Caray, Caray!

Good evening Guapistas. Welcome to a hopefully drama-filled episode where at least one thing gets resolved…or maybe that's too much to ask yet :)

The review of last night is pretty short: Sor Catalina is ready to bury her parents' ashes, aka, the place where Macarena's money is probably hidden and Madre Superior is dying.

Mili and Rocky come home. Rocky confirms with Mili that he won't say anything to Valeria. As he goes upstairs, Alejandro comes in. Mili asks how it's going with Floreenda and tells him that Hugo won't give her a divorce. Instead of consulting a lawyer, she wants to give him time to change his mind, since she's treated him so badly. *sigh* Self-flagellation isn't a pretty trait in anyone, St. Mili.

Gloria and Lina review the love spell. They have to get a picture of Chamuco. No problem, right? Well, Gloria left out the part where she has to put the pictures together at the hour of Jupiter of Venus with the sign of Leo ascending and when the moon is in Leo with a benefic aspect in Venus OR when the ruler of the seventh house forms a triangle with the ruler of the first house. Lina tells her she's nuts. What's the big deal? That's probably next Tuesday, right? No problem! Mili comes in, but won't tell the girls what's going on. Lina offends her by saying that Gloria's gone more nutty than that fruitcake Luciana. Mili gets defensive and says Luci's not crazy, startling Lina.

Valeria and Rocky smooch in her bedroom. She wonders why he looks tired, but then gets distracted by telling him she's been looking at wedding dresses, with Braulio's help. Rocky doesn't get excited about the picture she shows him. She asks again what's wrong, but he just hugs her and says everything will be fine.

Ramses comes to visit Constancio in his office. *sigh* Constancio never learns. He offers Ramses a drink and Ramses asks for some fancy spring water. Since Constancio makes a face, he says to forget it. He declines Constancio's offer of a cognac, too. Constancio makes him an offer he can't refuse…but wait, first he wants to get to know Ramses. Ramses says that he's only a model for now. When his dad, Seti I dies, he'll take over all of Egypt. Er, that is to say, the family business. Constancio offers him an opportunity to get experience in the business world. He says he needs a personal assistant and he'd be willing to pay a good salary. He promises Ramses won't be locked up in the office, he'll be working out of Casa Belmonte, where he can hang out by the pool all day scoping out Valeria. Ramses needs to think about it. Oh, honey, don't strain those two remaining brain cells--you might need them later!

At Club Macarena the lady herself, in a blue bustier, sings yet another sad love song. What happened to the red dresses? I liked the red dresses. The crowd doesn't seem to mind. Hot damn, Sheyla's got some pipes! Liz Torres gave an interview once talking about how a big body gives you a nice strong base from which to sing out. Macarena doesn't have quite enough of a base, however, to withstand the arrival of Mono Salazar! In the words of Gloria--"achis, achis!" She calls "Monito?" into the mic. She tells her bouncer to call the cops because he's here to kill her. He comes up on stage and she threatens him with the mic. They both do that heavy breathing thing that usually ends up in rabid face-sucking.

Lina apologizes for what she said about Luciana. Mili says she's just tired, is all, and they'll see each other tomorrow. La Floreenda Esa comes in, requesting an audience. Mili's on the defensive. Florencia just gently corrects Mili that her name is "Florencia" not "Floreenda." Mili doesn't back down, though. Flor says Alejandro loves Mili and always will. She's tried to get Mili out of his heart, but three years out of Mexico and a nameless baby girl haven't done it. Um, maybe if she'd actually named the baby? She says that Alejandro loves her more than ever now and she's tired of fighting a losing battle. She says she took Alejandro from Mili and now she's giving him back. Nu-uh, there's no takebacks! I mean, way to treat a man like a piece of meat. Now Mili's the one staring, with a slightly heaving bosom. But I don't think the script is going in that direction. Commercials. Florencia says "he's all yours now" and Mili gets offended at her talking about Alejandro like a pair of shoes…hm, but what kind of shoes would he be? Mili says "he's always been mine, you just didn't want to accept it." Mili's pissed that Flor is doing this now instead of doing it earlier. Flor doesn't even know if she loves him anymore, but Mili and Alejandro do love each other. She's tired of coming last on the list. She wants to be the only woman in some man's life. I'm not Flor's biggest fan, but Mili just keeps being nasty, asking why, etc….just let it go, girl. Let the crazy lady feel like she's being generous and then go get your divorce and live happily ever after with Blondie. Flor says she knows she got what she deserved and she's sorry that she never realized that Mili was innocent. She's going to leave and take the baby with her. Um, yeah, I don't think Mili's going to go for that.

