Caray, Caray!

In the barn Soledad is doing some ugly crying, blaming herself for Elias getting shot. I agree, Soledad, it is totally your fault. If you didn’t keep recapturing YOURSELF until they got smart enough to lock your escape hatch this wouldn’t have happened. She roams around the barn yelling and screaming about it. Whatever. It’s her own fault, I feel no pity.

Rosita tells Alina that she (Rosita) has a problem too. In typical woman fashion (sorry ladies but as best I can tell, this is a total woman move) Rosita says he has a problem and in the next breath tries to say “never mind, don’t worry about it, no big deal.” It usually goes like this – Woman: “Siiiiggghhh.” Poor unsuspecting man: “Something wrong?” Woman: “No, nothing, never mind.” Man: “Oh, ok.” Woman: kills man for not seeing through her little scheme and begging to know what’s wrong. The end. Anyway, Rosita tries to pull this on Alina, but Alina falls for it and pushes to get some info. Rosita 1, Alina 0. Alina fell right into her little pity party snare. Rosita says Santos is off doing something else, she’ll handle whatever it is herself. She tells Alina to have faith, Alina ponders the nature of faith.

Oh we’ve been waiting for this! Don Loco is making out with Alfonsina and sees a vision of Soledad over her shoulder. I had to rewind, yes it’s true, Alfonsina was sliding down to get on her knees when Don Loco sees Ghost Soledad. That’s a bit racy for this show, huh? Is he about to feel some guilt? Wouldn’t that be something! Ghost Soledad just gives him a dirty look, shakes her head, and disappears again. Don Loco pulls Alfonsina back up to her feet, she is confused. I can understand why, it’s probably the first time in history a man has stopped a woman from doing THAT. I would think it would take like a hurricane, earthquake, something more than a guilty vision of Soledad. Who are we to understand the ways of Don Loco.

Coral is talking to some old guy, she says she’s dancing in some place and she wants him to come see her. He says his health isn’t good so who knows. But he has a question, will she marry him? After him saying he’s not healthy enough to go see her dance, I would expect the answer to be no. Coral squinches up her face as if to say, “WTF?”

Mexico City – Mariana is grunting. Dr. Love enters and Malena asks when she’ll get better. Dr. Love says soon, Mariana is strong, etc etc. Malena accepts this as the word of God and says, “You hear? You’re going to recover! You have to!” Mariana just makes noises and bugs her eyes out. Maybe she is thinking “This asshole lied to me about Marianita’s chances of recovery, don’t you think he might be painting an extra rosy picture here too?” Malena, of course, believes that Dr. Love knows all and is all. Something about Mariana and her new bugeyes remind me of Rachel Dratch of Saturday Night Live:

That’s what Mariana looks like now, right? Anyway, she doesn’t seem to be buying Dr. Love’s statement.

The guy with Coral is named Celso, but I still don’t know who he is. She thinks she didn’t hear him right, he says yes, he wants to marry her. He gives her some story about coming here every day and finally one day he saw her, what he was looking for. Also, he’s dying. She says everyone dies, he says no, he’s dying, like right now he is actually in the process of dying. How is this supposed to make her want to marry him? No idea.

Rosita’s father gives Santos’s hottie mom a cup of coffee and does a great job of not staring at her chest. Hottie mom is wearing a shirt with (for her) a high neckline, first time I’ve seen that. Rosita comes in and Braulio leaves the women alone to talk. Rosita tells hottie mom that she can relax, she told Santos they won’t get married. Hottie mom says she was wrong before, she came her to tell Rosita that she wants Rosita and Santos to get married, they love each other, hottie mom had no right to interfere. How many times is this wedding going to be on/off? Let’s see – Santos demands to marry immediately, Rosita says no. So that’s an off, without ever having been on officially I think. Santos finally comes back after the rape and it’s on again. Then Rosita told him it was off. Now it’s about to be on again. Cripes. Rosita may be thinking what I’m thinking, she doesn’t look like she wants to go right back to Santos and say “Uh, about what I said like five minutes ago, never mind. Heh heh.”

Old guy Celso keeps going on and on about dying and marrying Coral. She tries to let him down easy, but he cuts her off and says she can answer later.

Angel coughs. Surprisingly, I have had to wait for a long time to write that again. What a great name for a book, show, movie, whatever. Angel coughs. He is looking at the church, Emilioooo asks him if he wants to go get something to eat, Angel says no. He wants to go pray for his own health, newly pious Emiliooo is of course all about praying now so he agrees.

