Caray, Caray!

Disclaimer: I am totally, completely and thoroughly responsible for typos and grammatical errors

As we found out yesterday, Tweedle Dumb is not nearly so dumb as we had previously thought since he’s figured out how to cajole Juan into taking him along by guilting Juanito. T1/aka Herbierto Chávez happily gathers his Gateway Computer suitcase into the cab with the Juans and they sail off to find Tweedle a new home so Juan and Juanito can get on with their life.

Paula’s still whining that she doesn’t fit her scanty outfits so well now that she’s three months along. The men in our audience are devastated, while we with the schoolmarm bent are relieved. Maybe we’ll have a few months where the story line takes top billing over the décolletage? Or, is that too much to hope? CL stands in the corner, actually delighted looking at the thought of his little wife expanding expectantly. He comes and cuddles her, complimenting how lovely she’s really looking now that she’s pregnant. That lasts about a second until they get back to business—which is actually competition for the same humongous account. CL’s just been looking for the right moment to tell her she’s not going to make ANY offer for Campeony. Paula doesn’t THINK so. And she’s pretty much as good as he is at the stare-down. Okay, we’ll be allies in love and enemies in biz. [Ed. Note: Well, one out of two right isn’t bad, CL.] We’ll see.

Juan negotiates a good deal for himself with the hostel operator—Tweedle’s paying all his own costs. Tweedle protests; he didn’t bring much cash. Your problem, buddy. Don’t spend unnecessarily. They try to tell Herbierto goodbye and he wavers—this place gives him a bad feeling. [Ed. Note: for someone so clueless, he must have one or two good sense neurons that kick in from time to time.] Juan asks if Tweedle wants to look for another place. Tweedle jumps on it and Juan disabuses him—fine, you’re welcome to go look on your own. The desk clerk, closed into his little cubicle behind glass for reasons known only to the clientele, gets Tweedle’s attention and T1 finds himself on his own.

Nidia paces her living room as the door slams and the bride and matron of honor [for lack of a better term] return from their makeup from the inferno session. Marely, the blonde Garish Geisha, faces off with Mami, who confronts her and asks what’s Marely thinking, shameless/brazen one (descocada)? Marely tries to explain away the makeup and the hairstyle (peinado) like a pineapple (piña), those were Yadi’s ideas. But that’s not it—when did you plan to let me know about your wedding to Fernando? Marely is so busted. And SO garish. Nidia continues to scold—Marely has made decisions under pressure, will be involved in a mess, and the last straw is she’s done it behind her mother’s back. Marely makes a weak protest that she wouldn’t understand. Nidia keeps yelling, of course she won’t especially since Marely’s marrying someone she doesn’t love. Marely points out she didn’t marry for love, either, and Nidia tells Marely for Pete’s sake, we aren’t talking about me. Yadi steps in and tries to improve on it here, reminding Nidia she’s no one to be giving advice. Marely wants to get married and Nidia should be supporting her. Nope! Marrying Fernando would be the worst stupidity of her life. Marely jumps up and retorts that she’s old enough to make her own decisions for her life. Nidia can get with the program or not, whether she likes it or not, Marely’s marrying Fern because he adores her. Nidia yells back—Marely says she cares about him and that’s enough. Nidia doesn’t think that will be enough. [Ed. Note: Neither do we, knowing what we know about Fern and Nidia.] Marely just doesn’t get why Nidia can’t go with the flow here. Nidia collapses in a Drama Queen Scene, they’ll hurry her to her grave. Is that what they want? Kill her by a massive coronary? She’ll leap out a window (voy a saltar de ventana, captioned incorrectly as ventaja, advantage). Nidia staggers around the living room in “anguish” and no one bothers to point out they’re on the ground floor, but two daughters rolling eyes with their hands on their hips says it all. Nidia laments that they’ve shown her the red card (me sarcaron la tarjeta roja) [a penalty in sports that according to Wikipedia, doesn’t warrant sending someone off to be punished, but Nidia sure seems to think she’s being sent off for punishment]. She swoons on the sofa, still whining—I love you a lot, children. Marely is thoroughly disgusted. Mama, this isn’t going to work. Delirio has finally come out of his stupor…er, office and wonders qué the heck is happening. How dare they disturb the peace in the house? Nidia claims she has to have a drink to forget a mother’s misfortune. She wants Yadi to hand her the bottle so she can erase this cassette completely, forget her pain. By now, Kike has joined the happy throng. What’s this scene about? Yadi chimes in that they know this scene. Nidia hops up, puts her cap on which was lost during her drama, and firmly advises marely that if she has to guard the door full-time, she’ll do it so Marely can’t go marry Fern. Did Marely hear? Over nidia’s dead body! She stalks off to the study. Marely’s distress is at high pitch. Delirio glares at Marely and Yadi looks sympathetic. That must be a first.

