Thursday, December 18, 2014
Weekend Discussion: Photo Gallery; Family Album, Volume 1
Don't you just love it when casting directors get it right? I love how novela producers often match up actors who look like they could share DNA as family members. This can't pretend to be a whole archive, but merely a first installment.
Read more »
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Weekend Discussion: The Narcissism Epidemic
Narcissists see themselves as the center of the universe. Everyone else exists for their purposes and once they cease to satisfy them, they either become evil or non-existent. They are incapable of dealing with their own faults and assign them to others as a way of ridding themselves of them. In extreme form they can be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Read more »
Friday, January 03, 2014
Weekend Discussion: Fix This Novela!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Weekend Discussion: Las Mascotas; Animals in Telenovelas
In El Cuerpo del Deseo, the hero had a dog who was smart enough to spot his master after his spirit changed bodies (Dog may actually be star Mario Cimarro's dog):
Cuando Me Enamoro had a beautiful horse named Gitana that was much beloved by the heroine:
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Weekend Discussion: Primer Actor; Our Senior Caballeros
Read more »
Friday, January 25, 2013
Weekend Discussion: Censorship, the Plague
- Friday night tends to be a sleeper time slot for English-language television
- Fewer Spanish-language networks means less fragmentation among the perceived potential viewers
- Gringos are getting more interested in telenovelas because of the exciting stories and hot actors. For Univision and Telemundo, those viewers are more salsa on the taco.
Friday, October 05, 2012
Weekend Discussion: Leitmotifs and Love Themes; Novela Music
Friday, September 07, 2012
Weekend Discussion: Mandatory Forgiveness and Its Evangelists
Friday, August 24, 2012
Weekend Discussion: Telenovela Villains; Peerless Evil, Part 2
Friday, August 10, 2012
Weekend Discussion: Fabulous Novela Weddings, continued
Friday, August 03, 2012
Weekend Discussion: Telenovela Villains; Peer(less) Evil
Friday, June 29, 2012
Weekend Discussion: A Study of Novela Villains, Part One
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Weekend Discussion: The Healers
Read more »
Monday, March 02, 2009
"Tras La Verdad" - FELS - Sun., Mar. 1st
I have to admit that as stupid as most parts of this TN was, it wasn’t until seeing the clips from the show tonight that I realized I was really going to miss it. Laugh at me if you want, I’m sentimental sometimes. When I was little girl my mother said I used to cry whenever my father bought a new car, because I felt bad for the old one! LOL! No tears for FELS, like I had for Alborada and Pasion, though. But I will miss some of the characters, the good and the bad. The audacity of Gabriela, the psychotic Feo (Cantú - who was probably the best actor of all), Oscar, who of the three brothers was the most likeable, and Jimena, the most likeable of the three sisters. I will not miss Sofia, Quintina, or Eva, at all. C’mon, you know you’ll miss it a little bit, right?
I loved the theme song and I miss hearing it daily. In fact, the Friday of the last capitulo I was riding on a bus in Mexico City and the bus driver had a Vicente Fernandez CD playing, and “Para Siempre” came on, and I thought of all of us that were going to be so happy this TN was finally over.
Some chisme related to FELS that I’m sure most of you already know, but in case you don’t: Tio Elf is Vicente Ferdandez, Jr., son of Vicente Fernandez, the most famous singer probably of all time in Mexico (who sings the theme song, “Para Siempre”), and brother of Alejandro Ferndandez who is a great singer also, and incredibly gorgeous! Vicente Jr. (Tio Elf) was kidnapped for ransom a few years back, and they cut off two of his fingers from the knuckle. I don’t think they showed his fingers in the TN, but I’ve seen him in concert with his father and it’s very obvious. Also, the host of the show “Tras La Verdad”, Mara Patricia Castañeda, married Vicente Jr., about a year ago.
It was really fun watching FELS with all of you, I enjoyed every recap with all of the laughs and pure snark. Thanks again to everyone!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Univision is the most pirated network on YouTube!
The article also discussed the telenovelas' stellar ratings. At one time, it was impressive that Univision was beating UPN and the WB (before they merged). Now they're sometimes even beating ABC. That's pretty serious.
That article is now password-protected, and I can't get to it any more. I found another article here which gives stats and says that without the Cuidado clips, Univision would rank third in YouTube piracy behind Fox and ABC. Careful - the article itself is spoiler-free, but it includes a clip from Cuidado episode 133, which hasn't aired in the US yet! Don't play it!
The original Ad Age article linked to another article about the most recent legal development in the Univision/Televisa relationship. Long story short, Univision and Televisa are going to stay married until 2017, whether Televisa likes it or not. (If that article gets password-protected too, just Google "Univision Televisa lawsuit" without the quotes and you'll find more.)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
FELS: Christina Show Discussion 02/23/09
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Fuego en la Sangre, 02/20/09: Triple Boda Bliss
El Por Fin ¡Por Fin! (Parte 2)
[Fernando Escandon, the residents of Cd. Serdán who knew you best may not miss you and Gabi, but certainly the undertaker, the florist, Dr. Mendez (especially his drug reps), and the local Chamber of Commerce definitely will, because you’ve made them all very, very happy with the additional business you’ve thrown their way these past few months. However, as all things, both good and bad, must come to their appointed end, so have the two of you. Boo-hoo. You’re through. Adios. Adieu. ~~]
We begin at the end, the end of the three pair of lovers enjoying the afterglow of celabratory SEX now that the Twosome of Terror, Cruella Gabriela and Felonious Fer, have supposedly both met their befittingly horrific ends.
The next morning the whole gang, including Ofelia and Margarita who’ve come back for the big bash, are at the Bat Cave to celebrate El Dia de los Muertos (The Day of the Dead). --I guess that means that Fer actually offed himself, appropriately enough, the day before on Halloween.-- Pablito’s abuela, Bernie, Rosario, Libia, JuanJo and Maria Libia, are all fondly remembered. All sorts of traditional foods are left per the custom. (So the ants and the wild animals get to party hearty once the humans have their say and split. What I wanna know is who really gets to drink that bottle of reservado tequila Tío Vincente just left for Juanjo?) Padre Tadeo officiates and Libia’s Lily lights up with mucho appreciation.
