Caray, Caray!

The title in no way, shape or form refers to any living or dead person.

We rehash Franco crying into the pan, as what with all the recent events, the mortgage, the lack of funds and most especially the depleted store of Juan’s sweating salt, well someone has to add the missing ingredient. Franco hears the whinnying of Capricho, I don’t speak Spanish, but I am the horse whisperer.
Capricho is all shades of happy, that he is kicking up his heels and visiting the ladies, life is good without 210lbs. of stupid on his back.

Now we see a rehash of “Burning the Witch at the Stake”, this seems a bit strange as none of the milling extras are wearing shoes with big silver buckles and the diaper wearing Shaman isn’t going by the name, Reverend GoodSoul and no Indian woman named “Charity Goodbody” has cast a stone, we see the moon turn ewwww Blood Red, the clouds turn purple, the wind blows. Juan wanders out of the foliage, he is all bloody, nasty, dirty , grunting and spots one of the locals eating a mango. The native version of popcorn at a Chuckie Movie. Juan reaches for it, but alas falls to the ground, this is a good thing as his hands looked rather dirty and that would be unsanitary.

Now let’s go on over to the Brigadoom version of Mt. Sinai. Rigo’s Ma and Brother are nervously waiting the lab results of the tumor diagnosis. In a fit of bad acting and extreme drama; the doctor drags the drama out, just like Monty Hall used to do before the prize behind door number 3 was revealed. It’s benign..the tumor is benign, thank gawd they went for the whole enchilada and didn’t take the Microwave, flatscreen, fireplace implements and just leave. Okay so, Ma & Bro are thrilled.

For some reason the appearance of the swamp monster has gotten babe doctor a stay of execution. We see Babe and Silvester leaning over the moaning, groaning and now several days of beard growth Juan. Babe tell Silvester that she has to strip Juan down and clean him up. Silvester is horrified that Babe Doctor would strip Juan down, but Babe says after all she is a doctor. She sends Silvester to go get some water. She pulls down Juan’s Pants and EGADS he is wearing Oscar’s missing bikinis. No wonder Oscar is in such hawt pursuit. We know this is important crap cause we see several frontal scenes of Juan from his chest to his knees, in color, in black and white, now color , now black and white. OMG it was like watching a Fellini film. So tasteful, so adding to the story line and in no way just cheap exploitation..Juan has a fever and is tossing, turning screaming out the name Libia, my lil sister, Mi Nina, Mi Nina..moan, groan. Babe Doctor is taking Juan’s temp, yes with a thermometer. Calm down people, under his arm. She is left to ponder, ummmm, he has a sister, does he have another mujer?

I know I would be so happy if I was in an emergency room, with a gun-shot wound to the head, an eye swollen shut, and a huge chaw of dip in my cheek, and the doctor was giggling and wondering if I was married.

Meanwhile, Oscar is still searching for his missing brother. Suddenly he reaches for his torch and starts combing the brush. When I am looking for something, I usually wait until midnight, get a flashlight and go in search. Oscar, comes across a dead fire and a spit. Oscar gleefully exclaims it is Juan’s. Yes, it is a roasted Mango.

Sofie, Sarita & Jimena are sitting around chatting. I guess, the two chatty sisters, Slowfia & Sarita just won’t let Jimena get a word in edgewise. Jimena is tired of the same conversation and refuses to engage in the Reyes slamming. She literally stares off in space. Sofie expresses “Oh Jimena suffers so much…blah blah blah, to sum this up, “Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and bonds
Any heart, not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain”
Sarita, the pinched virgin, blurts out “Oscar is gone, he will never come back”. Not if he is smart; Sarita, not if he is smart. I guess the girls don’t watch “Gray’s Anatomy” and have no idea that comatose persons can often hear conversations around them. Thankfully Jimena is catatonic and won’t be able to pick up a gun and blow her brains out.

Next, Sofie is doing her daily walk of pain into the church. She passes others who are praying in the pews.
The others get up and walk out, good luck getting any one on one time with the Virgincita. Sofie does a one on one, and tells the Virgincita how bad Sofie is suffering, (as well as the rest of us).

Juan wakes up and blurry eyed tries to focus on Babe Doctor’s looming face. She asks him what his name is and where did he come from? He doesn't know, he can’t remember. Babe doctor is secretly thrilled.
Look what I found in the woods, he is a stray, he is a good boy, yes he is..yes he is..can I keep him? I promise I’ll feed him and walk him everyday after school. Pleaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzeeee. Juan asks if he said any names in his sleep. Nope, nada, none.
Silvester comes in and it is time to do the endless job of filling up the water jugs, geez people get a pump.

Babe is left to wonder why did she lie? Gee I don’t have a clue.

Now Sofie is working in the lil Shop of Crap with Sarita, Eva is there also. I guess Eva couldn’t find anyone else to completely ignore her so she decided to let Sarita. Sarita has more snarky crap to say, Reyes bashing. Sofie is convinced Juan has stolen the baby. Why in the hell doesn’t someone actually look for the kid? SEE ABOVE PHOTO: I mean Sofie does the tramp to church everyday in those god awful Queen Victoria in mourning over Prince Albert outfits, instead of aaaahhhh maybe asking if anyone saw anything or maybe visiting the hidden Indian Village. Seriously how freeking far can that village be? Juan isn’t Michael Phelps, geez.

I guess everyone is going to go hang out with Abuelo.

