Caray, Caray!

Come on, cats, and grab your hats, I mean this joint ain’t jumpin’.

But first, a quick recap of yesterday’s exchange between Real Marfil and Isabel. RM has just announced that tonight, the true Marfil will take her rightful place. Isabel asks if she’s thinking of causing a scandal by unmasking her sister. No. Devora will exit stage left and Marfil will enter stage right. The Machivellian subtlety of this plan is lost on Isabel. Marfil isn’t going to expose Devora. It doesn’t suit her to scream out in front of everyone that she’s an imposter. Devora would only retaliate by accusing her of kidnapping Diana’s baby and Maximiliano would end up despising them both. Now Isabel’s getting it. Devora needs to leave the mansion without anyone noticing. Marfil will then enter the mansion. They’re so identical, no one will notice the change. (Wow. That’s awesome strategy. She must have boned up on Sun Tzu’s Art of War during her convalescence.) But Devora’s a fiera, Isabel points out, she won’t want to give back Marfil’s identity. How is Marfil going to get her out of the house? Close-up of Marfil smiling enigmatically at the teleprompter. Her eye make-up gets more MDF-like as this novela progresses. Hmmm…

Part Two of the festivities at Casa Irascible begins with a replay of Gaviota’s Grand Entrance, with her daughters in tow. Gav dug up one of Joan Collins’s old costumes from Dynasty, marabou shrug, diamond rivière, and all. Little Doormat calls to mind Sharon Tate in the 60’s schlockbuster Valley of the Dolls. Change Diana’s gown from pink and red to light and dark blue and you have my older sister at her junior prom in 1979. Yolanda might have them all beat, however. Her chartreuse dress is more than just a bad idea gone wrong. It is irredeemably vile. But wait. There’s more low couture on the way. We’re getting a replay of the library scene. Camila looks like she just stopped by on her way to an adult film awards show, but Faux Marfil’s black satin and moulting boa are a disappointment. Still, her Gunsmoke ’do easily rivals any of Sylvia’s wigs.

And speaking of Sylvia and her wigs, here she is chatting with Dr. Evil. This wig and its accessories did not come from Jennifer Garner. No, I think Sylvia got this from the 1967 revival of Hello Dolly starring Libertad Lamarque, a.k.a. Piedad Bracho in La Usurpadora.* Anyway, Sylvia/Dolly and Ignacio wonder what’s going on. Andrés joins them and they all wonder some more, getting in a dig or two at the Garces Girls.

Back in the library, Faux Marfil tries to convince Camila that what she saw and heard was nothing, Andrés is just a sabandija (slob or louse according to my dictionary). Bubbling with high spirits and girlish laughter, Camila taunts her. So now Faux Marfil likes slobs/lice. Real nice. Not to worry, because Max is going to find out right now. That Camila. She’s just all kinds of a tease.

We return to the party. Max is standing off to the left with Emili-oh, gazing fixedly at our Three Graces, so elegant and soignées. Yolanda, who has been standing off to the right with Peyola, Lunkhead, and Octavia, approaches Gaviota and her girls. After a bit of loaded small-talk she welcomes them, then retreats, glad to have "todos los honores" over with.

From the far right of the salon, René, Pilar, Jorge, and two women with fake smiles are also checking out las hermanas Soriano and their fearless leader. Pilar gets irritated when René and Jorge remark on how great Little Doormat looks. You can’t blame her, really. Gaby cleans up right nice. As for Pilar, well, that little brown dress with the plunging neckline only makes her look like the Gingerbread Tramp. En fin, René tells her to hide her jealousy and before she can bicker back much, Kique swaggers up. Pilar is not happy to see him. She asks if he came to cause trouble for her. Kique replies that he didn’t come to see Pilar. He came to see Gaby. He looks over at Little Doormat, no longer the mousy virgin whimpering over Luscious Larry. Close-up of Gaby, sophisticated coquette, looking back at Kique.

