Caray, Caray!

Vivian, the most bumptious divorce lawyer in Mexico, visits Vero at home. After Viv nearly chokes to death on some kind of canary grass juice, semi-enlightened Vero sends Minerva to make real coffee and they get down to business. Vero says she wants a divorce, she wants Eli out of the house, and she wants to legally establish Jesus as Valentina's biological father. Viv tells her that these are three different things, and they need to take them in order: PRIMERO, EL DIVORCIO! I swear if she had castanets she'd be snapping them. That girl really, really enjoys her work.

Back at Avon, Alma needs to ask Jesus a very important question, you know, just as friends: why did he kiss Vero? Oh never mind, it's none of my business. Forget it. You're asking me to forget an awful lot of things these days, Jesus replies, giving her Facial Expression #5: Stern and Significant. Where is that look when random chicks are kissing on him? He has all the software, but there seems to be an upload problem.

The next day, Jesus continues to unpack his household cosas in a very fussy feminine way, but he reestablishes his duditude by fondling his microwave and calling it "Almita." Then there's some serious food porn over at Chatita's. Many lingering camera shots of the steaming plates and the old dear doing something disturbingly vulgar to a conchita -- GAAAH, what ever happened to knitting? BTW, she's broke and wants to work at Avon. Jesus thinks this is a Great Idea! Guau! Maybe they can tie the samples to her sleeves! 

Paty crashes breakfast at Rogue's again. With many tongue acrobatics, trilled R's, and judicious use of the phrase "box-springs," she proposes a private, 48-hour bachelor party in Acapulco, just the two of them. Guau! Another Great Idea! What could possibly go wrong?

Marta shows up to work in business-casual-cocktail-dress-with-cutouts #2 and says she's ready to start the employee interviews right away. Lest we take her seriously for even a moment, she then tells Rogue in front of Alma that she has that kleptomania information for him. Alma's all QUE QUE WHAT, and Rogue has to spin a quick yarn about his cousin Paolo, remember Paolo, poor guy, he steals anything that's not nailed down, it's all because of the losses of his infancia, yes, there was a hurricane, it was terrible, he lost EVERYTHING, even his little dog Fifi! We should put him on the writing team. He's fast and he's good. Meanwhile, we flash to Paty at the department store, stuffing a bikini into her holdall.

Malpractice Marta's first interview is with Maricela, and it's a corker. Mari does her fresa thing, and when Panfilo accidentally interrupts them with his garbage cart, she is absolutely poisonous to him. It's going to be a long road to redemption for this chippy. Marta's "professional" demeanor lasts about six seconds, and before you know it they're bickering about Elias -- and the whole thing's on tape. After the interview, each mocks the other. Good times.

Panfilo stumbles coming out of the conference room and is assisted by Susana, but she is immediately distracted by Sebastian and his everpresent giant bouquet. He confides right there in the middle of the office that he has always felt responsible for the death of his wife, Alma. QTH? This must be one of those telenovela laws: when in doubt about being the center of attention, confess something dramatic with confusing names. Sadly, not even a backstory is going to make this guy interesting.

Jesus & Vero arrive at the "workplace" just as Rogue is leaving, and Jesus summons his faithful steed Remigio to give chase. Either that or he was afraid Vero was going to take off that weird disembodied collar and use it as a weapon. Ha ha! She never would have gotten through airport security in that one! Beaucoup de French-farce hijinks at the only gate in the only airport in Monterrey, where the only cell-phone ringtone is going off like popcorn. Paty to Rogue: Jesus is here! Rogue to Paty: Where? Alma to Jesus: Donde the hell are you? Jesus to Alma: Me? At the airport? Jamas! Rogue to Paty: Donde the hell are YOU? Paty to Rogue: Behind a pillar where no one can hear my ringtone! Jesus to Alma: Um, meeting a friend from Cheek-ago...? Alma to Jesus: Get your fuchsia-clad fanny back to this office pronto! Rogue wins this round, confronting Jesus and flourishing his single ticket to Acapulco, EXACTLY WHERE HE SAID HE WAS GOING. Only a true cad could be so proud of telling the truth for once, but Jesus has no choice but to skulk back to Avon.

In other news:

- Alejandra finally gets Fer to go to brekkies with her but probably wishes she hadn't. He is the world's worst date, and on this show it's a tough contest.
- Special delivery for Elias from the world's most insensitive courier! He says hey, you're getting a divorce, bugs him for a signature, then tells him to have a nice day. He's probably in training to be a therapist.

Avance:

Jesus (and Xochitl?) hire a photographer to spy on the "private bachelor party" in Acapulco...or do they? Either way, keep your bingo pens poised for "kissing in water..."

Labels: Manda