Caray, Caray!

This is dedicated to Erika and the fine professional stance she has take not rendering this down to a cheap rating seeking Soap Opera..

A pretty face don't make no pretty heart
I learned that, buddy, from the start
You think I'm cute, a little bit shy
Momma, I ain't that kind of guy

Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I got a bad case of lovin' you
Whooaaa

I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me, momma, are you gonna stop?

You had me down, 21 to zip
Smile of Judas on your lip
Shake my fist, knock on wood
I've got it bad, and I've got it good

(I do have to confess that for all these decades I thougth the lyrics were "you had me down in 21 positions." Who knew? Well I live for the day I can do “Blinded by the Light” and misunderstood lyrics.

First we start off with the usual rehash of the prior episodes... muy impacted moments, prior misunderstanding and the taunting glimpses of more stupidity to come.

Where oh where can Rod be? Why that is him driving down the streets of Mexico City mumbling to himself as he hits himself on the top of the head. Dani is calling all the cool chicks that Rod has in his “Class Planner”. No, no one knows where Rod is. Although as we will see this indeed gives Gavi a reason to stay up all night and Erika a reason to chill all night. What a wicked world…what a wicked world.

Frankie, Isa and NotRod’sBaby are checking into a pretty swank Hotel, Dude and Dudess, seriously you could have gone to the Capri in Mexico DF for like 190 pesos a night, right on the main drag... clean rooms, sealed garages... plus and just wait for this, a KFC within walking distance and a gas station where you could pick up chips, beer and so on, did I mention 100 channels of cable? Some people. Anyway, DumbAss de la Vega asks for the presidental suite, for a week. He inquires about the men’s spa. Isa is forced to drag out her soon to be cut off credit card. You can tell the hotel guy knows a ManWhore when he sees one.

Rod of course shows up a Erika’s... he spills the whole story. His heart is broken, not cause Isa was double dealing, cause in this case she was only single dealing as Rod never cast a card in her direction. Anyhow he is more than upset that BigHeadGiantNotRod’sBaby isn’t well, Rod’s baby. Even though the kid is not of his blood, it is his son. He loved the child so much. Yeah Rod we noticed, aren’t there any old pawnshops in Mexico DF, with trophies, surely he could get another. (Okay I know I seem a bit callus here, and he wasn’t a bad father, he just wasn’t much of a father. What with all the psycho breakdown, the month in Europe, when he had to run straight over to Erika’s, rather than go see his kid first, yes Rod I am totally feeling your pain. I actually felt the same way when I finally bought something to go with my lil beaded black sweater and then realized I think I gave it away like three years ago… alas they paved paradise and put up a parking lot)

Rod is crying yet again, Jeez I gotta say, get a frickin grip, this guy has cried more than first runner up at the Prom. Yeh, I felt sorry for him the first two thousand times, now he just gets a big STFU from me. Erika tears up, not enough to make her mascara run, but enough to let us know she is in full empathy mode. This leads to a hug, the normal back patting that transcends all cultures as a sign of comfort. Erika, pulls the old friendship thing... how she is there in his time of need... helping him through difficult times. Rod asks her to take a trip with him. He need help to “Remake his life”. Rod feels good when she is at his side. Erika doesn’t want to talk about it now. He is sorry for the difficult time, but she has helped him so much. Yes Rod cause you were one sick mental bastard, now basing a relationship on that foundation is not encouraged.

Next thing we know: Rod is eating her face and guess what he seems to have found a reason to live.

Now, then the three mujers of the star-crossed family Montalvo sit around concerned about Big Rod’s whereabouts. Pilar and Sofie prod Dani to call Erika again. Come to think of it... how is it that Dani has Erika’s home phone number? Does she have a special phonebook, labeled “Chicks my 45 year old brother might someday work up the courage to do?” Sofie & Pilar, don’t have the inside clue to the fact that Rod might be going all romantic with Erika & Dani defers for the time being.

Meanwhile, back at Erika’s Rod now has her under him on the “Couch of crushed Cushions”, note to self... the next time I go to Erika’s sit on a dining room chair, but check under the cushions if she leaves the room. Hey he could of lost a valuable out of his pockets over there, cause there was certainly enough horizontal movement. Think heavy breathing... panting... Erika straining her much scented neck towards the heavens. If this was ESPN, I would say he had rounded second and was well on his way to third, no one was guarding home plate and he had every intention of sliding in.

