He looks like he is about to slap her, but gently touches her face and reminds her she will RESPECT Cameela. The Prince of Darkness has left, along with the smell of sulpher, and Doris gives her a big ole hug. Doris has left and now Alberta and Tracy are setting up the wedding from hell and Flor is still pithed off at Cameela. Flor says she hates Cameela with every ounce of her being. Tracy tells her that Cameela is a victim, same as Flor. Flor wants to know the chisme on that, but Tracy tells her that is all she needs to know.

Pigorio and Valentin are having a little meeting. Pigorio tells him he saw Mariana, and wait for it, same old, same old, kill her like yesterday. Valentin is so not down with that. Pig tells him he will never have pax until she is dead, punto.

Mariana has come to the hospital to visit Manuel, and interrupts Maria and Manuel. Mariana apologizes, but Manuel tells her it is ok. I think Mariana did an end run around the receptionist, but Manuel said it was ok, if she came in. Manuel has to go somewhere, and Maria stays with Mariana. Mariana thanks Maria for giving Manuel a second chance.

Pedro is all alone, poor fella, and thought bubbles about Cameela being in love with Tonio. (Now Dude you are supposed to be the galan here, didn't all those tears hold a big clue for you?). He just doesn't beleive it.

Tonio has made it back to Alcatrash to the little cabana housing his looney tunes sister, and she is in a dither about Mariana of all people. She is just now realizing that other women, besides HERSELF, mind you, might be interested in her hunk of man. He tells Lulu to callete, don't talk and he is marrying Cameela tomorrow. Yes, he is really doing it. She congrats him and is over the moon, but what about her and PEDRO ES MIO? She tells the Beltbuckle she is sooo in lurrrrve with PEDRO ES MIO. Your getting Cameela, so why can't I get Pedro es Mio? He tells her, your upset (Note to Beltbuckle: Ya think?) Your sooo obessed with Pedro. (Note to both: really you are both obsessed.) She says she will be marrying Pedro es Mio so there! Lulu wants to know what Papa Pig thinks of all this? The Beltbuckle doesn' t care what he thinks. He tells her he told Doris not to give Cameela trouble. The Prince of Darkness has a meet, after leaving the cabana from hell, to meet Dr. Doh-mo (Thanks Rosemary la Otra). Evidently Dr. Doh-mo has fixed the pills and inserted the new poison. The Prince of Darkness can't wait for his Papa Diablo to die a slow suffering death for what he has had to deal with all these years.

Mariana has come back to El Tal and Pedro tells her it is absurd, doncha know, that his Cameela es MIO, is going to marry that asshat Beltbuckle. She has no words. Pedro tells Mariana that Cameela wouldn't tell him a thing, but he is sure the Beltbuckle is holding something over Cameela, ya think! Mariana insists that Cameela does love him. He is sooo confused.

El Virus, Cameela, Army, Angel and Maria are gathered together to mourn the loss of Cameela's brains, and her avacadoes. El Virus is telling Cameela I'm your Mama. (Note to the Virus: I hope you roast for all your evil deeds. The anvil that crashes on you can't be big enough). Cameela cries. Tia Maria and her primo Angel, and her brother Army all tell her not to marry the asshat already., but Cameela is towing the sad, party line and says she just has to, and that will be the end of the subject, cause she is pleading the 5th. (Not really but the same thing). Padre has come to the Virus infected apartmento to see Cameela. She doesn't want to talk, but Padre tells her you have some serious 'splaining to do. She and the Padre go off to have their serious convo, and Army, Angel, and Maria gang up on the Virus and tell her this is all YOUR fault. You are making your poor daughter Cameela suffer over your own misdeeds. The Virus looks like she is getting ready to blow, but doesn't quite get there. Instead we are treated to a *slight marmot screech*. The Virus asks Maria if she is coming to the wedding?. Maria tells her not on your life. It's horrible what you are doing, and you are ruining your daughter's life.

Padre has taken Cameela to a, wait for it, perfect setting by the way, to a church. Yay, Padre, she will have to tell the truth here, or go to the you know! She tells Padre, oh, Padre, please understand I have to marry that Beltbuckle, the Prince of Darkness. Padre wants to know her secret. He knows she is holding something back. He tells her secrets are not mountains, good one Padre. She still won't rat out the Prince of Darkness. Finally, finally Padre has worn her down. She will only tell him with confession (Note to Cameela: How could you? Now you know he can never, ever say anything). So he tells her, as you wish, and she unloads everything on the Padre, every last detail. (Ed note: You can actually confess in front of a priest now, no confessional booth necessary as long as you let them know you want the sacrament of confession). She tells him it would be bad for Pedro and her *sainted* Mama if she doesn't go thru with this wedding. The Padre can't beleive it. This is just horrific to him. He tells her she is ruining her life, all for the Prince of Darkness, but Cameela tells the Padre she could never forgive herself if her *sainted* Mama went to prison. (Note to Cameela: Stop feeling guilty, just 'memeber about the superglue, if you go thru with this, jus' sayin'). Padre tells her she is ruining her life, ya think? She says she feels bad doing this to Pedro. Padre tells her she needs to tell Pedro the truth and stop pleading the 5th. She says she won't. Padre also wanted her to go to the policia to rat out the Prince of Darkness, but she wouldn't go.

Pigorio and Panchito are in the office at Alcatrash and Pigorio asks if Cameela is really marrying the Prince of Darkness tomorrow? Panchito says oh yes.

