Caray, Caray!

Real Marfil (henceforth RM) is in bed complaining to Bruno. Repeat of yesterday’s conflagration. Why do you want me to sleep? If the neighbors hear, they will call the police. I hope they will. This is scary. She falls asleep. Bruno actually looks tender, and is stricken. My poor little one. She actually cries into her hand.

More payback for Pancho. He is sneaking outside the motel parking lot in a towel. Pancho sneaking around outside in a towel. Two girls come by. Don’t be so modest—show us everything, they say. Then they astutely observe that they are sure you had your manos in the masa (hands in the dough) for your girlfriend to leave you nude out in the street. Good idiom, like hands in the cookie jar.

Granny DS has a new doll and a matching pink hat. Max comes to visit. Where is Diana? She is always with Marfil. Max breaks it to her that Diana won’t be coming back.

Back to M/D. What happened? Did she really wake up? Yes, it’s a miracle. How could this happen precisely now? What about our plan? Bruno tells M/D that RM is very angry. We had to give her a sedative. We must convince my twin to play along. M/D then thought bubbles “She will never return. Ha! I will be the new Marfil. Rolls eyes and tosses shoulders haughtily. Folks, this actress has the whiniest voice and delivery you have every heard. Wait for her crying scenes with Max. (When I was a kid, if I pulled a number like that my mother would call me “Sarah Heartburn.” This punny putdown was always used by mothers in my day. It would stop a tantrum in its tracks. It perfectly describes this scenery chewer’s acting style.)

Granny DS is talking to Max about why Diana isn’t coming back. He lies and tells her Diana has problems at home and her granny is very sick. Why doesn’t she bring her granny here and take care of both of us? Oh, she lives very far away. Then I am going to die. Than I am not going to eat. Max holds the dolly and tells her a story. Of Cenicienta (Cinderella). There was a pretty and poor girl. Lives with stepmother and bad stepsisters. Granny doesn’t like that part: skip to the end. Max does and Granny DS falls asleep. This is kind of touching—and a two-ton insertion of foreshadowing by the writers.

Diana is combing the papers for a new job. It’s hard to get to work without a car—and a nursing license. Reviewing past with Granny. It’s very hard that I can’t get work in a hospital. My license was suspended because of Dr. Evil (I’m still not clear on all the details of her license loss—if anyone knows please add). Granny vows that he won’t prevail. When will the judgment come? We don’t have a court date yet. But I’m going to talk to Gaviota, as she is my lawyer. (Folks, I have not seen the beginning, but I don’t know how Gaviota can be a lawyer. Ex-felons don’t get to be lawyers, except in extremely rare circumstances, and that is if they attend law school after prison (excluding “jailhouse lawyers,” who are just people who help other prisoners without having real training). The idea that she obtained a degree in prison is extremely unlikely, unless Florida has a very different system from New York’s. This has got to be just another fantasy the writers cooked up to add yet another coincidence to this highly coincidence-driven show. Did anyone see how Diana came to retain Gaviota as her lawyer? Did Gaviota hang out a shingle at the “bar”? Does she have any other clients? I will step off my lawyer’s high horse now, con permiso.)

Gaby is talking to Lala about how sad Diana is to lose her job. Lala says better my son will help her find a new job (the Diego Employment Agency has a great success rate. For a nice guy he has a bunch of awful associates. More later.) O comes in. You are fired. Because of your sister. Shut up, igualada. Your sister is a golddigger who is waiting to take over for the lady of the house. No, she’s a good and decent girl, she never wanted to conquer a man to raise herself up. Get out of your uniform and out on the street with your sister. I will send your severance pay with Lala . Octavia pleads for mercy. O says, shut up. You have years of service here, but I don’t permit anyone to judge my decisions. If you don’t like it you can go too.

Gaviota tells Diana she is glad she left that horrible house and those bad people. No, all was my fault. I should never have kissed Max. I let him kiss me. No, don’t feel guilty, the truth is that you have been in love with a married man. The same as your mother. No, I was happy working there and I was near him.
I loved him, Gav. But now you have to forget him. You must hate him. You cannot love people who are trash. Diana says he is different from his mother. Gav says no. Forget him before it’s too late. He’s worthless, he’s an Irazabal. Lots of repetitive discussion like this.

Max tells Emilio that if Marfil were gone, he would marry Diana tomorrow. Emilio says O would be mad. Max doesn’t care.

Camila on beach talking on cell to D/M . Asking if she has the money. No. D/M says she will find something to sell. Camila hangs up and gloats about how no one can conquer her and Marfil

Bruno tells D/M that she is going to see RM. D/M is hysterical. Tells her about the secret plan. Enlists her in going to O’s room to steal jewelry.

Diana and Granny are talking about Max. Then Gaby comes home and tells how she got fired just for being Diana’s sister. They are all upset. Too many debts. They are on a losing streak. Granny says God will help us. Gaby is most upset that she won’t see Larry anymore.

