Caray, Caray!

I gotta take a second here to say how much I like the last scene of the intro to each episode. You know, the one where Juan gets away from all the muchachas and walks away from us in his bright orange shirt that fits to a “t?” Yeah. That scene. Whew, does that boy have a nice walk…..…..oops, who said that? (looking around over my shoulder)

We open to see Juan, who has been getting driving lessons in Enrique’s bus, facing off with another bus driver for a big dust up. (In the previous episode, as Sylvia noted, that bus driver cut him off and Juan rear-ended him). They exchange insults, and Juan dances at him, yelling, “come on, come on!” He taunts the driver while Enrique tries his best to keep Juan under control. Obviously, he doesn’t know Juan well enough yet.

Juan continues to insult the man, his family, and tells him to go back from whence he came. Juan dogs the guy like a pit bull, and Enrique tries again to calm him. Juan’s fancy footwork makes me wonder if he’s already been on Bailando por la Boda de mis Sueños. If not, sign the boy up fast.

The other driver just glares at him. One wonders what he’s thinking? “Is this boy as loco as he looks/sounds?” His moustache twitches, surely a Bad Thing. Or, he could be trying not to bust out laughing.

We move to a nice cozy restaurant, where CL and Paula have nice big glasses of red wine in front of them. The Breakfast of Champions. CL is waxing philosophical. He sees that they’re going to get along famously. Paula wants to know when they’ll get down to business in the office. He asks why is that important? She wonders if he’s always so irresponsible (clearly a rhetorical question to us, gentle readers, but apparently Paula has an enquiring mind and wants to know). He replies that our one responsibility in life is to be happy. (One wonders how he defines “happy.” No, on second thought, no real need to ask). She retorts and he says he has one thought, to enjoy life to the max. Paula is still smiling…..Money is for buy it (enjoyment to the max), and the body is to give pleasure. This is a philosophy that is very simple but practical and has given him lots of good results. Paula is still smiling……..

Paula asks him what of the consequences? He retorts, “to whom are consequences important?” “Me, for example.” She’s still smiling….sort of…… CL laughs cynically to the ceiling and tells her that he cannot understand how a woman so intelligent, and beautiful, can live so on the defensive. The smile is fading…….He leans in and a frown takes over her lovely face. “What are you doing?” He replies, with a look of total sincerity on his face, “I’m breaking the ice.” [Ed. Note: The CC said “I’m breaking the heavens” – cielo vs hielo -- and is a perfect example of a closed caption blooper I should send in to Barry at “DeafDigest” for his column on the subject, except that very few DeafDigest readers would understand since they mostly speak English]. “Now you’re going to see how we’ll feel if you drop this unsociable attitude.” Paula is no longer smiling.

She jumps to her feet and turns away. “What’s up with you?” “Paula,” he says as he grabs her by the wrist, “take this calmly! Why is everything with you such a tragedy? I am doing nothing more than making sure things between us are agreeable.” He looks over his shoulder and fiddles with his coat. [Ed. Note: I suppose the novela would be over if she just kneed him in the cajones and never looked back. So brace yourselves, gentle readers, for the long haul].

Paula turns back and asks him if he thinks she is stupid. He denies it. She tells him she doesn’t know what he is thinking (oh, c’mon, honey….it can’t be that hard to figure it out) but she “repeats” (from the incident yesterday) that she is not inclined to drop her principles and no way would she have sex with a man she doesn’t even like. CL looks a little nervous. The folks at neighboring tables are eavesdropping, since she’s now escalated to about 95 decibels and the ambient noise is only 85 dB. They have a good audible gain of 10 dB of info, just enough to make lunch interesting. He sees that he may be not only losing this battle but losing this war. He retreats and recalculates his route. “Who’s talking about sex?” [Ed. Note: who’s defensive NOW?]

Paula tells him that it is more convenient for her if she doesn’t work with him. [Paula, not to split hairs here, but he’s not inclined to work anyway from what we’ve seen so far.] She moves away from him and the table. They glare at each other. Trouble in paradise, CL.