At the same time, the one-eyed grave-digger returns to the ghoul-shed at the cemetery and finds Feo’s forgotten bag of booty with the stolen sacristy goodies, while the mini-light on that coffin-cam lets Viewerville peek inside the otherwise pitch black casket to see that Gabi is still 6 foot under, still alive, and still screaming in terror for Fernando. (How many days and nights has it been already? Three or two? That b!tch is as stubborn as the day is long, but no way even she should last that amount of time without air.) Another night falls and another full moon rises. The grave digger finally shows up the next morning and starts digging the coffin up to steal the money Fer told him was buried inside it.
Meanwhile, across town the Reyes’s hold a rodeo and riding competition to benefit the local orphanage. The three Elizondo sisters are wearing their Petticoat Junction best. Eva’s sitting there next to Sofia and it looks like she’s been to Puebla City for a much needed coif and ‘cure. Juan, Franco, and Oscar entertain the crowd with their singing (which has miraculously much improved since that fiasco of a serenade a few weeks ago. Viewerville accordingly sends its best to the A-team in sound production who finally got back from vacation.) Even Capricho, who obviously knows that he’s been the real headliner in this horse sh!t show, busts a move and prances for the cheering crowd. (Take a bow, big boy. Take. A. Bow! You’re one handsome hunk o’ horseflesh and the only thing worth an instant replay today.) The singing eventually ends and the competition begins.
Juan comes over to play kissy-face with Sofia a few times and the camera goes into slow-mo as a mysterious hand secretly aims a rifle at the two of them and waits to take its best shot.
Tío V.O. sings for the crowd a bit later and the crowd goes wild again, especially Maria Esperanza. (Don’t overdo it, Essie. At your age you might pull something.) Again the mysterious hand takes aim at Juan and Sofia, but doesn’t shoot.
The announcer tells the crowd that the Reyes’s made a special cash donation to Padre Tadeo’s orphanage and they all applaud.
Finally comes the “Pass of Death” competition and Juan appears in the ring. Just as Juan is about to jump onto the second horse to make “the pass” a shot rings out. Juan falls from his horse and for a minute or two nobody can tell if he’s been hit or not. The shot missed him but apparently the loud noise of the shot surprised him. Anyway, Juan tells the crowd he’s fine and the fun will continue. He gets back on his horse and tries the trick again and, of course, wins the competition. (Come on. Did we actually think he wouldn’t?)
Sofia hands over the donation to Padre Tadeo who thanks them for their charitable gift and lectures us all that there is nothing more important in life than a child. Everyone cheers again. (Oh! There’s Hortensia in the crowd, smiling. Hmm. Maybe if she’s lucky next Mother’s Day, Rigo and his brother will go in on a little cosmetic dentistry for Horty, maybe pay for a veneer for that hideous tooth of hers.) All of a sudden, the town’s favorite top cop, our dear Comisario Muttonchops, runs over to Juan and Sofia and tells them it was the grave digger who shot at Juan earlier, but he’s been caught now and is behind bars. Juan says then on with the party and the crowd cheers again. All the little children there (all dressed in cute little charro outfits) get balls and other toys for gifts.
Night falls and the full moon rises on Cd. Serdán again. The grave-digger apparently gave up and decided it would be more fun to take pot-shots at Juan, cuz Gabi's still in there and this is the night that she finally gasps her last. Whether it was the ol' bum ticker or suffocation that got her, it’s not quite clear; but we see her mouth and eyes are open in a gruesome death mask at the end. In both her eyes is Feo’s smiling reflection, as if he might just have come back for her after all. Boo-wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!
The town celebrates that night after the rodeo competition with a charity bazaar. Everyone dances to the beat of the magically musical refrains of Margarita (the Goddess of the Cumbia who is back from... wherever). At the end of the night there are fireworks displays ablaze with each of the couples’ names. (What better reason for another kiss?) Fireworks continue to go off, muy symbolic of the lovers’ feelings for each other.
The next morning is the triple boda. Juan and the boys are getting ready. We don’t get a shower scene, but we do get the next best thing: bare torsos with towels wrapped around otherwise bared buttocks as Quintina helps Juan and the others get dressed for their big day. In between questions and complaints they stop to tell her how much they love her and that she’s been like a mother to them. They thank her for all the support that she has offered them, especially as their “paño de lagrimas” (crying towel). She's going to miss them once they've gotten married. Guess she's movin' in with Rigo and Horty. (Anybody stop to wonder who's taking over the Hacienda de Horrores and who's got dibs on the Double R? And BTW, who's gonna get the short straw and where are they going to live?)
Meanwhile, Sofia and her sisters are waiting down at the end of the drive of the hacienda for some mysterious somebody that Eva says was looking for them. Suddenly they hear Grampa Augie’s voice and are thrilled to see him there for the wedding. (Santi doesn’t show up, though.) He tells them Rosendo filled him in on what had happened there after he left. Through his tears Augie says it was a shame that Gabi had to die the way she did, but that he warned her Fernando would be the ruination of her. She just would not listen. Suddenly Sofia feels a bit awkward and leaves the group. Augie tells her he knows she must feel strange now because they’re not blood relatives. He tells her it doesn’t matter to him one bit and doesn’t change a thing. They all share another group hug. Ah yes. The family’s complete now that he’s come back for the wedding. (Viwerville dabs its eyes.)
Later that day the Reyes’s make their way to the church on their valiant and beautiful steeds to await their brides’ arrival. The brides make their arrival in individual carriages at the Temple of God (Cholula on the Pyramid), the big beautiful church on the crest of the hill above where the rodeo was held. They get out at the entrance to the church. Rodeo riders are lined up in costumes while kids do rope tricks with their lariats. (Is that Sarita with all that exposed cleavage this time? Truly a plunging neckline Root and Rosario would be envious of.) They walk in on the arms of their grooms. (Looks like Sofia has the most beautiful dress, full of sparklies and of course, the longest train. Sort of reminds me of a giant white caterpillar crawling behind her. Juan’s got his shirt unbuttoned like the slob he is, while his brothers are dressed to the nines in their best white charros. Oh well, with a build like that, he’s allowed.) The three couples arrive together at the altar. The whole town is there with the exception of Uncle El Jefe, who’s apparently still doin’ time, and Pedro.
