Caray, Caray!

But first, a bit of review: Erick gives Rufino the "our lawyers can get you out for the low, low price of narcing on Pedro" infomercial; Bruno explains to Katia that he can't get busted with a minor and makes her cry; Roberto is ready to turn over a new leaf, shave off the soul patch, be a working stiff, and support his as-yet-unborn daughter. Maybe I'm making up the soul patch part.

Ulises gets a call from Mateo, who's back in town. They're going to meet at Ulises' place in 20.

Felipa brings Vicky tea. Vicky is worried about Raquel, wanting to abort and then saying she'll give the baby to Roberto. She thinks Raquel's life is crap and all her decisions are leading her farther down the path to Crappsville. And also, Fernando hasn't called, wah! What are you, twelve? Felipa tries to talk her into being the one to call first, but Fernando calls right then. He wants to get together, but not at her house. He suggests going to the archeological site and having some dinner out there. She hesitates, but gives in to his begging in the end. He tells her some of the construction has already started.

Ulises has a suitcase packed. Mateo comes over. Ulises fires him, and hands over his severance pay. He reminds him not to talk. Mateo tries to weasel his way into staying in Ulises' apartment, since Ulises is going to go fetch Sandra. Not gonna happen. Ulises shows him out, then rolls his suitcase on outta there.

Mateo skulks by the gate and watches Uli get into a taxi.

Vicky explains to Alex that she hadn't told him about Raquel's crazy mood swings and wanting to maybe abort the baby because she figured he had enough problems already. Alex says he always thought that Roberto was the one who didn't want kids, so he's confused because now Roberto is talking about trading the baby for a divorce. Vicky tells him that Raquel isn't sure if the baby is Roberto's or Ulises'. Alex looks disgusted. He asks what they can do, but Vicky doesn't know. She's upset that Raquel has been drinking since she found out she was pregnant. She never imagined so much bad stuff would happen to the family, and worse stuff than seems to happen in other families. "What have I done!" She says children are doomed to repeat their parents' mistakes and this is God's way of punishing her. Alex says that's crap--how would that theory explain all the things that have happened to him? Vicky supposes that Raquel and Bruno are so messed up because she's just a bad person, but Alex turned out ok because his mom was better than her. Alex won't hear that either--she bore him, but Vicky raised him and that makes her his mom. Vicky thinks maybe it was genes. "Yeah, well, look at Cain and Abel." Vicky laughs. Alex says if people blame all their problems on their parents, then we'd just end up having to blame it all on Adam and Eve. Well, some people do.

Felipa has been buying baby things, mostly in blue, but with a little yellow thrown in. MaryJo is pleased and thinks the baby will look cute in the "mamelucos" (rompers, overalls). Alex comes in, smiling, and Felipa leaves to avoid being "mal tercio" (a "bad third", a third wheel). Alex sends her to go comfort Vicky while he gossips with MaryJo about Raquel's pregnancy woes. Here's what I don't get--why does Raquel know the sex of the baby, but she's not hiding a basketball under her clothes, while MaryJo is teetering around like an olive speared on a toothpick but I haven't heard discussion about the sex of their baby? Anyway, Alex has had it with all the liberalism going on between Raquel, Roberto, and Ulises and doesn't think it's appropriate to be procreating willy-nilly. He's going to go have The Talk with Ulises and see if he'll man up and support his offspring or if he's already moved on to his next shag. He kisses MaryJo goodbye and leaves to get it over with right away.

He goes to Raquel to have her call and set up a meeting, but Uli isn't answering his phone. Alex asks for the address. Raquel makes a big deal out of not wanting Ulises to marry her by force, but I think that's her way of saying she wants him any way she can get him. Still not noting a belly under that flowy shirt, but it sure does make her ass look bigger. Maybe she's carrying in the back?

Mateo has broken in to Uli's apartment and refuses to open the door for Alex. Alex keeps banging on the door until Mateo lets him in. Mateo says Uli lent him the apartment, but he doesn't know when Uli will be back and he doesn't have his cell number. Alex snatches Mat's cell phone and gets violent when Mat objects. Alex gets hold of Ulises and tells him to come home so they can talk about Raquel's baby. Ulises refuses, saying he doesn't even know if the kid is his, and besides, he's got a "novia" (no way to tell from this context, probably he means "fiancée" and not "girlfriend" cause fiancée would imply "too bad, so sad, I already have a commitment to someone else") so thanks, but no thanks. Alex threatens to hunt him down and drag him back, but Ulises just hangs up on him. Alex tries to get the fiancée's name out of Mateo, but he doubts his word when he can't find a "Sandra" in Mat's cell phone. He does, however, find a picture of Sandra and asks why Mateo has a picture of his wife. Dude, don't be daft, you know damn well your wife doesn't have a crappy dye job and an assortment of piercings. Mateo tells him that the picture is of Sandra and Alex puts on his "thinking" face as we go to commercials. Come on, Alex, you've been a smart guy so far, don't let us down now!