Cameela is all alone in her room, thinking of Pedro and that *hawt* night in LA and then the Prince of Darkness, threatening her. She prays, Oh Dios Mio, ayuda mi. Just then there is a knock on the door. The Virus opens it and it is Mariana come to call on Cameela. Of course the Virus thinks she is there about what else, on the count of three, *El Cheque es Mio of course, but Mariana looks at her like, have you lost your mind? and says I have come to talk to Cameela. Of course, the Virus tries to dissuade her, but Cameela comes out of her room and tells the Virus she will speak to Mariana. Mariana tells Cameela that Pedro is very upset, and she wants to know why Cameela is marrying the Prince of Darkness, when just a while ago she interrupted Cameela's wedding to Pedro? The whole convo is about WHY? Cameela tells her now Mariana will have a second chance with Pedro. Cameela says I am marrying the Prince of Darkness, ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies. Not really but essentially that is how the convo went. She won't spill the frijoles to Mariana. She tells Mariana you just don't understand, ask me no more. Mariana says she doesn't want Pedro to suffer, and she knows darn well that Cameela is so not in love with the Prince of Darkness. Cameela tells her, she isn't saying anything else. Mariana really wants to know why Cameela would marry someone she doesn't love? Cameela tells her to vette, she says now is your chance with Pedro. Mariana leaves, and Cameela cries.

Now we have Papa Pig and his sluttily dressed ex-daugher-in-law having a little powwow in the bedroom. He tells Doris nothing will ever seperate me from you. You are ES MIO. He tells her she won't leave Alcatrash. He asks for his pills. (Note to Doris: Don't touch that bottle) She brings the pills to the Pig. She gives him smoochies, yuck (Note to Doris, do you have enough Listerine? Jus' sayin"), He tells Doris he is sooo happy with her. She knows Cameela is coming to live at Alcatrash. Doris tells him she is upset, because of Cameela and the Prince of Darkness her fabby Fabi is in Canada.

Maria has gone back to the hospital and consults with Manuel. She is soo upset her poor neice has to marry the Prince of Darkness. Manuel says that Cameela really should go to the police and fess up. Maria says she won't because she doesn't want to hurt her *sainted* mother. Oh, please already. Maria says she has to respect her neice's wishes. Manuel says it is a heavy cross to bear.

Cameela, Army and Angel are having a last supper together. Cameela tells them not to worry about her. Then guess who calls, of course, it is the Prince of Darkness, just wanting to touch base, so to speak. He tells her along with the Virus, the boys can come to the wedding too. Oh Yay.

It is the day of doom, the apocalypse for Cameela so to speak. She is with the Virus, Army and Angel. Cameela is in a wonderful, sparkley, white dress, her wedding gown, sans veil. She is looking lovely. Virus tells her the Prince of Darkness is a wonderful guy (Oh please where is the anvil for this virus). What a wonderful wedding it will be. Cameela gives her the death ray, and tells her, this is no, wait for it, wedding, its a funeral! (Note to Cameela, maybe someone will stand up at the wedding when they say if anyone has a reason why these two shouldn't be married. I wish you best of luck).

Valentin comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness. The Prince of Darkness tells him this must be the PERFECT wedding. Papa Diablo comes in to give congrats to the Prince of Darkness and wants to shake his hand. The Prince of Darkness won't do it. Papa Diablo tells his Prince of Darkness that you marry, you leave Alcatrash!

All of El Tal has gotten together and talked endlessly about how could Camella do this to our Pedro, some using power tools, and the Padre was in the mix too, but without a power tool. Oh, and Santiago has been freed from the social services, Liliana has a heart after all, and Padre is the one that got him out. He is very happy to be with Pedro again, and also can't beleive that Cameela is with the Prince of Darkness.

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Wedding from Hell Begins. Will it go through? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Labels: Talisman

“Hola Chula” says Antonio upon answering Camila's call. Already I can't stand where this is going so I end up counting the comb marks in his brylcreamed hair. Camila promises to marry him.  He tells her “Congratulations”, then to himself “I told you that you would be mine”.

Labels: Talisman

Today on El Talsiman:

Cameela has come to El Alcatrash to tell the Beltbuckle she isn't marrying him, punto. Beltbuckle continues with the threat of sending her Gasbag, er her Mama to the carcel. She tells the Beltbuckle to go ahead and call the popos she will just have to make a call on her own and tell them about his blackmail and threats, so there take that, ya Beltbuckle! She leaves the Beltbuckle fuming, and runs into Doris. So are ya marrying the Beltbuckle or not, she asks Cameela. Cameela tells her hey sister, ain't doin' it no how, no way. She tells Doris I am marrying Mi Pedro. She tells Doris don't worry you will still be the duenna of this casa. Cameela leaves.

Pedro is thought bubbling about his wedding to Cameela and their song plays, "Dios Mio Que Mujer".

Gabe and Sarita are talking about the same old, same old. I want to marry but can't, not prepared for it, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. Sarita is getting madder by the minute, and Gabe is all talked out. Sarita is yelling at Gabe and interrupts Pedro's daydreaming. He goes in to see what the fuss is about. Sarita is saying the same old thing. She tells Pedro, Gabe won't talk to her, and Pedro tells her Gabe is very confused right now. (Note to Gabe: just tell her the same thing you've been telling her, maybe she will open her ears long enough to hear, jus' sayin'). Gabe took my advice, but it didn't work yet again. He threatens to get a job elsewhere. Sarita is so not down with that. Pedro tells her to stop pressuring Gabe. Gabe tells Sarita he truly loves her, but he isn't ready for marriage. Gabe leaves. Pedro tells Sarita, he's not marrying Cameela either. He doesn't understand, and told Mariana about it. Sarita and Pedro commiserate with each other.

