Caray, Caray!

Buenas noches a todos. I want to warn you all that I only watch this show on Wednesdays, so if there are gaps or nonsensical parts in my recaps you know why, and I apologize.

We start tonight with Fernie reminding us all that women are so stupid, and all you have to do is tell them pretty things and they will do whatever you want. He laughingly pulls out his stack of cash that Gabi lovingly gave him and throws it in the safe with the others. Then, for kicks, he pulls out Libia’s necklace and fondly remembers the night, which incidentally I recapped, he bashed her brains. Oscar, private eye, sees Fernie stroking the necklace, but can’t make the connection; it’s that selective memory of his.

Oh! There’s Gabi, who is also snooping around. She tells Oscar that he’s a low-life, good-for-nothin’ son-of-a-gun. He’ll never learn to behave like decent people.

Over at Reyes’s Kitchen for Wannabe Newlyweds we see Juan instructing Sofia how to make bread without any recognizable utensils or universally-accepted hygienic techniques. Sure she smashed the raw egg into her hand and then into the flour container, but what does that matter?

Gabi is still questioning/criticizing Oscar on his spying. We get it already, he’s a piece of filth; can we move on? Oh, but don’t worry. Fernie tells everyone he’s back, as if they didn’t know, and that he’s ready to assume all responsibilities of the ranch, of course, with the help of Oscar. “Sure, boss!” replies Oscar, uh, shouldn’t that be brother-in-law?

So the townspeople want to throw a chile party. They feel the need to explain what a chile is, and why it is important to Mexico. However, Juan and Sofia aren’t keen on the idea because Franco and Rosario are in critical conditions. It’s not like they wouldn’t be invited if they weren’t in the hospital, and it’s not like Juan and Sofia are going to be visiting them for the three hours of the party. Talk about bad excuses… Regardless, the townspeople are worried about having a singer because Rosie does all the local gigs and, well, she’s not around. Not to worry! Quinti has altruistically offered the services of Pa-pa-pa-pucho-Peter-Reyes.

The nun-in-training Sarita is busy teaching catechism to the local children as Peter observes her from a distance; it seems he’s drawing her on a corner of the concrete bag. Sarita is looking more and more like Fraulein Maria everyday…

For someone in critical condition, Rosie has an awfully good complexion. If I didn’t know any better I’d say that the nurses are liberally applying makeup on the patients. Eva has stopped-by to tell her that everything is taken care of with Luisito, and not to worry about Fernie.

Peter pays a visit to Gramps and asks him if he knows Gregorio de Cante. Well, of course he does! He happens to be one of Mexico’s finest rural poets. You know, if Fraulein Sarita reads the guy’s stuff then it has to be good.

Gabi comes slithering along the hospital hallways to beat-up on the old punching bag also known as Eva. Gabi wants to know if Eva still plans on supporting Rosario even though she’s not her biological daughter. I hope these people realize that Gabi only has the influences she has because they give them to her. If people would completely ignore her bull shit then she would cower away and kill herself. Since everyone on this show scored lower than the average fourth graders on their local graduation tests, they walk around in a daze and absorb every last word of Gabi’s as if it were Holy Scripture.

As luck would have it Gramps has a special collection of de Cante and other works from fascinatingly poor, but proud authors. Peter thanks Gramps, and then Gramps remembers that Sarita’s favorite author is de Cante; is it possible… no, it can’t be…

Sofia goes to visit Sor Sarita and tries, again, to talk her sister out of becoming a nun. She reminds her that she is young, beautiful, and smart. That can be argued… Anyway, Sarita claims that it’s either the convent or Benito. Well, that’s a very pressing decision Sarita, I don’t know how you’ll ever decide.

Gabi is off on her usual rant about Rosario being a whore, her mother being a whore, etc. Gabi says that if Eva can’t grasp the concept, then it’s her own fault. Eva tells Gabi that it doesn’t matter what Gabi says (there’s some of the backbone I was looking for) because Rosie loves her and they have a relationship. Either way she wins, but that Gabi, she’s all alone. Her kids flew the coop, and Fernie uses her. That’s not true! Gabi stomps off. Eva asks herself if Gramps was right about Fernie and Gabi being an item.

I guess when Fernie said that Oscar was going to help-out, he was referring to treating Oscar like the hired help. Fernie tells Oscar that he has to learn to be a big rancher by starting from the bottom. Apparently Fernie’s only interest is to make Oscar a good rancher and to make sure that Oscar and Gabi get along. Oscar tells Fernie that it’s obvious that Gabi and he love each other. Where did that come from? I don’t know but the music indicates that somebody is about to get fired…

Rosie wants to know why Gabi stopped-by; it’s not like she was making her charity rounds at the hospital, honey. Eva tells her not to worry about it. They are interrupted by the doctor who says that Rosie is healing better than expected, and now has to learn to walk again. Seems like she has made a startling recovery, one for the medical books, and can even play around with her kid. She asks if he’s still living with Gramps; that’s obvious because who else would put the kid in a dress shirt and sweater vest? Rosie has made a real character change, and even prays now; she thanks God for her second chance at life. Maybe now she can kick the go-go dancing and join Sister Sarita over at the convent.

