Saturday, July 28, 2012

Abismo de pasion #97 7/27/12: Real Men May Eat Quiche, But Old Men Sure Hate Cat Fights

The Mass and Grave Plot
Church Office:  Poor Padre Lupe.  Both Elisa and Dolores are sobbing and he’s not sure who needs comforting more.  Elisa looks worried and rubs Dolores’ shoulders.   Dolores, she says, you will need to cheer up soon, otherwise, who will be there to support me during the mass?  Neither I nor you doubted that he was a good person, says Elisa.  Padre asks if Horacio was arrested for any crimes committed in La Ermita.  Dolores says no. 
Hospital Tonia’s Room Because Alfonsina’s marriage worked out so well, for today only, she will be filling in for Dr. Tovar (AKA brain surgeon AKA OBGYN AKA kidney transplanter AKA coroner AKA general practitioner AKA phlebotomist).  It seems that Dr. Tovar is busy separating Siamese twins in the operating room and couldn’t fit in a marital counseling session too.  Tonia, lying in bed, quietly cries as Alfonsina attempts to verbally manipulate Braulio.  Alfonsina tells Braulio that he might doubt Tonia’s word, but he can’t doubt her word.  Tonia was raped by Gabby (*has she seen Gabby’s six-pack?  Yeah right!)  Braulio is surprised that Alfonsina knows that Vincente is Gabby’s son since she’s the one who encouraged him to marry Tonia.  Alfonsina says that she was simply helping out a long-time employee.  Braulio says that she helped Tonia laugh at him.  Alfonsina says she did it because Gabby had abused Tonia (*see Gabby disclaimer above) and she needed a good husband.  Since Braulio had been flirting with Tonia anyway, it was a good match.  Horacio says that he would have probably married Tonia anyway, had he’d known the truth, but he can’t forgive the deception.  Alfonsina’s helpful talk does not help.  Braulio angrily walks towards the door.  Tonia attempts the guilt approach with her husband.  She begs him not to leave, then accuses her husband of leaving in order to jump in the arms of Dolores.  Tonia begs Alfonsina not to allow Braulio to do what Rosendo did to his family.  Alfonsina threatens to fire him if he walks out that door. Oh hell no she didn’t!  Braulio tells Alfonsina that he been working for the procesadora all of his life; he will expect a good severance package.  He walks out.  Oh hell no he didn’t! Tonia sobs.  You’re better off without him, says Alfonsina.  All men will betray you. 
Church Office:  Padre asks Elisa to leave so that she can talk to Dolores alone.  Two sobbing women are much more than he can deal with today.  The padre asks Dolores to forgive him for accusing Carmina of something so serious in front of Dolores.  Padre says that he still doesn’t believe that Agosto committed suicide.  He says that it’s merely conjecture on his part and he has no proof.  Dolores says that she knows that he would never have made an accusation like that if he didn’t have a good reason for it.  She reminds Padre Kravitz that Gael told him that Gael saw Horacio leaving the house with Carmina.  Padre apologizes for having put doubt about Horacio in her head.  Dolores thinks Carmina is capable of murder.  Padre asks if she believes that Horacio is a killer.  Dolores doesn’t know.  Padre Kravitz tells Dolores not to tell anyone what they discussed until he updates his Facebook status.  Dolores agrees. 
Casa de Arango Florencia bounces in and asks her father if he is going to Mexico with Damien and herself.  Guido says that he wasn’t aware of the trip and wants to know when they’re leaving.  For the record:  HATE HIS HAIR!  Early tomorrow, says Florencia.  Florencia tells Guido that she wants to pick up a wedding dress and then she will have some good news for him.  Guido, informs Florencia that Alfonsina Kravitz has already told him that Florencia is preggers.  He looks very disappointed with his daughter.  She asks if he’s excited about becoming a fake grandfather.  He tells her that this is not the life that he wanted for her.  He goes on to say that he has a lot of things to resolve and she can reach him at the Hilton.  She asks if Alfonsina gave him the boot from the house.  No, he says, but he doesn’t want to stay with anyone who thinks he’s a thief.  Florencia asks if she and Damien can escort him to his hotel.  He says it’s not necessary and informs her that Dam Fine went to Agosto’s mass.  Guido is concerned by the fact that she’s about to marry (trap) and have a non-existent baby by a man who keeps running to another woman’s side.  Florencia looks sick. 
Casa de Tovar Mrs. Kravitz (Begonia) and Enrique are ready to leave for the mass.  Mrs. Kravitz told Sabrina and Dr. Tovar that she and Enrique would meet them at the service.  She wants to know if it’s true that he is dating Paloma.  She tells Enrique that Florencia Kravitz told on him.  What happens if I say yes?  She says that she’d never give her approval to that union.  Enrique asks if she still thinks that Paloma is Dr. Tovar’s lover.  Yes, that and she’s beneath you.  It’s bad enough that Paloma is your father’s secretary, but she also comes from a witch’s family.  Enrique refuses to discuss it with her.  Mrs. Kravitz wants to get to the mass before they are late.  Enrique says that Paloma is waiting for him.    
Casa de Arango Florencia’s Bedroom Florencia is packing for the Mexico trip.  Alfonsina knocks and lets herself into the room.  Alfonsina sees Florencia’s face and asks what’s up.  Alfonsina thinks that Florencia is in a bad mood because Guido moved into a hotel.  Florencia tells Alfonsina that Damien went to Agosto’s wake and didn’t ask her if she would like to attend as well.  Florencia complains that Damien never tells her anything.   The women sit on the bed and plot pure evil.  Alfonsina suggests that Florencia get dressed and get to that mass pronto.  Florencia says that Damien will kill her if she shows up.  Alfonsina disagrees.  Florencia says that she can’t do anything right, but Damien will do anything for that “little orphan”.   Alfonsina says the Damien can’t complain if she accompanies Florencia to the church.  Florencia is stunned that Alfonsina would attend her worst enemy’s mass.  Alfonsina says that she would go to hell for her son. 
Church Agosto Mass Padre Lupe is in the pulpit performing Agosto’s service.  Elisa is wearing a black blouse with a plunging neckline.   Her choice of clothing is completely understandable, since she assumed the mass would be held on a street corner and not at a church.  While Elisa silently mourns, Gael sits next to her and pretends to focus on the sermon.  He’s secretly plots how he will use this situation to his advantage and touch Elisa bosoms by the end of the night.  Meanwhile, at the back of the church, Damien has entered the building.  Elisa feels his presence and turns towards the door.  Their eyes meet.  He gives her an encouraging nod and then sits down behind Braulio, who is clearly trying not to leer at Dolores.  Suddenly, a scorching blast of heat blows through the building.  The clack of expensive designer pumps strike heavily against the stone floor.  Elisa turns towards the door again.  The gates of hell have opened and the Bobbsey Twin devils have arrived! Oh hell no they didn’t!  Elisa springs from her seat and rushes towards Alfonsina.  She wants her out!  How dare you attend the mass of a man that you have spent your entire life trying to destroy!  Hypocrite!  Commercial. 