Tonio is looking for Valentin. Valentin finally comes in and the Beltbuckle sends him on a misson. I didn't quite get what it was, so someone please fill in.

Tracy and Alberta are talking about Fabi leaving today. They are having a little chisme when Alberta lets slip that Cameela ain't marrying the Beltbuckle. Tracy is like, ya don't say. I have to talk to her.

Margarito and the Padre are talking about Cameela's about face, and not marrying Pedro.

Army has managed to scale the walls, so to speak, of Alcatrash again. He has come to tell Fabi adios. He tells her this is only temporary. He is finding a job, and once he has enough dinero, he will come to Canada to be with her. They swear undying love for each other, and promise each other they will be together soon.

Maria and the Gasbag, er, El Viral have come home. Maria wanted to bring El Viral back to the apartmento to get the full story why she is soooo upset. Maria tells her to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. (Note to Maria: When has that ever happened?).El Viral says it is a disaster. Maria tells her to be calm (yeah like that is ever gonna happen) and asks if this is about the kids? El Viral tells her it is about Pigorio. She tells Maria she helped Tonio try to kill Pigorio and now she is in the heap of pig droppings. Maria is shocked, I tell you shocked, to hear this. She tells Maria that unless Cameela marries Tonio she is going to the carcel! (Note to Maria: Please lock her up in the manicomio now. Don't wait, she is the Titanic crashing into the iceberg right now. There is no redemption for her.). She tells Maria that, wait for it, THE BELTBUCKLE MADE ME DO IT!!!! (Note to the Gasbag: Is this the same thing as the Devil made me do it? Cause ya know that excuse never works, jus' sayin'). Just about this time, Cameela has come back from that meeting with the Beltbuckle, and tells her Gasbag of a mama, guess what, not marrying that asshat. Cameela tells the Gasbag she will find her a lawyer tomorrow, and take it from there. (Note to Cameela: You got some guts girl, cause that gas is building, jus' sayin', and the headband is getting tighter by the millisecond). Maria tells her Gasbag of a sister to, wait for it, WOMAN up and accept responsiblity for your OWN actions!!!! (Note to Maria: You go!!! But I don't think that is working for her). The Gasbag tries to turn this on Cameela and tells her, I am going to the carcel and it's YOUR fault. Maria and Cameela are looking at her like she should have been in the Manicomio a long time ago. And on top of all her other sins, tells Cameela, well ya know, I already told Pedro you are marrying Tonio. Cameela and Maria are pithed. The Gasbag is thrusting the knife deeper and tells Cameela, that if she marries the Beltbuckle all this goes away, as if. Cameela is so not down with that. Maria says you have no conscience as far as your children go, enough already. Course the Gasbag's brain is full of gas and she storms out of the room. Army comes in and asks Cameela if she is ok? Cameela tells him Tonio threatened to go to the policia about the Gasbag. Maria tells Cameela, well she is an accomplice after all, get her a good lawyer, and above all please, call Pedro, the amor di tu vida, and explain just what the heck is going on. Cameela calls Pedro for a meet. He is confused, but will meet with her. Maria is going to work, and tells Cameela if you need anything call me. Cameela tells the Gasbag that she has called a lawyer that will meet with her in two hours.

Fake Doc/Major Domo examines Pigorio and tells him he is just fine! Well Pigorio, who is lying in the bed, isn't taking this lying down, so to speak. He tells the fake doc, then why am I feeling worse everyday? He tells fake doc he is not beleiving his so-called miraculous recovery. He asks fake doc/major domo if he has talked to Tonio. Of course he has. Pigorio then tells him, I don't like you, I want MIO DOCTOROCITO Valdez, and not you. Fake doc/major domo looks like he has swallowed several avacadoes whole, and tells Pigorio to be calm, don't upset yourself. He leaves. Doris confronts fake doc/major domo and asks how Pigorio is? He tells her he is fine. Doris doesn't beleive fake doc/major domo either. Tonio talks to the fake doc/major domo and isn't liking what he is hearing.

Lulu and the Beltbuckle are in the cabana, and Tonio tells her all about what Cameela said about going to the popos on her own and telling them what she knows of the Beltbuckle. But he tells Lulu that his planes are still at the go stage and Cameela es Mio. He tells Lulu he is siccing the police on El Viral as we speak, and that's why Cameela es Mio. Lulu laments to the Beltbuckle that this is a bad time for her to be dead. (Ya think). He keeps telling Lulu that she will have to remain dead for awhile, but he won't let her down. She'll get Pedro es Mio as soon as things settle down. She tells the Beltbuckle, Pedro is my ultimate goal. He tells her Fabi is leaving. She can't beleive it, she isn't down with that.

Fabi is packing for her trip to Canada and Doris comes in. She tells her Mama Doris that she will be better off in Canada and away from Alcatrash.

Padre, Margarito, and Pedro are together and Pedro tells them Cameela called him. He has no idea why she wants to talk to him.