We return to the library where Faux Marfil is imploring Camila to keep her mouth shut. They play cat and mouse for a bit, then Camila says she won’t tell just yet. She can wait to unmask Faux Marfil. She’ll sweep the floor with Our Little Blonde Weasel. Exit Camila. Faux Marfil throws a hissy fit and then leaves the library.

We check in on the party again. Now Yolanda’s dress looks yellow. This does not improve it any. She and Emili-oh exchange stiff pleasantries with our three lovelies. When Kique approaches, they bail. Luscious Larry has been watching from afar with Mamacita, impassive in her white sequined sheath. Our Airhead Adonis begins to lose it when he sees Kique moving in on his esposa, who’s looking hotter than he remembered. Octavia restrains him.

Back to Kique, who tells Gaby she looks lovely and kisses her hand. Little Doormat seems to have forgotten this is the same dirtbag she caught in bed with Pilar before the Ill-Fated Boda. She tells him he looks handsome and elegant. Kique leads her off and we get a close-up of Octavia, trying to look displeased while Lunkhead Larry seethes with anger. Close-up of Gaviota watching them with a smug, condescending little smile on her bright red lips.

Pilar’s mood seems to have improved – maybe René broke out the wacky dust. At any rate, she and her friends are yukking it up when Sylvia decides to join them. They take one look at the ostrich plumes, plastic jewels, etc., and move away en masse. Pobre de Sylvia. That’s no way to treat a Comic Sex Kitten. Enter Camila. Sylvia grabs her with a “Look who’s here!” Camila sees Gaviota, Gaby, and Diana. She is impactada.

Meanwhile, Gaviota saunters oh-so-casually over to Octavia. For a moment we get to savour the delicate irony of the Wicked Older Woman in white and the Avenging Angel in black. Gav compliments Octav on taking such good care of the house she stole. If it weren’t for the snake-like glimmer in her eyes, one would swear Octavia was embalmed. “Excuse me. I have to attend to the other guests,” is her reply. She crosses the salon, presumably to chat with one of the six extras who make up her prestigious social circle. But maybe the scarcity of guests is indicative of just how exclusive a gathering it really is. Yeah. Sure. Right.

Enter Faux Marfil. She exchanges glances with Octavia in passing; Octavia turns from Pilar and friends to watch Faux Marfil. FM goes up to Diana and asks if Our Heroine holds a grudge against her. On the contrary, Diana replies as Gaviota appears behind her, smirking with approval. "In this milieu hypocrisy is much in fashion." Diana walks away and we get a close-up of Faux Marfil, with Bruna now watching in the background. FM silently mimicks Diana’s response, making childish faces. Just like Bruna when she’s got that merry prankster itch. Hmmm…

Diana has a chat with her mother-in-law. Lala says that Octavia is eating her heart out right now, and Maximiliano isn’t exactly having the time of his life, either. Diana observes that he is suffering from her indifference. Lala’s not pleased. She points out that Diego is suffering, too. He’s jealous, afraid she’ll wind up back in Maximiliano’s arms. That’s not going to happen, Our Heroine declares. Lala’s not convinced. Diana insists that she hates Max, more than she ever thought she could. Max and Diana exchange close-ups. A great love is hiding behind that hatred, says Lala. Diana claims that she feels only rancor towards Max. Gaviota has made up her mind to crush los Irazabal and Diana’s going to support her.

Cut to Faux Marfil vamping Jorge. She doesn’t waste much time on him before strolling over to Max, Lunkhead, and Peyola. So what does Max think of the change in the garrapata? Max thinks she’s beautiful and says so. Even Larry knows what’s coming next. He has a flash of good sense and excuses himself, taking Paola with him. Out come the claws as Faux Marfil hisses that she won’t allow Max to call Diana beautiful. Bruna continues her surveillance as Max answers that it would be stupid not to acknowledge Diana. Faux Marfil practically drips venom as she says he can devour Diana with his eyes all he wants, but he won’t get her to forgive him. If he gets near her, she’ll laugh at him. With a psychotic little giggle, Faux Marfil wanders off, and we pan past Our Heroine having a glass of champagne with Jorge.

