Caray, Caray!

In case you missed the drama from yesterday's episode, the show begins with Diana and Mojo Max joined in a lip lock on the floor. Camila is not happy about this turn of events and tries to break up our hero and heroine. Max finally gets up and actually has a smirk on his face. He tells Camila what she saw was just a happy accident. Camila wants to leave this little soiree, but Max won't hear of it. He tells Camila she can go if she wants, but he's staying! I noted he still has that smirk on his face. Camila starts making a scene until Emili-Oh tells her to put a lid on it. Dimwit Diana, tells Alvaro "He kissed me!!!" As Nina has pointed out, Diana didn't seem to be pushing him away. Diana refers to Max as a cretin. Gaby is hysterical. What if Diego sees that picture in the newspaper?! Alvaro, ever the gentleman, wants to know if he can toss Max out, but Diana doesn't want a scandal. Um, I think it's a little late to be thinking along those lines right now.

Yolanda is still confronting Pillow. Yolanda wants to know if Gaby really pushed Pillow down the stairs, or if Pillow is using this as a ploy to turn Lunkhead against Little Doormat. Pillow immediately gets defensive. "How can you even think that! Why are you defending that servant! Why are you against me?!" Yada, yada, yada. Big Doormat stays calm and basically says Gaby is too innocent to try to kill her and the baby. Pillow screams at her to get out. Yolanda reminds Pillow that if she had to choose who was more credible, Gaby or Pillow, it would most certainly be Gaby. "Have you forgotten you left my nephew at the altar when you ran off with another man?" As far as Pillow is concerned, that point is moot. More hysteria and "Largates!!!" until Yolanda walks out. Pillow then sits in her bed channeling Regan from the Exorcist. I kept expecting her head to swivel. She certainly had the other mannerisms down pat, including the drooling, eyes rolled back, and the shakes. Pillow is mad!

Outside Pillow's room, Limpid approaches Big Doormat. Big Doormat tells him she believes Pillow is deceiving him. The Orchestra of Doom lets out a crash as Limpid is, well, trying to mull over what his tia is telling him. The tricycle is in overdrive.

Cruella is in an office at Perfumes 'R Us talking to herself. I couldn't find the meaning of the word atarantada. Suffice it to say she's lamenting the fact she just wanted to come to the party to have a good time, but she walked into an earthquake. Camila comes barging into the room and is blaming Cruella for all the evils in the world. The scene is actually pretty funny and Camila chases Sylvie around the conference table, threatening to blacken Sylvie's other eye. Another black eye would certainly match her black and white ensemble, which includes what looks like a black and white dust mitt as a top, a Cruella Deville wig, white go-go boots, the Dalmatian puppy purse, and black and white striped hose. Definitely a man-magnet. All I can think about is that childhood song, "Round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel" Actually, the weasel is chasing the monkey. . .

Camila joins Max back at the fiesta. Max is talking to Emili-Oh and still gloating about what happened. Camila is not having a good night. Max calls her his watch dog, and she replies "You're dang right! A dangerous Doberman with fangs!"

Diana is in the other corner of the ring with her posse, Caramel and Gaby. Diana is fuming that Max had the audacity to bring Camila. Gaby asks if Diana is jealous. Caramel tells Diana to calm down and put a smile on her face, "You don't want Max to know how you feel." Diana puts a fake smile on her face while she's whining to Gaby and Caramel. Two slimy lechers walk up and start hitting on Diana. She starts flirting with them and asking if they're reporters. Nope. They are execs from a rival perfume company. They didn't realize the prez was such a babe. Diana is eating up all their cheesy lines. Diana suggests their companies can merge so they can all work together. Now it's Max's turn to get jealous and put on his best lemon-sucking face.

Yolanda is telling Larry to give Gaby the benefit of the doubt and investigate. Big Doormat reminds him of all the evil things Pillow has done in the past. Apparently Larry's little brain cells have completed a data dump of those old memories.