Last night, Sylvia speculated that Tweedle Dumb would rush out to find a pool hall; in fact, she was taking bets. Well, Tweedle is definitely cruising his new ‘hood, but he goes for his second favorite activity [could be third, if you count getting drunk separately from playing pool] and goes to find grub. He encounters strange sights and sounds on his little stroll. However, we can surmise his nose knows how to find food. On his stroll, we note a car slow and the driver/occupant giving Tweedle the once over. Nope, it’s the twice over. The driver likes what he sees. Heaven help us, it’s Pastor, also cruising the ‘hood. Except that it’s not his ‘hood. Apparently, it’s not only happening in Albany with high-priced chicas. Tweedle stands on a corner, apparently counting on his fingers and letting his nose do the directing. Pastor oohs and aahs over this vision of machismo before him. What say? Here’s another diamond in the rough country boor—er, boy, just itching for a makeover at the hands of the master. What a dream of a man! Tweedle makes a right turn and strides on in search of food [which we know because we watched while we were on the treadmill before we started to recap]. Pastor whips a right to follow slowly…..

At the Casa Cachón, all is not peaceful. There is pandemonium, in fact. Everyone’s screaming now except the baby, and for all we know she is too, but no one downstairs would be paying attention. Yadi screams for her mother to cease and desist; it’s Marely’s life. Nidia’s not budging. Marely yells for her to stand aside, and Nidia refuses. Delirio tries to get her to calm down in his own hysteria-inciting way, accusing her of being hysterical. She smacks him and he turns to the kids for help, protesting that she slapped him (me da soplamocos) in righteous indignation. He just wanted to help, he protests to Nidia, who accuses him of being a traitor because he’s not with her in opposing Marely’s wedding. Yadi screams that she has no right to spoil Marely’s wedding because she’s jealous of Fern. Nidia spreads her arms in front of the door—“that’s a lie!” “A lie? Don’t deny it! You want him for yourself!” Delirio shakes his finger at Nidia, getting a bit of the drift finally. “You’re talking about a betrayal???” Nidia turns it all around—her whole family is against her when she most needs them; they turn their backs on her. She rushes upstairs with everyone yelling about betrayals and such. Delirio and Kike are left downstairs. Delirio tries to get it out of Kike- what does he know about it? What’s this about marely getting married and Nidia is jealous because of Fern? Kike’s eyes get big—that’s what he’s asking, how can she be getting married? Well, the only thing Kike knows is Fern mentioned it, but he didn’t know Fern meant….today. Delirio is impactado and Kike sees his moment to run like crazy as there is a knock on the door.

It’s Juan and Juanito, home to the beloved family. Kike is ecstatic to see them, and Delirio yells that this is all they needed just now. Now this house is a total nuthouse (manicomio). Delirio goes upstairs, leaving the cuckoo clock chiming and Juan/ito wondering qué the heck is happening here. What’s the drama? Did someone die? Kike tries to explain- if only it was that someone had died. Marely is marrying Fern. Today. Juan/ito are impactados.

Well, Tweedle’s nose for food is infallible and he’s found good grub cheap. He orders, keeps calling the waitress back and adding things, delighted that there are foods he recognizes on the menu—how funny, just like his abuela used to make in Achichipico. [No Taco Bell in this neighborhood of the D. F., Herbierto.] Pastor has found his way into a seat at the next table and lights up when he hears the name of that magical place. He gives Tweedle a third time over, now close up.

Juan leans his arm on the mantel so we can see the reclining relief body behind him on the wall. He urges Kike close so he can get the scoop. Did Fern TELL Marely? What? Kike looks carefully over his shoulder at Juanito, who is content to play with a toy. Juan looks exasperated. You KNOW what. He leans over and whispers to Kike, who asks, “you mean what happened in the past?” Yes, yes. Juan is trying to get him on the right track and get him to shut up at the same time. Juanito’s little ears are all perked up; he knows something’s up. Kike assures Juan marely knows nothing of that little thing. Juan says when she finds out it’s going to begin WW III. Juanito holds up his index finger for a turn to talk. He’s clearly been in school long enough to know the rules. What? Juanito announces he’s on Nidia’s side. Why? Because Marely can’t love Fernando because she still loves you. [Ah, isn’t a child’s totally logical wisdom refreshing in a world of people who tap-dance around topics?] Juan is impactado bemused and a little pleased while Kike is just pleased and gives us a “I told you so” shrug with a giant smile.