There is a knock on the door and it is, wait for it, the police looking for, you guessed it, The Gasbag. They have some questions for her. Meanwhile the Gasbag has hotfooted it into the boys' room. (I guess she has no avacadoes. Her hideous pink outfit is so bright with matching headband, the police couldn't miss her, jus' sayin'). The police tell Cameela that this is very serious and they need to talk to her right away. Cameela is rolling her eyes. Meanwhile the Gasbag has run into the boys' room, and wait for it, does a slow *marmot screech* about the popos have come for her. Meanwhile at the door, Cameela tells the police that her Mama is meeting a lawyer, in like, two hours if they want to wait. And in the boys' room, the Gasbag, THAR SHE BLOWS AGAIN, for like the millionth time. She claims, wait for it, SHE WANTS TO DIE, Army and Angel are both there, trying to calm her down. She is hyperventilating and hysterical. They tell her to stop crying and that Cameela will get her a lawyer. Army decides to go join Cameela, which leaves poor Angel to cope with El Viral (Note to Angel: You are truly an Angel to put up with this crap, just fix her a huge mug of sleepytime tea and you'll finally have some peace). Meanwhile Army goes out to see what is going on, gets the scoop and rolls his eyes too. (Did you notice one of the policeman was rolling his eyes too? It was too funny). El Viral is still ranting and raving to Angel that her new home will be the CARCEL (yeah, if only. She needs to go there ASAP). And on top of that she is crying hysterically. Angel looks like he wants to hurl. The police meanwhile are still trying to convince Cameela they need to talk to the Gasbag and here is the paperwork by the way. They leave and Cameela tells Army that the Beltbuckle called the cops on mama. Cameela tells Army well I guess I will have to marry the Beltbuckle after all, to stop this crazy train. Army begs her not too. So without waiting any further, she picks up the phone and , wait for it, calls the Beltbuckle. She tells him I know you sicced the police on my sainted (just kidding) mama and are you ready for it, ya sure???? Ok, on the count of three, She will marry his asshattedness. Oh, saints perserve us, please, Oh Dios Mio, not again.



Tracy, Alberta and Fabi have gathered together to say goodbye. Fabi tells both of them she will miss them, and to please look after Flor. All three are crying and they have a big group hug. After this, Fabi goes to her room and talks to Flor. Flor is crying. She doesn't want Fabi to go, but Fabi tells her it is best and that Tracy and Alberta will always be there for her. Fabi and Flor both agree they don't want to be seperated, but this is how it is now. Flor accompanies Fabi to the foyer, and there is the Beltbuckle. They give him heck about being seperated and all he cares about is Cameela. He tells them he cares about them, but they know it is empty words. (Note to Beltbuckle: you are an asshat of the lowest grade, to give up your daughter for a woman that hates your guts, jus' sayin').

Mariana has come to El Tal and is talking to Margarito. Mariana says she wants to talk to Cameela on Pedro's behalf to find out what is going on with this Beltbuckle business. Margarito asks if she has any memory back yet? Mariana tells Margo that Manuel is trying to help her find her past, but so far she really hasn't remembered anything .

Pigorio is up out of the bed and is dressed, looking more chipper and healthier. Doris compliments him on his looks. They are talking about his pills. I think Pigorio said he has stopped taking them and is going to see his own doctor. ( I just have to say here, Pigorio is smarter than we thought. I think he knows those pills are poisoned). Doris informs Pigorio that Fabi is leaving for Canada, and Pigorio says well the Beltbuckle knows best, he loves his daughters. Doris doesn't agree. She doesn't want Fabi to go. Pigorio tells her Fabi is her daughter too. He said something else to her I didn't get. He leaves.

Padre and Pedro go to see Liliana the social worker about Santiago again. She tells Pedro, sorry not gonna happen, can't adopt him. Padre tells her that he is getting some kind of letter from Santi's mama in Mexico. She is skeptical, but says ok. But Pedro still can't adopt him. She tells Padre he has character.

Now for the best part of the recap. We have Rita and fake doc/major domo talking together. Rita wants to know what he has been up to? He tells Rita he is doing a job for the Beltbuckle. Oh, Rita is swooning, she just lurvvvves the Beltbuckle. Rennie comes in the room and tells Rita that the Beltbuckle is muy peligroso. Fake doc/major domo tells Rennie that the Beltbuckle has taken El Viral in hand. Rennie is like say what? Rita and Rennie want the chisme like yesterday. So fake doc/major domo tells them that, wait for it, El Viral is a killer! Rennie can't beleive it, but Rita is sooo down with that. Fake doc/ major domo tells them that is what Tonio told him. Rennie's wheels in his brains start turning and he says so, just a better grounds for divorce. (Yeah ok Rennie, you go with that, until the anvil comes to bite you too).

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Pedro confronts Cameela and Tonio at Alcatrash!

Labels: Talisman

Labels: Talisman

Labels: Talisman

　

Today on El Talisman:

Cameela confronts her Mama, er the Gasbag about what Tonio just said. She hems and haws and finally admits she "helped" Tonio but had no direct poisoning of the pills. That was all Tonio's idea. (Look on the side bar about the quote of the one that holds the leg of the cow, is equally responsible with the one that kills the cow). Cameela says, so you tried to kill Pigorio? Now your a killer? (Note to Cameela: Move into El Tal and stay there, don't go back to the Toxic One and tell her you are dead to me.). Poor Cameela she can't get a break. Her Gasbag of a mother admits she bought the poison, cause Tonio gave her dinero, she did it, and now she is crying like a lake of tears.

Padre has come to see Pedro in the carcel. He tells Padre all about how Lucrazy is loca (like anyone in town thinks otherwise), that he was trying to save her from that burning inferno, but all she kept saying to Pedro was we are dying here together, and that she didn't care if they both died.