Church Agosto Mass Elisa demands that Damien remove his mother from the church immediately.  Las Diablas who are sporting matching, black, form-fitting Versace dresses, feign shock.  Damien weakly pipes in and tells his mother, “vamos”! Alfonsina says that this is the house of God and points out that everyone is welcome in the house of God; Elisa can’t kick them out of a church.  Lupe, trying to avoid a cat fight (he’s too old for that), agrees that the church is open for all, but chastises his sister for showing up to this mass.  Alfonsina asks Lupe if he is going to kick her out.  He says no, but tells her to sit down and be quiet.  He tells Alfonsina that she should be respectful of the church at all time.  Florencia tells him that he should tell Elisa the same thing.  Oh, hell not she didn’t!  Damien tells Florencia to shut the hell up.  Oh hell no he didn’t!  Elisa petitions Don Lucio to help her put Alfonsina out.  There is no way she is going to allow Alfonsina to stay.  Don Lucio is trying to stay out of the potential cat fight (he’s too old for that).  He encourages Elisa to allow Alfonsina to stay.  Listening to a sermon might do her evil soul some darn good.  Ramona tells Elisa not to let Alfonsina’s presence affect her.  Gael, who loves to watch a good cat fight (he doesn’t care whose clothing might come off), slinks forward to stare at Elisa’s cleavage.  Paloma, sensing an opportunity to covertly grope Gael, stakes her claim.  “Concerned”, Paloma scurries near her dear friend.  While Paloma caresses Gael’s hard bicep, she tells Elisa to ignore Alfonsina and think about her father.  Don Lucio directs the Padre to continue with the prayer and pulls Elisa back towards her seat.  Everyone returns to the pews while, unnoticed, Sabrina rushes from the church.  Florencia confidently sits next to Damien.  Alfonsina takes a seat in Elisa’s section, near the rear of the building.  Mrs. Kravitz notices that her daughter, Sabrina, is absent from her seat.  She asks Enrique where his sister went.  Dr. Tovar grabs his wife and yanks her back down into the seat beside him; he tells her to sit down and shut the hell up!  Oh hell no he didn’t!  Elisa cries and broods. 
Casa de Castanon Carmina, alone in the house, is remembering her conversation with Don Lucio and Elisa before they left to attend the mass.  Elisa tells Carmina that Agosto signed a contract with Gabby and took a deposit from him.  Carmina wants how much? They don’t know.  According to the bank, Agosto didn’t deposit the check.  Later, after they’ve gone, Carmina enters the office and searches the desk for the check.  She hears doors and windows opening and closing.  By her reaction, she believes Agosto may be haunting her.  It turns out that it’s simply the wind.  She closes the door and recalls the day that she killed Agosto. 
Casa de Mickey and Mallory Ingrid informs Gabby that she’s going for a little walk.  Gabby says, he hopes that she doesn’t do anything dumb like attending Agosto’s mass.  She assures him that she is not going anywhere near the church.  She says that she’d ask him to go with her, but she knows that he doesn’t want anyone to see them together.  He says that Alfonsina has been asking about her again.  She says that Alfonsina will always be a thorn in his side until he kills her.  She reminds him that he chickened out with Carmina.  Ingrid asks for some money.  Gabby gives her a few bucks.  She complains that she can’t do anything with that.  He tells her that she has to get used to living frugally since Guido is getting out of jail.  They have to be careful.  He explains that Alfonsina has to rebuild the Landucci reputation since her son is marrying his daughter.  Again, she encourages Gabby to kill Alfonsina.   
Hospital Vincente’s Room Tonia is up and fully dressed.  Vicente asks his mother where she’s going.  She tells him to lower his voice.  She is going to take care of something.  She promises that it won’t take long.  If anyone asks for her, he should tell them that she went to the bathroom or something. 
Cantina Paolo asks Sabrina if the mass was boring.  Just the opposite, says Sabrina.  She tells him that Las Diablas showed up and caused Elisa to have a mental melt down.  There was almost a cat fight!  Paolo, who would love to see a good cat fight, considers going to church for the second time in his life, but decides against it.  She asks why he stood her up the other night.  He says he had a migraine.  He took a pill and it knocked him out.  He developed migraines after his parents died.  He asks her if she wants to go to the hotel for a quick roll in the hay.  She turns him down because it’s late.  She tells him that she and her father fought over whether Paolo was serious about her.  Dr. Tovar thinks he’s using her.  Even after she assured her father that Paolo wanted to marry her, unlike her mother, Dr. Tovar cannot stomach the thought of his daughter marrying a rapist/child molester and part-time extortionist.  She told her father that she would be with Paolo even if they have to leave La Ermita.  Unknowingly, Incredibly Stupid has just fell into SSSsssssPaolo’s hands.  He asks if she’s serious about leaving town with him.  Yes, she would do anything for him.    
Church Agosto’s Mass Elisa is crying in the foreground, whilst a menopausal Alfonsina vigorously fans herself in the background.  Gael begins forming the plan for Operation Must Touch Boobies as Padre Lupe performs the mass.  Commercial. 
Jail Horacio is in a corner cowering in a fetal position (apparently he’s already been introduced to Big Butch, his new cell-mate/boyfriend).  Anyways, Horacio fondly remembers his wedding day.  Beso!  Beso!
Hospital Vincente’s Room Gabby has come to check on his spawn.  Vincente thanks Gabby for visiting him.  Gabby asks about Tonia.  Vincente explains that his mother went out and asks Gabby to sit down next to him on the bed.  Gabby tells him not to move and says that he’ll come back when Tonia is there.  Vincente says, don’t go dad.  Gabby rushes away from the door and almost back-hands the recovering kidney transplant patient.  He tells him that he is not his father.  He thumps Vincente on the forehead and tells him to get that into his head (Oh hell no he didn’t!).  Pitifully, Vincente begs Gabby not to Deny Natal Accusations anymore.  Vincente asks him if he’s happy that he is his son.  Gabby tells Vincente that he likes him, but he’s not interested in being his father (he’s a busy man and has thugging to do).  From now on, Vincente is to stay away from him.  Gabby tells him to wipe away his tears and be a man.    
Hotel Guido’s Room Ingrid knocks on Guido’s door and introduces herself as Kenia’s mother.  She mentions that Kenia had a fling with Paolo.  Guido thinks that she’s there to discuss Paolo’s discretions.  He says that he tries to stay out of his brother’s business and doesn’t know what women Paolo deals with.  Ingrid tells Guido that Kenia has swam with the fishes and now she’s fertilizer.  Ingrid’s not there for Paolo, she wants to discuss what happened at the procesadora.  She knows that he’s been accused of fraud and she can help him prove his innocence.  Guido looks intrigued and wants to hear what she has to say.  She says that she knows that he suspects Gabino.   Ingrid is gonna be a real dead woman when Gabby finds out. 
Church Agosto’s Mass This mass has lasted longer than Agosto’s life.  What more can the padre say about him?  Oh good! It’s time for the benediction.  He implores the congregation to leave the church in peace.  Everyone stands.  Don Lucio holds mad-dog Elisa back.  Alfonsina attempts to go towards Elisa.  Ambidextrous Damien pulls his mother back while simultaneously grabbing Florencia’s arm.  He guides las diablas out of the church.  Don Lucio tells Elisa to relax as Gael stands closely by and drools down her blouse.  He is determined that he will fondle those boobies before the night is over. 
Church Steps Damien and Las Diablas discuss the night’s events on the steps.  He tells his mother that he doesn’t understand why she came.  He hopes that she’s satisfied.  They turn to leave.  Meanwhile, inside the church, Elisa breaks free from Lucio’s grip and sprints out of the building.  Someone yells, CAT FIGHT!!!! Yeah!  The young men and the women rush out after her!  Dr. Tovar also doesn’t want any part of that cat fight (he’s too told for that) and tries holding his wife back, but Mrs. Kravitz breaks free.  Elisa, with bobbing and heaving breasts, bounces down the steps.  Gael, enjoying Elisa’s every angry step, vigorously remains in locked cadence with her.  Elisa catches up with La Main Diabla, Damien and Florencia.  She demands to know why Alfonsina came to the mass.  Alfonsina says that she came to pay her last respects like everyone else; she doesn’t understand why Elisa is freaking out.  Elisa says that this was not the time and place for her.  Elisa wants to know how Alfonsina can be so cold-blooded to be able to sit and listen to Agosto’s mass.  She repeats that Alfonsina is a total hypocrite.   Dolores and Don Lucio try to calm Elisa down, but she continues on.  She accuses Alfonsina of being happy that Agostos’s dead.  She says that Alfonsina only came to insult him.  Alfonsina denies it and says that she never wished his death.  Elisa asks if she feels guilty.  Of course not, why would she feel guilty?  Elisa says because Alfonsina did everything that she could to ruin her father’s life.  One day, Alfonsina will die too and she hopes Alfonsina rots in hell.  Oh hell no she didn’t!  Damien tells Elisa to shut the hell up.  Oh hell no he didn’t!  Elisa says that she will not shut up!  Don Lucio pulls Elisa away.  Gael follows the bouncing boobies.  Paloma tries to follow Gael, but Ramona pulls her back and tells her that she has to go home.  That cat fight was a real dud.  This was more like a cat nip.
