Caray, Caray!

Shout out to Professor Higgins, that be Henry Higgins.

Greetings viewers this is my first night of Guapos. I do believe many fine points may have slipped past me, but let’s not get bogged down in trivialities when there is such an abundance of cheating, lying and so on going on amongst the upper classes and so much good naco fun amongst the lower.

We open with the rehash of the kiss on the street between Al de golden locks and Mili de Naco. He stuns her with a kiss, she backs away and then when he teases her, she sweeps in with a seductive eye, puts her arm around his neck, her eyes are saying yes, yes, yes. Unfortunately for Al her knee says no no no. Al doubles over and he may be out of action for quite a while. Mili laughs and runs off with her friend.

Hugo, the “crippled” shut in is trying to paint, but no luck his hand trembles and he can’t go on. This guy has a serious scam thing going. Maybe he is on disability and is afraid the camera will catch him being able and then what?

It pretty much seems that once you end up in one of the bedrooms upstairs in this house, you pretty much never see the light of day again. Mister Gloves just brings you food.

Down in the kitchen Karla (the lil servant who was hanging on Damien), is arguing with her mother. I don’t know Ma’s name, so for now I will just call her CookLady. Ma wants lil Karla to stay away from Damien. He is a drunk, a womanizer, lives off of his brother-in-law, killed his wife and son’s girlfriend and doesn’t floss. Karla is like “Whatever, I ain’t wearing this pink uniform forever.” Karla sees Damien as a stepping stone to getting what she wants.
---I believe there is a lesson to be learned here, see when you give your kid a name with a letters that aren’t in your native tongue, it leads to unrealistic expectations. Had she named her Carla; she would be much more willing to accept her lowly place in life & possibly hit on the younger male members of the family---

Al has apparently recovered and there is at least a 30% chance he can someday father children. He & his best buddy Bobby are pacing in front church. When the ever-loveable kindly rotund Padre appears, Al inquires after “Carlito”, the name he dubbed Mili. He gives the Padre a business card and says to send Mili to the address. He has a job for her.

The Padre is thrilled and passes the message on to Mili. Mili doesn’t know it is Al de Golden Locks, but she still doesn’t seem thrilled.

The groundskeeper gives Morton, the chauffeur, love advice. Seems Morton is in love with Al’s beautiful sister Valeria. He tells Morton that a guy has to be mysterious, women love a man of mystery. He has to have some deep dark secret like a TeleNovela galan. Poor Morton, he has been dubbed the comic Naco relief in this TeleNovela.

Later when he is driving Valerie he tells her that he isn’t what she thinks. I’m not sure exactly what the deal was, there were gypsies mentioned, a break with the family and he is next in line for some huge inheritance from maybe European Royalty. Yes, folks it was that believable. Valerie regales us with peals of laughter and tells him, he must only have five neurons left. He has brain damage from alcohol. I guess this is an inside family joke since her mother is an alcoholic and her uncle is a vehicular manslaughter alcoholic. Big family dinners must be a riot in this house.

Damien is meeting with another businessman, it is something about the deal with buying the land. I guess the guy wants a cut. Damien offers him 50,000 pesos? They agree they have known each other for ever and they are businessmen. Now that the point is out of the way, yes he is a whore, but wait the price is 2,000,000 pesos. Damien is going to have a tough time laying his hands on that much scratch. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty when it comes to spousal life insurance.

I guess it is the next day and Mili arrives at the destination she was given. The secretary questions her and Mili goes all urban urchin gutter on her. I think the secretary is Const’s amante. She sends Mili (who is wearing her “good” clothes, cargos, tee shirts, but her hair is down) into Al’s office. She walks in and Al & Bobby are talking about her, mocking her. She then continues to go all gangsta on his ass. He threatens her with the police and makes her ask his Pardon. There was no job, it was all a ruse to make her apologize and learn her place. She is furious, but rather that go to juvie, she complies. Damn you Al, you will never break her spirit.

She exits the building, her friend Gloria is waiting. Mili won’t even answer Gloria, she walks into the street in front of a car. She has guttersnipe in the headlight eyes. The car doesn’t even touch her, but she falls to the ground. The driver gets out and runs to the front of the car. Why it is Const. Now if you watched yesterday, you see threads weaving this “Greek Tragedy”, she has already locked lips with her possible brother and she was a Zeus lightening bolt away from being run over by her own father.
I’m not even sure why she fainted unless it was a Zeus bolt unseen by human eyes. Ah the Gods are toying with us.

Const helps her up and all is well.

Meanwhile back at the home of twisted secrets; Damien is in his room. Karla comes in. Damien tries to get her to leave, but she says her mother is at the market and Karla won’t take no for an answer. She is all over Damien, they fall down on the bed.
Foiled again, Brau (the gloved majordomo) comes in with another servant girl. The new girl is like “See See, I told ya”.

Brau says he is going to tell Karla’s mother. Damien yells at Brau, but it doesn’t carry much weight.

Luci, Al & Valerie are all at the Church for some memorial service for I think Valerie’s father. There is an ad-hoc choir in front and Mili is singing. She is wearing her usual Carlito outfit. She starts singing all crazy and off key. Padre stops her and she leaves. Al follows her out.

