Caray, Caray!

So, in case you missed it last night, Andrea attempts suicide to hang on to Alejandro. Mili's still not into Hugo. Hugo plants the seeds of doubt that if Mili and Alejandro get together now, Andrea might just make another attempt.

Valeria chats with Andrea. Valeria's going to be the substitute receptionist tomorrow. She can't understand why Andrea would try to off herself for Alejandro, that loser who can't make up his mind about what he wants and who's barely out of diapers compared to Andrea. OK, possibly I'm making some of that stuff up. Anyway, Andrea says she feels her impending doom, uh, marriage is hanging by a thread with that dang servant wench around all the time. Valeria makes some noise about Abuela Regina needing to fire said wench ASAP.

Now, the scene we got in the previews. Somehow a tarantula (not a spider as Luciana clarifies) got onto the pristine white comforter and Luciana didn't notice until she was close enough to take refuge behind the curtains. Damian pretends he doesn't see it and picks it up while he's blocking her view (was it real? It kind of hung on to the sheet there). He blames it on Luciana hitting the Fun Flask a little harder than usual.

Mili and Alejandro talk on the steps. Alejandro says that Andrea's fine, but the doctor told him she's going to need lots of support to get through this. In an unexpected fit of maturity he says this is his fault because he was stupid enough let things get so far as to agree to marry her when he doesn't love her. I don't agree with the "fault" part, but the rest of it's accurate. He asks Mili to just hold him. Regina finds them just then. She's glad they're both together because she'd like to know qué the hell is going on.

Damian accepts a check from Constancio for the tarantula trick. Seriously, dude, if you're getting paid to drive your own sister crazy, I'd ask for cash--he can cancel that check as soon as you walk out the door. Which is exactly where Damian is going. Constancio supposes it's to gamble the money away.

Regina's glad to see Mili and Alejandro together, but she's also thinking things have gotten way out of hand and the two of them suck at communicating. No, Regina's a classy lady, she didn't say "suck." She thinks Alejandro needs to let Andrea down easy, but maybe not just now. Mili agrees and asks Alejandro not to say anything to Andrea or his parents until "la greña" (the lock of tangled hair) is all better. I'm guessing if Mili sent her a get well card, that wouldn't help.

Luciana, now under the no-longer-tarantula-infested-covers explains to Constancio that it wasn't a spider, it was a tarantula and she, like, saw it, for realz. Constancio deadpans that it was wearing his pajamas, right? Ha! I mean, if you're going to drive your wife nuts you should at least do it in a way that entertains me. Valeria comes knocking to find out what mom was shouting about an hour ago or whenever (mhm, and daddy's coffee tomorrow is going to show up at half past noon, plus he won't get his phone messages until Andrea comes back to work in a few weeks). Constancio keeps up the mocking about the tarantula, but pretends to be concerned about Luciana (mi amor, etc.) and says he'll look for that big bad spider (tarantula, damnit!) and take care of it. He mumbles to Valeria to look for a spider with his pajamas on.

Alejandro isn't too keen on hiding the relationship, but Mili talks him into it by telling him her mommy died for love (or pneumonia, whatever). Regina says they should wait a while and then Alejandro can start letting Andrea know little by little that he's just not that into her. Alejandro agrees to keep his and Mili's luuuuurve a secret, but that's got to mean it's secret from everyone including Hugo. Regina tells them that their luuuuuuuurve shines out of their eyes ('cause she's a classy lady, so she said "eyes") so maybe they should only meet outside the house. Then she complains that the two of them keep hugging each other and they're not sharing.

Sitting in some mostly-dark room of the house, Constancio breaks the news to Valeria that her mother's a drunk…again. And poor Constancio has been putting up with her drunky ways for a while now. Why, that lush of a mother of hers has even gone so far as to hit him for prying a glass out of her cold drunk hands. Yep, and baby girl's gotta prepare herself because he may have to have mommy admitted somewhere…again. Yeah, he'll make a fine politician.

Damian tries to go to Roxana's Refuge of Roulette to spend his hard-earned check, but the bouncers won't let him in. He even tries to tell them that Roxana's his girlfriend, but that doesn't make a dent. Poor Damian has to go find solace elsewhere.

Valeria comes to talk to Alejandro the next morning. She makes a crack about him being shy about getting dressed (he's trying to hide his hideously large bandage from the knifing) but not about macking on servant wenches. Alejandro tells her to chill, he's not going to give Andrea any more reasons to pop pills. Valeria also informs him that Mom's been drinking again, worse than before, and she's even seeing spiders! (tarantulas!) Valeria worries that Mom may have to be admitted…again.

Remember the good old days when doctors used to make house calls and carry those black bags? Well, if you're filthy rich and live in a telenovela they still do that, except now they apparently carry fishing tackle boxes. Luciana won't let her guy check her out. But I checked him out and he's young and not bad looking--not galan material, but maybe galan's best friend? Constancio comes in and she asks Constancio to get rid of the guy.