Hotel Guido’s Room Guido asks what Ingrid knows.  Much more than you imagine, she says.  She mentions that maybe they should just leave things the way that they are since Alfonsina cleaned up his name.  He says that he doesn’t want Alfonsina to clean up his name.  She says that she can get him the proof of the people involved, but it will cost him.  He’s surprised to hear that more than one person was involved.  He tells her that he has no cash.  She tells him that he will need proof if he is going to expose Gabby in front of the Arangos and he’s going to have to do it quickly.  Gabino makes his enemies disappear.  He asks how he can contact her again.  She says that she will contact him.    
Casa de Castanon Front Yard Tonia is waiting for Dolores in the front yard.  Yes, that’s what I said!  Kidney transplant donor Tonia is waiting for Dolores in the front yard.  Dolores tells her that she should be recovering in the hospital.  Tonia tells Dolores to leave Braulio alone and threatens beat Dolores’ a$$ if she doesn’t (OK she didn’t threaten her, but she wanted to).  Dolores is confused.  Tonia tells her not to play dumb.  She knows that Dolores wants Braulio to “carry her milk”.  Tonia taunts her rival by telling Dolores that for 15 years Braulio has carried her milk long ALL. NIGHT.  LONG. ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE AND OFTEN.  Tonia thinks that Dolores will try to take advantage of the situation now that Horacio is in jail.  Dolores tells Tonia that it’s her problem that she can’t control her man; not Dolores’.  Dolores says that she could have had Braulio curdle her milk and churn her ice cream if she’d wanted him to, but she’s a lady and ladies don’t do that.   She reminds Tonia that the only reason she didn’t marry Braulio was because Dolores didn’t want it.  Tonia tells Dolores to keep her caboose off of Braulio’s powerful locomotive.  Dolores tells Tonia that she’s crazy.  Tonia tells Dolores to keep her grocery bags to herself from now on.  Braulio is a married with a family. 
Graveyard-Operation Must Touch Large Boobies is in full force.  I repeat!  Operation Must Touch Large Boobies has begun!  The target is alone, defenseless and sobbing at her father’s gravesite!  Gael feigns support by gently squeezing her shoulder.  Elisa stands up and falls into his open and readily available arms.  He holds her and buries his faces into her long, silky, red hair.  He’s finally got her right where he wants her.  This has been part of his strategic plan all along.  Elisa wails and wants to know why that woman came to the church.  I don’t know, he says using a smooth, deep, warm, sexy voice.  He pulls the mark closer into the warmth of his body.  He tells Elisa that she shouldn’t have yelled at Alfonsina in public (duh, this is not how you get to the boobies, Gael).  Conveniently, the hand that holds his Stetson rests lightly on her curvaceous butt.  Oh, Gael is soooooo good.  All this time, he has merely pretended to be a simple backwater hick from La Ermita.  Momentarily, Elisa pulls out of his arms.  Elisa points out that Alfonsina always insults her in public.  He realized that he may have made a mistake when he took the side of her arch enemy.   Gael takes a step closer to her, lays his hand on her shoulder and says,” I know”.  He wants her to feel his support; he’s there for her.   Gael forces himself to look into her eyes and not at his two ultimate goals.  He says that he realizes that she is not like Alfonsina, but she may have handled it the wrong way.  That worked?  Yeah, that worked.  She agrees with him and says something about not wanting to be weak.  Gigolo, I mean Gael, caresses her face and pulls her closer to him again.  He needs for her to believe that she’s very important to him.  He tells her to let him be strong for her.  He asks her to let him show her what he is capable of.  He loves her, he says, then slowly lowers his head and kisses her.  Score!  He’s mentally congratulating himself.  Dam it, she turned her face away!  He quickly apologizes.  She points out that it is tacky to make-out on her father’s fresh grave.  Gosh, I am so happy that someone pointed that out!  Abort! Abort Operation Must Touch Boobies for now!  He tries to recover by telling her that the cemetery is not the place where he’d imagined them having their first kiss.  She’s acts surprised that Gael has thought about kissing her (yeah right, watch the credits!  She’s slobbering all over him).  She wants to know how long he’s been planning their first kiss.  He says since they’ve been 15 years old.  The tease wants to know where the special place is.  He tells her that it’s a secret; he goes there when he wants to be alone.  She tells him that they’d better leave the cemetery because ghosts are there.  He says that Damien was the one afraid of Ramona, not him.  She walks behind him and says that they’d better leave before someone comes and whispers in his ears.  She touches his ears and runs away.  He yells for her not to leave him alone in the graveyard and runs after her. 
Casa de Arango The Bobbsey Diablas and Dam Disgusted are sitting in the living room.  Alfonsina can’t believe how Elisa acted at the mass.  Her father’s death is driving her crazy.  Florencia agrees that Elisa was rude.  Florencia say goodnight, she going to her room in order to finish packing.  Alfonsina giddily tells Florencia that she wants to see the doctored ultrasound pictures of her non-existent grandchild.  Alfonsina points out how rude Elisa was and says she thought that Damien would defend Elisa.  Damien agrees that Elisa was rude, but says that Elisa was right.  Alfonsina hated Agosto.  Alfonsina tells Damien to forget about work and have a good time while he’s in Mexico.  Damien leaves the room. 
Casa de Castanon Foyer-Operation Must Touch Boobies has been not been aborted after all; it was moved to another location.  Gael, stands against the door humbly holding his hat.  Elisa thanks him for going to the cemetery with her.  He’s using his sexy voice again; this time, it’s the gravelly one.  The kind that can make a woman’s toes curl.  Elisa crosses her arms so that her breasts are more prominent.  Gael tries using reverse psychology and once again asks Elisa to forgive him for kissing her.  He tells her that it won’t happen again.  She tells him that he should be upset for kissing a woman who’s in love with another man. Dam it!  He points out that she told him that there will never be anything else between her and Damien.  She says that she hasn’t stopped loving Damien and asks him not to kiss her again.  Dam it!  Gael asks Elisa to consider what he told her.  She tells him that there is nothing to think about.  He loves her and that will never change.  She loves Dam Fine and that will never change even if he marries another woman.  He throws a Hail Mary!  He asks if she will remain alone forever.  Elisa tells him good-night.  She won’t date him because Paloma, her best friend, is in love with him.  He bids her goodnight.  Abort!  Operation Must Touch Boobies is officially now aborted!
Witch Mountain Paloma and her grandmother are eating dinner.  Ramona is not listening to her grand-daughter, so Paloma slams something down to get her attention.  Ramona points out that Gael ran after Elisa even after Paloma tickled his pickle.  He didn’t even turn back to look at her (I’d suggest a really low-cut black shirt).  Paloma says that Ramona didn’t have to rub it in her face. 
Casa de Castanon Elisa is lying on her bed.  She gets up to open the window and hears a horse neighing in the courtyard.  Damien is watching her balcony (he noticed the plunging neckline too).  He silently rides away.  

