Caray, Caray!

Bonus midweek recap. Yeah, I said I was cutting back, but that's because I didn't know Monday's show would be the funniest ever. And a funny show means a long recap. To avoid a major weekend crunch I'm getting it out of the way now.

Vocabulary words:
cumpleaños - birthday
celoso - jealous
partición de vienes - parting of the ways (isn't in my dictionary, that's why I'm listing it here)
partición de bienes - splitting up the goods (i.e. divorce settlement)
víbora - rattlesnake, aka rainstick (tribal instrument, you shake this stick and it rattles)

Monday:

Lola is sad about the prospect of divorcing her dirtbag husband, and Irma tries to cheer her up. Meanwhile, Yazmin and El Cheque talk mushy on the phone. (I think she calls him "Flaquito" - Skinny? Can someone confirm this?) It's quite nauseating. Luigi stews in his office, waiting for them to finally show up. Then he throws a tantrum. No model, no assistant - he yells that he's going to have to do the whole Bella Life thing himself so that his model and his assistant can get manicures, hang with their friends and talk to their boyfriends. Luigi is not happy to hear that both of their excuses are Lola/El Cheque related. Then I thought he said that he wanted to get Lola fired, but that didn't happen, so either I misunderstood or he was just blowing off steam. Which seems likely.

You'll recall that we ended last week with Alicia in dire financial straits. She tried begging from several people; offered herself to the Big Ugly Stupid Mermaid; even made an improvised embezzling attempt. Then she hatched a plan to seduce Fern's totally hot, super-profound, ultra-sensitive, apparently rich hippie artist friend.

(Sure, she dissed him just a few hours earlier, and he's only going to be in town a couple of days, but that's all the time she needs, right? He'll solve all her financial problems. Here's what she should put on her resume: I am a motivated self-starter. I create opportunities and take prompt initiative. Plus, I'm pretty and I took six semesters of finance at a really good school!)

Alicia tries to engage Ed in some small talk. She asks him to tell her of his travels; she loves to travel. He asks where she has been, and she says she knows Europe well. He says he's interested in different cultures. She agrees with him and says she's been to Peking, a beautiful and exotic country. He tells her that it's Beijing, and its not a country, it's a city; it's the capitol of China. She tries to agree with that too but he charmingly shuts her down.

Luigi comes by and exclaims excitedly about the hot person he sees. Ed turns and smiles at Alicia, but of course, Luigi was referring to Ed. Luigi extends his hand and says "enchantez." Ed is about to kiss it - an enthusiastic greeting like that deserves a hand-kiss, I suppose - but Alicia intercedes to argue with Luigi! Ed takes this opportunity to make his escape.

Alicia and Luigi argue over which of them Ed prefers. Luigi spanks himself indignantly, and Alicia tells Luigi that Pe - no, Beijing is the capitol of China. (Hey, I just report this stuff - I don't write it!) I swear, these two have the best scenes in the entire show. I wish I could tell what-all they're saying!

Later, in Luigi's office, they fight over him some more. Alicia says she hopes to seduce Ed, and Luigi says "um, Hello!", she doesn't have a chance compared to him. She insists that Ed isn't gay. She tells Luigi that Ed is going to take her out for dinner tonight, with filet mignon, truffles, and champagne... but not sausage. ;-) Luigi disagrees. They place bets on which of them Ed will leave the office with tonight.

Lety keeps Ed company while they wait for Fern to come back from a meeting. Ed tells Lety about the "Peking is such a beautiful country" comment and they laugh and laugh. These two have great chemistry - which makes me sad. Doesn't it seem like she'd be much better off with Ed than with Fern? Oh well.

Fern is misting plants in the boardroom (because it's much too important of a job for any of the feas to do, and Fern has so few responsibilities of his own) and Omar nags him about Lety. Most of the Omar and Fern scenes are filler, the same conversations again and again. Omar teases Fern that that Lety dreams of being Leticia Padilla de Mendiola. Har, har! Fern is getting tired of this nonsense - it's rough on his conscience.

Ed comes in and Fern sprays him in alarm. Ed has overheard some of these conversations about Lety's involvement with the shadow company. I'm not sure how much he knows, but he advises them that the situation is dangerous and awful. Fern starts to give a glib answer, but Ed raises his hand dismissively and walks away. Omar is upset - he feels very threatened by Ed's interference. Fern chases Ed.

