Caray, Caray!

Dear readers, I've noticed that when a recapping team has been together for a time, they (we) begin to think along the same lines, scarily so in fact. I started my recap before I re-read Keel-haulin Lea Dread's final version and...well...any similarity to her recap is purely coincidental!

We left off at last night's hold-up; the fresh meat duo (FMD) led our lovely urban cougars down a dimly-lit primrose path and whipped out their...weapons yes, but not what you think, these pistols are the real thing!

Nidia pooh-poohs the boys, oh they're way too cute, this must be a joke! No? Well she has news of her own. No, they have no credit cards because...she and her friend are strippers! That's right, dedicated to seduction. "We are thieves like you, without a cent to our names," she coos. Frontseat guy likes the idea and tries to pet Ana, backseat guy is dubious. Nidia hefts her bosom, tosses her hair and suggests they separate to throw off the cops. Unfortunately, dubious backseat guy demands the ladies' purses.

Yadi frets to Marely that nobody answers the phone at Ana's house. She has a presentiment that something is wrong.

The hoodlums have taken the ladies to the ATM and used Nidia's card to withdraw a fat wad of cash. Backseat guy tells them they are captive and they might as well relax and enjoy themselves. Nidia winks at Ana and suggests they enjoy themselves by getting some good tequila. The FMD look hopeful and Ana furrows her brow.

Over at the jail Pastor cleans up big time. Not only has he won Delirio's food but he's also won Del's and Gutis's clothing. Beware the strip poker shark. Gutis shivers under his newspaper blanket.

CL thanks Paula for staying with him at the hospital. She's his life, his strength, and he promises things will be different from now on. Yawn.

Juanito tells his Papi he's waiting up for him to say his prayers. Juan has something to tell his son. He has to take a trip to the capital as part of his job. Juan promises something, I'm not sure what, maybe that they'll move there? Whatever, they pray together and it's really cute.

Nidia, Ana and FMD are back in the 'hood drinking fine tequila out of plastic cups. They play drinking games and Nidia asks them what else they do to occupy their lives besides assaulting innocent women. Backseat guy asks about Nidia and she tells him her husband, a mafioso, is in jail.

Cut to the jail where Delirio, clad only in red boxers, shoes and socks, is freezing to death. He tries to crawl under Pastor's blankie but Pastor kicks him out, Delirio's not his type! Delirio battles Pastor for the blanket and manages to rip off a corner for himself.

Over at the 'hood a song comes on the radio. I recognize it but can't place it. Nidia loves the song and it inspires her to make a toast to all the mamacitas. Backseat guy begins to cry for his madre. Nidia consoles him while winking heavily at Ana.

In Achichipico Delfina comes downstairs, sees Juan deep in thought, and comments that they both have insomnia. She misses Angarita, who does Juan miss? He tells her he needs to travel to the capital to organize a beauty contest for their town. Delfi poses with an anthurium for effect, she should be the queen. Where does she sign up? Juan's mouth smiles but his eyes ask Que the hell? (Hey dude, you're the one who said no limit on age, and Delfi would make a great Anthurium queen.)

Nidia presses backseat guy's head to her ample bosom. He says it's for his own dear mama that he's turned to his life of crime and that's why he weeps. She's old, poor thing. Nidia calls them her boys, tells them money isn't everything. Didn't their Mami's work hard so their boys could be good? What would they think of their sons now, in the streets behaving badly? If they knew they would die!! No amount of money can make up for the anguish of a son who takes bad steps and ends up in jail or dead on the corner!

CL watches Paula sleep. Meanwhile Paula dreams of making out with Juan in super slo-mo. She wakes suddenly and CL asks if all is OK. He wants to know what she was dreaming of. She pants and makes some lame excuse.

Backseat guy wails how life is unfair to his Mami who worked hard washing clothes. Nidia says there is no shame in honest labor. They toast to that. She tells the hoodlums they are decent, sweet boys with a nice future. Thunder cracks overhead and Nidia says God agrees with her, time to change their ways. "But how?" they ask. Nidia tells them first they must return the money, which she in turn gives to Ana. She announces she and Ana will drive them home. No wait, their families will be worried so better if the boys take a taxi. Don't worry about the money, Ana will give them a big 200 pesos. (About $20.00 and I wonder how far that will get them?) Nidia hails a taxi, pours the boys into it, and quotes her captors, "The thief who steals from a thief..." She jumps back into Ana's car and finishes her tequila. Salud! Ana is amazed, and frankly so am I.

