Caray, Caray!

Tonight, we step back in time to 1966, where a tragic murder has occurred. The Count of Beltran Peña, Don Alfonso de Jesus Ruiz Machado y Ortigoza…known as Fonsi (and I was totally going to make that joke, but they did it for me) is dead. He is played by the one, the only, His Royal Hotness William Levy, The Count of Come-Hither, the Baron of Biceps, the Sultan of Sultry Smiles, the Duke of Debonair himself. His death has shocked high society around the world. We get some black and white footage including a stained sheet over a body. We get pictures of his poor widow, Anette (played by Belinda) daughter of Mexican designer Ana Van Diryk (who attacks the camera). The reporters don't believe it was an accident, as Mrs. Van Diryk claims.

Credits.

Belinda and Issabela Camil are Anette y Ana, nobles (nobles).

Det. Capellan says to someone over the phone that for her, it's an unsolved case. She goes out into the new computer area and meets up with Aranda and Gerardo. She tells Gerardo the "procurador" (lawyer…in the US, the Attorney General) wants to close the case, but she hasn't changed her mind. Gerardo says in the case of "Yvonne" that's how things went. "But why close the case?" Gerardo says the girl fell in the "pozo" (well) and the body was down there with no evidence of violence or evidence she had been pushed. Capellan says it's an unsolved case just as much as many other unsolved cases in the archives. She reminds him about the Van Diryk case. She puts up a photo of Ana Gallardo de Van Diryk in all her sixties glory. "She paid the price for a crime we all know she didn't commit. It all happened in a mansion on Pedregal in DF on the last night of '65 and the morning of the first day of '66."

And we're kickin' it '60's style! Ana works with a model and a tailor to put the finishing touches on one of her designs. Anette calls down, asking what time "they" are getting here. At 5, says Ana. Anette comes down a spiral staircase and smiles at her mom. Ana turns around and gasps at Anette's dress in appreciation.

In the present, Aranda comments that Anette didn't smile much and her husband looks older than her. "15 years" says Gerardo. "They called them 'Salt and Sugar.'" He left Spain early for Cuba to run the family business. "They say he left to avoid his father's mistreatment."

Back in '65, "Fonsi" is asked by a kid on a pool raft if that's all they're going to hunt, "patos" (ducks)? Fonsi says you've gotta start somewhere. A butler appears to refill his glass with more champagne and switch out the champagne bottle in his ice bucket. Fonsi tells the kid that if his mom agrees, he'll take him to hunt (something something) in May.

More mumbling from Ana and Anette. This shindig is a charity party to raise money for poor kids for gifts on Dia de los Reyes (3 kings day, when kids in Latin America get gifts instead of Christmas). Ana has trotted Anette out so that her guests can say they were in the room with a real live Countess.

Two rich bitches on the couch say that Ana's taste is becoming more refined, but what they've been really excited to see is that hottie the Count. Anette must be in heaven to be married to that hunka hunka burning love! Rich bitch #1 says "it's La Señora Condessa to you..and you need to take lots of pictures with her. Don't think I came here just to buy these ugly dresses!" Another rich bitch, this one named Janine, who is Anette's aunt, comes over to sit by them. Bitch #1 (who is Bitch #2's mother) asks Janine if the Count doesn't happen to have a friend with a title for her daughter. Anette buzzes by and clasps her aunt's arm briefly before moving on. Bitch #2 says again that it must be heaven being married to THAT!

Fonsi is still by the pool, drinking champagne and reading. Anette goes over to join him and hassle him about how much he's drinking. She smiles as she tells him everyone's watching him booze it up. Fonsi says he's hanging out with her brother, but he doesn't know exactly where the kid is. He's kind of a lonely kid, doesn't she think? Anette agrees that he needs his dad. He asks if Ana's thinking of getting married again. Anette gets upset and Fonsi says being in mourning doesn't exactly suit her mother and there's a lot of interested men. The little brother, Aldito, finally comes back from wherever and Anette takes him into the room where the party's going on. Fonsi laughs.

A woman in a mint green dress comes over to the mother-daughter duo and asks if mom's going to hand a check over now or if she's going to send it tomorrow. "Sorry to be so much trouble, but Ana's having me act as secretary tonight!" Mom says hold on, the daughter's going to buy more dresses. Poor girl. Alma starts to leave, but the Mom wants her to stay and gossip about how long the Count and Countess are going to be in town. She wants to invite them to dinner. Alma whispers that she can't promise anything because the Count is a little…strange.

Ana, Anette, and Janine notice the Count making eyes at the daughter (what the hell are these people's names and why can't I ever find out up front?). Ana gets the tailor to signal to the models to quit walking around.