----Okay Okay, I gotta interject here. We get it, she is spirited, but for the love of Gawd was she raised by the “Sisters of Lobo”? She is so over the top. She is nearly eighteen and appears to have this duo identity thing going. I mean she gets all dressed up to go to a club, but basically runs the streets like a twelve year old boy. Was she on a sabbatical to the Holy Land when basic manners were covered back in like the second grade? I know she was raised a poor orphan, but so was everyone else in there. It looks like it was a pretty fun place. This makes you rethink a good Catholic School upbringing. Maybe we haven’t seen the dark underbelly, was she forced to make knock off religious trinkets in a child sweatshop? I truly doubt this cause when I was in Mexico City, most of the religious trinkets that were being sold on the streets around the Basilica were made by unchristian children in Chinese sweatshops. If attitude flowed like sweat this girl would be soaking wet----

Al follows her outside and there is more verbal sparring. Princessa Valerie comes out and she joins in baiting Mili. Mili takes off after her. Now my money is on Mili, but really that isn’t saying much.

Now Luci approaches the Padre, she wants to employ a girl to be a companion to the Ol’ Lady, Const’s Ma.
The Padre’s face lights up. “Satan get behind Thee”, alas it is too late. You know he is going to send then Mili. Anyway it is three squares, a room and a few ducats, besides she will be out of their hair. Well I think this could work as the Padre most likely knows Luci is a drunk & besides this will teach them the meaning of tithing.
(As this whole conversation is going on we can see behind Padra & Luci, outside Al is running around outside with Mili over his shoulder). Ahhhh the promise of mucho Naco hijinks to come.

Back at the mansion, there is a shout down in the kitchen. The groundkeeper guy is all up in “The Pingueno’s Face”, hey it was his words not mine. Karla & Damien come in and Karla says it is all lies that Pingueno doesn’t like her. Well Karla neither do I, but that has nothing to do with why I think you are a skank. Damien threatens Pingueno and Pingueno exits. CookLady Ma, once again gives the laundry list of why Karla shouldn’t screw around with Damien. Karla being youthful, greedy and a smartass, thinks she has all the answers and Damien is her way out. I see no good coming of this situation.

At some point, Brau or the Penguin is up in the recluse Hugo’s room. He tries to talk to Hugo about Hugo’s dead girlfriend. Hugo laments his lost love. He tells Brau to take the untouched tray and go. He then glides his electric wheelchair over to the unfinished picture of the girl. Ah my love we well never be parted. See I think Mili would make a most excellent companion for this guy. Once she finds out that Const is her Pa, she will ready to go totally Goth on their asses and what better partner in crime?

Padre tells Mili explains her new job to her. She is crushed. She never wanted to leave the home, it is the only home she has ever known. She runs outside crying and runs into Al. He is surprised to see her crying and he hugs her. A kiss follows. She tells him she has to leave to parts unknown. Al is muy impacted. The tough veneer comes back up and the verbal sparring begins again.

When Al arrives home, Luci, Const & Damien are discussing the business. It is a no go, Damien owns 40% and he won’t give in. Al forces a vote, he thinks Luci will throw in with he & Damien, but she backs Const. Maybe Const has the keys to the liquor cabinet. Poor Al foiled again.

Meanwhile Damien tries to weasel a loan (yeah a loan, right) out of Const. “To go drink with your friends & play cards, as if”, Damien answers. Oh it is hard to live on the crumbs of others.

I think it is the next day.

Mili cries with Gloria about how much she will miss her and how she never wanted to leave the school. Gloria is overcome, the girls hug.

Over at the Mansion, Al talks to Granny, he tells her he is enamoured with someone who is very different from all the women he has been with. Ya think? I don’t see Delta Delta Delta, inviting Mili to pledge week. Granny talks about great love and makes some comment that I miss. Al says was it dead gramps? She is no, it was someone else. I think she was referring to Brittney and Kevin.

Downstairs, Luci is talking to Const’s amante. She is asking if he has a girlfriend, does he call anyone, see anyone? Amante lady says no. Const is a Saint. The wife is always the last to know.
Const while doing his best “Cesar Evora, “No Puede Ser” look inquires, “What are you doing here”. Luci says, “She is my friend and I invited her.” She then excuses herself to go and take some medication. I guess she is popping pills as well as drinking. Const grabs Amantes arm. Luci comes back in. Luci is called away as the new charge has just arrived.

Luci and Mili walk into Granny’s room, Luci introduces her. Granny’s mouth drops and Al’s face lights up. Mili cops an attitude.

In true TeleNovela form, I can see Mili becoming a combo of Liza Doolittle & what’s her name from “Sound of Music”, maybe Mili will lead the family thru the mountains to escape the Nazis. In the closing scenes it shows Mili all dressed up and almost touching Const’s shoulder as he looks out the corner of his eye. Don’t think it Const, you will feel so guilty when the truth is revealed.

Anyway…sorry if I missed parts, I am doing it from memory as I still had my recorder set for Pasions.

Stay tuned cause looks like Const tries to get a little with Amante in the living room.

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