Caray, Caray!

Alicia is told that Marcia's been looking for her; Alicia goes into Marcia's office, and Martha wonders where Cornilocks got the phone. Lola guesses that it's from some poor idiot.

Marcia congratulates Alicia for thinking. Alicia says that Tomas admitted that he only said Aldo loved Lety in order to get Alicia to himself; Alicia is thrilled, but Marcia is disappointed because it means Aldo won't be keeping Lety away from Fern after all.

Next, Omar hides in the batcave and overhears Lety and Aldo talking about exercise and apples. (I'll irrelevantly add here that I love what everyone is wearing today.) I sure hope Aldo has nice breath, because their faces are awfully close. (I hope Lety has nice breath too, but Aldo's the one who's always leaning in.) He crowds her onto the desk, makes the "scary snicker" noise as previously described by Amanda, and takes his leave.

New stuff

Alicia sees that Aldo, the apple-polisher, has brought Lety more gifts, and questions Tomas again about their relationship, but he insists that there's nothing going on. This delights Alicia, who does him the great honor of kissing his cheek and then goes back to admiring her "engagement" photo.

Lety sets about working at her desk; Omar frets in the cave. Sara is looking for him; she checks in his office and then worries to the cuartel that she can't find him.

Meanwhile, Marcia asks Alicia to check on the tickets, passport, money, etc. for the trip; she's eager to get out of there. Fern's gone, and they'll both be back in 20 days, before the expo. She'll think things over during that time, and after the trip, she and Fern will figure out what to do, once and for all.

Alicia generously offers to accompany Marcia to London to help out... but then changes her mind. She doesn't want to be away from Aldo that long. Marcia says she needs Alicia to stay there, anyway. Alicia then generously offers to car-sit for Marcia. She says she deserves the loan of Marcia's car. Marcia says maybe, but asks Alicia to first do what she's been asked.

Alicia reminds Marcia of what a great friend she is. Marcia tells her that the company pays Alicia for her work. Alicia points out that she doesn't get paid to be Marcia's friend; her friendship is priceless. (Marcia diplomatically doesn't mention the many pesos Alicia already owes her.)

Alicia goes back into the Vortex of Stupidity and makes a great show of calling Papi to tell him that Marcia's going to let her borrow the car. With a nice car, she says, she'll be her old self again. She invites Papi to hand out her new phone number to all and sundry. She promises to call him back and stuffs the phone back into its holster (frankly I'm very surprised that there's room in there for a phone - even a small one).

Meanwhile, Lety is on the phone with the bank, saying she knows the interest is due on their loans. She is flustered when he tells her that the deadline is at noon. She prepares to call Tomas and tell him to hurry up, but is interrupted by PM, who asks if she's seen Omar. The cuartel saw him earlier, but now it's like he's fallen off the face of the earth. An important client is trying to get in touch with him.

At this perfect moment, Omar's cell phone rings. While he fumbles for his phone, Lety and PM wonder where the sound is coming from - PM thinks it's coming from the batcave. Omar answers the phones and the ringing stops. Lety says her phone doesn't sound like that, and PM says cell phones lately sound pretty weird. (It's true. I like a "ringtone" that sounds like a phone ringing, myself.) They dismiss this weird occurrence and Lety asks PM to find Tomas's cell number and call him for her.

The call to Omar is from Fern, who is still at the airport. Omar tries to hide under the not-very-soundproof desk and whispers that he's trapped in "Lety's office." (A sleeping woman I'll call Dot snuggles up to Fern while he talks.) Omar explains what has happened (and doesn't even flinch when he says "gargolita"). He didn't want Lety to catch him hiding photos of Fern's lovely snout all over the place. Fern is confused. Omar says it's so that Lety will be reminded of him all the time. Fern gets up from his seat and scolds Omar for his lack of creativity. He sits down again, almost on Dot's head, and she wakes with a start. Fern reminds Omar not to get caught. Nobody must find out what he's doing.

Omar tries to stand up, not realizing that there is a desk on top of him, and hits his head. PM and Lety hear. So does Fern, who is now letting Dot listen in on the call. Omar makes that little scream again, and Lety and PM go into the batcave to investigate. "Me? Here?" Omar asks, stalling for time. He says he was looking for some old documents among the archives. ("He couldn't come up with a better excuse?" Dot asks Fern in disgust.) Lety asks how long he's been in there. He says it's been a while, because he couldn't find them. Lety says she doesn't believe him - there are no papers in that room that would be useful to him. Then he comes up with another cockamamie excuse - that he was looking for Lety's father. He checks the desk drawers - nope, Erasmo's not there. He'll just have to talk to him later instead. He nervously excuses himself and leaves. PM and Lety wonder what Omar was up to.

