Caray, Caray!

We're at the world's weirdest funeral, where the widow and the Other Woman wrestle over a coffin and Mariachis serenade us with Cielito Lindo.

Juan moons over Paula (or maybe Marely?) but figures for the time being he's stuck with the drunk widow.

Cut to Nidia, sunglasses askew and doing the butt rub on late hubbie's casket while singing along with the band. She turns an alcoholic eye on Juan and slithers over to one of the four of him that she no doubt sees. She leans on him and announces the funeral is over.

At Casa de Nidia Juan has managed to get Nidia to her room. She staggers around while Juan tries to keep her from crashing into the furniture. She uses this as an excuse to engage in a game of grabass. Judging by Juan's expression she's got a grip of steel.

Juan finds a bottle of tequila in the undie drawer of gigantic brassieres and proceeds to try to get her drunk(er). He pours out shots and throws his over his shoulder when she's not looking. Nidia pounds the shots in scene after scene. She finally passes out and Juan, big guy that he is, lifts her heft pretty easily and deposits her on her bed via a back-roll-over-the-head dunk shot.

The next day at Farell industries Cesar tells Pastor he's late for Samuel's burial. Pastor tries to ingratiate himself into some sort of sales job but I didn't fully understand what this was all about. I was obsessing about his wretched toupee and didn't follow the conversation too well.

Marely and Yadira (with lapdog Enrique) are at the funeral home waiting for a very late Nidia. Yadira and Enrique are dozing on a couch and long-suffering Marely keeps checking her watch.

Finally, their very hung over mama arrives on Juan's arm. You know those 'lady' toilet paper roll covers, the ones shaped like a doll with a big dress that covers the roll? My granny had one of those in pink. Nidia has one too, black, and it's on her head. Juan is wearing Superfly shades. Even Yadira, she of the perpetually upside-down smile, is annoyed at mommy.

Over on the other side of town Paula and Ana debate whether or not they should go to the burial. Ana says she doesn't want to cause a scandal. (A little late for that don't you think? It would be hard to beat the cat fight over the coffin.) Paula insists they have every right to go. It's clear Paula will get her way.

The commercial break gives everyone time to assemble at the graveside. Cesar arrives and goes to comfort Nidia. She hisses that she needs a beer.

Ana and Paula observe the funeral, unseen, from the far side of the cemetery.

While Nidia is distracted by Cesar, Juan finally gets his chance to comfort the sad Marely. He holds her close, so close he can feel her heart beating in her chest (he tells us). He thought bubbles that he will be the perfect gentleman and he hands her his hankie to cry into.

The jealous widow Nidia lifts the veil from her face and shoots daggers at Juan and her daughter Marely.

After the service sleazy lawyer Alirio tries to take Nidia's arm but she rebuffs him and grabs Juan, leading him away from the sobbing Marely. Marely doesn't even notice; she tosses a flower into papa's grave.

After all have left, Ana and Paula approach Samuel's grave where Paula turns on the waterworks. She begs Samuel's pardon for being a cold-hearted kid.

Back at Casa de Nidia Big Mama wants to talk to the girls. Juan, sensing something uncomfortable is afoot, tries to sneak out but Nidia orders him to stay. She tells the girls that they are embarking on a new stage of life. Yadira will be fine because she has Enrique, not the best guy but good enough, and papa approved of him. Yadira says she's not marrying anyone much less Enrique. Nadia tells her not to be so fussy. As for herself, she plans to use Samuel's money to enjoy life as she sees fit. So basically mom wants the girls out of the house ASAP. Nice mom.

To Juan's relief Enrique interrupts and Juan gets to escort his buddy to the den.

On the poor side of town Ana and Paula weep over the loss of Samuel. Paula wails "Why did papa abandon you?" Ana says he had to stay with Nidia for the sake of the girls. Paula berates herself for not getting to know him better. She just needed more time.

In the den, Juan reaches down to a conveniently placed cooler, grabs a beer, and pops it open. Nidia shows up and demands from Enrique if his intentions toward Yadira are serious. If so, he must convince Yadira to marry him. Enrique becomes ecstatic and starts bobbing up and down like a bobble-head. He immediately officially asks Nidia for Yadira's hand.

Nidia sidles up to Juan and says they need to taaaaalk, she has plans for him. She bats her gigantic eyelashes at him, says she has a little headache, and needs to rest, nudge nudge wink wink. She sashays out swinging her hips from 9:00 to 3:00 and leaves Juan and Enrique gawking at her tush.

The guys pull themselves together, grab their beers and toast. Enrique salutes "a little toast to you...father-in-law!" Juan's look is 'Que the hell???'

Labels: Juan