Now back to the hospital, Ma of Rigo visits him. He is awake after the surgery. Mom gives him the two thumbs up and tells him about the it a miracle of the tumor. No it wasn’t a miracle, the miracle is that he lived thru brain surgery in that rat trap hospital. Rigo just keeps pressing the Morphine drip, say I bet that would make this easier for me.

Juan is helping fill the water jugs. He has recovered really fast. Actually I am not sure how much time has passed as the corn is a-growin. Sil tells him that his parents died of the epidemic, now the good Doctora is giving vaccines to stop another epidemic. Juan looks perplexed. Thankfully he doesn’t remember his parents died from an epidemic of bullets to the brain. Seems like there is a genetic weakness in the family for this epidemic.

Walking back Juan and Sil pass a man and woman and their baby.
DRAMA---Juan has flashbacks to holding the baby and then falling into the vast waterfall. Hey this is important cause Juan falls to the ground clinching his head and the scenes once again so Fellini like (black, white, color).

Now as Juan & Sil take the water back, the locals are being tormented by Porn Jefe, they are dying of hunger, maybe these people are illegal Guatemalans working for no wages, in crappy conditions being exploited by conservative Mexican CEO’s who threaten them with deportation. Maybe..Just Maybe. I think maybe the witch brujo is like drugging some of the people or maybe it is a village of Zombies.
Now Juan steps in and like Robin Hood after the Sheriff; he tells him to leave the people alone. The Porn star queries, WTF does Juan think he is? (the W, being Who not What). Juan says he is for justice.
Porn sics a couple of his half ass bad boys on Juan. One is the guy who was in love with Chunky Nun’s Sister, Chunky Torch Singer from Guapos. Juan hits him a couple of times, nada..finally Juan hits him on the head with a water jug and sends the other bad boy on his way. The native women sigh, my hero. Actually, the extras all look like they are laughing.

Meanwhile, Porn goes to see Babe Doctor, he says her days or number, but give me a lil sumpin sumpin and well. Babe says she would rather die first. She has long scissors in her hand.

Now, Ros, Sarita, Eva & Sofie are eating at Gramps. Gramps pushes Eva to tell the big news, she finally knows who her real daughter is. It is Root Uribe. Could these people be any more clueless. Eva tears up and continues how Crabi gave Eva’s kid to Rachael in exchange for the land. Meanwhile, Ros is tearing up. She finally says, I’m not your kid. Nah sorry Root is the real kid. I believe her, cause Crabi is happy I will never see her, never get a kiss a hug. I’m telling you this was freekin painful. Poor Ros, I would have gotten up marched out and done Franco like he’d never been done before, then come back and kicked Sarita ass just for good measure. Eva acts like it is no big deal, yeh Ros I feel like you are my daughter.

As Eva is lamenting the evil behavior of Crabi, Sofie goes all dark side and starts in on how she will never see her daughter and leaves.

Now I forgot, that Crabi is at David’s Bridal, she is scoping out a wedding gown for her wedding, no not white. She holds a few more dresses up..most are way too young for her, it’s not that they look to young..it is well that they look like clothes a human would wear.

Fer is off checking out rings. Yeh he goes for the big one. It takes money to make money and he wants to seal the deal.

---Now at this point I must insert, we all know Crabi is way too evil to live, but they must show her getting the crap kicked out of her before the end. Remember the scene in DA when Sofie went all BSC on Rod’s blonde trophy whore wife, at the same time Rod walked on the table and Franco crawled under it? That was the best. I so want to see it. They have whipped up such hatred for her, that a simple plunge off a church tower will not even be enough.

Later Fer & Crabi show up in lawyer’s office, now I may have this wrong..but I think the lawyer said the water still belongs to the Reyes. Oh well, now then Crabi tells the lawyer that she wants to disinherit her thankless children and make Fernando the sole inheritor. The lawyer looks surprised, Fer looks like a mucho happy sex toy to a rapidly aging cougar.

Sofie has gone to the Reyes house. Franco is busy sweating into the Pan. Sofie starts in on Franco about where is Juan the baby stealer? Franco repeats his same story. Juan loved her and Juan would never steal the baby. Sofie gets that same bend over pain in her uterus. Geez, go to the free clinic and get a penicillin shot. Franco says you have been turned against us by your mother. He then tells her that Crabi said, Pa Reyes never loved Ma Reyes cause he was all about Crabi. Sofie just can’t believe it. Franco looks pissed.
Once more proving if Stupid was Gold, being around the three sister would be like having you own leprechaun with a huge pot. Sofie wanders off, no doubt to bother the Virgin.

Franco stands in the kitchen looking angry, say wouldn’t this be a perfect time for Ros to stop by for a cookie?

Back to the Indian Village. Juan is swimming nude in the river with his big blurred digitized ass sticking up. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder, it is Babe Doc & her digitized boobs, she says they are alone, well if you don’t count Porn Jefe and his film crew. She leans in for a kiss from Juan’s rather scab crusted split lip.

Looks like tomorrow Crabi is going all medieval on Sofie’s ass about disappearing dead bastard babies.
This once again proves my point about Stupid, seriously…why isn’t Sofie getting that behavior like this from a grandmother is a bit unusual.

Oscar is creeping around the Indian Village.

Will some good Robin Hood person tag this for me..
And also I need a sub recapper for next week as I will be in Moberly Mo & they have no Univision.