Delirio has decided to go after Nidia. He’s declaring that falling in love with a beardless youth (wet behind the ears is how we’d say it in English) who on top of that is your daughter’s BF is nervy beyond the boundaries of good sense. She points out she never fell in love with him and he chased her. She wasn’t interested in him. Not now, or in a prior time. The nerve of HIM to take up with her daughter after she gave him a brush off. Delirio can’t believe his ears. This guy’s intention must be to use Marely to get vengeance on you because you didn’t give in to his passionate advances! Nidia sees an out here for herself. She hadn’t thought about it that way. [Ed. Note: d*** right you hadn’t, since you were all hot to trot and you’re feeling guilty as the devil here.] Delirio babbles on about so much perversion in this boy. But, as the man of the house, Delirio can’t permit such a travesty. Nidia wants to know where he’s going? To do his duty, Delirio tells her. Nidia is a little impactada. And wary.

Marely scrubs the Garish Geisha Garb off her face while Yadi paces and complains about the situation. They both agree that Nidia’s nuts and trying to ruin the wedding over some whim about Fern. She tries to re-make the make-up disaster and Marely retorts that there’s no point if they’re not letting her leave. They fuss and there’s a knock at the door. “Who?” Yadi screams at the door. Of course, we know it’s Juan, but Marely and Yadi are impactadas and run to the door at the sound of his voice. What’s he doing here? He’s just bouncing back in. He’s found out what’s going on and he’s come to save Marely. Marely just glares at him as the finale of a great opera plays.

Kike gets Jito settled into Juan/ito’s room. Juanito, still spouting wisdom, reckons they’ve arrived just in time to prevent Marely from marrying Fernando. He’s all smiles. Kike thinks they better not have too high hopes of it, because the women of the house are just a few bricks short of a load and one never knows with them what’s going to happen. The cuckoo chimes. Juanito is adamant that Marely loves his papa, so why isn’t anyone believing him? Kike believes him and shares his thoughts, but….Juanito continues—he’s equally adamant that his Papi loves Marely. [Ah, the sweet dreams of children. Juanito knows what a good Mama Marely will be.] Kike tries to counsel Jito. Yes, they care about each other, but who knows if it’s in the same way. But, thinking about it a little more, Kike concludes Juanito might be right. Juanito looks a little smug. Maybe not all is lost for Marely and Juan?! Juanito nods in agreement.

A big chest and two heavy lions on top of it now guard the front door. [Question: where’s the other fire exit in this house?] Delirio is sitting, face to face with the Lion Guards, and Yadi is face to face with Delirio, yelling about why he’s interred them with the door blocked like this. He retorts that he’s not letting anyone set foot into this sacrosanct home. He growls, lunges up from his chair a bit, and yells some more pontifications at Yadi, but appears to be stuck to his chair as she charges off, p***ed as heck.

Upstairs, Juan is having a heart to heart with Marely. He tries to talk her out of a marriage in which she won’t be happy. If anyone deserves the skies and the stars, it’s her. He takes her hand, beseeching her, kissing her hand. Marely’s face clouds up with sadness. Juan tells her she’s a treasure, a jewel that can’t be given to just anyone. She can’t marry Fern, and he thinks that she knows it deep down. She tells him yes, she does love Fern. He’s earned her affection. She turns away a little as Juan touches her chin—“but not your love.” Juan continues. “You know something? To love and to care are not the same thing. José José said that, and it’s the real truth.” [José José, El Príncipe de la Canción (The Prince of Song). AKA Don Erasmo Padilla of La Fea fame.] Marely is quiet and somber. Juan wants to save her from a marriage without love. It’d be okay at first, but as time passes, it’d end up in ruins. She accuses him of saying that because of his own impossible love. Juan retorts gently that he says it because of that love and all the others. There is just one way to love, and she doesn’t love Fernando in that way. He begs her not to continue because one day, she will find the real love she wants and she’ll fall in love. She says that day already happened a while ago and it couldn’t be. She stands up, beginning to cry. He asks if that was on account of him. Marely turns on him, angry – it wasn’t him, it was someone else. The world doesn’t revolve around Juan. Does he think he can suddenly show up and tell her not to marry? He’s very wrong. Juan tries to explain again and Marely cuts him off. He just wants to meddle in her life like all the others and he has no right. Juan asks her if her love for Fern is enough to pardon WHATEVER things he’s done in the past? Whatever shortcomings he has in the future (whatever mistakes he makes)? Marely shakes her head. I don’t know what you’re trying to say. (What you’re referring to).