Vera tells Alina that it will all work out. Careful Alina, that’s what people say when they don’t really believe it. Thelma busts in and kicks Vera out of the room, telling Alina “You and I are now alone.”

Angel and Emiliooo pray. You can guess what about, same old stuff. Health and Alina.

Thelma teases Alina about how all her protectors have left the house. She says that Emiliooo told her before he left that he didn’t want to be with Alina anymore. “That’s what he told you too, right?” Alina tries to ignore her but Thelma grabs her and says she has to look her in the eye when she’s talking. Alina says don’t worry, she’s getting out of here anyway. Thelma says where are you going, back to the cave? Maybe the whorehouse? Maybe to have an aventure with a caporal, like your mother? Alina slaps her pretty good and hard across the face, Thelma calls her estupida, so Alina smacks her again. Wow that was pretty cool. Alina the mouse actually let something out. I rewound it to watch again, Alina hit her first with a left, then with a right. Awesome. It’s about time. Well, I’m sure in five minutes she’ll be whining and crying again, telling herself that she has to forget Emilioooo and how Angel is such a great guy but she doesn’t like him ‘that way.’ After smacking Thelma around, she tells her “You better watch what you say.” Thelma actually looks a little scared. I expected her to look at Alina with unbridled rage, then whip out a bat and go DeNiro on her, but she actually looked scared. I guess she was expecting Alina the mouse as well.

Commercial – I have never watched ‘Asi es la Vida’; my wife says it’s just week after week of stories of people cheating on each other, so I’m not interested in that. However – I LOVE the commercials. Every one is full of bikini/underwear babes. Every single one. Today’s commercial even had a 4-5 woman swimsuit car wash thing. These commercials are great. Then later the same break, there is a commercial for a phone number to call and pay per minute to hear celebrity gossip. What? All 250 gossip rags won’t satisfy some people? You have to pay .99 a minute (or whatever it costs) just to hear random gossip about random people?

Alina tells Thelma that she told her before not to diss her mama, well she backed that up. Good for her. I won’t call her stupid for the rest of this recap in honor of her smacking up Thelma. Thelma tells her that she’s going to pay dearly. In fact, Alina won’t leave, she will stay and work off what she owes Thelma (how do you calculate how much work equals two awesome smacks in the face?). Thelma swears, over and over, that Alina will be sorry.

Rosita is sweeping and sees something in the shadows, she freaks out and wants to know who it is. It’s Santos, he apologizes for scaring her. He still wants to marry her, she tells him that he’s so good with her, but she won’t cave in and just say yes. Santos has to resort to begging, she finally says yes and they start kissing. Just then Max rides up, looking extra evil with a smoke in his mouth, and says “Ah, how sweet you look, too bad it’s for such a short time.” Santos and Rosita are impactados. Has anyone else noticed how Rosita has a permanent furrow in her brow like she’s worried? Even when she’s smiling, she has half a worried face going on.

Gasca/New Hugo is now the one making out with Alfonsina. Do you think this actress sees some of the younger, hunkier guys on the show and then realizes that the ones she gets to make out with are Don Loco and Gasca? Do you think she fired her agent over that? It would be like (to make it relevant I’ll use a good example for you ladies) Guy Ecker being on this show and only getting love scenes with the crazy Singing Aunt and Adela. Alfonsina tells Gasca that Don Loco is sick and can’t forget about Soledad. Gasca starts talking about how she can take a little bit of the massive amounts of money Don Loco has, Alfonsina says to just leave it to her.

Santos tells Max that he and Rosita are getting married, Max can’t do anything about it. Max says be careful, you might have an accident! Rosita tells Max she remembers what he did to her, and mentions how she left a cut on his chest. Max says she should keep her mouth closed. I see now how the truth can come out. It will take months, but it will come out.

Alina talks to Donkey, she wants him to stay with her tonight, she’s scared of Thelma. Oh jeez here we go again. “I have to stay here for my mom.” These two women have not escaped a total of 23948 times because they ‘have to stay for mom/Alina.’ I said I wouldn’t call Alina stupid today but does she have to test me like this? In the next breath, she says she needs to get far away. So are you going to go or not?

Luba and Gaspar are walking, she is ragging on him about everything, they find Elias laying apparently dead by the path. Carmel, good one yesterday saying that Luba could fix him right up, well here she is! How fortunate! Gaspar tries to touch him and Luba smacks his hand away. Is she trying to preserve the crime scene until Horatio gets here to dramatically take off his shades and say, “Looks like he took…a SHOT.”