In the taxi, Ulises makes a call to the number Elena gave him and gets hold of Sandra. Of course she remembers him, but when he asks if he should come get her she just starts laughing and leans over through some thick bamboo stakes in a pot and over the back of a chair, where some other bad-dye-job-having girl laughs with her.

Alex takes the cell phone over to Fernando. Fernando thinks the girl certainly looks like MJ, but has a whole different "look." Alex knows it can't actually be her, what with Mateo telling him the story of tracking her down in Culiacán, but damn if it doesn't look exactly like her. He thinks he may be getting paranoid, but he wonders if this is somehow Bruno's next trick to get to him. Awww, Bruno, you don't even have to do bad stuff anymore and people just assume it was you. Your legend is growing!

Sandra and Ulises are rolling around in bed. She says she has "la hostia" with him (a bloody good time). He calls her "flaquita" (little skinny girl). She complains that he left her, but he says he did it to teach her a lesson--she was so caught up in drugs and alcohol that she didn't notice how aggressive she was being with him. She says she's tried to quit, but the drugs are just stronger than she is. Ulises says he never understood how a girl like her, who had everything, would end up hooked on drugs. Sandra blames it on never having her mother's love. Mommy was always more worried about her husbands, starting with Sandra's "dad" Cristobal Betancourt (ok, so she doesn't remember Papi Pedro). She sent Sandra to Madrid to get her out of the way. Mommy only wants her to keep her grandpa from cutting off her inheritance. Uli needles her about wanting the money too, but Sandra thinks the old guy will leave it to her just because he doesn't have anyone else to leave it to. Ulises reminds Sandra that the old guy's kind of nuts, and she's going to have to put in some work to make sure she ends up with the money. Sandra thinks there's no point, cause if grandpa gets a good look at her, he'll realize she's an addict. And besides she doesn't want to go home because she can't stand her mother and she's scared of the current husband. Ulises says that he'll help her get clean and then they'll go to her house together. Sandra thinks this must prove his lover for her and they get back to nookie.

Fernando is of the opinion that the picture has been photoshopped, like the one of Alex and MaryJo that Bruno left at Pedro's place. Alex scratches that idea, because it wouldn't make sense for Bruno to have (a) sent Mateo to go find that woman or (b) for Mateo to have found her. Fernando suggests that question Mateo further and they two take off.

Mateo appears to have taken off. Alex bangs on the door, but gets no answer. Fernando wants him to chill and not cause a scene, but Alex is furious that this guy had a picture of his wife on his cell phone. Fernando suggests photoshopping again, but Alex reminds him the woman actually exists. Fernando suggests they're two different women, but now Alex says they're too much alike. Fernando suggests that maybe Alex needs to find out more about Pedro's family. Alex puts his "thinking" face on again.

Bruno knocks on the door to MaryJo's room. Just as I'm screaming at her not to be stupid and open the door, she locks it. Good girl! Through the door Bruno threatens her with having Pedro thrown in jail if she doesn't vote for him and she refuses. Ezequiel comes up with a tray and asks Bruno if he needs something. Bruno calls him a "viejo entrometido" (meddling old man) and flips the tray out of his hands (a sign of true evil if there ever was one) before stomping off.

As he's coming down the stairs Alex confronts him about being in the house, but Bruno just returns the question--after all, he and MJ are supposed to be divorced now. Whatever, dude, since when does that matter, especially with a kid in the mix. The sex I'd have a harder time rationalizing away, but hey, being divorced doesn't always mean hating each other. Didn't Liz Taylor get divorced from one of her many husbands and then marry the guy again? If it's good enough for La Liz…. Anyway, Alex asks who Sandra is, but Bruno doesn't know. Alex says that Ulises does. So what, says Bruno, Ulises is Roberto's friend, not his, and what does he care.

Upstairs, Alex sees Ezequiel and the overturned tray. Ezequiel lies to him and says that (a) he just dropped it and (b) Bruno was probably there to see Vicky. Alex helps him pick stuff up, helps Ezequiel get up, and declines an offer of dinner.

Sandra wakes up from her post-coital nap, downs a glass of something that was on the bedside table, and starts getting dressed while Ulises keeps on dreaming of large numbers of pesos.