Meanwhile, back at the "cocktail party," Diana is wheeling and dealing with Fric and Frac. Cruella keeps walking back and forth behind the slime balls, checking them out from behind. The camera pans for a second on Diana, and when it returns to the Hardy Boys, Cruella has vanished into thin air. Now you see her, now you don't. Any way, Alvaro walks onto the set and says he'd like to steal 'this beautiful woman' for a moment. Diana and Alvaro discuss what a success the party has been. I wasn't paying much attention to them, since Camila is draped all over Max and making all sorts of faces in the background. Camila is certainly more amusing than the platitudes being exchanged between Avarice and Dimwit.

Caramel and Emili-Oh are talking about all the guys flocking around Diana and that Max looks like he's going to explode. The camera keeps bouncing among a flirtatious Dimwit with Avarice, Caramel and Emili-Oh, and Max with Camila. You can just tell the party is building towards a climax.

Pancho is laying in his bed, frustrated with the disappointing turn of events this evening. Lala walks in and the conversation turns to Peyote and her drug habit. We get a PSA about what happens to addicts, along with Lala blaming Pancho for Peyote's addiction. Pancho says she did drugs before they met, but Lala counters it's worse than ever now. "You've got to DO something!!"

Regan, I mean Pillow, has regained her composure. Limpid has returned to bring her some water. Pillow is laying it on thick; she's so glad he's there for her. Etc. Suddenly Larry asks, "Is it true that Gaby pushed you, or did you fall?" The Orchestra of Doom suddenly comes to life as Pillow is impactada! Commercial.

Back at the fiesta, a very drunken Sylvie is trying to pick up Fric and Frac. She wants to know if they're married. Apparently Frac got divorced six months ago. A studly "actor-wanna-be" waiter comes up with champagne and Sylvie starts combining the drinks into one big glass, about knocking over the tray in the process. She then starts hitting on the waiter, who refers to her as "senora" by mistake. She makes a big point of clarifying that she's a "Senorita," before dismissing him.

Camila is telling Max that all the women at the party are commenting how handsome he is, and that she's the envy of all the women. Max isn't in the mood for her flirtation. Camila then makes the astute observation that Diana is flirting with all the guys. Max is not amused. Sylvie comes stumbling over and makes a scene. She swaps her empty champagne glass for Camila's full one. She then drags Camila away from Max to meet some men. Camila is truly embarrassed that she's associated with Sylvie. After Camila is hauled off by Sylvie, Max takes the opportunity to interrupt a conversation between Dimwit and Avarice. Max asks Diana if he can speak with her. Avarice points out that Diana is in the middle of a conversation already. "I wasn't talking to YOU!" says Max. Diana tells him she's most certainly not going to interrupt her conversation with Avarice to speak with Max.

Lunkhead has reiterated his question. "Did Gaby really push you, or did you fall?" Pillow gets all huffy. "Your Aunt Yolanda is putting all sorts of bad thoughts into your empty head! She hates me because of the wedding debacle! I've fallen into an abyss and need you to promise me you'll never leave me. I need you more now than I did when I was pregnant! Promise me you'll NEVER EVER EVER leave my side!" Lame Larry takes her hand and promises her he'll never leave. What a tool!

Max and Avarice exchange insults and Max threatens to turn the event into a circus if Diana won't talk to him. Diana says he's got five minutes. In her office. More mud slinging between Max and Avarice as Max is following Diana into the office. These two boneheads are half-heartedly squabbling about the usual. Once again Dimwit's words are saying "no, no, no," while her eyes are saying, "yes, yes, yes!" Their faces are a couple of millimeters apart. If it wasn't such a close up, you could probably see their chests heaving. ***What? No overbearing love theme or Orchestra of Doom? What gives?!***

Nancy, in her sexy, low-cut "good girl" white tank top with pink lace, is giving Diego a pep talk. She misses the old self-assured Diego who taught piano lessons. Diego, ever the victim, says "that" Diego is gone, now that he's in a wheelchair. Nancy says he needs to think about himself (which of course is all he does). Diana isn't the only person who could love him. Diego says he realizes Nancy loves him, but he will never be able to love her. Nancy is crushed! Personally, I think Nancy deserves a much better guy than Dismal Diego. Either Jorge from Paco's bar or Emili-Oh would be better choices. Of course, anyone would be better than Diego!

