Caray, Caray!

Tonight's steaming pile:

Her Majesty is confronted

Burnie sits upon her throne drinking sherry and reminds her visitor (who turns out to be Chente) that she knows nothing about what happened to Tomasa.  How long is she going to be bothered with it? Chente says until his godmother shows up. Burnie suggests that Tomasa is probably out enjoying all that cash that Vic gave her. Heck! She's probably in the US. Cousin says his godmother was incapable of such a thing and until she reappears he's gonna keep looking. Burnie says people change and she wouldn't put her had to the fire for anybody. Cousin says he's going to keep coming back and asking about her. Burnie huffs and sips her sherry.

Alonso lies (like a rug!)

Alonso is looking for the (purloined) test results. His phone rings. It's PJP with ESP because he's calling to see if Alonso has found the results yet. (If you pause it just right, you get to enjoy the "Aw sh*t!" face Alonso makes. Drink it in. Hilarious.) So if he hasn't found it, PJP is more than happy to accompany him to the lab again. Aaaand Alonso lies about finding the results. Dayum. These people lie about everything. So when PJP asks what's wrong Alonso tells him nothing grave. Just a little salmonella. (Hang on, I'm laughing my a$$ off....fainting and nosebleeds are a sure sign of Salmonella. Diarrhea and vomiting aren't glamorous enough for a TN.) PJP asks if he's telling the truth. Alonso is all "of course."  Better not let Burnie find out you lied to her son the priest. PJP is glad it's nothing serious. He tells Alonso it's important that he rest and take his antibiotics. PJP says he'll come to call. Alonso says no, he'll go to him.

Max and Maria...well...same ol' same ol'

Maria is reading the results and "no puede ser"-ing. Max tells her that he pilfered the results and  Alonso doesn't know. Only he, Maria and Dr. Voice know. 'Cause, you know...we don't have enough secrets in this show and we do have to drag this out a bit more. (I added that last bit. William "Mushmouth"  Levy didn't actually say that.) Max explains there is nothing that can be done for Alonso but to make his last days comfortable. Maria tilts squints and cries. Max squints and looks heavenward. Since this situation could be considered a crisis, they do what they always do... they hug (the TN equivalent of burying your head in the sand.)

Vic and Voice at dinner...romance ahead?

Dr. Voice and Vic are enjoying a meal at a fancy schmancy restaurant. Dr. Voice is glad to see her happy. Vic is glad he saved her life. Dr Voice thanks her for dining with him. She asks how could she not? He saved her life. He says she's exaggerating. She touches his hand meaningfully. Thanks to him and his insistence, they are here celebrating. She says it's true. She toasts him for selflessly taking such an interest in families. She toasts him for giving her a second chance to live. She toasts themselves 'cause even though they are no longer doctor and patient, she is sure they will be great friends. Dr. Voice toasts to their friendship.

Meanwhile, back at the Scandoval residence, Os is calling for Victoria and thought bubbling. He finds it odd that she is not there. She never wants to go out anymore...only when absolutely necessary. Where could she have gone?

Irony...Vic is at that precise moment telling Dr. Voice that it's been a while since she enjoyed herself. She hasn't really wanted to even leave her room lately. Dr. Voice is glad to see her so full of optimism. It's natural that she want to live fully. They continue to hold hands. He reminds her again in true PSA fashion to get checked again in 6 months. She says she will ...and he can remind her. What a flirt. Doc asks Victoria about re constructive surgery. Vic says she and Os have talked about that. She has to think about it. Right now it isn't her priority. Doc asks what *is* her priority and she says "to live; to seek happiness."    