Nidia and Ana arrive home. Nidia is completely jacked up, what a night! She comments on Ana's silence, what's wrong? Ana breaks into uncontrollable laughter; she says Nidia's too much the way she worked those thieves, giving them advice then sending them home. It was a close call for a couple of old bags. Nidia thinks it was worth it. Should they live their lives surrounded by fear? Ana says she prefers to stay home and party with friends, people she trusts.

And now for the weird scene of the night: Moni manages to find CL in his room when watchdog Paula's not around. She tells him if, in his new condition, his marriage doesn't work out she (Moni) is there for him. He says he's the most miserable man in the world. Au contraire, she asserts, just imagine, two young and intelligent women ready to spend their lives for you! Moni confirms she'll be around if that marriage thing with Paula doesn't make it.

Ana has showered away the filth of their adventure and is resting. Nidia, however, has renewed vigor. "Guess what Aniushka," she exclaims, "we're going to the tropics, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta, vamos a la playa!"

Juan tells Delfi that he might eventually settle in the capital and Molondron can take care of things in Achichipico. Delfi looks sad.

CL tells Moni he's certain that the poor idiot Gaitan is not at fault for the pirated software fiasco. They need to save him because Pastor can help them recoup their business with the Japanese.

The three musketeers are in the judge's office awaiting their fates. Based on the evidence he says they will be dispatched to prison. Gaitan freaks and begs Delirio to tell the truth. The judge restrains him and mandates that Gutis and Delirio will be dispatched post haste but Pastor has 48 hours.

CL explains to Moni that Pastor's brother got the Japanese contract. If they save Pastor he will feel a moral obligation to persuade his bro to let Farell participate in the business. CL sums it up: all's fair in love, war and business.

The doctor who looks like he's had WAY too much plastic surgery (reminds me of the Bruce Campbell character in Escape from LA) tells Paula that CL shouldn't have sex for a while but eventually he'll be back to normal.

Ana tries to tell Nidia that she's not entirely on board with Nidia's crazy schemes. She likes peace and order in her house. She likes to stay home, listen to music, paint, etc. Nidia makes a sour face and says she'll do that in her 80s. Ana gives the ultimatum, if Nidia plans to stay there she needs to respect Ana's house rules. Nidia feels like she's being scolded and doesn't like it.

Yadi calls Nidia and wants to know where she was all night. Nidia tells Yadi to change her song, she's boring, something about peanuts, and hangs up on her.

The office gossips watch Fernando and Marely (in low-cut tank top) discuss Nidia and Ana's disappearance. Mari says Ana would never do anything irresponsible, but Nidia's another story. "Don't I know it," smirks Fer. "Que???" asks Marely. "Oops, oh nothing," backpedals Fer. But Mari's no dummy. "Was there anything between you and my Ma?"

Nidia's bags are packed and she's leaving Ana's house of culture and boredom. They make up and hug. Nidia's happy to go and Ana's happy to see her go.

Fer, discomfited and huffy, proclaims he, uh, respects Marely's madre. Mari apologizes and admits she was thinking more of Nidia than Fer. He beats a hasty retreat, Mari makes an 'oopsy' face, and the office gossips (led by Ivonne) comment how Mari's varon has suddenly drooped.

Nidia is back home and, to Yadi's great joy, happily cuddles her granddaughter. Nidia admits she missed them very much and Yadi promises to never leave. (Never say never is my motto.)

Ana tells Paula the story of how Nidia got the thieves drunk and stole back all her money. Paula's impressed but glad that Nidia moved out because she's nuts. Ana asks about CL's sexual diagnosis but Pau says it doesn't matter, she's not thinking of CL. Her mind is on Juan and last night she had a vivid dream about him. Ooh la la!

Cut to Juan who says goodbye to Juanito and Molondron. One of the Tweedles watches ominously.

Nidia asks Yadi about something odd. After Samuel died they had a cash problem, right? Well the weird thing is, when she was being robbed just imagine her surprise to see that she had a lot of money in her account!

Ana tells Paula (who is loudly cracking eggs) there was an odd thing about last night. She thought Nidia was broke but it turns out she has a lot of money. They wonder, could it be Delirio's? Nah, he doesn't make enough at Farell. And what about Yadi's expensive wedding? How did Nidia pay for it and still have a lot of money left over?

Yadi explains to Nidia that when her Papi died he didn't leave them one cent, only the house. "But then how could I have so much wool (dough)?" asks Nidia. "Because you and Perafan stole the Davila's inheritance!" admits Yadi. Nidia is muy, pero muy impactada.

Tomorrow: Moni bitches out the doctor and Paula gets flowers from Juan while CL watches from his sickbed.

Andar malos pasos = to make mistakes (lit. to take bad steps)
Bataclana = Stripper, cabaret artist
Chamba = slang for job
Regaño = a scolding, telling-off

Labels: Juan