We return to the lovely street scene, with two buses almost bumper to bumper, and the old guy who is calling to his buddy to bring his machete so he can send Juan to the Garden of the Balacas??? (Help with translation! The slang is killing me here!) The guy brings a flat piece of metal that looks more like a rectangle than a machete shape, but could still do some serious damage to Juan’s person. Juan taunts some more about this being a fight with weapons and asks Enrique to bring him something. Enrique, ever the levelheaded one, tells him they can resolve this by talking it out. There is no need to go to such extremes! Juan whips out of his jacket, and wraps it around his left arm, twirling it. I guess he figures to deflect the “machete?” He keeps egging the guy on, twirling his right arm. The other driver just eyes him, moustache twitching. In fact, that’s his best move so far. Juan dances, he twitches. Nice contrast, but his partner’s not going to have the wedding of her dreams. Juan’s partner, on the other hand…..probably won’t need or want one after dancing with Juan……

Juan, keeping his eye on the target, asks Enrique what’s up? Enrique says they’d really better go. Juan ignores him and eggs the other driver, who makes a lunge. Juan begins to circle him, asks him if he’s afraid, and kicks his bus. Oh-oh. Wrong move. He really p’d the guy off now. The guy tells him not to mess with it!

Juan unbuttons down almost to his waist, a totally gratuitous but effective ploy on the writers’ parts because it now has us viejas totally entranced, and continues to taunt the guy, who brandishes his weapon. Juan thought bubbles that here he is, with his heart ready to jump out of his chest, ready to “take to my heels,” “confess my sins,” and they continue to face off. Finally, the other driver reaches over his back with his “machete,” and scratches. “You know what? I’m not going to dirty my hands…..and I really appreciate that you have such little courage.” Juan snaps back at him while they trade places again, both posturing for the crowd…..while still not drawing blood or even getting bruised. Enrique steps in, seeing the chance to de-escalate this little scenario and get out with his life, while Juan saves face by yelling that this is the guy’s pretext for leaving. [Ed. Note: when Juan postures and struts with his chest thrust out, it gives us all a real appreciation for his daily workouts. Pastor is really going to be sorry he missed this one when he sees the re-runs]. They back apart, but keep on yelling insults—“whenever you want, Papa!” Enrique, sensing the real danger has passed, pushes Juan back a little. The crowd that has gathered is grinning at all this and egging them both on for the sake of a good afternoon’s diversion. The old driver disappears to his bus, and the muchachas clap for Juan, who struts forward with chest at full sail. He postures for them, too, and thought bubbles that all he has to do is look at Enrique’s face to know that he will now look at him with other eyes: eyes of respect. The applause continues while Juan makes the rounds, kissing muchachas, giving them the high five, and generally displaying a bodacious chest with MUCHO pelo oscuro. [Ed. Note: there’s also this lovely shark-tooth on a leather strip……be still, mi corazón…..]

He assures the crowd that everything’s fine and nothing happened. Enrique claps, in awe, with the crowd. He gives them the thumbs up as Juan disappears back to his bus. Enrique is apparently thrilled to be associated with this new hero.

Omigosh, Paula is STILL with CL at the restaurant. She tells him that it’s just not going to work for her to continue working with him and she’s not inclined to pay the price and there is no need to waste any more time on this. He really sees this deal going south, and gets her to sit down again, looking very conciliatory and telling her he wants to talk this out calmly. [Easy for YOU to say, CL.] “Okay, I was wrong, but that’s no reason for you to resign!” She retorts that each time the situation becomes more uncomfortable for her. [Ed. Note: if she really wanted to make that thought stick, she could wear something that didn’t look like she’s going to pop right out of it every time she breathes. I’m just saying.] CL really has to backpedal fast to pull this one out and he knows it. He’s seeing the same cleavage as all of us, and doesn’t want to miss the view. [Another Ed. Note, discúlpame: I guess it’s just a tad hypocritical to enjoy Juan’s open shirt and condemn Paula’s cleavage, but there you have it.]

He begs her forgiveness. She points out this is the second time he’s begged for forgiveness in a short time, hasn’t he noticed? And, she’s going to find it very difficult to work with a person she doesn’t have any confidence in. He says they could talk a little more calmly. [Sheesh.] He tells her again it was not for real, it had to be done. (What? Another “test?” That’s so lame.). She tells him he has very strange ways of testing folks. He’s not accepting her resignation. She tells him that in any case, she is not interested in working in a business where this is how business is done. [Attagirl!] She gets up and turns to go, and he grabs her. Again. He tells her not to be this way, and she says, “Thanks for the meal.” She takes off. He sits back down, takes a sip, and works on Plan B.

Enrique and Juan are off in a shopping center. Enrique and he are still re-living the “fight,” and Juan tells Enrique how once he fought off ten guys. He demonstrates, complete with karate chops, kicks, and a head butt to Enrique, who is jubilant. Suddenly, Juan sees our heroine, who is coming down the escalator from her unsatisfactory first day of work for CL. His goddess of the sea with eyes of honey, so slender, so divine, he thought bubbles. He is fascinated with her lovely visage. This time he WON’T lose her!