Tweedle eats and studies the check. Pastor greets him, “Good morning, sir. Pardon me for approaching you in this way, but I couldn’t help but overhear you mention Achichipico; I wondered if I had mis-heard you?” Tweedle, who looked at him warily, brightens up little at the mention of his beloved hometown. Nope, Pastor heard correctly. Pastor waxes eloquent about how incredible it is. Tweedle, who is not nearly so dumb as we have thought, realizes this may not be a Good Thing. He looks askance at Pastor’s monologue. Pastor continues; who would have thought that Fate would put two men in the same place who know about Achichipico. Tweedle utters a “Qué” in a voice about two octaves above usual and in three short stutters. Nothing unnerves our Tweedle, and here he is, totally unnerved. [Ed. Note: Here’s a twist your recapper never expected, but welcomes. Herbierto has always been the annoying and unwelcome pursuer of the muchachas, and now it’s his turn to be the pur-sooo-ey. For those of you who’ve never hung around farms in the Heartland, those last two syllables are very meaningful and describe how we might call Herbierto at mealtime.] Pastor taps his fingertips together coyly and continues that he means that one of their possibly mutual acquaintances is from Achichipico. Herbierto’s eyes get big. Pastor asks if maybe the gentleman knows this mutual friend? Tweedle doesn’t even want to hear who it is, he doesn’t THINK so. He jumps up to pay his bill and get the heck out. Pastor keeps trying; he didn’t want to be a bother but just wanted to chat and perhaps buy Herbierto a beer. Herbierto has apparently gone stone cold sober. NO, THANKS! Our dear Tweedle drops the cash on the table, all complaining about the cost driven totally out of his mind, and bids Pastor farewell as efficiently as possible—see ya, chaparrito (Shorty, but more like “super-Shorty” from my Mexican Slang plus Graffiti), leaving Pastor to gaze longingly after him. “Chaparrito! How sweet!”

Marely is still defending her marriage to Fernando. He’s been a total gentleman with me; he’s been sincere, honest and respectful. Juan gazes to the ceiling, looking for inspiration on how to convey what he wants her to hear and not really SAY it. “Well, maybe not as much as you think he has.” She screams at him to butt out of her life. And he shouldn’t be thinking of bad-mouthing Fern to her face like that. She throws him out of her room. Juan tells Marely he only wants her to listen to him. She yells at him to just get out already. Juan stands outside, tempted to knock again and sighs. Kike comes along to announce that they’re all settled in. Juan sarcastically remarks that Marely’s left him all settled in, all right. She threw him right out. Kike wants to know if she’s still going through with it (still mounted on her burro?) The worst of it is that the more he tried to convince her, the more she dug in (aferrarse- cling, hang on, dig in). He was this far from spilling the beans, but that’s not his job. It’s someone else’s. Kike points out Fern had his opportunity and didn’t want to do it. He even told Kike he didn’t want to lose Marely for anything in the world. Juan isn’t talking about Fern. He nods toward the door of Nidia’s room and Kike’s eyes follow, very bug-eyed impactado. Juan nods firmly. Yep.

Next thing we know, Juan is making the rounds of the Cachón ladies bedrooms and is comforting Nidia. She’s thanking God he’s shown up at just the right moment. There’s no doubt that he’s the angel God has assigned to this family to help them overcome the most difficult times. He’s so glad she sees it like this because he’s here for a while and brought Juanito. Perfect, what we’re lacking in this house is Real Men. She supposes he’s heard about Marely’s situation. (Her latest joke). He has to talk to her and stop this mistake (desatino). Juan can’t do that. He tried, but couldn’t. She should at least tried to get Marely to understand. Nidia laments that she won’t listen to reason, just like her father. Juan points out it could be just like her mother. Nidia whines that he just got here and already begins to scold her. She tries to get him to hug her again, but he’s not interested. You’re telling me she won’t listen to reason. I’m asking you, Doña Nidia, does Marely KNOW the reasons? Nidia hedges….not everything. But it’s not that. She doesn’t love him. Juan looks firmly at her. “Doña Nidia.” She tries to minimize what happened with her and Fernando, but he reminds her that he knows perfectly well what happened and how far it went. If marely knew this, perhaps she’d understand the reasons. Nidia is afraid Marely will lose all respect for her. Marely will reproach her the rest of Nidia’s life, and especially because she didn’t say something sooner. Juan asks if she’d rather have her daughter’s respect, or her daughter happiness? Nidia is impactada at the thought.

Pastor can’t WAIT to tell Ivonne about his fabulous news. She’s all ears for gossip. He sighs with pleasure and describes the uncommon man he’s found: a rancher, rough, uncultured, a real Neanderthal. [Ed. Note: Actually, that pretty much described how we view Herbierto, too. For us, though, it’s not a compliment.] In just a word, the perfect man. Ivonne wants to know if anything happened. He wants her to guess about this marvel, where he’s from. Where? Achichipico. She can’t believe it, Juan’s town? Pastor chortles gleefully. Imagine! This place must be a real paradise full of gods. But, his fantasies are all in vain. [Ed. Note: Herbierto would be in full agreement here.] Well, Ivonne points out, they’re both single again. Why don’t they go to the movies? Nope, sorry, Pastor has a commitment. What? Some friends are getting married. She looks at him suspiciously. He has no friends, except her. Who’s getting married? She wheedles out of him that Fernando and Marely and Fern are marrying. Ivonne is impactidíssima.