Hugo quizzes Milagros about whether she and Alejandro are on again or off again. Mili makes some excuses that amount to she and Alejandro are off again to give Andrea time to recover from her "repression"…digo, depression. Hugo thinks this seems like a good time for him and Mili to date, but Mili says no to that idea. She tells Hugo he's got a whole world out there that he's been missing since he's been locked in his room. Hugo wants Mili to be his personal guide to the outside world.

Constancio walks the doc downstairs and asks for his opinion. Dr "call me Ruben" says it looks like a relapse and asks about her therapy. Constancio says her shrink went to Italy, so that's probably why she relapsed. Oh, not because he left, but because they were LOVERS. Oh, and I can trust you to keep that quiet, right. Yes, my wife and her psychiatrist were LOVERS. Constancio monologues about how despite all she's put him through, he loves his wife and needs her. Dr. Ruben says they'll get Luciana feeling better.

Damian catches up to Mili as she's leaving Hugo's room and comes on to her. What? You wanted details? Use your imagination; I was too busy saying "ewww!"

Alejandro takes his leave of Andrea for the day. She begs him not to leave her, like ever. We're still getting the evil grin behind his back, so, not to worry, she's just pretending to be that needy. Although, if she has to go that far to hang on to a man….

Constancio chews Luciana out for sending the doctor away. He tells her he'd like her to die and leave him in peace once and for all. To help her on her way, he pulls out a bottle from the nightstand and pours her a glass, which he leaves on the post at the foot of the bed. Luciana's in tears. Alejandro comes in and asks what's up. Constancio plays the martyr some more and blames the glass of hooch on Luciana, saying he caught her with it. Then he leaves. Luciana swears to Alejandro that she's not hallucinating. She promises Alejandro she won't drink and tells him she's still going on her trip, which Alejandro supports.

Mili tells Doña Regina she's go to go meet Alejandro to go "somewhere." Regina reminds her not to let Alejandro, uh, get too far. Mili recites another of Sor Cachete's lessons that you should always play hard to get. And how does Sor Cachete know so much about men? Oh, she reads a lot. Mili tells Regina that she lost her medal, but lies that someone stole it on the street. Regina knows it happened when Mili went out dancing. She tells Mili she's not angry at her for that, only for the fact that she's picking up more and more of Mili's slang. Mili leaves and Regina says that Mili needs more classes…and she needs an intensive course.

Valeria's at the receptionist desk dropping papers everywhere. The young thug who stole Mili's medal walks in and they make noncommittal eyes at each other.

Luciana calls Eugenio in Italy, but Milena picks up the phone and tells her that Eugenio welcomed her back with open arms. Luciana hangs up and hits the Fun (or not-so-Fun) Flask.

Mili visits Alejandro on a jobsite. She's wearing a yellow hard hat, but somehow I think the dress and the shoes still constitute a safety hazard. The foreman catches them kissing and asks Alejandro to sign some paperwork. As he tells Alejandro that he can tell Mili's his girlfriend, Alejandro gets a look on his face…like maybe he's realizing it's going to be hard to keep things quiet when gossip goes through the company mill.

Damian makes some snotty remarks about Mili to Hugo and Hugo tells him to quit it. Damian tells Hugo the "truth" that he'd been hiding while Hugo was in the wheelchair. He says that Carmen was quiet on the drive to the party and quiet at the party not because she had a headache, but because Damian had caught her kissing Alejandro while Hugo was getting dressed. I say "truth" because this is Damian we're talking about and I wouldn't put it past him to sully a dead woman's reputation just to score himself a few points. Hugo doesn't believe him. Damian gives more details: that he saw her in the garden really going at it with Alejandro and that she came into the house a few minutes after he did and lied about where she'd been. Damian says he was drinking a lot because he'd decided to tell Hugo the truth as soon as they got home. Hugo says he wants to be left alone and Damian leaves.

Back at the jobsite, Mili asks Alejandro about the guy she sees eating a sammich. Alejandro says most of the workers bring lunch, but sometimes they order out for tacos. I think Mili's coming up with another business plan.

Young Thug Whose Name Begins With C, aka Lupe's kid, came about an ad in the paper for a messenger. Valeria has no idea about the job and since neither Andrea nor Daddy are around she tells him to come back another day. Only she says it a bunch of times and in a really snotty tone. Lupe's kid leaves with the parting shot "get married already." Rorgan smarmily agrees that Valeria really should get married…and I'm sure we all know who he thinks she should marry.

Horacio goes to Damian in the study and tries to get Roxana's address by saying that since she liked the flowers, a good "detalle" would be for Damian to send her some. He volunteers to do the arrangement himself and to take them over if Damian gives him the address. Damian thanks him for the idea, but says he'll not be seeing her again.

Horacio comes into the kitchen, where Socorro is taking out her frustrations on some dough. Socorro has already told Lina about the long-lost-daughter, so Lina suggests that the next time "that woman" comes over, Horacio should wring her neck until she tells him where his daughter is. Karla walks in as Horacio says she won't be coming back because Damian broke up with her. Karla squeals at the news and scampers off as Socorro gives her a deathly glare.