More of our Dopey Duo, Max and Diana. Max is saying he knows she wants him. Diana is playing not-so-hard-to-get. They're still millimeters apart. Diana points out they're both married and need to be faithful. Max retorts that neither of them love their partners. Diana gives him the two-minute warning. Max says he wants to kiss her, and he knows she wants to kiss him. Diana doesn't want more of a scandal, people will talk. . .Max likes this Docile Diana. With about a minute and a half left of Max's five minutes, they finally kiss and their love theme starts wailing in the background. Commercial.

Kike is walking down the hospital hallway and sees Larry sleeping on the omnipresent red sofa. He moves his hands like he wants to hit Larry. I loved the look on Kike's face. Perhaps if he had hit Larry, it might knock some sense into Larry, but we're not so lucky. Kike has come to visit Pillow. She's sleeping when he walks in, but he wakes her up. He's heard about "our baby. Sandy told me." Pillow is afraid Larry will see them together, but Kike assures her Larry is sound asleep, wearing his ripped jeans, on the ugly red sofa. The same ugly red sofa that's in Pillow's room. Pillow giddily tells him the new plan and they giggle with glee that Lunkhead believes Gaby pushed her.

Diana and Max finish their kiss and Max is telling Diana they still have another minute. Caramel walks in to say Camila is looking for them and she's M-A-D! Camila storms in and says she knew she'd find them together, probably kissing. Max replies it's not Camila's concern whether or not he's kissing Diana. Emili-Oh then joins the Otra Fiesta to advise Max a reporter wants to speak to him about his plans to export a rival perfume product to Europe. Diana says she's not afraid to be left alone with Camila. Max leaves and Emili-Oh tells his sister "to behave." Diana and Camila square off and Camila throws champagne in Diana's face. Uh oh!!!!

Speaking of Jorge, he's bringing a drink to Paco in his office. Jorge wants to know why he's still at work, isn't he a happy newlywed? Paco replies he may be a newlywed, but he's far from happy. He can't forget Fidiota. She even tried to commit suicide! Jorge points out Fidiota didn't try to kill herself just because Paco married Octopus, she was also distraught over Diana's kidnapping.

Pancho is having a conversation with a sleeping Peyote. Either the mattress has dried, after Lala poured the bucket of water on Pancho, or Peyote is sleeping in the biggest wet spot ever. Pancho is apologizing and saying he doesn't want anything bad to happen to Peyote. He can't help it if he loves both her and Caramel.

Camila and Diana are still exchanging verbal insults. "You want a scandal? I'll give you a scandal!" Caramel hands Diana a pair of scissors and Diana is making cutting motions with them in front of Camila's face. "What are you going to do with the scissors?" asks Camila. Diana grins as the scissors go "snip, snip, snip" in the air. Now Camila is afraid. I don't think I've ever seen Diana with such animation in her face in all the previous 80 episodes. I didn't think she had it in her. Commercial.

Max is giving some boring statement to the reporter. Gaby grabs Emili-Oh and wants to know what to do about Diana v. Camila. Emili-Oh suggests they stay out of it and not draw attention to what's going on. Gaby reluctantly agrees. Besides, with that fiera Caramel, there's not much to worry about!