Juanito has had a bright idea and skipped on upstairs to talk to Marely. Apparently, he’s learned how to bedroom-hop from his Papi though for much more age-appropriate reasons. Marely greets him warmly. Could he talk to her, Juanito wants to know? Sure, but he needs to greet her first. He gives her a little kiss on her cheek and she brings him in. Okay, Juanito, what do you want to tell me? They sit on the edge of her bed, his big eyes innocently watching her face. He only came to tell her that he and his Daddy are going to stay there, and she’ll see, she and Juanito’s Papi will end up as sweethearts. Marely is impactada at this bold declaration. Juanito continues that if she marries Fernando, that can’t happen. His little face is so sad and regretful. She thanks him with a smile and tells him that his Papi and she care about each other in a different way, like friends. She’s going to marry Fern because he’s very good, and she wants to be his wife with all her heart. But, Juanito laments….Marely breaks in that he’ll understand some day. She’s made the decision and isn’t going to change. Okay? He sighs and reluctantly nods.

Pastor is trying to coax Ivonne out of her pique. He just learned about he wedding and it was very bad form of Fern to let them know last minute. But he swears he knew nothing before today. But then, why didn’t he call her immediately? He knew perfectly well her feelings about Fern and that this would break her up. He should have told her anyway, Ivonne protests, and she never wants to see him again. He begs her not to get like that. Ivonne breaks his grip on her and hurries off, crying.

Nidia thinks about Juan’s last words to her as she cries on her bed. What’s more important to you: your daughter’s respect or her happiness? The car that will take Marely to the wedding pulls up outside the Casa Cachón. Marely sees it, the concern and trepidation clear on her face. The dress isn’t nearly so bad as we expected after Yadi took charge. It’s got décolletage, but we’ve seen worse since June. Yadi takes charge again, exhorting Marely to get on down. “Whoever wants to come, can come, and if not, then not.” Yadi laughs to break the tension. What if Perafán won’t let me leave? Yadi tells her well, then, he’ll have to tangle with the Cachón sisters. Marely smiles gratefully and they hug.

The Lion Guards roar and so does Delirio, still semi-glued to his chair. [Ed. Note: What’s up with that?] Juan and Kike try to argue him out of sitting in front of the blocked door. Delirio’s Not Moving from Here. Juan protests that they have to help Marely while Kike looks at his watch. Delirio repeats his refusal and Juan craftily tells Kike he’s totally within his right (not to move himself from there). Juan moves Juanito out of the way, and Kike and he saunter over to Delirio’s sides. Juan decries acts of violence, and the boys pick Delirio up and move him away from the door, kicking and screaming.

Fern is running late and rushing like crazy to get himself to the church—uh, reception hall—on time. He grabs a few things and hurries to open the door to….Ivonne. What is SHE doing here. She closes the door and leans back on it, begging him not to marry.

Yadi is bemoaning that the wedding isn’t at church, but Marely says later, when everyone can accept it. Yadi gets the veil on and Marely looks like death warmed over for all her make-up. Her pineapple hairdo is now a freefall hairdo, thank heaven. Yadi beams—ready? Nidia come in, asking for a moment alone. Yadi begins to threaten—if she begins again with her plan….Nidia says she won’t prevent Marely from leaving the house if that’s what she wants. After she’s heard what Nidia has to say. Marely gets up and tells Yadi to advise the chauffeur that she won’t be long coming down. Yadi, sparkly lime green dress all glittering and swingy, stalks past her mother, closing the door smartly. Nidia wrings her hands and begins; I told you I don’t believe in your marriage to Fernando because you don’t love him. I swear on my life, that’s true. But, it’s more than that. There are other reasons you can’t, shouldn’t get married. Fernando was my lover. Marely is IMPACTIDÍSSIMA.

Nidia tearily continues that it happened before Marely was his girlfriend. Marely grits her teeth and spits back at her mother that she never thought her mother could be capable of something so low and despicable. Nidia tries to explain that these are things that happen and leave one ashamed. Marely continues that she never dreamed her mother would be able to invent something so odious (disgusting). Nidia protests that she’s telling the truth. Marely wants to know why Nidia can’t just let her get on with the wedding, and why she can’t help like Marely has helped her. Nidia tries to reach out to her daughter and Marely pushes her away. Nidia swears she’s not lying. Marely retorts that she doesn’t believe a single word. Nidia has never been more honest, though. Fernando fell in love with her. Marely scoffs—all that’s missing is that he asked you to marry him, huh? No, but he wanted me to leave Alirio and have something more formal with me. Mother, for pity’s sake, I don’t want to end up hating you! Nidia tells Marely to hate, but don’t commit the worst mistake of her life. Don’t marry without love! She reaches out again and Marely tells at her. “Don’t TOUCH me!” She picks up her bouquet and storms by her mother with Nidia trailing, calling her. “Don’t get married! You have to listen to me!” Yadi runs up the stairs and Kike looks terribly worried. He tries to comfort Nidia because there is nothing more to be done. Nidia goes to Juan, crying. “I lost my daughter, Juan, I lost her.” Juan hugs Nidia and comforts her, very somber.