Ramses is intrigued by Constancio's proposal, but he's not sure. Constancio sells it--flexibility, pay, time to keep being a model. Constancio says his job description is to keep his schedule, remind him of appointments, type some letters, go to some business dinners, go to social events…oh, Ramses likes that last bit. He confirms that he can use the pool and tan whenever he wants to, but he's also worried that Valeria won't like it. Constancio makes like a rug and says it was Valeria's idea. Ramses thinks if he takes the job he can convince his dad that he's responsible. He accepts the job. Loser.

Bodies are flying at Club Macarena. Mono is laying waste to anyone who gets between him and Macarena. She's behind the bar throwing anything breakable she can find at him. He complains that she took his money and betrayed him. She denies having the money and points out that if she did have it, she wouldn't be singing in a filthy rat-hole of a place, wearing such a skanky outfit. That's what she means, anyway. Although, I don't think the outfit's so bad…I just didn't like the color. They both get a little teary. Mono kneels on the floor and cries for his money. He sobs about how he still remembers her body and she's his goddess. Aw, see, Mono really is a sensitive man after all. Macarena makes him look her in the face and tell her again. He complains about the skankyness of the outfit, but she apparently doesn't like it either. What, would she rather be wearing a muumuu? They hug and cry. She actually looks like a tiny woman next to him. He says he was dying without her. She kisses him and the bouncer comes up and tries to bust it up, but Macarena has to explain that it's all good. Bouncer guy goes away and they hug and kiss some more.

Mili cries to Flor about taking the baby away from Alejandro. Flor just calmly explains that the law will give her the baby. She says that's the price for Alejandro getting rid of her. Mili's upset about her talking about the baby like she's something on sale at the grocery store. Flor says she's said all she wanted to say and walks out. Mili seethes.

Gloria tries to talk to Chamuco. She compliments his produce. No, that's not a euphemism. Socorro asks him for a joke, but he's not in the mood. Chamuco asks if she's heard the one about the girl who told the guy she was pregnant when she wasn't. Heh. Lina comes in with her camera, asking Socorro to pose. Then she tries to get a shot of Chamuco, but he refuses, saying he's all dirty and no wonder girls laugh at him. They all talk him into it and Lina gets her shot. He makes a joke about them using the picture for "brujeria." Now, the literal translation is "witchcraft", however the two words aren't necessarily interchangeable, as both words have multiple meanings and he's probably referring to traditional folk magic that's more common in Mexico rather than a more organized set of beliefs and practices originating from European traditions, i.e., Wicca. Anyway, Chamuco leaves and Gloria crows about having what she needs for the spell. Socorro advises her to wait before taking the film to get developed rather than leaving right on his heels, that way he won't suspect.

Back at Club Macarena, Macarena disappoints me greatly by wearing a muumu. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. At least her voice hasn't suffered with the wardrobe change. Oh, oh, oh! Mono's singing with her. He's not that great, but I'm enjoying the moment. Wow, she's really short. They sing a song about waiting for each other. The bouncer applauds, but he seems to be the only one left. Macarena tells him to come take the microphones. Mono pulls out a chair for her so they can sit at a table together. He says he hasn't had a woman the whole time he's been locked up…until last night. Oh, I see, that's why she's so happy. Uh, and also that now it's the day after. Mono asks about the money. Macarena says she didn't know what to do when he got caught, so she put the money in with her parents' ashes. Ding, ding, ding! Score a point for all of us who saw that coming. She says she had to roll the bills up tight, but they fit. The problem is, only her sister Catalina knows where the ashes are.

Sor Catalina puts dad's ashes, then mom's, into a crypt. An nice young man puts the door on. Padre Manuel says it's better this way and he'll have a plaque put up with their names on it. Sor Cachete encourages Madre Superior to talk to Padre Manuel right there and now. MS is pissed off.

Mono is surprised to hear that Macarena has a twin. Macarena says she's only had one lead, but the guy took off. Mono guesses it was Damian and remembers that Damian said she was a nun. He's going to go get the info from Damian. Macarena thinks it's funny her sister became a nun and she's glad that now Mono knows she didn't betray him. She says she's happy he's out now, so she can eat him all up. Mono asks if that's just a saying, but she denies it.

