Caray, Caray!

I just found out that Don Loco's medical condition is for real so I did some digging and found an article about it and I translated it into English, I hope it makes sense because some of the words were hard to translate. In fairness to all sexes I tried to use he/she pronouns where possible, so if it sounds confusing in that aspect I apologize.


THE WEB OF PATHOLOGICAL JEALOUSY
Source: Newspaper El Pais, 01-03-99
ESTER RAMOS, Barcelona (01-03-99)

E.M.R., of 40 years, was arrested some weeks ago by attacking his wife, F.AND., with an ax when she was on her way out of his house, El Masnou ( Barcelona), accompanied by a friend that was going to take her to work. The cause: "A question of jealousy", the victim later said. F.E assured the police that that was the first time that his husband had violent attitudes toward her.

Fortunately, the aggression did not have irreversible consequences. But, in many cases, the tangle of jealousy traps its victims in such a way the ends in tragedy. And, in fact, the celotipia is one of the main causes of aggressions to the women, as verified by the Public Defender in its report : Domestic violence against women.

With a lot frequency, violence and jealousy are usually two sides of the same coin. The aggressor, affirms the report, is " deeply and pathologically jealous. It desires exclusiveness, wants to be the first one and the only one who gets the woman's attention. Because of this, a huge part of the acts of violence are initiated on the erroneous perception that she, his woman, can leave him". "For the violent man, each situation that he interprets as a challenge, he views it like the end of his being. It is then when over comes those states by way of violent acts", explains the study.

But celotipia is not only just in men. Jealous women exist also, although the main difference between men and jealous women would be the type of aggressiveness that each one practices based on the respective pathology. According to Ángeles Sanz, director of the department of sexual problems and of couples of the Center of Investigation and Behavior Therapy of Madrid, "the women celotípicas practice an aggressiveness sometimes based on contempt or ignorance, others in emotional blackmail toward the couple (for example, to threaten suicide); on the other hand, in the jealous men, besides this type of passive aggressiveness, they frequently use active aggressiveness, that is to say, aggressiveness that involves physical violence".

But what is jealousy and when do they become pathological? According to Sanz, "in every relationship there has to be and there is jealousy on the part of both. In relationships there exists a component of love, but also of obsession. And the problem, the pathology, appears when said obsession goes to such extremes that the jealous one interprets any conduct of his significant other as an attack". Every action is interpreted as a contradiction against him/her. "A phrase like, You look good today" would be interpreted by the jealous one like, Later, normally you don't think I look good."

Insecure and controller

Ramon Gaja, director of the Higher Institute of Psychological Studies of Barcelona, defines the profile of a celotípico as a person "of intrusive thoughts whose lives function on the possible infidelity of its significant other and that, in spite of being annoyed, at times he/she can even feel a certain pleasure thinking about that infidelity. Normally, they are insecure people, of very traditional thinking, of low self-esteem and, in many cases, with a very peculiar infancy". Sanz describes them as "controllers, irrational, alarmists and with zero capacity to objectify reality".

The celotípico magnifies, exaggerates. With his attitude he ends up conditioning all the movements of the significant other. And even the thoughts. "In cases of very exaggerated celotipia there is lack of medication. In others, it more psychotherapy is more efficient ", argues the psychologist. The therapy should be separate for the celotípico and its victim, since the first one, with its attitude, causes psychological conflicts in the second.

Once the diagnosis is done, the first step is that the jealous one must recognize his/her pathology. From here, the therapy is carried out separately: in the jealous one, by means of controlling his/her thoughts, and for the victim, with techniques that teach him/her not to continue the charade, because many times to avoid annoyance the lie results in a contrary purpose: raises suspicion, explains Sanz.

For the celotípico to come to recognize his/her pathology, it is of great aid to make him/her register their own behaviors and to verbalize them. At the same time, it is a matter of obtaining increased happiness day to day, since the jealous one wastes time in thinking what his significant other is doing, and if they are together, criticizing on what he/she is thinking. The second step to achieve is to admit the contradiction: that when the significant other rejects its pretensions, the exit is not an imposition, but simply a negation. [This sounds too technical so not sure what they are trying to say here]

Learn to say No

In the case of the victim, learning to say no is a matter of modifying attitude: " Never lie to the jealous one to avoid a conflict, the only thing that will happen is reinforce the obsession. The celotípicos ask and they control so much that almost always discover the deceit", points Sanz.

On the other hand, it impositions should be rejected, since the jealous one always interprets the results in a twisted way. "You should never let the jealous one impose his/her mandates, should not agree to the blackmail", indicates Sanz. "For example, if he does not want u to wear the miniskirt because you’ll attract the look of other men, to accept this imposition implies accepting his logic and to reinforce it".

After concluding the individual therapies phase, joint therapy should be done to readjust the relationship: thereby teaching communication and to resolve the situations of conflict. "When he/she arrives at this phase, the results of the therapy are very good. The problem is that it is socially acceptable that all we be a little jealous, and few couples recognize the pathology and they have to resort to a specialist", indicates Sanz.

18% of the couples that attend therapies in Cinteco represent as cause of its unhappiness the conflicts caused by jealousy. "In no culture does it exists to go to a psychologist for a problem of jealousy", corroborates Gaja. If there they were, many deaths and a lot of unhappiness would be avoided.