Rosita’s dad is glad that Santos and Rosita are getting married, the couple looks at each other with googly eyes. The couple is going to leave this place, her father is going to stay here. Rosita then tells Santos that with everyone gone, now is their chance to help Alina escape.

Gaspar starts yelling that Elias is dead. Luba says he’s moving, he’s alive, Gaspar picks him up to carry him back to the cave.

Alina talks to Donkey some more. She says she needs to escape on her own, not wait for someone else. How sensible! She makes plans for about 2 seconds, then gives up because she doesn’t have any help or money. Someone turns the doorknob, Alina looks back but we don’t see who it is.

Don Loco has a drink and talks to himself. Blah blah Soledad blah blah. He throws his glass down on the floor and shatters it.

Thelma rants to her singing aunt about Alina. Thelma vows to humiliate Alina. SA tells her to be careful, because Emiliooo… Thelma screams at her that Emilioooo isn’t here! I get the feeling that Thelma said something stronger than that she was going to humiliate Alina but I’m not sure what exactly.

Emiliooo stands and watches Ifgenia (-a? that’s what the captions have) load their stuff into a taxi. They had to come this far to catch a cab. If the haciendas are so remote and there are no decent roads, how did those houses get built? Ifgenia finishes loading the car and asks Emiliooo how long he will be gone, Emilioooo says it could be weeks or months. Emilioooo dramatically takes out he heart necklace and looks at it, and says “Goodbye Alina.”

Donkey is barking his head off at Orlando, who apologizes for not knocking. He says Emiliooo left him in charge of Alina, she can count on him for whatever she may need. Stup- argh Ican’t call her that today--- Alina is still falling for his nice guy act. She tells him she doesn’t need anything, he’s being really pushy. She says no, nothing, I’m fine, leave me alone already, but thanks for the attention. He reminds her again, for some reason, that he’s there to help her with whatever she needs. He wants to be friends. He leaves. Stu-DAMMIT WHY MUST SHE TEST ME--- Alina thought bubbles “Will he REALLY help me with anything I need?”

Rosita, Santos, and Vera are begging Mexican Larry for help in setting Alina free. He is worried about what will happen when Emilioooo returns. Even Vera tells him that they can’t leave Alina here with Thelma. Mexican Larry finally says ok and asks about their plans. They seem to have worked out the plan between Rosita’s house and here, they are going to do it all tonight, and Soledad will get sprung free too.

Mariana Dratch bugeyes and twitches. Dr. Love has a ball in her hand, or is it a new red clown nose? He says on the count of three, squeeze. He counts to three and nothing happens, he closes her hand around the ball himself. Mariana thought bubbles about how she can’t move anything, she’s pissed off about everything. Well, I can understand that, but she only has herself to blame for the paralysis part. She asks herself, “Where is Jose?” How very nice of both Malena and Dr. Love to not tell her that Jose was here!

Some guy named Lucas says Celso is loco, but she should marry him anyway, for the money. Maybe change her name to Anna Nicole then too?

Gasca is tired of taking care of what isn’t his. He looks at a big portrait of Don Loco on the wall and says nasty things to him. Why is there a big picture of Don Loco on the wall? What the hell? Gasca issues all sorts of threats to the air, then we hear, “Talking to yourself, Hugo?” Don Loco was standing there in the room right behind him!

Two highway guys are at Elias’s house, trying to figure out where he is.

Alina skulks around the house looking for help to escape. How about the front door? Vera finds her and takes her to her room to talk.

Don Loco sweats Gasca a bit. DL says he heard Gasca send him a blessing, thanks for that. Gasca thinks he got away with it and says Don Loco has been more than just a boss to him, so of course. He tries to make small talk, Don Loco looks constipated as usual. DL starts talking about how awesome his romps with Alfonsina are, Gasca sweats and twitches. DL goes on and on and on, she would drive a man crazy, no? He really lays it on, Gasca tries to keep himself together.

The doctor is in the cave, he pulls out the bullet from Elias’s shoulder and Luba covers the wound. The doctor says Luba’s herbs are enough to heal him, he has seen them work before. He just wonders who shot him. Gaspar says there are bad people around here, Luba says she knows that whoever shot him was from the house of Montellano. The doctor needlessly warns her against messing with those people. Luba tells Gaspar that her worry is that Soledad is still in the hands of Don Loco. She goes to find out more, leaving Gaspar in charge of Elias. Luba goes and touches the mysterious box before leaving. She is barely out the door when Gaspar runs over to look at the box, he says now he’s going to see what’s in there.