And now for something completely different

Luigi is sooooooo happy to see Aldo. He comments on how nice Aldo looks in black. "Thank you very much, you too," Aldo replies. Luigi says he's not wearing black. Har, har, har. Aldo starts to explain/apologize about the mixup with the bear. Luigi would rather talk about Aldo's bruises from yesterday. Who's the savage bear who disfigured Aldo's gorgeous face? Aldo deflects the question and says he wants to talk about the commercials.

Luigi says he's going crazy. They're all in various stages of completion. Some still in design, others in preproduction, etc. But, see, he found this flower (it's one of those individually-wrapped roses that you can buy at the gas station on the way home from work), and he didn't know what to do with it, so he wants to give it to Aldo. Aldo thanks him for the pretty rose and says he's going to work on his book. "If you need me, call," he tells Luigi.

"I always need you, Aldo," Luigi says in Spanish. "I need you, guapo," he adds in mostly English.

Aldo takes a few steps towards Luigi, and I brace myself for a moment of truth. Finally, Aldo is going to explain to Luigi that he's interested in someone else, right?

Wrong. Aldo says "thank you for the flower, Luigi," and goes into his office. Um. Waaaay too subtle, Aldo!

"That wasn't a flower - it was a compliment," Luigi sighs to himself.

Back to the Vortex

Sara is trying to get Omar's client back on the phone, but the guy's cell phone is out of range. She notices the camera strap across Omar's neck - he has moved the camera so that it's hanging down his back, and it's making a huge lump under his jacket - and denies that there's anything strange, but says he wants to go outside because he feels like something's choking him! Sara worries that he will disappear on her again. He walks backwards out of the room so no one will notice the ginormous camera-lump under his jacket.

Lola gives Tomas's cell number to PM. PM dials the number from Lola's desk. Immediately, Alicia's boobs start ringing. Oh, wait, it's her phone. She answers. PM asks for Tomas. Alicia hangs up. PM seems confused. (Alicia's desk is maybe 15 feet away. Maybe. I don't think it's even that far.)

As Alicia struggles to wedge the phone back into her bodice, Lola, Sara, Martha, and PM combine their brainpower and figure out that it probably wasn't a coincidence that Alicia answered and hung up at the same time as Tomas's phone. Wow. What's next, cold fusion?

PM informs Lety of this incredible development. She says she tried to call Tomas, but a woman answered. Lety doesn't have a flashback, but she might be remembering the time that Tomas went out drinking with the HaHas and gave his previous cell phone to a cocktail waitress, and had to go out drinking again on the night of Lety's birthday party in order to get the waitress to pay for all the calls she'd made. (She didn't pay, but he won some money at bingo, so it turned out OK.)

And that's why my recaps are so long. I have flashbacks even when Fern and Lety don't. PM fills Lety in on the cuartel's theory.

Out in the Vortex, Marcia asks Alicia if she's completed her tasks yet. Alicia says she doesn't know who to ask for the tickets, etc. Marcia reminds her that Tomas is the person to ask, and her flight leaves at 7 that evening. Marcia is displeased that Tomas isn't around and tells Alicia to find him. After Marcia stomps out, Alicia harasses Lola about Tomas's whereabouts. (Martha hisses at Alicia, and Alicia asks if she's deflating.) Lola offers to call Tomas's cell phone. Alicia backs off.

Lety and PM step into the Vortex with Lety's phone. Lety dials.

Alicia (facing away from Lety): Hello? Yes?
Lety: Tomas Mora?
Alicia: He's not here, this isn't - uh - who's calling?
Lety (hanging up walking towards Alicia): It's LETICIA PADILLA SOLIS!

Ah, the look of horror on Alicia's face.

In Lety's shiny new Bored

Tomas stops at a traffic light and pulls out his photo of Alicia. He explains to the photo why he couldn't tell her the truth about Aldo being in love with Lety. He feels badly that this is going to hurt her. He marvels at Lety's luck and wonders why he can't have the same kind of luck. He admits he's as ugly as Lety, but more likeable. He giggles. Good, no self-esteem issues there!

That's it for Tomas in the car. For the life of me I don't know why they bothered with the expense of such a pointless location shot. Perhaps it was part of a longer scene showing off the beauty of the practical, affordable, yet sporty and luxurious Bored.

Back to the Vortex - no one can escape!