As the models are getting undressed, the Count surprises them with his Levyness. He toasts the half-naked girls and sits down. "Girls. I came to congratulate you for all your hard work. The poor kids will be very grateful. My wife and my mother in law will be even more grateful. And I, well, I'm very pleased. But go on." He leaves the room and the girls all gather and giggle.

Mom and daughter are leaving and they question Alma again about saying the Count is "strange." They think it's just jealous gossip and Anette is living a dream. Alma says from what she understands, Anette is living a nightmare. Wow. That was pretty direct.

Capellan continues her narration. "It was THE New Year's Eve party at Ana Van Diryk's. She spread her wings like a peacock to receive the crème de la crème, proudly showing off her daughter and son-in-law the Count and Countess Beltran Peña." (pavo real = peacock, literally "royal turkey")

Ana goes over to Fonsi and asks him to help her make it a memorable party. She begs him to behave himself and tells him he's a star. He notices his hot young wife, in a gorgeous silver and seafoam gown that leaves a good part of her torso and one leg bare, coming down the stairs. He appreciatively says she's the star. The guests gawk as he takes Anette's arm and leads her to the middle of the floor so they can dance. "You never stop surprising me, my love. Did you know you take my breath away?" She thanks him for his pretty words that sound so false. "It's the truth. Every day you're more beautiful. You're a wonderful countess." She says she was trained to be. He asks why he says such nice things to her while she makes him feel like she's just meeting an obligation. The young girl from earlier goes over to Alma and says "Hey, I thought you said earlier that Anette is living a nightmare?" Alma tells her to shut up. Now it starts to get ugly. Anette asks if she's failed him in any way, which he admits she hasn't. She wants to stop dancing before she leaves him on the floor alone, but he tightens his grip and tells her not to dare. "Alfonso, please, people are watching." Alma tells the girl that if Anette is living a nightmare, it's worth the trouble. The dance ends and Fonsi applauds his wife. Ana walks off with her and other couples start dancing to the next tune. Fonsi flirts with some other girls at the party. He gathers a little crowd of them around him.

Ana asks Anette what that was about. "The guests may not have noticed, but I did." Anette says if the guests didn't notice then it's fine. "Isn't that the important thing? To stay away from talk and scandal?" Ana says Alfonso was upset and it showed. Anette asks what more she's supposed to do besides what she's doing. "We'll have to talk sometime." Ana says they are talking. "No, you're giving me instructions. I need my mom. I need to tell her how I feel." Janine comes over and congratulates them on the party then quietly says that people are looking at them and they can tell things are not ok. Ana gives Anette a kiss on the cheek, presumably to keep up appearances, then walks away.

Fonsi is watching two girls from the party make out. He smokes a cigar and they strip for him (blurred, of course).

Anette is looking at pictures of him in his hunting gear, of the two of them on their wedding day… Janine comes into whatever room she's in and asks if she's ok. "No. I'm not. It's been a long time since I've been well and the truth is that I don't know if I ever have been. But it's nothing." Janine says she'll always be there for her. "I love you. I really do." Anette tells her not to cry. Janine says she's got to get back out there because her mom's getting upset that the Count and Countess aren't at the party. Anette asks if Alfonso's not out there. Janine thought he was upstairs or off smoking a cigar.

Capellan tells the crew that the Count was partying like it was 1999…or rather, like he knew they were the last few hours of his life. She says they were the last few hours of Anette's life as an exquisite flower.

Anette walks in on the party and looks upset and disgusted, but not surprised. The girls gather their clothes, but walk out of the room mostly undressed. "In my house, Fonsi? In my bedroom?" "Let's see, Countess…who am I?" "You're an animal." "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." She screams at him that he's an animal. "Did you hear me that time?" "Tomorrow you're going to the estate." "Why there? Why don't you send me somewhere farther away?" He says he doesn't feel like it. Maybe on the estate she'll run into the ghost of his father who will fuck up her life (there was muting, so I assume the f-bomb was dropped in some capacity). "The same way I fuck up yours?" (again, guessing). He snaps his fingers and tells her to go away. When she doesn't listen he snarls at her to get out, then grabs her face and asks who she is. He mumbles a bunch of other stuff in a threatening tone that I can't quite make out, grabs her either around the waist or by the ass as hard as he can, then backs away. She tells him to enjoy his cigar. "Janine sure knows you well," Anette says, before leaving the room. "She's the one who told me." He tells her what she saw was just a diversion. "What happened with your aunt, that parasite, was craziness. Didn't she explain how things were? Let me explain it to you. Your aunt begged me. She seduced me. She practically took me to bed. Seducing me, because let me tell you something, your aunt is a wild animal. But, of course, she didn't tell you that." Anette says "No. She didn't tell me that. She just said she was sure you'd gone off to smoke a cigar. That was all." She leaves. He kicks a pillow off the ottoman.

Anette goes back to the party, trying to keep her tears from falling. Janine comes over and excitedly says "Guess who came?!" Anette tells her she knows about the affair. "I adore you. And I wish I didn't, because I'd like to kill you. I'd like to kill you both."