Ivonne begs Fernando not to marry Marely. Fern tells her to move aside, please, but Ivonne tells him he’s committing a foolish mistake. She loves him still. Fern yells that she lost her opportunity, so get away from the door. He’ll be late. Ivonne’s not moving from there. Fern rushes her and pushes her aside. She calls after him not to go and weeps against the closed door, inside his apartment.

Delirio has figured out how to unlock the study door and finds that he’s boxed into the study with a Lion Guard sitting on top of the chest. [Apparently no one has paid close attention—there’s crawl space under that chest]. He growls about being hemmed in and yells at the abusive ones to show their faces.

Kike, Yadi, Juan and Jito have taken the elegant red and white pickup limo on the way to the wedding. Yadi can’t believe her sis took off without her. Juan commiserates with Marely—she hasn’t deserved what’s happening here. Yadi worries that if she cries too much, she’ll ruin her make-up. [We, however, would be thrilled if some of it washed off.] Yadi babbles on about the wedding, what a shame, and Kike responds from time to time. Juan looks as somber as we’ve ever seen him. Juanito, with a child’s faith, sits with his eyes shut and fingers crossed, no doubt petitioning the Blessed Child of Atocha. My bets are all on Juanito’s prayer. Juan thought bubbles about the wedding, and how he tried to tell his little rose garden and she refused to believe Nidia. But, the doubts were planted. It’ll grow. Juanito looks around as if he’s wondering if anyone can hear his silent prayer. Juan sighs.

Fern blasts into the valet parking at the reception hall. He jumps out, throws the keys at the valet, and runs…into Marely who is outside on the walkway around the hall. He rushes to excuse himself for being late, and she’ll never guess what happened. He notices her dismal look and gets tender—what’s happened? Fern holds her chin in his hands. She begs him to please take her far, far way because she doesn’t want to be here. They can get married any place. Please! Fern wants to know why’s she in such a state. Well, Marely tells him, you’ll never believe what my mother tried to do so I wouldn’t become your wife. It was the WORST! Fern wants to know, but she doesn’t want to repeat it. Fern is terrified and asks her to tell him, please. She said you and she have been lovers. Fern lets out a breath in fear and resignation.

Delirio listens to Nidia, on her bed crying again. She only wanted Marely to be happy. It can’t happen with Fern. Delirio, still clueless, points out Marely chose him and she’s our daughter, so we have to support her. It was inevitable. He tells Nidia he’ll be there for her, helping get that marriage on the right road. Nidia protests that her girls never have seen him as a father, and never will. Well, he grumbles, that’s why they commit this foolishness, because they never let him counsel them or guide them through life, which isn’t as easy as they think. Nidia yells at him to shut up already. He makes her SICK. Delirio pacifies her (his little cotton candy) and gets up to go. Just rest. But, no, there’s one last question. At any time did That Man make any indecorous propositions to her? She yells at him to get the heck out and starts throwing things at him.

Marely talks a mile a minute now that she’s blurted out her mother’s allegation. They better get to the salon, since the guests will surely be there already. She fans herself to calm down and cool off. Fern, as serious as we’ve ever seen HIM, starts to speak. “Marely, Marely…what your Mami told you….is true.” He shudders as he says it. Marely looks up in utter shock, speechless.

The red and white pickup limo has arrived in grand style. The valet points the little group in the right direction and they rush off to the wedding…Not. Instead, they find Marely rushing toward them, away from the wedding. What’s wrong, Yadi wants to know. Marely tells them not to bother going in, because there is no wedding. Yadi tries to ask what’s happening and Marely hails a taxi. Juan tries to find out what she’s doing as Marely hops into the taxi and urges him to get far away fast. She doesn’t want to talk to ANYONE. Juanito and Kike look on in concern. Marely needs to be alone, and urges the driver on. Juanito, wise one that he is, asks “then, Marely isn’t getting married?” He grins up at his Papi, who isn’t paying attention. Juan watches the cab and stammers that she’s not getting married. Juanito does his “yeeeessss” dance. He’s probably thanking the Blessed Child of Atocha, too. Papi and Yadi glance down in shock at his beaming little face and Juan looks back at the disappearing taxi.

Ivonne has found her way out of Fern’s apartment to a restaurant where Erika of the prostate diagnosis infamy is coming to meet her. Ivonne thanks her for coming. “How could I not come? What IS going on with you?” Ivonne’s voice squeaks with the tears coming down freely. She’s definitely lost Fern. He’s getting married as we speak.