Pigorio and Doris are having a little convo. He is fit to be tied that that Pedro Ibarra has killed his Lucrazy, his only hija (You sure about that El Pig, the way you rutted around who knows how many other hijas and hijos you have running around, jus' sayin'), he is pithed off noone else is mad his only hija is dead. Especially Doris. She tells him to calm down already.

Fabi and Flor are in their room and Fabi tells Flor she knows her Daddio hates Army, she wishes she could stay with Flor at Alcatrash, but probably in a little while she will have to go to the boarding school. They mourn the loss of their Tia. Alberta comes to their room to let them know what Cameela is here to see their Papa. They are thinking it must be true he is wanting to marry Cameela. Alberts says so not true.

Army and Angel are still at the school. Army can't beleive that Pedro killed Lucrazy, he's such a good guy, no way. Angel gets to talking about his Mama and hopes she will be happy now that Manuel is in the picture. Who cares about El Viral anyway? (You got that right Angel).

Pedro meets with a lawyer, and the lawyer tells him he is culpable for killing Lucrazy and that he should take a deal. Pedro is like no way Jose, I am an innocent man and I didn't kill her and I am sticking by my story, come hell or high water. The lawyer isn't buying it, Pedro in essence fires him and the lawyer says well good luck to you but you will be in prison for many years.

Mariana and Manuel are at the hospital. Mariana tells Manuel that she is happy now she feels more like a sister to Pedro and that Cameela's and Pedro love is very grand. She just wants to get her memory back so she can move on with her life. Manuel tells Mariana he has to get to work, so Mariana says work for realz, or concentrating on Maria? Dr. Raul comes upon them and tells them that Pedro has been arrested for killing Lucrazy. They are astounded.

　

Now we have The Pig and Panchito and they have come to, wait for it, El Capitan's office. The Pig wants to exact his brand of justice on Pedro for killing his ONLY HIJA, which means the Pig killing Pedro with his bare ham hocks, er, his bare hands. El Capitan tells him we will not have this in my police force. He lets the Pig know he is investigating and it isn't completed yet. He tells the Pig you know she tried to kill Pedro before, right, right? He tells Pigorio to go on home now. He keeps insisting that Pedro killed his hija. El Capitan tells him, oh by the way, do you know we are still investigating what happened with Mariana, you know the pregnant woman who lost the baby due to a beating, and then promply disappeared? Pigorio's bacon is curling around the edges and he says, oh, she's here? El Capitan tells him, yes siree bob, she's down in the carcel visiting Pedro. He tells the Pig, as a matter of fact, why don't you stay and you can talk to her yourself. The Pig is so not down with that, he uses the lame excuse he has to go to the doctor, so sorry so sad can't stay. El Capitan asks him what are you afraid of? hmmm. El Capitan is insisting he meet Mariana. Why don't you want to meet her? He turns it around on El Capitan and tells him Pedro will pay for killing his one and only hija! Panchito and the Pig leave. El Capitan is shaking his head. The Pig and Pancho walk out of the office and see Mariana, but she doesn't see them. Panchito pulls the Pig around the corner so Mariana can't see him. The Pig has left he building with Panchito and now they are in the Pig's truck. The Pig is worried Mariana will get her memory back. Panchito tells him he will be by his side for better or worse. Pig says lets go, I don't like being near Mariana.

Mariana has high tailed it to the carcel to see Pedro. Mariana knows why he is there, and he tells her he is innocent, he didn't do it. She beleives him. He tells her Tonio lied about everything to the popo's and now they think he did it. He tells her again he is innocent. She tells him she beleives him. She says she will help him anyway she can. He tells her Cameela is very upset about what has gone down. He tells Mariana he has to find a way to prove his innocence. He is looking for a new lawyer. He tells her that El Capitan would like to have a word with her before she leaves.

The Beltbuckle and Lucrazy are in the deserted cabana on Alcatrash. She is bored silly, I knew she would be, she is getting the cabin fever. The Beltbuckle tells her to chill out. About this time Alberta calls Tonio and says he has company and to come on back, guess who it is viewerville, on the count of three, that's right, Cameela.

Tracy and Cameela are talking in the living room of Alcatrash. Tracy can't beleive that Cameela is there. What are you doing here? Are you crazy? Cameela tells Tracy what the Gasbag did, and she did it for (we all know what she did it for, dinero. Tracy is like O M Gee. Tonio comes in and tells Tracy to Largate. He lays it flat out for Cameela, either you marry me or your blessed mother (oh, come on now, you don't have a clue do you? Well of course not you never did) or she goes to prison for many years. The Beltbuckle tells her and oh, by the way, it has to be this weekend. She stands her ground and says he is loca, she doesn't love him and she won't do it. She tells him you are obsessed with me, my heart belongs to Pedro. He grabs Cameela by the face and neck and squeezes her. She is yelling at him SUELTE MI. He warns her again her *blessed mother* will be going to prison for many years. Think about that. (Note to Beltbuckle- she hates her *blessed mother* as much as she hates your asshat, jus' sayin'.). I have to say here, Cameela stood her ground, she is so not intimidated by the Beltbuckle. He tells her to Callate, and that he will, wait for it, Make her love him, oh please, somebody take this dude out, Lucrazy are you listening? He keeps threating to send her mama to jail. He even tells Cameela he is going to call the police so they can investigate. She begs him not to do that. He gives her an ultimatum, either marry me this weekend, or suffer the consequences. He walks out and she is crying her eyes out. Tracy comes back in and tells her don't you do it. He's crazy. Tracy says it could be a lie what he said, but Cameela knows it's true. She doesn't want her mama to go to jail. She can't and won't marry the Beltbuckle (you go girl)! She tells Tracy is not going to think about marrying the crazed Beltbuckle. She is leaving. Doris comes in and basically none to gentley gets Tracy out of the room. Doris wants to know why Cameela is there. She lets Cameela know that this house will be, wait for it, ES MIA, (what is it with these people and this house? What is there some magic here, oil, a diamond mine, jus' sayin') and if Cameela marries Tonio she will regret it. Cameela stands right up to Doris and tells her she is never marrying that Beltbuckle and she doesn't love him. She says the Beltbuckle asked her but she told him no. Doris wants to know why? She doesn't tell her. Doris says well if that is the case I will help you. Say what? She admits to Cameela that she still loves Tonio. Cameela leaves and calls Padre and tells him she is ok. All at El Tal were worried when she didn't answer the phone. She tells him I'll answer all your questions when I see you later.