Capellan: "They were waiting for the clock to strike twelve. A year full of good things for all of them"

Everyone toasts the new year and balloons drop from the ceiling. Ana tells Anette she's proud of her and the year will be full of nothing but good things for her. Fonsi hugs Ana and wishes her a new year. "Don't let your daughter throw away such good fortune." He goes over to Anette and says she should at least try to look happy. When she tries to walk away, he grabs her back and takes the mic. He wishes everyone a happy new year. "My wife, the Countess, and I would like to give you a really big present. My love, why don't you sing our song?" The crowd starts to ask for the Countess to sing. She takes the mic and starts singing. "There's not a moment of the day that I can get you away from me. The world looks different when you're not with me. There's no beautiful melody that you're not part of. And I don't want to hear it, if you don't hear it. It's that you've become a part of my soul. Nothing consoles me anymore if you're not there too. Beyond your lips, the sun, and the stars, I'm with you in the distance, my love. I'm…" she breaks off, tearfully, but the audience applauds. As she's been singing, Fonsi has snuck out of the room, gone upstairs and forcefully shagged her aunt in the office. Janine is left huddled on the desk, crying.

"I know, mom. I know I haven't greeted a lot of people and now I'm going to go do my duty." Ana pulls her back. "I wanted to tell you you sang very well. Talk to me. What's happening." Anette says just two hours ago she said she wanted to talk to her mom and it was made pretty clear that she was to repress her feelings and not cry. "I'm just trying to help you, protect you, keep you from making mistakes, keep you from risking your position." Anette says she knows her mom has done it all for her own good, that she owes her everything, that her mom has given up her life for her. "I know I owe you more than I can ever repay. So that asshole Alfonso can pay you." Ana tells her to behave. "You're not thinking of separating?" Anette says she has thought about leaving him. Ana starts to give her the party line about not risking her position, etc, but it's clear Anette, as upset as she is, knows her mom will give her hell if she actually does try to leave him. The asshole in question comes dancing up spastically (have we ever seen William Levy do anything but a slow shuffle? Is he faking us out with the bad dancing?). Anette asks him if he realizes how he looks. He smacks the side of his head and says he looks like a Count, hello! "You know what? Little Miss Bitter Countess? I don't have to share your bitterness. You can leave if you want to." Anette says she's only bitter about one thing, Mr. Count. She avoids a kiss from him. He keeps bopping around as her mother looks like she's having a headache.

Anette runs into Janine, who asks if they can talk. "Of course. We've always been able to talk. I don't see why today should be any different." Janine says "Don't be cruel. I know you." "Well, apparently I don't know you." Janine keeps calling her "nena" (baby girl) and Anette asks her to stop. "I'm the Countess Beltran Peña, got it?" She walks away as Janine asks "Then what should I call you?" "Your highness, Countess, or worst case, Ma'am." Janine thinks she's playing around. "I'm not. I know about Alfonso's affairs with all kinds of women. From the beginning, I've had to shut my eyes, my ears, and my soul. But you, Janine? You?" Janine doesn't know what to say. She asks for forgiveness. Alfonso dances by with two girls propping him up and calls over "Hi, Tía!" Anette grins falsely at her aunt and says "My husband. See why I'm a Countess? And you're just a fruit." I don't entirely know what she meant by that, but she acts like she's handing her aunt a glass of grapes and then drops it at her feet and walks off.

Anette goes upstairs and seethes. She grabs a bottle of pills and pours out at least a handful.

Young Bitch from earlier finally introduces herself to Fonsi as Inna (took her long enough). She flirts with him, saying he's got something right there, touching his lips. He licks the side of her face. Ha! She's grossed out.

Gerardo says the autopsy was never made public, but it showed high blood alcohol levels. Also an excess of cocaine. And he'd probably smoked some pot that morning. And some type of opiate, possibly morphine. In those conditions, he'd be capable of anything. Well, doc, possibly not walking upright, I'd say.

Alfonso grabs some woman at the party and kisses her, then goes over to join the band. Hoo boy. He offers to show the pianist how it's done. He sits down and has himself a snort of coke while the guests look uncomfortable. Predictable, he bangs randomly on the piano. Ana drags Alma off while he keeps being an ass and demanding that the guests enjoy themselves.

There are a lot of pills on the carpet by the bed, but I'm guessing Anette took the rest.

Fonsi wakes up at the piano bench. He calls the guests empty headed and tells them to get out. Janine asks him to calm down. He grabs her like he's going to kiss her with the cigar in his mouth.

Anette is in bed when he stumbles in, telling her to get up because the party's still on and she's the entertainment. She tells him to go to shit. "Sure, I'll go wherever, after I've used you." She tells him to go party somewhere else. He backhands her, calling her stupid, and says some more nasty shit. She shoves him off her and off the bed, but then realizes she's made him too angry. He shoves her off the other side of the bed and leaves it at that for now.