It’s probably rude to speak of the King of Rome when he is so miserable. Fern is practically in fetal position, curled up on the ground by an iron railing on a walkway outside the reception hall, also in tears. Juan and the others find him here and ask what happened, reporting that they just ran into Marely running the other direction. Yadi wants to know what he said to her. Fern speaks through his tears; he told her the truth. He lost her. Lost her forever. Yadi wants to know what truth and Kike puts his hand on her shoulder to restrain her. Juan tells Fern it’s good he faced up to it before they were married. Yadi wants to know what faced up to. Juan gives her a Look and gives Kike a look beseeching him to shut her up. Fern cries harder; Marely isn’t going to give him a second chance and won’t ever forgive him. Never. Yadi keeps trying to find out what’s happening, and Juanito is concerned, too. Kike tells Yadi, please, let it be. Yadi fusses that it’s about her sister. Fern cries that Marely doesn’t care about him any more, and was never in love with him, and he loves her more than anything in the world. Resignation, Juan tells him, resignation. [Ed. Note: Juan’s never going to be a counselor. This is so not the right thing to say in this situation.] Fern continues to cry—what is he going to do without her? Pastor comes beaming up. Juan, what a surprise! I didn’t know you’d come back to the city! Juan tells Pastor he’s just arrived. [Ed. Note: One would think Pastor would note this sad scene, what with Fern curled up on the ground and leaning against a pillar, crying—all 6’6” or so of him—Juan crouched down and holding Fern’s hand, and the others hovering around protectively. But no, Pastor is out catting around and finding Juan, he’s happy as a hog in slop.] Finally, Pastor gets with the program. What’s up here? Don’t tell me Marely’s flown the coop? The judge is asking about the couple, he’s in a hurry. And the guests are hungry. Sheesh. Yadi quietly tells him there won’t be a wedding. It’s cancelled. Pastor feigns a wide-eyed impactado. What barbarity. You want me to tell the judge he can go? Please, Don Pastor, Juan tells him. And the guests? Also them, please. Oh, how rude. The whole banquet is paid for, and the menu looks delicious. They aren’t at fault, and they’ve been inconvenienced. Fernando quietly pipes in; they can eat if they want. And you don’t want to explain to them what’s happening, Fernando? Fern tells Pastor no, he doesn’t want to. He just wants to get far away. He begs Juan to take him out of there. Kike and Juan rush to help him up while Pastor finally has the good sense to look a little concerned. Fern collapses crying against Juan, who hugs him and pats his back while Kike also comforts from behind Fern.

A very borracha Ivonne slurs that she deserved this. Does Erika know why? Because of her stupidity, Ivonne declares. She would have preferred César Luis Farell, the egotist, the wretch, in place of Fernando. Fern is a good boy, decent, Ivonne laments. He offered her the entire world and she gave him the brush-off. And now he’s going to be the husband of this insipid Marely! And me, I’ll be an old maid, without a boyfriend, without even a dog to bark at me. Erika strokes her cheek to comfort Ivonne. It’s not fair! Erika tries to reason with her, but to no avail. Ivonne celebrates her pity party with another double shot of tequila.

Juan tells the others that he’s taking Fern home and he’ll be back. He jumps in the driver seat and Fern gets into the passenger side as the others watch sadly. Kike tells Yadi and Juanito that Fern looks very, very bad off.

Paula fusses at CL about how late they are—they won’t arrive on time for the wedding. He fusses back—does she think he can turn the car into a ‘copter? He tells her that it’s her fault since she tried on every dress in the closet first. She retorts that if he’s going to be snotty (pesado – annoying, tedious, stodgy, but let’s just translate this loosely for now), she’d rather they stay silent. Perfect, he tells her, and babbles on about how she’ll need the quiet to plot (urdir) stuff against him about her work on that big account that Farell really needs. Is he going to begin with this AGAIN? It’s better if they don’t bring up work because they always end up arguing. He accuses her of robbing his ideas and taking them to Anga. She retorts that she didn’t have to rob a thing; these are her own ideas. He spits back that she really needs to give up this job, stay home, and take care of her pregnancy. Listen to the most macho of all the machos in Mexico! The little woman, at home, tending to her chores! That would suit CL just fine.

