Caray, Caray!

Saludes a todos! I’m filling in for Melinama tonight, and it’s my first attempt at recapping. Please don’t be afraid to fill in anything I missed or correct anything I got wrong. None of us is as smart as all of us.

At the hacienda Feo is less than charmed to receive a visit from Prom Queen Petra. She admits she was mistaken to abandon Rosario’s boy, but lucky for Feo, she’s back now. Is she back because she’s industrious and wants more work? Close but no $5 stogie. She wants more money and if she doesn’t get it she’ll tell everyone what a dirty rotten shnook he is. Together in the truck, she promises that if he gives her the money, he’ll never see her again. Snidely Whiplash thought bubbles that at least she’s right about the “never see you again” part, while visions of railroad tracks dance in his head.

In Sofia’s room, Juan is a punto de telling Sofia the whole truth. He starts but pauses when he sees her father’s picture on her nightstand. He starts again. This time Sofia interrupts him because we all know that in the telenovela universe, when your true love has something very important to tell you, you must never ever let him finish the sentence. If you did, you would bypass three months (or in Fea, 9 mos.) of suffering caused by the undisclosed secret. You’d get married quickly, do a night on the Cristina show, and be out pounding the pavements looking for another role. Nope, can’t have that.

So Sofia interrupts Juan. She tells him that near the end of his life, her beloved father found love with a sweet pretty girl who was very sweet. Sofia should be upset but she’s not because the girl truly loved her father and made him happy because she was so sweet. Sofia only saw her once, at the funeral. That was enough to convince her they had true love since she was so sweet. Did I mention she was sweet? Sofia continues, Grandpa and Eva and I wanted to help her because she was pregnant, but Mama went ballistic. She insulted and humiliated the girl and kicked her out of the house. When we tried to find her we discovered she had drowned to death. Sadder yet, she was pregnant. Ever since, I’ve thought about how sweet she was. I pray for her as much as for my papa. I know that they continue in love even in death. Kinda’ gets you right here, doesn’t it?

Scene shifts to two other young lovers sucking face. Jimena claims that she doesn’t want Oscar near her, but he’d rather believe her kisses than her words. He tries to explain the hug she saw was just him trying to console poor Rosario, but Jimena sticks to her guns. Then we play Oscar the yoyo game. He’s leaving. He’s back. He’s leaving. He’s back. You’ll never see me again. Won’t you miss me? If you don’t want me I’ll... I’ll... I’ll become a priest! I’m leaving. I mean it. Really. After he ducks out the balcony, Jimena wonders if he’s leaving.

Now to Sarita’s room where she is full of indignation because Franco looked at her papers. He reasons that they have his name on them so they must be for him. He assures her that she would be very unhappy with that other twit because she really wants to marry him. To prove it, he kisses her. Men, take note. If a woman tells you she never wants to see you again, you should kiss her by force. If she fights and tries to break free, hold her in a death grip until she surrenders and kisses you tenderly because it’s what she really wants, even if she struggles. I’m sorry friends; I think I prefer the cock fights. At least those are a match of equals.

Juan tries to tell Sofia the whole truth again, she interrupts him again, and he loses his nerve and falls back on the ever-reliable “te amo.”

We return to Sarita and Franco disputing who is good and who is bad.
Franco: My brothers and I are good.
Sarita: No, you and brothers bad. Put mama in hospital. Mama good. Sofia bad.
Franco: No, Sofia good. Sofia love Juan intensely.
Sarita: No, Sofia bad. Should love Feo.
Franco: No, Feo bad. He’s so bad, he’s earned more snarky nicknames than any other villain in Caray blog history.
Sarita: No, Feo good. Feo great! Feo should be nominated for sainthood. No hay nadie como él (there’s nobody like him).

And now Feo strives to prove there’s nobody quite like him. He gives Petra money for a hotel; they’ll finish their business in the morning. We discover that Petra is not only a prom queen, she also has a gift for clairvoyance although she’s a little fuzzy on the details. She tells Feo, “Don’t fail me again or you’ll regret it.” Gee, I wonder what will happen to Petra. Feo bad.

In the bakery we find Quintana trying to pay Pablito’s grandma for her help. She doesn’t want to accept it, but in the end she does, considering that she’s a poor old woman with a good soul but rotten health and no money for medicine. Quintana insists. Quintana good. We’re treated to some English lessons, and her imagination of having her own wheels. Think “Little Old Lady from Tijuana.”

Return to Sarita’s bedroom. She has just ejected Franco, and is disturbed by how much she enjoyed his kisses. She’s taking ferret-face lessons from her sister. Sarita good ferret-face student.

Sofia and Juan are still kissing. He picks up his hat to leave, she flutters her eyelashes, and he realizes he won’t be needing his hat any time soon.

Oscar and Franco meet on the street. They commiserate that they both struck out. The “boys” greet Pablito and his abuela Delfina. Delfina good. Petra steps up to pick on Pablito.
Pablito: Petra bad. Mistreated Luisito.
Petra: Pablo bad. Made lots of problems for me.
Delfina: No, your drunkenness made your problems. Petra bad.
Petra goes after Delfina, Oscar pulls her off, and he sends her away. In anger he hollers, “Mujeres como usted deberían muertas (women like you should be dead).

We step inside the bar for tonight’s bonbons. All I can think is, how does she ever untangle her hair after an act like that?

Oscar & Franco get home and find the FBI boys at the house. They try to figure out what Petra knows and what she’s doing, but we know it’s going to be a moot point very soon. Franco tells them Oscar is going to enter the priesthood and Quintana reacts as if she just became a grandmother.