Ana bids her guests goodbye. Fonsi says she and her filthy family belong to him and this is all her fault. She's standing on the far side of the bed with a lamp, minus lampshade, as a weapon. He says her mother offered her up as a prize jewel, so she'd better just learn to live with it. She cowers in the corner, still holding her lampshade.

Fonsi wakes up in a chair by the pool. The butler brings him a drink, but he pushes it away and breaks the glass. The butler runs off. Fonsi struggles to get out of the chair. He finds the coke in his pocket and has a little taste. Aldito comes in asking if they can see which one of them can stay underwater longer, but Fonsi's not in the mood. Aldito tries to get the coke container away from him and it spills. Fonsi freaks and smacks him, sending him into the glass on the floor. His face is bleeding and he starts screaming for his mom. The butler carries him over to Ana and Anette. Ana takes him to care for him and Anette goes running down the stairs.

Capellan, bizarrely in the midst of this bizarre episode, has the crew assembled in the observation room to the interrogation room. "Let's imagine we had the two of them in here."

Capellan interrogates Ana. Yeah, seriously. "What happened?" "It was an accident. The party was over. I like to swim in the mornings, especially on the first day of the year. Fonsi and I were talking about the party."

Flashback: Ana gives Fonsi a hard time and says he may have had fun, but the rest of them didn't. He smarmily asks what he can do to make up for it. Ana says she's sending some little gifts to some of the guests, with his card. He laughs and reminds her that he invited her to go shooting with him. Ana says she doesn't like guns. "Do you know why? Because you won't let me show you how to shoot. We'll do it today." Ana says it's a deal. She'll let him teach her how to shoot and he'll write something pretty on the cards that are going with the gifts. He scoffs. She says if he tells her where the gun is she'll go get it right now. He grins and says it's in "the wood box."

Fantasy interrogation: "Why do I think you acted to protect your daughter?" "Bella is innocent."

Ana goes into the office, gets the gun out of the box on the desk and holds it by two fingers. She goes back to the pool, where Fonsi is sipping flat champagne, I presume. He tells her that's not how you hold a gun. "Give it to me."

Fantasy interrogation: "It was all an unfortunate accident?" Ana agrees. "When I handed him the gun, it went off accidentally. I killed Fonsi."

Ana clumsily shoots Fonsi three times, the bloody butterfly flies away, and his corpse falls into the pool.

Fantasy interrogation: Capellan now has Anette on the other side of the table and asks her what happened. "My husband just died and I honestly don't have the head for this right now." Capellan says she was harboring a lot of resentment toward her husband.

Flashback to the four nastiest incidents: Fonsi screwing two chicks from the party; Fonsi screwing her aunt; Fonsi smacking her around; the butler carrying her brother with his bloody face.

Fantasy interrogation: Anette says no, it was just an accident. "Your mother put an end to that suffering." "My mother is incapable of hurting anyone, much less Fonsi. She's not a murderer. We just had a bad moment."

Flashback: Anette takes the gun out of the box and heads for the pool room. She marches right in, hesitates as he asks what she's doing with the gun and if she's going to kill him.

F.I.: "If I don't have Alfonso around to humiliate me anymore, then why do I feel like this? When am I going to forget, ma'am? When?"

Flashback: Anette shoots Fonsi, the bloody butterfly flies away, and he drops into the pool. Ana takes the gun out of her hand and they stare at each other. Ana says "It was an accident."

"Ana Gallardo viuda de Van Diryk fue sentenciada a 8 años de prisión por homicidio culposo agravado. Murió tan solo un año después de haber abandonado la prisión victima de un cáncer que se le diagnosticó durante su reclusión y del cual rehusó atenderse. Annete Van Diryk viuda de Ruiz Machado y Ortigoza, Condesa de Beltrán Peña, se retiró a la finca de Montecorto en Andalucía España, de donde jamás volvió a salir y en la que murió la noche de Navidad de 1995 a la edad de 50 años. Se dice que vivió y murió presa de sus muchos fantasmas."

Ana Gallardo, widow of Van Diryk, was sentenced to 8 years in prison for aggravated manslaughter (which we have decided means "you were pissed at him and you didn't mean to kill him, but you did"). She died only a year after leaving the prison, the victim of a cancer that was diagnosed during her incarceration and which she refused to treat. Anette Van Diryk, widow of Ruiz Machado y Ortigoza, Countess Beltran Peña, retired to the estate of Montecorto in Andalusia, Spain, from where she never left and in which she died Christmas night 1995 at the age of 50. They say she lived and died a prisoner of her many ghosts.

Next week: who knows. My DVR crapped out halfway and we had to watch it online.

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