Caray, Caray!

When last in Barrera-land Federico, in a grossly misguided attempt at parenting, meets some criminal in a bar and pays him to do something bad to Baldomero, the kid (Juanita's bro) who accidentally kicked a soccer ball into Rodrigo's car. (Remember, Rodrigo stopped, made racist comments and Andres gave him a bloody lip, but since Baldo is an Indian he's the guy that gets the hit.) The bad guy steals a VW Bug, that most intimidating of all vehicles, drives about 5mph in a speedy getaway, follows Baldo on his bicycle and knocks him over. Baldo is unhurt but his bicycle is busted. El Gordo drives by, picks him up and takes him home. They think the accident is very suspicious. (Ya think??? The driver is going 5 mph, has the whole road but hits the kid on the bike.)

Ulises picks up Maite for their symphony date. Oops, Victor and Pancho walk up; Pancho thinks he has a dinner date with her that Victor arranged. Uncomfortable shuffling of feet. Maite chooses the concert "because Ulises already has tickets." Now Victor has to open a bottle of wine and make fun of Ulises' name to make Pancho feel better. Pancho says it was practically love at first sight with Maria Theresa. They laugh about their prep school days. Pancho asks Victor about his relationship with Maite and Victor tells him the reason they aren't a couple is because he, Victor, is gay.

Valeria and Veronica are talking about how strict Jacinta is. Valeria excuses her abuela by relating how Jacinta was forced to take control of the hacienda at a young age. (Forced by God to kill her husband and everybody else who got in her way I guess.) Veronica says Jacinta is a control freak and does she always have to wear black? Valeria says Jacinta is very generous which is why the whole town loves and respects her. Valeria somehow misses the fact that Veronica keeps trying to light her fingers on fire during this entire conversation.

Pancho admires Victor's honesty; he would never have suspected Victor is gay. Victor gives a short tutorial on being gay: most gays are not effeminate or try to look like women; they are normal, common people. Pancho says they will always be friends. Even better now that he knows Victor is not going to "make like a fly", i.e. be buzzing around Maria Theresa, he'll have enough of this with Ulises.

Maite loved the concert, the music made her cry. Ulises wants to go out with her again but she wishes to be very clear, she only wants to be friends. He accepts her terms. He asks about Pancho and she says she met them at the same time. Ulises says he's happy just to hang out with her.

Jacinta creeps up on Veronica who is reading, startles her and asks her if she's in the habit of visiting folks and then sticking her nose into business that doesn't concern her. She thought Valeria had invited an educated young woman, "not a busy-body like YOU." Veronica replies that she didn't mean any harm, she was just alone and bored. Jacinta, ever the charming hostess, snaps that she knows Veronica's kind...she's just like a little tart who used to live in town, (presumably Veronica's mother Magdalena). Veronica asks why Jacinta is telling her this piece of info. Jacinta says it's because she can see beyond what others see. She divines that Veronica has a secret, something important. Veronica, in a cheeky and sarcastic tone, says "No, I'm just a friend of your granddaughter, and AGAIN please excuse me for going into your room. I promise from now on I won't EVER go where I'm not invited." Jacinta doesn't want Veronica to tell Valeria about this conversation. Jacinta doesn't realize she is now talking to Vera, who removes her hair clip and starts to chomp at Jacinta with it. Then Vera-nica flounces off to her bed and flops down on it. Clearly from Vera's perspective the conversation is over. Jacinta, not used to this tone of voice from anybody except Remedios, shakes her head and wonders "What's that all about? I'm going to have to crack that head with my stick." Vera-nica continues to chomp at the air with her clip...rowr, rowr.

Unibrow and Don Jose are having a farewell coffee. Uni is returning to Ensenada and Jose is also leaving. Jose says returning to Aguascalientes was very difficult for him, so many bitter memories...a woman. Years ago in this very place he loved the only woman he ever loved in his life, but she betrayed him by leaving him for another. "Wow," says Uni, "the same exact thing happened to me." (And also to about 10 million other people.) They both agree that when the past is too painful it's best to live in the present. Yep, I guess that's why Uni is always fantasizing Maite's face in place of his beautiful wife's, because he's no longer living in the past.

Valeria is cooking breakfast for Baldomero and Juanita. The girls are going into town and it will be Baldo's task to occupy Veronica while Valeria has a rendezvous with Andres.

Federico shows up at Gustavo's place. Manola is peeved and wants to know what the devil he is doing there. Gustavo announces it's because he invited Federico to be there. He says he's worried about Rodrigo being a complete waste product and has enlisted Federico's assistance. Rodrigo arrives and is not happy to hear that he will be working instead of escorting the girls to Aguascalientes. He tries to wriggle out of it but Gustavo is adamant "No, work first!" Federico offers to go with them while at the same time undressing Manola with his eyes.

Baldo shows up at the hacienda to pick up the girls. Jacinta yells at him for wearing his sombrero indoors. Rodrigo is unable to escort them into town today so Baldomero is their escort. All the girls over-emote "Oh what a shame about Rodrigo!" Then in Juanita's language she and Valeria say how happy they are about it. Jacinta yells at them for talking Indian. They are finally acting like regular kids, pissing her off and laughing hilariously about it. After they leave she mutters some more about cracking heads.

Maite and Victor are shopping for the girls and purchase every pink outfit in the store.