Padre Tadeo officiates the marriage mass. (Ah, ok. Juan finally had the sense to button up and look respectable. Lordy, he does clean up nice, though!) FF>> When Pad Tad finishes and they’ve all said their vows, the happy couples kiss. Everyone makes their way outside to celebrate their wedding in one hell of a big boda bash. Pad Tad smiles and gives them his blessing and then thinks to himself that “as always, love triumphs.”
Bobby Pulido and his band are there to entertain along with the Margarita. There’s dancin’ and romancin’ for one and all.
When the new brides hurl their bouquets, Maria Esperanza and Quintina both catch one.
Juan and his brothers each serenade their brides. (EY must have been practicing long and hard because this time he stays on key and actually pulls it off. Thank gawd for small favors and a decent audio tech.) As the afternoon sun begins to set, each couple demonstrates their abiding love with tender, impassioned kisses.
In the end only Juan and Sofia remain. They are locked in each other’s arms and in a kiss that seems destined to last as long as this damned novela has.
El FIN ¡POR FIN!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Fuego, Feb 18 redux ("Here, Just Drink This.") AND Feb 19, in which the evil lovebirds gasp their last.
I've moved a seat-of-the-pants recap Ibarramedia kindly left us in the comments) to the bottom of this post. Thanks, Ibarramedia!
Feo is hiding in front of the Doble E, but starts shooting and Juan and Oscar. Rosendo breaks down the door of the cabana, and the Doc, Rosendo and the three sisters find Gabriela lying on the floor in front of the coffin with her eyes open – they think she’s dead. The girls are screaming and crying for their Mamita, who hated. The shoot-out at the Not-So-OK Corral continues. Feo has a gun with never-ending bullets – the boys use rifles. Rosendo tells the boys the vieja (old lady) is dead.
Sarita and Jimena are inconsolable, Sofia tells Gabriela Acevedo to rest in peace. Sarita starts blaming the three of them for killing their mother. More crying.
Feo shoots a few more bullets then starts running down the path – Juan and Capricho run after him.
In the kitchen at the Doble R, Eva is catching Horty, Quinto and Eugenia up on how Sofia knows that she’s her mother. Fatima comes running in crying, and tells them Crabs is dead. Fatima was treated so poorly, could they be tears of joy?
The three couples are in the office at the Doble E (minus the 2 E’s). The boys still want justice for Feo. The girls say that Crabs lost her mind at the end. Sarita tells them that Fatima told her that Crabs left the big house with suitcases, but didn’t take any of her personal things. Sarita wonders out loud, what could possibly be in those suitcases? It’s so mysterious and weird. Jimena says it’s almost like Gabs planned her own death.
Out on the road, Feo attacks some random guy and takes off on his horse; translation: Mexican carjacking.
Eva shows up to console the girls – more crying. Eva tells the girls she loves them and that all three of them are her daughters. Doc Too Little Too Late comes in and says Sofia found a letter inside the coffin. Franco pulls Oscar aside and says he’s worried about Juan, out there alone chasing Feo.
Back at the Barranca of Libia’s death, Feo calls out for Juan, but when Juan sees him Feo pulls a gun on him. Feo says isn’t it curious how they’ve met up in Libia’s favorite place, the exact place where he killed Libia? Juan goes after him, but Feo shoots him in the arm. Feo kicks Juan and tells him how he’s killed everyone that’s ever gotten in his way. He tells Juan to prepare to die, and holds the pistol to Juan’s head – he pulls the trigger and nothing! No more bullets! The fight is on! Punching, choking, etc. Juan finally gets the better of Feo and like a crazy man holds Feo’s head under the water repeatedly until he thinks Feo is dead. Mighty Joe Juan Screams like a wounded animal! Libia! Libia! Out of nowhere Feo’s one-eyed helper shows up and hits Juan over the head – Juan falls unconscious. The guy helps Feo out of the water, Feo loves his new BFF for saving him. Feo picks up a shovel and brings it high over his head to finally deliver one last blow to kill Juan. The trumpets blare! Do doo dooooo! Officer Mutton Chops has arrived!!! He shoots at Feo but the bullet ricochets off the scoop of the shovel! Feo turns and sees the all the men, including Oscar, with their guns pointed at them – he says they’ll never find him and runs off into the night. Why didn’t they just shoot him????
Sofia starts reading the letter containing Gabi’s last wishes. Gabi wants no wake, and wants to be buried this very same night in the cemetery in the pueblo. She doesn’t want any changes to anything. It has to be just the way she’s written. The all agree to comply with her wishes, including Pad Tad. Jimena and Sarita are still crying.
Oscar, Juan and Mutton Chops come into the kitchen. They tell Franco that Feo got away, Juan has a superficial bullet wound, but his head hurts (Oh that Juan, he must’ve been thinking again!) Mutton Chops says all roads are being watched.
Feo’s changing into some spiffy new Mariachi duds that One-Eyed BFF has brought him. Feo tells him that if the damn gun hadn’t run out of bullets everything would have been different. BFF hands him a new coat and tells him if he hadn’t shown up in time Feo would have been dead. He also gives Feo a new gun with lots of extra ammo. Feo is so happy with his BFF I think he might want to kiss him. Feo tells him he’ll be very well compensated, but he has one more thing to take care of – Gabriela Acevedo’s last wishes.
