Caray, Caray!

In which many of our characters, including Lucas, stop acting like themselves...

It was fun to see a repeat of Bertha gnashing her teeth, then petting Lucas, then falling into a tormented sleep. Cut to Nati, "Bertha...death and much disgrace" as the lightning cracks in her pool's reflection.

After that excitement we go to boring old Andrea and Padre Santiago. She says she always knew it..."it" being that El Magnate was not really Leonardo I suppose. They agree that she blocked the traumatized past from her mind. I guess this explains why she did not know her own husband's imposter. Now she is worried about Pamela, so to keep her mind off tonterias she will help with the annual church fiesta.

El Guapo sneaks up and surprises them. He tells Santiago that the word in the town is that Padre Santiago is coming for a visit and they want to know so that they can prepare a guajalote = turkey (I think) and receive him in the manner he deserves. Santiago says he's coming after the church fiesta. (It seems to me that El Guapo is always talking in riddles and double-entendres, but I don't understand well enough to get them. Am I imagining things or is this supposed to be his inscrutable style?)

At the hacienda little miss Fauntleroy (I'm sorry, but I hate Miranda's outfit) and Pamela ask Charo to see Tomasa's clothing. They want to know if Charo found anything important. Tomasa died months ago and they are asking now? Charo, who looks much younger than Miranda, keeps calling Miranda niña. Charo remembers that she found some papers about Tomasa's granddaughter but she gave them to Padre Santiago and he gave them to Fernanda. Suddenly the volume on the TV set gets very loud as if by magic. The news is about the fall of the drug cartel and the death of El Magnate. Pamela sobs that she must tell Fermin.

Cesar is in a bar pissed off as usual, smoking as usual, drinking as usual, and throwing his matchbook around in a snit. He's a real chick magnet. Luis Alberto shows up late with excuses. Cesar tells him to shut his snout, (look who's calling whom pig), Luis Alberto is obligated to arrive 15 minutes prior to his own arrival. I repeat, pig. He demands to know why LA didn't tell him that Gonzo went to London. Ummm...cuz he didn't know anything about it? Cesar says that's no excuse. He blames LA for everything. Luis Alberto asks what will they do if Gonzo suspects the parallel accounts? Cesar says he'll make Gonzalo disappear, then he gets an eager and menacing look on his face.

Bertha is lying on the bed snoring. No, it's Lucas who is snoring and he wakes her up. She feels much better and sees things more clearly after her little nap. She wants to go for a walk but Lucas won't budge. He snores some more and she telephones El Guapo.

Florencia is sleeping while Fern and Al watch protectively. El Guapo approaches the window to her room and beckons to Fernanda. Alejandro cannot see him. Fern goes out and recognizes him as being with Padre Santiago at the church. He leers at her and kisses her hand, holding it longer than she likes. He tells her his name is Egberto. She excuses herself and he leers some more.

Juan arrives home with flowers and kisses for Renata. I know he has only two expressions and he is a scary face-sucker when he kisses but he's still a hottie. They jump on the bed and yes! she's going to take off his shirt. Uh oh, a knock on the door. It's Carola and she tiptoes up to their door and sees them making out. Juan is shirtless (thank-you!) and Renata is about to join him. Carola is impactada and runs out. The lovers never even see her.

Nuria goes to the hospital for her appointment with Dr. Cohen. He's not there so Fernanda will see her. Nuria asks if she is Fernanda de Aragon, mother of Miranda San Llorente. If so then Fernanda is her aunt. Nuria faints after revealing this to Fernanda.

Bertha has gotten Lucas off his lazy butt but he's cranky, or a stand-in, because when they walk by Miranda he barks at her. Miranda tells Bertha to shut the dog up. Bertha says "Don't yell at me stupid! Nothing would give me more pleasure than to see him attack you!"

Fabricio, on his way to get Flor's treats, is talking to Al on his cell phone when he is struck on the head by thugs. It is Guapo and a couple of his bozos. These guys are so lame that when they grab the unconscious Faby to drag him to the truck one of them pulls off Fab's shoe and almost falls over backwards. Then he throws the shoe off to the side which will be future evidence of course. Then they scratch their heads and stand around trying to figure out how to get his limp body into the truck.

After the commercial break they are still sitting in the truck. In the midst of kidnapping a full-grown man they have nothing better to do than sit around looking at Fabricio's cell phone, giggling at it ringing and saying "hmmmm...it's Alejandro Luque." Losers.

Bertha is having a morbid fantasy where Lucas attacks Miranda. Blood is spattered all over Miranda and the wall behind her. As she slides down the wall in a slump Lucas licks his bloody chops and Bertha looks like she's about to have an orgasm. No, really. She opens her eyes and Miranda is there, still in one piece. Miranda tells Bertha if Lucas attacks her then Bertha will go to jail. Bertha says no, if Lucas attacks Miranda then he will kill her. "Like he killed Tomasa?" asks Miranda. Then we get to see the Tomasa "no Lucas no no no no no" scene again.