Army has gone home and catches his Gasbag of a mother at home. She had thought bubbled about her confrontation with Cameela and the Beltbuckle. He tells the Gasbag about Pedro being in jail and that the Beltbuckle is responsible for putting him there. That hopefully he won't be in jail a long time. The Gasbag then tells him she might be going to jail. She tells him why, and he wants to know if she really tried to kill the Pig? She says she helped Tonio for dinero, but the Beltbuckle actually tried to kill him,and besides Cameela won't let her go to jail. Well Army and his new avacadoes says oh, yeah like Cameela should sacrifice herself for you? Of course the Gasbag doesn't answer him.



Margo and Padre are talking about how they will get a new lawyer for Pedro. They meet with the new lawyer.

Liliana the woman from social services comes to see Pedro and she tells him no way no how you are ever adopting Santiago. Even if you are proved innocent, not happening. As a matter of fact, we are looking for new parents for him, punto. Adios, Senor Ibarra. Pedro is pithed.

Mariana goes to El Capitan's office and meets him. She says so Pedro told me you want to talk to me. She tells him how she doesn't remember any of her past and doesn't remember the Pig. El Capitan tells her the Pig is probably responsible for what happened to her. She tells him she had gone to El Tal with Cameela to see if she remembered anything, she didn't, and she also tells him she went to Alcatrash with Tonio, met Lucrazy and there were no memories there either. She tells El Capitan she doesn't remember a thing. She tells him how Pedro brought documents for her to see all her money from before is still in the bank. Meanwhile a guard has come for Pedro and tells him to come with him. They go to El Capitan's office and he meets with El Capitan and Mariana. He gives some papers to Mariana. I don't know if it is bail or adoption papers maybe for Santiago. Mariana also tells how Tonio lied to her about Pedro.

The Beltbuckle has gone back to the cabana, and the first thing Lucrazy asks if Cameela has consented to marrying him? He tells her he threatened to put her mama in prison. He tells Lucrazy that Cameela is different from other women and she drives him crazy. (Note to Beltbuckle- you are already crazy dude and not about love). Lucrazy isn't sure the plan will work. He tells her to be calm, and she says so now we wait? She is bored witless, not that she isn't already, jus' sayin'. The Beltbuckle has brought her a computer. He tells her she has to stay here. (Bet me she doesn't email somebody? This reminds me of Maria del Rosario from CS 09 except with better bennies jus' sayin').

Pedro has met with a new lawyer and the new lawyer is really good. He tells Pedro he has a good attitude and he will do everything in his power to prove Pedro didn't do this.

We have a Manuel sighting. He is ordering a pizza, evidently the doc can't cook. He is calling, wait for the product placement, Domino's pizza! He wants jalepenos and I don't know what else. (Note to Manuel: If you want to impress Maria, get a cookbook, start small and work your way up, jus' sayin").

Army and the Gasbag are still talking and he wants to know where Cameela is? The Gasbag tells him she went to see the Beltbuckle. Cameela comes in and tells them what the Beltbuckle said to her. El Virus, er the Gasbag, says so I'll go to jail unless you marry him? You'll marry him right, right? (Oh Dios Mio someone give her a really huge mug of sleepytime tea, can't stand the building up of the gas I am seeing) that headband of hers is tightening again and she begs and pleads to Cameela that she doesn't want to go to the carcel (hummm I think it would do her good, she would, MAYBE, see the error of her ways) and to forgive her PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE (Note to Cameela-tell her you are Dead to Me. Do not pass go, never collect any dinero ever again).

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Tonio and Pigorio are fighting over what else? Alcatrash!

Labels: Talisman

Labels: Talisman

She's delirious. I assure you this is how she is. M. Hercule Poirot

Last time on El Talisman:

Lucas has come to see Doris. He tells her he likes her and will tell her all of Pigorio's secrets.

Today on El Talisman:

Alberta brings Pigorio some tea. He tells her he feels really bad but hopefully tomorrow he will feel better. He wants to know if Alberta has heard if Mariana has gotten her memory back. Alberta crosses herself and says she hopes so.

Beltbuckle and Lucrazy are still arguing about Cameela and Pedro. He keeps telling her to Largate and Callate. She says it isn't her fault that Pedro loves Cameela and that they are together. He calls her estupida, he calls Pedro an indio, again! He slaps her so hard, she falls down and is knocked out, with blood coming from her nose.

