Caray, Caray!

Hey y’all, s’up? Another novela, another opportunity to meet estranged family members and laugh, scream at the TV, and gnaw our arms off as we follow our loveable-loser friends south of the border.

Our Mayan ancestors predicted the end of days on 12.21.12. Please, we beg you, come spend money in Mexico and view the Mayan ruins, spend money on our trinkets, and boost our burnt-out economy. When you’re done, watch “Un Gancho al Corazon:” it’s special because its not a painfully regurgitated mess of something that our predecessors invented fifteen years ago.

This is the story of Valentina—Val—who is a seemingly innocent hot little number by day and a spunky pink Rocky-wannabe by night. If nothing else, this show has taken typical Mexican gender roles and expectations and thrown them out the window. Every boxer has a motivation, and Val’s is to fight to pay for her wedding and keep her coach/boyfriend in the lap of luxury. “But my arm hurts.” “Get back in there and suck it up ya sissy.” Some people get the short straw and some people get all the breaks…

Mauricio—Maury—is the rich businessman of the show, and therefore lover of the female protagonist, and secretly arrives via private jet. He hugs Salvador, his business partner, who begs him not to drive fast. Everyone knows that Italian loafers make for a heavy foot…

Maury’s cousin and friend are the bad guys of the show who are involved in unauthorized business dealings on account of Maury having been in New York. While the cat’s away the mice will play! We know they’re bad because they grope all the office secretaries and drink Tequila early in the morning.

Back at the boxing event Val throws some punches and receives a few more. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down—it all adds to the dramatic effect. Eventually Val takes the final fall and the other chick wins the cash and the trip to Reno. Instead of kind words of encouragement after a tough loss, Val’s coach/boyfriend chews her out and then she goes to tell the lady with the monkey on her head (his mother) that he’s being mean to her.

Maury is clever and already suspects that his cousin is up to something and discusses the matter with Sal who is holding on for dear life. If we learned anything from the Bush/Cheney era it’s “Stay the path” says Maury as he goes left to center to face an oncoming semi. “I need that rush.”

Again, Beto (the coach/boyfriend) is chewing out Val for not using her right arm. She says it hurt a lot and then she punches him with her right arm. Enter eccentric, naïve mother who has the fashion sense of a fourth grader. Help is on the way and it’s just another day for another average Mexican family.

Back at Maury’s business Bonilla (the bad guy, but not related) is meeting with some realtors to seal the unauthorized deal. He just about shit’s himself when Maury and Sal unexpectedly break up the party and cancel the deal. So much for being in New York. I hate it when that happens.

Meanwhile Mommy is tending to Val’s wounds and Beto is still mad. So Val quits boxing and fires her manager/boyfriend.

Bonilla is stupid enough to admit to having a 15% cut in the real estate deal that went bad. Needless to say he’s fired and Sal is going to write his resignation for him.

As we find out, Beto is an ass who does nothing while Val works to support him and his mother. Now that the doctor told her she has to rest her arm for three months, he wants her to get another job so they can have beans and tortillas and throw back a few beers while watching the game. She can’t iron or cook, so she’ll have to sell chicle on the side of the road, or else work the streets like their neighbor. At least this way she might be on TV.

Jeronimo is Maury’s cousin who authorized the transaction, but “never knew that Maury wasn’t in on the deal.” Well, Jerry, when your cousin/boss has no knowledge of a “deal” it’s safe to say he hasn’t authorized it. But, Maury is an idealist and refuses to see things the way they are. “We just thought you wanted to be alone in New York.” “Well, let’s ask Bonilla about it,” suggests Sal. No need, I believe my cousin with my whole big heart. In walks the evil girlfriend with all the shopping bags and tight clothes. Why did she have to find out that her boyfriend was in town from his secretary of all people? Because he doesn’t really care about their empty relationship and is only interested in the sex.

Bonilla and Jerry get in the car and argue about who should have taken the fall. Bonilla threatens to tell Maury about what Jerry did, but then Jerry kicks him out of the car because he’s the powerful one.

It’s a relationship marked by sexual frustration and downright disgust. Little Val forgot her 8 year anniversary with Beto and explains that she hasn’t been in the mood for all these years because she’s been beat up so much lately. “Working the local boxing rings to keep you in hair gel and shell necklaces has taken its toll on me.” She doesn’t really care if he gets fat because she can use it as a pillow. She tells him this, but deep down she can’t get over the fact that she wasted 8 years of her life on this loser. Could you?

Sal tells Maury to find a new chick because Constanza is just not cutting it. So, in a work of cinematographic excellence, Maury and Val ask themselves at the same time “where is my other half?” Well they couldn’t possibly be on the same screen asking the same thing could they?

As it turns out Val is like Mama’s daughter she never had. This time next week Val will be training and running around like she used to. Val’s neighbor Paula works for Maury’s business and heard that they want to hire secretaries tomorrow so Val, who has no secretarial experience, will go for the job. You have to start somewhere…

Maury gets the whole welcoming wagon when he returns home. He wants to go to the bedroom with Connie before and after dinner. After having sex, Maury dreams that he fell asleep at the wheel of a burning racecar and some woman in a red dress pulls him out. Freud would tell us that this is his mother who abandoned him at a tender age. However, some of the greatest psychoanalysts were racecar mechanics. Maury’ mechanic interprets his dream to mean that he needs to return to the race track to relive his dream of becoming a famous racecar driver. This explains why Maury always wants to exceed the speed limit on local thoroughfares.

Even though she knew she needed a dress last night, Val waited until the morning of her interview to find a dress. Karla, the maid from Guapos lends her a dress in which she hardly feels comfortable. It’s more suitable for a karaoke bar, and she would certainly prefer to wear boxing shorts and a tank top, but this is a fancy work place and the beginning of a new life, so why not go all out.

Meanwhile, Maury takes the car out for a spin around the old racecar track. Maury is one of those hopeless romantic types who prefers to see the good in everyone. Sal, an experienced and trusted friend, warns Maury that Cousin Jerry is up to no good, but Maury insists that he is his only family member and therefore he will not question him.

So there’s this school where the roof fell in on the cafeteria. Then a social worker shows up and tells the one lady that a family wants to take little Daniela.

Val is practicing what she’s going to say in her interview and then Maury sees her. It is love at first sight as they both circle each other in amazement. Then Val goes to hide behind a pillar like a small child. Maury likes that in a woman.

Val is not pretty butch, she can’t walk in heels, and has some pretty crass mannerisms. It takes her every effort to walk in heels, but she’s not about to loose her sense of pride.

After about thirty more-qualified women pass through the interviews, the mean office manager refuses to see Val because she “doesn’t fit the profile of a professional secretary.” She’s dressed for a table dance or street walker, but not a secretary. Hearing this sets Val off onto a rampage and she attacks the manager until the security officers take her out to the street. She sits in the rain until Maury comes to her rescue. She explains that she is not a common street dweller and that she is simply brutish at times. She is bluntly honest and Maury loves that. “She smiled and the rain stopped.”

Tomorrow: Maury tells Val to go talk to Sal—“tell ‘em Ricardo sent you.” Who’s Ricardo?

Labels: gancho

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