Her Majesty is miffed

That damn country hick is going to make her life impossible looking for Tomasa. She will have to bring it to a stops or she won't be able to live her life in peace. She turns to a picture of PJP. He is her best ally and says no matter what, he will forgive her. This time he will have to help her. She slugs back her sherry and leaves. Eva comes in and wonders what Burnie is up to. Surely nothing good. She makes a phone call Fausto who is praying at the parroquia. She lets him know that Burnie has gone out and that when she goes out at this time she's doing something bad....or visiting PJP at the sacristy. She's calling to warn Fausto. Take care with her and don't let her see you. PJP enters and wants to know why he isn't with the other muchachos. Fausto likes to be with God, praying, chatting, hoping God hears him. PJP says of course he hears. He is our father. We are his children. And like a good father he forgives when we repent. Fausto asks for PJP's blessing and PJP obliges. Fausto gets up to leave and opens the door. And there stands Burnie!!!! (*Gregorian chant and eyebrow*)

And you thought your mom was bad!!
PJP asks if Burnie realizes what she's asking: that he be an accomplice to her crimes. Even though she's his mom and he cares for her and respects her...this can't happen. Burnie says no one has any proof to accuse her of anything. She's coming asking for his help. Everything he knows about her actions he found out during confession. She's protected him. Ha! She's protecting herself! She says he can see it the way he wants, just remember he himself asked that she not say anything to anyone and she's done that (huh? I don't remember this.) He has nothing to reproach her for. PJP says he has plenty to reproach her for. mumbeldy mumbledy. Chente is going to keep looking for Tomasa. He's not going stop. He's eventually going to talk to Vic...who insists you killed Tomasa. Burnie rants. She wants to stop talking about what happened to that estúpida. PJP tells mommy dearest that she should have a more humble soul and not express herself that way. If Chente talks to Vic about his doubts, he's gonna send justice after her. Daniela Roma, consummate actress, makes this great face between minor fear and defiance. She is amazing.

Vecindad break
Mushmouth Max is on the phone with the maid. He will be late and needs her to watch Osguito. BTW, how is the little tyke? The maid assures him the bebé is fine. Max asks about his mother. He is informed she went out and hasn't returned. He wants to know as soon as she returns.

Back to Burnie...Her lips are moving, so she must be lying.
She asks if PJP is really worried about her. PJP asks how she can doubt it. She's his mother. Burnie says what more can a mother ask but a son like him. She was blind but know she understands so much. She asks PJP to forgive her for all the harm she's done; for not paying attention to his wise counsel. PJP gives her a priestly lesson on repentance and good actions. Burnie says she will repent. She will be good. Chants begin as she turns to the picture of Jesus on the cross. She begs forgiveness she didn't know what she was doing. Puke.

Leo and Os and Bebé make three
Os gushes over bebé. Leo reminds Os that bebé is their grandchild. Os looks a little nauseous.

Vic and Voice continue to dine
Doc Voice loves Vic's perfume. He smells it on his hand. There is some hand sniffing on Vic and Voice's part. Vic apparently didn't realize she was holding Dr Voice's hand. She asks Dr. Voice if he thinks Fer will be able to be a mother. It's her greatest wish. He looks very serious...

...and we cut to Cruz and Napo. I tend not to catch much of what they say... :-( I think is was about makin' bebés 'cause Fer overheard and prayed to the Virgencita that she permit her to one day have a bebé. For her happiness and for the happiness of Cruz.

Leo and Os and Té make three
PSA about alcohol. (Why does Leo hold every glass with both hands? It's not a sippy cup for pete's sake.) She didn't drink for the flavor of alcohol, but for the feeling it gave her. Os wants to help. They talk AA blah blah. (I think Leo is sincere, though.)

Always get a second opinion
Nati has consulted her medical texts. Sadly, Alonso is still doomed. There is no hope or cure.

XXX-factor is back with a vengance
Xi is dining with a mystery date and is making a call to the maid taking care of Osguito. It's obvious they are in cahoots and the maid will keep Xi posted on everything that's going down as Casa Vieja (the hotel where Leo is holed up.) Os had come to call and he and Leo were quite cozy. Xi wants to know if they drank. Only iced tea says the maid. Xi complains that doesn't help her. She needs Leo to drink alcohol. Other than that, no big events. Xi wonders what Vic would think of Os and Leo together. She gets off the phone and orders champagne. She notices Vic and Doc Voice together.