Mariana, Cameela and Pedro are still together. She thanks the both of them for telling her about the check. Padre calls Pedro on his cell looking for the papers from the orphanage I think. Pedro tells him to get Margarito to help him. He tells the Padre he'll see him tomorrow. After he gets off the phone, he tells Mariana they are going, but she asks to speak to Cameela alone for a moment. Pedro goes and waits in the hall. Mariana tells Cameela she can see how much her and Pedro love each other and that she won't stand in their way. Cameela tells her she was jealous of Mariana, but Mariana says don't worry. I am more like his sister now. Pedro comes back and Mariana says she is happy for them both. She understands that Pedro doesn't love her that way. Pedro tells her they will have to get a lawyer to sue for custody of Santiago. Mariana says the divorce will go thru quickly. He will keep Mariana posted on what happens with Santiago. Pedro says he is glad he has his "sister" back. They leave.

Maria has come back into the office to put her wallet back into her purse, and of course doesn't notice her keys are missing. (Note to Maria-please get a lock for that purse or the Doc will keep going thru it, jus' sayin' who knows what he will jack next). He wants to go out somewhere with her. She says she can't do that, and he knows it. He wants her to wait. He tells her their love is sooo not over (Note to Doc Manuel-please dude, get her some flowers, roses are nice, chocolates ya know the Belgian kind make them dark, take her to her favorite museum, concert, get my drift?). She leaves, while smiling really big (Note to Maria: you sure are giving him lots of signals there). He still has her keys of course, little does she know. He decides to leave too, cause here is his golden opportunity. Maria is in the parking lot looking for her keys. Manuel asks if everything is ok? She tells him she can't find her keys. He says with a purse as big as that, no wonder you can't find them. He offers her a ride home so she won't have to get a taxi. She says Angel is probably waiting for her,and Mariana must be waiting for him. He calls Mariana he won't be home right way, he is escorting a very beautiful woman home. Manuel says he wants another chance with Maria, yet again, (listen dude see advice I gave you above). She tells him, you know I can't and why, but she is smiling. She tells him Mariana is waiting for him. They go.

Lucrazy is still knocked out. Beltbuckle is trying to revive her but isn't having too much luck,so what does he do, wait for it, pours tequila down her throat. (Note to Beltbuckle: Man up and call an EMT, with the smell of alcohol they will think she fell). When he can't revive her he tells her this is all Pedro's fault. He keeps calling her name. He keeps saying it can't be. Tonio leaves the room. He goes to the small office takes off his shirt, changes into another one, and grabs the gun Val stole from Pedro.

Cut to the Gasbag, er El Viral who is having *another* pity party for one. She wants to know why she can't be happy? Why noone loves her? (Get a clue ya Gasbag, you are toxic, that's why. Get a job already and stop living off your poor daughter, your son, and most of all your sister, jus' sayin').

Tonio has dragged Lucrazy all the way to El Talisman. He leaves her on the ground, goes a short distance and fires the gun in the air. Pedro and Cameela hear it and wonder what the hey is going on? Pedro wants to go outside to investigate, Cami wants to come with, but he tells her to stay. Sarita, Gabe, Margarito and Domitilla all come in the room to to find out what is going on. Pedro and Margarito decide to investigate. Sarita says it is probably Lucrazy. Tonio is outside kissing Lucrazy on the cheek and crying. He tells her this is all Pedro's fault. Gabe, Sarita, Cami are worried Pedro hasn't come back yet. Sarita says she is very nervous.Margarito and Pedro have made it outside and Beltbuckle hides in the bushes. Pedro and Margarito find Lucrazy. Pedro checks her pulse and she slowly wakes up. She tells him her head hurts. Pedro is attempting to carry her, she asks her if that gun is his? Meanwhile Beltbuckle makes his escape and hides by the barn building. He is still crying. All in the house are very worried. Margarito tells them everything is ok. They found Lucrazy and Sarita says Lucrazy probably shot the gun again. Pedro has taken Lucrazy to the nearest building, which looks like a barn to me.

Lucrazy is starting to get some of her senses back. Pedro asks her why is she trying to always ruin his happiness? She tells him she loves him. Pedro tells the delirious woman (See M. Hercule Poirot's quote above) why did you try to kill me with a gun? Lucrazy tells him she doesn't want to be there, and she doesn't want to fight with him. Pedro says he will help her, but she has to leave El Talisman. She starts screaming like a banshee when he mentions Cameela's name. She doesn't want to hear about her, takes the Coleman lamp on the ground, smashes it, causes huge flames and tells Pedro if doesn't want her, they will die together right here. Tonio is outside this building the whole time, crying. (Note to Beltbuckle: Man up Dude, who knew you were such a wuss? Get the girl some help, put her in the manicomio, where she will be protected from your skanky ass, and maybe she can be normal after lots of help from the docs. Jus' sayin')

Army and Angel are on their way to the movies, when Fabi shows up. She tells Army she has escaped Alcatrash and wants to be with him. He tells her he isn't equipped to help her right now. No, money and living with the Gasbag, er his mother, Tia, Angel and Cameela. She begs and pleads but Army tells her she needs to go back to Alcatrash. She tells him what her Dad did to her and why she is looking for his help and she loves him. Of course guess who interrrupts this convo? Anyone? Wait for it, The Gasbag of course who insults Fabi YET AGAIN. The Gas needed to be vented, I guess. (Note to El Viral- GO to the nearest 7-11 and get that GAS-X Already!!!!!) Army tells her to shut it, and she whines and says, are you ready for this, I'm yo Mama. Angel hustles her back in the apartment and Army and Fabi finally have some alone time. Army tells Fabi he wishes he had a place for her to stay, but in a little while he will. He tells her to be calm and go back and as soon as he can, he will come get her and they can be together. He tells her not to provoke her Daddio and to be calm and do what he says until he can come get her.

