Caray, Caray!

Dr. House is at a PG-rated nudie bar, watching a girl dance. Suddenly he realizes that he can't remember coming to the bar. The dancer tells him he hasn't even had a drink yet. House discovers that he has a bleeding head wound and is suffering from retrograde amnesia.

He limps outside to find the street clogged with police cars, ambulances, a crashed bus, and a trashed garbage truck.

But that is not our story.

(When I agreed to do Monday nights, I didn't realize that House was moving to Monday nights too. It's still the best weeknight for me to recap, but I don't know why they had to move House. It's okay, though, because there's only one new episode left after tonight.)

Back to church, where Sofia is blithely lighting a candle, and Feonando is warning the padre that he's about to lay some heavy stuff on him.

"It was I who raped Sofia. I raped her." The padre reacts by moving his head slightly. (Please imagine that his eyes widen with surprise.) Not far away, with her back turned, Sofia continues to pray, oblivious to the ethical trainwreck happening behind her.

Franco opens his eyes for a moment, but can't stay conscious long enough to answer his brothers' queries as to who beat him up. Still, they are happy that he seems to be doing a little better.

At the nightclub, Rosario fumes about the beating. Ofelia warns her that she now knows what Feonando is capable of. She must stay away from Franco!

"But I looooooove him," Rosario protests. Now that she's seen him all pulpified and defenseless, she loves him more than ever. (blech) Ofelia says that if she loves him that much, she needs to sacrifice that love before Feonando kills him with his bare hands. Rosario curses Feo and says not even God can have pity on this guy.

Fr. Tadeo finally snaps out of it and asks Feo to confirm what he just said. Feo repeats that it was he who raped Sofia on her way home from teaching catechism. The padre is like, oh no you dittent!! No way, it can't be.

Just then, a crazy wind blows out all the candles. Feo tosses a casual glance over his shoulder as Sofia shivers.

"How can you be so cold-blooded?" the padre asks, "to confess this horror with such satisfaction?"

Feo claims that it was tough for him to say it, but the padre insisted, and that gave him the courage to speak. "Ever since I met Sofia, she struck me with her beauty; she never looked at me - it was like I didn't exist. That's why I decided to make her mine at any cost. I began by watching her, waiting for the right moment, and that moment was not long in coming."

Fr. Tadeo begs Feo to stop talking.

"You can't refuse to listen to a sinner's confession. What kind of priest are you? You're obliged to listen to me, and you're going to do it!" (Feo tilts his head from side to side, the way people do when they have to crack their necks.) "So I laid in wait for Sofia, like a hunter awaiting his prey. I waited at the church exit; she walked by unsuspectingly."

Feo grins through the confessional screen. "And when she least expected it, I attacked her. I attacked her, Padre, and made her mine." Another Cheshire grin.

"How can you say you love Sofia, if you were capable of something so vile?" In an increasingly loud voice, he explains that if you love someone, you'll give anything to make them happy. True love is respect and sacrifice, not humiliation and violence.

Feo said it was out of desperation, to get her her to notice him, because she had never paid him any attention. (Another big creepy smile.) "Later I showed up as her rescuer, which won me the confidence of Gabriela. She herself offered her [Sofia] on a silver platter."

The padre expresses disgust and dismay.

"I married to Sofia, believe that I would save her from shame, that she would love me, but I was wrong." (The SOB sobs.) "Sofia has never loved me; I suffered through her disdain."

Unmoved by Feo's alligator (or crocodile, if you prefer) tears, the padre asks if he expects any pity now. "You're a very cruel, sick man, sick with evil."

"Okay, well, I'm done confessing. So, what's my penance, Padre?"

"Death by trampling," I wish the priest says, but he does not. Instead, he flexes his jaw muscles. The upper portion of his face remains smooth and inscrutable.

Sofia is praying for peace. Feo crawls up alongside on his knees, saying one measly Hail Mary, which is less than what Fr. Jusseaume would give us for something like writing on a desk, not that I would know anything about that. He sighs loudly and tells Sofia that they can leave, now that he's give his confession, and he hopes she can understand that he's done all this because he loves her.

Sofi says she'd like to stay and visit with the wounded bricklayer. Feo wants to come with! He crosses himself piously and pulls himself up by her hand.

She proceeds to cross herself on her way out; he copies her like a synchronized swimmer. He pauses at the confessional to give a gratuitous "¡Amen!" to the shellshocked priest.

After Feo leaves, Tadeo hops out of the confessional and staggers into the aisle to pray for guidance. He prostrates himself on the floor as an unseen choir (with symphonic accompaniment) blasts him full of inspiration.