Jorge is still counseling Paco. Paco says if only he knew Fidiota wanted to marry him, he'd never have married Octopus. He mentions something about Octopus wanting him to throw his cell phone in the ocean. Jorge, ever the voice of reason, suggests that Octopus knew Fidiota was calling and didn't want him to get the messages. That's why she wanted him to ditch the phone. This is a newsflash to Paco. Paco should be the father of Lunkhead, not Peyote.

Cut to the cocktail party. Camila is strutting out of Diana's office in thigh-high stockings and matching black bra and panties. Apparently that's what the scissors were for. I figured they'd cut off her hair, but I guess that wasn't the case. Camila is squalling for Max. Photographers are snapping photos. Diana introduces Camila as the model for their next campaign. Sylvie is jealous! Emili-Oh once again covers the humiliated party with his jacket (remember when he did that for Sylvie when her wig was pulled off at the Irrascible party?). Emili-Oh, Sylvie, and Camila leave as Max grabs Diana's arm and drags her into the office. All eight extras are impactados. Max asks Diana why she would do something like that. Diana basically states Camila asked for it. Avarice breaks into the room and after more insults Max, in his matching lavender shirt and matching lavender and purple striped tie, punches him and leaves. Avarice is impactado!

Doleful piano solo as Fidiota is drunk in her room, lamenting the loss of Paco. A string ensemble joins the piano solo. Meanwhile, Paco is wondering if what Jorge said could be true. Did you note that Paco is wearing the same white shoes worn by Diego, Max, and Larry? Boy those shoes make the rounds. I digress. Paco misses Fidiota and wonders if he made a mistake by marrying Octopus. I think he'd be making a mistake if he married either one of those two idiots.

Emili-Oh, Sylvie, Camila, and Iggy are hanging out at Intracoastal Resorts. Camila is tearing into Sylvie for ruining her evening. Those two bicker for awhile before Emili-Oh yells at them to shut the heck up. It's not Sylvie's fault the evening was a bust. It's Camila's fault for trying to make Diana jealous! I didn't realize spineless Emili-Oh had it in him. Iggy weighs in with his two bits. Camila is on a rampage, however. The doorbell rings and it's Max. Camila's voice is apparently dubbed in by our favorite little "Chihuahua on Crack" as she shrieks at Max for not defending her. The Orchestra of Doom plays. Commercial.

Camila is still ripping Max a new orifice for not defending her. Max didn't realize Diana had it in her to cut up Camila's dress. Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed Camila didn't have much on to begin with? The lingerie look seems to be the norm with our Camila. It must just be the principle of the matter.

Caramel, Gaby, and Diana are happily rehashing the great evening and cutting off Camila's dress, when Diego rolls in. He is in a snit, as always. "It's 4 o'clock in the morning!" Caramel makes some excuses for them. Diego states he doesn't care if Caramel is out until 4, but he certainly doesn't want his little woman out that late!

Max is apologizing to Camila. More of the same. Camila wants him to promise to take Mini Max away and leave Diana for good. Max promises. More bickering until Max leaves and Emili-Oh follows him out. Iggy tells Camila and Sylvie they're both pathetic. As Camila storms out of the room, she pushes Sylvie onto the chair.

Caramel and Gaby head off for bed, as Diego's Inquisition of Diana continues.

Sylvie is ranting and raving to Iggy. Iggy wants to know why she didn't just pick up some guy. Sylvie replies she's a virgin and is saving herself for someone special. Suddenly Doc Evil is interested in her ramblings. Sylvie tries to throw herself at Doc Evil, but in Sylvie's drunken state, even he's not interested. As he tries to walk off, she's trying to take his pants off. Iggy is flustered.

We see a nightgowned figure in flip-flops walking across the tile to a desk. A perfectly manicured finger punches in eight numbers (beginning with 1153) on the phone. Andres walks out of bedroom to answer the phone. M—"Andres, I need your help!" A—"Who is this?" M—"It's Marfil, I'm alive!" Andres is impactado! The Orchestra of Doom kicks in as the. . .

Credits roll.

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