Everybody at El Tal wants to go outside to find Pedro. Padre comes down from upstairs and notices the fire. He wants to know where Pedro is? Tonio is still standing by the barn, doing nothing.

Pedro tries to save Lucrazy, but she is laughing and howling and wants to die with him. The Beltbuckle finally moves his butt comes into the burning barn, finds Pedro and knocks the crap out of him. Beltbuckle saves Lucrazy and leaves Pedro on the burning floor. After Tonio gets Lucrazy outside he slaps her and tells her to Callate, she screams and he puts a hand over her mouth.

Everyone from El Tal runs outside. Margarito and Gabe go into the burning barn and rescue Pedro. Someone has called the Fire Department and the Police. Pedro wants to know where Lucrazy is? Noone knows.

Meanwhile Beltbuckle is telling Lucrazy to shut it and to say nothink. (Sgt. Schultz, couldn't help it), So Tonio goes screaming for Lucrazy. El Capitan is there with his some of his policeman as is the fire department. Pedro is screaming that Lucrazy caused this and Beltbuckle is like so not, El Capitan has to keep them apart. Beltbuckle tells El Capitan that Pedro probably did this. Pedro tells El Capitan that Lucrazy came to El Tal with a gun again, everyone in the house heard the shot. He reminds El Capitan that Lucrazy tried to kill him (Note to Pedro: Should have gone to El Capitan and pressed those charges while you had the chance.). Beltbuckle tells El Capitan that Pedro probably tried to kill Lucrazy by setting the fire and oh, by the way where is she? Beltbuckle says obvio she is still in the barn. Pedro says he tried to get her out, but then he got knocked out. He asks Beltbuckle how he knew Lucrazy was in there with a pistol? He says he was looking for her. He claims Pedro let her die in the blazing inferno. El Capitan tells Pedro, under the circumstances I will have to, wait for it, arrest you. (Note to El Capitan: Now look I know you are the hardest working cop in Fresno, but COME ON, you should know better, especially since this a Negrete, there is no body yet, so you should have waited, jus' sayin'). So poor Pedro is going to be hauled off to the Only Jail in Fresno. Cameela and all the El Tal inhabitants try to tell El Capitan that Beltbuckle is lying, but it is like talk to the hand, the ears aren't listening. Before they pull away, Padre tells El Capitan, this is an injustice and that Pedro is innocent. El Capitan says they will investigate of course, but he has to go to the hoosegow now. El Capitan puts him in the cell, and Pedro tells him you know damn well I am innocent. El Capitan tells him, that in his gut, he knows he is probably right, but for now he has to stay in jail.

Panchito went to M. Brigette to get Doris, on the Pig's orders. M. Brigette tells him she isn't there, but he tells her he knows she is there. Lucas has left, and M Brigette takes Panchito to see Doris. He tells her the Pig is doing badly and to please come back to Alcatrash. After some hemming and hawing, she goes. She goes into Pig's room and tells Panchito she is in charge now and to go. She sits on the Pig's bed and he wakes up with a start. He says oh, my children and you are against me. She assures him she is not against him, and only wants to marry him. He says he has to battle his two kids to get Alcatrash ES MIO back from them. Doris says what about marrying me? She is kissing him as she asks this. He says one day, maybe.

Angel has driven Fabi and Army to Alcatrash. Army assures her, he will come for her as soon as he has enough dinero and a place, he swears he will come for her even if she is in China. Army and Fabi are in the back seat and kissing and swearing undying eternal love. Angel tells them he hates to break up this romantic mood, but please hurry up, before someone from Alcatrash comes out. They say their goodbyes and they leave her there.

After Pedro is arrested, Beltbuckle goes back to where he left Lucrazy and asks her if she got all that. Beltbuckle thinks he has won this one, and tells Lucrazy they (the popo) think that Pedro did her in. He says Pedro is goin' to jail. Lucrazy says better in jail than with that bruja. He tells her let's go. The go back to Alcatrash and Beltbuckle hustles her back into the study. He leaves and runs into Fabi and wants to know where the hell she has been? He is grabbing her arm in a death grip and she is terrified. (Note to Belbuckle: Hell is toooo good for you, jus' sayin').

Now finally El Viral, er the Gasbag, as her pity party for one continues, she thought bubbles, Why does my daughter Cameela hate me so, Why doesn't my son Army want to be with me? (See M. Hercule Poirot's quote above). I am soo alone, boo hoo, I don't want to be alone. (Note to the Gasbag: Please take the great Greta Garbo's advice (I vant to be alone!!!!!). Anyhoo, she says, wait for it, I will get Manuel back. Oh, yeah that is SO NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Tomorrow on El Talisman:

Beltbuckle tells Pigorio I want ALL of Alcatrash!

*Tomorrow we have joining us a new recapper, Rosemary la Otra, who will be doing regular Tuesday recaps, and on Friday, we have the return of our Intrepid Reporter, Ms Anita who will be doing the Friday recaps. *

Labels: Talisman