Off in the corner, Camila, Dr. Evil, Andrés, and Silvia have regrouped. Ignacio comments on Diana’s transformation. Camila sneers that Our Heroine’s lack of class shows right through the clothes and jewels. (Three words, Camila: Pot. Kettle. Black.) Dr. Evil disagrees, blathering on about how she doesn’t resemble the low-life nurse he tried to take down in court. She’s still a prole, Camila insists contemptuously. Ignacio’s dying to kiss her, although “besar” is just a euphemism for what he really has in mind. Close-up of Diana conversing with Jorge. Cut back to Ignacio. He wants to make Diana his. Realizing that dream won’t be easy, Andrés tells him. “Obstacles don’t exist for me, Andrés.”

The Orchestra of Doom gets louder and more menacing as we cut back to Diana, looking past Jorge at Max. She is having another telepathic conversation with him, telling him he can’t imagine how low he’s going to go. Cut to Max, looking constipated as he thought-bubbles that he loves this version of Diana as well, so splendid and distant. He walks away to clear the stage for Dr. Evil, who does some thought-bubbling of his own. Diana looks so appetizing, so attractive. She’s within arm’s reach. She’ll be his one day.

Unfortunately for Andrés and Bruna, not all the characters who’d like to hop in the sack with Our Heroine get a thought-bubble close-up. We have to leave the House of Usher to visit the Little House in the Barrio. Diego is ranting to Pancho. It’s the usual litany of jealousy and woe. Pancho gives him useless macho advice. A man wears the pants, if a woman of his got out of line, he’d slap her into shape, etc. No, Diego couldn’t hit Diana. That’s why she treats him like a puppet, says Bro, obviously she wears the pants in the family. Diego rolls his eyes in exasperation.

So much for the break from Psycho Manor. Like me, Octavia wants to know how long this witless travesty of a party is going to last. She just wants to go to her room and curl up with a good guide to poisons. Yolanda counsels patience. Easy for her to say – they’re guzzling champagne and I am not.

Gaviota’s milling around, but she’s not mingling, rather like the Masque of the Red Death. She rejoins Diana and tells her it’s time for the circus to begin. Somehow this update fails to ignite my curiosity and I wonder what Kique and Gaby have been up to all this time. Maybe Kique slipped her one of his potions. Maybe it unleashed her inner fiera and now they’re upstairs rolling around on a bed, tearing each other’s….well, okay, probably not. Bueno, Gaviota tells Our Heroine that neither Max nor Dr. Evil have taken their eyes off her all evening. Diana must go to the library and give Ignacio a captivating glance along the way. He’ll follow her, filling Max with jealousy. Once in the library with Ignacio, Diana must flirt with him. Our Heroine is suddenly aghast. Flirt with that guy? Gaviota assures her it will be worth it. After a moment, Diana gets a sly, almost malicious little smile on her face.

The Orchestra of Doom plays loud, ominous music as Our Heroine moves in on Ignacio with all the sultry allure of a country bumpkin in gingham and bonnet, carrying her schoolbooks on a strap. She gives Montiel her best come-hither glance. Close-up of Max, furrowing his brow and looking down his nose. Cut back to Diana. Larry watches in the background as she briefly puts a hand on Dr. Evil’s lapel, then goes into the Library of Unbridled Lust as directed. Ignacio exchanges smug looks with Andrés. Gaviota takes in the exchange, cool and calculating, before turning her attention to Max. With Octavia and Yolanda for an audience, Gav tells Max what he just saw. Close-up of Max, trying to process this information. Close-up of Gaviota, glancing back at the library. Commercial.

We come back from commercial to the library. Things are going as planned: Ignacio has followed Diana and closed the door behind him. Using her newfound feminine wiles, she tells him she’s not the same nurse he tried to take down for not giving in to him. He wants to start over. Everything could be perfect between them. Our Heroine begs to differ. All he wants is to take her to bed. She’s not looking for a fling. She’s a Married Woman. Married to an invalid who doesn’t make her happy, Ignacio observes. Diana continues to play Hot Tamale Mollie. Dr. Evil takes the bait and moves in for the clinch.