We’re at the funeral in the church. Eva thinks to herself she’s forgiven Gabriela even though Gabi never forgave her, and hopes that G-d forgives Gabriela also. The girls continue to cry. Juan shows up and stands over the coffin. He says he and Gabi always hated each other, but once he and his brothers met her daughters they forgot about vengeance, but they still hated Gabriela more and more each day. He says she was responsible for the deaths of his parents and sister, Gabi never loved anyone, not even her daughters and that’s why she died alone and despised by everyone. He tells her he doesn’t hope she rests in peace, he says he’ll leave it up to G-d to give her what she deserves.
At the cemetery the black crow caws. They lower the coffin into the ground. Sarita and Jimena continue to cry. Feo watches from afar. They each throw a handful of dirt onto the coffin. Pad thinks to himself how Gabriela went without reconciling with G-d or her daughters. He asks G-d to forgive him for not being able to help Crabs. Feo’s BFF and the black crow watch from afar also. Pad prays.
Daybreak in Ciduad Serdan, and Sofia and Eva are walking through the Hacienda Minus Doble E. Sofia says she wants to go see her daughters, but Eva tells her there’s no rush, they’re well taken care of. By now the nuns are probably thinking they should’ve just gotten married and had sex if they were going to get stuck taking care of three rugrats all the time anyway! Sofia tells Eva she doesn’t ever want to be separated from Eva again. Ruh Roh. This is a bad sign. They get in the black SUV and Rosendo is taking them to the Hacienda Doble R, but there’s some sheep in the way. Rosendo gets out of the truck to shoo away the sheep when Feo comes up with a gun and konks Rosendo over the head, knocking him out. Feo comes over to the SUV with his gun and pulls Slofia and Eva out of the truck. Stupidfia, who should’ve locked the doors and jumped into the driver’s seat, offers Feo her bag, if it’s the money he wants. He says he doesn’t want her stupid money, he wants her! Eva says, “Yeah, over my dead body!” and Feo says, “Oh yeah!” and he shoots Eva in what looks like her heart, but she’s still alive. Sofia is holding her while Feo watches. Feo grabs Slofia and she tries to pull away but Feo konks her over the head and knocks her out also, while Eva screams don’t take her. Cut to Telepathic Juan, who tells Capricho that Sofia is in danger. Rosendo finally wakes up and rushes to Eva, she tells him what happened. Juan rides up, finds out what happened, and rides off to chase down the SUV. Capricho is going for the Triple Crown.
Feo is putting Sofia in the back of a wagon covered in black cloth. Juan continues the chase. Feo has taken Sofia to his little hideaway and she wakes up and remembers what happened. Feo restrains her. He tells her she’ll never see her mother again, she’s dead.
Cut to Eva in the dispensario. Rosendo says it’s all his fault. Doc says they’ll try to save her. Pad asks the statue of Jesus when will Feo stop hurting people, when?
Feo tells Sofia that everything is her fault. If she hadn’t despised him, none of this would have happened. He says he loved her. She says he doesn’t know how to love, only to hurt. She says she never felt anything for him, this really pisses him off. He says he knows how to love, and tonight he’s going to show her. She says no way, Juan will come and save her before that. Feo says Juan will never come between them again. – he tries to kiss her. Yuck.
Back in the Doble R kitchen, Juan is frustrated because he can’t find Sofia. Everyone gives him a pep talk and out the door they go again to search. Quinti is going to go and pray. Juan tells them about Eva.
Sarita and Jimena have come to see Eva. They tell her they need her, especially now. She has to be strong and recover.
Nightime. The Coffin Cam shows Crabs still resting peacefully, hands folded across her chest.
So anyway - I turned on the tv about 9:50 and saw:
- Juan had Fern (who had a very white bristly stubble all over his face) cornered under a tree and he aimed his gun at him, but Fern shot himself. Juan shot in the air many times in frustration. His brothers came. They discussed that fact that Fern was, yes, say it in unison, "bien muerto."
- Gabriela woke up in her coffin. She did not beat on the lid as I hoped, but she gasped a lot and called for Fern, but Fern did not come to let her out because he was "bien muerto." She gasped and gasped.
- Eva is fine, in her hospital bed, there was a love fest around her bed.
- Then the happy couples all promised each other that they would be happy forever. How anybody can ever say that with a straight face I dunno.
and Ibarramedia wrote:
I guess I will try to do this from my head. I will need a lot of help to fill in the blanks and I apologize in advance for typos since i'm not a fast typer and may not see the errors in my haste to get this done. Please don't mock my rough translation. I'm not that fluent yet. Here goes:
In the shed Fernando confesses to the murder of Don Bernanrdo. He says that it was an accident, but he provoked him and grabbed the steed by its reins.
He confessed to killing Armando and Rosario. we see a flashback of him shooting Rosario. He says it was stupid of her to be nosing around his safe and helping Juan Reyes. Fernando says he shot Eva,but we know that already. Sofia asks how is my Mama? How is my Mama?
At the dispensario, Eva is in bed being visited by the 2 sets of lovebirds.
Meanwhile, Sofia keeps asking how her Mama is. She yells at Fernando and demands him to answer her. Juan rides Capricho into the cemetery. Sofia yells at Fernando, I hate you!!!, I hate you!!! Damn you! Let me go! Let me go! Fernando tries to kiss Sofia but she resists and bites his tongue instead. Fernando spits out blood in disgust and leaves very pissed off. Sofia weeps helplessly.
Juan visits Gabriela's grave and yells at Gabriela from the beyond. Blood of my sister! where is Sofia? Damn you where is sofia? He demands to know where she is and although she is dead, thinks she is behind all this. He condemns her and rides off.
Nightfall comes signified by the full moon. Sofia pleads Fernando not to touch her. Fernando confesses to killing Ruth. Flashback to her murder. A marvellous and passionate death says Fernando. He killed her while making love to her.
Sofia exclaims that Fernando is a sick man. He is very disguting and repulsive. She is repulsed by his presence because he is morally repugnant.
Meanwhile, Juan is at the tomb of Libia. He is seen talking to himself, then a methaphorical lightbulb clicks and he realizes that Sofia is still alive and that he can feel it. Use the force and follow your heart.