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Comments:
I swear, I live for these recaps on Saturdays. You have taken a dull, rainy day and just made it brighter. Oh hell, yes you did!

"Operation Must Touch Large Boobies is in full force." I LOVE me my Gael, think this has been put on record, but you had me tearing from laughing so hard with your running commentary. But, I'm sorry, the chemistry with these two...Dam Stoopid Who? I don't think the operation has been FULLY aborted yet.
Have to say though, with both TN's I watch ( Refugio), I really am not a fan of the rich, messed up major galan and love the 2nd fiddle so much better. Why do the writers do this to us? They better do right by both these guys.

Patio was humming last night, but did everyone make sure to tip back a tequila in honor of Braulio last night?

Anyone else hear the doom and gloom drums hit as Paolo talked about the migraines? Was that a ruse? Maybe not---wonder if Doc Tovar does brain surgery too? Or is this a tumor shaped anvil heading our Italian Stallion's way?

Irritating betraying Gab for a few bucks she thinks she might get from Gweedo? She's a dead woman....YEAH!!!

I've also not hid the fact that I don't like the way Pal acts much of the time, but if she had been my child or grandchild, whatever, and pulled the "slam dish on the floor trick", I would not have been as cool as Ramona in my reaction. It's like they are making her brattier, maybe to justify a Gael/Elisa temporary pairing, but she's just getting on my nerves.