Lety asks Alicia what she's doing with Tomas's phone. Marcia shows up and grumpily asks Lety when Tomas is coming back. Lety says she's looking for him too. Marcia wants her plane tickets and such. Lety says Tomas let someone borrow his phone. Marcia angrily says that the whole company is paralyzed because Tomas lent his phone. Lety asks Alicia to tell Marc where the phone is. Alicia plucks the phone out of her top - it's about ready to fall out on its own anyway - and "explains" that she's borrowing it from Tomas.

With grim satisfaction, Lety informs Marcia that the whole company is paralyzed because Miss Ferreira borrowed Tomas's phone. She asks Alicia to give Tomas's phone back when he returns so the company can resume its functions. She goes back to her own office.

Marcia complains to Alicia that she can't stand Lety. She thinks she owns the place! (She does!) Alicia tells Marcia that she came on a bit strong, too. Marcia teases Alicia about Tomas being her ex-lover. The cuartel leans forward to hear better as Alicia denies that Tomas was ever her lover. "So what was he, your sweaty handyman?" Marcia says (I think). Alicia claims it was just a screw-up on her part. Marcia says if she hates him so much, why did she ask him for his phone? (Martha and/or Sara fall over their desks trying to hear.) Alicia insists that he offered it to her; she never asked. He gave it to her. Marcia scolds her for not having any dignity. Alicia says she'd rather be without dignity than be without a phone.

Based on what they've overheard, the geniuses of the cuartel are even more sure than ever that Tomas and Cornilocks were lovers.

Marcia stalks off towards Lety's office, while the cuartel wonder if they're going to fight. Huh, ya think?

Tomas enters the Vortex just as Marcia leaves. The cuartel greets him excitedly, and he thinks they're admiring his New Look. They advise him that Lety's looking for him. Alicia mentions that Marcia's looking for him too, and she's very annoyed. She pulls Tomas aside and tells him that Lety found out about the phone. Tomas insists that she keep it. She seems so happy that he expects another kiss, but she waves him away, saying that Lety's waiting, but he hints to her that he's going to stop in his own office first. (Amazingly, she doesn't follow him there to express her gratitude.)

Alone in her office, Lety observes that the Monster Ladyparts Seashell of Doom hasn't been turned over in a while. She meditates on that for a bit until Marcia comes along to ask for something. "I have it here," Lety says, opening a folder - but inside that folder is a copy of the Fern photo with Marcia's arm. Lety slams the folder shut and thought-bubbles that she's sure now why Omar was hiding in her old office.

Marcia is yelling at her that Tomas has disappeared and she's not going to be able to make her trip to London. (So... I guess there's only one flight from Mexico to London per month. How unfortunate.) "Do you think this is a game?" Marcia asks. Sheesh, what a grouch! She says that Lety and Aldo came up with this trip to get rid of her and now she has to beg for her ticket and money! Lety says it's not a game and Marcia doesn't have to beg, but neither can she come strolling into Lety's office demanding the tickets when she doesn't have them.

Marcia then begins a sarcastic rant about "your office" and how, thanks to the liens, she's now the owner, soul, and mistress of Conceptos. Lety tells her that every time she has to leave Conceptos and come back, she likes it less. It's like being surrounded by enemies.

Marcia says it's all Lety's fault, and she's resentful and vengeful, and the only thing she wants is to take Fern.

Lety tries to tell Marcia that she's been very correct with Fern, when Marcia spies a copy of the photo in Lety's in-box. She demands an explanation, but proceeds to give that explanation herself: "I recognize this. I was in this photo and you copied it and cut me out of it. This is the limit. Do you want my wedding dress too? And I can also give you the wedding gifts that I haven't returned yet."

Lety denies all of this and asks why she would want a photo of Fernando. "You tell me," Marcia answers, and she looks like she's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. (Tomas watches nervously from the doorway.) Lety says she suspects Omar. Marcia finds this charge laughable. Lety insists that she doesn't want to hear about Fern, talk about him, see him, etc.

Marcia says she doesn't believe her. Lety says that's Marcia's problem, but since they hate each other so much, Marcia can keep the company, and Lety will leave.

Marcia says "Excellent." Tomas interrupts and tells them he went to the bank, made their interest payments, and took care of things for Marcia's trip. It's ready now and she can have them at any time. He begs Lety not to resign and reminds her of her obligations. He rehashes them for our mutual convenience, taking a lot of the wind out of Marcia's sails, and reminds both women that they need to work together. Marcia agrees and says she can't wait to be done with this hell. Lety says she wants the same thing.