Fern tries to cajole Ed, but Ed wants to stay on the topic of Lety. She comes out of her office, and Fern sends her home - it's her saint's day, after all. Lety gives Ed a heartfelt goodbye - they've just met today, but she's happy to have met him, blah blah blah, and he says sweet things too. She leaves, and Ed wants to talk more about her, but Fern wants to leave. He grabs Ed's drum and starts banging it and singing the little drummer boy song. He goes all-out-Tarzan in the lobby, where they are intercepted by Marcia. Omar watches discreetly as they discuss the evening's plans.

Marcia: Let's do something!

Fern: Nope, can't, Ed's tired.

Ed (not wanting to play Fern's game): Don't worry, I'll just take a nap here, you guys go do something.

Fern (changing tactics): Ed and I need some alone-time.

Ed (amused): Yes, and it'd be even more fun with Marcia!

Marcia smiles approvingly (usually she rolls her gigantic eyes whenever Ed talks, if he can't see her face). Fern does not. They are interrupted by Alicia and Luigi, who again compete for Ed's attention. They both offer to keep him company for the evening, but Ed suddenly has his own change of tactics - he's going to hang out with Fern tonight! He kisses Alicia's hand. Luigi puts his hand up for a kiss too, and Ed pointedly shakes it. Luigi looks confused and mumbles to Alicia about Ed's strong grip. As Ed and Fern leave, Fern taunts Luigi and Alicia, "celosas!" Omar is still watching worried from the doorway of his office.

Alicia tries to get Marcia interested in where Fern and Ed are going and with whom, but Marcia is not worried. She's got her own plans.

Coming off of the elevator, Ed and Fern are greeted by the feas, who say goodbye to their dreamy visitor. While they're still swooning amongst themselves, Saimon and Yazmin step off the elevator, and it gets quiet for a moment. Then Lola & PM start talking about picking up their kids. Yaz says something about Flaquito's car. Lola replies, um, I think you are referring to MY car? They argue, and Saimon looks horrified. Yazmin seems momentarily offended by Lola's verbal abuse, then suddenly acts delighted. I think she has an idea or something. She gives Saimon an air-kiss (like a mile away from his face) and leaves.

Flaquito (aka El Cheque) comes up in a taxi to pick up Yazmin. He says that his ears had been burning, so Lola must have been yelling about him. Yaz says don't worry, they were talking about him, the divorce, the particion de vienes. She tattles about the car (not that I even know what that's about) and urges him to try to get the house in the settlement.

The feas come outside just after the taxi leaves. They, especially Lola, are angry. Saimon offers someone a ride. PM eagerly accepts, but he ignores her. Jeez! I think Martha also offers to let PM and PM Jr. stay for the night.

Night time at the Padilla house: Lety, Tomas, and her parents sit around the table. RoboPop wants to go out for churros and chocolate (like they used to?). Mom and Tomas scoff at the idea. Surely that is not what Lety would like to do on her saint's day now that she's grown up. RoboPop says fine, we'll just sit here.

Mom asks, what do you want to do, Lety? Lety proposes a new family tradition: going out for churros and chocolate!

They have a great time eating churros and drinking hot chocolate at a diner. Tomas plays with his food and at one point it looks like he's trying to stick a churro up his nose. (Easy, Tomas! Save some of your good moves for when you meet Alicia!) Lety thanks her parents and tells them how much she loves them. Mom says additional mushy things. RoboPop wipes his eyes to prevent them from rusting. Even Tomas gets a bit misty, though not so misty he can't continue to shove churros into his mouth.

They go home and there is more mushy talk. Lety goes into her room and finds that Mom has made her a new quilt. (Pink, of course.) There's still more crying and hugging and mushy stuff. I don't care how happy she is (and believe me, she's happy) - that's just way too much crying for one birthday!

Meanwhile, at Fernando's gigantic, luxurious house, Fern and Ed sip coffee. Fern wants to order some food, Ed doesn't. Blah blah blah. They have that conversation again. To save us all some time, I will give you the gist of it, and any time you see them talking again, you can cut and paste it:

Ed: You mustn't marry Marcia. You won't have a happy life with her. You're not even happy with her now and it's not going to get any better.