Grandpa is in his deerstalker cap again, using his spyglass to examine the backyard in which the brothers are not building Feonando's love shack. Eva says she hopes they don't come back. Grandpa finds this odd, since she was the one who hired them and has been their accomplice. "We both know that those boys aren't working here for their skill." (Ha! I love Grandpa.) Eva says she's sorry, but she can't say. For the good of everyone, however, it's best if they don't come back. Grandpa writes:

They didn't come to work. Eva behaves strangely; she took off out of here.

The donkey brays forlornly outside the dispensario as Oscar dabs cool water on Franco's forehead. Sofia says they really need a doctor. Feo agrees and thinks they should take him to the hospital. Walking in, the padre nervously says he doesn't think it will be necessary. Oscar thinks Franco shouldn't even be moved. Sofi says they need to get a doctor from someplace. Juan comes in and says no thank you, will take care of him ourselves, we don't need any help. The padre urges Juan to reconsider, but Juan gets very huffy at the sight of Feo and says no again.

"Yes we need help. Franco needs it!" Oscar answers. "And they, Juan, are going to give it." Sofi looks from one brother to the other, wondering what's going on (or maybe wondering if someone forgot his lines). Feo looks at Juan with a faint, shit-eating grin.

Franco looks unconscious.

Sarita paces in her princessy bedroom, pausing frequently to look out her window where the brothers are not working. She remembers the day (yesterday? Two days ago?) when Franco wore a big hat and gave her a rose and they talked about poetry. The rose is smushed up in her poetry book, but still looks fresh and alive. She wonders if it's really possible that she's Franco's impossible love.

Rosario prays tearfully to Virgencita, saying she's a sinner and doesn't deserve pity, but please don't punish her loved ones too. "Just punish me, but protect those who love me. Protect my child [notice she never says his name], protect Franco."

Somehow, someone has located a doctor, who has put a bandage around Franco's forehead (good thinking, that will keep his brains from falling out) and is listening to Franco's chest. The doctor has them help move some extra furniture out of the room that's going to be in his way. The padre is giving Feo a suspicious look. Soon Feo is alone in the room with Franco. He reaches for Franco's face as if to claw it off.

Then, suddenly, there's a stretcher in the room, next to Franco's bed. (Maybe Feo was just imagining being alone with Franco and ripping his face off.) Feo and the other guys transfer Franco to the stretcher. Juan and Feo exchange suspicious looks. Or maybe Feo is staring at Juan while Juan stares at Sofi... or... all I know is there's a lot of staring going on, and other people noticing the staring.

Now Franco's on some kind of IV drip, and the doctor declares him to be out of danger. Franco mumbles and half-smiles at Juan. Oscar smacks his face with joy. Franco winces at the appropriate time, and Oscar apologizes. Juan and Sofi beam at one another.

Oscar and Juan are walking home, hopefully to change their rooster shirts. Juan is saying that he was pissed when Oscar accepted their help. He doesn't want to owe anything to their enemies.

Crabi's driver nearly runs them down as they are crossing the street. Crabi gets out of the truck and starts insulting them for blowing off work without prior notice. She should have figured they were a bunch of lowlifes.

Juan calls her back. She tries to stare him down. She is not that much shorter than he is, but he hulks over her anyway and tells her never to call them lowlifes (malnacidos) again. They came from very decent parents. "Well then you didn't learn anything from them, or they didn't teach you to be responsible workers." She tells them they're fired, and jabs her fan at them in a dismissive manner.

Sofi comes back from church; her sisters want to talk to her about Feo. It's important - they promised him they would. She doesn't want to hear about it; she doesn't have time. She explains that someone beat up Franco. Sarita is upset; Sofi asks if she loves him. Sarita's not sure if what she feels for him is love or not, but it's something she's never felt before. Sofi asks if she'd like to go see him.

Jimena is on board with the plan. Sarita is worried about incurring their mother's wrath. Sofi says she'll take responsibility. She says that if Sarita's really in love, she has to go for it, no matter what.

Now Feonando is at the nightclub, scolding Mustache Guy Armando and his other cronies. "I told you to make him disappear, and you didn't follow my orders." A henchman says they left him to sink in the lagoon. Feo says no, they're the ones who "sank." Henchman #2 says they don't know what happened or who helped him. Mustache guy says they're telling the truth.

Feo laughs tipsily. They all laugh too. Then he scowls. They stop laughing. He says he'll let it go, but it had better not happen again.

Sofi is driving her sisters into town and agreeing with them that Feo isn't evil. She tells them how he went to church with her today and went to Confession. Her sisters think that proves something, and she should give him a chance. Sofi says there's something she just can't explain.

Sarita says there is something else - that Sofi is hiding from them. Something that she doesn't even want to accept herself. Sofi says "maybe so." They beg for more info, but she's not ready to give any. She mysteriously says that if that's what's keeping her from loving Feonando, then she has to get it out of her life, the sooner the better. "And then you'll love Feonando?" Jimena asks. "I don't know," Sofi says. "After that, I probably won't be able to love anyone else." (Snif!)