Ring…Ring…Ring…Damn don’t you just hate when the phone rings interrupting hawt couch sex? Erika jumps up and answers. It is Dani, “Hi is my brother there?” “Yes”, answers Erika,”Oh and don’t mind my panting... we were just working out to my new ZUMBA video... Zumba baby”. Okay Rod is fine, no he doesn’t want to talk... Blah, Blah, Blah. Erika hangs up. Rod is all okay... this close... this close. While in a vertical position he once again proceeds to eat her face. “Oh No big fella, you need time”, Erika breathlessly states. Yeah like two minutes and one and half of those would be involved in the clean up.

Rod, scared he has offended yet another girlfriend and it is getting close to Prom time, apologizes hoping he hasn’t offended Erika. As if she had somehow slipped, fell on the couch and he landed on her. Oh yes we don’t want to lose our friendship... Of course Rod doesn’t want to return to the departmento of “Sexual Misdeeds”, yeah the place he paid rent on and can’t claim a single one, nor does he want to go to Granny Pilars. Rod is going to stay at his new best friend’s apartment on the couch. Personally after watching a bizillion EDF commercials, I realize that in cases where the “arousal state last longer than four hours”, medical care should be sought. So I think it was quite prudent for Dr. Erika to suggest he spend the evening there. Erika says they must control their impulses; I take this to heart and defer from throwing the remote through the screen of the television.

Now over to Gavi. Cymbals of doom crash. Gavi is beside herself, where can Rod be? Is he all right? Gavi throws down another shooter of Tequila, this forces me to join her. Gavi looks out the window with the same expression as the people of Pompeii, each day as they gazed up at Mt. Vesuvius. Yeah it’s all smoke, no fire, no need to worry. Well I got news Gavi, the volcano is just ready to erupt. She is upset, crying, feeling the temors, yet doesn’t move. Clarita comes out and gives her the ol “Don’t worry, if it was bad news they’d call”. Yeah maybe to say Rod died in a fiery car crash, but not to say hey Rod is getting ready to erupt and Erika is going to be encased for posterity in the molten lava.

Over in the Presidental Suite... Isa is on the phone filling her Ma in on the details of she and her child’s “Lifetime Movie” story of fleeing her husband with the man she so loves. She tells Ma not to tell her father. Well, odds are he couldn’t hear the phone ring over the noise of the Casino, but whatever.

Isa is disgusted that Frankie is chowing down on a huge plate of filet mignon. How can he eat? Ah mon cherie, food is the best therapy for depression. He tries to get her to drink a glass of wine, but Isa is too upset. Frankie tries to turn on the charm but Isa blows him off and goes to bed…alone. Frankie has that look on his face... the anvil look. Nope fatherhood & supporting a family is not going to sit well with him.

Over at Pilars: Sofie is telling Dani that truthfully the dew was off the rose shortly after her marriage and while that hurt, the real hurt comes from the fact that Isa screwed her over. Oh Sofie I am in total agreement with you, however that does not excuse your bad fashion choices, the betrayal of Isa was far more painful than the betrayal of Frankie. Sofie realizes she will never be one of the A-Team girls and it was a bad choice as a goal. I guess there must be a shortage of Teen Angst movies in Mexico or Sofie would have been hip to this knowledge.

Finally the Next day…
Rod is on the phone with Dani (I think it was Dani... giving instructions about picking up some clothes for him and meeting him at the company headquarters)
Erika floats in. Yes Rod slept badly on the couch. But hey it is another day.

Erika asks Rod why he never told her that Gavi was AKA MariAnne Franco. Rod is all like hey it never occurred to me, damn we aren't even going steady and already she is all up in my prior business, Erika explains that Beni ItalianLovedGaviGuy had introduced them. Rod asks what was up with that and of course Erika; professional that she is can’t really tell. Rod the never curious, just goes with it. This guy is just such a total dumbass. Anyway Erika pulls the you and Gavi crap and of course Rod is all, well she is in my past... you hawt mama are my present. In other words, I done it under the tree, but the couch is as of yet an unplowed furrow.

Okay... now on to Pilars... Sofie and Dani are talking.. .Sofie is wearing a black dress from the “Donna Karen, Death to a Marriage, Collection”, Gavi calls. Dani really doesn’t want to talk to Gavi. Sofie says the longer she doesn’t know the truth (meaning her brother the volcano/tractor plowing fields) is out and about the more it is gonna hurt. Sofie leaves the room. Gavi wants details, ohhhhh is Rod okay did he go back to Isa? Dani says no, but she can’t go into it now. She will stop by later.

Sofie comes back in and asks if Dani told Gavi that Rod is getting his night terrors taken care of by Dr. Ericka? Dani says No, she didn’t tell. Sofie like everyone who has recently suffered heartbreak is very unemotional and straightforward. Tell her she says, the sooner she realizes Rod is “Gone Daddy Gone’ the better, she deserves to know and will suffer less in the end. Dani looks guilty over this.