Fern: If I don't marry her, I'll lose the company to her ugly brother, and I don't think I could take it if I got defeated by a mermaid. Say, are you hungry? I'm hungry. Let's go somewhere. Perhaps a change of scenery will derail your one-track mind.

Ed: Don't try to change the subject. Lety could make you happy. She has a great inner beauty, and you love her, I can tell.

Fern: The thing is, see, I'm kind of a shallow jackass, although I suppose there must be some hidden beauty deep within me else you wouldn't be my friend, what with your superhuman empathy and sensitivity. Um... so... how 'bout those Red Sox? Could we talk about that?

They go round and round with this conversation. Ed urges Fern to break up with Marcia now, but Fern says it's impossible. Ed says, what about Lety?

(Dude, if you like her so much, why don't YOU marry her?)

Ed's arguments are getting under Fern's skin, making him irritable and flustered. The doorbell rings and he answers the phone and then tells Ed to get the door. Then he collects himself and answers the door.

Oh, joy. It's Marcia. And Ana-Leticia. And Mr. Ana-Leticia, who never talks. Mr. A-L has a rainstick with him. Fern says hey, you brought Alicia! A-L giggles and says no, that's a RAINSTICK! (She sounds like a four-year-old!)

Mr. & Mrs. A-L want to jam with Ed. A-L can't wait to see Ed. Where is he? Where is he? She is jumping up and down. Fern tells them that Ed's asleep upstairs and they should leave. Mr. & Mrs. A-L scream for Ed until he joins them in the foyer.

They play the drum and bongos and rainstick, and then they play them some more. Everyone is having a great time, except for Marcia, who sits there looking bored and pissy.

What does she think it's going to be like when they're married? I have no idea what she'd rather be doing, since she seems not to have any personality of her own. When she's not complaining or otherwise being a pain in someone's butt, she just sits there like a powered-down robot. In fact, the only time Marcia comes alive is when she's scheming with Alicia. So, much as Ed is always saying that Lety is the woman who can make Fern happy, I'm going to start saying that Alicia is the woman who can make Marcia happy. (No one can make Alicia happy, so let's not go crazy trying to fix things for everyone.)

The doorbell rings, and it's Omar. Great, double-joy!! He's still in his suit and tie. I guess he's annoyed with Fern for neglecting his plot to irreparably damage Lety's fragile self-esteem. He hangs out with them in the living room for a while, disapprovingly. When they begin playing yet another number on the rainstick, drum, and bongos, Marcia has an impatient, needlessly bitchy outburst. Ed replies with an angry and very harsh speech of his own, something about "all your lies" (or possibly "all their lies"... "sus mentiras"... not sure what he's talking about since she's not the liar?).

Omar defuses the situation. Then he pulls Ed aside and has an angry talk with him. I think the gist of it is that Ed's an unwelcome, troublemaking interloper. They argue about his sincerity and his motives for visiting. Ed invites Omar to hit him if it'll make him feel better. Then the two of them have what looks like a playful kung-fu/karate kid fight, but it doesn't look like anyone's in danger. Fern, Marcia, A-L, and Mr. A-L watch. Marcia is disgusted. Fern says they're just dancing. (Ed is the better dancer.)

Evidently, everyone goes home after that, and it's just Fern and Ed, smoking a peace pipe. I don't know what's in that pipe, but those two are very very mellow. Ed talks about his fiancee, Inga, in the most glowing terms. Whatever he's saying, we can tell by the look on Fern's face that he doesn't feel that way about Marcia.

--

The next day, Alicia shows up for work in what can best be described as a harem girl outfit. Sort of. And she's humming, and waving around a cup full of smoking herbs. The feas watch in fascination, and I can see why she's Jessica Rabbit, 'cuz she's gone loony-toons. In fact, I'm going to keep calling her that until she changes her clothes.

Lety asks if she's feeling okay. Jessica Rabbit disses them for mocking what they don't understand.

Marcia comes in and tries to break up the fea gathering until she sees what Jessica Rabbit is doing. She correctly guesses that this is a bizarre, last-ditch effort to impress Ed. Jessica Rabbit doesn't seem to note the disapproval in Marcia's voice and unblinking eyes. She enthusiastically agrees, and says that her outfit is really Occidental. She catches herself, and says Asian.