Vera tells Alina that everything is ready to get her out of there. She asks, what about my mom? Vera says not yet, they’ll get Alina out first, then figure something out for Soledad. Alina accepts that, but of course later on, when she’s finally free, she’ll change her mind and come back to jail, “I can’t leave my mom there.” Alina tries to asks about details, Vera tells her she has it under control.

Soledad pouts and feels sorry for herself. She whines that if she died it would be ok, but not Elias. Well, dumbass, it’s your fault, pray all you want.

Gaspar makes to open the box. Suddenly he stops, realizing that his mother would kill him if he opened it He puts it back. Sometimes ol’ Gaspar thinks better than he realizes.

Adela is riled up, she is talking to who I assume is the new Nora. I miss the old Nora, this one isn’t as pretty. Oh well. Adela gets herself all fired up to go sic the cops on Sergio, but Sergio himself shows up just in time to stop her from leaving. She claims that she just needs to go out for some air. Sergio doesn’t believe her (duh). He threatens Adela, Nora pulls her free and the women leave the room. Sergio grumbles to the empty room about what he has gotten himself into.

Thelma is in the stable, she finds a nice riding crop, I expect that she’s going to try and whip Alina with it. Wait, there is a bunkbed there, is this a servant’s quarters or something? Whatever, Thelma starts practicing, whipping the hell out of the bed with the crop. Castulo, conveniently shirtless, happens to wander by and grabs her to stop her. She smacks him to get free but he doesn’t let her go. She makes threats about something, then we hear a voice calling for Castulo. Castulo says it’s Don Max. He puts his hand over Thelma’s mouth to keep her quiet, he says he’ll take care of it. I’m confused. It’s not like he kidnapped Thelma and brought her here or anything, what’s with the mystery?

Sergio is riding his horse, he stops and ties it to a tree. He takes a shovel and walks over to where he left Elias, but of course there’s nothing there. He freaks out. Where did the rug go? Did some wild animals drag it off to decorate their cave?

Ah, this must be Castulo’s room, it looks different than what I remember. Thelma is hiding behind a door while Castulo acts casual outside. Now I understand why Castulo didn’t want Max to know she was here. Max asks the obvious question, why don’t you have a shirt on? Castulo says it’s hot. Max tells him to put on a shirt, then do some other stuff, yada yada, Castulo stands up and shows off his nice fingernail scratch scars, right across his chest. Don Max is impactado, he stares at Castulo’s chest and thought bubbles what Rosita told him earlier about leaving a cut on her attacker. Castulo, on the other hand, might be thinking “Why is he looking at me that way? AH! THAT’S why never got married!” They continue to stand there like a couple of pendejos as we go to commercial.

Don Max asks him how he got cut on the chest. Castulo says something about a horse, Max grabs him by the neck and accuses him of being the rapist. Castulo says nothing, behind the door Thelma is getting an earful. She doesn’t look quite as impactada as I would have imagined, perhaps the fact that she had sex with Gaspar, tried to kill Angel (more than once), and is planning to horsewhip Alina keeps her from being shocked by this sort of thing.

Luba visits Soledad, talking to her through a window of the barn. Soledad tells Luba that Sergio shot Elias, Luba says Sergio is the dirty rotten scoundrel who did this? Soledad is confused, she doesn’t know how Luba knows anything about it. Also – this window has crossbars made of balsa wood. Elias couldn’t have attached THAT with his mighty +1 pickaxe of excellent escaping? No, he has to go after the one part of the barn made of steel. Soledad herself could just kick out this window and be on her way. Oh wait, I forgot – she doesn’t want to escape, she has SESID. Luba tells Soledad that Elias is still alive and is in the cave. Soledad begs her to save him. Luba says she will.

Don Max beats up Castulo. Max hits and kicks him, yelling that he knew that Rosita was the girl he liked and then he did that. Maybe that is our motive – Castulo wanted to stick it to Don Max, so he raped the girl he liked. Castulo tries to say he didn’t do it, but Max tells him to leave and never come back. Max leaves. Thelma slaps the crop against Castulo’s neck and says that now she has something on him, so he can forget the jewels. I guess she was going to pay him blackmail, now she doesn’t have to. She tells him to leave, adding “me das asco.”

