Caray, Caray!

OK, so, Constancio hugs Mili and introduces her to everyone as his daughter…or at least he tries to. He tells them how much better he feels now that the cat's out of the bag, but Mili cracks up laughing. She reminds him that if he were her dad, she'd beat the smack out of him. Claudio grabs Constancio and calls him "Daddy". It's all too much for Constancio, who heads upstairs and skips dinner. Regina introduces Claudio to his "siblings" and Valeria, predictably, just walks off, but Alejandro makes nice. Hugo welcomes his new cousin at this "harmonious" time. Padre Manuel also asks to skip dinner, but he wants a word with Mili. He and Mili head off for the study while the others, except Andrea and Damian go in to dinner. Damian tells Andrea he's got to look after his own interests, never mind that the kid's no good for Andrea's plans.

Mili thinks the reappearance of Constancio's "son" is a miracle. Padre Manuel is pretty nervous, but won't say what's up. He gives up and says Milagros should get back to work. Mili makes fun of Constancio thinking she's his daughter and tells Padre Manuel that her real daddy's going to be a squished cockroach once Mili and her cuate Jesus get done with him.

Luciana gripes to Constancio about needing to get "that bastard" out of the house. Constancio agrees, but he objects to throwing the word "bastard" around so much and tells her if she's so against bastards, she should start by throwing out Alejandro.

Los del servicio are in the kitchen having dinner, Braulio included. Lina doesn't think it's fair that he doesn't get to have dinner with his nephew. Horacio is jealous of Braulio because he found his nephew, but Horacio hasn't found his daughter. Horacio gets all choked up and has to leave the table.

Claudio stuffs his dessert in his face and talks with his mouth full about needing to catch a bus back home. He wants to say goodbye to his "Abuela" but Alejandro says she's probably tired and he'll pass on the message. Damian takes Claudio home. Andrea tries to kiss Alejandro good night, but he turns his face. Hugo wants to continue their discussion about Carmen. Alejandro says he's tired of talking to Hugo when Hugo won't listen. Hugo disagrees and Alejandro changes his mind and says Hugo's deaf.

Out front, Damian coaches Claudio to be more affectionate to his new "family". Claudio hands over the money Regina gave him and Damian hands back $1500. Damian is such a parasite.

Mili goes up to say good night to Doña Regina. Doña Regina's down because she thought the reunion would be different, more affectionate. Mili begs for another chance for Claudio as he must be in shock. Regina agrees. Before Mili goes to bed, she asks Regina if, now that the real grandchild is found, she's not the pretend granddaughter anymore. Regina, with tears in her eyes, says Mili will never stop being her pretend granddaughter. She and Mili hug and cry. See, that's what Doña Regina was talking about--that's what the reunion should have looked like. Mili tries to lighten the mood by telling Regina to dream of angels and let her know how she (Mili) looks with wings on, ja, ja.

The next morning, Mili surprises Alejandro with roses for his room again. She nags him to get up and go to work and he tries to convince her to get in bed with him and wake him with cuddles. She starts to say something and he guesses that Sor Cachete told her if a guy wants to cuddle it ends up with him wanting to "hacer la cochinada" (do the nasty). Mili said she wasn't going to say anything about that, but she sees he's got his mind on the nasty. He wants her to hang out for a while and she's trying to beg off when someone knocks on the door and Mili hides behind the couch. It's Andrea, of course, who all but steals the roses, then tries to sneak into Alejandro's bath. He says he forgot he already had a bath and now he's in a hurry to leave. He shoves her out the door and says he's got to talk to her later. Andrea: "About the wedding preparations, right?" Alejandro: "Uh, yeah." Well, "Don't make any because I'm breaking up with you," counts as a conversation about wedding plans doesn't it? Mili pops up from behind the couch mocking Andrea and complaining that she stole the flowers. Alejandro reminds Mili that he's going to break up with Andrea soon and then they can celebrate that Mili's going to be the only adolescent girl, digo, woman in his life. He suggests dinner, but Mili wants to cook for him. They agree to have their dinner at Bobby's house tomorrow night since he's taking Valeria to the Rodeo tonight. Mili says they'll see each other at the rodeo. They kiss and we get the scratching record sound as Mili realizes that Alejandro is only wearing his "calzoncillos" (and praise be the wardrobe people that they're boxers and not briefs) and so she runs away to fight another day.