We leave them to stop in at Paco’s bar. He’s all dressed up with no place to go, unlucky in love, it sucks to be Paco. Caramelo, in her True to the Navy uniform, tries to console him. I’ll bet a peppy rendition of “Something for the Boys” would do the trick, but Caramelo sticks to the usual platitudes. He’s still young and handsome, etc., etc. He finally concedes that she is right but feels to compelled to remind us that Gaviota will never love him back. Pobre de Paco.

We head back to the House of Usher to see if that clambake has started to swing yet. Gaby walks by on Kique’s arm. Larry, who’s now hanging out with René and Jorge, watches and fumes. René fails to understand Lunkhead’s jealousy; Gaby may be his wife, but they didn’t even consummate the marriage. Jorge says Larry has to resign himself to losing her. No way, Larry replies, not to that idiot Kique. So are you in love with her or not? René asks. Larry doesn’t know, and as he elaborates, he makes it plain that he’s too damned stupid to realize he’s actually saying “Yes.” René can’t believe it. Even with all the gray matter that he’s sacrificed to the Party Gods, he’s still smarter than Larry. René tells Larry he should leave Little Doormat alone if he’s not in love with her. She’s suffered enough.

In the library, where there’s not a book in sight, things are heating up on Dr. Evil’s part. It’s not just a passing fancy, he says, he’s never stopped thinking about her, blah, blah, blah. Just as he’s ready to move in for the kiss, she pulls away. He’s shameless, always been a liar, never speaks the truth. Ignacio’s really jonesing for that kiss. Even though they’re both standing right by the door, neither sees it open. It’s Max, qué sorpresa. He watches from the doorway as Dr. Evil pants in Our Heroine’s face, causing her hair to flutter about. Diana looks quite pleased with the effect she’s having on her nemesis. And on Max – I’m pretty sure Diana sees him over Ignacio’s shoulder. Max looks quite grim. The camera cuts back and forth between Max and Diana while Dr. Evil pants on.

Out in the salon, Larry’s had enough. No castoff wife-in-name-only of his is going to get mixed up with Kique. He pulls her away, almost making her spill her big-girl glass of champagne. She gets annoyed. Apparently Gaby’s dress came with a backbone. She didn’t get to know Kique when she was just a maid; now she finds him simpático, handsome, charming. Have you changed so much? Larry asks. They need to talk. Yes, Gaby replies, about their divorce. “No, not about our divorce. About us. About our marriage.” Gaby lets him have it, laundry-listing every instance of his bad behavior since they got married, from not consummating the marriage to letting her be banished to the servant’s quarters. She goes off in a huff. Kique toasts Larry on a job well done. Pilar narrows her eyes and scowls. Gaviota lifts her chin and smiles.

Meanwhile, Diana is still allowing Dr. Evil to paw and pant and beg. Finally she says the magic words: “Kiss me, my fool.” Before Ignacio can claim his prize, Max bounds into the room, pulls him away, and threatens to kill him. Close-up of Dr. Evil with his sleepy cobra look. Close-up of Max with his fiera look. Close-up of Diana with her Gaviota look.

After the commercial, we find ourselves with Gaby and Larry again. Is she another woman? She seems so different. Of course she is. And he brought about that change. Larry wants to know if she hates him. Maybe, and maybe not. Right now she’s only sure of the fact that she finds him guapísimo. She follows this remark with a lingering caress.

On the other side of the salon, Pilar becomes furious. She turns and grabs her blonde friend in leopard print, rudely interrupting Blondie's discussion of Hegel’s Phenomenology of the Spirit. Or maybe she was debating pump vs. sandal. Either way, Pilar’s amiga is not pleased. Pilar crabs about Little Doormat fondling “her” Larry. He’s no longer “Pilar’s” Larry, he’s Gaby’s husband. “He’s mine!” Pilar cries. “Are you sure?” asks René. Peyote notes that Little Doormat has changed inside and out. She’s not the shy little maid of yore. She’s determined to get her husband back. “That will never happen!” Pilar vows. Peyola laughs. René says “Ya bailó Bertha. Troy’s going to burn.”