Elvis comes in and he is unaware anything has happened. He greets Sofie and says Frankie must have fixed some awesome orange juice. Sofie starts crying and Dani hugs her and Dani and Elvis leave.

Meanwhile Blondie, crap and I thought I was gonna get through this without a DeadMan Walking sighting, is like all hello to Gavi and notices she isn’t herself, he thinks it is over her big decision she stay or should she go (shout out to the Clash here), oh and by the by does she have her decision yet? The should I just pick up and run off to London decision. Damn Gavi just gives him a look and tells him she thought she had 48 hours for this. Blondie just tries to play it off. (Readers, some of you maybe unaware of this, but I hate this guy... he is just so there, just there), maybe at this point Gavi no longer thinks the Marachi serenade was such a cute idea, seriously she gives him a STFU look.

Rod is over in his office all chipper and thinking everyone can tell he was this close to nailing it. He has that self-assured look. He tells Margarita that he has some meetings with the banker guy and someone else, he wants Dr Erika in on these. I guess he needs a clean mental health certification. See money really can buy anything.

Videgaray comes in to meet with Rod, of course he has all the details of the big shakedown from the night before. Rod say he is sure Bruno, Fedra, Aaron and everyone else in the world know the Isa/Frankie/Not Rod’sBaby details. Videgaray is working on the annulment. Rod says Isa will get Nada (the bitch), nothing from his Ardiente Passion Tequila, he wants to take care of NotRod’sBaby but that is it and he wants RicardoIsa’sDaddy in prison. Videgaray says, this will give Rod a chance for a future with Gavi.

Rod smirks a “As If”, Gavi is my past…I AM INVENTING MY FUTURE…Oh Rod it is hard for me to stiffle my hatred for you here.

Meanwhile during all this filler, Bruno the Good has been chatting it up with Aaron the Evil. Sidebar here... Aaron once again was wearing stripes, yes the jacket, the shirt and the tie, but for some reason... I thought he was totally hawt. Maybe I realized, while Aaron is an AssHat and would probably throw 200 pesos down as he was walking out... he would never try to take the moral high ground which is starting to really annoy me with these other people. Yeah Aaron, you are kinda hawt. Anyway Bruno and Aaron are discussing the NotRod’sBaby dilemma, actually Aaron is smirking through the whole conversation and I am right there with you. Aaron never one to mince words wants the family name taken off the little “Bastard”, Bruno does the can’t we all be friends thing.

Dani & Elvis go to see Gavi, Dani goes in Gavi’s office and Elvis is forced to babysit Blondie. Dani finally tells Gavi that Rod won’t even allow Gavi’s name to be mentioned. Dani then tells Gavi that Frankie is the father of the NotRod’sBaby, Gavi is el muy Impacted….

Elvis, dude you totally won me over, I so have a Mrs. Robinson/Benjamin crush on you. Elvis really seriously jerked the chain of Blondie, he let it slip, the big family secret that Rod and Isa split up. He was so playing Blondie... he’d let just a little slip out, the Blondie would beg for more. Yes, Rod’s wife ran off with the father of her child, Frankie…Blondie gets the semi muy impacted face... ewwww Rod is officially back on the market.

Meanwhile at Pilars, Sofie is on the phone with James of sturdy shoulder to cry on. She is telling him the story of woe. He will support her in everyway…(ooooopsss, what was that shadow I saw flit by? Could it be the soul of the never heard from again Acacia? Oh Acacia I still think of you.) James has to hang up as Roman comes to shout out the news the Agave plague is spreading like a STD in “Abstinence Only Convention”.

Pilar comes in and laments the pain she has brought upon her poor grandchildren. How she loved Frankie and his phoney ways and words, she laments how she pushed Rod to stay in his loveless marriage. This was pretty awesome to see; she did have actual physical contact with Sofie and they did a fairly decent job of fake tears. Give her credit here cause at no point did she blink.

Okay that is it… Discuss amongst yourselves, the question is Rod lusted in his heart. Had Erika not put up a front would Rod have given in? Therefore did he betray Gavi by default? Was it truly a betrayal as he thinks she has left him? Are these people too stupid to be allowed to live, much less gawd forbid breed?

Now tomorrow
Dani finally tells Gavi that Rod’s doctor is hawt and refined..damn the whole refined thing..Gavi you could take her.

Gavi in her rather not refined hot pink mini walks up to dumbass (Rod) and Erika in a restaurant. Rod looks smitten.

Frankie walks out on Isa, he is going to get a drink cause he doesn’t like the kid crying.

Rod gets the news that Agave is infected.

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