Constancio summons Claudio to the study for a chat. Claudio asks if he should call Constancio "boss" or "daddy." Constancio says not to joke around--they're going to go do a DNA test tomorrow. I guess Damian didn't think of that. Loser.

Damian comes to collect from Regina, but she tells him it will have to wait until after the DNA testing tomorrow. The little weasel tries to smarm his way out of it, but to no avail.

Rorgan asks Lina to be his first psstchoanalysis patient. He has her lie on a bench in the garden and start free associating. Lina starts talking about herself, how much she loves butterflies, her absent mom and dad. She thinks dad is handsome, tall, well-dressed, and rich.

Two out of three ain't bad. Horacio's in the kitchen, moping. Socorro comments that Braulio looked a bit pensive, as if the reunion wasn't quite what he expected. Horacio wonders if his daughter hates him like Mili hates her dad.

Lina finishes some story about fighting with a woman at the supermarket. Rorgan has fallen asleep. He flips open the book and diagnoses Lina with an Oedipal complex and a fear of incest and she's nuts. Lina asks if Rorgan doesn't have problems. He says Valeria and Bobby are both going to the Rodeo. Lina gushes about Bobby and Rorgan asks her to run interference for him. Sounds like a good plan. Lina is offended at the thought that Valeria might be acting "resbalosa" (giving him the slip, trying to get away from him) with Bobby.

Andrea comes to visit Luciana and tries to drive her a little bit more nuts. She says that with the arrival of "the bastard" she thought she'd find Luciana passed out drunk on the floor. But Luciana's determined to stay sober and get rid of both "the bastard" and Andrea.

Doña Regina has coffee with her two grandsons. Claudio's doing a better job of being mushy this morning. Alejandro invites him to the Rodeo (how long before they recognize each other?) and he accepts. Luciana walks in and tells him not to hang with the riff-raff, but Alejandro insists that he's got to hang out with his own brother. Claudio and Regina leave for the garden. Luciana asks Alejandro how things are going with Andrea and he avoids the question by leaving for work. She looks a bit worried.

Socorro sneaks into Damian's room looking for Roxana's address. She gets busted by Karla who tells Socorro where to find Damian's planner.

Valeria and her model friends, Bim and Bo, snark about going to the Rodeo that night. They remind Valeria that they've got to have their Naca disguises in place. Not to worry--Valeria has called Lina in to nacafy them. She tells Lina they want to fit in at the Rodeo and Lina graciously says she'll hook them up. Then the light bulb goes on over Lina's head as she shuts the door. Valeria and her friends laugh after Lina leaves. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lina.

Bobby invites Hugo out to the Rodeo with him, Alejandro, Valeria, Bim, and Bo. Hugo will think about it, but what he really wants is for Bobby to get information out of Alejandro. He tells Bobby that Damian told him that Carmen and Alejandro were kissing the day she died and then took it back. Bobby can't believe Alejandro would do that. Hugo says he doesn't know what to believe and he can't ask Alejandro because he'll deny it, so he needs Bobby to do it for him. He pulls the "you said we were friends" card on Bobby and asks for help putting his life back together.

Lina has put Valeria's hair into a style that looks like she went to prom yesterday then got completely smashed and slept in the back of the limo. Half up-do and half falling-down-do. Valeria asks if Lina and all the other "chamagosas" (filthy nacas) really do their hair like that. Nice talk, sugar mouth. Lina swears up and down it's how everyone looks. Bim and Bo are up for it, but Valeria's still cranky. Score one for Lina.

Socorro finds Roxana at the Refuge of Roulette and asks her where to find Horacio's daughter.

Alejandro asks Bobby to stay out of the apartment tomorrow night so he and Mili can have their romantic dinner together. He clarifies it's just dinner--nothing less, nothing more. He's looking forward to the alone time without a bunch of metiches around, but no, they won't be sleeping together because she's not that kind of girl. Bobby asks about Carmen and tells Alejandro that he's doing it on Hugo's behalf. Alejandro admits that he and Carmen had a thing. Carmen came at him and he just couldn't stop himself from boinking her. He has that problem with a lot of women, no?