Outside the mansion, two men in ski masks are skulking around in the bushes. They are met by Real Marfil in her baby-pink gown with matching plush cape. “You finally got here,” she says.

(At this point a red screen interrupts to say that Comcast is currently not receiving a signal for this channel. This annoying red screen pops up throughout the rest of the capítulo, so apologies if I missed anything important.)

Inside, Bruna comes up to Marfil. Bruna is some dish with her hair all curled and her cranberry lace cocktail dress. She tells Señora Devora that she can’t believe her eyes, the things she’s seen at this party. (I hope Devora’s Pepto Bismal pink lipstick is among those atrocities.) Devora asks where Max is, but Bruna doesn’t know. He’s probably with that little nurse disguised as a society lady, Devora snarls. She goes to hunt Max down. Every conversation at this party has an audience. This one has Gaviota, the picture of B-movie chic in her marabou shrug and chandelier earrings.

Back in the library, Max tells Dr. Evil to get out. They argue and finally Ignacio suggests to Diana that they leave together. She’s still playing the femme fatale. Max grabs the good doctor and throws him towards the door. Dr. Evil promises to look Diana up sometime. “Of course, Ignacio, whenever you like.” Max is furioso. Just what kind of hussy has she become, carrying on with the scumbag who tried to put her in jail? Diana tells him to watch his mouth. He calls her a hussy again. She slaps him and storms out. Close-up of Max, completely bewildered.

Out in the salon, Dr. Evil tells his faithful henchman that it’s time to go. After watching them leave, Larry tells Gaby they should go, too, find someplace where there aren’t so many people so they can talk. Before they reach a decision, Pilar shows up. She wants to know why Larry’s talking to la sirvientita. Gaby’s glad that Pilar stopped by. She wanted to congratulate her on her taste in men, specifically, Kique. She can see why Pilar jilted Larry for a studmuffin like Kique. Lunkhead can’t believe Little Doormat likes that idiot. Larry thought he was her kind of idiot, poor lamb. Gaby wonders what’s it’s like to kiss Kique. Pilar ought to be able to answer that. She knows Kique very intimately, after all. Pilar tells her to shut up. René, who apparently has been standing just outside the frame all along (and mugging the whole time, no doubt) drags Pilar away before she can sink her claws into Gaby. Gaby, meanwhile, tests her new ability to Drive Men Mad by sending Lunkhead off to get her another glass of bubbly. He protests that she never used to drink. She expresses her amazement that he remembers anything at all about her, she was such a cipher in his life. Whipped, Larry goes to fetch her a fresh glass. Gaviota is pleased by this development. Gaby isn’t.

Diana rejoins the glamorous throng. She tells Gaviota “Mission accomplished.” Enter Max. He stops, as if about to say something to Diana, then changes his mind and keeps going.

Yolanda, Emili-oh, Octavia, and Faux Marfil are standing by the stairs. Devora is in complaint mode. I’ve decided that her annoying singsong is the Colombian equivalent of the Valley Girl speech pattern. She wants to know why Octav doesn’t just chase that baratija and her sister out of the house. Octavia says she can’t. Max joins them and tells Faux Marfil that the circus is over, they’re going upstairs. FM’s not going anywhere until Diana leaves the premises. They have a little scuffle, but Faux Marfil breaks free and stomps off. Max almost goes after her but Yolanda stops him.

Faux Marfil is out in the garden, grousing aloud about Our Heroine. The masked men grab her and chloroform her. (Now why have none of the other characters thought of that?) Real Marfil waits until Faux Marfil goes limp. She tells her henchmen to take Devora away and finish the job. Shadowy close-up of Real Marfil. “The time has come for you to take your place, Devora. I mean, my place.” On this cryptic note we go to commercial.