Eva miraculously goes to mass accompanied by Sarita and Jimena. I'm in love with Sarita's legs. Eva is able to stand up, walk and kneel down before Padre Tadeo.
Fernando unties Sofia. I think he says that he will pleasure himself with her then kill her later. She again pleads Fernando to let her go. He tells her to shut up.
Juan finds them in the shed and a struggle ensues between Juan and Fernando. The one eyed undertaker, the sepulterero slugs Juan from behind while he had Fernando in a choke hold. Juan beats him up while Fernando makes his escape. He climbs on top of the crypt and thought bubbles that the sepulterero is an idiot after seeing Juan get away. He shoots at Juan and the Reyes Brothers Franco captures the sepulterero and leaves to take him to the commisario. Juan asks Oscar to take Sofia to Eva.
Eva is sick and weak again. She is back at the dispensario. Dr. Montez gets rid of Sarita and Jimena and he tries to revive Eva. Moments later, Sofia arrives but the dr. has given up hope and throws up his arms in resignation.
Sofia asks her true mother to answer her. she refuses to have her leave her. Eva opens her eyes and miraculously lives again. She asks are you really here? Another day has come and gone. Nightfall turns to dusk. Cut to Gabriela twitching her fingers amidst the sounds of heartbeats beating. Sofia consoles unibrow baby. (I think that is her real daughter. Both Sofia and Adela's)
The sepulterero is dropped off and he quickly escapes and drives off in the truck of the commisario and dumb and dumber. All three are worse than the 3 stooges at this point.
It is daybreak and Gabriela begins to be revived. Juan and Fernando have been fighting all night long. I swear those two lasts much longer than Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya would in a fight. They even have stronger stamina than Lance Armstrong and Michel Phelps. More than 12 hours of fighting and running overnight would kill a normal human being. But these guys seem to have superhuman endurance. The battle carries over to a passing train. The back and forth continues through different cars in the locomotive with neither man gaining a true advantage.
Sofia prays to the Virgin Mary de Guadalupe to protect Juan. Juan and Fernando get off the train and he corners Fernando who stand in front of a tree with an 'F' branded into it. Juan seems to smile or grin. In his dying declaration, Fernando says you won't be lucky enough or strong enough to take Fernando Escandon alive. Fernando points the gun under his chin and commmits suicide.
Juan angrily runs to Fernando's corpse yelling you damn dog!,You damn dog! you denied me justice. Then fires his pistol in the air twice. Oscar and Franco try to calm him down as Juan grabs Fernando's corpse and screams you damn dog!
We shift to coffin cam and we see Gabriela reviving and asking where she is. She calls out to Fernando and starts to panic. the commisario of the town arrive with Padre Tadeo and dumb and dumber at the place where Fernado committed suicide and confirm that he is indeed dead.
The three brothers arrive at the hospital and notify their fiancees that Fernando is dead. The threat is over. He commited suicide rather than be captured alive. Juan asks sofia how Eva is. Sofia says that she is getting better thank God. Eva pledges her eternal gratitude to Juan for saving her daughter. She asks what happened to fernando. They say he is dead. And they don't have to worry about him anymore.
Gabriela still cries out for Fernando and in desperation, quickly uses up what little oxygen she had left. She later dies asphyxiated within the coffin. Descanse en Paz Dona Gabriela Acevedo de Elizondo. The sepulterero is supposed to be digging her out to get the money. He is just standing there.
The Reyes brothers go to Libia's tomb and tell her that Fernando is dead and God will mete out justice to him. The three promise to be together always.
Sofia, Sarita,Jimena and Juan,Oscar and Jimena pledge their eternal,undying and unconditional love for each other in their own rooms while making love to their respective partners. Oscar and Jimena are seen without their clothes save for their trademark boots during a passionate time in bed.
Fuego, Wed., Feb. 18: What have I done to deserve this?
So, Gabi is, yet again, the hapless victim of her own drug-induced circumstances, and envisions green gases emerging from the mirrors and tea cups—just like Alice in Wonderland. Well, whoever said you can’t take it [wealth] with you was sadly mistaken because clearly Gabi’s stuffing the dough in the sides of the casket will serve as a fine offering to her mythological higher gods, and will probably get her a pretty good seat at God’s table… unless she goes to the other place, in which case she would still probably eat in the company of the head honcho. Anyway, all the “new-attitude” girls are freakin’ out about Mommy locking herself in her cabin again. Ok, who left the borderline sociopath alone in a locked room with alcohol and sharp objects? You know what the color scheme does to her… So before the boomerang family physician can pop out another unmarked bottle of “medication,” the girls bust down the door, only to find mother dearest lying in a pool of what we hope is her own filth. Sure, no one here will ever be able to put two and two together, but let’s just take the gray face as a sign of a rapid, soul-less death. And I thought we only used partial-color body parts in senior portraits…
Outside is just like any other day on Bonanza—except the diabetes supplies guy is probably doing commercials. The big, bad Fernie and his valiant steed circle the strong-willed, do-gooders on their respective ponies. For many narco-traffickers, this is merely child’s play. For a civilization that just discovered the heretic ways of gun powder, this is a battle reminiscent of the Alamo—which would have gone much smoother had they used their own company minivans.
The 218th meeting of Self-righteous Hypocrites is now in session. “I was never your daughter, but I always loved you like a mother,” wines Sofia. The other two are floating in a river of their own tears and pity. That’s funny: Isn’t this the same woman you labeled hopelessly crazy and you did everything in your power to escape her wrath? I guess (multiple) attempted (and successful) murders mitigate themselves in the dying hours of someone who always despised us. Then again, I wouldn’t know because I don’t belong to this upstanding organization. Oh, I see, now it’s time to blame ourselves. Of course, now we will deny that she’s really dead. Boy, we’re gonna go full circle in the recovery process before the next commercial break.