Gloria is wrapping up the pictures of her and Chamuco with an entire roll of red ribbon. At that rate, they'll not only end up back together, but married and popping out a kid every nine or ten months. She reminds Socorro and Lina that they have to wait for the hour of Jupiter or Venus, etc. but she forgets the rest. Socorro and Lina both think she's nuts. Socorro jokes that they should call information and ask about the hour.

Valeria finds Ramses sunning by the pool. He tells her he's working for her dad. She doesn't believe it. He says he's daddy's new personal assistant. Valeria says she's going to go clear this up right away.

Bobby and Rocky are decorating the new office. Some moving guys come in with a desk. Rocky jokes about having a hot secretary. Now he wants his name in much bigger letters on the door. Bobby turns the sign around and sees that it says "Ricardo "Rocky" Juarez, Director of Projects and Only Love of Valeria." Well, you've gotta give him points for enthusiasm. Bobby's not feeling it. He says Rocky can't hang it. Rocky's also made one for Bobby: "Bobby Senderos, Vice President and Lina's Main Man". Do I even want to know what Alejandro's says? Bobby doesn't like this sign either and says it's not professional. Bobby vetoes getting a look at Alejandro's. Awwwww. Bobby has to explain about professionalism. The Cliffs Notes version, of course. Rocky lets slip that he's meeting Mili to go somewhere, but covers before he says it's "To visit my future mother-in-law in the hospital where she's detoxing." He leaves and Bobby hides the signs behind a painting.

Valeria comes in, in a robe, to chew out her dad. Um, you might have more of an impact if you got fully dressed first. I'm just saying. She complains that he's never needed a personal assistant before. He tells her she's being capricious and it'll pass. He says he's giving Ramses the opportunity to learn about business and reminds her that he no longer has Bobby and Alejandro to publicly humiliate. Valeria still insists that he fire Ramses. Constancio says he can't and he can't send him to the office either. Valeria accuses him of doing it so she has problems with Rocky. Constancio plays dumb. Valeria finally insists that Ramses be told not to come near her.

Alejandro comes downstairs and runs into Mili, who is off to visit Luciana, but lies and says she's going to visit Sor Cachete. She asks where Florencia is and Alejandro says she didn't come home last night and left him a message that she and the baby are at Marisela's apartment. Mili breaks it to him that Florencia is going to leave him and is going to take the baby with her. Mili begs him to go after her and not let her take the baby away from him. Alejandro is impactado.

Braulio can't resist the sight of a shirtless Ramses and comes over to chat about skin care. And ogle his chest. Ramses announces that he's the new personal assistant of Constancio. Braulio flirts with an oblivious Ramses. Valeria comes back, throws a towel at Ramses and tells him to go do some work. She wants to tan and he's in her spot. Ramses says she's afraid that the chauffeur will get mad. Valeria says that he's not a chauffeur anymore (no more uniform?) and that he's just gone into business with her brother. Ramses seems slightly surprised, but his face doesn't really move, what with all that Botox he's probably already had.

Alejandro calls Marisela's apartment and asks to talk to Florencia, but Florencia won't talk to him. Gloria comes up to ask Alejandro about finding the right hour for the spell. I hate to break it to Gloria, but what she's looking for is going to take some math. Alejandro finally says that he knows what the hour is…it's the hour to run away! And he does. Gloria pouts.

The Doc breaks it to Mili and Rocky that Luci is doing better, but is still detoxing. She's back to her old, crabby self. He still thinks it's best not to tell the family until she's better. He won't let Mili in to see her, even though she begs. A nurse comes looking for him. Mili decides she's sneaking in. Luciana's tied down, begging for a drink. She's still got a nasty black eye. She asks for drinks and mutters about some barking dogs and then orders everyone out before asking for more alcohol again. Mili gives a desperate, fast-talking pep talk. Luciana takes the opportunity to insult Mili some more and tell her she'll end up alone, just like her mother. Then she goes back to screaming about the worms that are eating her from the inside. The doctor comes in to hustle Mili out of the room and say "I told you so!" Meanwhile Luci says she's thirsty and asks whoever she's seeing not to take the bottle.

Alejandro goes over to Marisela's apartment, but she tries to say that Flor isn't there. Flor finally comes out of the bedroom and tells Alejandro to go see the baby. She says she's confused and being with Rigoberto is making her question who she should be with. She tells him if she leaves, she's taking the baby with her and asks him what she should do.

Monday: Ramses gets on Rocky and Valeria's nerves, Flor and Alejandro have words, and we are promised big stuff happening as we are in Ultimas Semanas.

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