Juan’s brought Fern a little cup of tea, telling him he’ll sleep like a groundhog (marmota-marmot or groundhog if it’s la marmota de America). Fern pushes it away—he doesn’t want it. He needs to see her and begs Juan to help him. What he had with Nidia was fleeting and he has to explain to Marely how sorry he is. Juan can talk to her. Juan tells Fern she’s likely to be hurting badly for a while and it’ll take time. Fern begs Juan to go on his behalf, please, and talk to her. Explain to her. [Ed. Note: Apparently he hasn’t read enough US History. The guy who went and spoke for another (John Alden for Miles Standish) ended up with the girl (Priscilla Mullins). It’s a good strategy in theory, but pragmatically, it’ll work just as well in this situation as it did for old Miles.] Fern babbles on sadly. She’ll never forgive him. What’s he going to do? Juan tells him again to give it time, and cheer up. Fern groans, sobs a little and begs Juan again to speak to Marely for him. Juan knows better how to do it than Fern. Make her see her that Fern loves her, adores her. Juan promises to do it. Fern wants him to call her on the phone right now. Juan puts him off about calling Marely, and tries to calm him. Fern is not alone.

Juanito rushes into the house, calling for Marely. Yadi can’t understand this kid, he seems happy that there was no wedding. Kike chuckles to himself. He tells Yadi he’s going up to see his Princess. Yadi hisses at him to bring his okole right on back here. What was all that about? She didn’t insist on the ride home because of Juanito, but she wants to know what came down between Fern and Marely. What happened with what? What did he confess to my sister, and I’m not going to sleep until I get answers. Kike looks distinctly uncomfortable. Well, it’ll have to wait, because Delirio heard the voices [Ed. Note: I could be really rude here, but I guess I won’t.] Why aren’t you at the fiesta? Kike stutters around with a fake smile. The wedding was cancelled. Delirio is delirious. This girl came to her senses! She’s listened to the wise counsel of her Mami. I am SO happy! I’m going to tell her right now that Marely cancelled the wedding! Nidia’s almost downstairs, in time to hear this. What did you say, Alirio? That my daughter didn’t get married??? He waxes eloquent with a totally unrelated compliment that’s worthy of some Really Bad Poet. Nidia is thoroughly relieved; she didn’t get married, thanks be to God! Juanito bounds down the stairs—Marely is not in her room! Yadi is impactada—how strange. We thought she came here. Nidia is impactada, too.

Pastor, the self-proclaimed Official Greeter and Bearer of Bad News, stops Paula and CL in the hallway at the reception hall. He hasn’t had the opportunity but congratulates her on her pregnancy. Thanks, but the reception is there, right? She points. Pastor acknowledges that it is, but he recommends they don’t go. It’s not really like a party, more like a wake. Paula is impactada and CL is taken aback, too. Almost no one is there and the atmosphere leaves a lot to be desired. Huh? Have the newlyweds (novios) left? It’s not that late. Pastor takes great pains to inform them that the couple (novios, another definition) didn’t do the deed (acto-ceremony) in the salon--there was No Wedding. More impactados.

Delirio paints a his usual gloomy picture—this girl could be in serious trouble in the dark and stormy streets of the D. F. [okay, it wasn’t stormy, I added that for effect]. Yadi jumps up, not willing to think of her sister’s peril. Nidia laments that Marely is all broken up and broke, they have to go look for her immediately! Kike, with a cooler head, wants them to wait there until Marely comes home. The phone rings. Paula wants to know if Marely is in. Delirio yells that she’s Not There. Paula wants to know if they know how to find Marely. NO. He slams the phone down. CL wants to know why she didn’t ask what happened. She retorts that it seemed the better point of wisdom to say nothing. Especially to that odious Perafán. CL actually agrees with her. If Perafán answered, she did the right thing.

The residents of the Casa Cachón sit, pace and stand around, worried sick until the door closes. The all rush to find Juan coming in, worn and tired. Juan tells them he left Fern half asleep. The poor guy, he’s destroyed. He’s never seen him so distressed. Nidia breaks in that he deserved it. It’s his fault all this happened. [Ed. Note: not to put too fine a point on it, but it isn’t ALL his fault, Nidia.] It’s his fault her Marely is going through who knows what kinds of dangers. Juan is impactada. Marely? Kike hesitantly tells Juan that she’s never returned. They’re all extremely worried. Juan thought bubbles to his Blessed Child of Atocha not to let this happen to Juan. Don’t do anything stupid, please! [Ed. Note: was he talking to Marely or telling the Blessed Child not to do anything stupid?]

Well, any similarity to reality is purely coincidental. It just seemed awfully real tonight, that’s all.

Monday: Will Marely come home? Will Juan and Paula be able to concentrate on business?

Vocabulary

Descocada - shameless/brazen one
Me sarcaron la tarjeta roja - they’ve shown me the red card, sidelined or suspended me from the game or imposed a penalty (that doesn’t involve sending a player in an athletic game off permanently)
Me da soplamocos - she slapped me
Chaparrito/Chaparro- Shorty (super-shorty), from the Mexican Slang plus Graffiti book
Montada en su burro – going through with it (mounted on her burro)
Aferrarse- cling, hang on, dig in
Desatino – mistake, blunder
Urdir – plot
Acto - ceremony

Jeanne

Labels: Juan