Caray, Caray!

Alternate title: DUMB AND DUMBER GET ENGAGED

Alright, now that I've vented my spleen, let's get to the recap. We have a little rehash of Sara and Bruno in their low-rent digs, musing on how best to take revenge on Alonso and the family. They decide that sabotaging Zulema's bypass operation is the perfect opportunity. Sara caresses Bruno's leg, pleased that he's such a go-to guy. Ay yi yi, what's not to love?

Now the aftermath of the "despedidas". Julian has the mother of all hangovers and Rossy's fuming because she thinks he may have a guilty conscience as well. They both end up assuring the other that they each just indulged in "sanos esparcimientos" (healthy relaxation, recreation) during their respective parties. Rossy decides not to kill him just yet as that would deep-six the wedding.

Aftermath 2: Paula's at Alonso's apartment noticing the mess and then adding slyly...You should have seen Lorena last night! Alonso immediately shows some jealousy so she quickly assures him it was nothing and lights into Don Toribio for dating Catalina, mother-in-law, so to speak, of that witch who took her Dario. Don Toribio protests that Catalina is "just a friend" and rolls his eyes in long-suffering.

And speaking of witches, schemer-girl, who engineered Bettina's accident, jumps up to join Ivan in the contest, assuring the teacher she knows all the choreography but is ready to put in as much extra time as possible to practice. Ivan is bummed but Bettina tells him to do it for "both of us" so he agrees. (I'm much too worried about Ernesto to fret about this little subplot but hey...whatever).

Rossy, meanwhile, is continuing her torture of the hairdresser. This time the coiffure she requests makes her head look like broccoli....or a salad...and the poor guy is ready to shave her head rather than start all over. Lorena pours oil on troubled waters, convincing him that he's the ONLY man in the world who can make Rossy a beautiful bride. He finally agrees as long as Rossy promises to keep her lip zipped while he's working.

Now we see Rossy and Lorena, all gussied up and Lordy, with a ton of eye makeup on!...even by Televisa standards Lorena looks like a racoon. An attractive racoon yes, but still..... Anyway, big embrace. Wedding nerves. You're my" amiga de alma" etc. At the lesser house, Omar is helping a equally nervous Julian get ready (he has his tie turned backwards) and we have an awkward little scene where Julian assures him he's the best father and husband ever... and the man Julian most admires in the whole world. Omar looks uncomfortable. As well he should.

Back to Rossy's house. Doorbell rings. It's Chef Hawt bearing gifts. Lorena's impactada at seeing him. He's impactado period, managing to mumble only that she's beautiful, that he had to see her, NEEDED to see her. She reminds him frostily that they agreed it was over and he apologizes for being self-centered enough to try one more time. Ye gods, this guy is so whipped right now!! I think he should just undo that fussy little chignon of hers, throw her over his shoulder and haul her off into the bushes... but no, he apologizes some more, kisses her chastely on the cheek and leaves. She raises her eyebrows. I want to smack her. Moving on.....

We're in a beautiful church and Rossy comes down the aisle on the arm of Vasco, smiling at one and all. Some smoochy kisses at the end of the ceremony. No gold coins or "lazos" around the couple but whatever. Scene shifts to Redeemed Acres where the reception is being held. Greta sees Omar and gives him a smoldering stare. He looks like his pants are too tight. The party continues.

Ivan is late to the reception because of all the extra practice he had to do with the talcum powder wench. He wants to spare Ernesto driving him, afraid that seeing Lorena will be painful. Ernesto assures him he already saw Lorena that morning so no reason not to drop him off. Ivan says he'll manage to find another way home.

Now that the religious ceremony is over, the civil ceremony, which includes Maruja and Jaime begins. Rossy and Maruja really do look like mother and daughter. There's an impactado moment when Hortensia appears, walking with a cane, and very dolled up, asking if she could be one of the witnesses. Maruja answers that she would be honored. The papers are signed, Lorena and Alonso, Zully and Omar. Hortensia and whoever.... Lots of kisses. Lots of pictures.

Greta comes up to flirt with a very nervous Omar. She assures him it's normal for a secretary to speak with her boss at a party and goes on to gush about what a beautiful house he grew up in. You must have been very happy! No....I learned about happiness later....with Zulema. You say that to hurt me, fires back Greta, but I know you're VERY HAPPY with me...happier than you are with her.

Hortensia's in the dining room inspecting the food, looking a bit like her persnickety old self in the company kitchen. Zully is defensive about the simple dishes, noting they didn't really have the budget to do more. Hortensia assures her that what impresses her is the tenderness and love with which the food was prepared. And Zully's united family. Only I am out of place, adds Horty sadly. I thank you for caring for my son and for giving him what I couldn't. Zully looks mollified but a little flummoxed.