It’s now or never, he yells, while he cuts through the people, barely excusing himself. Enrique, conspicuous in a VERY orange shirt, grins and tells himself that this loco is that very same devil Juan he knows. Juan runs for dear life chasing Paula until he skids to a halt near a curb on the street. Juan thought bubbles: What? Where is this divine apparition who is in every palpitation of the rhythm of the song? (Song? Must be the song in your head, or else you have head noise. Better see an audiologist about that, my boy). She is my reason for living! [Not to put too fine a point on this, Juan, but you have one at home, too. You can’t have it both ways, unlike CL.]

Enrique is doing the twist in front of a display where he sees his reflection. Two muchachas giggle and point. He’s embarrassed. Juan approaches and he asks what bug made him itch (when he ran down the escalator)? It was the bug of love. He tells Enrique to touch him and grabs his hand to make Enrique do it. Right there. In the middle of Macy’s. Or its Mexican equivalent. He makes Enrique’s hand slap him. “Well, it’s just that I saw the woman of my dreams, of my fantasies.” He’s looked everywhere and never known her. He flashes to seeing Paula in the taxi, Paula going into the funeral home. Enrique’s face tells the tale: he knows his bud is crazy. “You didn’t do anything bad?” Juan reassures him and waxes sentimental about Paula, seeing her on the escalator illuminated by beautiful stars. The singer chants about his heart…..

……and we hear the grating voice of Pastor, who is sitting across a desk from Ivonne, gossiping….er, chatting……. “where could he be now, what is he doing, is he thinking of me?” Ivonne tries to bring Pastor back down out of the clouds. “Excuse me, Pastor, but from what you have told me, Juan is a….” [did this idiom mean country bumpkin or something like this?? Please help with translation, anyone!!! ¡Es qué no tengo ninguna idea!] He replies that this could be one way of interpreting it, but there is another that I like better. Okay, she asks, what? Well, Juan is a discreet, subtle young man. [Ed. Note: of course you prefer that, Pastor.] Ivonne remarks that to her, he seems quite the man. They disagree on what kind of man Juan really is, and Pastor warns her that Juan is already spoken for. (Tiene un dueño, my interpretation). I love Pastor’s music, it’s so cute. She warns him that he is very disillusioned about this. They exchange differing views and he tells her that Juan is different, he knows it in his heart and it’s that innocent expression, so sincere. This boy is incapable of hurting anyone. [Ed. Note. He’s right about that, but Pastor still read the boy totally wrong, which will make for a chuckle every now and then, my friends]. She reminds Pastor he doesn’t know this boy. He wonders why she has to say this---well, it’s because she doesn’t want to see him suffer. He tells her not to worry, because this time he hears the bells of happiness. [Ed. Note: Pastor apparently has head noise, too, and we’ll have to get him to the audiologist, too. Maybe they’ll give us a discount two-fer.] He giggles until he coughs, “Ay!” Ivonne just shakes her head fondly at him.

Enrique sits on the sofa in a store while Juan tries on suits. He twirls out of a fitting with a light gold jacket, brown slacks, and shades, his shirt still unbuttoned down to…..there….and stops with a pose. Enrique gets to his feet….”well, good, good, but did you look at the price?” “Yes, but Juan Dominguez never obsesses about the prices—that’s bad taste, bad manners.” (How he would know this is anyone’s guess). It’s all about an impressive look, Papa. But Enrique says it’s better to pay attention to how much it’ll cost. He twitches nervously. He wonders why Juan is talking like that (so do we, Enrique, because it makes it darn difficult to recap). He tries to talk Juan out of some of this shopping. Juan says he’ll leave the shades behind and drops them on the sofa. But, there are lots of suits on the sofa to choose from anyway. He picks one, and hands it to the clerk….”Señorita, this blue, and this gray, and this one (he’s wearing)” Enrique sits down, stunned. “The three?” He puts his head in his hands while Juan models with the now infamous belt buckle thrust out.

We return to Casa Cachón, where Juan and the muchachas (in Nidia’s case, I use the term “muchacha” loosely) are eating dinner. They’re discussing football, Latin style. Nidia asks if he like it. Oh, it enchants him. What team does he like, Yadira wants to know? His homeboys, of course! But, they must be at least fifth division. Nidia actually tells her not to be offensive. (She notices?) He thought bubbles that this is the surprise of the day, these women understand AND like football. (Think about it Juan. They liked you in your running shorts, too.) They’ve organized their trip to the stadium. Hm. This might bode well for interaction with Marely. He asks her if she like football, too. She gives him a sarcastically sweet smile and tells him yes, can’t you tell by my emotion for the topic? Her sister snipes and her, and Marely wants to know why they can’t just leave her in peace. One wonders if this is a source of family discord? They fuss with each other a bit more and Juan apologizes for even asking. She tells him not to bother defending her. Juan thought bubbles about the interaction (and to be honest, I am lost with the slang, so feel free to jump in here, anyone, or anyplace you feel like clarifying to help us all out). Nidia snipes at Marely about being rude to Juan, and Juan thought bubbles that it’d be better if she didn’t try to help him out. Marely tells him that no, she doesn’t like football, and she gives him an earful about how stupid she thinks it is.