And now, for your edification, Alex and MaryJo discuss topics of supreme importance:
MaryJo: Do you want dinner?
Alex: No, I'd rather just go to sleep.
MJ: Should I help you get undressed? (Te ayudo a desvestirte?)
A: I'd love for you to (Me encanto que lo hagas)
MJ: I like it even more (A mi me gusta todavía mas)
*smoochies*
A: Hey, don't do that, it's dangerous! (No hagas eso que es peligroso)
MJ: They're just little caresses (Son solamente pequeños cariñitos)
A: Not that little (Ni tan pequeños)

Now go forth and use this new vocab to your heart's content. Or the contentment of any other body part you deem appropriate. Who says TV's not educational?

Sandra, now dressed, is getting desperate. There's not even a freakin' cigarette left unsmoked in the hotel room. And she checks the butts left in the ashtray for viable candidates, so you know she's a pro. She finds Ulises' pants, containing his remaining cash and his wallet. She hesitates, but ends up taking his cash and leaving his wallet (or that's the consensus at Casa 5ft). She gulps down whatever alcohol was in his glass on his bedside table and takes off. Mr. 5ft and I also agree that we can't stand Sandra's techno theme.

Post-something, Alex and MJ sleep. Alex wakes her up to ask her if she ever had a twin sister. MJ doesn't think so. Alex tells her to ignore him and go back to sleep. Mkay. And I wouldn't assume they did anything too aerobic since he's still wearing his pants. Then again, maybe I'm just old fashioned that way.

Felipa insisted on making Fernando and Vicky a basket of food to take with them on their day trip. Felipa and Fernando kind of argue about it, but really there's no point arguing with Felipa. Ezequiel says she's as good a cook as she is stubborn. Ezequiel and Felipa see them off. Ezequiel asks Felipa if maybe Fernando likes Vicky, you know, like, likes her. Felipa tells him that lots of men like Vicky, but Ezequiel needs to butt out. Ezequiel helps Felipa up the stairs while she gripes about it.

Ulises finally wakes up. He keeps calling for Sandra, but doesn't find her. He finds his pants and exclaims "no cambia" (she doesn't change). Sandra is actually in a restaurant eating something, which surprises me, and drinking a beer, which doesn't. She ignores the call from Ulises to her cell phone.

Maura calls Alex to tell him about something she heard from his secretary. They're going to meet at the office, but he declines her offer of dinner. Alex and MaryJo have a fight about Maura being the one who called to tell him the board meeting is the following day. Alex doesn't like MaryJo acting so jealous. She tells him to tell Maura not to call him and that will put an end to her jealousy.

Alex goes downstairs and asks Ezequiel where his mother is. Ezequiel says she's out with Fernando. Alex looks pleased. So does Ezequiel for that matter.

Alex heads outside and sees Roberto, who is talking to some guy named Daniel. Alex greets him and then asks to speak with Roberto. He shows him the picture on the cell phone, but Roberto thinks it's MaryJo. Raquel comes sauntering up and grabs the cell phone and asks "What's your wife doing in this picture dressed up like a prostitute?" Alex tells her that it's not his wife, it's Sandra, Ulises' fiancée. Raquel reacts as if the name "Sandra" never came up and says MaryJo is the one who took Ulises away from her and how can Alex stand his wife going after other men. Roberto gives the phone back to Alex and walks Raquel away. He tells her to be reasonable, MaryJo's on the verge of giving birth, she's not going to dress up like a ho just to snare another man. Raquel insists that it must be her. Roberto walks her off again, but Alex wants to know what Roberto knows. Roberto says they'll talk later, at the office, as Raquel screams to Alex to tell his wife that she's going to rip her eyes out and kill her. Okay, in that outfit, Raquel did look pregnant, but for real pregnant, not abnormally skinny and smuggling a bowling ball.

Vicky and Fernando tour the town on a "truck" (that's what the guy called it--it's a little six person cart on a track pulled by a horse) and look at "cenotes" (underground pools)--not that we get to see them. They look at the shacks where the people will be selling stuff to tourists. The go into what's going to be the museum. They look at the playground for the kids. Apparently this is all new stuff. Fernando shows off his arm muscles on a piece of playground equipment (and Vicky shows off her lack of muscles on same).

