Caray, Caray!

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in front of our respective television sets, to witness the carnage we are sure will result from the union of this man and this woman. Damian and Karla, you have planned, schemed, cheated and swindled, and finally your big day has arrived:

Padre Manuel asks for any objections to the union. Well, Padre Manuel, ask and ye shall receive….

Oh, yeah, that's a pink shirt alright. Fernando objects. Damian has to fake shock and outrage. Fernando claims to be in luuuuurve with Karla. She forbids Damian from doing any physical damage and then runs to Fernando. They mack. In the church. Cause Karla's classy like that.

I guess Marisela and Mat weren't invited. Marisela is complaining about Flor not wanting to move in with her. She goes on and on and Mateo pretends to care and gets in some more insults about Alejandro and the family. He hints about Constancio being a bad guy, but won't give details. As we've seen before, this is the best way to get Marisela to believe you…"Oh, well, honey, if you knew the things I knew…but I won't say…."

More outraged Damian. Karla complains that Damian didn't treat her well and her new Chicken Pimp treats her like a queen. And also, he's better in bed than Damian. Padre Manuel reminds her they're in church. Karla and Fernando ask to be married right then and there. Damian has to be dragged off by Alejandro and Hugo to keep from pounding Fernando. Padre Manuel refuses to marry them and he dismisses the crowd, all of whom seem all too happy to be dismissed. Fernando and Karla lobby for a wedding tomorrow, but PM begs off. Karla introduces Socorro and Fernando. Fernando macks on his new suegra. Again, in the church. Socorro drags him off to talk and tells him that she doesn't buy that he's in love with her daughter…and also, that she knows what he did to Lina. Fernando goes back to macking on Karla. Poor Socorro can't figure out how many more mistakes her little girl has to make before she learns her lesson.

Gloria and Lina are back at the house. Gloria comments that Karla's with someone even worse than she is. Lina wonders if it could really be true that Fernando is in love with Karla and she looks upset about it. She says guys only bust up weddings if they're really in love. Gloria says roaches don't like to be alone, that's all. Gloria reminds Lina that Lina's got Bobby who's a way better man. This cheers Lina up. Mili comes in all excited saying she's brought the pregnancy tests. Gloria refuses to take one, but Mili says they'll all do it so that she doesn't have to do it alone. Gloria's really afraid of it coming out positive. Lina and Gloria both refuse to go first, so Mili has to do it.

Padre Manuel gripes to Nestor about the crap he has to put up with at work. What's wrong with these kids these days?! Nestor reminds him that kids have always been kinda stupid, not just now. He reminds Manuel about some freaky hairdo he used to have. Nestor brings up Mili's pictures and that there's one of Mili's mom and Constancio. Padre Manuel tells him that Constancio is Mili's real dad and that she and Alejandro separated because they thought they were committing incest, thanks to Luciana. Nestor is impactadissimo!

Mili and Lina sit in Mili's room holding their pee sticks. Gloria's in the bathroom, but she's having a problem getting started and Lina tells her to run the faucet. She eventually comes out and the waiting starts.

Nestor can't believe Luciana could have done such a thing. PM has to break it to him that she sure as heck did it. Nestor is upset about Manuel not telling him before. PM promises he'll tell him the whole story now, but Nestor needs to chill. And so PM tells him about Mili and Al's almost-wedding. Now Nestor understands how upset Alejandro was when his grandma died. Nestor asks why Padre Manuel didn't tell Alejandro. PM says he had to keep his mouth shut because Luciana threatened to kill off Mili and because he believed she'd do it. Poor Nestor. He looks like someone just ran over his puppy. Twice. Commercials…. Nestor can't believe that his poor little fragile Luciana could have done this. Now Nestor understands why Padre Manuel set up the thing with the house on the beach. Nestor understands a lot of things now, and he wants to have a talk with Alejandro. PM reminds him that Mili doesn't want Constancio to know that she knows that she's his daughter. Nestor says Luci has a lot of 'splaining to do.

Big shock, Gloria's not pregnant. And there was much rejoicing. She promises that when she is, one of the others will be the madrina for the baptism and the other one for the kid's first communion, so they don't have to fight over it. Lina, however, has two little pink lines. Oh, please, writers, haven't we done enough to poor Lina already?!