So we will be meeting the paid-off medical man Monday I'm assuming. But how long can this go on. She's a stick, babies grow in a mommy, and a married woman does sleep with said husband. I see a "dangerous, need total bed-rest" pregnancy coming soon. Tired plot device # 43. Heaven help us.
 

Daisy, I like her with Dam Fine because I like the way he looks at her.
 

Both Gael and Paloma bug me!
 

What we learned last night:

We learned Florencia, Alfonsina & Tonia are very tacky and very insecure.

Paloma learned she is nothing more than Gael's jumpoff.

Gael learned to put some serious moves on Elisa.

Elisa learned maybe she should consider considering getting with Gael.

Guido learned Ingrid has the answers he needs if he can pay for them.

Vicente learned how Braulio felt.

We learned Augusto has a better gravesite than Estefania.

Who paid for Augusto's cross? If Carmina paid for it, ok, I understand. If Lucio paid for it, he needs to get one made up for Estefania, too.
 

Hilarious recap. Great work
 

Well, I was going along chuckling at all your lascivious commentary-- fully under control and rational-- UNTIL I got to

"Dolores says she could have had Braulio curdle her milk and churn her ice cream if she wanted to, but she's a lady and ladies don't do that."

Ohmigawd, here I am in the library, all by myself, and I am absolutely screaming with laughter. Cynderella, you are a wicked wicked wicked woman. I sure as hell wish you lived next door. Merciful heavens, you are a hoot.

Your sashay through Gael's turgid mind was fun too. As well as your quip about Gabino "(he's a busy man and has thugging to do)".

But Lordy, that milk quotation...I'l be laughing about that on my deathbed. (I hope anyway...sure beats moaning and bitching.)
 

Dam good, Cynderella!

I've never seen a TN funeral where so many different people had to be restrained: Alfie restrained from Elisa, Elisa restrained from Alfie, Paloma restrained from running after Gael, Begonia restrained from running after the chisme...too bad nobody restrained Sabrina, but I guess it's too late for her.

Avances showed Dam suggesting to Flo that they get married toot-sweet in the DF, and everyone standing around the ultrasound machine looking concerned -- a little TOO concerned for just no baby, maybe. A tumor...? After all, SOMEBODY has to get a tumor.
 

Oh, Cynderalla, thanks for making me laugh.

My favorite line: Yes, that’s what I said! Kidney transplant donor Tonia is waiting for Dolores in the front yard.


Re: the catfight in Loopy-ville. If church were actually like this, I would go every Sunday.

Is there an anvil alert out for Gael? He's acting like such a toad -- albeit a dishy, gravelly voiced one -- it makes me wonder if the writers are making us dislike him so we won't feel so badly when he ends up face first in that recently dug grave in his mother's back yard.

And, speaking of dishy . . . is Braulio getting hunkier by the minute or what? Now, if he would just ditch the neckerchief.
 

Cynderella - thanks for the recap. Funny, snarky, and oh-so-entertaining. The lines that had me guffawing --- "Gael, who loves to watch a good cat fight (he doesn’t care whose clothing might come off), slinks forward to stare at Elisa’s cleavage." and later --- "Don Lucio pulls Elisa away. Gael follows the bouncing boobies." BuaHahahhaaaaa

You dropped the snark ball on this one, my dear --- "Gael takes a step closer to her, . . . . He wants her to feel his support;" uuummm.... support? BuaHahahaaaa!
I'm wearing my "Good Girls/Bad Girls" tee shirt and sitting in the back row of patio tables, a/k/a the Peanut Gallery, yukking it up over this…..

So, YESS, our two protagonists both wear tops that bare their chests almost to their navels, to REQUIEM MASS. Oh my, dress codes in church are pretty lax in La Ermita. I wonder what The Church Lady would say about that.

Did Alfie & Flo buy their funeral dresses off the same Mother/Daughter rack? The Bobbsey Diablas, indeed. (those books were all the rage when I was a kid)

Alfonsina must be exhausted by the end of every day, from controlling, running, manipulating, and micro-managing EVERYONE's life.
 

I love these wonderfully wicked, wacky recaps of yours, Cynderella, they make Saturdays so enjoyable... Oh Hell yes!

I'm intrigued by the fake pregnancy/purloined baby plan. I was concerned that the doctors in this TN had lapsed into ethical behavior (Dr.Tovar leaps to mind)... I needn't have worried.

It looks like Florencia's first ultrasound will come off smoothly using a recording of a previous ultrasound from a real pregnancy. It'll get much dicier as the pregnancy progresses. I'm amazed that Paolo could find an OB to go along with this. One can only imagine the initial conversation that lead to this.

Paolo: "So you're an obstetrician... what'd cost to have you manage a fake pregnancy to term?"

¿¿Qué??

Marta, I finally saw that McDonald's
commercial. Marlen Esparza is the cutie I mentioned the other day who is from Pasadena (my hometown next to Houston). I also saw a Coke commercial with her in it this morning. She is also going to appear in Vogue. I wonder if she ever watched Un Gancho al Corazón?

NovelaMaven, I really enjoyed your recap yesterday. It was pure genius. I tried to comment late yesterday but it appears that my note was gobbled up somehow.

Carlos
 

Doris, you apparently had a different take on the ultrasound scene in the avances. I was straining to get a look at the ultrasound screen and wasn't paying close attention to the faces. My assumption is that recordings of real pregnancy ultrasounds will be used... I'm concerned with how they will fake real changes in Flo's body over the next few months.

Carlos
 

Cynderalla: What a wonderful imaginative recap. Applause.

Well, I'm so over Elisa and Damián, and I don't care if they ever kiss again. The stalking horse didn't do a thing for me either.

Let's have more of the Adventures of Florencia and Uncle Paolo. They lead such interesting lives out there on the edge, or is it the ledge?

I was thinking that Florencia would not return to Hacienda Harango on some pretext - bed rest as someone else noted, or some other such thing so that Damián would not see her or touch her.
 