In a much more civil tone, Marcia asks Lety if she thinks they'll really be able to pay their debts on time. Lety says she's trying to do the impossible. Marcia says something about returning in 20 days and she and Lety won't have to share... (Lety gives her a funny look) ...an office. Lety says she would love not to have to come in and see her, too.

Marcia gives her a radiantly sarcastic smile and leaves. In the Vortex, inspiration strikes (Marcia seems uniquely unaffected by its stupidity rays) and she makes a detour to Omar's office, where a quick search reveals a folder containing the cut photo and several copies of the Fernando half. Marcia vows to pluck out his eyeballs.

She asks Sara where Omar went. Sara says he went outside for some air. He was (she mimics him) "choking." "Choking? And he hasn't even run into me yet." She asks what time he arrived this morning. Sara says he got there at 8, which is early for him, and was using the copy machine.

Back in the Monster Ladyparts etc. grotto

Lety shows Tomas the copied half-photo. "I'm sure it was Omar," she tells him. Marcia bursts in, a cyclone of rage. "I want to get as far away from Omar as possible!" She rifles through Lety's things wanting to know if there are more photos. Lety talks her down and says she's just glad Marcia understands that it wasn't Lety's doing. Tomas is aghast at Omar's prank. Marcia asks if Lety knows anything else about this. Lety says she didn't see Omar do it, but he had been hiding in the batcave.

"Fantastic! Marvelous!" And with that, Marcia turns on her heel and marches out of Lety's office.

Funny, I don't recall hearing an "I'm sorry I accused you of stalking my ex-fiance who loves you and hates me," but perhaps that will come later. ;-)

Lety pulls Tomas's ear and yells at him for letting Alicia have the phone. She demands that he take it back from her. He begs her not to make him do that. He tells her not to worry - he'll pay the bill. Lety warns him that she can get more use out of that phone in three days than normal people would in a month (something like that, I think). He promises that he knows what he's doing.

Lety finds another copy of the Fern half-photo and is bummed. Tomas reminds her that Aldo loves her. Lety promises she will dedicate the next 20 days to forgetting Fernando, but Tomas worries that she'll want to throw herself into his arms the minute he gets back.

Steam is still coming out of Marcia's ears when she re-enters the Vortex. Alicia wants to know what happened. "If you want to know, try asking Omar," Marcia retorts, on her way someplace else. Alicia complains about her bad friend.

Omar comes back from "taking air," and Alicia immediately attempts to pump him for information as to why Marcia is so angry. He doesn't know. He asks Sara about that client. Alicia continues pestering him, saying that Marcia has to be in a good mood so she'll let Alicia borrow her car. Sara tells Omar the client is away at a golf tournament someplace and can't come in to sign the contract. They discuss (joke?) that Sara should deliver the contract to the client.

Aldo on the phone

Aldo's on the phone with Gil, telling him how well things are going. Luigi comes in to talk about the commercials and the expo. Aldo notes that it's a lot of work. Luigi says that being with Aldo turns work into nirvanalike pleasure.

Later, he tells Aldo that he'll take charge of the choreography of the big show at the expo, and Aldo will be in charge of the banquet. Aldo wants to include a tribute to mole (I hope he's talking about the buffet and not the big show). Luigi loves the idea. Aldo wants to serve the 12 main kinds of mole, four of which he's never made himself. Luigi wonders how Aldo will pull this off. Aldo says he knows someone who can supply the necessary recipe. Luigi wants to know who is the great chef whose recipes are good enough for Aldo. Aldo says he'll tell Luigi later.

I think we all know who this great chef is! Her most devoted consumers are Tomas and Moty!

Nueva York

At Yankee Stadium, if the Yankees win, they play the Frank Sinatra version of "New York, New York" at the end of the game. If the Yankees lose, they play the Liza Minnelli version instead. I know this sounds like the kind of thing I would make up, but it's true.

Anyway. In the short amount of time that Omar was getting air outside, Fern managed to get on a plane, fly to New York, go through Customs, and start walking around the city, complaining of the cold. His phone rings - it's Marcia. "Tell me one thing," she demands. (He is not thrilled that the first thing he hears in New York City is Marcia's voice.) "Hi Marcia!" he answers her cheerily.

"Did you order your little friend to put a photo in Lety's office?" And with that, Marcia nips Operation Aldon't in the bud.

---

Mañana
Fernando acquires another admirer.

insult of the day
pelos de elote=Cornilocks. Because "pelos de oro" would be "locks of gold," or Goldilocks; "pelos de elote" is "locks of corn." How sweet it is!

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