Bertha accuses Miranda of turning Florencia and the rest of the family against her. She goes all "I gave my life for you three girls, took care of you during your formative years and never once hurt or injured you." I guess she's not counting the mental anguish, kicking their mom out and the copious lies. "Florencia would have died years earlier had I not taken her to the doctors." Again, not counting subverting the meds and murdering said doctors. Eventually Pamela shows up and needs to take Miranda's car to pick up her mom. She and Miranda will meet later. Bertha wants to show Miranda something in the library.

Juan and Renata have just made love and are saying sweet things to each other. He sings to her and while they laugh in bed Carola sobs alone in the churchyard. She asks God why Juan has to love Renata instead of her. Padre Santiago sees her and is happy at the return of the prodigal son. I know she's a girl but he said son. She tells him her tale of woe and Santiago, recognizing an easy mark, invites her to mass.

Nuria tells Fernanda that she always thought her parents died and that Bertha was her godmother, but she just found out that Bertha is her mom. Fernanda asks Nuria if she really believes this.

Alejandro, in Flor's room, is still unable to reach Fabricio's phone. Flor tells him she wants him to make up with Miranda. Then she wonders about her biological father, did he know about her? Al says certainly not. Gonzalo is like a true father to her but Alfredo Luque was also a great man. Flor asks if Gonzalo didn't shoot Alfredo then who did? Tia Bertha? Alejandro thinks so. Flor says she remembers "that night" but it was dark and stormy. Al keeps trying to reach Fabricio's cellular.

Guapo and his thugs have dragged a bound, blindfolded and bloody Fabricio to a filthy hideout. Faby demands to know who and why. El Guapo tells him to listen up...rule #1 is that he hates people who ask stupid questions, rule #2 is that Fabricio will speak only when spoken to and he will tell them exactly what they want to know. Every time he breaks a rule he'll get punished. El Guapo punches him in the huevos as a demonstration. Then he punches him some more. Maybe Fabricio is the guajalote.

We must be in some alternate universe because Bertha is pouring a couple of brandies and Miranda is flipping through a photo album reminiscing about childhood trips to Disneyland and Paris. Bertha tells Miranda that the photos are proof of how she dedicated her life to the girls and how much fun they always had together. Does Miranda see any sadness and tears in these photos? (Well no, because who takes pictures of sadness and tears? But I digress.) For some reason Miranda seems to be buying this gigantic load of bull.

Nuria is sobbing in Fernanda's office. She says she loves Bertha (what?), says she doesn't care if she's godmother or mother, Bertha is all she's had in her life. (Didn't she have the sadistic nuns in addition to the abusive Bertha?) Fern thought bubbles that this probably isn't a good time to tell Nuria the truth. Nuria mention's Bertha's grave heart condition. Fern is surprised at this tall tale but pretends she knows. She calms Nuria but ushers her out of the office pronto so that she can scowl about Bertha's lies.

After the lovemaking Juan is asleep and Renata is all hyper. Typical. Francisco and Amparo arrive home and tell Renata how happy they are to have her in the house. Francisco says it's like having a daughter and he has a surprise for her, it's a cheap hideous doll! However Renata is thrilled and says for the first time she really feels like she's part of a family. Francisco asks Renata wouldn't she like to call Fernanda mama? Renata doesn't know. She cries that she can't forget that she was left alone and until now never knew what it was like to be sung to sleep.

Pamela has come to the church to pick up Andrea. Fermin shows up and offers his condolences. Pamela cries that it's horrible that he had to sacrifice himself so that nobody would do damage to them. By the way, he left a letter for Fermin and she'll bring it to him later on at the bank.

Francisco and Amparo encourage Renata to give Fernanda a chance. Renata says part of her wants to be in Fernanda's arms and another part loathes her. She can't forget all those years as an orphan (huh? what about dad and her sisters?) Anyway, her mom abandoned her, she heard a bunch of lies and she doesn't know what to believe.

Fernanda is happy that Alejandro and Flor have bonded. He says his dad would be happy. The phone rings and it's Luciano. Alejandro tells him to try to get more information out of Lasagna; probably about who is beating her up. I hope she spills the beans. Fern wants Al to make up with Miranda. Alejandro is starting to go crazy worrying about Fabricio.

Bertha cries crocodile tears and tells Miranda she's sorry for her role in Flor and Fabricio's relationship. She had no idea that the Fernanda/Bertha saga would repeat itself with Miranda and Florencia. She asks Miranda, "What was my crime?!?" What about being a big fat liar for starters, oh yeah, and that serial killer thing that spans decades, and the child abuse? But before Miranda can answer her phone rings. It's Fabricio and he tells her that he has been kidnapped. She cries "but how, where are you? Please tell me!" Bertha tries to look impactada but we know darn well she really wants to look orgasmica.

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