Well the fake ultra sounds will be caught no doubt by our famed Dr. Tovar "(AKA brain surgeon AKA OBGYN AKA kidney transplanter AKA coroner AKA general practitioner AKA phlebotomist)" At some point Damian might ask Dr. Tovar to do a real ultra-sound. Or if Sabrina's child is passed off as Florencia's-- please don't ask me how-- Damian will have Dr. Tovar perform his magic by getting the correct DNA results by the end of this TN. Doc Tovar will continue to surprise all of us,
 

Cynderella, wow your recaps are just getting better and better. "Operation Must Touch Large Boobies" was recap gold as well as all of your observation about old men hating cat fights.

Fina reached a new low. Lying to Braulio, firing him, and then saying men were untrustworthy, And the mass nonsense and her saying she'd would go to hell for her son. Well I say, to steal from AC/DC she WELL on her way to the highway to hell. Can't wait when all her machinations blow up in her face.

II turning on Gab isn't really a surprise. She has to do something if Ramona's prophecy is correct. And "helping" Guido clear his name (for money of course) we contribute to Gab's downfall if it takes him by surprise and I think it will. Or he may kill II AFTER she has given Guido the info he needs. Either way we get rid of two nasty pieces of work (sorry Cyn).

Carlos, you are probably right but I like Blue Lass's tumor theory. In this scenario, the tumor naturally is deadly so Dam won't say anything & probably still marry Flo. He won't tell about the lack of baby b/c Flo is dying. The baby plot is still on and incompetent Flo & her rapey-snake tio will get caught.

Oh and Tonia risking her health to bother Doris of course ensures the former getting sick b/c of this stunt & dying. Too bad her wretched spawn will most likely survive.
 

Vincente IS a wretched spawn but I felt a little sorry for him when Gabino so emphatically blew him off last night.

Is it possible that this might turn him around and get him to appreciate Braulio at long last? Okay, I know, I'm a hopeless "redemptionist".
 

Also, I say Gael - go for it. Elisa is fair game. Speaking of which, Damián plays too many, and he's always at the center.
 

Great work, Cynderella.

While a church is technically open to all, there is such a thing as poor taste and Alfonsina has no limits. I can't wait to see her Karmageddon.

I also think that Vicente is a brat and will never appreciate Braulio.

All recappers, can we all start using the jump break feature? Eva, Telemundo, and the Wedding Album got crowded off the opening page and this wouldn't happen if we all put jump breaks in our articles after the first or second paragraph. Gracias.
 

Oye, UA, I'm not recapping at the moment but I may again, and I don't know what a jump break is. Well, I can guess, but I don't know how to *do* it. Can you spell it out?
 

Wow, y'all. Do you know how HARD IT IS to navigate to a recap and navigate the comments so that hopefully you don't see anything anybody had written so that you aren't spoiler-ized? LOL!

I had to pause in my massive Abismo catch-up marathoning (I started a couple of weeks ago in the May episodes, and am starting July 16 epi right now) for a second because I really need to vent.

I've been watching a LOT of sh** hit the fan in rapid succession and it has been so much FUN, but this here makes me want to bust a blood vessel--

(if you don't think you can stomach this, please look away now)

/RANT
I could kill you, Orange Ho. Kill you! HOW could you do this to me? Augie had all of ONE MINUTE to lament the fact that he had done Estefy wrong for years before you promptly killed him and put him out of his misery? I didn't get to see him go back to the pathetic pauper-like grave of shame that he left her in all this time to face what he's done. I didn't get to see him grovel all shriveled and broken at Elisa's feet for destroying all her mother's stuff. He'd decided to throw his booze away, so just maybe he would have done something about Estefy's grave and even gathered their family friends there to witness him apologize and beg her forgiveness some more. I won't get to see him screech in Heifer Fina's face for maligning his wife por nada. Por nada!

Nooooo, you took it all away from me.

Instead of just getting your already packed suitcases and letting the door quietly hit you in the azz, you just HAD to go and show your face to your husband at what was undoubtedly the worst moment of his life, perpetrated by you. And he snapped. I would have snapped too. Matter of fact, I wouldn't have let go of your throat. I would have choked you out for every dirty, sickening, nasty, unconscionable, purely evil thing you have done to destroy Estefy and Elisa. Even when she was little, you were knocking Elisa's head off every chance you got and telling lies on her and about her. No one should be slapped around the way you were, but you sure didn't care about that all the years you were doing the slapping, now did you?

Augie was no saint, but his sins didn't even compare to yours. He was stupider than the average bear, misguided, weak, quick on the trigger (did I say dumber than dirt) and mean as a snake sometimes. At least he knew to hate himself when his sins surfaced, unlike you. You are Evil Walking. You blame your victims for what you do to them, even murder.

You go to hell, Carmina. You go to hell and you die.
/END RANT

Gawd, that feels better!

Mates, are we in final epis yet? I should finish the ten I have left by Tuesday, but I don't want to miss the end of this thing and not get to share it with y'all. That would surely suck.

Back to marathoning! Laters!
 

And as I said in my previous check-in, I am so very grateful for every single recap that has been done for Abismo. You talk about being a major help -- makes marathoning fun and easy.

Hugs to all our recappers. You are my lifesavers and I love ya dearly. :)
 

@Blue Lass...UA and Vivi had to hold my hand and explain in detail how to do it also.
You hit the pencil icon at the end of the recap to go to "edit", then in the toolbar on the right,you see an icon that looks like a broken page. You take your browser down how many paragraphs you want to leave on the main page, then hit the icon and a dotted line will appear. On the main page it will say Read More and clicking on it will take the reader to your complete recap.

@Stephe baby! Hope you didn't exhaust yourself with that rant! But I loved every minute of it.
 

I am also wondering how many more episodes there are. This story is such a hot mess now.

I'm going to build the Karmageddon poll soon. This one is going to be a little more challenging than LQNPA's.
 

JudyB - I think Chente will be redeemed and appreciate Braulio, now that Gabino has rejected him. (keeping fingers crossed on this one)
Maybe Tonia will suffer some sort of massive infection or side effect from leaving the hospital so soon, and ride off into the telenovelaland sunset, so that Brau & Lolita can be together. That boy needs a strong mother figure instead of a simpering, whiny eejit.
 

Judy- I knew you'd be an expert in no time!
 

Because I had kind and willing coaches, Vivi...kind and willing!