When Fernando and Ed get there, she gets really crazy and starts humming the snake charmer song and doing a weird, jerky dance. Fernando takes her by the hand gently and says he's worried about her. He tells Marcia that, as Jessica Rabbit's friend, she should really take her to a clinic.

Ed pulls Jessica Rabbit aside and tells her that little act was cute, but too complicated for him to understand. He says her outfit is cute and her jokes are perfect. He says more charming things. As he walks away, we can see that our tall busty bunny is in love.


Tuesday:

Marcia is thrilled that Ed is leaving tonight, and tells Fern so. While she gloats, he recalls Ed's remark that he can't be happy with a woman if he's thinking of another one while he's with her. Something like that.

They both have tickets to some event that evening. He remembers that he has plans with Lety that night, so he makes an excuse. He has something very important to do. His excuse isn't very good, and Marcia can tell he's lying. She doesn't try to hide her anger. She stomps off to the bathroom, where Alicia has already changed her clothes, spoiling my name-calling fun.

Alicia sees that Marcia is upset. (That's because she's the woman that Marcia needs!) Marcia says, he's busy tonight again - it's "her" - and we're going to find out who!

Alicia wants to know what Marcia will do. Strangle a confession out of them? Marcia says no, that won't be necessary. She'll just make their lives difficult.

Lety tells the feas about her boyfriend. Ed asks about him. She says how much she loves him, how great he makes her feel. It's not clear (to me) whether Ed knows that Fern, not Tomas, is the real novio.

Later that morning, Tomas calls, singing and banging on a ban with a spoon. From his office, Fern hears Lety exclaim with delight. Fern seems a little worried. Tomas is still a threat. Tomas offers to take Lety out, but she says no, save your money now, and we'll do it next year.

RoboPop is grumpy. He says he doesn't want a party with non-family members. Mom disagrees.

Alicia comes out of the bathroom wearing red. She brags that (I think) her change of clothes is more expensive than their good clothes. Luigi also comes in looking smashing. I mean, seriously yummy. He also brags, but Alicia advises him that he should pay up on their bet right now. He agrees to take her to lunch. At the restaurant, he says she eats like a homeless person (something like that). She says she's hungry. He says something about spending money on clothes vs. food, and (I think) that Martha would be the opposite extreme, spending all her money on food.

Meanwhile, Ed and Lety are having lunch somewhere else, having a nice talk. The feas find them and invite themselves to sit at the table. Ed stands up to get some extra chairs, but Martha (correct spelling) thanks him and takes his seat! The feas begin gossipping loudly. This is in stark contrast to the good conversation they were having before - now it's just yap yap yap.

Over Irma's protests, Paula Maria tells Ed of Alicia and Luigi's bet. He laughs easily, but there's a hint of disapproval.

At yet another place, Omar and Fern dine. F is still shaken by the intensity of Ed's persuasive words about what love should be like. Omar says that stuff is for books and telenovelas. Fern says no, that chick in Ed's photo (Inga, his fiancee) is an angel. Omar tells him he has two choices in the real world: Marcia, or Lety. Fern loses his temper and asks for the check.

After lunch, Luigi and Yaz finish shooting the Secretos perfume ad. Yazmin says, finally! Luigi is angry with her. He says it's her fault it's taken so long. She whines that she's been worried about Flaquito. This is not what he wants to hear. He tells her to get out. She kisses his cheek - something she hasn't yet done for Saimon. He seems to lean towards her just a tiny bit for the kiss, but then pulls away as if insulted. (I love this actor - he is a comic genius!)

She leaves, and Luigi starts groping the perfume display the way Yazmin would have done it if she had done it right. Ed interrupts this tender moment between Luigi and the product, wanting to talk. Luigi plays hard to get, and walks away coquettishly. Ed laughs and follows him.

In her office, Lety talks to her girama. She tells the girama (or maybe the girama is supposed to be telling her) that most people know her as Ugly Lety, but she's really Lety the Happiest of the Happy. Gag! She is soooo looking forward to tonight.

Alicia is also excited. She's going to rent a car so that they can follow Fern tonight without being recognized. She tells them she wants a car at 6. A Porsche or a Ferrari. What? You don't have either of those? Well, how about an Alfa Romeo? She sees Luigi and Ed approaching, so she hangs up in a hurry. Ed says something very nasty to both of them about their little bet and walks away. Alicia and Luigi accuse one another of spilling the beans. He wants her to pay up, but she has no money. Alicia says Ed is a bad boy. She's seriously smitten, I think!