At the shop, the gang have drinks and Alex comes to visit. "Licuado" (a shake or a fruit drink) is what Gabriel says they're drinking. Since Alex wants to talk to Pedro, Pedro says they'll go get some "horchata" nearby (a rice milk with cinnamon and vanilla--you can find powdered mix in the grocery store sometimes, but it probably tastes like powdered mix from the grocery store). Alex gives in. They make small talk about the girls. Alex starts the interrogation: "Does MaryJo have a twin sister." Pedro denies it. Alex says that recently someone has seen a girl who looks just like her, named Sandra. Oh, yeah, Pedro heard that from Roberto. They get to the horchata place, but Pedro orders them both "agua de jamaica" (a hibiscus infusion or tea). Alex shows Pedro the picture, but Pedro keeps denying. I can't believe he looked at a picture of his daughter who he hasn't seen in almost 30 years and his sense of self-preservation won out. Alex gives him the "you can trust me" speech, but Pedro keeps saying it's just one of those weird things that happens sometimes.

Alex walks Pedro back to the shop and leaves. Pedro tells Chucho that he lied to Alex because he doesn't want to have to tell the girls that he lied to them all this time. Chucho tells him it's all going to end up coming back on him when Alex figures it out himself.

Ulises is still trying to get hold of Sandra. Some drugged out guy at a party answers the phone. Sandra's asleep on the floor, so she doesn't respond when druggie guy asks for Sandra. Ulises asks him why he has the phone, but the guy just laughs and says it was "tirado" (thrown away, thrown on the floor) and he picked it up.

So now we get some cenote action. Vicky and Fernando walk down some stairs to look. Vicky says that if the Trevi Fountain can grant wishes, then this cenote must grant them too. She throws in a rock. The guy in charge of the excavation comes down to meet with Vicky, Fernando and Puch (the community leader). The excavation guy, Lazcano, found a new basement that looks like a ritual site. It looks like a Puuc site, which is one of the five architectural styles of the Maya. He offers to show them. I looked for a good explanation, but it's kind of scattered across pages. Go forth and Google "Maya architectural styles".

Roberto fills Alex in on the backstory, as told to him by Ulises. MJ's mom ran off with a rich guy and took Sandra with her. Now Sandra stands to inherit from her supposed grandfather, which has Ulises salivating. Meanwhile, MJ's mom got remarried to a new guy. Roberto doesn't see a problem with Pedro lying to Alex, since he lied to his girls for so long. He's not likely to spill his guts to Alex instead of them. Alex asks for the mom's name. Roberto has pieced together that it's Elena Kruger and she lives somewhere around Toluca. He asks why Alex is even getting into this. Alex thinks it's a new trick of Bruno's, but Roberto assures him that Bruno has nothing to do with this.

Fernando and Vicky enjoy their picnic. Fernando thinks it was foolish of him to have told Felipa that the restaurants in the area have good food, now that he's tasted her food. Fernando says he's wanted to be her "novio" (boyfriend, as he hasn't proposed marriage) for so long. Vicky spits out her wine and laughs, saying it's been so long that she never thought she'd have another boyfriend. She's so comfortable she's got her skirt hiked up and is showing some knee. Careful, there, Vicky, people might think you're enjoying yourself! Vicky says, speaking of boyfriends, she heard that Bruno is Katia's. Fernando says he's just using her to get information. Vicky's not worried--she thinks Katia's a smart girl. Obviously she means a different Katia from the one Fernando's talking about. Fernando doesn't want to talk about it and ruin their day. He'd rather talk about "them". Vicky thinks they've said it all, but Fernando doesn't think they've come to a conclusion. They smooch. Fernando says they shouldn't deny themselves the opportunity to be happy. He invites her to a really nice hotel. She laughs it off. He says he loves her and they kiss again.

They go to the "hotel" which looks more like a lodge or a cabin. The have champagne. Vicky laughs that he's not going change his mind or get scared and says he'd better turn the lights out. Come on, she's not that old. And insecurity is unattractive at any age. But I appreciate her sense of humor about the whole thing. I mean, she hasn't had sex since her husband died, so I guess it's better she be nervous and joking than nervous and avoiding doing it altogether. Fernando leads her upstairs and she keeps giggling and drinking her champagne. Fernando says he's been waiting for this for a long time. Words, words, words. I don't think the actor is really pulling this off. Nor is whatsherface. Come on, he's a young stud, get into it! There's awkward looking kissing and undressing, hands, a clavicle, clothes all over the floor, really bad fake kissing, hands that could use a polish refresher. And then we're postcoital. They grin at each other and then duck under the covers and come out at the foot of the bed. While they're laughing and rolling around their smiles look authentic, even if the loveplay didn't. And that was one tacky comforter--pleather, fuzzy animal print, and fringe? No thank you.

Tomorrow: Raquel drinks some more, gets into a fistfight with MaryJo, and stabs somebody. Damn! How do you say "bitch crazy" in Spanish?

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