As always, Oscar is proving his idiocy by his willingness to shovel horse shit for free, and then tell his wife that he likes it because it’s character building and facilitates a friendly relationship between him and his mother-in-law. Now that’s horse sh_t!

Gabi is talking to Fernie, and really hopes that Fernie leaves soon because he’s so annoying. Anyway, she tells him that she went to visit Eva in the hospital, and has a surprise in store for Sofia; she will never have a grandson by the Reyes-primero muerto!

Rosie has even relocated hospitals and is consoling Franco. She really needs him, etc. Oh looky! He moved his index finger—that obviously, and historically means that he will be a-ok.

Sofia is consoling Eva about her confrontation with Gabi. Eva’s not really upset because Gabi has been on her case all her life. Obviously Gabi likes to see Eva hurt, and that’s why she said Rosie isn’t her daughter. Sofia even mentions that Gabi is far from God. When Sofia hears what her mother told Eva she gets angry and goes to talk to Gabi. Eva freaks and asks God to prevent another tragedy. How dramatic…

Gramps pays a visit to Juan, accompanied by two attorneys. The attorneys have done their research and have discovered that nobody owns the land that is commonly known to be the Uribe’s. Actually, the land is under the title of Juan Jose Robles. But, Juan can’t have the land until he and his brothers can prove that they are the legal sons of Robles, and therefore the heirs to the property. Naturally this evidence will not materialize until the last week of the show, and will be a point of much debate and probably a death or two. Not to worry, Gramps, as always, is going to make sure that everything works out, and will not rest until the land is theirs again. Mark my words…and his…I smell blood…

Fernie smells something too—the scent of Sofia, and consequently comes prowling out of the shadows and into the foyer. He’s ready for vengeance and pulls out some string. He starts up the stairs, always looking at the ceiling, just like the cat he is.

Meanwhile, Sofia is upstairs questioning her mother about Eva’s daughter. Gabi tells her to be careful, and that there are truths that destroy. This truth could destroy Sofia. Gabi asks Sofia if she really wants to know who Eva’s daughter is. Well, if you put it that way…No, Sofia wants to know, and Gabi tells her that she (Sofia) is Eva’s daughter. Sofia can’t handle this and leaves the room. Ok, let’s look at this from a pragmatic stance: Sofia herself mentioned that Gabi’s story changes every time she changes her underwear; why would she even believe it?

Uh oh! Fernie set a trap with that string. She falls over the banister, but Juan is there to catch her. Talk about good timing. Those Televisa stage crew guys are top-notch, unlike their writers… Oh, her stomach, her baby! Gabi laughs, and then pretends to care. Once Juan and Sofia are gone Fernie and Gabi laugh that the bastard child will not be born.

Eva is talking to Padre Tadeo. She’s scared that another tragedy is about to occur. Ya’ gotta’ hand it to her; when she’s right, she’s right.

Fernie tells Gabi that they have to go to the hospital or else it will seem suspicious. Gabi doesn’t really want to go because all those townspeople are going to be there, and they are all so tacky. But the good thing is that the bastard will not be born. They are happy that they are systematically destroying the Reyes family: first Franco, then Oscar, then Juan, who has to, and will, suffer the most of all.

Juan brings Sofia into the dispensary and everyone freaks out and runs amuck. Oh wow. That place has two beds? I thought that they were going to kick-out ET on account of Sofia. From the looks of things Sofia is in an early-delivery situation. Padre reminds Juan that in times like these he isn’t to lose faith. With the way things have been going, I’d say he’s had plenty of practice. Gramps comes rolling along and wants to know what all the fuss is about. When they tell him that Sofia “had an accident” he sends Rosendo to Puebla for the best doctors, and the price doesn’t matter.

Juan has a heart-to-heart with the Virgin and, once again, asks her to not take away Sofia and the baby. Considering his track record and my uncanny ability to make predictions, I’d say everything is going to be fine. Though, I was wrong about Y2K and Hillary Clinton. The doctor tells Juan that Sofia is fine, but she may lose the baby.

Tomorrow: So Gabi told Sofia that she isn’t her daughter. What’s more, Fernie and Gabi tried to kill Sofia and the baby. And of course, the doctor says Sofia might lose the kid. But things won’t stay like this! Those are Univision’s words, not mine. Ok, what a pathetic preview; they didn’t tell us anything new—sort of like the Telenovela itself…

Labels: Fuego