Yadira says, oh, boy, the Sermon on the Mount, Amen! Marely isn’t done, though. She wants to know if he has any other questions. He holds out his hands and grunts, “uh-uh.” Marely says, fine, I don’t want to be rude with this gentleman so I’ll just leave. I lost my appetite anyway. Nidia tells her, do whatever, we’ll talk later (young lady! I can just hear my Dad saying that). Marely gets up and huffs out. Nidia makes light of it, and Juan excuses Marely because she is still upset by her father’s death.

Yadira wants to know if Juan will come with them to the stadium. Enrique is taking them. Nidia tells her that no, she, Nidia needs Juan to go with her tomorrow…..if it’s not too much bother. He assures her it’s no bother. (You’re going to be sorry you told her that one of these days, Juan). Juan thought bubbles to himself about what this widow is up to, but he’s really more worried at this moment about little Marely. He’s losing ground here. He’s not getting much love, though he feels pretty happy. He smiles nervously.

Paula, at home eating with Ana, wonders if men have such a big problem controlling their hormones. [Ed. Note: As they say in the South, she ain’t went much. This muchacha’s got a lot to learn.] She tells Ana that even though she really needs the work, finding other work like this would be extremely difficult. They discuss (well, it’s a very impassioned discussion) what she should do regarding this job and CL’s pressure. She tells her mother that Ana should trust that after today, CL will understand how she sees things. (Fat chance). Ana tells her that people like this have nothing if not persistence. Paula insists she has more and they’ll see who wears down first. Ana shakes her head and mutters, “well, whatever you say.” They eat. (Probably a Good Thing, since all she did at the restaurant was drink).

We find ourselves voyeurs, peering at the almost-naked, very fit legs of a joven who apparently always wears his lovely brown hand-tooled cowboy boots, even when he is working out. We the legs, propped against the dresser at an angle, move. Oh! It’s Juan in his room, with his booted feet propped on that dresser, hands behind him on a bench at the end of the bed, and okole OFF the floor. He’s doing reverse push-ups without ever touching any part of his okole to the floor, going down to about six inches off of it. He’s clothed in bright blue boxers with a pattern that has red hearts on a white square periodically printed on the boxers, and his trademark shark-tooth necklace (sounds sort of wimpy to say this when we’re talking about Juan. Necklace? I can’t think of a better term). We hear the grunts with the movement, and the camera pans down the visage of Juan pushing up and down with his arms behind him, counting to himself. Pardon me a moment while I clean the drool up under my chair. We get a side view of the chest, etc……..the camera pans out so we get a full view. (¡Ay, mimisqui! Can anyone actually do this is real life? Is this just spectacular special effects?)

Suddenly, there is mariachi music pervading Casa Cachón. Juan drops on his okole to the floor, looking startled. He jumps up and runs down the curved staircase, carrying his t-shirt, and dressed (okay, undressed) as previously described. Yadira, Nidia, and Marely follow in various states of dress/undress. (Can you guess who has been to Victoria’s Secret most recently?) They stop midway down the stairs and assess each other. Actually, the muchachas Cachón are doing the real assessing, and some targeted commenting on Juan’s apparel. Yadira, who finally gets her mouth closed, is certain that it’s Enrique out there, serenading her. Marely asks her why she’s so sure it’s for her. Nidia poses in her black lingerie for Juan. (Somebody, quick, tell her she’ll never be on the Victoria’s Secret special). Nidia postures for Juan, who looks distinctly uncomfortable……as we move into the yard.

No! It’s not Enrique! It’s our favorite sleazy lawyer, Delirio/Alirio. He’s drunk and trying to drown out the wonderful singers, who are singing that they can’t forget you……Delirio takes a swig and sways to the music. Life is good. Yadira, still inside, tells her mother, “it’s for you.” Nidia is impactada!

Monday: Juan stumbles on Nidia in a bubble bath, and Marely comes on Juan in a compromising position with Mamacita. ¡Ay, Caray!

Jeanne

Labels: Juan