God's law vs. Man's law
The Holy Duo (Jer and PJP) discuss repentance and the law. God's law is very different from Man's law. When some once sincerely repents and asks for forgiveness. God grants it. Man's law...well, that's different. They lock you up in the clink and throw away the key.

Max and Maria still struggle with problem solving
Max has come to visit Maria. He is still thinking over the Alonso situation. Max has been searching the 'net and researching. There's no hope. Dude is dying and has a month or less. Speaking of dude, there is a knock at the door. It's the doomed Alonso with a bouquet. He apologizes for coming. He didn't realize Max was there. He came to beg Maria to reconsider the commercial. Maria says she won't do it and Alonso asks Max to help him convince Maria. It's such a great opportunity. blah blah. She could be the greatest model in South America! Max says why not? Maria is impactada. Obviously, this is part of the "keep him comfy and happy" plan.

Alonso is surprised, but happy Max has taken his side. He promises not to take advantage of the situation and try to win Maria's affections. Max-the-mushmouth drops a bomb (loosely translated with lots of liberties due to said mushmouthyness): Hey, you never know what's gonna happen. Life throws us curve balls. Maybe we aren't as in lerve as we think. Maybe our time is done. Alonso is surprised as all get out.

Os gets the good news
Os is a little upset that Vic didn't tell him about the doctor's appointment. But Vic didn't know what the results would be, so she went alone. Vic tells Os she is cancer free. Happiness and hugs. Os is so happy. I like these two together. They thank God for listening to their prayers.

Alonso and Maria and Max make...two? ('cause one of 'em isn't making it out of her alive.)
Alonso is all Dude! QTH? Are you saying you don't love Maria or that Maria doesn't love you? We don't get to hear the answer cause Alonso is overcome with pain. He takes an OTC medication from his pocket. He explains about his bad headache and other symptoms. He mentions the analisís? He says it doesn't matter and goes on to talk about plans for tomorrow and the commercial. He leaves and Maria wants to know what the heck Max meant by his little speech?

Os is jealous
Os wants to celebrate, but Vic explains she's already gone out with Dr. Voz. Os is a little jealous. But Vic smooths things over. Os wants to know where Vic is going all good looking and perfumed. Vic wants to go to the fashion house, spread the good news and get back to work.

Eva's pleas fall on deaf (and kinda crazy) ears
Eva says if PJP is willing to risk everything to protect her, then she needs to repent and not do harm to anyone. Burnie tells her to shut up; she didn't ask for her opinion. She grabs an apple and tells her nada bueno sale de fruta podrida (nothing good comes from rotten fruit.) La fruta podrida solo pudre a los demás (one rotten apple spoils the whole barrel.) As always, Eva says, you are all ready to judge others. But not yourself. She's got chutzpah.

Randomness

• Padilla curses Burnie and I think wonders where the rest of the cash is.
• The Vecindad is in a snit, but I can't figure out what about. They've got to organize themselves. Burnie, I think. Some plan is being hatched. Hmmm, maybe it's more like a neighborhood watch. If that's the case, it would have made more sense to have this scene after Nati's attack.
• Millie announces the JuanJo/Nati nuptials and invites everyone.
• Os wants to go back to his acting career. 

Back at the sacristy
The Holy Duo discuss the new opportunity to bring Vic back to God (whose ways are mysterious indeed.) PJP says he can't break the seal of confession. Padre Jer says he's not asking him to do that, but to appeal to Burnie again. Some Spanish I'm a little to lazy to figure out, but I think PJP is saying he's tried to get mom to spill the beans, but she won't and he's sworn to secrecy. Vic has to continue to wait. Padre Jer says Vic has waited 20 years to find out where her hija is...how much longer does she have to wait? (We are asking the same.) PJP says only heaven (and Mejía) knows.

Max and Maria have terrible problem solving skills
Well. They aren't cowering in a corner or hugging. Max tells Maria not to marry him, but to marry Alonso. We are treated to the Alonso montage of doom. Maria tilts her head and cries.

Kayak!