So, little Eva can officially join the circle of devoted housewives and mothers because Sofia officially recognized her as her legitimate mother. Somehow I doubt DNA testing was ever involved, but it’s still a nice gesture. And to think, Eva had all this confidence even before she knew Gaby kicked the bucket. Poor Fatima, an aspiring member of the aforementioned organization, is crying cats and dogs herself because her constant source of verbal abuse and physical assault has bit the dust. Whoever will chastise her for braiding her hair with green ribbons? The only one who doesn’t have her own breakdown is Eva, who is surely doing a silent cheer on the inside because Lifetime Competitor Numero Uno is out of the way, facilitating Eva’s acquisition of two more “daughters she never had.”
Now, while our beloved characters are wallowing in self pity (which may appear to the untrained eye to be reverence and remorse), I will mention that the bitch got off way too easy, but that doesn’t even surprise me because God knows that if the Televisa team had another brain, it’d be lonely. All I can say is thank you for not surprising me. Oh, and girlies, don’t even attempt to play the “mother never loved us” part, your sister’s been doing that her entire life.
So I’m not really sure why it took Eva all night to get over to the mansion if she “came as soon as she found out” in the middle of the day. And for that matter, if your beloved, beloved mother just died minutes ago, would you change and freshen up to hug your boyfriend? And if the Reyes really operate in a trio-terrific team, why would they leave their eternal role model alone to take on evil incarnate? Well, the point is, they did, and sure enough Fernie has Juan at gun point, again (yawn), but a fist always beats a gun—at least that’s what they taught the children at the dispensary—and a man’s worth is determined by his ability to remain conscious under water. Because I’m on the verge of falling asleep, I’ll briefly relate that Juan, in his brutish glory, punched-out Fernie while repeating “you killed my sister.” Then Juan thought that holding Fernie under water for 15 seconds was long enough to kill him several times over, so he stood up, pounded his peckers, and belted out the “Libia” song, which ended with a blow to his head from a curious Mexican peasant-farmer. Leave it to the disgruntled proletariat to knock off the good guys. Of course, Fernie is not dead yet, and at this rate I’m beginning to think he’s basically Mexico’s Tuck Everlasting. So, naturally, Fernie picks up a shovel to kill the already (probably) dead brute, but his ego is only surpassed by his incompetence and Team Good-guys arrives and, like the pussies they are, politely warns that, if pushed, they might kill Fernie. Well, that was enough to get Fernie packing and in “un dos por tres,” he was outta there.
Right, so before the bitch is even in the ground, let’s pull out the will and start dividing up the assets. At least Slow-fia has the decency to give the devil’s corpse a proper burial. Stiffy Paddy Taddy has been robo-tized and parrots everything the dyed-hair woman mumbles. No, Jimena, Mommy’s diamond studs are mine!
I really don’t understand why everyone on this show has a disability. Sally had God-knows-what going on with her forehead and eyes; the obsequious peasant-farmer has some weird shit goin’ on with his eyes, too. And I won’t even begin to list the mental incapacities of our protagonists… I know they do this so people can relate, but next time I want a show where people can operate cell phones and spell their names.
Well, no time is wasted to get Crabi in the ground and out of the way of the family fortune. Lucky the family has a personalized servant-priest at their beck and call. These funerals are always the most intimate of reunions. Though, I for one would have been dancing on the casket and serving party cocktails by the gallons. I guess we all have our ways of “mourning.” Because the Hypocrite club never convened, it’s only appropriate that Eva, too, initiate herself and ask Gabi to forgive and accept her. Ok, honey, Gabi can’t hear you, and do you really think that just because she died she would suddenly like you? NO. You’re not allowed to have friends, remember? I swear they shot the scene from the first episode I recapped (Bernie’s death) and this one on the same day. Would these people really pay for two caskets, and would the actors really be able to cry twice? “Lo dudo muchisimo.”
Of course, Juan couldn’t attend the funeral with everyone else, so he goes to the after party the next morning. You see, that’s the custom in Mexico to leave the dead corpse in a hot room for days until the magic angels return the body to Jesus. In case you care (and I know all you “I’m looking for a Spanish teacher” people care), Juan tells Gabi that she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, but he’s a good Christian boy so he knows that God and Jesus and he should forgive her.
Ok, these people are drugged. One scene is day, one scene is night, the next day, etc. You’d think that by the last show they could maybe get the technical crew up to a community-theater level, but apparently we’re still stuck with lighting for basements and industrial areas. So, if you thought that it was day, it was just the tweaked-out lighting guy’s trippin’ imagination. Back to the story; the now seven living people on this show gather at the midnight burial of Gabi the Great. Now, I’ve never had a pretend abusive mother die, but if I did, I would never, never, never, burry her ass in the middle of the night with a Frankenstein-ish priest and a handicapped peasant-farmer sleeping on the graves. Oh, I lied, there are only three people present at this funeral; Fernie and sidekick are watching from afar, and therefore not in attendance.
I really don’t understand these people. If Sofia breaks a nail, she contemplates the gravity of the situation and carries on for days. If her supposed “love of her life” pretend mother dies, she’s as giddy as a school girl the next day. New-mom Eva and new-daughter Sofia go out for a drive. Their trip is interrupted as the idiotic driver takes them to a sheep pasture (in Caribbean Mexico?), where instead of turning, he wants to go straight and therefore gets out to do whatever it is he thinks he can do. Meanwhile, mother and daughter are just a bunch of chatty Cathies until said driver is pounded to a pulp by Fernie (Who the hell knows how no one saw him in a wide-open pasture.), and then Fernie holds the girlies at gunpoint. Given his history of gun-points, I am confident that these girls are actually safer with Fernie at gunpoint than in the empty hands of the rage-full husband/boyfriend/son-in-law Mighty Joe Juan. Of course, I’ve been wrong before. Well, I told Eva “don’t be a hero.” But, she just got too much confidence too fast, and that’s why she put herself between Fernie and Sofia, and ended up shot. Because it’s painfully obvious that she has to die according to telenovela custom, don’t be surprised when they burry her tonight.
Because it wasn’t enough that mommy dearest #2 just got shot, Sofia had to play the hero (it’s a serious trend on this show), but only ended up in the back of Fernie’s truck. Naturally, Juan instantly had the premonition that “Sofia is in danger.” If he could only direct his premonition powers into finding her and being able to kill the enemy… Just as Fernie pulls away, the driver comes to, and assists Eva.
