Caray, Caray!

You know how, when somebody dies in a novela, all the main characters get a chance, one by one, to emote over the death? We have that tonight, except it's emoting over the birth. Everybody troops in and out of that hospital room. And as far as recapping goes: anybody could have looked at the show and made up the dialogue and gotten it 100% on the money. You didn't need me at all.

Gaviota, in an effort to make herself feel even worse, goes baby shopping. Listening to an annoying lullaby machine, she clasps her own belly wistfully. As the music repeats over and over (I myself would shoot that tedious gizmo dead) she thoughtbubbles: "Oh little baby, be a sweet blessing for my Rodrigo." She prays nicely for the health and happiness of mother and son.

Rod, arriving home despondent having ditched his wilting flowers somewhere, gets the news that Isa's in the hospital. He heads out.

At the boring tequila meeting (there are an awful lot of tequila bottles on that table), Dr. Blondie mopes and everybody misses Mariana. Alonso says he needs coffee to wake himself up. Isn't that interesting?

Rod gets to the hospital waiting room and who should be the only person there but Gaviota. The classic telenovela line (second only to No Puede Ser) is uttered: Que Haces Aqui? "What are you doing here?" (Then the other person can fill us in with all the stuff we need to know or already know.) He's impactado to hear: "Isa found out somehow we were meeting. She was very nervous and her pains began, I brought her here. We were afraid the baby would be born in the car. Now I've seen with my own eyes how she suffers for you."

Gav gives him whichever wussy little outfit she bought at Babies R Us and says (after Rod begs her to) that she's willing to stay until they find out everything's ok. He says: "I should be the happiest man on earth, but I'm so sad. I always thought you would be the mother of my children." "That was my dream too, but it's impossible. Confront your reality."

Their sweet and desperate hug is interrupted by the arrival of the doctor saying
everything is fine and it's a boy. "Love your baby, Rodrigo, take care of them both. And give Isa this message: congratulate her and say I wish her a happy home full of peace. Now a new life begins for you, Rodrigo."

She leaves, he moons. She meets up with Daniela and Pilar in the hallway - Pilar graciously asks: "Why the hell are you here?" "Ask Rodrigo." Pilar graciously asks Daniela: "Why the hell is she so friendly with you?" "She's my sister in law!" Elvis cheers. Pilar continues to mull: "Why was the baby born so early? Is it related to Mariana being here?"

Outside, Gaviota cries. Her misery has caused her hair extensions to become unattractively dislocated. She takes a taxi and hies herself to the boring tequila meeting.

It's time to call everybody, even though "this news is going to kill half of our family." Minerva is unfavorably impactada to hear from Pilar the heir has arrived. ("Did Aaron have a heart attack?" chortles Daniela.)

Pilar expects the opposing team to show up but "I can't cancel my witch doctor appointment to go see that awful baby," opines Minerva. Aaron says she has to! They can't appear to be as hideously envious as they in fact are.

He also decides to go down to Mexico and steal Rod's organic tequila idea, because he thinks the North American thirst for novelty will make it profitable. Minerva, ever interested in these business details, asks subtly: "Are you going to kill the baby?" Aaron: "It's a possibility, but there may be other ways to deal with the little snotnose."

Hearing the news (GOALLLLLLLLL!) Sofia's all happy but Frankie is, unaccountably, nervously hyperventilating. She says they'll take the next flight. Frankie says he has too much "work" to go. She wheedles him into it and then rushes off to tell James, Rod's best friend.

Gav arrives at the boring tequila meeting and all are glad to see her, especially Dr. Blondie. Her hair extensions miraculously repaired, she rushes off to call her ma, who is all upset about the whole business and wildly dusts her television shrine. Alonso catches Gaviota crying. Big Boss Tequila chuckles to Alonso that he's much happier when Mariana is around...

In the crowded hospital room Daniela is first to ask, with a soupçon of suspicion: "Who does this baby look like?"

When they are alone, Isa asks Rod where Gaviota is. She accuses: "I found out about your plan to meet!" He says let's not fight, and then transmits Gaviota's kindly message about a peaceful house. "Does that mean she'll keep her nose out of our marriage? I'll only have peace when she's DEAD."

Next morning, Rod is reluctant to hold the baby. Isa says the baby looks like Rod and says: "Now, we're a family!" Rod looks like, uh, not so much.

Gaviota and Dr. Blondie are mutually surprised to see each other at work very early. Dr. Blondie goes on once again about the excellent features of coffee and says Balzac drank a whole lot of coffee.

Next arrivals in the hospital: Sofia, Frankie, Fedra, and James. Frankie perks up at the sight of this child, which is probably his. Next, Isa's parents arrive. Ricardo says he's strutting like a peacock to be a grandfather. He leaves and Ma admits he hasn't made any progress towards paying his creditors, but that it won't matter cause Rod will be so happy about being a dad he won't notice.

Isa says the baby's name is Ricardo. It's planned to get him legally registered as a Montalvo as quickly as possible. Isa's mom: "It's lucky the baby looks like you." Isa: "It's lucky Rod thinks I'm the most faithful woman in the world."

Fedra: "No way the baby looks like Rodrigo. Baby Rod was hairy, hairy, hairy!"

Rod is starting to wonder if perhaps Elvira is spying for Isa.

At the market, Clarita tells Jose she doesn't think this little varon is really Rod's son. Jose says, "When my son comes to visit, I'll ask about all this," and then reminds Clarita that this son (smarmie Frankie, who is, you recall, the illegitimate son of some spoiled wealthy brat of the de la Vega family) did not even invite her to his wedding to Sofia! "Maybe he won't even let me see my grandson!" (Heh.)

Jose continues [in the style known to the world as How many mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, dear, I'll just sit here in the dark, don't worry about me]: "Now that he's part of this important rich family, why should Francisco hang around with a poor ignorant woman like me?" "But a mother is sacred," chants Clarita. "A mother is sacrifice."

Gav moons and tells Nancy she needs a heart transplant in order to forget Rodrigo.

At the hospital, evil music cues the entrance of Aaron and Minerva. Minerva points out the baby is blond! Bruno says the baby looks like Rod. Aaron says no he doesn't. "All that matters is that he is a Montalvo," says somebody but I forget who. Minerva: "Isa, why was your baby two weeks early?" "Ask Rod and Gaviota."

Tomorrow: Aaron asks the doctor if it's really true that Isa got artificial insemination. Gaviota opines that life is unfair.

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