Larry tells Lala that he will save the day—he has something very good that he will do with Gaby. Just then Larry gets a call from—Pilar! She is in trouble in Mexico. Please help.

Diana walking in street and meets Diego. Wow, he’s got a new job lined up for her as a “telefonista,” which seems to be a receptionist/telephone operator. It’s working for a company for some millionaire where he is giving piano lessons. Good luck. (BTW, why have we never seen Diego actually playing the piano. Maybe he can't play at all. Judging from his students, they wouldn't know the difference. They certainly are not applying themselves to their studies.)

D/M calls Max in his office. Tries to get him to come home. No, honey—too much work. Meanwhile, Bruno fishes through the jewelry box and finally finds something good—a giant gold bracelet with several large emeralds. (vocab: Esmeralda= emerald, pulsera—bracelet. I like that, it helps to remember: pulse points—wrist--bracelet.).

Back to Pilar: Kiki hit me, he took my passport, and my bag and money and my tarjetas de credito. I can’t get back to U.S. Larry says: oh, now you want me. When you left with that trash and left me at the altar. Please. Kiki comes up and Pilar is cut off. You can tell Larry is torn!

Gaby tells about Larry’s marriage proposal. Granny says it’s not a good idea. He is just looking for a refuge and a balm for his pain. But Gaby likes the illusion. They talk more about finding new jobs.

D/M looks at the pulsera. Tells Bruno to sell it. Bruno wants to use any extra money for therapy for RM. D/M is not happy with that idea. Bruno says that sooner or later, RM will have to return to the mansion. Bruno calls D/M an impostor, and D/M slaps Bruno. It almost makes you feel sorry for Bruno. D/M says, get out of here, igualada. Payback to Bruno. D/M is mad because Bruno prefers paralyzed Marfil. Out in the hall, Bruno cries. I am paying, my golden child, I am paying. We don’t know what this is about yet.

Max is filling in as nurse for Granny DS. More whining about how they both miss Diana.

Diana is trolling streets of Miami in a strapless dress. Arrives at new job at Bracho Imports (I wonder what they import? We can only guess . . . but I bet it isn’t coffee.). Receptionist can’t keep up with calls. Old receptionist says, oh you are young and pretty. Lucky you got this, but you are young and pretty. I am going on vacation. They’ll probably fire me when I get back. I’m now 50 years old. Diana says she would never allow that.

Cut to shot of man in open bathrobe with goatee and ponytail. The effect is not Larry the hunk but Al Pacino in the latter part of Scarface. This is Senor Victor Bracho. Wants to know if the new telefonista has arrived. His wife comes in, and says if I catch you cheating I’ll kill you both. Not to be a looksist, but this is almost too much of a joke—the wife seems to be 20 years older and 75 pounds heavier than Victor. A beauty she is not. Wife puts a small gun in her purse.

Cut to O. Nancy, call the chofer in 10 minutes. I don’t want to drive. She is looking through the jewel box. Naturally she is looking for the pulsera—which Bruno took because she thought she didn’t wear it often and might not notice it was gone right away. O accuses maid of doing it. No, I swear.

Camila and Bruno. Camila wants to see the bracelet—she says she has a place downtown. They speculate on the secret. After Bruno leaves, Camila laughs that Bruno is delusional if she thinks that Camila won’t win out.

Back to Bracho Imports. More instructions on phone answering, Mr. Bracho is cranky. He loves young and pretty girls like you. He always treats them well.

Max is swimming in pool. D/M comes out with walker. She tries to kiss him. He pulls away. Don’t you want me? He says the truth is with two years separated my passion cooled. It’s not easy to maintain a marriage that way. The only solution is that get a divorce. She is impactada.

Bracho arrives and asks how’s this new telefonistsa. She is young and pretty. Send her in.

O is quizzing everyone about the bracelet. Of course, she accuses Diana. Yolanda tries to get her to remember when was the last time she saw it. O is having none of it.

Gaby is sweeping the house. Larry comes in door. Did he even open the door? At least on Seinfeld you saw them come in and open the door without knocking. Here they just walk onto the set.

D/M scolds Max about divorce. She can’t believe it. Major tantrum ensues. He says he will take care of her until she recovers. Tantrum continues.

Come in says Bracho. Leers at Diana. Diego assured me that you are a good worker. In my profession of nurse, but I’m not sure about this. I just want to get experience. How did you get here? I took the bus and subway. Don’t worry. I will pick you up in the morning. No. I am accustomed to public transportation. Don’t say another word. For me it is no trouble. When you finish work, I will take you home. Can you guess what’s coming? (Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice; shame on me. All I can say is, Diana had better not use the Diego Employment Agency again.)

Back to more repetitive arguing between Max and D/M. He says, If I could do over my life, you are very pretty and all, you deserve a man who loves you. I am not that man. Don’t go Max, don’t go. He goes. She vows: No no this will not happen. He will never divorce me.

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