We return to the salon. René is telling Pilar for the umpteenth time to just cool it, because Larry is Gaby’s husband. Meanwhile, Lunkhead is trying to explain how confused he’s been all these months. How interesting, Gaby answers, and sends him off for yet another glass of champagne. Pilar takes this opportunity to confront Little Doormat again. They argue over Larry. “Larry’s mine,” says Gaby, “and I’ll show you right now.” As Larry approaches with her refill, she kisses him with such intensity you’d think she was trying to perform a mouth-to-mouth tonsillectomy. Pilar can’t stand it and pulls Little Doormat off. Gaby nonchalantly takes her champagne from Larry and throws it in Pilar’s face. The guests are horrified. Pilar is drenched. Amazing how much wine that glass held. I’m surprised Gaby can still walk after downing a couple of those. Gaby polishes off the last little sip. She’s pretty darned pleased with herself.

Cut to Silvia and Camila, impactadas. They tell each other what just happened. Camila breaks off to stop Diana from going upstairs. She accuses Our Heroine of trying to crawl into Max’s bed, slut that she is. At least Max would welcome Diana into his bed, which is more than Camila can say. Touché, Diana! Camila’s about to follow her up the stairs, but Emili-oh intervenes. He tells her to stay out of it. Camila decides that she needs to warn Faux Marfil. Silvia decides to go to the powder room.

Meanwhile, Gaby warns Pilar to stay out of her way. What just happened was only a taste of what she’s capable of. She was raised by Granny Miguelina, and she can wield more formidable weapons, like buckets and garden hoses. Kique asks Gaby if she’d like to go. She would, and they do.

We catch up with Diana in Doña Santa’s room. She’s watching the dear old lady sleep. As if on cue, Granny wakes up. Is it Diana or is she dreaming? Has Diana come back to be her nurse? No, she came to attend the party downstairs. Doña Santa is bummed. Nobody invited her. Awww. Pobre de Granny. But how beautiful and elegant Diana looks. She reminds Granny of Cinderella at the ball. They rehash the tale and Diana contrasts the happy ending in the prince’s palace with the unhappy ending in the Irascible palace. Poor Granny doesn’t quite understand, bless her little bloomers. Never mind, it’s late, she needs to go back to sleep. Diana tucks Granny and her doll in for the night.

Cut to Max walking down the hall. Diana tries to walk past him but Max blocks her. Did she really want Dr. Evil to kiss her? Diana turns her back on Maxi. Yes. She likes him as a man. She discovered that she’s attracted to him. Max pulls her around. He’ll show her who’s the better kisser. Go, Max! Diana resists but he manages to plant one on her, anyway. She slaps him. He goes for it again and the second slap is noticeably weaker. Max goes for it a third time. The theme song fades in and the scene goes into slo-mo. They kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss until we break for commercial.

When we return, Real Marfil enters the salon. And you know, her plan just might work. If you ignore the hairdo, the make-up, the jewelry, and the clothes, she really does look exactly like Faux Marfil. It’s positively uncanny. Enter Camila, glad to have finally found her. Marfil disparagingly gives her the once-over. And why is Camila looking for her? Diana followed Max to his room. They’re probably deceiving her right now. Marfil whirls around, ready to charge up the stairs, but Camila seizes her by the arm. Didn’t Marfil have a different hairdo, a different dress? “I’m in my house,” Marfil says, as if this answers the question. Before she can get up the staircase, Bruna appears, and she, too, notes that Debora doesn’t look the same as she did ten minutes ago. Damn. Marfil hadn’t counted on people having such an eye for detail. That’s not important, she says, hyperventilating. Is it true that Diana followed Max to his room? Bruna didn’t notice. Marfil hurries upstairs.

Cut to Max and Diana, still making out in the hall. They are so intoxicated by that heady brew of love, hate, lust, revenge (and booze) that they fail to notice Marfil’s arrival. Our enraged Playboy/Easter Bunny demands to know what Max is doing kissing that woman. Diana tells Marfil she’d forgotten what a good kisser her husband is. ¡Desgarrada! shrieks Marfil, lunging at Diana. Max holds her back. Diana proposes a little bet, similar to the one Faux Marfil had going with Camila. Marfil scoffs at the idea. Diana’s not a worthy rival. “I have the same weapons as you and I can play in the same arena,” says Our Glamorous Gladiatrix, coyly waving adios. Marfil continues to struggle and scream.