At that point, Hortensia sees Vasco, holding Diana's baby, and lights up like a Christmas tree. You came, son! Only because of Jaime and Julian., he retorts. As Diana enters, Hortensia asks for forgiveness once more. Diana gives it; Vasco won't. He's still far too angry.

Our hapless Ernesto is in front of the house, dropping off Ivan and sighing Lorena, I know you're in there. How I wish I were with you. (as do we, chef, as do we)

More reception frivolity as Lorena and Rossy are talking about being sisters; Julian complains that he's been downgraded, he and Rossy start teasing each other with sexy soccer double entendres (red cards, penalties, you're my big scorer, full-time and overtime etc.) and some more kisses.

Dear clueless Zully has gone over to personally thank Greta for "what she's doing for her". Greta assures her that she's seen nothing suspicious. Omar works hard and is a perfect gentleman. Yes, Zully answers, but something's going on. I know that. Indeed.

Ivan, in the meantime, has scoped out from Bettina that there's nothing formal between Alonso and Lorena. Tio Alonso would love for there to be but there isn't. He can't wait to let his own tio know, but alas Ivan has left his cellphone at home.

It's bouquet throwing time and I hope, if you saw this, that you noticed Barbara jumping around like a madwoman. I'm surprised she didn't catch the bouquet. It went to Diana who then exchanges meaningful looks with Vasco. So what does Alonso do? grabs some flowers out of one of the table decorations, presents the mangled blooms to Lorena and asks her to be his novia and marry him. There's a decorous pause while he sweats it....but then she says "yes", she accepts. And even more surprising, adds, "let's forget the past". Not often you hear a woman say that! He promises to love her all the days of his life. (This is the only thing that gives me hope. If he promises that, it ain't gonna happen...not by telenovela rules, right?)

Okay, switch to the guy we really want Lorena to marry (though she doesn't deserve him at this point). He's driving around aimlessly, his "animo en el sótano" (down in the dumps) when Jimena, showing a lot of 38 Long cleavage, calls and tells him to meet her at their old stamping grounds where they have delicious margaritas. She's ready to give him a shoulder to cry on and then some. He's convinced, does a screeching U-turn and heads for the bar.

More celebrating back at the reception. Barbara is congratulating Maruja and Jaime on their marriage and Jaime is wishing her the best in return, noting that they have HALF their life ahead of them. Now Barbara knows he's a changed man! he never used to be that optimistic.

"Pastel, pastel, queremos el pastel!" So the cake is brought out, Maruja and Rossy get into one of their endless arguments over who's going to do what, and finally their husbands step in and cut the cake themselves. Rossy's happy they're not going on the honeymoon together. So are we.

Ivan's in the house, borrowing a cellphone from a waiter (who's worried Ivan's not going to pay for the calls) and trying to reach Ernesto. He gets sidetracked though and decides to kiss Bettina instead. Paula and Greta arrive just at this moment. Paula goes into a Heimlich-worthy choke. Ivan vamooses. Bettina is embarrassed. Greta helpfully adds that Paula has "metido la pata....hasta el fondo" (really put her foot in it).

Chef Hawt is getting seriously sloshed, sucking down martinis like they're water. But not even a thousand martinis can dull his pain. Not even as an adolescent has he been in love like this. He's paying dearly ("con creces") for it. The cellphone keeps ringing but he refuses to answer. It's not Lorena, he knows the kids are fine; he doesn't recognize the number.

We flip back to the reception where Zully is gushing with happiness over Lorena's engagement. After all, Alonso is the one who gave Lorena back her family. And now they have so much to catch up on...so much to look forward to...a wedding, Lorena's graduation, her first child...(Oh Lordy, I hope they're not going to have Zully die on the operating table!? Noooo, they wouldn't do that.....would they?)

Anyway, back to our suffering chef. Jimena has ordered him a taxi since he's three sheets to the wind. He assures her he's got "muy buen cabeza". "Pero mal trago" she replies. ("trago" can be drink but it can also mean "experience") She leaves. The phone rings and this time he answers. It's Ivan telling him Lorena and Alonso aren't novios. Ernesto celebrates by finishing his umpteenth martini, ordering another and gulping down Jimena's leftover margarita as well. This doesn't bode well.

Back at the lesser house, Zully and Omar are proposing a more decorous toast, with little cups of leftover Christmas cider. To Lorena and Alonso! from one wedding to another! Diana adds. The phone rings and Omar excuses himself (as well you should!) It's Greta, wanting to tuck him in with a "good night" and imagined kisses all over his body. He complains that he's blushing but doesn't hang up. When Diana comes in to find him, he quickly says, Fine. I'll talk to you at work tomorrow about those orders. His daughter is impressed with his work ethic. (Ah Diana, you're in for a big letdown, I fear.)

Diana, by the way, didn't encourage talk of marrying Vasco immediately, noting that she has wounds to heal and doesn't want to inflict her bitterness on anyone. We have a little PSA with Alonso noting that some women spend their whole lives with these worthless abusers.