Down in the living room, everyone is consoling Damian. He says he wants nothing more to do with women. But, no, he's not going to start pitching for the other team, he just won't be committed to anyone. Socorro comes in to apologize for her skank of a daughter, but Damian doesn't blame her. Damian claims he's sad since he was all set to call Socorro "mom." He hugs her just a little too long. Socorro asks for permission to go upstairs and see Mili and Andrea and Luciana fight for Alpha position again. Damian says he has to leave the house because everything reminds him of Karla. Before he leaves, he sadly reminds everyone that he was once her Chicken Pimp. Luciana looks vacant (or maybe she's taking a mental inventory of all the places in the house where she has booze hidden) and Constancio smirks.

Karla and Fernando mack on his couch. She blabs on and on about Fernando turning out to be the guy for her. He says she's just as innocent as her little friend Lina. Karla objects, so he says "yeah, that's right, baby, you're the one who snagged me." They make out some more as Fernando sneaks a look at his watch.

Lina cries while the other girls console her. Socorro tells them that it's important to do a blood test if the test comes out negative, cause it could be wrong, but if it comes out positive--too bad, you're preggers. Um, Socorro, we were trying to console Lina. Lina has to admit she's done nothing with Bobby, so it must be that rat bastard Fernando's. Lina cries that Bobby won't want her now. Mili's worried about Fernando marrying Karla, but Socorro scoffs that he's just messing with her. She says that Lina and Socorro are going right over to Fernando's apartment right now--just the two of them, not the other girls.

Alejandro and Nestor meet in a restaurant. Alejandro only showed up because Nestor said it was urgent. Nestor offers him a drink, but Alejandro just wants to know what's up. Nestor tells him he just found out what Luciana did. Alejandro doesn't want to talk about it with him. Nestor says he's worried about Alejandro. Alejandro says there was a time he would have given anything to find out he had another dad, but now it's too late and he's not interested. He goes to leave, but Nestor stops him. Alejandro tells him that he asked Luciana for the truth the night before his wedding and she denied it even then. Alejandro blames Nestor for not telling him when he had plenty of chances. Nestor tries to explain, but Alejandro doesn't want to hear it. Alejandro says that Nestor destroyed him the same as Luciana did.

Milagros comes to visit Hugo in his studio. She wants to talk. She tells him Lina's pregnant and she started crying when she found out. Mili says having a baby is, like, the coolest, but not when it's not the baby of the man you luuuuurve. Hugo says "What are you trying to say? That if you got pregnant with my baby, you'd start crying?" Mili and Hugo throw their promises to each other in each other's faces. Hugo gripes about Mili and Alejandro. He wants proof that Mili trusts him--by letting him manage her money and her shares in the company. She says she'll sign whatever he asks. He hugs her and makes a crazy-obsessed-guy face, while she just looks miserable and confused. Commercials…. Hugo thanks her. Mili's still upset and looks worried.

Karla and Fernando have a post-coital coffee. She blabs about wanting to go to Miami for their honeymoon. Fernando says she's funny and he'll miss that about her. Someone rings the doorbell and Fernando jumps up, saying "Finally! I thought they'd never get here!" It's Damian, still in his tux. The guys shake hands and hug. In front of Karla, Fernando says just hurry up and pay me the money, I've got things to do. Damian hands over an envelope of cash and Fernando starts counting it. In front of Karla. Who makes an ugly about-to-cry face. It's so callous, but I can't even muster up the energy to feel sorry for her.

Valeria and Rocky walk into the house together and find Luciana waiting on the couch, forcing Valeria to treat him like a chauffeur again. Luciana can't just let things go and has to remind Valeria that she can't let herself get enamored of the chauffeur again. Valeria says it doesn't matter since Luci and Constancio have done their best to get him to reject her. Luciana starts to whine that it's for her own good and she and Valeria get into an argument about it. Andrea comes over to join in, which upsets Luci even more. Valeria finally says that at least Andrea is her friend and she's glad that her dad traded Luci in for Andrea. Luciana slaps her across the face, then tries to beg forgiveness. Valeria leaves. Now Luci and Andrea get into it, with Andrea gloating and calling her a pathetic excuse for a mother.