In his office, Feo tells Right-Arm-ando to get rid of Petra because she’s blackmailing him. Armando is delighted and sees this as an opportunity to “mataremos a dos pájaros de un solo tiro” – kill two birds with one throw. The Reyes brothers threatened Petra in front of witnesses, so when she’s found dead they’ll be the prime suspects. Bye-bye brothers!

Cut to Jimena and Oscar co-remembering each other. She’s mooning “I love him.” He’s mooning, “She doesn’t want me.”

At la casa Reyes, Franco is left entertaining the guests so he brings out a fun party game called “Let’s Torment My Brother.” He informs the FBI boys that Oscar just said he’d be a priest to get a reaction out of Jimena. Quintana points out that it’s a bad idea to play games with God like that. Franco suggests that they all play along with Oscar’s game, and carry it to a point that he is forced to back down. Our FBI boys wonder, “Where’s Juan?” (I think the FBI boys flunked out of the academy. They are supposed to be gathering information, and they are even more clueless than the Reyes brothers, and that is quite some feat!)

Funny you should mention Juan. He and Sofia are still kissing! Except that now they’re horizontal. And naked. And… well, you get the idea.

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PART 2 STARTS HERE

Back at the Bad Love Bar, Rosario and the Pips (thanks for the idea, Mad Bess) are working on their mermaid image, singing and dancing from suspended fishbowls. Maybe it’s to keep their assets perpetually iced. Maybe it’s a fishbowl since Rosario was in a bird cage recently, and Feo is keeping her like human beings keep pets. Maybe they’re going for the “hot in a hot tub” image. Maybe wet is sexy (remember Bo Derek?).

Rosario sees Armando talking to two nogoodniks and giving them money. We know they are nogoodniks because they are smoking. They leave the bar and give the money to a very-badnik (I wonder what the percentage commission is, for carrying hit money from Snidely’s henchman to the badnik). We know he’s very, very bad because not only is he smoking, he also has a big long mustache.

Out on the street, our FBI boys are debriefing to their intelligence analyst mama. Agent 2 thinks it’s too coincidental that Petra is the one who was holding Rosario’s kid. Mama is sure Petra knows more. More than the FBI boys? More than likely.

At the bar office, Snidely’s henchman (named Bruno in the Dudley Do-Right shows) brings the great news to Snidely: Mission accomplished! You won’t have to worry about Petra anymore (I can’t bring myself to call her Nell, maybe anti-Nell).

At the hotel, anti-Nell is lying in bed drinking and smoking. Doesn’t she know how dangerous that is? She could kill herself!!! Ni modo. The very badnik knocks on the door with his hummer-sized knife. Anti-Nell opens the door and staggers for a good five seconds, wondering about her gentleman caller. He says, “I bring greetings from an old colleague of yours. Anti-Nell screams in terror, realizing too late the danger of talking to strangers. Villain (who reminds me of Fearless Leader) gives his best villianly sneer and evil laugh. We see the menacing shadow of the raised knife, poised to strike terror as only a hackneyed cliché can.

Shift to a scene mucho más tranquilo. Juan watches Sofia sleeping a very well-satisfied sleep. He silently regrets that he simply couldn’t tell her the truth; he’ll have to find another way. We have no regrets at all; we get to look at Juan’s big shoulders. I’ve always been partial to shoulders.

The next morning, the hotel maid doesn’t know why Petra isn’t opening her door. We do. The maid unlocks the door and takes in the whole gruesome scene. The bottle (see where booze’ll get you?), the spilled purse (what good is your ill-gotten booty now), and a leg of the corpse. Camera comes back and pauses on the bottle and puddle of its contents on the floor, lest we forget what caused this frightful tragedy. The maid screams and slumps to the floor in terror. The torn sheets… the corpse… the blood… the booze… the smell… only she knows the gut-wrenching terror, realizing how hard it will be to clean up this room by check-in time.

At the bakery, the boys are enjoying their brotherhood far too much; this can’t last. Today is the one day the police can visit Brigadoon. “Oscar and Franco Reyes, you’re under arrest for murder.” Petra was found dead and they are the prime suspects because witnesses heard them threatening her. I think the police read Armando’s script for that part. Don’t worry, he says. We’ll do a full investigation and justice will be done. Oscar reminds us they’re innocent. Franco says therefore they have nothing to fear. Everyone feels better now, knowing that justice will prevail in a backwater village in Mexico stuck in the last century, a town run by a Feo (dirty rotten shnook) who hates everything Reyes. Yes, sleep well children, knowing justice will be done.

Speaking of Snidely, Right-Arm-ando is telling him everything went like clockwork. Petra is gone and two Reyes brothers are locked up. Feo is furious that Juan is still on the loose; Juan is the one he wanted destroyed. Armando is confident they’ll get Juan soon. We’re not.

Around town, Eva tells grandpa the boys are in jail. “No puede ser!” The FBI boys tell mama the boys are in jail. “No puede ser!” In the hospital, Feo enters Crabi’s room and does a happy dance complete with two-leg side kicks. But only in his imagination. He breaks the news about the boys to mama, Jimena, and Sarita. The girls are impactada. Sarita is aghast that murderers were so close to them. Jimena is sure they are innocent, and Feo asks how she can be so sure. Does she know them?

At the jail, Juan and Father Tadeo present their protests to the Brigadoon police, reminding him that a threat is insufficient evidence. The commissar reports that they searched the Reyes house and bakery and found the murder weapon, the hummer-sized knife. Is that proof enough?

Tomorrow, Juan and Feo have a street fight. Juan has the advantage of size and hawtness. Feo has the advantage of a gun.

Labels: Fuego