Doris..glad I'm not the only softie hoping for Chente's redemption. I imagine Sandy in Tn will join us too.
 

Cynderella,

Oh hell no you didn't write the FUNNIEST RECAP EVER!!!! I woke up Saturday morning thinking, I don't even think Cynderella can turn that weird-o episode into something interesting. I should never have doubted you!!!

Some gems (SOOO hard to choose!):

It seems that Dr. Tovar is busy separating Siamese twins in the operating room and couldn’t fit in a marital counseling session too.

Tonia was raped by Gabby (*has she seen Gabby’s six-pack? Yeah right!)

Padre Kravitz tells Dolores not to tell anyone what they discussed until he updates his Facebook status.

The whole "Operation Must Touch Elisa's Boobies" was sooo funny and the only possible explanation for Gael's horrible timing (as always).

I just loooooove your Saturday morning recaps. Hilariously funny from start to finish!

Thanks for a happy highlight of my day!

Katy
 

Cyn- Forgive me for not saying how wonderful your rcap was. I read it yesterday before running off for the rest of the day, and everyone's comments have echoed exactly what I was thinking.

Thank you for getting inside Gael's head. I like the guy, but have never thought his intentions and actions were as pure as others here think. Glad to see I was right about which brain most influences his actions-- the one in his pants. Elisa doesn't yet know that he did a wham bam thank you ma'am with Paloma. He sure as heck would take the opportunity to do the same with Elisa too.

I was so proud of Barulio. I try to feel bad for Tonia, but she has consistently been a whiney, lying, bitchy, sniveling snot, ever since the beginning of this tn 15 years ago. She has not changed, learned, or been humbled. She's done nothing to make me wish for her happiness, or for her to live. In fact, her dying would be a big lesson/wake up call for Vicente, and he'll realize that the only real family and support he has is Braulio. We have also seen many scenes where Lolita has been able to connect with Vicente, so I think we've had hints that she would be a perfect mother figure for him.
 

OMG, they're starting a Chente table. Let's give them the kiddie chairs.

Thanks for the tutorial, Judy. I think UA is right -- if all the recappers can be trained, it will solve our bump-off problems. Here's hoping!

TOMORROW Amorcito drops back to one hour so I can go back to watching Abismo *en vivo* -- hooray! I think we decided earlier on that the episodes referred to in the total were half-hour episodes, so I anticipate our winding up the first week in September. LOTSA ANVILS COMING.
 

THanks, Cyn!! Always funny. I loved "Operation Must Touch Large Boobies."
 

Cynderella,  you did it again, you made a tedious episode super fun. Almost  every paragraph is fully quotable, I limit my favorites quips to these:

" Bobbsey  Diablas ..... sporting  matching, black, form-fitting Versace dresses, feign shock." 

"Church Agosto’s Mass ....This mass has lasted longer than Agosto’s life."

"Her  (Elisa's)  choice of clothing is completely understandable, since she assumed the mass would be held on a street corner and not at a church."

Thanks Cynderella, your illumination of our Passion Pit is DELIGHTFUL! 

The only hysterically funny part of the tedious, ridiculous, unimaginative   fake pregnancy plot is that Alfie will be hurt the most at the big reveal! Ha! Yes! Can't wait to see her uncrestfallen, crestfallen face!!! 

Stephe, loved every fabulous word of your rant!  

Agree with all on Toña, her personality has worsened, she has learned nothing and doesn't in any way deserve Braulio's loyalty. Falsly accusing  even a "six-pack" rat with rape is a serious transgression. I nominate her for the "ride off into a novela sunset" category of Karmageddon.  She just needs to disappear. 

Doris and Judy, I'll happily join you in hoping for a change of heart in Chente, he's just a kid anyway, I'm sure the novela gods will be kind to him! 

I'm glad Elisa ripped into the Versace Diablas, she showed the inner strength that I've known was hidden inside her all along. She just needs to finish the job she started! 
 

Stephe: I just got to your rant and I share your sentiments! Fantastic rant!
 

Thanks Everyone for you comments! You are invited to come back every week and say nice things about my recaps! Just Kidding! I'm glad you liked it.

Pepe: I really appreciate it.

Anon207: As always, thanks for the funny list of what we've learned.

JudyB: I'm glad I could help you out!

Anonymous Sat Jul 28, 03:22:00 PM EDT: I think the actor that plays Braulio played Gaels role in the original. He was hot stuff there.

Urban A: I think there are 150 episodes. I also watch the Mexican Broadcasts and they are almost at the end. They can't do much more with it.

Stephe: Um, you are extremely passionate about your distain for Carmina and I appreciate that. You are funny! LOL

Katy: Anytime
 

Six more episodes left in my massive marathoning! YAY! *pedal to the metal, ahahaha*

Was totally expecting snot-nose Jr. Bandanahand's dimples to finally cash a check his azz couldn't cash... and boy did he with the phallycycle fiasco. BTW, though, while we're used to story lines being heavily reused between novelas, what the heck is it with story lines being reused within the same dang show?? Really, writers? Kenia gets mad at Paolo, roars off on his bike and ends up in the hospital, Chente gets mad at Paolo, roars off on his bike and ends up in the hospital... Paola knocks up teenage Kenia and Princess Flo considers using that baby to keep Dam Fine, Paolo knocks up young Sabrina and Princess Flo considers using that baby to keep Dam Fine (satisfy HeiferFina)...

Kinda stooopid. O__o At least wait for the next novela.

@JudyB @Sara Only wore myself out a little with that rant, LOL! Glad I did it because then I had to stomach the disgusting spectacle of Agent Orange grieving over Augie in black. The Brown Recluse is truly a Black Widow now, gah.

*hits PLAY on episode 92*
 

Hey, Cynderella. :)

Wow, the actress playing Carmina is flippin' amazing. She is something else, and the Abismo brass should be paying her DOUBLE for the magnificent job she's doing!

I can't wait to watch her play another character in another novela... (this is the first time I've seen her.)
 

Stephe, did you watch the episodes as well? Or are you only reading the recaps?
 

Q: "...what the heck is it with story lines being reused within the same dang show??"
A: Monkey writers, high on overripe bananas, and extremely proud of their creativity.
 