Both Valeria and Rorgan are bored and sleepy and Valeria orders Rorgan to get her a coffee. A more-or-less good looking guy in a suit comes in for an appointment with Constancio. He's pissed that Constancio's not there, but he's sure that taking Valeria out for coffee will make it all better. Valeria gets rid of Rorgan and goes out with Suit Guy. I guess Andrea never told her that reception was a good way to pick up guys.

Karla goes into the study to try to get back in Damian's good graces…or pants, whichever…but he shuts her down.

Valeria and Suit Guy drink coffee and flirt. She hides the fact that she's Constancio's daughter from him. He tells her he was sent by the party to help Constancio out by being his private secretary.

Mili comes home and tells Lina about their new business venture: selling tortas to the guys at Alejandro's jobsite. I think Paula Deen started out much the same way. Socorro suggests they celebrate the new business by going to Coyoacan and taking Horacio. Lina fills Mili in about the long-lost-daughter. She does mention that Damian's ex is the mother, so I don't think we're going to end up with Mili thinking Horacio's her father.

Luciana cries to Damian about how her last chance at happiness is gone. Hey, lady, you snooze you lose.

Hugo watches some old home movies with him, Carmen, and Alejandro. I guess whoever was holding the camera was narrating a telenovela. They tell Alejandro "you're the bad guy, come on, get between them." The Hugo, Carmen, and Alejandro onscreen are laughing, but the Hugo in the room is crying. Karla comes in and tells him she wanted him to know that she still wants to be his model and she's not afraid of getting naked. Then she gets naked. Hugo stands up, as do, presumably, certain parts of his anatomy, one of which takes over his brain. Hugo kisses Karla. Because sometimes, any naked woman will do.

While Luciana's in the bathroom, Damian switches the paintings in the bedroom around. Subtle, but it would definitely drive me crazy. She makes him put the paintings back while he acts like he has no idea what was wrong with them in the first place. Luciana says she's going to take a bath and try to clear her head. He's probably going to move the paintings around again. Or, heck, just redecorate the whole room. This kind of reminds me of the time my college roommate got angry because one of her paintings fell off the wall and I accidentally put it back up upside down. Hey, it was abstract art--how was I supposed to know?

Bobby and Alejandro play tennis. They take a break and Bobby tells Alejandro that his parents are back together in Rome. Alejandro says he's happy for Bobby.

Like I wasn't going to hell already. Damian switched the paintings around again and Luciana's screaming about it. That just cracks me up. He reminds her that she saw him put the paintings where she told him to. She insists he must have moved them back to try to make her crazy. Regina and Braulio come in, wondering what's up. Luciana, of course, sounds crazy as she screams that the paintings are all switched around. Regina seems to think it's from the drinking and asks Braulio to make Luciana some coffee. Not Irish Coffee, one presumes. Braulio is sure Luciana's right about the paintings. Damn straight! You don't win Tightass Butler of the Year without knowing where everything in the house is. But Luciana thinks he's just humoring her and throws him out. And it's back to the fun flask.

Damian comes to Hugo's room and finds a naked Karla in bed and a naked Hugo coming out of the shower in a towel. Damian is run off. Hugo gets dressed and says he's got to go out. Karla's lobbying for spending more time getting to know each other.

Damian goes back to his room and thought bubbles about all the praise that Hugo heaped on Milagros. He gets an evil grin on his face. I don't know what he's thinking but I'm sure it's something nasty.

Braulio comes down the stairs holding Luciana's purse. Luciana can't hold it because she's got the banister in one hand and a glass in the other. Damian catches up to them both and gets Luciana to agree that she shouldn't leave the house alone and Braulio should go with her.

Constancio finally comes into the office, wondering why Valeria's there. He gets this disappointed look on his face like "drat, no afternoon quickie today!" She gets some info from him about Suit Guy, Sergio, who is apparently a young hotshot lawyer. Constancio gives Valeria a stack of stuff to copy and asks her to bring him coffee. The other day, one of my coworkers went into the copy room to make a copy of something and accidentally shredded it instead. He at least had a copy on his computer. Just saying.

Milagros comes downstairs with a tray and Damian hits on her again. She runs off. Andrea comes downstairs. Damian warns her that her ploy won't work for long.

Rorgan's already out with Valeria. Braulio is out with Luciana. Karla's upstairs with Hugo. Now Socorro, Horacio, and Lina are going out. And they're leaving Mili in charge of the house. I'm already shuddering even before Socorro tells her not to do anything crazy.

Damian sneaks upstairs and steals the key out of Regina's door while she half-dozes in her chair. He locks her in. Then he goes downstairs and attempts to force himself on Milagros. I guess we'll find out how far he gets on Friday--tomorrow are the Premios Lo Nuestro.

Also Friday: Constancio tells Andrea he's leaving all his money to Valeria and his lost child, and he does know who the child is. Pandroso is unmasked.

Labels: guapos