Luciana comes to the Bunker to ask Mili to help get Andrea away from Alejandro for good. Mili's impactada. She reminds Luciana that Luciana's been insulting her from day one. Luciana says she didn't realize that Mili had a lot of good qualities. Plus she thinks Andrea will ruin Alejandro. On that she and Mili are agreed. Mili says it's as if when Andrea were made, she fell to the floor and "the Devil sucked on her." No, I swear, it's funny. It's from an old Pepito joke (Pepito is a little boy who is the subject of a lot of jokes in Spanish). Pepito drops a lollipop on the floor, picks it up and starts to lick it when his nanny tells him not to because the Devil already licked it. Later when the nanny falls on the floor and asks Pepito to help her back up, he says he can't because the Devil already licked her. Hm, maybe it's funnier when you're a kid. Most Pepito jokes are way dirtier than that. Back to el show…Luciana says that's why she needs Mili to help her, and she'll even compensate her for it. Mili excitedly tells her that they're already novios.

Alejandro tells Bobby that Carmen had a secret life as a skank. He resisted her "a thousand" times, but finally gave in. When she died, he thought it would be better that Hugo not know, but now he thinks it's better to tell Hugo and clear his conscience. Bobby advises him to just tell Hugo he kissed her and nothing more or Hugo will think that Alejandro took advantage of Carmen. Alejandro says that he's not the only guy Carmen slept with besides Hugo and he doesn't care what Hugo thinks of him, he's going to tell the truth.

Roxana threatens to throw Socorro out and keeps refusing to give her any information. She's glad that Horacio's suffering. Socorro reminds her that her daughter never did anything to deserve living without a father. Socorro assures her that Horacio will give his daughter everything to make her happy, but Roxana doesn't care. She calls the bouncers to throw Socorro out, but Socorro will not be thrown out of anywhere! She tells Roxana she's got "mala entraña" (bad guts?) and "atole" (traditional hot corn and chocolate beverage--you can get a packet of atole mix at most grocery stores, but I won't vouch for its quality) instead of blood in her veins. She leaves rather than be thrown out.

Mili explains that they hid their relationship so that Andrea wouldn't try to kill herself again. Luciana tells Mili it was a staged attempt. Luciana tells Mili to tell Alejandro to break up with Andrea ASAP. Mili thanks her lucky stars that she's got such a great future mother-in-law. She's even starting to love her ("querer"--and as we learned from beckster, that too will pass). Luciana asks Milagros not to tell Alejandro that they had this conversation. She reminds Mili that the relationship was supposed to be secret, but Mili told Luciana and she doesn't want Alejandro to get mad at her. She tells Mili to think of her as a friend, or a mother. Is there another word that's supposed to come after mother in that sentence?

Mili and Lina are at the Rodeo and they have a good laugh over Val, Bim, and Bo's outfits. Skanky guys hit on the trio. Alejandro comes to the table with Claudio, which pisses off Valeria. Bobby comes up and asks if Alejandro is asking the skanks what their price is…oops, he didn't notice that the head skank was his beloved Vale. Valeria points out Mili and Lina dancing. Bim (or is it Bo?) suggests they all go dance. Looks like some line dancing's going on. Everybody gets out on the floor. Valeria and Lina fight over Bobby, shoving each other out of the way. Mili shoves Bim away from Alejandro repeatedly. Rorgan shows up to partner Valeria and fights with Bobby over her--to begin with her name is Va-le-ria, not Vale! Hugo confronts Alejandro, but Alejandro says it's not the time or place. Hugo calls Alejandro a killer and shoves him. It's chaos as everybody shoves and punches everyone else for anything they've ever disliked each other for. The matchups are Hugo v. Alejandro; Lina v. Bim; Valeria v. Mili; Rorgan v. Bobby. I don't know if Bo fought with anyone, but Claudio mostly stayed out of it except for trying to pry some of the girls apart.

Cut to the Delegacion Benito Juarez. The slightly jazzy music of post-adolescent hijinx plays as we see all the girls in one cell on one side of the hallway and all the boys in a cell on the other side. Everyone looks the worse for wear and are huddled as close to the bars as they can get. Claudio quite innocently says that even though they're all in there, he's never had brothers or sisters before and he had a good time. "We should all go out again sometime!" Hugo smacks him upside the head for that as everyone groans. And in walk Constancio, Damian, and Braulio. Hey, wait, shouldn't there be a fourth horseman? Fin.

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