Mom calls Martha for help with the party. She tells Martha that instead of going out with Lety tonight as planned, they should come to the house for a little party. Please spread the word.

Martha is confused by this invitation. Who? What? She says goodbye to Mom. As far as Martha knows, Lety is going out with Tomas tonight. She assumes that Lety has invited Lola, Sara, and Juana out for the evening, but not her. There's a bathroom meeting: she accuses them of being jealous because she's happily married and they're not.

Alicia interrupts. They're being too loud. She can't concentrate on her work. This is met with guffaws. Martha sends her out. Sara says she wasn't invited either. Juana agrees, she knows nothing of any plans with Lety this evening.

They all look at Lola, and Lola reminds them that Lety has a hot date tonight. They ask Lety to clarify - who was invited? Lety says no one - she told her mom they were all going out so she wouldn't know about her hot date. She hurries back to her desk, and they notice that Alicia has been spying on them. Lety calls her mom. Uh, mom, nice of you to organize a party, but I wish you would have told me first. Mom says too bad, we've all been working on this party all day, so it's on. Have your friends come over and invite your boss too!

Lety discusses this with Fern in the boardroom while Ed snoozes in Fern's office. (I guess the point of all this is that Ed thinks Lety is happy with Tomas and doesn't know about the Fern/Lety romance, although I am pretty sure he knows about the shadow company). Fern says no, he can't go to her house, people would gossip, maybe they should call the date off.

Lety works out a new plan - they will have the party but everyone will be out by ten. Then she can go out on that date with her boyfriend. Martha gets on the horn immediately, inviting other people, though Lety only wants the feas to attend.

Back in the boardroom, she informs Fern of the new plan. Fern says no, it's too complicated, it's not necessary. Let's just not go out tonight. Lety says, oh, I get it, sure... I won't insist. She is sad, and he guiltily relents.

It's late in the day. Martha tries to wake Ed up. She tries shaking him and yelling at him. Fern says no, do it this way: he chants softly, "hare krishna... hare krishna..." and he wakes up, grabs his stuff, and runs out.

There is a commotion. He disappears. They all wonder where he went.

He left his drum in Lety's office with a rose. She tells Fern that Ed is a great man. Fern agrees and says good things about him. Marcia calls Fern from another room, and Fern shudders at the sound of her voice, much as he once shuddered at the sight of Lety's face.

Marcia, Alicia, and some of the feas are in his office, wondering what happened. Fern somberly informs them that Eduardo has left. That's just how he is. They all gasp and sigh, except Marcia, who just wants to know where he went. The feas console one another, and Marcia disperses the crowd. (The camera seems to focus on the armoire in Fern's office.)

Lety hugs the drum and says she'll always cherish these memories that are joyful and sincere, like Ed. Left alone in Fern's office, Lety and Fern wipe their eyes.

We hear a door open, and Fern suddenly seems annoyed. I took this to mean that Ed had just been hiding in the armoire and chose that moment to pop out, but alas, it was just Omar. The anti-Ed! He observes how sad Ed's departure has made everyone. Fern says Ed's words have got him thinking about finding another way, but Omar reminds him that Ed's romantic notions aren't realistic.

They discuss tonight's date. Omar points out that Lety's party is actually a good excuse for Fern to be away from Marcia. Lety comes in to say good night. As he leaves, Omar calls Fern "tigre," and Fern calls Omar "idiota."

The feas are heartbroken. Martha, Lola, and Sara call Juana, Irma, and PM to share the bad news of Ed's departure (though it's likely that PM would have seen him leave).

Meanwhile, back at that Padilla home, RoboPop is still grumpy, and Tomas is wearing an even shorter dorky tie than usual. Mom tells him to put away his photo of Alicia. He also hides his Filmo Imagen stuff. He excitedly wonders if Alicia will be at the party.

Also excited, Alicia shows Marcia the equipment she has purchased for tonight's mission: sunglasses, black fedoras, and black trenchcoats. Marcia says no, this is ridiculous. Alicia loves it, though, and dresses up and pretends to be in a spy movie.

Labels: fea