Ok, Sofia, you were slapped on the face, not crushed by a Mack Truck—don’t pretend to have amnesia. And don’t even start to pretend to love/need/depend on your pretend mother.
Oh, here’s a great scene. PaddyTaddy: “When will Fernie ever stop?” It’s a question the greatest intellectual minds and philosophical gods have pondered for millennia. No, actually, you blithering moron—it stops whenever you open your goddamn mouth, you stupid idiot. Here’s my question: “How many murder confessions does it take for PadTad to consider doing something about women who are continually raped and killed on his watch and conscience?”
Great, Sofia, the man has you at gunpoint and you have the balls to tell him that you hate him. Fernie is going to show her a good time tonight. Jail/bondage scenes are always better than abandoned barn scenes, so I’ve got money that Sofia will end up loving Fernie after tonight.
Good going, Juan. Your mother-in-law is on her death bed, and you have to tell her that you can’t find her daughter, who is probably already dead. It wasn’t the bullet that killed her, it was Juan’s ignorance. Which only proves that being that stupid is not only debilitating to oneself, but deathly detrimental to others.
And so, our story ends.
Well, I never expected anything from this telenovela, so I’m sure as hell not disappointed. What, if anything, just happened? Where’s Gramps? All I can say is; if these people are supposed to be average, maybe even above-average in their region, does that mean that half of the people operate at a level below them? If so, I suddenly understand the entire Welfare System of the U.S.A.
Over-arching theme: A family that eats, sleeps, bathes, and thinks together, attempts revenge, murder, and false marriages together—even when they’re not sure why.
Lastly, and most importantly, I want you to know that I was only able to write these recaps because I was writing them for each and every one of you, who consistently and loyally demonstrated your kindness, support, and friendship. If one good thing came from the triple wedding, it is this here FELS family. I will always remember fondly the hilarious times we shared on the Caray website, and I wish you all the very best of health, wealth, and happiness.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Fuego, Tuesday, 17 Feb. (#202 y #203) - The Ultimate in Fashion Statements: Gabriela Wearing a Large Noose
This is my last "Fuego en la Sangre" submission. It has been a pleasure to be with you all these many long months. Since I am still missing Coyote, I submit one last picture of my neighbor Coyote, aka Ricardo. Since Ricardo Uribe, Jr. had the nickname (apodo) of Coyote, I have decided to give this little guy (or gal, I am still not sure) the nickname Ricardo. If we are going to recap Mañana es para Siempre, I have asked to move to Wednesday nights to accommodate my bilingual southwestern literature class homework schedule so I hope to see you all there starting next week. I am inconsolable over our loss of Nickster and Julie, what stellar writers and humorists. I hope enough recappers new and experienced step forward to delight us all with their talents and Julie and NIckster will come back to these pages before long.
So where were we: ahhhh yes, Gabriela Acevedo de Elizando, wearing a dramatic long black coat wrapped in a long black shawl both of which set off to perfection the extra large gauge noose the villagers have prepared just for her special event. She should have a swinging time out on the town tonight. Let's peak in to see what happens next. Ahh we get treated to a rehash of I love you Mama my true mama who loves me when the false mama didn't love me like a mama. Forgive me but I can't go there word for word but in my sentence are all the words that keep being said over and over. ¡Basta! Sofia sentences Gabriela to a life alone for her punishment. The three sisters together in their sensational ponchos pledge eternal sisterhood and a triple wedding to set the town permanently on it's end. They have a brief rehash of who owns the hacienda, it is still Sofia since Bernardo is still her father, but she doesn't care about this, the sisters can count on her forever. Doesn't Sarita seem even prettier than Rosario now that she has totally let her self out and her hair down, her beauty shines through. But this telenovela never did suffer from a paucity of pulchritude just of probable plot. But I digress and the villagers send the warning of their lynching plans, Gabriela flees the derisive laughter of her worst hallucination, Bernardo smirking from the grave and now the lynchers have got their hands around the grand villainess once and for all. How could this possibly go wrong? the torches are lit, the foolish villain stumbles around the dry ice forest and finally they close in. Oh the noose looks great, She is again accused of harboring the evil Feonando who tried to kill Padre Tadeo she is as evil as he is and since they have her, put that rope up on the tree guys!. The noose tightens, But wait, Mutton Chops, has apparently renewed his contract and arrives with sirens whining and guns blazing in the air. They have no proof, and besides if they persist, they will be guilty of attempted homicide he avers. Chief Mutton asks Gabi if she is okay, he is worried and will have her taken home. She spurns him with her usual snubs and wanders home assuring him she can get there alone.
Paddy Tad with new black color and a bit too much oil (in his hair not his frock) is chastising Fermin for inciting the lynching crowd when God should mete out his revenge. It is not Fermin's place to exact justice.
Miraculously, Gabi runs into Feo on the way home and tells him in tears of how awful the noose felt and how afraid she is but that is nothing compared to his plans to inter her alive to fool them all while he wreaks havoc and revenge on the Reyes brats. She wants nothing of it but she is short on allies so we shall see.
Sofia and Eva grin hug and pray to the Virgincita and before Bernardo's tomb altar, they pledge to be the best mother daughter team in all the land and forever and ever and ever. Here comes Sarita and Jimena, Again Sofia assures the sisters that she wants to be with her mother but she will never abandon them. They need Eva too who has been more like a mother than mother and so they talk to Bernardo while Eva assures Bernardo that she has his three strong daughters and will protect, love and respect them forever. They have found men to love them and protect them forever. The tomb gleams in approval although he doesn't make the same kind of appearance he has saved for Gabi's eyes alone.
Juan and Mutton Chops argue over the capture and punishment of Feonando. Mutton insists that the great wanted poster will bring results and keep the law in charge, without explaining where in the world has he been for weeks while the crime spree has spread without abatement from the short arm of the law. Ahhh, but others see the poster with the $500,000 peso reward for delivering the criminal Feo, And it isn't the grim reaper, but the graveyard guard with the one good eye that can see this looks like much more money than Feo has been offering him for keeping quiet.