Once Fernando has counted his cash, he takes his coffee and leaves. Damian tells Karla if there was a stupid contest, she'd win…"Stupidest girlfriend category…Karla Zorrilla. Stupidest servant category…Karla Zorrilla." Karla protests that her last name is Luna, but Damian says it would be like a stage name. Whether he means "zorrilla" as in "skunk" "striped polecat" or "little fox" is anyone's guess. He thanks her for saving him from both jail and marriage. She goes after him and he pushes her onto the couch. He tells her she looks better on the floor…with a bucket and a rag, of course. And in her uniform, which looks better on her than a wedding dress does. He says he's going off now to find another woman. Karla's left sobbing on the couch. Fernando comes in and throws the wedding dress at her. He tells her to shut the door on her way out. She asks if she can take the fur coat with her. Karla! Por Dios! Have you no dignity! He goes back into the bedroom, while she cries.

Chamuco tells Gloria not to be lifting heavy objects. She tells him she has good news, but can't get a word in edgewise as he starts talking about how he's going to work five jobs at once--whatever it takes so his little Chamuco has whatever he needs. He reminds her they've got to get married ASAP. This shuts her up and she doesn't bother telling him about the pregnancy test. They kiss and get busted by Horacio and Braulio. Chamuco breaks the news to them that he and Gloria are expecting and they're getting married. Horacio hugs him in congratulations. Mili comes in too, wondering what all the fuss is about and Gloria says she just told them the good news about being pregnant! Gloria pulls Mili close and whispers behind clenched teeth that if Mili says anything, she'll never forgive her.

Socorro comes into Fernando's apartment. She asks where Karla is and when he starts giving her lip, she slaps him across the face. She tells him he's going to be a father and Lina confirms it. He looks scared. Yeah, he's stuck. He keeps going around saying he only does it with virgins, so he can't very well try to say it's some other guy's kid.

Karla walks around at a park in her dress thinking about the nasty things Damian said. She starts ripping up the dress. Or she tries, anyway.

Speaking of trying, Fernando says it must be some other guy's kid. Lina says she's only been with him and Fernando says no one believes that. Oh, but Socorro does, and she grabs him by the neck to prove it. Dude, you have pissed off Mama Bear! She tells him he's going to take responsibility like a man. Lina says she wants nothing from him, but Fernando goes to his trusty envelope of cash, pulls out some bills and hands them to Lina. He tells her that should be enough to "get rid of the package." Lina rips up the money and tells Socorro they're getting out of there. Socorro tells Fernando he's anything but a man and slaps him again. After they leave, Fernando laughs and calls them a pair of gatas (either servants, hos, or cats).

That night, at Casa Belmonte, Luciana drinks while thinking about all the nasty things her kids have said to her lately, which, sad to say, she deserves. Constancio comes running into her room to tell her that Andrea has gone out. Luci says she's not in the mood, but Constancio says he can get her there. They start making out on the couch and Nestor walks in. Constancio tells him he should have knocked first that way they could have faked something. He says Luciana told him Nestor would be back late and they really should coordinate schedules to avoid these unpleasant situations. Constancio reminds Nestor that he's the lover, not the husband, and should be more flexible, especially since Constancio's letting him have free access. He finally shuts up and leaves. Luciana says she didn't want him to find out. She tries to swear it was the first time, she didn't do anything, he made her, etc. Nestor says he no longer believes blindly in her, he thought she was different, but she's a liar and a hypocrite, she's soulless, she destroys every good thing. Nestor says he couldn't expect anything else from a woman capable of ruining her own son's life. Dun dun dun!

Hugo and Mili come downstairs and run into Alejandro and Florencia. Mili tells Florencia she's glad she and the baby are doing well. She reaches for Florencia's hand. Will she never learn?! Florencia gripes that the doctor told her to stay calm and seeing Mili upsets her, blah, blah, blah. Hugo gets Mili to announce that she's reconsidered and it's Hugo who will manage her shares. End.

Monday: The foursome are still down in the foyer when Nestor and Luciana come downstairs, arguing, and Nestor tells Luciana to look at the great job she's done making everyone miserable. Well, yeah, I guess she has.

Labels: guapos