In Aguascalientes the girls need to run separate "errands." Baldomero will escort Veronica.

Federico and Rodrigo are strolling through what is perhaps Gustavo's dairy or plant? Anyway, they are swaggering, maybe pretending to work. (Management by walking around as one of my odious ex-bosses used to say, what a jerk.) Rodrigo says he doesn't know what he'd do without Federico's help. Federico tells Rodrigo that last night he arranged for some criminal to target Baldomero, nothing too serious, only something to give him a good fright. Rodrigo loves the news and wants details. Federico man-jokes that if Rodrigo "behaves himself" he'll fill him in. They snicker. (Yeah, that's a laugh allright, running somebody over on their bicycle.) I found this scene really funny...Federico has the confident swagger that comes from years of insolence and boinking somebody's wife, but Rodrigo is trying so hard it looks like he has hemorrhoids. Then I reversed the tape and Rodrigo looked like a duck walking backwards. He needs to take cool lessons.

Baldomero is giving Veronica a museum tour. She tells him she had a lonely childhood, her mom was sick a lot and worked nights. She only had two friends, Vera and Violeta. "Do you still see them?" "No, no, I stopped seeing them when I moved to Canada. I shared all my dreams and desires with them." Baldo says he dreams of being a professional soccer player.

Andres and Valeria are sucking face of course, this time by a waterfall. They are getting hot and heavy. "Not now," she says, "I'm not ready to go there." He agrees it's soon and maybe they should wait until their relationship is more firmly cemented. She wants to finish school and return to him. He hopes she doesn't forget him.

Unibrow and Nutria agree the trip was a great experience for them, winning the gold medal and all. All of a sudden...Mariachis!!! Nutria loves Mariachias!! Off she runs, giving Uni a chance to recall, AGAIN, another time, a happier time, when he was serenading Maite in, I swear this is true, a Mariachi outfit. This memory is thankfully short. When Nutria returns he sees Maite's face instead hers as he gazes into her/her eyes. He's such an a**hole.

Don Pedro and his entourage are dining and discussing the wine event. Oh look!! What a coincidence, the woman with them has the same plastic surgeon as Joan Rivers! One of the guys (is this the guy that was sucking up to Jacinta a couple of episodes ago?) says that Jacinta is the patron for the region. Don Pedro points out she's very, er, severe. The suck-up says she has a tough exterior but she is well-respected. Don Pedro says when people seem to be that perfect there is always something wrong. "No, not Jacinta, in her case it's all true. She is as virtuous as she seems." For a serial killer.

Andres must have excessive sperm buildup because he seems to have lost his mind. He has been thinking about talking to Jacinta before Valeria leaves. Valeria thinks this is a terrible idea. Duh. Nevertheless he wants to be up front. She tries to talk him out of it. He'll be there at 7:00. Later, when they tell Juanita, she's shocked and dismayed and says Jacinta will slam the door in his face.

Jacinta and Manola's Mom (MM) are having a bitch-session at the hacienda. MM says her husband Nicolas will go after anything in a skirt. Jacinta says "You don't still get jealous over that stuff, do you?" MM points out that during the wine event the sore subject of that "mujerzuela" (loose woman) Eloisa came up again, it's the bane of her existence, even after all these years. Jacinta says "if a man is unfaithful it's because a woman who acts like a streetwalker crosses in front of him." "Yep, that's what Eloisa did all right, she put herself in front of Nicolas, not because she wanted him but to take him away from me." Remedios shows up with the tea service and screams "Lies! Don't say those vile lies about Eloisa. I'm not going to stand here listening to you slander the reputation of an innocent woman, a woman who is dead!" "Oh, she didn't have the least little scruple about putting it in front of a married man. My huband!" Jacinta interjects that clearly for Eloisa a man like Nicolas was a means for climbing the social ladder. "Lies!" screams Remedios. "Do you know when Nicolas began to hate Eloisa? It was when he realized that a poor and lower class woman like her didn't want anything to do with him." MM says that's a total lie. Remedios adds that she has no doubt it was Nicolas who spread the lies and gossip that led to Eloisa's bad reputation. Jacinta says that Eloisa worked hard to earn her own bad reputation. She allowed herself to get pregnant by that out-of-towner, remember??? Remedios answers that Eloisa's only mistake was being in love.

Back at the museum Baldomero is giving Veronica the tour when Andres happens by. Uh oh...someone with a mirror walks by we see that it's that blond slut Vera, not Veronica, who is up at bat. Vera-nica looks in the mirror and likes what she sees. She invades Andres' personal space and insists he join them. She keeps grabbing his arm and he keeps brushing her off. She sends Baldo off to get her some hot chocolate so that she can try to crawl into Andres' clothes while he's still wearing them. She keeps rubbing him and saying "don't you find me attractive?" Baldo with the hot chocolate listens at the door while Andres gets mad at her and stalks off. She follows him outside and hears the crazy tornado in her head as she turns back into Veronica. Baldomero is pissed at her.

The Unibrow family is outside their hotel ready to leave Aguascalientes. Andres finally shows up and they ask him where in the heck he's been. "Where are we going?" he asks. "What world are you living in?" Unibrow asks. "We're returning to Ensenada according to our plan." Andres doesn't want to go, he has to talk to Valeria. Nutria tells him to telephone her. They grab him and walk toward their taxi.

Labels: barrera