I'm watching the episodes too. I'm a sucker that way, I just can't help it, luuurve the visual drama. LOL :)
 

LOL, doris! :D
 

Ahhh... dang. *sniffle* I love whenever Dam Hunk remembers the last conversation he had with Augie, when the man was wearing a happy face that I haven't seen in forever (like from when he was truly happy with Estefy). I'm glad that the last words he had with Dam were words of encouragement and apology, with no ulterior motive behind them. (I'd feel a lot better if I could have seen him grovel to Estefy's soul some more, but oh well.)

Big Kudos to the actress behind Elisa. After crying for the majority of the whole show, she really needed to bring something else to the table for the HORROR of Elisa finding her dad caved in by a shotgun blast. I mean how tragically horrific. And she has. The wailing was different. Her face even changed. And the lump-like silence was the icing on the cake. Bravo.

Moving on!

*back to the action*
 

(So. I'm assuming that no one has to show any kind of identification when you sign the papers for medical tests or treatment in this part of the world. Yes, this is Daisy Duck--er, Flo Landucci, my niece, I assure you. I can vouch for it.

Stoooopid. Monkeys.)
 

Cynderella, what a funny recap. So much to comment on but everyone has already said what I would say. My favorite is the milk carrying moments. I laughed out loud and my daughter wanted to know what was so funny. I wanted to tell her but she wouldn't get it, so I said she had to watch it to get it the funny.
 

Thanks CathyX
 

Cynderella - What excellent Sunday night reading for me! Thank you! I loved "tickled his pickle". I must find an opportune time to throw that into a conversation real soon.

I liked the kiss between Gael and Bawlbaby. I am on Team Geal as Dam is so Dam Dumb to let his mom and Flor manipulate him like he does. If he goes to the ultrasound and the doctor sees no baby, but Flor says there is one and he believes her, I will be Dam Disappointed.

I am not a recapper, but I vote for the Jump Breaks! Seems like when I finally settle in to enjoy a recap, it has vanished.

Thanks again, Cyderella. You are just so funny!
 

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Paloma / Gael / Elisa:

Why did Gael have sex with Paloma? Because he wanted to take comfort in somebody's body after Kenia's funeral and he knew Paloma would put out and Elisa wouldn't. Plus, he holds Elisa in a higher regard than he does Paloma.

Paloma gloms & clings all over Gael, and Elisa doesn't do that. He has to work for Elisa. If Paloma suggested getting married to Gael, he'd hem and haw, but if Elisa suggested they get married, they'd be at the Civil Office before you can say "cenote."

And Ramona knows all of this, which is why she doesn't want Paloma with Gael. But curiously, Ramona treated Enrique like crap too, which leads me to ask if Ramona is just biased against Gael or men around Paloma in general.

And what happened to Ramona's husband/Remedios' father? Ramona could have been a young Paloma, glomming over a man, and got knocked up with Remedios, who glommed over Gabino and got knocked up with Paloma, who glommed over Gael and ???
 

Good point, 207. Needy, clingy women begat needy, clingy women.

Will this one roll in the swamp result in a pregnancy?
 

Anon207, I think you're right. I think Ramona had been badly hurt herself and thus wants to protect Paloma from all that.

She might also see Enrique as someone who is in Florencia's web.
 

stephe's catching up reminded me of one thing after gus died, and sorry if someone already pointed this out, but....

remember how elise cried once for a long time in the shower? why didn't she do that when she had gus's blood all over her?

another dumb observation: dr tovar's skillz had tonia up and about in a few days's time, but gabinos bruises are still a little evident. he should have gone to see the doc!

can't wait for tonights episode. i hope the olympics don't interfere!

-mai tai
 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 

Thanks for the link, Anonymous at 04:41:00 PM EDT, but I have no intention of falling for that... Take your game somewhere else.
 

mai tai - Elisa was most likely in shock after she found Augusto. It would explain why she didn't change out of that bloody shirt she was wearing.


Interesting theory that Ramona may have had bad luck with men, since no guy is 'right' for Paloma. It may be spot on.
 

Amiga Cynderella:

I did not get to read this recap until today, and it is fabulous. My first favorite line of the 'cap:

'Padre Kravitz tells Dolores not to tell anyone what they discussed until he updates his Facebook status. Dolores agrees."
Cyn, that was hysterical. I still don't know why Padre had to apologize to Delores. She thinks Carmina is Beelzebub anyway, but I am sure it has to do with upcoming Lups getting defrocked or moved business.

Second favorite written section of the recap:
'Elisa is wearing a black blouse with a plunging neckline. Her choice of clothing is completely understandable, since she assumed the mass would be held on a street corner and not at a church.'
ROTFL.
More...."She asks if he is excited about becoming a fake grandfather'...'

And my absolute fav
'Suddenly, a scorching blast of heat blows through the building. The clack of expensive designer pumps strike heavily against the stone floor. Elisa turns towards the door again. The gates of hell have opened and the Bobbsey Twin devils have arrived!'

Cyn:
This is as good as it gets in recap land. You just keep letting it roll, amiga, and we'll be here to rock and read.

Elna June
 

Stephe:
Loved the rant. Honey they extended AdP. It will be fun to have you caught up with us so we can all giggle together but we have gotquite a while (1.75 months I think) to go.
Abrazos,
EJ
 

Really? Awesome! Thanks, Elna June. :)

I'm on the last catch-up episode now, getting ready for tonight's. Abrazos back to you, dear!
 

Cynderella, this one is for the ages!! between your description of the Alfie/Flo grand entrance to the church to the 'operation must touch boobies' (I tend to agree with Vivi, at this point Gael is thinking with the brain in his pants... but then again how much experience does this guy have having lived in this town with only a handfull of women his age available, one of them totally self-absorbed with Dam Fine dreams... the other one as clingy as they get to him... he sees both extremes, nothing rather 'normal/sane' around him.
LOVED LOVED your 'no XXX didn't just XXX THAT!' hysterical!!

and one more note... Gael was worried someone would come talk in his ear... well, i remembered someone likes to YANK his ear, and that would have been more realistic in this context.

Thanks so much!! it was my bday friday and i got to watch Refugio but missed Abismo totally...
 

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