Sarita complains that Sofi doesn't trust them. "There are things that are better left unsaid; things that are very painful." It's better to hide them in our hearts, so they don't destroy us. I wonder if the American Heart Association knows anything about the health benefits of keeping painful things in your heart. In any case, it shuts the sisters up.

Speaking of the American Heart Association, the padre is rubbing his right arm. I think he's just chilly, though; there's a windlike sound effect. But the pages of his Bible aren't ruffling in any breeze; the sound seems to be on the inside of his head. He recalls Feo's chilling confession. He looks as though he's having a stroke. (Acting or Botox? You make the call!) He prays something like "You teach us that that which is in heaven cannot be separated from the earth," (??? I'm not sure what this means literally, but I think it refers to his vow not to repeat the confessions of others) "but what about Sofia's suffering? I can't pretend to be deaf and cross my arms; I have to protect her." The unseen choir and symphony begin again. "I have to protect that whole family from themselves."

Note - talking about not crossing one's arms is something like when we say we won't take something lying down.

For a long time I wasn't sure what the crossed arms literally referred to, exactly. I assumed it was something like folding your arms so that your hands are tucked away harmlessly, unwilling to interfere.

But then when they beheaded Lafont in Pasión, I noticed that they crossed his arms around the tree stump to immobilize him for the axe. Does anyone know if that's what's meant by "crossed arms"? Because if so, I don't recommend ever crossing your arms for anything.

Rosario visits Franco at the dispensario and cranks him up. His bed, I mean, so that he can sit up and get a better look at her stuff. She tries to urge Franco to forget about her. No, he wants her to let him love her.

He asks about her relationship with Armando (aka Mustache Guy, aka Lopez from LFMB with bad hair). She doesn't want to answer; she says the less he knows, the better off he is.

Franco explains that they'll have to kill him to keep him away from her. She doesn't want to hear any more of this, so he kisses her instead. She gets into it. Now they're making out. Great, now let's see if he can forget her.

Crabi arrives at the church, where the girls have already arrived with their donations for the dispensario. She is muy enojada to see that they've left the hacienda without her permission. Sofi takes the blame, and Crabi says "That doesn't surprise me, you always were the bad apple." Sofi says it's for charity. Sarita explains that the littlest bricklayer got some boo-boos, and since Mommy Dearest taught them to be charitable, they brought him some things, following her example.

"You help those who deserve it," answers Judge Crabi. "Those who earn that help." Sofi says charity isn't so choosy. Crabi says she doesn't care what Sofi says, and they're not going to talk about it. She orders them back to the truck.

Jimena argues. Sarita simply says she's not going - she'll say with Sofia.

Franco is telling his brothers, who have indeed changed out of the rooster shirts, that he couldn't see who it was; it was too dark. He tells them to pretend it was an accident. He's the youngest and he appreciates that they've always taken care of him, but this is his responsibility. Oscar scoffs at this. Juan says their mother told him to watch out for the younger brothers. They talk about how their parents watch out for them from where they are now.

Franco says Libia, too. She was the one who saved his life. When he regained consciousness, he was in the place where they had found Libia; he felt her presence, like a strength, which prevented him from sinking. It was Libia who saved his life. When he gets better, he'll visit her grave and thank her. (A flower glows with an eerie light, as if to confirm Franco's story. I think it really means that the mother ship is coming to take E.T. home, but I don't want to spoil the moment for Franco.)

Dr. House realizes that his guess about the patient's disease was wrong; he quickly comes up with a new theory. (I don't think that's a spoiler, since that's the plot of every House episode.)

Oscar excitedly asks if this Libia-sighting isn't a sign that she wants them to stop their mission of vengeance against the Elizondo women. Juan snorts at him and stomps out of the room in disgust. Oscar just wants to hear more; but if there is more, we don't get to hear it.

Crabi complains that Sofia's setting a bad example. Sofi says she and her sisters are tired of being shut-ins. Crabi says God will punish her for defying her mother. Padre shows up and Crabi asks him to take her side. Then Feo shows up and says the dispensario is all set up. Impactada, Crabi asks him if he's helping those losers (the Reyes brothers) too. "Those losers, as you call them, are our fellow man - isn't that so, Padre?" The padre agrees, but he looks like he just swallowed a bug.

Outnumbered and defeated, Crabi tells them to finish up and they'll talk later. She asks to speak to the padre privately. (She's probably hoping to give him some advice on how to be a more irreproachable priest.)

She steps out, leaving Feo alone with the padre. The padre turns to leave; Feo grabs his arm, pulls him in for a ring-kiss, and says in a very slimy manner, "thank you for your advice, Padre."