(Mendigo perro), begging dog, swears Juan, let's go, the posters are everywhere, on every tree, the villagers read and learn.
The girls plan life with the Reyes and Eva included forever and ever and ever. Everyone smiles, like they used to cry, that is endlessly.
Fatima the housekeeper comes running in to tell them that Gabriela has left the hacienda. They all run off as though they were chasing after a good mother. Go figure.
The boys clean up by the old swimming hole as if they have been reading this blog, but alas, though we get shirts off there are no bare butt shots. Rats, foiled again.
Gabi is leaving slowly and dramatically with Rosendo carrying her luggage. She renounces being their mother as the sisters rush up to ask her where she is going.
The guard shows Feo the poster and the large reward and mentions how paltry Feo's payment scheme is in comparison. Feo promises more money than these miserable bums can offer. Feo adds that he needs not only his loyalty but his aid too.
The bathing boys discuss that Feo has taken their happiness not only of Juan's girlie but their sister Libia too.
Rigo with his baby, wife, mother and step dad talk about their happiness of his when who should appear but the long lost brother back from his big job in the States but his mama called on the phone (where did she go to find one) and he is here to help. The most important thing is the family. like the patria, Mexico there aren't two.
The brothers show up at the hacienda insisting the sisters flee but they have their dream of white weddings like their father wanted and besides Gabriela has moved into the cabana so. Oscar urges that the Reyes submit to the white wedding dreams and the father's wish so they decide they can stay while the brothers will take turns guarding them. Then they ever so casually drop the news that last night the village almost lynched their mom. The ninny girls go all whacky (asusto). Gabi whines in her cabana. Over at the convent, Eva and Sofia meet with the Soledad. Soledad is thanked for bringing the truth in motherhood facts to light. They ask what they can do for her, she only wants prayers for the eternal peace of her son. She is now in full nun's habit and looks more serene than anyone else and assures them she has found peace.
In the kitchen eating large loaves of bread the Reyes and Rigo's family pledge eternal friendship and Juan assures Rigo that they will give him a small but sufficient parcel of land to farm themselves. The graveyard guard shows Feo how he can help him. He has a substance that by it self is harmless or just a sleepytime tea, but when mixed with alcohol can be quite lethal. This will do nicely muses Feo as he imagines Gabi with her perpetual snifter near her bitter lips. What a great helper our guard has turned out to be.
Oscar holds Jimena while she cries that it is painful to realize that you don't matter at all to your own mother. Oscar pledges that his love and devotion will be pledged to cure her of her wounds He will love her with his whole being. She says his love will protect her but she can't forget. Mirror, Franco pledges to always be with Sarita and give her all the love that her own mother withheld. She tells him that he has memories so sweet of his mother but she has memories so false. She wonders why her mother used her so, why she never loved her, why, why, why mama.
Juan and Sofia with all three babies who now look old enough to read, walk along the hacienda. They will be happy forever with the 3 munchkins and her mother, her mother, Juan her mother. your mother-in-law. oh they must mean Eva. What a night, what a night says Juan at the almost full moon.
Fatima comes back into the big house with a full tray of food saying Gabi doesn't want to eat. Sarita and Jimena worry that she will die of hunger. She shows us that it is more likely going to be demon rum or brandy. while she is tormented by the conscience of Bernardo who says she will never get over. The girls listen to her yelling outside. She never wants to see him return again, they think it is Feo but now, the cabana has been redecorated in red couches and chairs, and they enter while she screams to leave her alone and get out (fuera de aqui and largense). They leave and she turns to see Bernardo backed by the choral group singing accusations. Leave me in peace she begs the spector. But the ads come before peace arrives....
the boys are at the cave tomb pledging to give it a good cleaning and a better altar. Juan begs her to forgive them for not catching her killer yet. Oscar swears by this Reyesness and his brotherhood they will find out (hallar), Franco echos the sentiment. and Juan makes three they will find him, they will find him.
A disheveled Gabi faces a scruffy Feo and whines does he love her more than anyone else. He smirks yes, then she wants to know why he insists on this absurd plan she is so afraid of, he nods quietly and understandingly, with quite a full beard now. Glad we don't have scratch and sniff TV sets yet. She rants that he never loved her that she is so alone that he would love her dead, he nods she cries into the sofa, he waits then kisses her forehead and leaves her praying to her brandy snifter. Suddenly out in the yard, Gabi makes Rosendo promise to say nothing and not come near her cabana no matter what weird things he sees. He promises and she goes back into the cabana. Feo watches from behind the bush with his binoculars wondering how long he will have to wait for his great plan to be completed. Meanwhile the Reyes brothers mount horses and ride around in the forest still looking for Feo.
Last shot of the brandy snifter being filled, emptied, filled. As she is whining and crying, Gabi opens the casket that Feo has prepared and magically transported into the cabana. Gabi sits down to write a note, places all the money in the lining of the casket. drinks more then finds the cup, drinks the suspicious liquid. She is woosy but still resists the leather sleeves that put the washcloth full of ether or whatever Feo still had in his dastardly arsenal of intoxicants and she slumps unconscious.
Rosendo tells the girls that mama had a casket (ataud) delivered to the cabana and he thought they should know. Dr. Montes, happens to come and tells them he is worried about their mother and is especially so when he hears about the casket. Feo watches the doctor and ninny daughters rush off to the cabana and hopes doc will declare her dead. Suddenly the Reyes brothers show up at the hacienda and Feo shoots at the brothers, meanwhile inside the cabana, the doctor declares her dead. and just to make it sure we get the significance, the magic camera shoots her in sepia while the daughters stay in color. (cool effect usually seen only in ads but I'm just saying) So did I get a kill or not?? Mama, mama, mama. Adios amigos mios.
© Caray, Caray! 2006-2017. Duplication of this material for use on any other site is strictly prohibited.