Paula comes back into the room at her apartment just as Greta is hanging up from talking with Omar. What's that smile? she asks. Just talking to someone I'm crazy about, answers Greta. They propose a toast to Maruja's happiness and Greta adds that she's going to get a man all for herself as well.

Toasting as well at the lesser house, with Alonso saying Here...in front of your family, I vow to dedicate my life to making you happy ,Lorena.

WHOOPS. This tender moment is broken up by a Mariachi band. Man, how many times have we seen this scene!? Still, I love it. A very sloshed Ernesto is out there wailing a long-lost love song. He sings pretty well but he's 3 to 6 beats ahead of the band. A grim-faced Omar wants to go out and talk to him. A red-faced Alonso wants to go out as well. Lorena pulls rank and goes out herself.

Very painful scene for Team Ernesto. (Is there anybody on Team Alonso?....anybody?) Anyway, he lurches towards Lorena, hugs her and tells her he knows she's not with Alonso so she must still love him, right? We switch back and forth between inside (Alonso keeps wanting to charge out and lock antlers with Ernesto) and outside (where Lorena's trying to avoid being kissed and explaining to Ernesto that she's now engaged) CRASH!!! Lightning? Is this a parallel to the thunder that cracked when Ernesto and Alonso confronted each other outside the hotel in San Martin? The weather symbolism in this one is making me nuts. Are the "heavenlies" involved in Lorena's love life? Do we care? Anyway, Alonso and Ernesto face each other, Ernesto drunk, Alonso all red-faced and swaggering. Ernesto tells him to love Lorena, never hurt her again and pretty much implies he'll tear him to pieces, given the chance. Then he turns sadly to the Mariachi players and says Let's go.

Alonso is still plenty testy. What did you tell him? he asks Lorena. That we're engaged and that I love you. (Ugh. I hate writing those words but what can I do?...it's in the script).

Drunk, sad Ernesto. Now drunk sad Greta. All weepy and self-justifying. I'm not a bad person, not a traitor, not a "robamaridos", I'm in love!! I want a man....a man to love me, to look at me with desire, to look at me like I'm a woman! she laments to Paula. She ends up admitting she's in love with a married man....and that the man is Omar.

Actually, this scene was played well and I thought Greta was rather "simpatica". Well, until she referred to Zully as that fatty. Then I was done. Paula tries to take the bottle away and talk some sense into her but nuthin' doin'. Paula goes to bed and Greta collapses on the couch after finishing off the tequila. Another major hangover in the making. Not to mention the rest of the emotional fallout.

Meanwhile, our little child of light, Jacqui ,is noticing that her guru's ardor has cooled. Seems he's got orders from the Divine Light to stop dedicating himself to carnal pleasures. Higher work awaits. Has Jacqui thought about going back to her ex? Well, no, she hasn't. Our two New Age cons will have to come up with another scenario for our gullible disciple.

Greta and Paula are now having a morning rehash of the night before. Paula is outraged that Greta would sabotage someone else's marriage, knowing herself what it feels like. Greta wants unconditional support from her friend and when she doesn't get it, storms out, saying forget the chilaquiles (what she wanted for her hangover breakfast). Recipe follows at end of recap.

Well, that was ugly, but back at Redeemed Acres it's all peace and love. Hortensia and Augusta are sharing fond memories of the night before. Hortensia is happy she could say good-bye to her house with all her family there. And what's more, actually having a good time rather than faking it.

Another morning rendezvous....not quite so perky, with Sara and Bruno. She's miffed because they're eating in a cheap restaurant. But when she finally tries the food, she has to admit it's pretty tasty. They continue plotting to get back at Zulema and the rest of the family when Bruno is called back to the hospital.

And then who comes in but Lorena and Alonso?! ready to breakfast as well, with simple food and lots of kisses. Sara grinds her teeth and vows revenge.

Next time: Sara tells Alonso and Lorena to enjoy their happiness because it won't last. Lorena assures her that it will and that Sara is going to pay for her evil deeds.
* * * * *

Simple chilaquiles recipe for a hangover:

6 corn tortillas, cut into strips
3 T butter or oil
1/2 cup diced onions
1/4 cup chopped green chiles
1/2 tsp. salt
6 eggs
1 cup shredded Jack cheese
red or green salsa

Cut tortillas in strips and fry in butter or oil until crispy. Pour in onion,chile egg mixture and cook until partially set. Sprinkle with cheese, let it melt and top with salsa. Enjoy with plenty of coffee, hot as the devil and sweet as love (the way Brazilians make it...but that's another story).

Yes, this is super-simple and there are thousands of recipes for chilaquiles using all kinds of ingredients and salsas made from scratch. But if I were treating a hangover, this is how I would do it. 'Nuff said.

Labels: enemiga