The brothers (minus Franco) and the sisters meet up in the lobby with the fountain. They're all impactados and impactadas. Sarita asks to see Franco. Juan grumpily allows it.

Now Grandpa is in his centurion hoplite costume, playing with his game board and horsie figures again. He tells Eva he's dressed like Alexander the Great, and tells the story of the Gordian Knot, the traditional version of which is something like the following:

There was a kingdom that didn't have a king. The local seer said that the next guy to drive an oxcart into town would be given the king job. That lucky winner tied his cart to a post with a complicated knot that seemingly had no ends to unravel, and then the oracle said that the person who untied it would become king of Asia.

For many years, no one could untie it; but when Alexander came along, he solved the problem by cutting the knot with his sword.

Grandpa seems to be telling a somewhat different version of the story, in which Alexander must cut the knot in order to enter the city. He demonstrates the knot-cutting with a chop of his toy sword. Eva winces.

Then he tells Eva he's still working on reconstructing Bernardo's accident; it's not adding up. She tells him to leave it alone - it's just upsetting the family. He says he must follow his investigative instincts. In reference to his other investigation (the search for Eva's child), the Black Widow keeps getting in the way. She caught him with his hands in the corn - that is, in her papers, but he's going to keep trying. Crabi committed an injustice, and she's going to have to fix it.

He asks if she's considered marrying. "Who would marry me?" she asks. Grandpa says he'd marry her right now, if not for his crummy legs. She laughs. He says it would be the first case he knows of in which the woman could "take advantage" of her husband. Eva is speechless with mirthful exasperation.

The padre is rubbing his hands together nervously; I see there's no ring, so I guess people have been kissing his bare hand. He tells Crabi that he needs to take care of Sofia and not continually judge and attack her. Crabi says she loves her daughters, but Sofi is too rebellious. The padre urges Crabi to examine her own behavior; the way she has treated Sofi after the atrocity she experienced. A rape leaves deep scars. She needs space to put her soul at rest. She should be allowed to sleep away from her husband.

Crabi is horrified by this request. A priest is supposed to encourage marriage and family. Padre says he does, but the ways of God are mysterious and not always the same for everyone. Evil is like a mist; it infiltrates and is hard to get rid of.

Gabi has no idea what he's talking about and is creeped out by his manner. He gives her a keen look, as if he is trying to communicate telepathically, but everyone knows that you can't send ESP messages without wrinkling your forehead.

Sarita asks Franco if he feels better. She says it's awful to see him this way. He touches her face and says she is kind and pretty. Sara looks about ready to pass out from the thrill of it. "You'd better rest," she says reluctantly. He says he'll close his eyes and she'll be the last thing he sees, and that way he'll dream of her. (He probably read that in a poem.)

Bam, just like that, he's asleep, or at least he's a good enough actor to make Sarita think so. She puts his hand down and gets up to leave. She smiles at the gigantic crucifix and steals a kiss from her unconscious boyfriend. She puts her hand over her heart and smiles at the crucifix again. Then she touches Franco's face and then brushes her fingers across her lips.

Go ahead and laugh. I couldn't help it.

Oscar tells Jimena he wanted to see her. Jimena says she came here for his brother; after her last encounter with Oscar, she doesn't want to see him again. He apologizes. She asks if he thinks she's some nut who'll just get together with anyone. If so, he's mistaken. She is looking for love and to live intensely, but not the way he thinks.

"Give me a chance," he says. "I did, and you blew it. Bye, Oscar. I wish you the best." Oscar is bummed. "But YOU'RE the best," he murmurs as she walks away.

Just in case you were tricked into thinking Feonando was a nice guy, here he is knocking Rosario around again. "Next time I see you with Franco, I'll kill him!" He threatens her child too. She begs him to leave her child alone.

Back at the dispensario, Juan thanks Sofia for helping with Franco. She says there's nothing to thank her for. He says he has more to say; she doesn't want to hear it.

"You have to listen, because this is the truth, it's burning in my stomach. I can't get rid of this feeling. I love you!"

Sofi tries to stifle a smile, but can't. She turns away.

"Wait, don't leave. You have to listen. You have to let me finish. I don't want you to suffer, or to cause you problems. I also know that you're not available, and me, I'm nobody... I would never deserve for you to look at me, but I love you, like I never could love before, and this feeling hurts me, torments me, I have..."

He tries to kiss her; she turns away. He is bummed.

"Okay, I just wanted you to know that, and I promise not to bother you again."

She calls him back. "I love you too. I love you with all my heart.

"But you're not getting my Bud Lite."

Martes
Have you noticed that the avances are usually a rerun of the last scene of the episode? That's not helpful at all.

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