Max drags Marfil to the bedroom and shoves her in. She’s dead-set on showing Diana who Marfil de Irazabal is, but Max isn’t having any more escándalos tonight. Marfil thinks that’s a load of crap. He was kissing Diana. Marfil is his wife. Our Hero doesn’t mince words. It’s no secret to Marfil that Diana is the woman he loves. Marfil begins calling him names, pounding her manicured little fists against his manly chest. Max shuts her up pretty quickly, and you’ve got to give the boy credit. No matter which Marfil he’s dealing with, he makes the shrieking stop. Anyway, he notices that she looks nothing like the satanic saloon girl who’s made the Irascible Soirée of Shame that much more of a trial. When did she change her clothes and hair? “No te importa,” she gasps, turning away. Maxi stares at her for a second, then bangs the door shut on his way out. Close-up of Marfil trying to catch her breath.

At Dr. Evil’s Lair, Ignacio rehashes the library scene for Andrés, omitting the part where Max threw him out like a sack of garbage and focusing instead on his near success with Our Heroine. Andrés is doubtful. Dr. Evil orders a drink. As Andrés gets up to make it, Ignacio thought-bubbles like any clean-scrubbed, wholesome studmuffin in love. He’d give anything to hold Diana in his arms, ad nauseam. This is out of character. There’s something nefarious brewin’ here.

Midnight seems to have struck at the party. Gabriela Soriano de Irazabal, Seductive Young Woman of the World, has turned back into the pumpkin we all know and love as Little Doormat. She wants to know if they can go home. They’ve done their job, they’ve humiliated the Irascibles. Gaviota graciously agrees. The night has been perfect. Kique would like to see Gaby again. She’s not sure. Gaviota urges her to accept. WTF??? Does Gav not know Kique’s rep? Has – no, never mind, Gaby’s a dunce. We’ll just roll with it. Gaby accepts, he kisses her hand and then looks back across the room at Luscious Larry. “See? I’m taking another of your women.” Larry’s pissed. Gaby looks guilt-stricken.

Diana hurries down the stairs. Camila and Silvia block her as she reaches the bottom step. Did Marfil catch her in Maxi’s bed? It wouldn’t surprise Diana if Camila had sent Marfil after her. As it happened, Camila did her a favor. Marfil was wracked with jealousy when she caught Max passionately kissing Diana. Enter Gaviota. Is Diana ready to go? She is – it smells a lot like garbage around here. Silvia calls her an estúpida. Exit Gav and Diana.

They don’t get very far. Marfil comes halfway down the stairs and announces to everyone that la mujer esa wants to steal her husband. She calls Our Heroine una cualquiera. Close-up of Diana looking pretty ticked. Midshot of Octavia, so bored she can’t even hold her head up, while Yolanda stands numbly beside her. Close-up of Gaviota fixing Marfil with a death stare. Midshot of those wacky funsters Camila, Bruna, and Silvia, sharing a “Ha-ha!” moment. Cut back to Gaviota and the girls. “Let’s go,” says Diana, and they head for the door. But Camila and Silvia have to get into the act again. Camila tells Diana she’s not leaving and Silvia pushes her. Diana grabs her by the wig and off it all comes, feathers, baubles, everything. Silvia is bald. Everyone is impactado. Except for Pilar’s cranky blonde friend in the leopard print sheath, who’s laughing at Silvia’s trauma. As she stands there clutching her bald head and crying “No! No!”, we get a series of close-ups: Bruna, aghast; Gaby, half-smiling; Octavia, sullen, and Yolanda, concerned; Marfil, poker-faced; Diana, also half-smiling.

Roll credits.

*Libertad Lamarque was Argentina’s “Reina del Tango” until 1945, when she allegedly bitch-slapped Eva Perón on the set of their one film together. Lamarque later denied slapping Evita and claimed that she wasn’t blackballed, but she spent most of the following six decades living and working in Mexico.

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