Emiliooo and Angel are back in their own house in Puebla. Angel says he wants to go to bed so he can call the doctor early to see if he can get an appointment. He wants to get better as fast as possible so he can go back to La Rinconada and ask Alina to marry him. Snoooorrrre. This part of the story has gotten way lame. Let’s get back to the lying and blackmail, that was much more interesting. If you can’t tell, I hate the show much less today, at least until we get 30 seconds of people moping about Alina, then I hate it fully once again. I appreciated the break though. Anyway, after Angel said that, Emiliooo huffs that he’s going to put away the luggage. Angel says you look so serious, what’s the deal? HELLO you idiot you keep going on about marrying Alina, even though all the men in SE get hot in the pants at the mention of her name. Haven’t you figured that out yet? Well, this is the same guy who doesn’t seem to figure out that his sexy nurse comes to work every day one step away from naked just for him. He’s an idiot. Emiliooo comes back into the room like he’s going to answer Angel’s question, but he doesn’t, he just stands there with the same look he always has.

Don Max grumbles about Castulo. Mexican Larry walks up leading a horse, he claims to be taking out the trash. Max says the women do that, ML says Vera’s back hurts. He talks way too much, a sure sign of lying. Max looks suspicious but leaves Mexican Larry to take care of his business. Max grumbles that everyone is useless. After he leaves, Donkey starts barking from the wagon behind the horse (I guess he’s the garbage) and ML whispers for him to be quiet.

Thelma, still with the riding crop, is back in her room scheming with Singing Aunt. She’s going to move Alina back to slave quarters. SA doesn’t want to be part of it, but Thelma tells her to come.

Mexican Larry walks the horse and wagon down the path in the dark. He calls for Santos, who tells Alina they are finally leaving. When there is light on the wagon again, we see Alina and Santos riding in the wagon too, all smiles.

Thelma enters Alina’s room, which is empty. She still has the riding crop, ready for some whipping. She whips the empty bed out of frustration since Alina isn’t there.

Angel asks Emilioooo again what his problem is, Emilioooo tells him that he doesn’t want to talk about Alina, so eat your dinner and go to sleep. After Emiliooo leaves Angel says he hopes that Emilioooo and Alina forget about each other. If he hadn’t apparently grown up so sheltered, he’d realize how stupid that sounds.

Thelma whines and worries about the fact that Alina escaped. She screams for the servants and demands to know where Alina is. They play innocent, she doesn’t buy it. Orlando manages to show up too. Thelma tells Vera to get everyone together, Vera runs off to comply. Thelma tells Orlando that if anyone helped Alina escape, they will be sorry.

We finally get to see Coral in action a little bit. Only about 3 seconds, but still. After she dances, she tells Viejo Celso that she will marry him. Is she really in it for the money? I don’t remember hearing about when this story started, I don’t know what’s going on. Celso says that after this he can go in peace. Does he feel bad? No, he says he feels fine. This guy is morbid.

Everyone is together in the living room trying to figure out how Alina escaped. Max says that he was by the door a long time, the only person he saw was Mexican Larry taking out the trash. None of these fools puts two and two together. Orlando says, “where can she be?”

The escapees find a campsite where they will leave Alina. She’s worried that she won’t be safe there, but Santos will stay with her. Here we go – she starts going on about trying to find her mom. I told you all, I told you.

Soledad prays for Elias’s life, Sergio busts into the barn and says he just wants to know if Elias came to see her.

Gaspar gives Elias something to drink, Elias has a fever. Elias starts mumbling something about Soledad and Elias.

Mexican Larry and Santos convince Alina to stay in the cave, even she is starting all her crap about going back for her mother again. Santos goes outside to stand guard.

Sergio demands the truth. Soledad says how can he ask that, Elias is dead, by him! Sergio says he was mistaken, he didn’t kill him. Soledad asks what? Sergio says never mind, whatever, but if Elias is around when Don Loco returns, DL will kill him.

Don Loco smokes after a romp with Alfonsina. She compliments him on being such a tiger. He questions her about being with other men, she denies it. He asks her if she wants to come back to SE with him. The doorknob of their room rattles a bit. Don Loco asks her if there is someone else in the house. Who else has keys, who would be here this late? Alfonsina gets a little impactado.

Monday – Don Loco shoots somebody. I’m sure we’re supposed to think it is Gasca/New Hugo, but we’ll see.

Labels: duelo

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